Let me tell you how awesome roller derby is...
(((( ------------------------------------------------THIS AWESOME!!!!-----------------------------------))))
I have missed skating, and even though it will be awhile before we are actually pummeling each other, it's okay :) I don;t like getting hurt that much, lol. We have a great team and one day we will be rocking it out on the skate floor to Darth Vadar's theme song! After all, we are the Dunlap Darksiders!!! Whoo!
So let me tell you about a rant I wanted to write about yesterday but didn't get a chance to.....It's about this rare thing called responsibility....
So you know about the 2 kittens we picked up from the park that someone had dumped there (because they lack responsibility, either for not spaying or for taking initiative to find them homes!) Well, we have just the one left to rehome.
So the neighbor's kid asks if she could have it....and me being responsible says no.... not that she would be the responsible party, but that every single pet they get is half starved!! Not to mention the kittens they bring to their house at least twice a year end up living under the house and turning feral. Every single one. So I say no, not only because of that main point that they can't and don;t take care of them, but in reality the kids are only there on the weekends anyway. So I say no....I'm not going to rescue a kitten and then see him neglected and dumped off somewhere else.
A little while later...guess what....the neighbors kid asks to borrow some cat food for her kitten they have over at their house...I'm like WTF!? No I didn't say that, but I was like what!? See what I mean, they go get something they only tend to the first day and bring it home with no food.....WTF!!! Me, being understandably frustrated and angry says no. For one reason is even though I would love to help the actual kitten, it is not my responsibility to give away food to someone else who refuses to take that responsibility....omg...
Then I had this realization....... say for instance the world economy goes to shit... food is restricted... things are really tough and hard.... and us, here at home with my small yet dependable stockpile of food and bottled water, and bullets, and firewood... all the irresponsible people will come out... they will ask for favors...they will plea for help...and here I will be saying no...
This troubles me, because I would like to help, but I can't risk my family's sake for any of theirs...
it's like the ants and the grasshoppers.... and it sucks, but we can't take responsibility for those who refuse to take responsibility for themselves....
I seriously can't wait to get off this craphole of hell. To be reaped and separated form the dumbass weeds. I don;t care if you think I am being cynical or rude, or mean, or hateful, I don;t give a shit what you think.....the point is that there are people everywhere that are so blinded and deaf and dumb, that they can't do things for themselves.... I would argue that it would be our (the awakened) responsibility to teach them, but being so few.... it cannot be done alone.... and I feel alone. No one speaks up, no one calls out, no one reveals themselves....and it makes me sick to think that ones who are of God hide Him from the world...because of their fear, either fear of strangers, or fear of their brethren.
We'll leave it at that before I go too deep and drown you and your weak souls in the depths of reality.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
In a pickle? Make a sandwich!
I'm having my coffee...yum
I've completed 6 things off my to do list today...hooray
We got a sweet check in the mail yesterday which in turn will help pay off some things we've been holding out on...awesome
I also got a pair of new jeans in the mail too, which I love...sweet
I had to rewrite my to-do list since I had scribbled out those 6 items and it looked sloppy, but I now have 2 others already marked out...oh yeah
I'm going to work on my book tonight too...love
Tomorrow I get to go to roller derby...cool
and meet up with another lady who may be able to do the applique work I need...booyah
However...I am stuck in the indecision of whether or not I want to continue my sewing biz, I will not be doing customs...hell or high water, I will burn in fire or drown, but I will not do a custom set. I want my other life back....oh wait, what I mean, is I want the other part of my life to not be starved because sewing shit suffocates it's life out. But on the other hand, if I get my sewing people to make the customs, it won't really be my problem...sigh. Such issues that really are not issues, they only exist because I am afraid of being broke.
And...the cost that goes along with having other people make it...which is bad, because I'm poor, because I would need to buy all the fabric up front and pay my sewers up front, and then afterwards list and hope I sell out... ugh...decisions decisions...where oh where do I find someone to help me make my decision??? I need input...
Though, I still want to sew only what I want to sew, kwim? lol...I know I make no sense.
Sooooooo......have you ever had the feeling that the world is lingering on the edge of downfall? I do. Kinda like the smooth waters just before you go off the waterfall....or the quiet stillness just before a superstorm hits. Or the odd silence just before an eartquake. You've got to know what I'm talking about, I can't be the only person who sees the unseen...but that's what I've been feeling lately....but I find it rather beautiful....
I find it beautiful that people are protesting (the good way) in random cities. I find it beautiful that some people are taking notice in their health and in the foods they eat. I find it beautiful someone out there in the world has woken up from their slumber...and taken a step forward in presence and actually doing something beside being led around by whomever had control over them.....even if it was their idea of God.....
Ideas are bad when they too control you, bad when you find it hard to even follow your own made up guidelines to stay in cahoots with the big man upstairs...with whom you also have made up ideals about because someone told you that's how it was, or is supposed to be.
I'm sure they also told you that you have all this stuff to do to please Him too...but really....all He wants is your love, and you to talk with Him...and to just take notice that who He is and what He is...is the same as what you are underneath all those ideas and thoughts, and hindrances you have placed upon yourself.
To get to Him, you need to get to strip away that which is not really you...
Death is the stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" -- and find out, there is no death. ~ Eckhart Tolle
Anyway, enough ramblings, no one wants to hear about God nowadays...and those who do don;t like to share their ideas, or worse, they don;t like to hear the ideals of others....they don;t want to be persecuted...and they don;t want to know who you are, they don;t care who you are....because if they found out they wouldn't like you because you weren't like them....but we all know that every wave in the sea is totally different than every other...
Blindness keeps them from realizing we are all waves...
Oh, but better, something I saw in a Mutts comic strip... The cat was looking at the snowflakes falling and said something about them all being different, each one unique and pure, and lovely in it's own right,...and they were falling, blowing in the wind, some speedily, some slowly, some large, some small....and the cat said "like each one of us." All separate, but a part of the whole, which is the snowfall itself as a whole event...
