It's 9:30pm-ish ...I've been awake for 33 hours. Minus this half spent 30 minute time frame between 11 and 11:30 this morning....
Not really tired, just zoned out.
Should be working right now as well.....but I thought I needed to come here first.
Don't know why just yet...maybe it will come in a few.
So I have sewing work to do...but its more like tracing and cutting applique work....then sewing appliques.....I rarely get to sew at all anymore....which is way way funner....and dare I say faster/easier/better.But appliques are what needs done....like earlier today they should have been done, but alas....they are not.
I did get to edit photos for a bit this morning while on my anti-sleep mode. Still have a just a tiny wee bit more, like really a little bit but need to get priorities straight sometime or another and that is thirst on the 'list'.
I'm missing the boss man, and my very good friend, both whom I haven't had a decent chat with in a while. But I think I'll take this next coming morning and visit....and hoping the sun will be shining again....as the rain seems to make things sluggish.
Updates.....since I can't remember when my last update was and I'm too lazy (or more like anti-distractable) to go check.
Kids still are liking taekwondo, The boy very much so that he is already very interested in being a junior trainer when he makes it to a blue belt. The girl is her ever 'you won't see me get excited, but yeah I like it' mood, but she still is enjoying it from what I can tell.
Sewing work....my life at the moment...at least until the 23rd of the month....Is booked solid for the rest of May and probably the first week and a half of June. I do like this though. As since the house on the mountain is sitting without renters, money is a gift that I am very thankful for....to pay those taekwondo fees, and buy food/gas/and stow away spending money for vacation.
Photography work, going good, though it would be much nicer if my to-do list wasn't so full so I could focus on the more....its like having adhd, but the h part only shows up in regards to taking pictures. And only if the 5 or so very important orders are finished....*sigh
Homeschooling....we no longer do 'school' at all, but more of a life learning process. It seems to be working rather fantastically, and even though I quiz the kids with random trivia, they seem to either get it right or listen when I explain the right answer....that or look it up on google. We made puppets last week (mine is sadly sitting unfinished) and i'm still wanting to do a math week, whenever I actually have time to focus again on things other than those 5 immediate orders that need done this morning.
Running a business is just that....a busy-ness.. And its great and ARGHHH!!! and UGH and HAHAHAHAHAHA! and GRRR and WHEEEeeeeEEEEeEeEeE! all the time and mixed up and jumble and random forms of those to where you'll never know what the day will end up like. I can say my day will end up in ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ's for sure. I have something to attend in the morning with my coffee. My coffee and a few of my besties.
must go now...lost interest writing ...
so....just a thought whilst reading the news...........10 women in a limo that catches fire, 5 escape, 5 die....while on a toll bridge (San Mateo)....Ummm....coincidence....San Mateo means St. Matthew....Matthew 25 in bible refers to the 10 virgins (women) who went out to meet the bridegroom....(which happens to be where these women in the limo were going, as 1 was the newlywed bride)...5 were foolish and didn't make it, the other wise 5 were prepared and ready for the bridegroom and left with him.........Coincidence?
Not saying we are going anywhere....but things are vibrating at a very rapid frequency....keep watch.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
grumblings for tuesday
Today is one of those days where this 1 little customer shows up to ruin your whole day.
This is where we get to the point of wanting to quit our job again.
Now it wouldn't be an issue if it was a mess up on my part....as I am all for remedying my mishaps....but no this is due to the customer not liking the shade of the colored shirt.....because it doesn't match a skirt she needed it for....
I can't guarantee such things....you say yellow, I get yellow....you say blue, I get the only blue I can find....WTF. Not like I have a huge colored t-shirt store here and the skirt to compare with each other...ugh!
And this falls on top of the fact that she bought many, so she got discounted....which falls into that category of "charging less = less of a customer"....and this is the main reason I will never ever ever ever do low priced sales again unless it is just for my 'best most awesome customers' only. PERIOD!
