..........there's a constant humming.
Constant.
It lingers about in the thick fog. It reverberates up through your spine and echos in your head. The sound of ...something.
Not loud, but not as quiet as one would hope. If you cover your ears, you hear it anyway. If you yell, the sound waves from your voice get muffled by the sound...what is this?
Perhaps another enemy on the hunt. One who attacks from the inside out. I don't know.
I'm alone in the fog....all alone. The others whom I know fight with me still cannot be seen or found....and even Him...where is He?
Lost again, or forgotten again. I'm not afraid...but I feel vulnerable.
This armor is strong, but it is only armor...and the sword...you can't slash at something inside you....without bleeding out.
I think I'm bleeding out already.
Scarred again. And often forgetting that this is not my life....no ...life is eternal...this is all a dream...one bad horrible amazing wonderful beautiful ugly dream.
When will it end? I want to wake up.
My life is an utter waste. Everything so trivial...so insignificant...so dead. I want to leave....go back home....there...in the garden....where He stood waiting for me...where He knelt down to lift me up when I ran into His arms. Where there was nothing else but that moment...that pure piece of peace....that...one of the only moments in my known existence that was real..that was everything...one that stands out as anything compared with most everything here....which became nothing when I was face to face with Him.
You have no idea....
No idea....you can't know until you see it for yourself...I can't explain it in words...
I can't explain it to myself even....
Thoughts simply fall back to the memory...but not a memory...an existence maybe...a moment you can relive over and over...and still fall in love with it unending...more than any memory. every memory.
"What makes you think you are further away than when you began?" He answered.
Why do I still think that, should be the question....
I want to fall....I just don;t want to live in this fog any longer....I want to wake up. I'm tired of fighting...of forgetting...of relearning...of bleeding...make it stop. I want to come home.....all of us to come home together. All of Us.
When will the dream end, and heaven begin?...This is not our life....our life is eternal....this is not our home....home is where your heart is...and mine is with Him.
"Hearts are burdened....but your heart is Mine and nothing shall trample upon it."
except on Friday evidently.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Can you bare the fruit?
Do you know what really grinds my gears?
People who have an idea to better the world in some way...but then after the initial omg, moment, they fold to the resistance...they talk themselves out of it..they give up, or worse, they hold on to it like it is all theirs and choke it out of existence.
No wonder the world is full of bad things...of greed, of envy, lust, sorrow, rage, hate, fear, vengeful thoughts....
Everything God tries to get through to us, people like that squander it away as if it was nothing....
If you can't or won't bear the fruit, give it to the hungry.
I'm so frustrated that people think they have time to do it later, think that certain things need to happen before they get started....this kinda pisses me off.....yeah, just go work on your own time...whenever you feel like it, forget about when God wants you to do it. You just go right ahead and sleep on it for a day, for a week, a month, a year....maybe years....until you die.
Thinking does not create things of beauty or love...it only gives you a glimpse of what is possible...but some decide instead to keep it to themselves....to keep it hidden....to keep it from fruitation.
Shame on you.
wtf people..... what gives you any right to think you'll get that tomorrow.
Piss away your day while nothing gets done, and then see that tomorrow is barren....you freaking cannot reap the harvest if you never sow the seeds in the first place.....yeah, you still have to water it and pull up the weeds, and all that other stuff.....but the harvest...what about the harvest?
Like having a child....It's not so hard to sow the seed, but you are able and willing to tend to the garden...throughout the good and bad...because of the harvest....
If I have to explain that analogy (or any of them for that matter) to you...you need to stop reading my blog. I will not tend to the little brats who sip on warm milk. You stand and walk or I'll leave you on the side of the road for someone with more patience to tend to. We have work to do here....and I am only explaining things from my view...but I cannot make you open your eyes to see it from your own.
Ugh...I'm out of here. I'm all disappointed in humanity as usual.
People who have an idea to better the world in some way...but then after the initial omg, moment, they fold to the resistance...they talk themselves out of it..they give up, or worse, they hold on to it like it is all theirs and choke it out of existence.
No wonder the world is full of bad things...of greed, of envy, lust, sorrow, rage, hate, fear, vengeful thoughts....
Everything God tries to get through to us, people like that squander it away as if it was nothing....
If you can't or won't bear the fruit, give it to the hungry.
I'm so frustrated that people think they have time to do it later, think that certain things need to happen before they get started....this kinda pisses me off.....yeah, just go work on your own time...whenever you feel like it, forget about when God wants you to do it. You just go right ahead and sleep on it for a day, for a week, a month, a year....maybe years....until you die.
Thinking does not create things of beauty or love...it only gives you a glimpse of what is possible...but some decide instead to keep it to themselves....to keep it hidden....to keep it from fruitation.
Shame on you.
wtf people..... what gives you any right to think you'll get that tomorrow.
Piss away your day while nothing gets done, and then see that tomorrow is barren....you freaking cannot reap the harvest if you never sow the seeds in the first place.....yeah, you still have to water it and pull up the weeds, and all that other stuff.....but the harvest...what about the harvest?
Like having a child....It's not so hard to sow the seed, but you are able and willing to tend to the garden...throughout the good and bad...because of the harvest....
If I have to explain that analogy (or any of them for that matter) to you...you need to stop reading my blog. I will not tend to the little brats who sip on warm milk. You stand and walk or I'll leave you on the side of the road for someone with more patience to tend to. We have work to do here....and I am only explaining things from my view...but I cannot make you open your eyes to see it from your own.
Ugh...I'm out of here. I'm all disappointed in humanity as usual.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I wrotes you a story.....
School got done and I am quite amazed that the little guy can in fact read quite well...even though sometimes just doesn't want to....little stinker! And here I was thinking he needed to work on reading more...sheesh. Of course, he may have done even better had he not had to of coughed between every sentence.