Now of course we should know that snow actually forms around a speck of dust too, lol...but if you want to relate that to our inborn sin...go ahead...I prefer to fall to the ground with the rest of the snow and become part of the one and melt away...the dust stays there on the ground...because we get changed...yeah, that's how it goes my friends.
Soooooo....want to hear a story? I bet you do!
Once upon a time, in a dream of change...
I stood there upon a clifflike pillar. The sky was burnt orange and red and gray and went on forever... Hordes of people were down below the cliff filling up every space of the ground, continuous....they were all yelling and appeared angry. In the distance was another pillar where I saw someone else standing, though they were too far away to see who is was.
Then just before me the Lord appeared. He said "Look down, what do you see?". I looked at my feet, and at the dusty ground and rocks. I said "Nothing. Dirt, rocks?"
What is below you, keep it below you. And what's above, will always be there above you. And there beside you? It is there for you and with you."
Your hands." He said. I lifted them up, he took hold of them. "Your hands...let them be my hands. And your eyes, let them be my eyes. Your lips, let them be my lips. And your heart, let it also be mine." He said.
"See what I see, speak what I speak, do what I do, and above all, love what I love."
The violence below me...they must stay below me...God stays above....and the few others beside me, no matter how far, are for me and with me...the Lord was there with me too...He wasn't above or below. but before me...
Yeah, so my stories suck, so bite me.
Gotta get off the mushy stuff, let's talk about how awesome it would be to meet people you thought never existed in the real world. Yes, awesomeness....but I'm a spaz and would be all shy and shit, because I am shy actually.... I blame public school and the lack of a good role model.
Speaking of role model.....if you make someone up in your own mind as a role model, are you really your own role model? Yes, I am seriously messed up, lol. And yes, I do have stupid random thoughts flowing through my head on occasion (which means more than half the time) so you all get to see why I'm such a spaz, lol.
Then again, doesn't everyone think weird things? Kinda like after watching that awful cool horrible awesome movie called 'The Fourth Kind'.....and you just can't sleep well because you keep waking up and looking out the window to see if there's a little alien (or owl) looking in, like it just knew you watched an alien movie, lol. I hate (love) that movie....and will never watch it again. I do believe in aliens...because I've seen crap (even though I think it's all government secret stuff too.) So not cool, but yet awesome at the same time....see the problem I have with decisions? can you tell? lol
I'm going to take some pictures tomorrow too....yay!
But I have to go, because I've got a book to write! See you sweet cucumber radishes later. Be sure to dive in the vinegar juices and dill weed and be sure to say hello to the pumpernickel bread for me.
Jesus loves you, this I know...and we don;t need a book to tell us so.
Peace out, little pickles.
I've completed 6 things off my to do list today...hooray
We got a sweet check in the mail yesterday which in turn will help pay off some things we've been holding out on...awesome
I also got a pair of new jeans in the mail too, which I love...sweet
I had to rewrite my to-do list since I had scribbled out those 6 items and it looked sloppy, but I now have 2 others already marked out...oh yeah
I'm going to work on my book tonight too...love
Tomorrow I get to go to roller derby...cool
and meet up with another lady who may be able to do the applique work I need...booyah
However...I am stuck in the indecision of whether or not I want to continue my sewing biz, I will not be doing customs...hell or high water, I will burn in fire or drown, but I will not do a custom set. I want my other life back....oh wait, what I mean, is I want the other part of my life to not be starved because sewing shit suffocates it's life out. But on the other hand, if I get my sewing people to make the customs, it won't really be my problem...sigh. Such issues that really are not issues, they only exist because I am afraid of being broke.
And...the cost that goes along with having other people make it...which is bad, because I'm poor, because I would need to buy all the fabric up front and pay my sewers up front, and then afterwards list and hope I sell out... ugh...decisions decisions...where oh where do I find someone to help me make my decision??? I need input...
Though, I still want to sew only what I want to sew, kwim? lol...I know I make no sense.
Sooooooo......have you ever had the feeling that the world is lingering on the edge of downfall? I do. Kinda like the smooth waters just before you go off the waterfall....or the quiet stillness just before a superstorm hits. Or the odd silence just before an eartquake. You've got to know what I'm talking about, I can't be the only person who sees the unseen...but that's what I've been feeling lately....but I find it rather beautiful....
I find it beautiful that people are protesting (the good way) in random cities. I find it beautiful that some people are taking notice in their health and in the foods they eat. I find it beautiful someone out there in the world has woken up from their slumber...and taken a step forward in presence and actually doing something beside being led around by whomever had control over them.....even if it was their idea of God.....
Ideas are bad when they too control you, bad when you find it hard to even follow your own made up guidelines to stay in cahoots with the big man upstairs...with whom you also have made up ideals about because someone told you that's how it was, or is supposed to be.
I'm sure they also told you that you have all this stuff to do to please Him too...but really....all He wants is your love, and you to talk with Him...and to just take notice that who He is and what He is...is the same as what you are underneath all those ideas and thoughts, and hindrances you have placed upon yourself.
To get to Him, you need to get to strip away that which is not really you...
Death is the stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" -- and find out, there is no death. ~ Eckhart Tolle
Anyway, enough ramblings, no one wants to hear about God nowadays...and those who do don;t like to share their ideas, or worse, they don;t like to hear the ideals of others....they don;t want to be persecuted...and they don;t want to know who you are, they don;t care who you are....because if they found out they wouldn't like you because you weren't like them....but we all know that every wave in the sea is totally different than every other...
Blindness keeps them from realizing we are all waves...
Oh, but better, something I saw in a Mutts comic strip... The cat was looking at the snowflakes falling and said something about them all being different, each one unique and pure, and lovely in it's own right,...and they were falling, blowing in the wind, some speedily, some slowly, some large, some small....and the cat said "like each one of us." All separate, but a part of the whole, which is the snowfall itself as a whole event...
Now of course we should know that snow actually forms around a speck of dust too, lol...but if you want to relate that to our inborn sin...go ahead...I prefer to fall to the ground with the rest of the snow and become part of the one and melt away...the dust stays there on the ground...because we get changed...yeah, that's how it goes my friends.
