How can I love myself more?
Ask yourself that question,
when the world wraps you in chaos and plummets you
into the depths of the fury.
Let him embrace you.
The dark knight that pours out his pain and blasphemy.
Let him speak and writhe.
Hear the torture he feels. Give him space.
Let him remain safe with you.
How else can he find his way home if all doors are locked?
Love him.
It's not hard when you can love yourself.
Know you are the safe space. The fortress of peace.
Know you are the womb that can carry a soul.
The goddess that allows others to grow.
Allow, because you are allowed.
There are many ways to fight, but not all of them are with a sword.
Love the dark enough and it will no longer be dark.
Do you have limitations on your love?
Is there enough for yourself?
Fill yourself up.... then pour out, pour out.
Drown them all, the sufferers in the land beyond you.
____________________________________________________
Full moon eclipse energy, planets in retrograde.
I'm loving this.
It feels so unstable, but I have good balance.
Insights and intuitive lessons flow easily.
I'm listening.
Always listening... even when the storm rages.
Do you not listen for the voice?
Can you...Will you not hear?
Listen! Listen!
____________________________________________________
I've warned you.
I will not wait for you. I will leave you behind.
I can't, I won't, stay here with you.
I will move forward. Upward. Outward.
Prepare yourselves.
I'm not here to drag you, or save you, or help you.
I will devour you if you are not careful.
Be warned. Be prepared.
I am the Goddess... and I will thrive.
_____________________________________________________
that was fun.
picking up paint tomorrow.
1 work order, lol. I guess I'm on break?
have important projects and scheduled activities lined up.
on chapter 5 still in book...almost to 6
I'm pouring out love to myself
I'm allowing myself to receive the love I give too. (this is so important!)
feeling amazingballs.
feeling like the world is going to skyrocket soon, I smell the rocket fuel.
I love love love this! Exciting as fuck amazingness is going to go down!
or up! or out! who cares, it's going to be fantastic!
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Friday, July 27, 2018
hear my words that I might teach you...
this thing entered my aware-house today...
not at the time, but afterwards...
at the store, the grocery store...
that phrase, that fucking phrase...
did you find everything all right?
did you find everything you were looking for?
how are you today?
I'm raging.
not mad...not annoyed...
I'm littered in pity for you.
Pity that you demean yourself so.
Pity that you do as you're told.
Pity that you give your soul to do meaningless chores.
Pity that you ask those same questions to every fucking customer that passes your register.
Just stop.
Please fucking stop.
There are people who absolutely love that sort of job, but I know you are not one of them.
otherwise you wouldn't have repeated the same question twice...or was it thrice?
please for the love of any god that reigns upon your kingdom...fucking stop the bullshit.
Stop fucking giving leeway to every thing you 'should' do and fucking do whatever you really love to do. If you don't know what it is, then at least stop doing the things that are not what you love.
Please please please for the sake of Jesus Christ... once you clear out what you do not love, every space will fill with love. I swear this to you.
Please stop treating yourself like you deserve punishment.
You do not.
Stop treating yourself like you must be careful, or secure, or safe, or even 'good'.
You always always always are. This is not your job.
Stop acting like you have to prove yourself, or that you need to overcome...
for fuck's sake... you are the overcoming itself. You are above every fucking thing you see.
You don't need to earn anything. ASK and it will be given.
Stop playing around the edges of eternity and fucking jump in.
If these thoughts had came to me while I stood before you, I would have thrown you a curveball.
I would have said no.
But you would have said, oh no, can I get someone to look for it for you...
fucking stop! I don't want your help. I don't even want you to speak. Be silent. For I'd rather hear nothing than that fake bullshit that pours from your lips.
How are you today? I'm littered in pity.
but then you'll say... oh no, why, bad day? or you'll smile that smile that needs cut open with a pocket knife. Why so serious?
the same fucking record playing through every soul that lives within your dimension. over and over and over and over. The same comments. The same expressions. The same cloned existence that can't escape. Please wake up.
I'm unable to help you, unless you can hear the story behind the words...
I'm unwilling to wait for you. I will leave you behind. I will leave you behind.
I'm no savior. I'm not here for you.
________________________________________________________
the blood moon shines.... and this is the second death....
get ready for it.... things are about to explode like nobody's business.
Metallica plays in the background.... and this rhythm is like an energetic match to what's waiting behind the next door.
Open it! Open it!!!! It's going to start fast and move fast, but it won't leave you in the dark.
By the turn of the year... this person you think you are now....will be obsolete.