Then they got to choose an art project to do...Skylar made a house thingy for the fuzzball thingys she made...Teir started work on his Lego Star Wars ship and is half way through....but doing really well considering it was made for 8-14 year olds and has over 500 pieces. He'll surely get it done by tomorrow.
I (deliberately did something that is not on my priority list) worked. Painted a shirt technically, but still. and yeah, I even cut out an outfit and found out, the big pink polka dot fabric I need is at my mom;s house....lovely...so I painted, lol. And was super lucky to realize I had 4 extra princess appliques already premade so I don;t have to make them myself. YAY!!!! (which this in turn gave me more time to paint something for myself :)
But enough about the ordinary day.....no one likes ordinary, especially me. Lets talk about something drastic or offensive. Or sad, or amazing, or wholesome....hmmmmm.
Let's talk about the end of the world!!!...uh, no...that's make believe...how about cameras....oh wait, I don;t have one to talk about...but I am fixing to just go buy one...a nice ass one at that.
I bought a nice computer and I love it, I bought a nice mini laptop for writing and I love it, I bought a nice pair of boots and I love them, I bought a nice jeep and love it too (well..more so when it was new and gas was cheaper).....the only thing I bought that was nice and sucked was that embroidery machine.....it did okay...for someone who doesn't have real talent....but I do, so I ended up not loving it, but its sold now, so who cares!
I'm gonna buy me a nice camera (but not the d800 because I'm too poor to even dream that one) but the d7000 is the best of the price range I can even manage to pretend I can afford....so that is what I'm getting .
Want something insightful to ponder upon? Hmmmmm.....
Let me tell you a story....
Once upon a time the land lay dusk and barren. A void of darkness fluttered in the vast expanse. It ached to breath, to exist. Light shown down upon this land. It rolled out over the waters deep and scoured the depths with energy and life.
The dark filament writhed and spun in this loud and bright challenge and implanted itself among the lives that strode out of the booming voice that created the light.
Embedded, deep within the creatures it took hold and hid itself in the confines of a cradle of light. Feasting on flesh and on energy. The lifeforce of whom it took hold suffered slowly unknowing that the dark parasite made an abode of its heart.
The Creator took notice of this fragment of dark and shunned away from its vileness. He swept across the garden and hid this choking dark from His sight by placing a veil of flesh around those whom it used as hosts. He looked out upon His creatures to see that He no longer could hear their heartbeat, or know the joy of their laughter. His children, swept away from Him. Taken hold of by a slither of ebony that latched itself to the light.
These energies molded themselves together, where if one were to grow strong it would choke itself from the tentacles of the other. If one were to grow weak, the other would become inflated and swollen with pride. They mingled in balance to uphold the other.
"How will I rescue them? How will I bring them back home?" The Creator looked out upon the garden. The lost children who have forgotten their way, forgotten their kingdom, and forgotten their heritage....forgot Him. And they wandered after the dark, for it did not hurt their eyes, it did not cause them pain from the truth, it did not make them sweat in the heat of refinement.....why become a diamond if a rock is good enough? Why become gold if clay is the same color?....
A Hero was sent to claim the children, a Hero...but the children mocked and scolded Him. His sword was sharp and His armor nice and shiny too, but they snickered behind the curtains of blood. They played darts with His pictures and hung symbols around their necks, they called out in the night with chants of words they learned they must use, they refined their pretty words to make them align with a great god, but it was not to the Great Father. They seduced the young and enslaved those who wished to please. They suffocated those that could see with a blindfold of lies. They killed those who spoke against them...the darkness reigned where the darkness was born....and the light suffered.
But alas, ...the light cannot stay in a world where it was not born. It must return....return to the Father...Home. When it leaves, the darkness must fall away and return back into the void of nothingness...
Like that...lol.....it reminds me of 'the nothing' from the never-ending story, lol
I'm not quite sure where that story was going, but I got bored with it, so let's talk about something else....
Did you know that Los Angeles means Lost Angels????? I'm not sure if that is true, but hmmm....I wouldn't want to live there between now and 2018....cause, um....it's going to fall into the sea....
....and the land of a thousand tongues will rock to and fro. ashes and sulfur will rise up out of her and she will wail in pain. they will leave her desolate and barren. her children will flee from her and weep at the sight of her. smoke will billow up from her lands and those who see it out upon the ocean will stand in sorrow at her beauty that was caught ablaze. she will be forever lost, her children scattered, her forests dead, and her rivers plagued with poison. oh the agony that awaits her. take up your young and come out of her, o little isreal. her fall is forthcoming and her time of prosperity is at an end. none will seek her beauty and none will hear her voice. take hold of my hand and leave this place, take refuge from the smoke and from the rain. seek shelter beyond her reach. those who remain will suffer just as she suffers, cradles will be left barren and death will fill the womb. tears will fall on dust and no hand can cure them. calls for help will go unanswered and death will follow them that seek to contain her. woe to those whom she imprisons there. woe to her inhabitants. woe to the seas that cradle her, woe to her dying heart.
the time is nigh, the lands cry out as the bridegroom approaches. it shakes beneath his stare, it wails in agony, as it knows it demise is at hand. the fallen have seen it and they ignore the sirens. the chosen feel it and they watch diligently, the lost scatter in fear, the mighty laugh at it, and the poor weep. it will come as a blazing light and none can escape its gaze, the lights will be lifted up and the shadows will remain, the tides will awaken and the winds will cease, the moon will shatter, and the sun will hide its face from the agony below.
take my hand and lean on nothing else, as nothing else will hold on the day of the Lord. look to me and hear my voice, I call your name and will bring you forth from the rage, deliver you from the terror and sanctify you in the kingdom. there is nothing else but this, see me as I truly am, and know me as I know you.
