Water the soil.....choke on the meat...swallow it..c'mon, you can do it.

So, Hobby Lobby is slowly turning into a 'cheapy, "this store is for untalented people and we no longer carry the REAL supplies, only prepackaged crap for lazy stupid people who lack talent or intelligence"' as I went Saturady to find they no longer carry real screen printing supplies that they used to (I know because I considered buying them before!) but now it's only in these cheap walmart art packages for dummies... ugh.
So that means I had to order the stuff for my yudu...damn it, shipping better hurry the heck up!
Anyway, I also want to point out that besides their assortment of solid colored fabrics, I do not think they know what real fabric is...they should really carry Michael Miller ta dot prints, so I's can be happy...
That or someone can give me $1000 so I can put in my first order with the supplier myself, yeah, that'd be great. As we are broke and I have no money :( shit is expensive.
Things need fixed. Food needs bought. And well....we have enough to pay bills and eat, and just barely enough for gas.... so $100 for polka dot fabric (no matter how awesome) just ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Maybe next year...as that's probably gonna be when I get my camera too...cause my paypal account is sad lookin' and black Friday is less than 2 weeks away. yikes... let's see...roller derby stuff or camera.... hard decisions...lol

So. What else is new beside Hobby Lobby's betrayal.......
I'm almost done with chapter 13 in Book 2!!! sweet! I love my people.
The wind was a killer today! Awesome and nothing fell on the house.
I got to take a nap on hubby, awwww...
I got a huge package of heirloom seeds in the mail....yum...but they will have to wait to be planted when I have somewhere to plant them...even though I don;t eat half of what they are....ya know what, I don;t even think I know what some of them are, lol.
My order list is half of what it was 2 days ago. (but I will not be deceived into thinking there is a light at the end of the tunnel...we all know it is the train coming the other way!) I seriously never get a damn break. (and writing lame blog posts and browsing youtube does not freakin' count!)..neither does roller derby.
I'm sad that some of my friends (look at that <---- I said 'friends') are having difficulties with family health and just neverending issues and I pray they all get a break from it soon. I hate seeing people be sad...that's my job. :(
Anyway, besides knowing there's still people out there that think I am the devil and going to hell, I want to say that yes....I would go to hell to save those dumbasses down there and prove to them that God is forgiving...even to them...and I'll be sure to get Satan to repent as well. Because God's love stretches beyond any boundary you place upon the hearts of others and certainly Jesus wouldn't be contained in the boundaries you have set upon your own hearts. And yeah, I do know Jesus.....and He says He loves you, even if you have failed to know Him the way He has revealed Himself, even if you fail to see Him within others, or within yourself. Even if you have denied Him....He loves you still. There's still time....to see, to hear...to be....but it's your choice how you want to spend it.