So I haven't responded to this lady's message yet...cause at this point I'm still irate and am so overwhelmed with the reprehensible ignorance of people today that I may say something the wrong way (well, the right way, but probably not in the best interest's of neither me nor her, lol)
So no response for now.....sigh
So...there was this video I watched yesterday about not altering your path to appease others, and not telling yourself that things are 'fine'...but to basically burn bright fire energy to get what you want....and I find this rather old school obvious, because we all already know this, but lack the actual energy to just do it. Or in my case lack money and a freaking top hat.....lol. Too many ideas and I can't get them done since they all cost an X amount of money. And well, the money is spent, or will be spent...as I have to get my garden areas built asap. Cleaning/clearing yard up this weekend. Getting wood probably as well. then dirt, then start all my baby seedlings!! Which I guess I could do now if only I could talk myself into it....but I don't 'want' to...and that's what we need in order to get anything done....or just ask the boss man to handle it for you.
Right now I just 'want' to quit my job for a few days, lol. I like the majority of it, but sometimes I need a vacation...like now....somewhere warm with loads of cash.
Today, I'm actually going to finish 4 Monster's Inc. dresses instead of taking that vacation. and probably work on another shirt that needs decorated if I feel like it and happen to have time. Other than that, dinner, computer crap, kid time, a well thought out response to the craptastic customer who shattered my customer appreciation nodules, and maybe some other stuff.
This is where we get to the point of wanting to quit our job again.
Now it wouldn't be an issue if it was a mess up on my part....as I am all for remedying my mishaps....but no this is due to the customer not liking the shade of the colored shirt.....because it doesn't match a skirt she needed it for....
I can't guarantee such things....you say yellow, I get yellow....you say blue, I get the only blue I can find....WTF. Not like I have a huge colored t-shirt store here and the skirt to compare with each other...ugh!
And this falls on top of the fact that she bought many, so she got discounted....which falls into that category of "charging less = less of a customer"....and this is the main reason I will never ever ever ever do low priced sales again unless it is just for my 'best most awesome customers' only. PERIOD!
So I haven't responded to this lady's message yet...cause at this point I'm still irate and am so overwhelmed with the reprehensible ignorance of people today that I may say something the wrong way (well, the right way, but probably not in the best interest's of neither me nor her, lol)
So no response for now.....sigh
So...there was this video I watched yesterday about not altering your path to appease others, and not telling yourself that things are 'fine'...but to basically burn bright fire energy to get what you want....and I find this rather old school obvious, because we all already know this, but lack the actual energy to just do it. Or in my case lack money and a freaking top hat.....lol. Too many ideas and I can't get them done since they all cost an X amount of money. And well, the money is spent, or will be spent...as I have to get my garden areas built asap. Cleaning/clearing yard up this weekend. Getting wood probably as well. then dirt, then start all my baby seedlings!! Which I guess I could do now if only I could talk myself into it....but I don't 'want' to...and that's what we need in order to get anything done....or just ask the boss man to handle it for you.
Right now I just 'want' to quit my job for a few days, lol. I like the majority of it, but sometimes I need a vacation...like now....somewhere warm with loads of cash.
Today, I'm actually going to finish 4 Monster's Inc. dresses instead of taking that vacation. and probably work on another shirt that needs decorated if I feel like it and happen to have time. Other than that, dinner, computer crap, kid time, a well thought out response to the craptastic customer who shattered my customer appreciation nodules, and maybe some other stuff.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
...and I want more of you
Pour out every last drop....and fill it with you....
He speaks....and I see it replaying in my mind again and again. "Take hold." He says as His hand is stretched out to me....to me and my failing. "Take hold."
And where is that courage? Where is that courage to step out away from yourself and your own plans and your own scarred ways of refusal.....that courage to take hold of His and rely upon it.
I pray for Him to bring it to me.....this courage.
I realize I haven't written in forever. And haven't updated either....mainly because I've been swimming in applique work up the ying yang. But I finished a huge order and have a random number of rather easy things lined up (yay!) only to be followed by about 3 looking to be difficult ones. Of course I have new things to be prepped and prepared in the meantime, but haven't had any focus time to tackle such things....maybe this coming week will grant me more productive time management to get those things done.
Basic run through....kids are happy and great and I think this mix of homeschool unschool is pretty awesome....I asked if they liked it and they said they loved it, lol....( I bet they do!)