Then they got to choose an art project to do...Skylar made a house thingy for the fuzzball thingys she made...Teir started work on his Lego Star Wars ship and is half way through....but doing really well considering it was made for 8-14 year olds and has over 500 pieces. He'll surely get it done by tomorrow.
I (deliberately did something that is not on my priority list) worked. Painted a shirt technically, but still. and yeah, I even cut out an outfit and found out, the big pink polka dot fabric I need is at my mom;s house....lovely...so I painted, lol. And was super lucky to realize I had 4 extra princess appliques already premade so I don;t have to make them myself. YAY!!!! (which this in turn gave me more time to paint something for myself :)
But enough about the ordinary day.....no one likes ordinary, especially me. Lets talk about something drastic or offensive. Or sad, or amazing, or wholesome....hmmmmm.
Let's talk about the end of the world!!!...uh, no...that's make believe...how about cameras....oh wait, I don;t have one to talk about...but I am fixing to just go buy one...a nice ass one at that.
I bought a nice computer and I love it, I bought a nice mini laptop for writing and I love it, I bought a nice pair of boots and I love them, I bought a nice jeep and love it too (well..more so when it was new and gas was cheaper).....the only thing I bought that was nice and sucked was that embroidery machine.....it did okay...for someone who doesn't have real talent....but I do, so I ended up not loving it, but its sold now, so who cares!
I'm gonna buy me a nice camera (but not the d800 because I'm too poor to even dream that one) but the d7000 is the best of the price range I can even manage to pretend I can afford....so that is what I'm getting .
Want something insightful to ponder upon? Hmmmmm.....
Let me tell you a story....
Once upon a time the land lay dusk and barren. A void of darkness fluttered in the vast expanse. It ached to breath, to exist. Light shown down upon this land. It rolled out over the waters deep and scoured the depths with energy and life.
The dark filament writhed and spun in this loud and bright challenge and implanted itself among the lives that strode out of the booming voice that created the light.
Embedded, deep within the creatures it took hold and hid itself in the confines of a cradle of light. Feasting on flesh and on energy. The lifeforce of whom it took hold suffered slowly unknowing that the dark parasite made an abode of its heart.
The Creator took notice of this fragment of dark and shunned away from its vileness. He swept across the garden and hid this choking dark from His sight by placing a veil of flesh around those whom it used as hosts. He looked out upon His creatures to see that He no longer could hear their heartbeat, or know the joy of their laughter. His children, swept away from Him. Taken hold of by a slither of ebony that latched itself to the light.
These energies molded themselves together, where if one were to grow strong it would choke itself from the tentacles of the other. If one were to grow weak, the other would become inflated and swollen with pride. They mingled in balance to uphold the other.
"How will I rescue them? How will I bring them back home?" The Creator looked out upon the garden. The lost children who have forgotten their way, forgotten their kingdom, and forgotten their heritage....forgot Him. And they wandered after the dark, for it did not hurt their eyes, it did not cause them pain from the truth, it did not make them sweat in the heat of refinement.....why become a diamond if a rock is good enough? Why become gold if clay is the same color?....
A Hero was sent to claim the children, a Hero...but the children mocked and scolded Him. His sword was sharp and His armor nice and shiny too, but they snickered behind the curtains of blood. They played darts with His pictures and hung symbols around their necks, they called out in the night with chants of words they learned they must use, they refined their pretty words to make them align with a great god, but it was not to the Great Father. They seduced the young and enslaved those who wished to please. They suffocated those that could see with a blindfold of lies. They killed those who spoke against them...the darkness reigned where the darkness was born....and the light suffered.
But alas, ...the light cannot stay in a world where it was not born. It must return....return to the Father...Home. When it leaves, the darkness must fall away and return back into the void of nothingness...
Like that...lol.....it reminds me of 'the nothing' from the never-ending story, lol
I'm not quite sure where that story was going, but I got bored with it, so let's talk about something else....
Did you know that Los Angeles means Lost Angels????? I'm not sure if that is true, but hmmm....I wouldn't want to live there between now and 2018....cause, um....it's going to fall into the sea....
....and the land of a thousand tongues will rock to and fro. ashes and sulfur will rise up out of her and she will wail in pain. they will leave her desolate and barren. her children will flee from her and weep at the sight of her. smoke will billow up from her lands and those who see it out upon the ocean will stand in sorrow at her beauty that was caught ablaze. she will be forever lost, her children scattered, her forests dead, and her rivers plagued with poison. oh the agony that awaits her. take up your young and come out of her, o little isreal. her fall is forthcoming and her time of prosperity is at an end. none will seek her beauty and none will hear her voice. take hold of my hand and leave this place, take refuge from the smoke and from the rain. seek shelter beyond her reach. those who remain will suffer just as she suffers, cradles will be left barren and death will fill the womb. tears will fall on dust and no hand can cure them. calls for help will go unanswered and death will follow them that seek to contain her. woe to those whom she imprisons there. woe to her inhabitants. woe to the seas that cradle her, woe to her dying heart.
the time is nigh, the lands cry out as the bridegroom approaches. it shakes beneath his stare, it wails in agony, as it knows it demise is at hand. the fallen have seen it and they ignore the sirens. the chosen feel it and they watch diligently, the lost scatter in fear, the mighty laugh at it, and the poor weep. it will come as a blazing light and none can escape its gaze, the lights will be lifted up and the shadows will remain, the tides will awaken and the winds will cease, the moon will shatter, and the sun will hide its face from the agony below.
take my hand and lean on nothing else, as nothing else will hold on the day of the Lord. look to me and hear my voice, I call your name and will bring you forth from the rage, deliver you from the terror and sanctify you in the kingdom. there is nothing else but this, see me as I truly am, and know me as I know you.