Wah wah wah...boring, let's get into something funner than lame-o preaching about Jesus, when I can sit hear and scare the begeesus out of you! Haha! Want to know what that means....I bet you do...
Once upon a time, I went to a church...yes I did.
But this church was weird....in bible school class (it was lame!) they talked about the football score and read from those stupid ass little booklets that are as lame as those Awake booklets (if you ever read them anyway). Anyway so they would read from the books and talk about football or the party they were planning for their congregation and blah blah blah me, us we, my, mine, us, we, ours, blah blah blah...it was all about them.... anyway, one Sunday (day of the SUN! whoo hoo education!) we were listening to the preacher guy talking about the regular same 'ol baby milk from the bottle scripture stuff...and I just wanted to leave....so me and my awesome self looked over to my left and there was Jesus sitting a few spaces next to me. And I asked Him, what I was doing here? He said..."To see how they are.". And I asked why? This is boring and stupid...(yes, I do not fear talking to Him using modern english, He laughs at me sometimes..)anyway, He says "To teach those that they cannot."...
So I noticed how they were feeding these grown adults all this milk in o'bottle shit about how great Jesus is and how great it will be when you get to heaven and how great it will be when you step into your father's kingdom...and I kinda got dismayed....like really really dismayed to the point someone would burn me at the stake had I not bit my tongue...(yes, I do kinda worry about that still sometimes) anyway...the point being that you adults who find yourselves lingering this far down on my lame blog post about imperfection are going to get a wake the fuck up call tomorrow. or today, idk.
Get off the milk you sappy ass babies who think heaven is so far away and your papa left you here to struggle and cry and whine like little pansy ass toddlers who can't hold there effing spoons.....or who shoove moosh in their fat faces all day that they can't even see that your Father is not in some distant land of happiness and joy and that Home is somewhere in the damn sky and your daddy is gonna wipe your ass for you all the days of your life! UGH... why do you think you were ever apart from Him??!!! WHY!!!? Maybe it's just some of you, I don't know.
WHY do you keep stuffing your faces full of baby milk (lame bible stuff) when you should be standing on your feet and praising His name by doing the work that He has set before you. That doesn't mean to open your mouth and shout it...it means to open your hearts and show it (obviously!!) WHY aren't you eating MEAT? (not real meat, but fearlessness) MEAT that says you are His Temple...YOU are HIS Glory, YOU are HIS light....YOU are HIS LIFE....and HE is YOURS....
but no...go to church and play games with your buddies who want to make more money for your church and your churches pot luck and your churches family's but do not consider the family that lives next door...
Go drink your milk and pray your father comes for you oneday...because my Father is already here...and He is crying because of YOU. >:(
Pray your heaven calls you home and doesn't forget you....because I live at home...and it is Heaven...and Jesus lives here. You are just too blind to see anything other than the barriers you have placed upon your own hearts. and I am so so so so dismayed at your peril...
Drop everything you know...every damn thing you've read or heard or thought about God...everything!!! Drop every thought of God, every thought of Jesus and let it go like the wind takes away the ashes...let it all go....and when you are done, find what is left in your heart and you will see the Lord...and you will know His name, and you will see His face and everything you ever knew and ever will know will be nothing compared to what you will behold....and every breath, every heartbeat, every thought....it will make you see that letting go of yourself, and your ideas, and your bricks....was covering that which you always had...Him.


Like that?...I did...:)
Did it taste bitter? I hope so...
Is it hard to chew? Indeed...but meat is always that way...and it's only the fear that keeps you from growing. Fear of letting your ideals go, fear of losing what you think you know... Fear of thinking that He will leave you if you let Him go...let me tell you something...Letting Him go, doesn't make Him leave, it brings Him in closer to your heart until He consumes it...and when He consumes it, everything you see will be in love....
oh...but then you will be persecuted and people will crucify you (or threaten to burn you at the stake for proclaiming the Jesus is Lord on your stupid blog!!!)be warned. They will throw their stones. They will set forth giants after you. They will set traps and deny you their hearts. They will twist your words and make them turn against you. They will demand that you explain your actions...but they can only hear what you say if you feed them milk...as they are just children....who can't and won't even taste the meat...their hearts are hard and their souls are locked away under the wall of bricks that they have built to protect their ideals and their thoughts....they rely on their own thinking...they rely on the thinking of their church and their colleges...they cannot hear their father's words....for he speaks with meat....but they choke on it and spit it out as if they are turning their backs on Him....stop feeding them milk...and eventually they will swallow the meat and realize they have grown stronger nd it is satisfying and they will know the Father, the Son, and the Sprirt will move in them ...awaken from it's long slumber, now nourished with power and strength...and God's Kingdom will be known.....

Ah...screw it...I talk too much and no one freakin gets it....sorry for wasting your time.

Much love, my everlasting bobble heads of hydration gel and fertilizer. Much love, friends.

...procrastinating

feeling poor and broke, and achy...
no money, no energy or will to get up and get things done....however I started piddling with my new yudu screen printing machine this morning only to stop when I realized I can't get the emulsion film off without emulsion remover....I tried everything we have except gas (cause I can't find the gas can) but paint remover, lighter fliud, and vinegar, and goo off does not work....so I have to wait till I get some real stuff...boo/hiss, I was all prepared to waste my day playing with it too.

I need to get sewing work done too, like seriously, but I found myself watching youtube videos and seeing how much money we do not have in my bank account, so I haven't made it in there yet....I totally suck! UGH! Nothing will get done if I can't get my head on straight....something is definitely in the air or it's the moon or something.....cause I could care less what gets done that past few days...
derby practice is tonight, guess I should go, only to fight the resistance, even though if something just so happens to go wrong, i could be persuaded to just stay home and be less proactive...idk. I'm in one of those 'I don;t give a shit' moods.... I hate this.