Soooooo....want to hear a story? I bet you do!
Once upon a time, in a dream of change...
I stood there upon a clifflike pillar. The sky was burnt orange and red and gray and went on forever... Hordes of people were down below the cliff filling up every space of the ground, continuous....they were all yelling and appeared angry. In the distance was another pillar where I saw someone else standing, though they were too far away to see who is was.
Then just before me the Lord appeared. He said "Look down, what do you see?". I looked at my feet, and at the dusty ground and rocks. I said "Nothing. Dirt, rocks?"
What is below you, keep it below you. And what's above, will always be there above you. And there beside you? It is there for you and with you."
Your hands." He said. I lifted them up, he took hold of them. "Your hands...let them be my hands. And your eyes, let them be my eyes. Your lips, let them be my lips. And your heart, let it also be mine." He said.
"See what I see, speak what I speak, do what I do, and above all, love what I love."
The violence below me...they must stay below me...God stays above....and the few others beside me, no matter how far, are for me and with me...the Lord was there with me too...He wasn't above or below. but before me...
Yeah, so my stories suck, so bite me.
Gotta get off the mushy stuff, let's talk about how awesome it would be to meet people you thought never existed in the real world. Yes, awesomeness....but I'm a spaz and would be all shy and shit, because I am shy actually.... I blame public school and the lack of a good role model.
Speaking of role model.....if you make someone up in your own mind as a role model, are you really your own role model? Yes, I am seriously messed up, lol. And yes, I do have stupid random thoughts flowing through my head on occasion (which means more than half the time) so you all get to see why I'm such a spaz, lol.
Then again, doesn't everyone think weird things? Kinda like after watching that awful cool horrible awesome movie called 'The Fourth Kind'.....and you just can't sleep well because you keep waking up and looking out the window to see if there's a little alien (or owl) looking in, like it just knew you watched an alien movie, lol. I hate (love) that movie....and will never watch it again. I do believe in aliens...because I've seen crap (even though I think it's all government secret stuff too.) So not cool, but yet awesome at the same time....see the problem I have with decisions? can you tell? lol
I'm going to take some pictures tomorrow too....yay!
But I have to go, because I've got a book to write! See you sweet cucumber radishes later. Be sure to dive in the vinegar juices and dill weed and be sure to say hello to the pumpernickel bread for me.
Jesus loves you, this I know...and we don;t need a book to tell us so.
Peace out, little pickles.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Boo Hiss and hellfire!
Today is not a day to keep..heck not even one to continue either, but whether it's the full moon or someone has put rocks in everyone's shoes....I can't wait to go to bed and wake up tomorrow instead.
I did however win tickets to some Holiday music thingy...but I don;t want to go anyway, so maybe I can find someone who does want to go. Now if it was the Transiberian Orchestra, I'd be all over it, but this is some musicians playing Christmas music....not even any dancing or pretty lights, so I will pass.
Today, thanks to hubby's bad mood....now I feel like nothing I do, or want to do, or things I have, or things I want to have....have any meaning whatsoever. Yeah, I suck so much I now hate myself. thanks. I hate what I do, I hate what I have, I hate things I one day would have liked to do, I hate things I would one day like to have. thanks. I'm gonna go crawl in my hole and cry myself to death so I can escape this awful existence...because I am worthless. thanks very much.
I did however win tickets to some Holiday music thingy...but I don;t want to go anyway, so maybe I can find someone who does want to go. Now if it was the Transiberian Orchestra, I'd be all over it, but this is some musicians playing Christmas music....not even any dancing or pretty lights, so I will pass.
Today, thanks to hubby's bad mood....now I feel like nothing I do, or want to do, or things I have, or things I want to have....have any meaning whatsoever. Yeah, I suck so much I now hate myself. thanks. I hate what I do, I hate what I have, I hate things I one day would have liked to do, I hate things I would one day like to have. thanks. I'm gonna go crawl in my hole and cry myself to death so I can escape this awful existence...because I am worthless. thanks very much.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I like to dance in the darkkkk because it's embarassing to let people see me do it, lol!
Baby likes to dance in the dark, cause when he's looking she falls apart...
hahahaha.... I feel like laughing and crying...someone save me...
Well....I'm glad because we have a roller derby team here in Dunlap!! Sweet! Can't wait to get to skate and meet all our new players!
I'm glad because I am getting the kids to do their own schoolwork today and they are almost done without complaint or blood, awesomeness.
I am glad because yesterday I got the most coolest boots and sweater in the mail from buckle.com...omg, I hope it gets cold (yeah, I hate cold, but I want to wear my goodies!)
I'm glad because I will not be buying any more fabric unless someone orders a custom...I am done fabric shopping for others.
I am glad that whatever money is actually in my paypal account (not much mind you) is just the beginning to my saving challenge to buy my fancy ass dslr camera kit...hell yes!
I am glad because after December 15th ..... I can choose never to sew another set in my life.
I am glad because I just am.
Now, I am not glad about the fact that Hancock's and Joann's have the worst selection of fabrics I have ever seen in my life. I am disappointed that they have so much of absolutely nothing. and the way they organize fabric cutting at Joann's it just rude and stupid. I will never set foot in that store again. I am sad that the top fabric designers are left out of the public's eye and are hidden because the fabric stores would rather sell crap fabric that doesn't match for $10 a yard, than offer amazing prints that match and are happy for $8 a yard...assholes.
If I had the money I would buy a fabric store and would put your sorry asses out of business. I promise you that....luckily for you I am not rich. Just wait.
I am not glad that I have completely failed at getting anything done today except breakfast, lunch, and a leftover sale posted to facebook. I suck.
I am not glad that I think it's important to actually accomplish something....really need to wipe that thought from my head...I know it's okay to just not do things sometimes.
I am not glad I still have much work to do....that doesn't include sewing orders...but footwork and emails and co-ordinance, and house work, and just stuff in general.