Welcome to the age of Aquarius.... bearing the waters within.... pour them out children...
Pour it all the fuck out. Drown everyone with your awesomeness.
________________________________________________________
Update on the purge...
upstairs is done and it's all cleaned except to mop n' glo the floors...I ran out.
purging downstairs is on the agenda
painting my living room is on the agenda
chapter 5 is on the agenda...totally getting there!
outline for next script is on the agenda
zucchini bread...
meeting the math teacher people next week for the oldest
hunting down a media console for my new living room too
work orders.... maybe next week, none right now
need to watch script videos sometime soon
need to dive in for another edit session with completed scripts
I really want to exercise...but not really... but yeah... ugh. Is there a way to just manifest this, that would be totally easier than actually having to move yourself....?
I feel like owning a costume.... but do I want to sew it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't make me die laughing.... I have other plans, thank you.
Is it midnight pirate dress-up hour? ...no... *sadness.
"Nothing is true; everything is permitted"
not at the time, but afterwards...
at the store, the grocery store...
that phrase, that fucking phrase...
did you find everything all right?
did you find everything you were looking for?
how are you today?
I'm raging.
not mad...not annoyed...
I'm littered in pity for you.
Pity that you demean yourself so.
Pity that you do as you're told.
Pity that you give your soul to do meaningless chores.
Pity that you ask those same questions to every fucking customer that passes your register.
Just stop.
Please fucking stop.
There are people who absolutely love that sort of job, but I know you are not one of them.
otherwise you wouldn't have repeated the same question twice...or was it thrice?
please for the love of any god that reigns upon your kingdom...fucking stop the bullshit.
Stop fucking giving leeway to every thing you 'should' do and fucking do whatever you really love to do. If you don't know what it is, then at least stop doing the things that are not what you love.
Please please please for the sake of Jesus Christ... once you clear out what you do not love, every space will fill with love. I swear this to you.
Please stop treating yourself like you deserve punishment.
You do not.
Stop treating yourself like you must be careful, or secure, or safe, or even 'good'.
You always always always are. This is not your job.
Stop acting like you have to prove yourself, or that you need to overcome...
for fuck's sake... you are the overcoming itself. You are above every fucking thing you see.
You don't need to earn anything. ASK and it will be given.
Stop playing around the edges of eternity and fucking jump in.
If these thoughts had came to me while I stood before you, I would have thrown you a curveball.
I would have said no.
But you would have said, oh no, can I get someone to look for it for you...
fucking stop! I don't want your help. I don't even want you to speak. Be silent. For I'd rather hear nothing than that fake bullshit that pours from your lips.
How are you today? I'm littered in pity.
but then you'll say... oh no, why, bad day? or you'll smile that smile that needs cut open with a pocket knife. Why so serious?
the same fucking record playing through every soul that lives within your dimension. over and over and over and over. The same comments. The same expressions. The same cloned existence that can't escape. Please wake up.
I'm unable to help you, unless you can hear the story behind the words...
I'm unwilling to wait for you. I will leave you behind. I will leave you behind.
I'm no savior. I'm not here for you.
________________________________________________________
the blood moon shines.... and this is the second death....
get ready for it.... things are about to explode like nobody's business.
Metallica plays in the background.... and this rhythm is like an energetic match to what's waiting behind the next door.
Open it! Open it!!!! It's going to start fast and move fast, but it won't leave you in the dark.
By the turn of the year... this person you think you are now....will be obsolete.
Welcome to the age of Aquarius.... bearing the waters within.... pour them out children...
Pour it all the fuck out. Drown everyone with your awesomeness.
________________________________________________________
Update on the purge...
upstairs is done and it's all cleaned except to mop n' glo the floors...I ran out.
purging downstairs is on the agenda
painting my living room is on the agenda
chapter 5 is on the agenda...totally getting there!
outline for next script is on the agenda
zucchini bread...
meeting the math teacher people next week for the oldest
hunting down a media console for my new living room too
work orders.... maybe next week, none right now
need to watch script videos sometime soon
need to dive in for another edit session with completed scripts
I really want to exercise...but not really... but yeah... ugh. Is there a way to just manifest this, that would be totally easier than actually having to move yourself....?
I feel like owning a costume.... but do I want to sew it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't make me die laughing.... I have other plans, thank you.
Is it midnight pirate dress-up hour? ...no... *sadness.
"Nothing is true; everything is permitted"
Monday, July 23, 2018
For the love of..... all things green.
How do you want to be loved?
