life is but a dream....

..........there's a constant humming.
Constant.
It lingers about in the thick fog. It reverberates up through your spine and echos in your head. The sound of ...something.
Not loud, but not as quiet as one would hope. If you cover your ears, you hear it anyway. If you yell, the sound waves from your voice get muffled by the sound...what is this?
Perhaps another enemy on the hunt. One who attacks from the inside out. I don't know.
I'm alone in the fog....all alone. The others whom I know fight with me still cannot be seen or found....and even Him...where is He?
Lost again, or forgotten again. I'm not afraid...but I feel vulnerable.
This armor is strong, but it is only armor...and the sword...you can't slash at something inside you....without bleeding out.

I think I'm bleeding out already.
Scarred again. And often forgetting that this is not my life....no ...life is eternal...this is all a dream...one bad horrible amazing wonderful beautiful ugly dream.
When will it end? I want to wake up.


My life is an utter waste. Everything so trivial...so insignificant...so dead. I want to leave....go back home....there...in the garden....where He stood waiting for me...where He knelt down to lift me up when I ran into His arms. Where there was nothing else but that moment...that pure piece of peace....that...one of the only moments in my known existence that was real..that was everything...one that stands out as anything compared with most everything here....which became nothing when I was face to face with Him.
You have no idea....
No idea....you can't know until you see it for yourself...I can't explain it in words...
I can't explain it to myself even....
Thoughts simply fall back to the memory...but not a memory...an existence maybe...a moment you can relive over and over...and still fall in love with it unending...more than any memory. every memory.

"What makes you think you are further away than when you began?" He answered.
Why do I still think that, should be the question....
I want to fall....I just don;t want to live in this fog any longer....I want to wake up. I'm tired of fighting...of forgetting...of relearning...of bleeding...make it stop. I want to come home.....all of us to come home together. All of Us.

When will the dream end, and heaven begin?...This is not our life....our life is eternal....this is not our home....home is where your heart is...and mine is with Him.

"Hearts are burdened....but your heart is Mine and nothing shall trample upon it."


except on Friday evidently.