Anyway, I think the world is about to go straight to hell...something is seriously up, really, can't you feel it? Things are going whacked and there's a heavy pressure lingering..idk, something just feels weird.
I haven't had any bad dreams thankfully, but it's not Friday yet...and we all know Friday is 11-11-11...and all that stupid stuff they freak out about on youtube is supposed to happen that day or something...yeah, whatever, i doubt it. Because I just know I will have to finish my orders and still end up having to deal with that one certain annoying customer who just won't go away...ugh...I am trying to be polite...I really am...but I just can't keep dealing with them...
But on the bright side, thanksgiving week is coming up and I am freaking leaving! Unless that all hell stuff breaks loose. and when I get back I will just finish up what I need and freakin disappear.... I will never sew up a custom again or so help me.... ugh!!!! I hate my job.

But on a brighter note, i have seriously realized that what I do for my job/hobby is something that is earned and learned over trial and error and not ever doing it the old people way...and by george I do it highly well....and even though I still haven't figured out my new machine and I still don;t know how to pronounce many terms or even read a stupid sewing pattern....I do it well...... and I think my prices should reflect that.....
because I have hired help....and some do a great job, and some do not, and for doing a certain technique....it seems only I can do it well......that or they are rushing and do not care if it turns out looking like crap....
and then I have to go 'fix' their shit...which in turn pisses me off and I no longer give them work to do...oh well.....I tried, but I can't sell things with my name on it if it looks like crap. ugh...
yes, i'm complaining....when I should be complaining about how much food costs...or the fact that our water jugs we order won;t be in till Friday...and well, i kinda would like them in now before the shit hits the fan in the case it actually does.....although we all know it won;t, because the world wants to stick it to me and wants me to finish paying our bills and still manage to buy food to feed ourselves too....
but then again....we have an almost paid off house and a running vehicle, and hot water, and coffee...oh coffee...I'll be back in a sec...

as I was saying....I kinda like having that stability and technology stuff...it's nice and I don't take it for granted...except maybe ink pens...I just always expect them to work and I get mad if they don't, lol. and my mini laptop...because I would die if it was messed up since book 2 is on it and I have 13 chapters already written on there!!!
My kids and the pets, and that laptop is all what I would have to grab if the house was on fire, lol. I'll take the phone too so I can call the fd!

anyway boring rambling, sorry...want something pleasant and memorable?.....let me think....
did you know....that Saturn will be exiting the sign of Virgo on the 11th...did you know Saturn holds a sickle? hmmm...interesting...Do you think you will be considered the wheat or the weed? or a hybrid?...hmmm....I'm a tree, so have fun with that ;)

giants like to stomp on you soul.....

*sigh...

somehow, I've landed myself in the valley...not literately, and I am not explaining...I hate this place, but I know it must be...
I feel all alone again. Wondering around in the dark with giants lurching around. Even if I feel a part of something for a time, it quickly gets pulled apart by something or another and I always assume I had something to do with it. Not that that is true, but I carry the burden....as always.
It's one of those built in things I came with to just not fit in... I guess it'll never go away, I'll never belong, and I'll never have a home, never have a family.
Yeah, just hubby and the kids, and Him...but everyone else is so far away... and those I claim as family don;t even know it, or they don't care.
and I'm not talking about blood family, I'm talking about life family....but what does anyone know of such things...they are all blind...and I am still hoping they will waken....still.

Nothing is bad, nothing is wrong....just me, and my warped thoughts about how we should all belong to each other...and knowing it will never happen...and we will all be lost in the shadows forever.

