A friend...and a christmas tree

Last night I had so many things to write about, but I talked myself into staying in bed and not getting up to write on a stupid blog that no one reads anyway. I think by now I have forgotten a few of those things I should have written about....but you're in luck. I remember 2 (and they are the most important anyway), but I also think I have another to include as well....so if this seems long to you, I guess you'll get over it.


I have this very good friend. The kind that simply turns rather difficult frustrating things into simple, 'oh duh!' things instead. This is why they are a very good friend.
So there was this moment I was having....where you're standing in this dark place....(I use metaphors ALOT! So if you don't get it, I guess you won't get it.) A place where you are screaming like a tired and cranky and spoiled 9 year old....to where you know what you want, exactly what you want and you won't accept anything else because it is not what you know you are looking for. A place where you are angry and frustrated and just want to strangle the air between what you want and yourself....yes strangle the air to remove it. Strangle the air, strangle the body and literately put to death everything that is standing in the void. Where you know exactly what you are here to seek and then being swarmed by thousands of things that you know are not that which you came to see. Knowing who you came to see...and this air is in the way...this body, that body, the air....all these lies....this veil.
And I ramble on in a fit because I continue to forget that who I came to see isn't anywhere out there....anywhere out there.....
So this friend of mine, smacks me in the head.... "What are you doing?" ...with this serious gaze of 'hello cuckoo bird'. And I look over and complain about how you can't strangle the air or destroy this void...
"Why are you looking out there?" Confused look as he glances 'that' way....
"Oh." ...duh...what am I looking at over there, that way, up there, somewhere out there, thatta way..... and I remember once again....thank you friend.
So I revert back to something less tantrum inducing and more understandable and simple and find who I'm looking for....standing there all quiet like...as He is most of the time anyway....
Did He say saomething? I can't remember...but He knelt down and brought His forehead to mine and I think we 'went' somewhere...I can't explain that, I have no clue, I don't remember. Damn amnesia.

Yeah, so those were the 2 things in one....not explaining, so if you read and are going 'huh??' then you are just out of luck.
I noticed today that my neighbor's address numbers are 911....and no, I don't think that has anything to do with anything. Just stating a random 'oh' moment.

We went trick-or-treating with the kids too.....Yes we trick-or-treat and wear costumes...well I didn't this year...but most of the time I do. And I don't care if some of you out there think it's of the devil 'hissss', lol. If you feel like educating yourself before thinking everything outside of your box (prison) please go to google and look up Halloween....ugh. I will not educated idiots....as I prefer to lean on the side of ...Let those who are stupid, continue to be stupid. Anyway, I asked the boss man before and we are cool thank you. You don't have to though, no big deal, I don't care. good for you.
Of course I do enjoy a nit pick fight about Christmas now and then. I can't stand it, but I will buy random stuff when it is on sale, cause it is on sale! And I will wrap stuff up and give it away, cause its fun cleaning up the mess, and even though I do not own a big green tree, I do have some small neon colored ones, and a black one too, lol. I'm not pagan though, they're just freaking plastic look like really bad colored trees. Jesus wasn't born in December anyway....educate yourselves....Christmas was a coverup so the pagans could keep their winter solstice party and wouldn't get beheaded by the crusades....among other things. Santa Claus is just stupid. St. Nicholas was a person, and no reindeer do not fly, but if you are flying overhead in a helicopter they look like they aren't touching the snow while running :)
The tooth fairy is only real when you loose a tooth and get money...and the Halloween fairy is real, because my kids cannot keep and eat all that candy on their own, lol....gosh people get a life, live it. Let people do things the way they want to. So long as they aren't hurting someone else, shut up. If they don't want to do it your way, great! Kids won't grow up to be savages.....unless of course you don't parent them and rely on their peers to raise them....but that's another story in itself, lol.