Taekwondo great too, Skylar's stitches in arm thing is good, getting those taken out at the end of the week.
Hubby still good. Me still ok-ish, I'm tired at the moment (yeah, I know it's 1am, so) and waiting to hit up the dr. visit in 2 weeks...ugh! yeah for the throat thing....hopefully won't cost me too much $$ grr...
Still waiting for warmer weather, so I can get that garden started, and fix the stupid fence because the craptastic dogs like to tear it up to get out..... :P
That's tomorrow's task, assuming it doesn't rain.
House is a mess, but having a cleaning day Monday so it doesn't look like I neglected it all month, haha! It's not really that bad though, unless you are including my sewing room O_O
And do you realize hard hard it is to find 4x4's that are not pressure treated....ugh! I need 2 6ft ones....how hard can it be?! Even weathered with cracks in it would actual be perfect so I don't have to lay them out in the sun for 2 months.....sigh.
Anyway....nothing else cool happening, but I'll be sure to tell you if it does and I have time and I don't forget! :) aren't you lucky!
I had this dream once....where I walked out on the air...and that courage was there....there until that last step...and that courage had turned to terror...the fear of falling. And perhaps it wasn't 'not having courage', but rather the total and unhindered trust in letting yourself, your thoughts, and your ways give away to be replaced by Him/His....because He wouldn't let you fall...and He didn't let me.
In that particular moment, he didn't say this new "Take hold" as to keep from falling out of the sky.....he didn't say anything as I scrambled to grab onto Him....no, He was already turned around and had hold of me, long before I dared looked up from the distance below my feet. But now...that we've been walking into this choice...our choice is given....whether we want to walk with Him....or not.
I find this a challenge...this complete letting go, even though I've done it before. But this is a new kind...a new something.....and this rampant inborn disease is blinding and deafening and tries as it may to block out Him and this "Take hold.".
Let me tell you a story (yay! stories!)....
So there was this lady at the park...she had 2 kids, a boy and a girl, both averaging at about 8 years old or so. They were playing in the sandbox (well of course they were!). So next thing you know this lady starts getting irate at her kids because they lost some doll toy in the sand (yeah, they buried it, duh!) and she was carrying on and yelling and such and threatening and so on....
So I had this idea to go and help them find this buried doll....emphasis on the word 'idea'. But, we know how this story ends....
And I find myself thinking back as to the why, why, why....and the fact I didn't have that courage thing...and I was blinded and those screams were louder than my vision...and those shadows were darker than my light....and now when this time is revisited I see Him there in front of me with His hand outstretched saying "Take hold." ....but now it's too late. And why couldn't I see Him then....and why didn't I listen....
and how much we long for that fire to be set in our soul...that we can't contain....that we can't control......
He speaks....and I see it replaying in my mind again and again. "Take hold." He says as His hand is stretched out to me....to me and my failing. "Take hold."
And where is that courage? Where is that courage to step out away from yourself and your own plans and your own scarred ways of refusal.....that courage to take hold of His and rely upon it.
I pray for Him to bring it to me.....this courage.
I realize I haven't written in forever. And haven't updated either....mainly because I've been swimming in applique work up the ying yang. But I finished a huge order and have a random number of rather easy things lined up (yay!) only to be followed by about 3 looking to be difficult ones. Of course I have new things to be prepped and prepared in the meantime, but haven't had any focus time to tackle such things....maybe this coming week will grant me more productive time management to get those things done.
Basic run through....kids are happy and great and I think this mix of homeschool unschool is pretty awesome....I asked if they liked it and they said they loved it, lol....( I bet they do!)
Taekwondo great too, Skylar's stitches in arm thing is good, getting those taken out at the end of the week.
Hubby still good. Me still ok-ish, I'm tired at the moment (yeah, I know it's 1am, so) and waiting to hit up the dr. visit in 2 weeks...ugh! yeah for the throat thing....hopefully won't cost me too much $$ grr...
Still waiting for warmer weather, so I can get that garden started, and fix the stupid fence because the craptastic dogs like to tear it up to get out..... :P
That's tomorrow's task, assuming it doesn't rain.
