Kingdoms of the Past

Day 88
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There's a throne room.
It contains all the heavens.
There is so much space, so vast and wide.
There are no walls.
Rays of light cast themselves out upon the distance.
The gods stand and gather 'round as angels land upon the sea.
The sea of nothingness.
It reflects the light back upward, making the kingdom glow.
Everything that happens is known to all. Heard by all.
These beings. Pure and strong.
They must see us humans as crude. As lowly lifeforms.
One would think such things compared to their grandeur.
But it is not so.
They see us as vessels. Ones that carry the spirit.
No matter how our flesh appears.
They know what is inside of us.
They bow to it.
Why? Why?
They regard us so pure, so strong.
Yet we deny ourselves this thought time after time.
Why is it that we carry the shadows on the outside?
Why do we trap up the spirit? Trap up the light?
Who taught us to be so afraid?

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Past hacking....
Programs are running smoothly.
Upgrades are taking effect, although some will require the reboot.
All conscious ones that I'm aware of, have been mended.
Still searching for the original download of a few key traits.
Traits that I'd like to upgrade.
Not necessarily make better... but balance out.
Like being too critical.
(I only say this because someone in a lucid dream told me I was too critical)
I guess I am sometimes, ha!
Like being too passive.
I don't really care sometimes, so whatever.
Like procrastinating.... is this even real? We'll figure it out later.
Like indecision. Hmmm.....let me think about that.

These things are hard to find the origin of.
Which memory did they install at? When? What occured?
Was it a conglomerate of events? Just one?
I'm beginning to think they actually never downloaded.
Like I didn't receive the programming to attain them...
Like decisiveness. Did no one teach me this?
Like acceptance. I know the answer to this one.
Like focus and commitment to something.
Yeah, those were missing for awhile....I do better at them now.
I see.
I'll have to upload the software I never had.
okay then....
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Finished editing...now to do another read through.
Then send it to my proofreader again.
Dug out garden. Have 2 boxes left.
Still need to write rec letter.
nothing much else. . .

2 more days till I reach my 90 days
and it's my birthday.
I bought myself a capo.
and some comfy clothing.
and stacking cups for Butter.
spent a whopping $35
on a roll here.
I need a beach vacation.
a quite one. on the beach. with a pool.
and the sun. the warm warm sun.

*yawn....
I'm gonna go take a shower.
Then meditate.
Then bed.
Thrift store tomorrow!! I love thrift stores!
especially now that I'm planning to make dystopian stuff.
and weird dolls, and whatever I want.

YES, TO MORE OF THIS!
YES TO ALL OF  IT!
I WANT MORE!!!!! 
MORE!!!!