I went to heaven before...and there were people there whom I knew were my family, but I couldn't recognize them while I was there. Jesus was there, wearing a blue robe, it had gold designs on the sleeve cuffs....but all I could really see was His smile, His hazel eyes. I ran to Him, like a child does when their father has been gone for a long time and jumped into His arms. He lifted me up and carried me across the garden, no one disturbed us, and all attention was on each other. I can't remember what I asked Him at first, but my second question was if I was doing okay. He said "What makes you think you are further behind than when you began?"...and while I was trying my darndest to understand what that meant, I woke up.
Of course I know what it means now...the point is, I know there's a better place for us. There's a better place...and everything here in this world is nothing....absolutely nothing. And there in that place...is more real than every heartbeat, every breath we can ever take here. And we are all family, all of us....and I would give everything I have for you to know it too...everything, although I am nothing and have nothing left to give.

You'll never know where I am...as I am not afraid to go where He leads...but sometimes I cry out in silence...and no one hears, only Him....and you'll never know where we are. and you'll never see us, but we will always see you, and I'll cry for you too.


anyway...I have nothing else to say. I'm not sorry for anything I do....I am not perfect, but I try to do good....you are not perfect either, but I try to see the good in you.
goodbye

Thankful for the rises and the falls

Let me tell you something....it's a secret, but it's all I can think up to write about :)
I am thankful. Not only for God and all His wonderful unique abilities to reveal weirded out things to me and leave me smiling, or the fact that I feel indestructible...but I am thankful for a wonderful family. My hubby whom was an answered prayer and he's awesome in his ability to provide for our family and for other stupid things I may want..and his unending patience with dealing with a happy crazy person like me for the last 12 or so years...but because he is still handsome too.
My kids who I am very thankful that they are moral and are able to clean up after themselves most of the time. That they are respectful most of the time, and that they don't complain when we skip schoolwork...or that sometimes I have to work more often during this season than the summer.
I am thankful for our heater in our house, because my body simply does not function correctly when I get cold. I am thankful for hot running water (yes, I know it's laced with chlorine and contaminates and not fit to drink) but it's hot and you can stand under the shower for over 20 minutes without doing anything but enjoying that hot water....and yes, I am thankful for our hot water heater as well....and hubby for not complaining that I waste water too much.
I am thankful that even though I have $32 in our bank account and -$500 in my paypal account, that I still manage to find myself with internet access and hot coffee every morning and evening....and a pack of Twizzlers on top of the microwave.
I am thankful that I am part of a most excellent roller derby team full of unique outstanding people, each with talents and challenges that make mine seem like nothing. I can't wait to start hitting them, lol.... yes really, but only in fun :) I love them all.
I am thankful for my pets too, because they really need me. My cats cause disasters and little inconveniences that make my own 'real' problems disappear for the time when I am having to clean up their messes, and I can spoil them without much cost other than my back when I am having to hold Prince Vaughn for extended amounts of time, because he's a momma's boy, and likes to be held while he's napping...and I let him get away with it most of the time, lol. Bubbles likes to sleep on our pillow at night and be petted constantly, and Foxy, well, she meows alot, but doesn't seem to know how to 'send' messages about what she wants very well....it's hard to figure her out. Snips the gerbil is just plain awesome. Isaac is obedient and sweet, and our new pup Coraline is full of potential! Once her housebreaking is complete that is....
There is much much more to add to this list, but I could go on all day and still wouldn't be done, so in an effort not to bore you with my happy happy lala land of joyfulness, I will spare you the rest.

What else.....oh!! I just got a new toy in the mail that makes stuff (embroidery machine) and I'm still trying to figure it out...but am seriously considering turning the now storage room (future bathroom) into my sewing room and my present sewing room into the future bathroom instead.... mainly since the machine needs to hook up to my computer and the usb cord is only 4 ft long...my computer is 30ft away from my sewing room, but if I moved it to the storage room (future bathroom), I could run a hold through the wall and the machine will only be like 3 ft away.....but I would need a floor in there first (after it is cleaned out)..but the bathroom if I moved it would be more finished than it is now, lol. Decisions decisions....oh, and I would have to take out the small bathroom window and put 2 larger windows...which really isn't so bad, but I have to have my sunlight. I can't function without it.
Anyway. let's not talk about work, because I have to go do that here in a little bit....and I want to procrastinate a bit longer without thinking about how much I have to do on my list today...spare me.

Whoops, found myself on youtube, again....guess I'm done here...see what multi-tasking does to you, haha! See you mighty fighting parasailors later, fly in the wind and hope for a better day, because the fall is coming....

boring, don't bother.