I am not glad that I don;t have any good 'angle' pics for camera club tonight....sigh...oh well...
I think there's a good lesson in the practice of killing your own thoughts. thoughts that say things like 'you're doing it wrong' or that's not the right way' or 'He can't hear you when you talk like that' or 'since you don;t feel heard, means you have to call His name twice'....bullshit stuff. I know you have no idea what I am saying, you can always ask. But the lesson is not listening to yourself because you know nothing at all, and all the thoughts that are like that are not you at all...and they certainly are not Him.
I am sad because at some places in your life, there is a wavelength between you and Him and it is ever burning in it's electricity and consuming closeness.....and sometimes it's on the other wavelength, like that tide going out...and you feel disconnected...and your quite, and He's quiet...and you feel forgotten or set aside for later...
I love Him. And love is not enough....when you see His face...and you are lifted and carried in His arms....and you hear His voice...love will never be enough ever again. Be thankful for what He has given you...because it only hurts when He gives you so much more that the love alone can never be enough again. Be thankful He spared you from His glory.
Okay, too deep, I'm sorry.
So...what else do you want to hear about....a rant...did that, a lesson, did that...hmmm. Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE....I think he's on vacation, I can't seem to find him. bummer. No incredible stories today...boo.
How about the apocalypse....now that's interesting, but I'm sad to think it will never happen. bummer. But my thoughts are that Elenin was a messenger to wake people up...and YU55...not sure, but if it's blue...hmmmm... November 9th (ELEven NINe) will only tell. which also happens to be 40 days after the sign in Virgo....alrighty then. Something is weird, but no bad dreams lately so we are cool.
We may go see Frankenstein at the kids theater this Friday and the zoo on Saturday since it's free. That'd be nice, and if it's not super cold or raining, go hiking (photoshoot!) on Sunday.
Anything but stay home and sew even though I should....lol.
I;d best get going to try and think about getting up off the computer and get something kinda sorta closer to being done so I don;t feel like a complete loser....
"Whosoever would lose their life for My sake, shall find it."
hahahaha.... I feel like laughing and crying...someone save me...
Well....I'm glad because we have a roller derby team here in Dunlap!! Sweet! Can't wait to get to skate and meet all our new players!
I'm glad because I am getting the kids to do their own schoolwork today and they are almost done without complaint or blood, awesomeness.
I am glad because yesterday I got the most coolest boots and sweater in the mail from buckle.com...omg, I hope it gets cold (yeah, I hate cold, but I want to wear my goodies!)
I'm glad because I will not be buying any more fabric unless someone orders a custom...I am done fabric shopping for others.
I am glad that whatever money is actually in my paypal account (not much mind you) is just the beginning to my saving challenge to buy my fancy ass dslr camera kit...hell yes!
I am glad because after December 15th ..... I can choose never to sew another set in my life.
I am glad because I just am.
Now, I am not glad about the fact that Hancock's and Joann's have the worst selection of fabrics I have ever seen in my life. I am disappointed that they have so much of absolutely nothing. and the way they organize fabric cutting at Joann's it just rude and stupid. I will never set foot in that store again. I am sad that the top fabric designers are left out of the public's eye and are hidden because the fabric stores would rather sell crap fabric that doesn't match for $10 a yard, than offer amazing prints that match and are happy for $8 a yard...assholes.
If I had the money I would buy a fabric store and would put your sorry asses out of business. I promise you that....luckily for you I am not rich. Just wait.
I am not glad that I have completely failed at getting anything done today except breakfast, lunch, and a leftover sale posted to facebook. I suck.
I am not glad that I think it's important to actually accomplish something....really need to wipe that thought from my head...I know it's okay to just not do things sometimes.
I am not glad I still have much work to do....that doesn't include sewing orders...but footwork and emails and co-ordinance, and house work, and just stuff in general.
I am not glad that I don;t have any good 'angle' pics for camera club tonight....sigh...oh well...
I think there's a good lesson in the practice of killing your own thoughts. thoughts that say things like 'you're doing it wrong' or that's not the right way' or 'He can't hear you when you talk like that' or 'since you don;t feel heard, means you have to call His name twice'....bullshit stuff. I know you have no idea what I am saying, you can always ask. But the lesson is not listening to yourself because you know nothing at all, and all the thoughts that are like that are not you at all...and they certainly are not Him.
I am sad because at some places in your life, there is a wavelength between you and Him and it is ever burning in it's electricity and consuming closeness.....and sometimes it's on the other wavelength, like that tide going out...and you feel disconnected...and your quite, and He's quiet...and you feel forgotten or set aside for later...
I love Him. And love is not enough....when you see His face...and you are lifted and carried in His arms....and you hear His voice...love will never be enough ever again. Be thankful for what He has given you...because it only hurts when He gives you so much more that the love alone can never be enough again. Be thankful He spared you from His glory.
Okay, too deep, I'm sorry.
So...what else do you want to hear about....a rant...did that, a lesson, did that...hmmm. Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE....I think he's on vacation, I can't seem to find him. bummer. No incredible stories today...boo.
How about the apocalypse....now that's interesting, but I'm sad to think it will never happen. bummer. But my thoughts are that Elenin was a messenger to wake people up...and YU55...not sure, but if it's blue...hmmmm... November 9th (ELEven NINe) will only tell. which also happens to be 40 days after the sign in Virgo....alrighty then. Something is weird, but no bad dreams lately so we are cool.
We may go see Frankenstein at the kids theater this Friday and the zoo on Saturday since it's free. That'd be nice, and if it's not super cold or raining, go hiking (photoshoot!) on Sunday.
Anything but stay home and sew even though I should....lol.
I;d best get going to try and think about getting up off the computer and get something kinda sorta closer to being done so I don;t feel like a complete loser....
"Whosoever would lose their life for My sake, shall find it."
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
...it isn't over.....
....hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it....
Bad. Love is not enough...and this pisses me off. You know when you read all those happy little slogans and verses that tell you how wonderful the world is and how squishy good things are...or could be..... Love is NOT enough...and NEVER will be. NEVER NEVER NEVER!