House is a mess, but having a cleaning day Monday so it doesn't look like I neglected it all month, haha! It's not really that bad though, unless you are including my sewing room O_O
And do you realize hard hard it is to find 4x4's that are not pressure treated....ugh! I need 2 6ft ones....how hard can it be?! Even weathered with cracks in it would actual be perfect so I don't have to lay them out in the sun for 2 months.....sigh.
Anyway....nothing else cool happening, but I'll be sure to tell you if it does and I have time and I don't forget! :) aren't you lucky!
I had this dream once....where I walked out on the air...and that courage was there....there until that last step...and that courage had turned to terror...the fear of falling. And perhaps it wasn't 'not having courage', but rather the total and unhindered trust in letting yourself, your thoughts, and your ways give away to be replaced by Him/His....because He wouldn't let you fall...and He didn't let me.
In that particular moment, he didn't say this new "Take hold" as to keep from falling out of the sky.....he didn't say anything as I scrambled to grab onto Him....no, He was already turned around and had hold of me, long before I dared looked up from the distance below my feet. But now...that we've been walking into this choice...our choice is given....whether we want to walk with Him....or not.
I find this a challenge...this complete letting go, even though I've done it before. But this is a new kind...a new something.....and this rampant inborn disease is blinding and deafening and tries as it may to block out Him and this "Take hold.".
Let me tell you a story (yay! stories!)....
So there was this lady at the park...she had 2 kids, a boy and a girl, both averaging at about 8 years old or so. They were playing in the sandbox (well of course they were!). So next thing you know this lady starts getting irate at her kids because they lost some doll toy in the sand (yeah, they buried it, duh!) and she was carrying on and yelling and such and threatening and so on....
So I had this idea to go and help them find this buried doll....emphasis on the word 'idea'. But, we know how this story ends....
And I find myself thinking back as to the why, why, why....and the fact I didn't have that courage thing...and I was blinded and those screams were louder than my vision...and those shadows were darker than my light....and now when this time is revisited I see Him there in front of me with His hand outstretched saying "Take hold." ....but now it's too late. And why couldn't I see Him then....and why didn't I listen....
and how much we long for that fire to be set in our soul...that we can't contain....that we can't control......
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Smokey thoughts.....
So before they really do pick the next pope guy....my off the wall random guess based solely on the freaky picture of this guy.....may be Cardinal Angelo Scola. I only say that because of the freaky half faced, dark eyed man in the background of the picture looking straight at the camera.....um....weird. --- http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/white-smoke-pope-black-smoke-nope-live-video-174900106.html
Now also off the wall random thought is this smoke issue.....either black for no vote, or white for a new pope....not that I care...I'm not catholic, I don't think, haha. -- Anyway....I hope nothing comes out looking like blue smoke.... because of that dream I had...of the blue smoke that foretold of nuclear disaster....really really bad messed up dream and we don't want to hear anything of any kind of blue smoke ever. Got that.
As we all know this dream I had ended in death. (after I of course clicked the button that caused nuclear power plants to explode to kill the demon people trying to kill me, lol)and I saw the percussion blast and it disintegrated the demon lady in front of me and I ducked and covered but still kinda died, but wasn't dead....kwim? NO BLUE SMOKE ALLOWED!
Ok...back to this current world scenario....
Kids like their taekwondo classes and their school co-op classes....I like staying home, lol. And If this predicament of not wanting or physically working keeps up, there are bound to be issues! UGH!
Too much going on, and no time to write about it.
I'm a bit excited and sad and crazy and lonely and happy and overly awake and extremely tired..... you know when I mean.
Too much to do and I can't rightfully get it all done in less than a month, so I just won't do more than absolutely necessary...if even that. I keep asking the boss man to handle it all, since I can't seem to do anything or bring myself to do it anyway....ugh.....Need to go have a chat with the boss man and my very good friend.....maybe that will work. hrmmm...
btw....He looks really astonishingly amazing in armor.... fyi. s.p.e.e.c.h.l.e.s.s.!
Now also off the wall random thought is this smoke issue.....either black for no vote, or white for a new pope....not that I care...I'm not catholic, I don't think, haha. -- Anyway....I hope nothing comes out looking like blue smoke.... because of that dream I had...of the blue smoke that foretold of nuclear disaster....really really bad messed up dream and we don't want to hear anything of any kind of blue smoke ever. Got that.