Well, what's up my lovelies?
Let's tell you what's up here in my little world....
I got a brand new pair of roller skates!!! And they fit this time, lol. And have cool blue wheels, and today hubby made little leather thingies on them to try and keep from scuffing them up while playing roller derby. SoI can't wait till I get to go skating again....which unfortunately next Thursday instead of Monday, but that's okay, because Monday night I am going trick or treating....ahem...I mean I am taking the kids trick or treating....yeah...taking them, lol.
Not like I can eat half that candy anyway. And truthfully neither will they, because we have the nice Halloween Fairy that comes and takes all the candy away except for the 20 pieces they get to keep...and of course she leaves a non edible item for trade.....in other words, hubby's work buddies get to have treats because he brings the bag full there, where it gets empties in less than a day. We really trick or treat for the simple point of dressing up and seeing all the fancy houses and yards in that nice richy neighborhood where we go every year, lol. But I consider it safe since there's oh about 300 other kids that will be roaming the streets along with us, so I deem it non threatening.... sorta like those church trunk or treat thingies they swiftly call something non spooky like fall festivals and such...but occasinally there is one maybe two that actually are cool, but the other ten or so just have that spooky weird feeling like it's all a cult thing...and really odd...but once at one of those odd feeling 'trunk or treat' church things...I did get a laugh when someone was dressed up as a nun (mind you this was a baptist church, lol) I thought the costume was cool. But after trying to figure out why everyone was dressed up as people from biblical times and why they had a snake wrapped around a faky tree with apples on it.... I saw a group of women (they gave me a bad felling, not sure why) but they all walked through the crowd and were heading inside where they were going to do a play or something. Something about their demeanor or body language, idk, but it was weird... we left after that because it sucked (we were only there to bide time until hitting up the nice neighborhood)
Anyway, my new thing is that churches are cults. Yep, all of them, (and yes, I know not all of them are, but I am going to say they are...because you all need to be aware that sin has manifested itself in all the places you think are safe and happy...) You won;t find God there among those who hide themselves in sheep's clothing...nope...you'll only find Him out and about doing His work....
And where is that, you ask? Inside you....inside me, inside us all who are His.
Not in a building trying to figure out how to make it's congrgation richer, or how to make money to fix the plumbing, or how to bring more people to church to get more tithes to pay the electric bill...no...He is out there helping His neighbor fix their truck...He is out there lending an ear to someone who feels alone...He is out there cooking dinner for a family of seven. He is out there...and among His people....and if you can't find Him, you are not where you should be.....
He put you in the place you need to be, why do you continue to go out and search for Him, when He is in you and where you are He is also....and what you do, He does too....and when you see a need, fill that need....because even if you think you can't....He will give you the means to fill it in some way. He will place it under you, but only after you thank Him for giving you the honor of such an easy task. because it has always been under you....you just keep looking down, instead of up.

Ooh boy, let's get off that subject....
So anyway....I bought a nice fancy embroidery machine...and I can't freaking wait to get it in!!! So excited!!
And we found Toothless a home, which is great, because we can still see him grow up :) like his sister, and I know he'll have bunches of fun terrorizing his new family! :)
And if I happen across another 'something' that needs help, I can take that responsibility someone else decided they didn't want...and hubby won't freak out. :) It's all good.

Do you know what else is good?
haha...lots of things, but I just remembered something...you know that dream I told you about with the red in the sky and then it turned into a storm?....well, do you realize that the freaking Northern Lights just appeared in the south a few days ago! Yes, I missed them, but they were all the way down to AK, and TN, and KY and I think TX too!! But they were also RED!!! wow, now that's cool....too bad I didn't get to see them, but still...awesome... (lol, which in my dream I thought it was awesome at first too....until the huge storm started forming...that wasn't cool after that...) anyway...just keep your eyes and ears open...cause things are going down....and that second full moon in my other dream will be on Nov. 10th...and they are doing that stupid Crystal skull thingy on the 11th...which may also be the same day the NWO blows up the Hoover dam...and crap (yes, I do watch too much youtube, lol...and no, I don;t really believe it, but it's fun to mess around with) anyway...just letting you know, cause it's interesting....I would say cool...but in my dreams I thought things were cool until bad things came...not cool.
So anyway....I heard, that the elite military is on high alert for the week of the 11th as well? and why though? and why is the gov. shutting down all the radio and tv to do a 'test'??
Whatever, fun to mess with, but don;t expect anything 'cool' to happen...
it never does...