People need to wake up....but no matter how hard you shake them or trample on their head or blare loud music...they are lost into that dream state of unawareness.... they are lost and none can awaken them...except sometimes an awful experience...which is sad that it takes such vile means to get people to see anything.
Love is not enough.
What is?
Action perhaps? God didn't just love you and all of a sudden and turn everything okay...wouldn't that have been nice....even His love alone wasn't enough, so ours never could be. He had to take action....and so do we...but not without love too.
So helpless...hopeless...lost...when will we ever be released from this burden....
Frustrating day...but I do believe this is a day of action.
Today I quit my roller derby team :( sad I know, but it had to happen. Anyway, there may another one that I might be able to join, which would be cool too
Today....I am going to burn something down. My business....I am so sick of dealing with it....not that its hard or anything...sometimes stressful, but seriously I find it boring as hell...heck I don't think hell is even that boring, lol. So by taking action...I will either turn it upside down and shake it around until it looks cool....or I will discover that it is no longer cool at all and throw it away. I do not freaking care....and the fact some people think it is awesome and cool and even remotely important to me are wrong.... I use it for income...even though I feel that I spend $10 to make $12 or on real terms, I spend $550 to make $650.... really, I don't think it is worth all the frustration and planning and time and attention and difficulties and pain that it is worth.... if I raise my prices I don't sell....if I spend money and premake stuff I still end up with leftovers I can't get rid of...but who am I kidding...it is boring!! I think out of my entire 6 or so years (gee, how long has it been?..hmmm) I have maybe 10 sets that I love because I gave my time and attention and love into those sets....and I didn't care if they ever sold...I was happy making them. Now I can't do any of that, because I don't care and when I do 'want' to make something cool...I have all the 'have' to make stuff to get done first...and by the time those are finished, I have more, and by that time I had forgotten all about my great idea and all I remember is how great that set would've been had I had the time.
I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it's free....I want you love...caught in a bad romance....
I feel that way between me and my business, haha....but it's not free and in fact it's getting more expensive...because ugly fabrics are expensive and the good ones are outrageous!!!...and I don't buy ugly, I'm sorry...I was not bought nice shit when I was a kid except for my first Nintendo game system and my guitar...thank you mommy :) ...so anyway...nowadays I buy exactly what I want or nothing at all...unless I can 'fix' it, lol.
I hope you don't mind me writing song lyrics while writing, lol....yes, I have my itunes playing...I can't help myself...
hmmm...so... my advice guy said I can buy all the fabric I want for holiday sets now and make money back later, instead of saving what I have now...though I;d rather start saving for my camera I will be buying. I hate sewing.
Except of course for that Mojo Jojo power puff girl set I 'want' to make, lol. Too bad I am not gonna get to do it just yet...grrr....
So let me tell you about OMG, INCREDIBLE....he mentioned something about 'you're going to have to jump if you want to live...'cause there's nothing better than the fall, and nothing greater than living.'
Which goes back to that letting go thing....you would think risking losing a little bit of income wouldn't be so traumatic...and it wouldn't be if we weren't broke as shit right now, lol.
Okay, really let's learn something...how about how instead of absorbing the problems of the world, the people repel them, so everyone can see them. If they were absorbed and taken care of by everyone, there wouldn't be problems, and when they did come up, they would quickly be dissolved....but nope, people repel them and they sit there and bounce around society like ugly viral diseases with no cure....
the cure is in ourselves....the cure is the light we can shine on them...and light dissolves darkness....
Little gods too blind to realize we are carrying all the light necessary to defeat that which is sin. Too blind to know the God in us can defeat the god of us.
oooohhh...deep ;) go think on it a bit.
The baffled king composed it Hallelujah. G'day my mighty oaks of wisdom and joy. Sway in the light and soak in the water of life.
Bad. Love is not enough...and this pisses me off. You know when you read all those happy little slogans and verses that tell you how wonderful the world is and how squishy good things are...or could be..... Love is NOT enough...and NEVER will be. NEVER NEVER NEVER!
People need to wake up....but no matter how hard you shake them or trample on their head or blare loud music...they are lost into that dream state of unawareness.... they are lost and none can awaken them...except sometimes an awful experience...which is sad that it takes such vile means to get people to see anything.
Love is not enough.
What is?
Action perhaps? God didn't just love you and all of a sudden and turn everything okay...wouldn't that have been nice....even His love alone wasn't enough, so ours never could be. He had to take action....and so do we...but not without love too.
So helpless...hopeless...lost...when will we ever be released from this burden....
Frustrating day...but I do believe this is a day of action.
Today I quit my roller derby team :( sad I know, but it had to happen. Anyway, there may another one that I might be able to join, which would be cool too
Today....I am going to burn something down. My business....I am so sick of dealing with it....not that its hard or anything...sometimes stressful, but seriously I find it boring as hell...heck I don't think hell is even that boring, lol. So by taking action...I will either turn it upside down and shake it around until it looks cool....or I will discover that it is no longer cool at all and throw it away. I do not freaking care....and the fact some people think it is awesome and cool and even remotely important to me are wrong.... I use it for income...even though I feel that I spend $10 to make $12 or on real terms, I spend $550 to make $650.... really, I don't think it is worth all the frustration and planning and time and attention and difficulties and pain that it is worth.... if I raise my prices I don't sell....if I spend money and premake stuff I still end up with leftovers I can't get rid of...but who am I kidding...it is boring!! I think out of my entire 6 or so years (gee, how long has it been?..hmmm) I have maybe 10 sets that I love because I gave my time and attention and love into those sets....and I didn't care if they ever sold...I was happy making them. Now I can't do any of that, because I don't care and when I do 'want' to make something cool...I have all the 'have' to make stuff to get done first...and by the time those are finished, I have more, and by that time I had forgotten all about my great idea and all I remember is how great that set would've been had I had the time.
I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it's free....I want you love...caught in a bad romance....