Like a sunset? Watched with awe and serenity and calm.
Folded in the warmth of radiant ember glows.
A settling. A mixture of rest and repose.
A looking outward, only to find you are looking inward.
Like a fire? Held en-rapt by the turning of times.
Dancing like a wild heart, flitting to and fro.
A moving. A guide for hope and safety.
An inward fury of life, chaos to all who watch.
Like a forest? Ages of wisdom and breath.
Growing upward to the skies and deeply into the hearts.
Cascading across miles and miles and miles.
Being complete as one and as each other.
Like a river? Brushing past the edges.
A way maker to smooth down the harsh world.
Winding, rampant, tumultuous, divinity.
Lifeblood of magic and source.
Like a mountain? Safe and strong and unbreakable.
Powerful and dynamic. Standing as a hope for the blessed.
A secure and protective generating truth.
Mighty, trustworthy, everlasting home.
Like the moon? Rippled in the darkness, yet shining.
A place of refuge. A place of belonging.
Beholden by the young. Beloved by the old.
Mysterious and free. Wild wild dream.
_______________________________________
Or shall you love yourself as everything?
The truth within you. The doubt. The questions. The knowing.
The power and fury and wild wild savagery.
Fragile. Pain. Love. Depth. Anger. Rage. Sacredness.
All these parts of you.
You are the universe.
The twists and turns and caverns and mountain tops.
The canyons, the rivers, the valleys, the oceans deep.
All carried within one drop of a soul.
You are the colors of sunset, of sunrise. Of the falling snow.
The silence of an owl's flight and the crash of the waves.
The eternal. The goddess. The truth. The tides and the sands.
Love what you hate. Love what you are. There are no rules.
You are free. You are wild.
A wild soul casting out upon the earth for a time.
Following yourself home.
How do you want to be loved?
Love yourself like that.
______________________________________________
Eek! chapter 3 of book 5
I'm loving myself.
excited for some awesome happenings!
like tomorrow.
No work orders....so I get another day to do ^^ that stuff.
I say another...but I did work this morning... haha I forgot.
considering starting outline for next screenplay....
I'm pretty sure it's going to be Killian. ...
(I think he got that animation one in a choke hold and caused it to pass out.... ugh)
this will be my first comedy... like rated PG 13 comedy... if not R
It'll be close...
it'll prepare me for the other stupid comedies somewhere in line.
they will not be as edgy, but family comedies....Killian...not so much... O_O
I get to bird sit for the next few days. I'll be sure to post pics...
if I remember...
Oh...and trip planning time! (for like the year 2020, before the aliens come)
who's coming with?!
for when I sell the screenplay on that rude ass leprechaun...
that's my reward...and for my youngest....he likes castles and ruins.
I'll let you guess where we are going!!!!!!!! :)
I haven't done that little 5 mini-goal list yet.
I have 3 out of the 6 finished.
one of them seems to be a bit of a challenge...
I haven't found a compatible solution yet for it.
another I'm planning to still do.... but pinterest, yo.
the other... will be taken care of shortly. I'm kinda waiting to
see how much my $$$ is... idfk why though. It really doesn't matter.
I have the money now... even after tomorrow... ;)
but bravery, yo.... I can't remember what that is at the moment.... maybe tomorrow.
I'll leave you hanging now....going to do the meditate thing and
see if anyone wants to chat tonight.
Nigh night, tai chi lifesavers of brandy wine and expresso tea. Put four sugar cubes of lemonade sunshine in your cup and smile big so the kinkaju can take your picture. Click!
Like a sunset? Watched with awe and serenity and calm.
Folded in the warmth of radiant ember glows.
A settling. A mixture of rest and repose.
A looking outward, only to find you are looking inward.
Like a fire? Held en-rapt by the turning of times.
Dancing like a wild heart, flitting to and fro.
A moving. A guide for hope and safety.
An inward fury of life, chaos to all who watch.
Like a forest? Ages of wisdom and breath.
Growing upward to the skies and deeply into the hearts.
Cascading across miles and miles and miles.
Being complete as one and as each other.
Like a river? Brushing past the edges.
A way maker to smooth down the harsh world.
Winding, rampant, tumultuous, divinity.
Lifeblood of magic and source.
Like a mountain? Safe and strong and unbreakable.
Powerful and dynamic. Standing as a hope for the blessed.
A secure and protective generating truth.
Mighty, trustworthy, everlasting home.
Like the moon? Rippled in the darkness, yet shining.