Oh dang...I remember another thing...
There was this big huge gate (like a castle gate)...it was reddish in color and raising up slowly, and these big huge bugs came out of it, but they had faces...kinda like alien faces with big eyes, but had noses and mouths...I'm not sure if they were riding these huge grasshopper things or they were the grasshopper things??? I was standing at the gate as it lifted and these things started coming out, a few of them stopped to look at me but continued on. I tried to see more...but as of right now I can't rememeber all of it...argh!
BUT I think that whole idea about the first being last and the last being first had something to do with the gate....and the way people actively seek certain things and others only take into account what comes their way....kwim? Whether you put things on hold to do other things or actively embrace them now defines how long it will be when you are allowed in??maybe? idk.

My hands are freezing! It's cold down here. Gotta go.

Chocolate....why does all chocolate candy have milk in it?? :( WHY!? AHHHH!!!

How come my 'yay' 's are all underlined in red?

Some people just need slapped.
Mainly those who appear to be legit people, but you find them truthfully to be rather rude and indigent....or whatever that word is...
Those type people slowly cause me to turn into a very unfriendly and very unaccommodating person. I guess this is a sign to sear my way in the direction I need to go and not hesitate to set fire to those whom can't handle the heat.
Let them burn.
Last thing I'm going to do is miss an opportunity because I was being too nice and understanding with someone else's stupidity.

Whew! That feels better.....what else....
It's freaking cold outside!...and actually kinda chilly in here.... :P ...and no, not just my cold heart, haha.
Trick or treating may not be very fun unless I can come up with something extremely warm to wear! Brrr! Dang, the crap I go through to let the kids get candy I can't even eat...perfect.
I guess I can't compare that to that black dress I made in about 2 hours and spent $$ to buy fabric....all for a 15 minute photoshoot... Lol.... see where my priorities lie.... sorry but my wonderful Nikon was needing some time out of it's bag.
My long lost books are still lost, but lulu.com was kind enough to resend out my order for free, and they will get here Wednesday..which is a problem because piano class was rescheduled to Wednesday and guess who won't be home....argh....and Fed Ex needs you to be home...and I was only waiting 45 days so far for these books and I definitely do not want to miss them!!!! Maybe reschedule the piano.... for the sake of my books?? Since I can't start on Book 3 until I'm sure Book 2 isn't messed up.....hrmmm

Hubby fixed the dryer...at least temporarily, yay! Painted the boy's dresser...yay! Successfully accomplished school work for over a week without disruption...yay! It actually does go a lot smoother when you no longer keep a track record! Yay!
And I bought lots of seal-able canisters at hobby lobby last week....and in a few days, they will be filled with deliciousness! Like cookie stuff and muffin stuff and all that stuff that makes you excited that it's already pre mixed and it won't take near as long to prep and bake! Yay!
Of course though...this may make me fat....
Did you see the moon.....quite awesome this night I would say.
I would say if I had someone to say it to anyway....I'm so bored and lonely....and I should be working or at least preparing stuff to work tomorrow, which I had better freaking do or I'm going to slap myself. At least the applique work anyway gosh! I'm such a slacker, lol. I don't have time to do that crap right now.....well, maybe I do have time, but not time I'm willing to give. I may need to hire people again....this job sucks, haha.

I probably have more to say...but my hands are freezing, so I will wait until tomorrow when I can turn the heater on super high without getting ugly looks from the hubs.
Be good....be at peace...and know that your redemption draweth nigh.

lol.....did you know that 11-6 upside down makes... 9-11... and it's election day...and Saturn is born out of Virgo.... something to think about...or research if you are having fun with the end of the world stuff and rapture and antichrist stuff.... No bad dreams lately though...unless you count the fact that last night I dreamt I had 2 of the same kid and one I found in a trash compacter??!!....whatever!

Later peeps!

It is kinda dry out....