I feel that way between me and my business, haha....but it's not free and in fact it's getting more expensive...because ugly fabrics are expensive and the good ones are outrageous!!!...and I don't buy ugly, I'm sorry...I was not bought nice shit when I was a kid except for my first Nintendo game system and my guitar...thank you mommy :) ...so anyway...nowadays I buy exactly what I want or nothing at all...unless I can 'fix' it, lol.
I hope you don't mind me writing song lyrics while writing, lol....yes, I have my itunes playing...I can't help myself...
hmmm...so... my advice guy said I can buy all the fabric I want for holiday sets now and make money back later, instead of saving what I have now...though I;d rather start saving for my camera I will be buying. I hate sewing.
Except of course for that Mojo Jojo power puff girl set I 'want' to make, lol. Too bad I am not gonna get to do it just yet...grrr....
So let me tell you about OMG, INCREDIBLE....he mentioned something about 'you're going to have to jump if you want to live...'cause there's nothing better than the fall, and nothing greater than living.'
Which goes back to that letting go thing....you would think risking losing a little bit of income wouldn't be so traumatic...and it wouldn't be if we weren't broke as shit right now, lol.
Okay, really let's learn something...how about how instead of absorbing the problems of the world, the people repel them, so everyone can see them. If they were absorbed and taken care of by everyone, there wouldn't be problems, and when they did come up, they would quickly be dissolved....but nope, people repel them and they sit there and bounce around society like ugly viral diseases with no cure....
the cure is in ourselves....the cure is the light we can shine on them...and light dissolves darkness....
Little gods too blind to realize we are carrying all the light necessary to defeat that which is sin. Too blind to know the God in us can defeat the god of us.
oooohhh...deep ;) go think on it a bit.
The baffled king composed it Hallelujah. G'day my mighty oaks of wisdom and joy. Sway in the light and soak in the water of life.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Please brake for squirrels and curves while driving.
Well, let's start off with the adventures of the long weekend....
We went to Stone Door and Greeter Falls for a hiking/photoshoot. Went well. Was fun, but I recall how i hate climbing hills. Hubby lost his sunglasses somewhere in that crack at stone door...and I want to thank him for going to sit on the edge of one of the overhang rocks just so I could get a pic...thanks honey for risking life and limb.
We found another snake in the yard too....not a rattle snake this time, thankfully! But a rat snake, with whom we caught in a bucket and released a bit down the road...you were a good sport Mr. Snake.
Then after an uneventful trip out to Chatt. we saw a squirrel on the road who had just been hit by a car...and yes, we stopped to pick it up (yes, still alive!) brought home and let it chill out in my awesome critter cage I built a long time ago.....
Unfortunately Mr. Squirrel died later that evening...and so we brought it inside to show the kids...and the dog...and the cats...and the kitten.....It was much fun to watch hubby play with a stiff dead squirrel with each of the pets LOL!
Bubbles wanted to play, Toothless wanted to play, Isaac definitely wanted to play, though Prince Vaughn had issues and backed away, lol.
I have to say that squirrel tail is a favorite of both the cats and the dog. They each had their turns with the poor, stiff, and dead Mr. Squirrel...until hubby gave it a flying lesson out behind the house, which I really hope Isaac doesn't find it later and bring it home anytime ever.....
You may think its mean and cruel to 'play' with a dead squirrel....but at least we didn't dissect it! Or keep it's skull....so :P anyway we all got a great laugh out of it...though I'm sad he got hit by the car in the first place :( I tried to help him.
So in other news....I don;t like the cold weather. And I had another weirded out dream a few nights ago which woke me up and then I saw some picture somewhere (I can't find it!) that resembled what I saw in my dream!!! Ahhhh!! I hate this! But this time it wasn't ufos (whew!)....It started where we were next to the freeway watching my sister Judy do tricks on a dirt bike (yeah, idk!) anyway then the clouds started poofing in rings...(like a smoke signal or something?) and I kept pointing saying 'that means something, but I can't remember what it was' and we all watched them thinking it was cool.....then some red drops (maybe just red dots) formed in the sky where the clouds were forming and the red spots started growing and turning more orangish grey as they spread out (kinda like when you add food coloring to water?) then a huge storm started forming from the red/orange area...and I remember saying that it was 'time to leave NOW'... (reminds me of my last dream??!!, I even had the thought of my last dream in this dream when I said that!) So we all ran to get into the RV (my mom's) I had to run to my rental van (in my dream, I don;t have a van) to get my camera (lol! me and my camera!) I started to drive myself, but changed my mind at the last second and I decided instead of taking my vehicle, that it would be better to stay with the group of us together so they wouldn't be scared.....
So I got in the rv..and Don was driving...
Since we were on the freeway we had to go towards the storm to hit the exit to go the other way, but Don started going right instead of across the overpass and I remember my mom saying 'uuuuuhhh' like she was complaining that it was a dumb idea to take the long way back home (I thought that too), but he went right anyway and as he started going up a curve (fast, btw) too fast the rv couldn't make the curve and it started tipping over....which is exactly when I woke up!
Now I am seriously not going to ride with anyone other than myself! I was thinking that in my dream since I went back to get my camera, that I should've taken it as a sign to drive myself, lol. Weird....cause in my older dream, I was driving when we were leaving to get away from the crazies who went to hunt down the ufo. UGH! I hate dreams like this....anyway, the pic I saw just today or yesterday was of a large red blob of something in the clouds that had appeared in the last few days....ugh, I don;t remember where I saw it!