As we all know this dream I had ended in death. (after I of course clicked the button that caused nuclear power plants to explode to kill the demon people trying to kill me, lol)and I saw the percussion blast and it disintegrated the demon lady in front of me and I ducked and covered but still kinda died, but wasn't dead....kwim? NO BLUE SMOKE ALLOWED!
Ok...back to this current world scenario....
Kids like their taekwondo classes and their school co-op classes....I like staying home, lol. And If this predicament of not wanting or physically working keeps up, there are bound to be issues! UGH!
Too much going on, and no time to write about it.
I'm a bit excited and sad and crazy and lonely and happy and overly awake and extremely tired..... you know when I mean.
Too much to do and I can't rightfully get it all done in less than a month, so I just won't do more than absolutely necessary...if even that. I keep asking the boss man to handle it all, since I can't seem to do anything or bring myself to do it anyway....ugh.....Need to go have a chat with the boss man and my very good friend.....maybe that will work. hrmmm...
btw....He looks really astonishingly amazing in armor.... fyi. s.p.e.e.c.h.l.e.s.s.!
Friday, March 1, 2013
idk, little bit estranged....
This song reminds me of something... -- http://www.godvine.com/American-Idol-Contestant-Sings-Powerful-Song-About-Jesus-on-National-Television-2872.html -- something in depth and particular and exact and beyond a shadow of a doubt the base existence and truth of all of this life, the realest part of existing, even more so than this reality we live in. This song reminds me of this certain short (everlasting) moment I was beyond blessed to experience and remember with clarity....as it is everything.
I didn't get to see it on tv live though, even though I try to catch some american idol when I can, but I find myself going back to look at this video clip often.....hmmm.
So much more out there and I find that so much more has just recently opened up and poured out and I'm at a loss as to why there are so many out there who can't see it, taste it, feel it.....are they dead? How do we waken them? Look at these wonders....sleeping and they do not see....and how are we to show them if they have their eyes closed, tell them if their ears are closed, share with them if their hearts are no longer beating....?
Time is short....and I wouldn't be saying this otherwise if everything wasn't already shaking under our feet...if the skies weren't crying out, or if the wind wasn't wailing with something remorseful...yet eager...
Anyway....about eagerness...I'm eager to get my garden area cleared...and still waiting for a break in the weather to dry out a bit....to hit up lowes and build some boxes....
Eager for spring and some warm weather as well, I miss the sunshine and heat! :)
I'm not going to get into conspiracy theories tonight....boo! But maybe for another time, lol.
Kiddos are now taking taekwondo and enjoying it...they like the co-op school group too, and the fact that our homeschool curriculum is based on their choice instead of mine. I think they are doing rather great though, I think maybe refraining from dangerous science experiments may be suggested though.
There's probably lots more I can't think of that I was thinking of earlier that now I can't remember what I was going to write about, so I guess I'll just not write about it and just write more about what I think I could write about or not..maybe, somehow..whatever...
Bubbles' ear is all stitched and healing now...but he hates taking his meds. The dogs are bad and if you want to adopt one, please get in touch with me....they are sweet little cuties, you'll love them ;)
I can't remember what happened the last few days other than the basic rounds and sewing....yeah I sewed...and even finished some very very last minute sets today about 1 minute late of having to post them for sale ....I think I did great, lol. Sold enough to pay for groceries next week! Whoo hoo!
Other than that....watching American idol, my regular youtube channels when they actually post something interesting, and have finally broken away from the Judge Judy videos and now its a mix between refusing police authority and those retarded Harlem Shake videos....ugh! Why do I watch crap, lol....stupid I tell you S T U P I D! Don't even bother with harlem shake videos!
sigh.....my neck is all pressurizing again...ugh.
tired, going to bed early...yeah, it's 12:50am right now...yes, that is early.
taking family out to see the Monster Trucks tomorrow.
rumble rumble, jump and tumble, squash those cars down....boom.
I didn't get to see it on tv live though, even though I try to catch some american idol when I can, but I find myself going back to look at this video clip often.....hmmm.