Want to hear some irony.....I bet you do.
So yesterday was laundry day (not that everyday can't be laundry day, but I have maybe 6 loads that needed washed/dried, so it was important for it to be such.
So the first two loads went as well as could be considering my dryer takes 1 hour and 30 minutes to actually dry a whole load.
Then the next load was in and the dryer was turned on and the thing would heat up just fine, but wouldn't turn....hmmm.
So I pushed it and it worked...for that load.
This got worse on the fourth load, and by the fifth, it wouldn't turn at all unless it was just a few tees/socks/lightweight stuff in it. Might as well forget it if you want to put jeans in there.
So, hubby needs to fix it today or there will be trouble.
I would happily go buy a new set....those fancy kinda that wash and dry a whole load in less than 30 minutes.....but alas....I can't until the new refrigerator is paid off.
So my day was fun. We did school, which I'm not sure, but math teaching sucks when you taught it 50,000 times and still the child forgets over and over.....argh.
My dishwasher is in. I had one before, but I liked my other one from the old house...and I have it here now! yay!
Other than that, yesterday was kinda blah...except for dinner, that was good.

Today.....I need to sew those things I should have done Monday or Tuesday....
Which I will.....but I need to go pick up a zipper from Hobby Lobby.
I have to meet to drop off an outfit and cd too. School too of course...and try to get that math to click in this child's head....something. Maybe work on that art board I really want done too.

So something important....to...write...about......
I'm not sure I have something. hmmm.
No new freaky dreams or coincidences. No mysterious happenings. No incredible awesome moments to share. No end of the world fluctuations. No gripes or complaints. No kudos or congrats either.....Well, maybe one gripe....I want to go take pictures and haven't yet. Too much 'other' stuff getting in the way. Yes, I know, no excuses. I guess I need the opportunity to go out and do it, or at least an opening from under this load of real work I need to do.

Well...I guess I'm boring today. Off to get the day whacked with accomplishment. Hopefully have something worthwhile to talk about later...something good and worthwhile, lol. :)

Capstones.....tumbling down

Well, I'm back. Today is in fact laundry day and the kids are currently doing their math work. Today is also sunny and warm, but I have yet to find an escape to go outside. Perhaps soon though.
I'm a bit discouraged today, because even though I would love to go do something, it just isn't working out very well. I'm about ready to throw it away and move on. I have until Monday.
I have 2 sets that must be finished tonight. And I again hate sewing.
I'm on the hunt for some money too, but it is being reclusive, lol.
I feel there's some introspection on the horizon too...a little bit of cleaning to be made, like spring cleaning, but more of a fall cleansing, the letting go of the old and worn and the time to prepare and bunker down for the winter. Steadfast, faithful.

I'm debating....I don't think any amount of work or labor, or good deed that could be done is worth it. Maybe for that huge black bug thing that I rescued and released last night, or those lady bugs I help find their way outside, or that dog that I let eat my dogs' outside this morning.....but for people....no. It's almost like helping the enemy. It backfires, or tends to leave a filthy residue on your thoughts. Perhaps there's the few times a 'thank you' reaches your ears, but there are far more silent moments that leave you wondering if any amount of effort on your part was even recognized at all. If that 6 hours was worth it, if that $35 in gas mattered, if the careful planning and scheduling was even considered.
We should fight the good fight anyway and do it anyway, even if it's just out of spite...yes we should. But I no longer want to. I'm falling into the abyss...that deep dark place. Cold. Echoes booming. Falling.

And I have been swallowed whole by something that is rather trivial. Something unworthy to speak of, but I'm lost as to why it bothers me so much. Why do such small things cause drowning tsunamis on the inside. Why?
To say it upsets me is not true. It more or less pries it's way down to the core and shakes things out of place and causes havoc to my calm. Ravaging my sense of belonging. Reminding me that this world, the belonging to this world, the being a part of this world, is false. Reminding me that I will be cast out.....and somehow making me give thanks for things such as this.

One side fights to be nothing, no one, lost, dead. The other fights for being everything, someone, found, alive. I hate this battle. We are the losers either way. The bearers of the war. Feeling it rip us apart and cast us asunder. Watching it toss us to and fro and see how it makes us stumble. Like watching yourself die, but you can't do anything about it. Even if you want to bring in the boss man....He can't just change the channel while you are still stuck in the tv. Though you are still waiting for Him to turn it all off and take you out of tv land altogether.
No superheros here....