Though I did see a ufo before...and it was 'cool' AFTER I high tailed my ass out of there, lol.

So....what else...hmmm....ummm...nothing I guess...that sucks. Off to go do something funner. bye my lovely wondrous super cats with capes of flames and whiskers or bright sunshine fairy dust!!whoo!

Sorry, I said a bad word.....but you made me mad

So.... I'd like to think that I can tell you what you want to hear, but what fun would that be...you getting all you want, lol....
This weekend was great, but didn't get all what I wanted to get done done...and therefore have to make up for it tomorrow....
But we had a nice visit with family.
I now also have 3 orders on my board to complete....instead of 12.
hahah.....but we all know it will not stay like this...
I wanted to list holiday stuff for work, but alas...I did not have the time, not to mention one of my potential helpers has some of the stuff that goes with them...so I have to wait till tomorrow evening....ugh.
And I have 1 costume I HAVE to make tomorrow evening as well if I intend for my customer to get it in time for Halloween. And roller derby is tomorrow too....yay. Let's pray that all will go somewhat smoothly and at least the important things are taken care of for once.

And for a rant.....I'm disappointed that some things I do must be a talent and only I can do it evidently, and the fact that one that has much potential is not willing to try the hard ones because they take too long....but for me they take like 2 minutes or less (literately) so I'm back to square one with the applique help....or shall I say the lack of it. Embroidery machine...you are in my future if I even remotely decide to continue in this hellhole of a business. I hate my job.

Another lame-o rant = food is expensive....healthy food is really expensive...and I no longer care.... I just buy the good healthy stuff.... screw it. If I'm going to spend any money on it at all...it will be for the good stuff.
Prince Vaughn doesn't like when we have company so he got mad and hasn't been back yet.....I hate when cats do that...he's making me worry...ugh...
Rant #2 or 3 if it matters.... since I mentioned hating my biz.... I go back and forth on the mindset of wanting a grant or something so I can hire more help and make more stuff and get that new machine and then sell more and so on....but then I realize...I just don;t care. I like designing, but I have found that fabric is way too expensive for me....so is that fancy machine....so is paying others....especially when you haven't even sold anything yet. Then I start thinking that what others make isn't the most awesomest (like the stuff I can make when I am not having to fill orders) and then my biz name becomes sub par and therefore I offer mainly $30 sets instead of mainly $100 sets...so the people who buy $100 sets will pass me by even though I can make $100 sets.... but on the other hand, those who cannot afford $100 sets are only there for the $30 sets and are appalled at the $100 price tag...especially since they want it but can't afford it....and I end up not selling it at all....grrrr.
I would like to offer both, but I can't keep both groups of people happy at the same time. kwim? oh yeah...and I will not do customs after November. EVER AGAIN!
So even if I sell a $100 set.... it'll be only once. then I will get stuck in another rut of having to make a few more so I can assure myself of a paycheck. then I will rush....then I will stop caring because I feel rushed....I am sure it will be a never-ending cycle and I will be ranting about it next year.....
Or I can just quit... the only problem with that is the money issue. I kinda need it. Did I mention how much groceries cost? And gas? and other bills?
I need to go have a long chat with OMG, INCREDIBLE.... (who has been very quiet lately) He just stands around and watches what I'm doing even though I keep waiting for him to help...ugh.... Him or my other friend....who I didn't really thing about asking till just now......so I will get on that and tell you what these guys helped me decide...

Anyway.....besides the flip-flopping on my business.....I just shared a few of my secrets yesterday....to real people... (lol, in other words, not writing it down) so I feel weird....because it is personal...and it's mine... but other than finding it difficult to remain present while describing certain things I now have those memories newly lodged in the forefront of my mind...nice.
No, they are not bad...far from it...but while they are there, it's kinda like reality is the dream....and those moments are true life....
But I am also glad that I am not the only one who heard those trumpets....