A place of refuge. A place of belonging.
Beholden by the young. Beloved by the old.
Mysterious and free. Wild wild dream.
_______________________________________
Or shall you love yourself as everything?
The truth within you. The doubt. The questions. The knowing.
The power and fury and wild wild savagery.
Fragile. Pain. Love. Depth. Anger. Rage. Sacredness.
All these parts of you.
You are the universe.
The twists and turns and caverns and mountain tops.
The canyons, the rivers, the valleys, the oceans deep.
All carried within one drop of a soul.
You are the colors of sunset, of sunrise. Of the falling snow.
The silence of an owl's flight and the crash of the waves.
The eternal. The goddess. The truth. The tides and the sands.
Love what you hate. Love what you are. There are no rules.
You are free. You are wild.
A wild soul casting out upon the earth for a time.
Following yourself home.
How do you want to be loved?
Love yourself like that.
______________________________________________
Eek! chapter 3 of book 5
I'm loving myself.
excited for some awesome happenings!
like tomorrow.
No work orders....so I get another day to do ^^ that stuff.
I say another...but I did work this morning... haha I forgot.
considering starting outline for next screenplay....
I'm pretty sure it's going to be Killian. ...
(I think he got that animation one in a choke hold and caused it to pass out.... ugh)
this will be my first comedy... like rated PG 13 comedy... if not R
It'll be close...
it'll prepare me for the other stupid comedies somewhere in line.
they will not be as edgy, but family comedies....Killian...not so much... O_O
I get to bird sit for the next few days. I'll be sure to post pics...
if I remember...
Oh...and trip planning time! (for like the year 2020, before the aliens come)
who's coming with?!
for when I sell the screenplay on that rude ass leprechaun...
that's my reward...and for my youngest....he likes castles and ruins.
I'll let you guess where we are going!!!!!!!! :)
I haven't done that little 5 mini-goal list yet.
I have 3 out of the 6 finished.
one of them seems to be a bit of a challenge...
I haven't found a compatible solution yet for it.
another I'm planning to still do.... but pinterest, yo.
the other... will be taken care of shortly. I'm kinda waiting to
see how much my $$$ is... idfk why though. It really doesn't matter.
I have the money now... even after tomorrow... ;)
but bravery, yo.... I can't remember what that is at the moment.... maybe tomorrow.
I'll leave you hanging now....going to do the meditate thing and
see if anyone wants to chat tonight.
Nigh night, tai chi lifesavers of brandy wine and expresso tea. Put four sugar cubes of lemonade sunshine in your cup and smile big so the kinkaju can take your picture. Click!
Thursday, July 19, 2018
The PURGE
Level 41
....you should really try out the list challenge... even though I do the list of 6, and the roll of the dice chooses one of the challenges for me, I still do some of the others... I'm probably around 75% accomplished in total.
This time I got number 3 (again) - fyi, I roll a 3 most often, followed by 2 and 4, rarely a 1 or 6.
This sucks, because I find myself really thinking about what I put on number 3 now, lol.
I get to do a 5 goal mini-RUSH!
that's getting to choose 5 mini goals that you want to get done asap, no excuses, no delays, no blah blah blah, you fucking put them on the list and do it before you do anything else.
this would be a good time to notify you that I'm sort of a procrastinator.
I do things that I want most of the time, and the others things get put on a list just so I don't forget them. And then other things pop up that are more important (to me) so I do those next... otherwise the list stuff gets done when I feel ready to put forth the energy towards them. Or just when I'm really tired of writing them down again.... and I say fuck it and do them. Like all in a crash course, just because I rather not write them down...
this would probably be a good time to also mention that I like to do things the hard way... at least perceived by others (or actually my way I perceive how others perceive...?)
I'm totally overexplaining...and rambling... and explaining what I'm doing...
fuck
I'm not going to do that anymore... not that I actually do it much... just feels like it...
My list of 5 mini goals...
1. write chapter 2
2. plan for where I'd like to be by end of the year (like aspects: physically, mentally, financially, etc.) clarity, yo. Drifting is only fun 75% of the time...
3. pay off a credit card ...$450... basically... waiting for my paycheck
4. .... cookies
5. .... 4runner seat cover replaced
+ 6. .... PURGE the old worn out shit!
*******
would love to start on a script....
would love to go to the beach....
I have $20 in Kohl's cash to spend....
cookies... I want some cookies... ^ edit list!
seat cover for 4runner... no worn out shit in my life, bro. ^ edit the list!