Okay, enough dream stuff....today I sewed stuff...and I am so over it....I want to paint..but noooooooo, I have to sew...phooey! I can't seem to break free!!!!! I keep getting myself stuck in the rut, even though I consciously make the decisions that out me there over and over again......and why you ask? because I get paid...ugh. I hate money...and the fact I want stuff...even though I know wanting is only want until you have it and you find something else you want....grrrr. Like boots, or a cool looking sweater from buckle.com that I can't rightfully afford....at least not without debating whether I should buy fabric or sweaters, lol.... and I haven't even started saving for my camera I WILL buy this Black Friday or somewhere by Christmas (yes, I use Christmas as an excuse to buy myself stuff I do not need, bite me) and the fact that it usually will be on super sale and I can't justify buying one unless its on sale :P
get that?? I know, I jumble words together alot when writing, lol....and I usually get misquoted or misunderstood too....but I am used to it. People like to have fun persecuting others, so I let them have at me...because I know where I'll be standing on Judgement Day....and it's not where you think.
gotta go....talk to you lovely little plushy starfish in the sea of dancing dreams and dying waves of pity...
We went to Stone Door and Greeter Falls for a hiking/photoshoot. Went well. Was fun, but I recall how i hate climbing hills. Hubby lost his sunglasses somewhere in that crack at stone door...and I want to thank him for going to sit on the edge of one of the overhang rocks just so I could get a pic...thanks honey for risking life and limb.
We found another snake in the yard too....not a rattle snake this time, thankfully! But a rat snake, with whom we caught in a bucket and released a bit down the road...you were a good sport Mr. Snake.
Then after an uneventful trip out to Chatt. we saw a squirrel on the road who had just been hit by a car...and yes, we stopped to pick it up (yes, still alive!) brought home and let it chill out in my awesome critter cage I built a long time ago.....
Unfortunately Mr. Squirrel died later that evening...and so we brought it inside to show the kids...and the dog...and the cats...and the kitten.....It was much fun to watch hubby play with a stiff dead squirrel with each of the pets LOL!
Bubbles wanted to play, Toothless wanted to play, Isaac definitely wanted to play, though Prince Vaughn had issues and backed away, lol.
I have to say that squirrel tail is a favorite of both the cats and the dog. They each had their turns with the poor, stiff, and dead Mr. Squirrel...until hubby gave it a flying lesson out behind the house, which I really hope Isaac doesn't find it later and bring it home anytime ever.....
You may think its mean and cruel to 'play' with a dead squirrel....but at least we didn't dissect it! Or keep it's skull....so :P anyway we all got a great laugh out of it...though I'm sad he got hit by the car in the first place :( I tried to help him.
So in other news....I don;t like the cold weather. And I had another weirded out dream a few nights ago which woke me up and then I saw some picture somewhere (I can't find it!) that resembled what I saw in my dream!!! Ahhhh!! I hate this! But this time it wasn't ufos (whew!)....It started where we were next to the freeway watching my sister Judy do tricks on a dirt bike (yeah, idk!) anyway then the clouds started poofing in rings...(like a smoke signal or something?) and I kept pointing saying 'that means something, but I can't remember what it was' and we all watched them thinking it was cool.....then some red drops (maybe just red dots) formed in the sky where the clouds were forming and the red spots started growing and turning more orangish grey as they spread out (kinda like when you add food coloring to water?) then a huge storm started forming from the red/orange area...and I remember saying that it was 'time to leave NOW'... (reminds me of my last dream??!!, I even had the thought of my last dream in this dream when I said that!) So we all ran to get into the RV (my mom's) I had to run to my rental van (in my dream, I don;t have a van) to get my camera (lol! me and my camera!) I started to drive myself, but changed my mind at the last second and I decided instead of taking my vehicle, that it would be better to stay with the group of us together so they wouldn't be scared.....
So I got in the rv..and Don was driving...
Since we were on the freeway we had to go towards the storm to hit the exit to go the other way, but Don started going right instead of across the overpass and I remember my mom saying 'uuuuuhhh' like she was complaining that it was a dumb idea to take the long way back home (I thought that too), but he went right anyway and as he started going up a curve (fast, btw) too fast the rv couldn't make the curve and it started tipping over....which is exactly when I woke up!
Now I am seriously not going to ride with anyone other than myself! I was thinking that in my dream since I went back to get my camera, that I should've taken it as a sign to drive myself, lol. Weird....cause in my older dream, I was driving when we were leaving to get away from the crazies who went to hunt down the ufo. UGH! I hate dreams like this....anyway, the pic I saw just today or yesterday was of a large red blob of something in the clouds that had appeared in the last few days....ugh, I don;t remember where I saw it!
Okay, enough dream stuff....today I sewed stuff...and I am so over it....I want to paint..but noooooooo, I have to sew...phooey! I can't seem to break free!!!!! I keep getting myself stuck in the rut, even though I consciously make the decisions that out me there over and over again......and why you ask? because I get paid...ugh. I hate money...and the fact I want stuff...even though I know wanting is only want until you have it and you find something else you want....grrrr. Like boots, or a cool looking sweater from buckle.com that I can't rightfully afford....at least not without debating whether I should buy fabric or sweaters, lol.... and I haven't even started saving for my camera I WILL buy this Black Friday or somewhere by Christmas (yes, I use Christmas as an excuse to buy myself stuff I do not need, bite me) and the fact that it usually will be on super sale and I can't justify buying one unless its on sale :P
get that?? I know, I jumble words together alot when writing, lol....and I usually get misquoted or misunderstood too....but I am used to it. People like to have fun persecuting others, so I let them have at me...because I know where I'll be standing on Judgement Day....and it's not where you think.
gotta go....talk to you lovely little plushy starfish in the sea of dancing dreams and dying waves of pity...
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Storybooks, are full of fairytales....
Why does it take all day to clean my sewing room?
It's better, but I still have a pile of Christmas fabric stacked in the middle of the floor.....and now I am thinking I don;t like hanging on to fabric that may not even be used up because no one orders a custom...... thinking I should use up the leftovers and just do samples and just maybe if someone wants a custom set, then I could order more instead of being stuck with fabric and not sell any customs...kwim?
Of course, lately, they are selling out of some prints already...so I couldn't do customs anyway...then again, I hate doing customs too....really, what do I have to lose? I'll give it another day and then decide...as I am not thrilled with customs anyhow, and next year I plan on not doing any at all.....soooo.... I'm not real sure what I am waiting for...
Well, crud, I just talked myself into it, lol.