Coffee,,,,,,where are you?
This country of the United States of America is utterly stupid.
So is its health care system.
I won;t go into that, but just so you know the above statements are true.
Anyway, Dr. appointment tomorrow for the little guy at what I hope to be a decent doctor's office.
You know how you can go to places like the dollar store or save a lot and notice how many of the prices are higher than wal-mart? Reason why I don;t shop at either of those places, but am poor enough to be forced to shop at wal-mart...yay. That's like health care....well, government health care. Forced to choose a 'hmmm, okay' (maybe) over , 'oh that place looks nice'...and clean.
Kinda like choosing dollar store over target....you may get it cheaper, but the quality stinks.
So anyway....I have work to do........and want to say that that awesome Australian lady (Catherine) from Cash & Joy....was right...lol.
I raised my prices and even though I worked less in January, I made more than last year in Jan.....and so far have sold more for Feb already than last year as well...yikes!!!
Love, but I still have to work, haha! Thankfully I have an awesome helper :) aka Mom.
But yeah, I have work to do, which I will get to after we do some school (cause really now, just cause the kid is sick, doesn't mean he can't learn something!)
Need some coffee too...
Oh, and future desk (yes, I know I can't get off the subject... but did you see the chevy truck commercial from the super bowl....the end of the world one....and it rained frogs at the end...(no clue why though, whatever)...but it reminded me of my desk that has the frog on it...it wasn't raining frogs, but the frog was in the rain? idk.
And I saw a sign yesterday that said 'ride a train'...maybe hubby will get that job, so we won;t have to settle for crap quality.
Coraline went to get spayed this morning...hope she isn't freaking out, though I'm sure she is....poor pup. Get to pick her up bright and early tomorrow morning. then take the little guy to doctors, then....idk, not sure if I'll go to derby Wed. or Thurs. yet.
Anyway, off to make princesses and Lilo&Stitch just after school. Later gator.
So is its health care system.
I won;t go into that, but just so you know the above statements are true.
Anyway, Dr. appointment tomorrow for the little guy at what I hope to be a decent doctor's office.
You know how you can go to places like the dollar store or save a lot and notice how many of the prices are higher than wal-mart? Reason why I don;t shop at either of those places, but am poor enough to be forced to shop at wal-mart...yay. That's like health care....well, government health care. Forced to choose a 'hmmm, okay' (maybe) over , 'oh that place looks nice'...and clean.
Kinda like choosing dollar store over target....you may get it cheaper, but the quality stinks.
So anyway....I have work to do........and want to say that that awesome Australian lady (Catherine) from Cash & Joy....was right...lol.
I raised my prices and even though I worked less in January, I made more than last year in Jan.....and so far have sold more for Feb already than last year as well...yikes!!!
Love, but I still have to work, haha! Thankfully I have an awesome helper :) aka Mom.
But yeah, I have work to do, which I will get to after we do some school (cause really now, just cause the kid is sick, doesn't mean he can't learn something!)
Need some coffee too...
Oh, and future desk (yes, I know I can't get off the subject... but did you see the chevy truck commercial from the super bowl....the end of the world one....and it rained frogs at the end...(no clue why though, whatever)...but it reminded me of my desk that has the frog on it...it wasn't raining frogs, but the frog was in the rain? idk.
And I saw a sign yesterday that said 'ride a train'...maybe hubby will get that job, so we won;t have to settle for crap quality.
Coraline went to get spayed this morning...hope she isn't freaking out, though I'm sure she is....poor pup. Get to pick her up bright and early tomorrow morning. then take the little guy to doctors, then....idk, not sure if I'll go to derby Wed. or Thurs. yet.
Anyway, off to make princesses and Lilo&Stitch just after school. Later gator.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Joshua marched around Jericho....
This is Joshua
I brought him home on black Friday after rescuing from a crowd of look-a-like stuffed bears...he was calling out for help when he saw that I took notice of him. He found it strange that he was the only one who was alive...all the rest were just...not. I saved him.
He even got to come with me while we finished hunting down the not-so-good bargains and was one of the few items I bought. That made him happy since he was tired of not being seen or heard. He thought he was all alone in the world and that no one would see that he was something special. That he had something special.
So Joshua here now lives with us. He eventually made his way into the hands of a girl child...
and gets to sleep in her bed with her numerous other toys, some stuffed, some alive like him, as well as actual living creatures with claws. He likes it here, but is sometimes leery of the big-toothed creature with the wagging tail that looks at him funny.
So anyway...do you ever feel like you are stuck and suffocating in a pile of zombies too? Zombies...as in people who are not alive on the inside. I have before. They act all normal and seemingly real and alive...but you know deep down that they are just relaying the information that was pre-programmed into them when their child-spirit was hidden from them. Zombies...robots...droids...dead...whatever you want to call it, you know who they are.
Then there's the ones who are lingering inbetween being dead and alive (still zombies at it's finest). They learn and are somewhat open-minded to things, but they wouldn't shout out one word of their true self if their life depended on it....fear stricken.
The living people....so few...but they do exist. I like them the best even though the zombies hunt after them endlessly without them knowing it. They are susceptible of falls and turmoil, but eventually regain their footing.
Then there's another kind...I'm not quite sure what to call them other than 'enlightened'....spirits who are not hunted by zombies, because the zombies either love them or fear them. Those who you would sit and be with everyday if possible.... these are the rare breeds....and hard to find, even harder to even talk to if you come upon one. You can only recognize them by the aura that surrounds them...the feeling that you succumb to when they are near. I've only maybe met 4 or so in my life. One I kept around, but the others, no so much as talk to...except one....whom freaked me out to no end! I literately think he was an angel....super weird. I'll share...I guess...