I like that... no worn out shit in my life...
no worn out shit in my life...
I feel a purge coming on. that sounds really fun...
let's do it!
^ edit list!
I better stop before I find more stuff that sounds fun!
thanks for helping me come up with goals!
who knew.
probably go swimming in a little bit
I'm going to go make cookies.
....you should really try out the list challenge... even though I do the list of 6, and the roll of the dice chooses one of the challenges for me, I still do some of the others... I'm probably around 75% accomplished in total.
This time I got number 3 (again) - fyi, I roll a 3 most often, followed by 2 and 4, rarely a 1 or 6.
This sucks, because I find myself really thinking about what I put on number 3 now, lol.
I get to do a 5 goal mini-RUSH!
that's getting to choose 5 mini goals that you want to get done asap, no excuses, no delays, no blah blah blah, you fucking put them on the list and do it before you do anything else.
this would be a good time to notify you that I'm sort of a procrastinator.
I do things that I want most of the time, and the others things get put on a list just so I don't forget them. And then other things pop up that are more important (to me) so I do those next... otherwise the list stuff gets done when I feel ready to put forth the energy towards them. Or just when I'm really tired of writing them down again.... and I say fuck it and do them. Like all in a crash course, just because I rather not write them down...
this would probably be a good time to also mention that I like to do things the hard way... at least perceived by others (or actually my way I perceive how others perceive...?)
I'm totally overexplaining...and rambling... and explaining what I'm doing...
fuck
I'm not going to do that anymore... not that I actually do it much... just feels like it...
My list of 5 mini goals...
1. write chapter 2
2. plan for where I'd like to be by end of the year (like aspects: physically, mentally, financially, etc.) clarity, yo. Drifting is only fun 75% of the time...
3. pay off a credit card ...$450... basically... waiting for my paycheck
4. .... cookies
5. .... 4runner seat cover replaced
+ 6. .... PURGE the old worn out shit!
*******
would love to start on a script....
would love to go to the beach....
I have $20 in Kohl's cash to spend....
cookies... I want some cookies... ^ edit list!
seat cover for 4runner... no worn out shit in my life, bro. ^ edit the list!
I like that... no worn out shit in my life...
no worn out shit in my life...
I feel a purge coming on. that sounds really fun...
let's do it!
^ edit list!
I better stop before I find more stuff that sounds fun!
thanks for helping me come up with goals!
who knew.
probably go swimming in a little bit
I'm going to go make cookies.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Missing my coral colored birds
ok then, scratch that....the present is boring.
especially if you aren't working on something.
meditate! you say...
no, at peace already.... I have everything already.
do something inspiring! you say
no, I'm not feeling very inspired lately.
work towards a goal! you say
like what? If I'm satisfied where I'm at, where is there to go?
so this has been fun to deal with....
time to level up.... this is like the waiting room before entering the arena.
boring....
give me a fucking sword already, I want to hack and slash shit.
I took care of business... like
appointments
school curriculum stuff
student financial aid paperwork
work orders
grocery lists
cleaned the cat litter
made the youngest fail at holding in a smile
ok...Alexandria did that...
watched a movie
got schoolwork ready for this semester
(um...yeah, we do curriculum.... a little different than most...but still)
probably need to take care of these things... like
washing dishes... I swear these fuckers never get 'finished'
clean my bedroom... and actually put the damn clothes away
write on book more
let Alexandria do a few vines... not that vine is a thing anymore.
make a list on some sort of goal.... what do I want if I have everything, argh!
maybe just for the joy of breaking the time record on my manifestation super saiyan jedi shit.
I am competitive, even if it's against myself.... yeah...clarity on that.
and I forgot I was going to conquer the world.... wasn't that it? I can't remember now...
oh wait... I have... well fuck.
probably sit with my pieces of possible story for script because I seriously just want to start on another one, like yesterday. Maybe if I just tell it to get a move on.... I can feel in purpose.
I did not make the quarter-finals in contest. That's cool though. I have another one for next time.
I feel like a photoshoot too, but not sure on what.
Holy shit! I can do senior pictures!! Have to arrange a meeting with the oldest.
hey, I feel better already.... I should write more...
I'm gonna go do something funner.
Later!
Hot pocket butter pecan pineapple marmelade and ricochet sauce. Light that fire up and toss it in the credenzo so we can shoot off to the space rocket arena of fantastical fox tails and mermaid dreams. No not ecstacy, but something more legit, like folgers coffee with a dash of 3rd eye manipulations....with flamingos on top....
