.....not for you


I follow The Alchemist to the forest, down through a small pathway that had overgrown with more bushier plant life and vines, forcing me to move them aside as I travel through it.
It wouldn't have been so horrible of everything was dry, but it was all soaking wet and dripping with the last rain that was probably ten minutes ago. Not that time was a thing here.
   Now I was wet, a bit chilled, and about to learn something profound.

I had asked The Alchemist why I couldn't hold the higher energy or signals, that it felt like a rubber band pulling me back, snapping me back.
He didn't want whatever he was to say in the book I'm writing... so I'm here, now following him through the trees, off quite a distance from the cabin now.

"Close your eyes." He tells me as I still follow him.
I do so... trusting him to lead me through the overgrowth without getting drenched even more. Slowly we make our way further and further. I hear water, moving water.
"Here." He whispers, bringing me beside him.
   I open my eyes. There's towering rock cliffs rising high upwards where a waterfall in the distance drops and creates more smaller waterfalls as it flows downward toward where we are at the bottom of the ravine.
This is the cathedral... I realize, feeling the energy of this place fill into me, through me, with me.
"This is you." The Alchemist says. "All of this is you. The parts yet to be discovered. Inside, outside. Everything is you. All of it."
   I'm silent. I understand.
"So...I will then ask you. Why couldn't you hold the higher energies, the higher signals?" He asks what I asked him.
   I lower my eyes, crying in silence, holding it back. Smothering it under a million blankets, smothering my worth under a million blankets.
"The emotions aren't safe." I say. "Who can see this but us? Who can feel this but us? Who knows the truth, and even if they did, will it be held as sacred?"
"All of this is you. The who is you." He says again.
   I squeeze his hand.
"The world is me? Others are me?" I question, thinking it didn't quite fit right.
"There are no others." He shakes his head. "Go back to the emotions. The energy." He kneels down, now that I'm back to being a child again.

It takes me long minutes.
"They are the rubber band. The blankets." I say softly.
"Who." He asks.
"My own thoughts and perceptions of others." I tell him. "I brought them here." I shake my head. "How do I get them out?"
"They aren't here. You...are there." He confirms. "Come home. All of you. All of your presence moving through this space. With the overflow moving to them." He says assured. "The overflow."
"Fill myself up first. Is this what it means?" I look at him, thinking I knew this, but not at this level of awareness. This level of depth and of height.
"Yes." He smiles, taking my arms gently, almost to the point of tears. "Yes."

"Teach me how."

"Ooohh." He hisses a bit. "Not me. Seiphra."

   I might have froze. I liked Seiphra. I did... but he was a samurai. I was gonna get beat with a stick until I learned, wasn't I?
The Alchemist grabs my jacket and pulls me forward to touch his forehead to mine briefly.
"Seiphra is a friend. His training...his teaching...is guaranteed." He whispers. "Trust him."
"It's okay." I smirk. "I understand." I say, knowing full well that I would give Mustang more trouble than I would ever give Seiphra.
"I won't go anywhere. I'll be with you. Making faces as he swats you across the shin each time you get out of line." He teases.
"Yay." I do mini jazz hands.

"I accept." I say, agreeing to this nonsense. "I accept." I breathe in. "I accept." Cause the third time is the real acceptance.

A rant and a deluxe piece of engineering.

 

2023 Porsche 911 gt3 rs
But I prefer matte black....
the design software didn't have that option...

Just putting this here.
I exchanged the cybertruck for this...
because SPEED
and the new 4runner is already on the list when my current one expires

So I'm writing this book on Atlantis.
It's a collection of interviews from Atlantians.
Hope it makes the cut, haha.

Haven't wrote in the other lately, but it will come when it comes.
That one will take awhile, as it's not up to me...
It's up to the aethers what comes through...
and if I ever get some fucking time to meditate and have a chat.

I just wanted to rant today...
but while I'm speaking of books...
Just yesterday I had this huge influx of shit for book 8 of Angel of MidKnight...
and fuck me if this story ever ends...
Book 8 wouldn't be due til 2024...and here we are not even having stepped into 2023 yet.
son of a bitch...
son of a bitch...