So enough about me, let's talk about you....what would you like to know today? - Would you like to know how to get the help you need? I will tell you..... - Ask for it....oh, but the secret is to ask loud enough....literately. Try it out, let me know how long it took.

By the way....I read a good post on a website that was so true. It related to why some who are religious claim that their way is the only right way... but I had to share this quote :)
“If God is One, Truth is One.” Only a fool would dip a bucket into the sea, then claim to possess the ocean.

I know you may think that Jesus is the way...the only way...and I think he is the way, I agree...but I have found His truth in all things...and I knew who He was before I ever knew His name....why must we all have to label the same One, with the same tags....
1: What if I learned a different name...would that keep me from knowing Him and more or less than another?
2:Do you think people are just born blind and deaf to spirit?
3:Do you think they need a miraculous feeling to be 'saved' (ugh, I hate that word!!!-'saved' - what makes anyone think they were lost?? yes, maybe at times when you suck, but really lost?)
4:Do you think He would just choose to leave someone out and decide later if He wants them?
.whatever....forget those stupid questions...don;t waste your time. It is hopeless to try and get people out of their damn little glass boxes....

Now I'm a tad bit angry....because I sometimes need to explain shit to the people who will twist and defile those questions....who make it go against them....you just wait...because He's going to burn your asses up.... and I'll be the only sappy fool standing next to Him trying to plea for your fucking salvation...and not know why. shit. I hate my job.

the rainbows have turned very dark...and the storm is close at hand....

Oh God....let me tell you something...not God...but you blessed readers who have made it thus far and still manage to read this craptastic blog of mine...
Today, unfortunatly....I watched a video on youtube...the one about the little toddler that got ran over by a van and 18 passersby just simply did that...passed her by while she was bleeding on the street... let me tell you how sick that is, and please don;t watch it, but if you must, search under 'hit and run toddler china' it's there....sick.
Anyway, that wasn't even as horrible as some other video which I accidentally clicked on about a little boy getting beaten because he was different....bad bad bad......and if I was there and had a weapon I would kill every last sick human who just stood there and watched...please do not watch it.
It was in another country..and thankfully I do not live there or will go there, but we all know things like that could happen here, really haven't you seen the 'What would you do' shows on 20/20 I think....it does happen here...whether it be neglect or abuse or just plain out sick stuff.

I don;t know how in heaven God puts up with people like that....or if you must lump us together, any of us. Even one sick thing like those videos would be enough for me to just burn the world up and wipe my hands of it...all of it.
Thankfully I do not have that job...because we all would have died today...or at least the really bad people....and the neglectful people..and the hateful people...and the sick people...and the people who just did nothing.....sick sick sick.

Our world is sick....and we can't do anything about it.....please get us out of here. Amen.

Oh, on another note...since we can only hope and make up random things to keep our mind off the fact that sin is alive....let's elaborate...
so the sign in Virgo that happened on the 30th of Oct...if you go 40 days after, it would be the 9th and 10th of Nov.....on the 9th Saturn leaves Virgo (and who is Saturn) oh just the guy with a sickle ;) and the Sun in in Libra (the scales/judgement thingies) Mercury/Venus/Mars are aligned just like the 3 pyramids in Egypt as well (and forms a cross within the planet alignments!)....And asteroid YU55 crosses between earth and the moon at midnight! (actually makes a cross in the alignment too) And it's a full moon! And if you know anything about the Illuminati 11-11-11 is a big deal.....and the hoover dam might rupture (because it shows it on the money! just like the twin towers burning it showed on the money before it ever happened!!!...and the water coming over buildings too is on the money) and all the other stuff that is right around then happening!! Now the point is why all of this all of a sudden? why?
Not even mentioning that my dream of the 2 moons would be on the next full moon, which is in November too on the 10th...hmmm, then the 11th is just after and if that had any connection with the alien ship and the people screaming......that would be ummm awesome...but bad and scary.
Anyway...we all know nothing cool ever happens, so don;t worry about it...just go to work and pay your bills and pretend the world is a happy place with rainbows and snowcones full of blue raspberry juice!