So once upon a time, i lived across the street from the Hardee's restaurant on Morrison Springs Rd. in Red Bank. One afternoon, I went over there to get me a double-burger (double cheese burger without cheese) When I walked in, my attention immediately was caught by the two older ladies who were sitting in the back of the dining area near the windows.
No one else was in the place except the workers behind the counter. So I go in and after breaking away from the urge to look at these ladies I order my burger..take it to go sit (I sat facing away from them, cause they were freaking me out with that 'feeling'). The whole time I sat there I kept thinking they were trying to read my mind, haha. It was so weird!
Then to beat it all I went up to get a refill of my drink when one of them came up as well to the counter.
She asked me what my sign was...? I was like...um..Pisces.
She smiled and nodded, like she knew I was trying to block her with my mind when I thought they were trying to read it, lol.
I wish now that I had started up a conversation with her, but dang, I was freaked out....I'm telling you these people have a feeling about them or something. Of course back then, I hated everyone and was too shy to say much.
Another interesting meeting was when I worked at Walgreen's on Dayton Blvd. in Red Bank (great job, btw. until we got a pissy ass boss later on)...anyway, I was working in the cosmetics department (yeah, I know nothing about make-up except where it was on the shelf, lol) but I was on the floor attempting to fit 20 bottles of shampoo (or lotion?) on the bottom shelf where only 4 bottles would fit (I had to make it fit, that was my job!) So I was sitting on the floor....
This guy...with blondish hair, kinda muscular, really nice blue eyes (no, not cute or hot, just peaceful) had came up the aisle, squatted down to me and asked if we carried earrings.
I of course 'feel' this whacked out, strange, omg, feeling and smile and said 'sure do'...because we did.
So I push all the bottles near the shelf (so no one trips on them) stand up and walk him over to the jewelry counter where the earring twirly display thing supposed to have been...
Of course it's missing...in my head all I thought was 'who in the world is this guy?' 'this feels so weird', so while I'm searching frantically for the stupid earring twirly thing, i have all this 'stuff' running through my head about this weird guy...who's voice was like really calm and soft, and omg weird!
I never found the earring display thingy and tell him 'well, we used to carry earrings, but it seems to be missing...' or something along the lines...I'm all flushed and exasperated that I couldn't provide what he was needing...he just smiles and says something like thank you, I can't remember, cause I was already whacked at the time. But he just turns and leaves...so it was really normal and all, but omg, if I had to guess, he was an angel or something. I'm telling you, people don't have aura's like that everywhere you go....they just don;t.
I'm not gonna lie...hubby had one too and I was drawn to him...so I'm just glad he forced a hug from me all the time even though I was like super embarrassed.
...love him. :)
that was lame...sorry...I sometimes go back and erase the too lame stuff, but this barely makes the cut....so you get to suffer through a few of my piss poor teenager moments. suffering brings ...oh, umm...something or other...experience maybe...idk
I'm not very up to par today with life changing words...not that they ever are...
But hey, if you want something cool to think about....divulge upon this.... "Do whatever it is that divides the world between you."......
I was told this probably like 4 years ago...I just discovered really what it means.... I'm so slow sometimes.... glad I have a patient teacher.
....and while your heart sleeps, rest easy upon the flowing waters, the rustling of the sands, the simple songs that play upon the strings of time. There is nothing to find that I have not already given, nothing lost that was ever taken...only forgotten.
The way is not always upward or forwards, but inside, within to where the heart meets the soul and the spirit lies in the midst of the burning blazing son. the stars shine forth just as the light from within you calls out to those who are in the darkness. Walk upon the the road of the fearful, bend the hatred and fear into a distant rainbow, change the enemy into a shadow, a memory and reveal the hidden glow that was buried within its confounds.
Stand beside me, upon the shores. take my hand and taste the victory of joy. The savoring petals of life and of God. Speak of the winds and dance upon the divine kingdoms. Follow me, follow me....to the ends of the earth and across the ocean deep, beyond the stars and through the magic, through the pain, through the trials, and above the lands. Dance with me...in peace.
I brought him home on black Friday after rescuing from a crowd of look-a-like stuffed bears...he was calling out for help when he saw that I took notice of him. He found it strange that he was the only one who was alive...all the rest were just...not. I saved him.
He even got to come with me while we finished hunting down the not-so-good bargains and was one of the few items I bought. That made him happy since he was tired of not being seen or heard. He thought he was all alone in the world and that no one would see that he was something special. That he had something special.
So Joshua here now lives with us. He eventually made his way into the hands of a girl child...
and gets to sleep in her bed with her numerous other toys, some stuffed, some alive like him, as well as actual living creatures with claws. He likes it here, but is sometimes leery of the big-toothed creature with the wagging tail that looks at him funny.
So anyway...do you ever feel like you are stuck and suffocating in a pile of zombies too? Zombies...as in people who are not alive on the inside. I have before. They act all normal and seemingly real and alive...but you know deep down that they are just relaying the information that was pre-programmed into them when their child-spirit was hidden from them. Zombies...robots...droids...dead...whatever you want to call it, you know who they are.
Then there's the ones who are lingering inbetween being dead and alive (still zombies at it's finest). They learn and are somewhat open-minded to things, but they wouldn't shout out one word of their true self if their life depended on it....fear stricken.
The living people....so few...but they do exist. I like them the best even though the zombies hunt after them endlessly without them knowing it. They are susceptible of falls and turmoil, but eventually regain their footing.
Then there's another kind...I'm not quite sure what to call them other than 'enlightened'....spirits who are not hunted by zombies, because the zombies either love them or fear them. Those who you would sit and be with everyday if possible.... these are the rare breeds....and hard to find, even harder to even talk to if you come upon one. You can only recognize them by the aura that surrounds them...the feeling that you succumb to when they are near. I've only maybe met 4 or so in my life. One I kept around, but the others, no so much as talk to...except one....whom freaked me out to no end! I literately think he was an angel....super weird. I'll share...I guess...