So much more out there and I find that so much more has just recently opened up and poured out and I'm at a loss as to why there are so many out there who can't see it, taste it, feel it.....are they dead? How do we waken them? Look at these wonders....sleeping and they do not see....and how are we to show them if they have their eyes closed, tell them if their ears are closed, share with them if their hearts are no longer beating....?
Time is short....and I wouldn't be saying this otherwise if everything wasn't already shaking under our feet...if the skies weren't crying out, or if the wind wasn't wailing with something remorseful...yet eager...
Anyway....about eagerness...I'm eager to get my garden area cleared...and still waiting for a break in the weather to dry out a bit....to hit up lowes and build some boxes....
Eager for spring and some warm weather as well, I miss the sunshine and heat! :)
I'm not going to get into conspiracy theories tonight....boo! But maybe for another time, lol.
Kiddos are now taking taekwondo and enjoying it...they like the co-op school group too, and the fact that our homeschool curriculum is based on their choice instead of mine. I think they are doing rather great though, I think maybe refraining from dangerous science experiments may be suggested though.
There's probably lots more I can't think of that I was thinking of earlier that now I can't remember what I was going to write about, so I guess I'll just not write about it and just write more about what I think I could write about or not..maybe, somehow..whatever...
Bubbles' ear is all stitched and healing now...but he hates taking his meds. The dogs are bad and if you want to adopt one, please get in touch with me....they are sweet little cuties, you'll love them ;)
I can't remember what happened the last few days other than the basic rounds and sewing....yeah I sewed...and even finished some very very last minute sets today about 1 minute late of having to post them for sale ....I think I did great, lol. Sold enough to pay for groceries next week! Whoo hoo!
Other than that....watching American idol, my regular youtube channels when they actually post something interesting, and have finally broken away from the Judge Judy videos and now its a mix between refusing police authority and those retarded Harlem Shake videos....ugh! Why do I watch crap, lol....stupid I tell you S T U P I D! Don't even bother with harlem shake videos!
sigh.....my neck is all pressurizing again...ugh.
tired, going to bed early...yeah, it's 12:50am right now...yes, that is early.
taking family out to see the Monster Trucks tomorrow.
rumble rumble, jump and tumble, squash those cars down....boom.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Dreams and the living
Do you know those times when you really really want to believe in something and you are to the point that it sounds great and fantastic and way too good to be true? Times when you let yourself fall into this illusion of amazement or amusement and you let yourself get carried by the tides and you feel your so close....but yet you still stand outside yourself and watch how you are being deceived and just have to wait for yourself to wake up from the delusion, no matter how grand a delusion it may be.
And then when you finally manage to remember the only thing that really has proven to bring truth and you use that method...you wake up...and you sometimes are sad that you can no longer revel in a dazed bliss of ignorance like everyone else seems to still enjoy, but you have to go on and continue with a better plan....the better plan that was there from the beginning....and you're still happy, but you know you failed to distinguish things in the first place and you wonder if it will happen again...because of this amnesia of forgetting truth....forgetting it over and over...
We forget our teacher...and we start listening to ourselves, and it's when we rely on that...that we fail.
I haven't heard that Voice in many a long time....I could say it has been months, but maybe a week or two....it all feels like eternity either way, and every now and then there's something...but perhaps not the something we hope for...like that radiant joy or unveiling life altering event, sometimes it's just the quiet peacefullness of it, and it's like a calm stream, and we bask in the light of the sun after the rapids, and before what is to come.
We have this way of seeing what our minds cannot see...this stepping outside of ourselves. Here we can see where we've been, where we are, and even what is to come. In this place we can see Him...hear Him. The knowing of the truth and the trial and the thanks. Only when our minds remember this place do we realize we are never alone or forgotten....or ever left in the dark....
It's this world that casts a shadow over our memories and realizations and makes us forget where we came from and where we are going. ...... ...... do not fall asleep in this darkness.... we are not of this world. Stay awake and shine the light. Shine the light. Shine the light.
I've been lazy. I asked the boss man to handle everything for me. If it's complicated, I ask Him to handle it. If it's hard, I ask Him to take care of it. If I just don't want to do it, I ask Him to do it for me.