Anyway...rant...
about this time constraint I'm still suffering from.
Suffer as in annoyed, not awfulness.
...
meditation...
that place I get all this awesome intelligence and genius from.
Where insights and unfathomable intuition grows out of.
where I meet the best people ever!!
   hence why real world people are so fucking boring...
so... I'm having the hugest irritation with being consistent.

'They' say to do meditation in the morning...
but that hasn't worked for the millionth time I've tried to do that.
My soul isn't even here...and then you want me to have a conversation or gather up cool stuff...
while I'm half asleep...
NO. I literately fall back asleep... or don't remember one second of whatever was going on..
so that does not work for me in any shape or form.
So mornings are a NO.
There's the afternoons. I love meditating in the afternoons...cause I don't fall asleep, I get to have chats with the aether peeps, or myself, or whatever... I remember it all. Easily can consciously delve into any issue or challenge to bring a solution to it. Manifesting powers are honed here.
  but...guess what... I've got shit to do.. errands, work, other work stuffs... I could do it a few days..
but a few days is not considered consistent.
   I do my workout more consistent than a few fucking days...
So unless I give up the jobs... which what's even wrong with that? (oh yeah.. *money)
the afternoons are a 'great time, but damn it if you aren't always available'.
Evenings... evenings are writing time. Networking time...
  I have gotten in a few meditations in the evenings.. but like the afternoons... not consistent. I get 3-4 on a good week...and that's not getting into the depths.
It's like eating fresh baked bread, but only the end piece... not the center....where it fucking matters...
I get my workout in more than that even!
FUUUUUCK...
I can't stay up til 2am all the time... *sigh.
And there is no such thing as cutting into writing time...I'd just be bombarded with book scenes the whole time...
Fuck me.. I don't even have art time... What the actual FUCK!?!?!?
Now I'm kinda pissed now that THAT realization has hit me...
wtaf...

I want it all.
Every fucking thing.

Especially that Porsche.

now..let's have a inner dialogue...
Say there was money to pay all the basics off and shit..
and buy the car and 4runner.. and hubs a new truck.. and the airstream...
Would I write? Absolutely! More so!
Would I meditate? Oh hell yeah! All the time!
Would I art? Certainly!
Would I workout? Yes! And go hiking at all the national parks, duh!
Would I pet sit?
   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  No....
   It's a no.
I already set my Rover account to 'away' so I don't pick up any new clients...
and truthfully I can give current clients to Skylar to handle.
No biggie... I do it for the money and ease and play time with pups/kits and I can run errands while I'm out and about. But yeah.. it buys gas and pays a few bills.
Would I still sew?
   That's a no too.
   Right now I only work one day every two weeks cause slow season... which is rather great.
  But *money
   ....but time...
time to do my stuffs....

We will rearrange my list and just do it.
Create the happening.
I can do what I want.


Peace out.

Nah.

 I've tried 3 times to come here and actually write.
So noww I have a sentence, so I guess that's a win.

When you channel other souls and they want to argue with you while you are writing a book...
that's fun...
when they gotta be draggin you into the story, when you don't want to be in the story to where people
know you're in the story.
But that's what Thoth does I suppose.
Tyrant.
Just like me.
Kuddos.
I may just edit it all out. idk yet.

Words are falling short in other aspects lately, unless you count the book I'm writing.
Which has a title already....and I'm so proud...
   *huffs on fingernails and buffs them on shirt cause it's all that and more.
Hoping it will be a short book, aiming for 10 interviews.
  which may bring it to 100 pages if I'm lucky....
  but that mind probe is saying it needs to be longer... argh... might just yank that out
  cause what's wrong with 100 pages... *sigh

I have a few intentions I've thought about... to up my game.
adding back the focused meditation has already paid off and I will be continuing such expenditures.
Think I'll do a kylego too... cause why not... last time I did that, it also paid off pretty well...
just like the time I posted all those pics of my future 4runner.... *which I also still LOVE.
 and the pool pics *thumbs up... even though we have to relevel it for next year...

so let's start now...
waiting until the new year is for losers.



