Exiled

So today went well, although I am still stuck in serious unproductive mode.
Dished are still dirty and so is the laundry...sewing work that best be completed by Friday is still waiting to get started on. ...and I don't care.
I'll get to it Thursday, maybe.
But I thought of at least 3 other 'omg, that would be awesome' photoshoots in the last 4 hours............. if only I had a camera that would let me begin the work and let me make something out of these ideas.
But alas...I don't...and unfortunately I am surrounded by certain people who want to suffocate these ideas...because it'll cost $2000 up front or close to it...even though once I get started I can actually make money later...but oh well, i guess I have to continue to pour unending funds into that other job...which by the way has exceeded $2000 a long long time ago...and I am just now feeling that I may be making an actual profit...maybe. But oh no....that biz has topped out and I can't take it higher until I move closer to the beach...or Australia.
But the camera idea has just began...and well, I can at least take it as high as I can...geesh....is it so hard to let me take on another hobby?

Yes, I'm still a tad bit irritated and uncalm. Maybe I'll try to fix it later....but I seem to fail at everything lately, so I probably will just make it worse. But that's okay, i'm not afraid of failure like certain people I know.
Anyway...I kinda like hating on myself. It's fun to despise your talents and abilities and bury them so they can't be seen or be heard. To take every gift that's presented to you and hide the package away for none to see. To shade your light and let the darkness reign. Oh yeah...lovely. And all of this to appease one who curses the brightness of each and every light they see....cause they are so used to burying their own.
I'm being sarcastic, if you can't tell.
And anyway...I'd rather write about shit to this stupid ass blog than tell the world...cause the world is stupid and sad and doesn't know jack from jack shit.

Feeling so weird lately....where you can see the flow of energy and see the ripples of light through the reflections in the eyes...to hear the heartbeat of breath...the thundering radiating auras......sad that there are so few who haven't buried theirs yet....I don't want to be the one that digs the grave....don't want to be the one who rushes to die, who struggles day after day to cover the sun...no, not this one.
I'll die from the heat or from the scorching rays, melt in the arms of the life giving light...but I will not shield you from it, no...I'll open the shades and tear off the roof. Peel down the curtains, unearth the beams.
You don't have to look....but I do.
I have seen this light.....and I will not give one more moment to the dark....seen the face of the sun, and will be nothing but the star that is seated next to it.
We all shall shine like the stars...if only we do not give way to the dark....
Bear with me.....things will be unsettled soon....the heavens will be in chaos, the clouds will roll by swiftly and without course, light breaking through like beacons between the shadows, rumblings and earthquakes and tremors....when they come, smile and know that He is near.....and know that I am with Him.