This seems to be working.... amen.
Oh...and if we love something....even if it's insane and irrational and totally impossible.... love it anyway. God is Love.
Not going to share regular everyday stuff with you this day....not that I don't want to or care at all....but I guess there's just too much to update on and I'm tired. It's now 2:53am and it's bed time and I kinda like sleeping, lol.
ya know.....I think there's something going all wacky lately.... I hope that weird sickness thing I had didn't go and change my dna for the worse.....hrmmm,...... I feel different somehow.... ... oh wow....look, no one to talk to about that....how nice....well....except for my very good friend....so...maybe....
g'night. Love you all. <3
And then when you finally manage to remember the only thing that really has proven to bring truth and you use that method...you wake up...and you sometimes are sad that you can no longer revel in a dazed bliss of ignorance like everyone else seems to still enjoy, but you have to go on and continue with a better plan....the better plan that was there from the beginning....and you're still happy, but you know you failed to distinguish things in the first place and you wonder if it will happen again...because of this amnesia of forgetting truth....forgetting it over and over...
We forget our teacher...and we start listening to ourselves, and it's when we rely on that...that we fail.
I haven't heard that Voice in many a long time....I could say it has been months, but maybe a week or two....it all feels like eternity either way, and every now and then there's something...but perhaps not the something we hope for...like that radiant joy or unveiling life altering event, sometimes it's just the quiet peacefullness of it, and it's like a calm stream, and we bask in the light of the sun after the rapids, and before what is to come.
We have this way of seeing what our minds cannot see...this stepping outside of ourselves. Here we can see where we've been, where we are, and even what is to come. In this place we can see Him...hear Him. The knowing of the truth and the trial and the thanks. Only when our minds remember this place do we realize we are never alone or forgotten....or ever left in the dark....
It's this world that casts a shadow over our memories and realizations and makes us forget where we came from and where we are going. ...... ...... do not fall asleep in this darkness.... we are not of this world. Stay awake and shine the light. Shine the light. Shine the light.
I've been lazy. I asked the boss man to handle everything for me. If it's complicated, I ask Him to handle it. If it's hard, I ask Him to take care of it. If I just don't want to do it, I ask Him to do it for me.
This seems to be working.... amen.
Oh...and if we love something....even if it's insane and irrational and totally impossible.... love it anyway. God is Love.
Not going to share regular everyday stuff with you this day....not that I don't want to or care at all....but I guess there's just too much to update on and I'm tired. It's now 2:53am and it's bed time and I kinda like sleeping, lol.
ya know.....I think there's something going all wacky lately.... I hope that weird sickness thing I had didn't go and change my dna for the worse.....hrmmm,...... I feel different somehow.... ... oh wow....look, no one to talk to about that....how nice....well....except for my very good friend....so...maybe....
g'night. Love you all. <3
Thursday, February 7, 2013
maybe one day
Wow. Gotta love this country and it's president. God save us all.
So that's a a huge chunk we no longer get.....and it looks like there might be ample reason to head on over to the human resource department and get some of those handouts they seem to give away all the time over there. Paying for it all anyway, so whats the difference.
Times like this when I really want the world to go to hell and burn in hellfire flames and take our departure into somewhere where there isn't any bullshit crossing the road. You will know exactly what I'm talking about when you receive your paycheck.
Anyway.... other than that predicament.... hubby is broken, I'm brokenish....and now financially broke as well. But, on the good side....I'm very thrilled to announce that this can only get better :)
And I say that with a bullshit smile on my face, haha.
Cause we all know....if this chest issue doesn't go away soon, I'll need to go see a doctor...and then I'll have heart failure or something radical which I can't pay for and then I'll die and then what will you have to read, lol.
Of course, there's ample supply of Judge Judy youtube videos and conspiracy theorists, and rapture people to watch...which I admit that I do watch them, lol. Unfortunately the rapture thing keeps getting pushed back further and further...I'm not sure we'll ever make it to that day ;). The conspiracy people are right on the mark for the most part though. It's like reading a book and already knowing how it ends....and then you turn the page because something just happened to confirm it....hmmm.....but then again, I can say the same thing about some of those end of the world rapture videos too. Judge Judy is just for fun...that and those stupid funny cat videos.