((((((((((((((((((((
((((((((((((((((((((

Kylego 12/22/2022

   I remember... when the properties we listed for sale sold in the same week for our asking price. It was amazing, one sold and then boom, a few days later the others did. Everything went smoothly and quickly and that ignited our finances to clear out the rest of the debt soon after.
   Things moved SO FAST! and everything shifted amazingly in our favor! We scored some awesome opportunities for quick chunks of massive cash and enhanced our finances for the long term.
It was so fun and exciting to get the publishing contract and finally earn huge checks for writing! That was a great start to an actual career that pays better than all things combined.
Oh! It even sparked my artwork to start working again and made big bucks with that, selling all the originals and still selling multiple prints of past pieces.
Also got an outstanding payment check for the next book that is already in the works! I'm so excited!
I just loved that everything aligned perfectly. I loved it made life so simple and easy.
I loved how quickly things unfolded and how expanded it made things.
I love how beautiful things grew more and more and more.
I love that the older kids found a great place to move that was perfect and affordable and safe and nearby. I love that Teir found a job he really likes and is thriving.
I love that hubs is going hiking and growing his hair out.
I love that I'm rich and the garage is cleaned out so that when I get my porsche, it has somewhere to go.
I love that Tesla stocks went to $1000 per share...and still growing.
I remember when I saw the future and it came true....and I saw the past and it met me again.

(((((((((((((((((((((((
)))))))))))))))))))))))

just minor updates so you don't think I forgot about you.

 
So I've been writing this other book...if that's what it's called?
and today revealed a huge dimension of information and insight into some sciency worldly stuffs...
   and I'm not sure if I can write about it... if I can share about it...
and there are no minds around me that are willing to dive into quantum physics..
at east not on a serious level... *sigh.
it totally has to do with some things that are highly controversial...ya know, like flat earth.

Anyway...
besides all those happenings from the aethers which are in my new project book...
   I'm really just trying to get my 'art' to start back up and turn on...
  cause it's not looking good besides the ideas...the images... but absolute ZERO motivation to begin.
and maybe it will one day...but I'll need to reconsider giving handmade gifts... argh.
  which would be great if I had money.

Speaking of money..
what even is that...? cause yeah...
I quit sewing at home...shadowdragon dreams
   even if I am still actively fighting off mind invasions of doing this or that for pay...
   really ignoring and redirecting that nonsense of doing for money...
   rather than doing because I fucking WANT to.
   so far I'm winning....cause I'm writing ... and that's what I WANT to do...
   *I also want to get paid for such too, thanks..
I still have the alterations job at the bridal place...
  still learning stuffs, but only working 1 day a week right now, slow season
   which is fine, cause I like staying home.
////speaking of... still watching pets too...
   have one client I check on twice daily... every weekday almost.
   It's meh... but it's money...
   but like I said, I like staying home....sooo.. I may drop that come Feb.
   I already turned off booking new clients on Rover..soo.. meh...
Otherwise...
  house stuffs, christmas stuffs...facebook stuffs...
...and...
   whateverthefuck...

I was hoping something interesting would come out to play...
but it looks like that only works with books...

bored...gonna go...
can't promise I'll be back here anytime soon, but no plans to quit anything here ;)

Things that don't make sense matter

 It's Halloween night....

and I sent out a bunch of emails yesterday for my screenplays.and I'm not one bit happy about it...
and I'm trying to convince myself that I had to do it to discover the answers...
but in truth.
I already knew the answer,
I always know the answer, *sigh.
and I keep trying to disprove myself all the time...
cause who can be right all the time?
who?
who?
even when I pretend it's gonna go great...
or have hope.
or have some illusion playing in my mind about the possibilities...
there's something standing right there in front of my mind going...
  'nah girl. this is bullshit.'
and I tell her to shut up, cause how does she know.
how does this I know?
how?
how?
who is she?
who is me?

fuck.

_______________

so what now...
what now?

mundane life stuff... all bullshit
writings stuffs....
   book editing starts tomorrow <3
  other book is still in progress cause it comes when it comes and I can't tell you when it supposed to come or not.
  Nothing else yet, beside a few random posts on FFS group... which I'm planning to transition over to my main page...and maybe restart a public page afterwards...

Art is revealing colors to me, so that will be on the agenda soon.
Excited to get back into the colors and paints and creating
Probably just christmas presents, cause I'm only buying a new bed mattress this year...and maybe a new go cart...and if I miraculously win  a million dollars     enough...  a porsche. 

Yeah, so... idk...
aethers are quite a thing lately, so I've been there
and I'm on a mission to hit 500 workouts on my ifit before the end of the year...
think it's at 437 right now... since December last year when I got my Nordictrack

Yes, I'm still working at my little side gig job.