So once upon a time, i lived across the street from the Hardee's restaurant on Morrison Springs Rd. in Red Bank. One afternoon, I went over there to get me a double-burger (double cheese burger without cheese) When I walked in, my attention immediately was caught by the two older ladies who were sitting in the back of the dining area near the windows.
No one else was in the place except the workers behind the counter. So I go in and after breaking away from the urge to look at these ladies I order my burger..take it to go sit (I sat facing away from them, cause they were freaking me out with that 'feeling'). The whole time I sat there I kept thinking they were trying to read my mind, haha. It was so weird!
Then to beat it all I went up to get a refill of my drink when one of them came up as well to the counter.
She asked me what my sign was...? I was like...um..Pisces.
She smiled and nodded, like she knew I was trying to block her with my mind when I thought they were trying to read it, lol.
I wish now that I had started up a conversation with her, but dang, I was freaked out....I'm telling you these people have a feeling about them or something. Of course back then, I hated everyone and was too shy to say much.
Another interesting meeting was when I worked at Walgreen's on Dayton Blvd. in Red Bank (great job, btw. until we got a pissy ass boss later on)...anyway, I was working in the cosmetics department (yeah, I know nothing about make-up except where it was on the shelf, lol) but I was on the floor attempting to fit 20 bottles of shampoo (or lotion?) on the bottom shelf where only 4 bottles would fit (I had to make it fit, that was my job!) So I was sitting on the floor....
This guy...with blondish hair, kinda muscular, really nice blue eyes (no, not cute or hot, just peaceful) had came up the aisle, squatted down to me and asked if we carried earrings.
I of course 'feel' this whacked out, strange, omg, feeling and smile and said 'sure do'...because we did.
So I push all the bottles near the shelf (so no one trips on them) stand up and walk him over to the jewelry counter where the earring twirly display thing supposed to have been...
Of course it's missing...in my head all I thought was 'who in the world is this guy?' 'this feels so weird', so while I'm searching frantically for the stupid earring twirly thing, i have all this 'stuff' running through my head about this weird guy...who's voice was like really calm and soft, and omg weird!
I never found the earring display thingy and tell him 'well, we used to carry earrings, but it seems to be missing...' or something along the lines...I'm all flushed and exasperated that I couldn't provide what he was needing...he just smiles and says something like thank you, I can't remember, cause I was already whacked at the time. But he just turns and leaves...so it was really normal and all, but omg, if I had to guess, he was an angel or something. I'm telling you, people don't have aura's like that everywhere you go....they just don;t.
I'm not gonna lie...hubby had one too and I was drawn to him...so I'm just glad he forced a hug from me all the time even though I was like super embarrassed.
...love him. :)
that was lame...sorry...I sometimes go back and erase the too lame stuff, but this barely makes the cut....so you get to suffer through a few of my piss poor teenager moments. suffering brings ...oh, umm...something or other...experience maybe...idk
I'm not very up to par today with life changing words...not that they ever are...
But hey, if you want something cool to think about....divulge upon this.... "Do whatever it is that divides the world between you."......
I was told this probably like 4 years ago...I just discovered really what it means.... I'm so slow sometimes.... glad I have a patient teacher.
....and while your heart sleeps, rest easy upon the flowing waters, the rustling of the sands, the simple songs that play upon the strings of time. There is nothing to find that I have not already given, nothing lost that was ever taken...only forgotten.
The way is not always upward or forwards, but inside, within to where the heart meets the soul and the spirit lies in the midst of the burning blazing son. the stars shine forth just as the light from within you calls out to those who are in the darkness. Walk upon the the road of the fearful, bend the hatred and fear into a distant rainbow, change the enemy into a shadow, a memory and reveal the hidden glow that was buried within its confounds.
Stand beside me, upon the shores. take my hand and taste the victory of joy. The savoring petals of life and of God. Speak of the winds and dance upon the divine kingdoms. Follow me, follow me....to the ends of the earth and across the ocean deep, beyond the stars and through the magic, through the pain, through the trials, and above the lands. Dance with me...in peace.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Even crazy and happy is good....with a touch of salt.
Oh dear....something good and something bad...let's begin....
So I watched this youtube video...the good one, talking about the wind blowing to and fro and only those belonging to Jesus would stand firm in the torrent.....
Um...future desk -- the wind blowing to and fro..the girl not moving, or the apples (which may represent the life fruit?)
I'm telling you these things just come to me, I don;t hunt them down...never have to hunt anything down, but sometimes I browse...
I'm telling you this stuff wigs me out, but I think it's cool.....
Now something bad...I browsed a bit (yeah, I know I shouldn't!) and watched someone else's video (this is why one shouldn't hunt...bad bad stuff) lady was talking about her dreams...one was okay, but she added her little come to Jesus thing at the end...and OMG....she sounded like some broken recorder like every other freak of nature out there who acts like they are speaking to a little toddler!@!!!!!AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!
I went to church once, and I asked the big man why I was here....and He said "To teach those that they cannot." I'm guessing this means to speak to people like they are not some stupid robot toddler, but as divine humans with thoughts of their own....argh! I hate robots and zombies...because zombies are dead DEAD!!!! and the world is full of them!
Now since after that video of hers...she was nice and all, but just out of curiosity I had to go and listen to the second video...which happened to be what she called an army of people in happy colored shirts with signs chanting...and people wanted to go be a part of it and were jumping into the river to get over to them and oh joyous goodness...blah blah blah...and she was saying that she thought these were God's people coming to save the lost??? WTF! What?!
People coming to steal you away and walk you into the pit is more like it.