Speaking of... I have not found my flamingos...
especially if you aren't working on something.
meditate! you say...
no, at peace already.... I have everything already.
do something inspiring! you say
no, I'm not feeling very inspired lately.
work towards a goal! you say
like what? If I'm satisfied where I'm at, where is there to go?
so this has been fun to deal with....
time to level up.... this is like the waiting room before entering the arena.
boring....
give me a fucking sword already, I want to hack and slash shit.
I took care of business... like
appointments
school curriculum stuff
student financial aid paperwork
work orders
grocery lists
cleaned the cat litter
made the youngest fail at holding in a smile
ok...Alexandria did that...
watched a movie
got schoolwork ready for this semester
(um...yeah, we do curriculum.... a little different than most...but still)
probably need to take care of these things... like
washing dishes... I swear these fuckers never get 'finished'
clean my bedroom... and actually put the damn clothes away
write on book more
let Alexandria do a few vines... not that vine is a thing anymore.
make a list on some sort of goal.... what do I want if I have everything, argh!
maybe just for the joy of breaking the time record on my manifestation super saiyan jedi shit.
I am competitive, even if it's against myself.... yeah...clarity on that.
and I forgot I was going to conquer the world.... wasn't that it? I can't remember now...
oh wait... I have... well fuck.
probably sit with my pieces of possible story for script because I seriously just want to start on another one, like yesterday. Maybe if I just tell it to get a move on.... I can feel in purpose.
I did not make the quarter-finals in contest. That's cool though. I have another one for next time.
I feel like a photoshoot too, but not sure on what.
Holy shit! I can do senior pictures!! Have to arrange a meeting with the oldest.
hey, I feel better already.... I should write more...
I'm gonna go do something funner.
Later!
Hot pocket butter pecan pineapple marmelade and ricochet sauce. Light that fire up and toss it in the credenzo so we can shoot off to the space rocket arena of fantastical fox tails and mermaid dreams. No not ecstacy, but something more legit, like folgers coffee with a dash of 3rd eye manipulations....with flamingos on top....
Speaking of... I have not found my flamingos...
Sunday, July 15, 2018
One would be wise to live in the present.
I've realized a serious issue....
so I started my book, yo
....and well...you see....
screenplays need to be in present tense...
like saying 'Bob writes his name and leaves the room.'
but books are usually past tense.
like 'Bob wrote his name and left the room.'
and this is a struggle...
because I actively had to catch the past tense shit while writing my scripts
and go back and edit and edit and edit...just for that one issue....
so .....
here's the deal...
the book will need to be in present tense....
cause I don't want to get into a bad habit of writing past tense shit...
and anyway...we should all live in the present.
So that doubles up on the good feng-shui for our spirits...
so yeah.
Also, another problem....
I'm only about 3 pages in and need to rearrange things.... cause I forgot
there are other things that need to happen first... like, A LOT of things.... O_O
oy vey!
for scripts I use beat cards to outline shit before I write...
I never have for my books, at least not more than a few pieces of small ass note paper.
and now I'm like having to rearrange my brain conductors to fire off differently
and back into book format.
Well, at least I'm glad to be hanging out with my characters.
Too bad someone is going to die.
.....
and the battery in the laptop...is being a bitch.
I don't trust it....so after every paragraph I save the file...
paranoia at it's best.
In other worlds...
I'm choosing some big ass alchemic alterations for my psyche.
And this means some awesome shit is on the way.
and...whoa...hold the phone!
One of the competitions I entered are supposed to announce the quarter-finalists today.
Eeeek!
Did you know Athena was born from Jupiter's forehead after he ate her mother.
Just a random bit of mythology I read yesterday...
What might have really happened was Jupiter (the planet) covered over a star or moon (hence ate it)
and a comet or other star moved out from behind Jupiter at the top (hence forehead/birth)
Maybe he thought her up in his imagination? Created her with quantum gravity anomalies of frequency protons? Science, yo.
just sayin' - maybe I'll ask them about it.
Athena is the Goddess of wisdom, crafts, and war.
I'm still not sure why she's hanging around. She doesn't look like the pictures on google, btw.
She as a golden crown (helmet?) with wings on it. And seems a bit ruthless in a way....
I'm not sure about her just yet. She's been sending me owls though.
whatever... I'm sure I'll find out eventually.
I think on a whim stuff is fun.
Looks like a trip to the beach is on the horizon
just because I want to go.
and a trip to best buy is inevitable.
coffee... .... must leave you now....