Now I have a real dilemma with trying to get some matching shirts ready to pair up with everything...as also in my sewing room I have 57 YES 57!!! skirts already premade and ready to go, and a few more I need to add some fur to, and even have some more in the sewing phase. My oh my! I don;t even have enough hangers or a big enough place to hang them all!! But I bet it would all look so pretty if I just hung them up, lol!
But I need some shirts sewn up with some appliques that are already cut out and ready to sew together (yay!!) but guess who gets to sew them all....yeah, that's right...moi...and I don;t want to. I need to find someone to sew some up for me, but alas! It;s just about October and I don;t have time to fool around...boo
Anyway, besides my sewing issues...tomorrow we are going hiking, though for the sake of keeping the kids from whining, we are going on a photoshoot, lol. They don;t like hiking much lately, but are fine with a photoshoot...haha...
Of course, I can't wait till the leaves change color to get some really good ones...and I can't wait to get a bodaciously cool camera and lens to take even better ones.
Anyway....I am very frustrated that I can't find super awesome fabric that would work for my other business idea...so I probably won;t get it done...boo hiss!!
What are we gonna talk about today beside boring 'this is my life situation' stuff...hmmm...how about money...oh wait, I don;t have any of that, so I know not much about it, lol. How about music...I like that and have bunches of songs stashed on my itunes... music is great, but I still do not prefer rap, death metal, or overly country, or christian music, sorry. I will listen to the oldies all day or even some corny kids songs, but the others lack in something....
It's kinda like seeing something wonderful and then seeing something ho hum....then someone comes along and says something about the ho hum thing being beautiful, when you already know there is something even better out there. Not saying the ho hum isn't beautiful, but knowing that the wonderful thing is beyond explanation. And I'm not talking about opinions, because in general all things hold their own beauty..I'm talking about more inner spiritual things....
Knowing that there is something better than the expanse before you...knowing that there are places that once you've been there, that anything you could see here in this world is all ho hum....and mortal. And the people you meet or know....knowing that how they are now is just ho hum to the beautiful beings they will be. And they may be different or separate or something other than yourself now....but there...in that existence... they are one with you, they are all your family, they are all His too....
Get out of your box...you don;t have to be 'there' to live like you are a part of it. Bring it forth...bring your heaven inside and carry it around...and give freely.... or shut the lid on your box, no one wants to be a part of those who hold nothing dear....greed will not get you there...not even the greed of heaven itself....
I'm sorry..... don't get lost... there's only one thing to know.... and hopefully you know who He is already. You don;t need anything else.... We promise.
Clouds will rage and storms will race in, but you will be safe, in my arms......rains will pour down, waves will crash around, but you will be safe, in my arms.....
It's better, but I still have a pile of Christmas fabric stacked in the middle of the floor.....and now I am thinking I don;t like hanging on to fabric that may not even be used up because no one orders a custom...... thinking I should use up the leftovers and just do samples and just maybe if someone wants a custom set, then I could order more instead of being stuck with fabric and not sell any customs...kwim?
Of course, lately, they are selling out of some prints already...so I couldn't do customs anyway...then again, I hate doing customs too....really, what do I have to lose? I'll give it another day and then decide...as I am not thrilled with customs anyhow, and next year I plan on not doing any at all.....soooo.... I'm not real sure what I am waiting for...
Well, crud, I just talked myself into it, lol.
Now I have a real dilemma with trying to get some matching shirts ready to pair up with everything...as also in my sewing room I have 57 YES 57!!! skirts already premade and ready to go, and a few more I need to add some fur to, and even have some more in the sewing phase. My oh my! I don;t even have enough hangers or a big enough place to hang them all!! But I bet it would all look so pretty if I just hung them up, lol!
But I need some shirts sewn up with some appliques that are already cut out and ready to sew together (yay!!) but guess who gets to sew them all....yeah, that's right...moi...and I don;t want to. I need to find someone to sew some up for me, but alas! It;s just about October and I don;t have time to fool around...boo
Anyway, besides my sewing issues...tomorrow we are going hiking, though for the sake of keeping the kids from whining, we are going on a photoshoot, lol. They don;t like hiking much lately, but are fine with a photoshoot...haha...
Of course, I can't wait till the leaves change color to get some really good ones...and I can't wait to get a bodaciously cool camera and lens to take even better ones.
Anyway....I am very frustrated that I can't find super awesome fabric that would work for my other business idea...so I probably won;t get it done...boo hiss!!
What are we gonna talk about today beside boring 'this is my life situation' stuff...hmmm...how about money...oh wait, I don;t have any of that, so I know not much about it, lol. How about music...I like that and have bunches of songs stashed on my itunes... music is great, but I still do not prefer rap, death metal, or overly country, or christian music, sorry. I will listen to the oldies all day or even some corny kids songs, but the others lack in something....
It's kinda like seeing something wonderful and then seeing something ho hum....then someone comes along and says something about the ho hum thing being beautiful, when you already know there is something even better out there. Not saying the ho hum isn't beautiful, but knowing that the wonderful thing is beyond explanation. And I'm not talking about opinions, because in general all things hold their own beauty..I'm talking about more inner spiritual things....
Knowing that there is something better than the expanse before you...knowing that there are places that once you've been there, that anything you could see here in this world is all ho hum....and mortal. And the people you meet or know....knowing that how they are now is just ho hum to the beautiful beings they will be. And they may be different or separate or something other than yourself now....but there...in that existence... they are one with you, they are all your family, they are all His too....
Get out of your box...you don;t have to be 'there' to live like you are a part of it. Bring it forth...bring your heaven inside and carry it around...and give freely.... or shut the lid on your box, no one wants to be a part of those who hold nothing dear....greed will not get you there...not even the greed of heaven itself....
I'm sorry..... don't get lost... there's only one thing to know.... and hopefully you know who He is already. You don;t need anything else.... We promise.
Clouds will rage and storms will race in, but you will be safe, in my arms......rains will pour down, waves will crash around, but you will be safe, in my arms.....
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