This is why I avoid crazy happy church people. Crazy is good, Happy is good, church people are good (some of them anyway...you know who you are.) but all of the above are defiled.
I wouldn't step one foot towards a crazy happy crowd of Jesus people that are holding up signs and chanting....hell no.
And that pit...I saw that pit. It burns your nostrils...it is dark with gray black stones all the way around and down into the blackness.... and screams echo out from it...wails, the worst type of blood-curling sounds...I can't even describe them....and they get louder when He looks down into it...
I already wrote about this, but it's bad bad bad!!! Do not follow the crazy happy church people!!!!!! DO NOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT HE HAS BUILT YOU UPON DECIDE THAT THOSE PEOPLE CAN SAVE YOU!!!!
Wake up!
You would think I would be doing something productive today other than writing my already second blog post of the day..... (which I already sewed up a Minnie Mouse thank you!) and we are skipping school (cause Teir is not up to par and video games are more relaxing that math, bite me) ... BUT I had to just tell you what I found today...the cool future desk thing...and well, I had to warn you against the zombies who wish to eat your brains and have you join their ranks.....you are not a pawn. You are not a toddler either, so stop listening to the toddler talk and stop sipping on the toddler milk, or reading the toddler books, or sucking you thumb because you aren't allowed to talk...or say bad words...or do something or be something because they won;t allow it....they won;t accept you...they'll deny you....
Heaven forbid they deny you...and kick you out because you don;t fit their cliche....neither did Jesus, but you don;t see Him folding over to their every whim.... they change like the wind, He does not...neither should you.
Well, yay for fun rants about the big man and youtube users and whatever else. Bye lovelies.... (that's what Australians say) and it sounds so cool. I need to go there....forever, but after the tsunami is over with.
So I watched this youtube video...the good one, talking about the wind blowing to and fro and only those belonging to Jesus would stand firm in the torrent.....
Um...future desk -- the wind blowing to and fro..the girl not moving, or the apples (which may represent the life fruit?)
I'm telling you these things just come to me, I don;t hunt them down...never have to hunt anything down, but sometimes I browse...
I'm telling you this stuff wigs me out, but I think it's cool.....
Now something bad...I browsed a bit (yeah, I know I shouldn't!) and watched someone else's video (this is why one shouldn't hunt...bad bad stuff) lady was talking about her dreams...one was okay, but she added her little come to Jesus thing at the end...and OMG....she sounded like some broken recorder like every other freak of nature out there who acts like they are speaking to a little toddler!@!!!!!AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!
I went to church once, and I asked the big man why I was here....and He said "To teach those that they cannot." I'm guessing this means to speak to people like they are not some stupid robot toddler, but as divine humans with thoughts of their own....argh! I hate robots and zombies...because zombies are dead DEAD!!!! and the world is full of them!
Now since after that video of hers...she was nice and all, but just out of curiosity I had to go and listen to the second video...which happened to be what she called an army of people in happy colored shirts with signs chanting...and people wanted to go be a part of it and were jumping into the river to get over to them and oh joyous goodness...blah blah blah...and she was saying that she thought these were God's people coming to save the lost??? WTF! What?!
People coming to steal you away and walk you into the pit is more like it.
This is why I avoid crazy happy church people. Crazy is good, Happy is good, church people are good (some of them anyway...you know who you are.) but all of the above are defiled.
I wouldn't step one foot towards a crazy happy crowd of Jesus people that are holding up signs and chanting....hell no.
And that pit...I saw that pit. It burns your nostrils...it is dark with gray black stones all the way around and down into the blackness.... and screams echo out from it...wails, the worst type of blood-curling sounds...I can't even describe them....and they get louder when He looks down into it...
I already wrote about this, but it's bad bad bad!!! Do not follow the crazy happy church people!!!!!! DO NOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT HE HAS BUILT YOU UPON DECIDE THAT THOSE PEOPLE CAN SAVE YOU!!!!
Wake up!
You would think I would be doing something productive today other than writing my already second blog post of the day..... (which I already sewed up a Minnie Mouse thank you!) and we are skipping school (cause Teir is not up to par and video games are more relaxing that math, bite me) ... BUT I had to just tell you what I found today...the cool future desk thing...and well, I had to warn you against the zombies who wish to eat your brains and have you join their ranks.....you are not a pawn. You are not a toddler either, so stop listening to the toddler talk and stop sipping on the toddler milk, or reading the toddler books, or sucking you thumb because you aren't allowed to talk...or say bad words...or do something or be something because they won;t allow it....they won;t accept you...they'll deny you....
Heaven forbid they deny you...and kick you out because you don;t fit their cliche....neither did Jesus, but you don;t see Him folding over to their every whim.... they change like the wind, He does not...neither should you.
Well, yay for fun rants about the big man and youtube users and whatever else. Bye lovelies.... (that's what Australians say) and it sounds so cool. I need to go there....forever, but after the tsunami is over with.
A hippie and a forgetful child.
The world is full of haters. So what if someone isn't all nice and happy and loveable and holy all the time...get over your self. Neither are you.
The world is full of lovers...who love themselves...what a shame.
The world is full of deceivers....but only to those who can't think for themselves...wake up and have a chat with the boss man yourself...no one should intercede between you.
The world is full of promises....promises that you will one day discover are lies.
The world is full of coldness, the kind to where you avoid people because you yourself shiver with fear in the unknown...you don't know them. And if you do, you should have lit your fire with theirs.
The world is full of fire....burning raging fire....but not all of it burns.
I have forgotten....
What makes me forget?
I've forgotten how easy it supposed to be....why do we continually make it harder as the days go by?
Love is not hard, it does not struggle, or need to follow guidelines.
When people say marriage is hard work, they are liars. It is the releasing of hard work, the letting go and sacrificing. I despise that people tell lies that it takes hard work....no it doesn't...just let love do its job.