I'll probably be back...
cookout later today
work orders tomorrow
need to watch a movie so I can send it back to netflix
write book....and not stay up late.
probably other things that aren't coming to me right now....
ta ta, heroes of chalk dust and mathmatics, let the goddess of wisdom scour you with her ever so kind rhetoric comments about the sun and it's aphelion circumferences of diabolic dance machines in the heavens and in the realms of Hades. Dance dance dance.
so I started my book, yo
....and well...you see....
screenplays need to be in present tense...
like saying 'Bob writes his name and leaves the room.'
but books are usually past tense.
like 'Bob wrote his name and left the room.'
and this is a struggle...
because I actively had to catch the past tense shit while writing my scripts
and go back and edit and edit and edit...just for that one issue....
so .....
here's the deal...
the book will need to be in present tense....
cause I don't want to get into a bad habit of writing past tense shit...
and anyway...we should all live in the present.
So that doubles up on the good feng-shui for our spirits...
so yeah.
Also, another problem....
I'm only about 3 pages in and need to rearrange things.... cause I forgot
there are other things that need to happen first... like, A LOT of things.... O_O
oy vey!
for scripts I use beat cards to outline shit before I write...
I never have for my books, at least not more than a few pieces of small ass note paper.
and now I'm like having to rearrange my brain conductors to fire off differently
and back into book format.
Well, at least I'm glad to be hanging out with my characters.
Too bad someone is going to die.
.....
and the battery in the laptop...is being a bitch.
I don't trust it....so after every paragraph I save the file...
paranoia at it's best.
In other worlds...
I'm choosing some big ass alchemic alterations for my psyche.
And this means some awesome shit is on the way.
and...whoa...hold the phone!
One of the competitions I entered are supposed to announce the quarter-finalists today.
Eeeek!
Did you know Athena was born from Jupiter's forehead after he ate her mother.
Just a random bit of mythology I read yesterday...
What might have really happened was Jupiter (the planet) covered over a star or moon (hence ate it)
and a comet or other star moved out from behind Jupiter at the top (hence forehead/birth)
Maybe he thought her up in his imagination? Created her with quantum gravity anomalies of frequency protons? Science, yo.
just sayin' - maybe I'll ask them about it.
Athena is the Goddess of wisdom, crafts, and war.
I'm still not sure why she's hanging around. She doesn't look like the pictures on google, btw.
She as a golden crown (helmet?) with wings on it. And seems a bit ruthless in a way....
I'm not sure about her just yet. She's been sending me owls though.
whatever... I'm sure I'll find out eventually.
I think on a whim stuff is fun.
Looks like a trip to the beach is on the horizon
just because I want to go.
and a trip to best buy is inevitable.
coffee... .... must leave you now....
I'll probably be back...
cookout later today
work orders tomorrow
need to watch a movie so I can send it back to netflix
write book....and not stay up late.
probably other things that aren't coming to me right now....
ta ta, heroes of chalk dust and mathmatics, let the goddess of wisdom scour you with her ever so kind rhetoric comments about the sun and it's aphelion circumferences of diabolic dance machines in the heavens and in the realms of Hades. Dance dance dance.
Saturday, July 14, 2018
Say YES to everything.
More of this.
More of all of this.
All of this.
I want more.
______________________
the depth.
the fear
the part where you feel your getting your life wrung to death by Thanos.
and your suffocating
and you can't breathe
and the world is cast in the blackness of the dark
....
and the sun rises
and it heals... too slowly
the vibrations linger on and on and on
will it ever end
then it is all forgotten...
all but the fear
but it wasn't even fear...
it was everything...
fear, love, boundless joy, safety, terror
oh, the ALL of it at once.
pouring out pouring out pouring out
how can you live in the midst of twilight...
how can you live being pulled apart by the light and dark
by the sun and moon
the ocean and land
the darkness wrings tighter and the sun glows softly....
this battle...
will it ever end...
this battle.
this barzakh between worlds....
can you even stand at the threshold forever...
till you're torn apart
ripped into two...
fucking tear me open....
tear me open
MORE OF THIS
MORE OF ALL OF THIS
I WANT MORE!
_____________________________________________
perhaps the universe has forgotten who it had forged...
or does it remember....?
Could you forget your child...
_____________________________________________
shit is about to get real.... again
something big is coming
something BIG is coming....
are you ready?
for the wave...for the wave....
it's coming... and it's going to be huge.
I'm so freaking excited....cause I feel it...and when you feel it....
you know what it means....even if you can't understand it...