All good here.
I love my life.

Just another day in the New Kingdom

 ooohhh...

So let's just say there's an ongoing creation going on with the perceived past.
A huge memory/past dump and wipe out...
Yeah... past-hacking...
of which I have doted on the things I've already altered.
and now it's been ravaged by an eraser and defrag and clearing...
so much so that it's been removed.
Every fucking bit of it this time.
Not sorry.

And now there's the adding of that which I've called forth to include in the rebuilding.
Something we can't do in a day...
but oh my dear...
   the effects of just this morning's new layer....
      can already be felt.

I might call this absurd and insane...
and maybe a bit hypnotic and erroneous and careless and dangerous....
    if I were someone looking in....
but to me...this is a necessary freeing of all that I am.
   and what was carved out from me....
    what was covered and stolen and cut away and hidden...
can now only thrive.
Like a forest that regrows after you've torn down the factory.

God bless this time and space for this healing and rewriting and creating.
   the matrix the council has placed me in is dead...
and I'm the fucking forest bitches.

_________________________

Mundane shit...

I'm getting antsy about editing book 7!!
  so excited to get back to it and start the process....
  but it's not time yet...
   Ahhhh! I can't wait!!

but anyway...
trying to remember to come here and write shit, cause I forget...
and obviously I can't always write on my feng shui group...
I can't always post awesome content for people to argue over on my page...
and I can't always write the 'currently in progress' book...
and I can't always write or edit my novels....
and maybe if I had a brain cell I didn't delete...
   I'd remember I have scripts to work on.... or write...

yeah.... so Imma do that...
one of those at least, LOL

have a great day

Futures of the new..it's CORN!

 It's only been a handful or two...of months...
"I'm totally alive and well!"
...
mundane ---
   I quit sewing at home, I laid aside ShadowDragon Dreams... yet again.
   I still have the job.
   Still have the quail, the kids, the pets, the numerous household projects I've yet to get done.
  I recently finished the first draft of book 7
   Still working on the other book.
   Still have plans/ideas for my feng shui group workbook thing... maybe...it's shifting.
  Still workout almost every day of the week.
   I have a bushel of apples in my kitchen.
   Finally regrouted my bathroom tile.
  I pet sit still, but only recurring clients, not taking any new ones right now.
   Have a ton of yard stuff to do...pool stuff...
 
___________

The Alchemist is still here and I love that.
  this makes like 3 years, yo! I'm SO ECSTATIC!

I think I'll actually go write a few pages in this other book I'm working on..
It;s a process since it's not a story...
It's about ME and The Alchemist... and omg, I love it so fucking much.

__________

Future post... cause I have it on my to-do list and why not.

A chunk of weeks until the revealing.
The theater is ready, the backdrops are set....
and now the actors are practicing their lines.
The lighting crews and the prop directors are awaiting their time to shine.
Just a handful more weeks and this show will be a GO!

You'll start to feel the settling in by November as people take their seats.
They'll be anticipating the new stories, the new writers, the new characters...
They'll get comfortable and cozy and sigh with relief...
and then the curtains will open to reveal THIS WHOLE NEW THING!
This new thing you never saw coming.
No one leaked info, or spoke a word of it...yet here it is..laid bare before our eyes.
   The new program and the new system...
Then the scene will open...the story set...and hence forth the integration will commence.

You won't have to ask for what you need...
It will be served.
You won't have to struggle to make ends meet...
The new systems will be user friendly, although a slight learning curve (or a set back to some for a very short time)
But overall, things will run smoother and faster once you get the hang of it.
Lapse time will be shortened dramatically, so don't be surprised if things go from thought to reality fairly quickly.
Remain seated and play along with the characters...
    they will be there to entrain you to navigate and utilize the new structures, programs, and systems.

Take note: There will be multiple sides of the theater.
Think of it like a symphony or orchestra. Some people will be the base drums, others the trumpets, still others the violins and flutes and cellos and oboes...
recognize and be kind to those who are opposite your playing field.
We all work in accordance with the tools and knowledge we've accumulated thus far.

The rest of us in the balcony seats who don't participate will be watching the show and the audience and throwing little tips to help you enjoy the disaster adventure you have found yourself in.
We have popcorn up here.