When the lies of certain other things tell you that you have to do this or say this or go here or be there come about...they too intercede between the one you seek to speak with....*sigh....
So, I spoke with my best friend last night. He was wearing jeans and a red faded t-shirt, because He said I needed to get the stupid idea that He always wears a white robe out of my head. He had His hair tied back in a little pony tail too...He kinda looked like a hippie, lol. Had some worn tennis shoes to match. His eyes still remained the same...and His voice, and His smile....the kind you can't help but smile back when He does...even if you're sad...and you can try and try to fight it to no avail....
Anyway...He had to remind me of things I often forget...too often if you ask me....all because the world is a liar and a cheat and it is a thief too. You don't ever realize what it stole until you try to find it again.....but of course you can never find it...only He can give it back to you and tell you to "Hang on to it this time."
I'm such a difficult child. I know. Yet, His patience with me is awfully appealing....I would like to be that patient too.
I asked Him a few things about the future....not that it was all that important, it was curiosity mainly....He said "It will be like Christmas, but instead of not receiving what you expect, it will be different this time."... He smiled to Himself when saying this, as if He had plans in the making...plans that He knew were being brought to life. Joy painted on His face. He looks really comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. Like one of us.
Okay....no more talking about things you have no idea about...how about we talk about something else...not that anything else could compare, but anyway...Teir has a little cough, it's weird, but had a fever yesterday evening, still little cough this morning, but not feverish, hoping it doesn't spike back up again and whatever it is goes away. Glad he's eating though and not doing that backwards, if you kwim...
His birthday party is Saturday, real birthday is Monday, he's gonna be the big 8!!! Love my little guy.
I really have nothing else to say.....like I said...nothing quite can compare....oh...and you know what else He said... "Tell them about me."...I always thought most people already knew...but now I'm thinking they have forgotten Him...and how simple it is supposed to be. Like I forget....
Please remember.....
Remember how easy it was once before they showed you how to do it the 'correct' way. The 'acceptable' way....remember...
Everyone thinks I'm the devil and I have nothing good inside me.....it's okay though, I don;t think anything bad about them. I know they are POW's ...I know they are hiding, I know. But I can only tell them the keys to their cage are in their hands.
But if I wanted to really rescue them I would smack them upside the head, take the keys, open the door, and drag them out kicking and screaming and push their cage off the cliff...then they would have to wail in the sunshine until their eyes could adjust...but that's just me....luckily I disappeared a long time ago. Myself is just a memory I like to pretend I can revive.
The world is full of lovers...who love themselves...what a shame.
The world is full of deceivers....but only to those who can't think for themselves...wake up and have a chat with the boss man yourself...no one should intercede between you.
The world is full of promises....promises that you will one day discover are lies.
The world is full of coldness, the kind to where you avoid people because you yourself shiver with fear in the unknown...you don't know them. And if you do, you should have lit your fire with theirs.
The world is full of fire....burning raging fire....but not all of it burns.
I have forgotten....
What makes me forget?
I've forgotten how easy it supposed to be....why do we continually make it harder as the days go by?
Love is not hard, it does not struggle, or need to follow guidelines.
When people say marriage is hard work, they are liars. It is the releasing of hard work, the letting go and sacrificing. I despise that people tell lies that it takes hard work....no it doesn't...just let love do its job.
When the lies of certain other things tell you that you have to do this or say this or go here or be there come about...they too intercede between the one you seek to speak with....*sigh....
So, I spoke with my best friend last night. He was wearing jeans and a red faded t-shirt, because He said I needed to get the stupid idea that He always wears a white robe out of my head. He had His hair tied back in a little pony tail too...He kinda looked like a hippie, lol. Had some worn tennis shoes to match. His eyes still remained the same...and His voice, and His smile....the kind you can't help but smile back when He does...even if you're sad...and you can try and try to fight it to no avail....
Anyway...He had to remind me of things I often forget...too often if you ask me....all because the world is a liar and a cheat and it is a thief too. You don't ever realize what it stole until you try to find it again.....but of course you can never find it...only He can give it back to you and tell you to "Hang on to it this time."
I'm such a difficult child. I know. Yet, His patience with me is awfully appealing....I would like to be that patient too.
I asked Him a few things about the future....not that it was all that important, it was curiosity mainly....He said "It will be like Christmas, but instead of not receiving what you expect, it will be different this time."... He smiled to Himself when saying this, as if He had plans in the making...plans that He knew were being brought to life. Joy painted on His face. He looks really comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. Like one of us.
Okay....no more talking about things you have no idea about...how about we talk about something else...not that anything else could compare, but anyway...Teir has a little cough, it's weird, but had a fever yesterday evening, still little cough this morning, but not feverish, hoping it doesn't spike back up again and whatever it is goes away. Glad he's eating though and not doing that backwards, if you kwim...
His birthday party is Saturday, real birthday is Monday, he's gonna be the big 8!!! Love my little guy.
I really have nothing else to say.....like I said...nothing quite can compare....oh...and you know what else He said... "Tell them about me."...I always thought most people already knew...but now I'm thinking they have forgotten Him...and how simple it is supposed to be. Like I forget....
Please remember.....
Remember how easy it was once before they showed you how to do it the 'correct' way. The 'acceptable' way....remember...
Everyone thinks I'm the devil and I have nothing good inside me.....it's okay though, I don;t think anything bad about them. I know they are POW's ...I know they are hiding, I know. But I can only tell them the keys to their cage are in their hands.
But if I wanted to really rescue them I would smack them upside the head, take the keys, open the door, and drag them out kicking and screaming and push their cage off the cliff...then they would have to wail in the sunshine until their eyes could adjust...but that's just me....luckily I disappeared a long time ago. Myself is just a memory I like to pretend I can revive.
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