The stars...they have friends in high places.

She was dancing....spiraling in and out of the sunlight that radiated from between the trees. A song playing in her ears...the trees dancing with her.
Flowers tucked carefully in the grass, showing colors of velvet and of breeze. Peace floated off the light....love shone out from the star....

but

but....your chaos.....your chaos. It was too bright for the shadows...and the shadows rebelled against her...striking her down. How dare you shine your light, little star.....  how dare you find peace. How dare you embolden love and embrace it upon your lips. How dare you.....little star.
She stopped and pondered...why the shadows cursed at her. Are we not all part of one another? Her song died out and she forgot the words....those words.... the trees stood still like logs and the sunlight.....it became cold.
The flowers were scattered across the grass like weeds....showing colors of blood.
Peace.... now had to be fought for...
and love...
it had to be found....and it had to be earned.

Little star.....have you already forgotten....
you danced with the mountains for weeks....and then one moment comes that shakes you out of your dream and you turn cold.....like a dead star.
A star is chaos.....without it. it will die. Love is chaos....without it, it will suffer.

Little star.... I will fight for you.....

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Things take time..... time is what things are taking.
Not just waiting on fabric reps this time...but waiting on the shadows to no longer fear falling asleep.
.....waiting for myself to no longer make the shadow's fear an end to my dance.

I scribbled out some lists yesterday.... and wrote things on it the same way a bully would write on your book at school...in 8th grade. Because dancing is for children.....dancing is for dreamers....
I'm not allowed to be a dreamer....I'm not allowed to dance....
I'm not allowed to make the shadows upset....
My chaos isn't acceptable.
I'm not acceptable.
It's not acceptable to breathe.
It's not acceptable to smile.
Don't let the shadows see....don't let the dark see what the light is doing....because the light is not allowed to be.
Chaos...... chaos....is in me.

Hold the little star and she will burn you....
set her free...set her free.....

I cleaned house today. I also was told I was never satisfied.
I made bread crumbs. Placed fabric orders. Answered emails. And reminded that everything I say is unacceptable.
I cooked dinner. Washed dishes. And successfully made it through the day hating my own voice.

I closed my etsy shop except for appliqued tees. I put my facebook page on vacation. Still people emailed me. And I probably made a sale or two.

Oh...look... a kitty!!!!!! :)  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


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“ that's why love is madness; it's too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart. ”