Well....I'm not quite sure what happened with that job....haven't heard back from them....and I'm not going to do anything about it. No longer care. I'm suffering at the moment right now anyway.
In other worldly news...the boss man is on hiatus. Can't seem to locate Him.... :( ... but maybe it;s just me and my amnesia or something.... I luckily have a very good friend though who keeps me in check.
...do you realize that its a bit strange that I sometimes talk about things on here or especially my deviant art page and then they end up happening....weird.
Need to start talking about departing, so we can get on our way already.
I'm about to go crazy dealing with people....and I do not think I will ever do anything for anyone ever again. I'm so frustrated! Why do people do what they do and just not give an ounce of consideration to anyone else?! Really!? I can try and try and try to be a selfish ass all damn day, but that isn't going to make my moral consideration disintegrate. I can talk shit all day on here, but I'm not going to purposely cause a disservice to anyone else. Damn people....what is wrong with you?!
It would be like someone reading all this horseshit and trying to figure out who I am, lol. I'm multipolar....like a star....and truthfully, I'm an outcast of many sorts and there's probably something wrong with me socially and lately physically, and even though I would like to be someone else or act differently, I'm pretty happy being me anyway....(except for this current issue) and once I start feeling better I can share more....but tonight, I'm just out of it. And now I'm tired and sad and I need to finish my list so I can get what I need tomorrow.....
So that's a a huge chunk we no longer get.....and it looks like there might be ample reason to head on over to the human resource department and get some of those handouts they seem to give away all the time over there. Paying for it all anyway, so whats the difference.
Times like this when I really want the world to go to hell and burn in hellfire flames and take our departure into somewhere where there isn't any bullshit crossing the road. You will know exactly what I'm talking about when you receive your paycheck.
Anyway.... other than that predicament.... hubby is broken, I'm brokenish....and now financially broke as well. But, on the good side....I'm very thrilled to announce that this can only get better :)
And I say that with a bullshit smile on my face, haha.
Cause we all know....if this chest issue doesn't go away soon, I'll need to go see a doctor...and then I'll have heart failure or something radical which I can't pay for and then I'll die and then what will you have to read, lol.
Of course, there's ample supply of Judge Judy youtube videos and conspiracy theorists, and rapture people to watch...which I admit that I do watch them, lol. Unfortunately the rapture thing keeps getting pushed back further and further...I'm not sure we'll ever make it to that day ;). The conspiracy people are right on the mark for the most part though. It's like reading a book and already knowing how it ends....and then you turn the page because something just happened to confirm it....hmmm.....but then again, I can say the same thing about some of those end of the world rapture videos too. Judge Judy is just for fun...that and those stupid funny cat videos.
Well....I'm not quite sure what happened with that job....haven't heard back from them....and I'm not going to do anything about it. No longer care. I'm suffering at the moment right now anyway.
In other worldly news...the boss man is on hiatus. Can't seem to locate Him.... :( ... but maybe it;s just me and my amnesia or something.... I luckily have a very good friend though who keeps me in check.
...do you realize that its a bit strange that I sometimes talk about things on here or especially my deviant art page and then they end up happening....weird.
Need to start talking about departing, so we can get on our way already.
I'm about to go crazy dealing with people....and I do not think I will ever do anything for anyone ever again. I'm so frustrated! Why do people do what they do and just not give an ounce of consideration to anyone else?! Really!? I can try and try and try to be a selfish ass all damn day, but that isn't going to make my moral consideration disintegrate. I can talk shit all day on here, but I'm not going to purposely cause a disservice to anyone else. Damn people....what is wrong with you?!
It would be like someone reading all this horseshit and trying to figure out who I am, lol. I'm multipolar....like a star....and truthfully, I'm an outcast of many sorts and there's probably something wrong with me socially and lately physically, and even though I would like to be someone else or act differently, I'm pretty happy being me anyway....(except for this current issue) and once I start feeling better I can share more....but tonight, I'm just out of it. And now I'm tired and sad and I need to finish my list so I can get what I need tomorrow.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)