Yes... come.
Lately.... work orders.
I'm not sure what else I do.
Still in between scripts....
Book? ....ummmm yeah...
I'm thinking of starting on it tonight... for real this time!
Like really real. ... moreso than watching a movie.
Seriously...
Do you know how .... ........ um..... de-structive it is to stand
in the midst of the light and dark? It's beyond being focused...or distracted...
It's a motionlessness.
A sitting still.... where you can't move... at least not efficiantly.
and any step...usually means 3 steps back...
it's....just....not....ready....
my subconscious knows this even if my conscious wants to do the things...
and still tries to do the things...
....
so...that's where I'm at...
but I have a surfboard ready.... cause it's coming...
the wave, the wave!!
Get ready!! It will be amazing.
then the book will start...and the script at the same time, cause the
universe likes to fuck with me.
and money! and weird cool shit!
and trips! and new teachers and guides!
(cause right now I'm learning shit from my very good friend... which is awesome because the last 3 days have been way way way productive in a certain area of learning to 'allow' since I am allowed.... and learning to be a safe place... cause they are a safe place, yo. Learning from the best. I love him.)
anyway...my last guide sent me through a door and took off....and I'm like wondering what to do...and Athena showed up--> who is currently being not as simple to understand...and my very good friend)
yeah so rambling on there.... not much else...that I can think of...
kinda tired...
gonna go!
will entertain your fancy shmancy anecdotes of uber privileged dragon riders of earth sometimes in the morrow when the sun and moon dance upon the glass of the island notions and the fireflies twirl admidst the evening glades of jungle ecstacy.
More of all of this.
All of this.
I want more.
______________________
the depth.
the fear
the part where you feel your getting your life wrung to death by Thanos.
and your suffocating
and you can't breathe
and the world is cast in the blackness of the dark
....
and the sun rises
and it heals... too slowly
the vibrations linger on and on and on
will it ever end
then it is all forgotten...
all but the fear
but it wasn't even fear...
it was everything...
fear, love, boundless joy, safety, terror
oh, the ALL of it at once.
pouring out pouring out pouring out
how can you live in the midst of twilight...
how can you live being pulled apart by the light and dark
by the sun and moon
the ocean and land
the darkness wrings tighter and the sun glows softly....
this battle...
will it ever end...
this battle.
this barzakh between worlds....
can you even stand at the threshold forever...
till you're torn apart
ripped into two...
fucking tear me open....
tear me open
MORE OF THIS
MORE OF ALL OF THIS
I WANT MORE!
_____________________________________________
perhaps the universe has forgotten who it had forged...
or does it remember....?
Could you forget your child...
_____________________________________________
shit is about to get real.... again
something big is coming
something BIG is coming....
are you ready?
for the wave...for the wave....
it's coming... and it's going to be huge.
I'm so freaking excited....cause I feel it...and when you feel it....
you know what it means....even if you can't understand it...
Yes... come.
Lately.... work orders.
I'm not sure what else I do.
Still in between scripts....
Book? ....ummmm yeah...
I'm thinking of starting on it tonight... for real this time!
Like really real. ... moreso than watching a movie.
Seriously...
Do you know how .... ........ um..... de-structive it is to stand
in the midst of the light and dark? It's beyond being focused...or distracted...
It's a motionlessness.
A sitting still.... where you can't move... at least not efficiantly.
and any step...usually means 3 steps back...
it's....just....not....ready....
my subconscious knows this even if my conscious wants to do the things...
and still tries to do the things...
....
so...that's where I'm at...
but I have a surfboard ready.... cause it's coming...
the wave, the wave!!
Get ready!! It will be amazing.
then the book will start...and the script at the same time, cause the
universe likes to fuck with me.
and money! and weird cool shit!
and trips! and new teachers and guides!
(cause right now I'm learning shit from my very good friend... which is awesome because the last 3 days have been way way way productive in a certain area of learning to 'allow' since I am allowed.... and learning to be a safe place... cause they are a safe place, yo. Learning from the best. I love him.)
anyway...my last guide sent me through a door and took off....and I'm like wondering what to do...and Athena showed up--> who is currently being not as simple to understand...and my very good friend)
yeah so rambling on there.... not much else...that I can think of...
kinda tired...
gonna go!
will entertain your fancy shmancy anecdotes of uber privileged dragon riders of earth sometimes in the morrow when the sun and moon dance upon the glass of the island notions and the fireflies twirl admidst the evening glades of jungle ecstacy.
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