So enough rambling about stupid things. Therefore I'll leave you with the impression that I want to tell you how fragile I am while still holding out hope that more than 5 people in this current world make me smile.....but also remind you that it doesn't matter....even if I'm sad if I don't get to see them. That it doesn't matter if I'm cast out...or turned away, or forgotten about, or left behind, or scoffed at, or avoided, or shunned, or replaced, or ignored..... I accept that....and I'll be at peace knowing where I'll be standing at the end...and it won't be with them.


Must go write on deviant art right now....must go.

wow...super short, haha

Monday night. The last 4 days have been something more than turbulent. Tomorrow is sure to hold more of the same, but perhaps (at least hoping) not so strenuous. Laundry...yeah, I can handle that. Schoolwork, sure. Sewing work.....let's just really try to get those 2 sets finished. Everything else besides dinner will have to be placed on hold.
Well, unless something really awesome shows up that steals my focus. Yeah, that would be ok I guess.
I'm sure there is more that needs to be added to tomorrow's to-do list. But for some reason I find that actually making the to-do list only keeps you from forgetting what needs done, but doesn't actually help in the accomplishment of such matters. Too bad.

I thought I was going to write about something cool tonight, but I just realized it is later than I thought and I would much rather go to sleep. So I'll try this again tomorrow, lol.....if I can find the time anyway.

See ya! :P

I fee like laughing like Gru from the despicables....

The water is pouring pouring raging pouring out. Waterfall gushing and thundering.
Are we ready? It is time.

I'm not sure why I'm here, but here is where I find myself. Though quickly, as work has to begin on this day.
Do you feel it? Can you see it? The flashing lightning that darts across the skies and the power that ripples through and within the lands. Do you feel it!? Something is happening and it is not like anything that has happened before. Stand ready, the work must begin!

Today....I must do schoolwork with the kiddos. Today I must sew and finish this outfit before my head sets down on the pillow. Today....there is no other time that has been given. Tomorrow is for tomorrow's work.
Thursday is Lowe's day. Friday is 'fix the roof at old house' day. Saturday is yardsale day. Sunday is 'you better have that roof done day'. Monday is..... 'holy crap you should have finished this Thursday' day.
But I'm not complaining...I'm rather feeling a whole heck of a lot blessed. And I hope you are too.
If not, may I suggest letting the awesomest person I know that you are struggling and would humbly accept His help to fix it. cause He fixes it rather well.
Anyways....I think maybe I can squeeze in a photoshoot Sunday since I'll probably be up there anyway....hmmm....but that means I need to sew something....argh. Oh well...we'll see how much 'paid for already work' I get done first. :P
I'm outta here!! And I can't wait to see how awesome November and especially December is gonna be!!! :)
Talk to you later jiggly little shake shake moccasins of leather wrapped cherries!

Clocks are ticking.....with only one way out

A bit of a mix today. Bummed, excited, discouraged, joyful....
Makes me wonder why I even bother with the less tasteful thoughts. We never have to, but we always find ways of carrying them with us for a short time, as if we needed them.
I'm pretty sure though...that the thoughts are not what we need, nor the reason we hold onto them. I'm pretty sure that we carry them so that maybe, just maybe, someone will see us with them and they will come save us. Rescue us. Comfort us. Just show some sort of consideration to our hearts. Make us feel something of acceptance or something of being even alive. To remind us that we are valued. We are loved.....in someway.
Holding onto pain in order to lure out the only one who would save you from it.
But maybe that person will never come.....


So there's this thing that would be really crazy to attempt...again, not fully my idea...but it looks to me that it will falter and it will die....at least right now anyway. One side says that it'll be fine and will work out because it has to, don't worry. The other side says it's stupid and no one but you will help anyway, because no one else cares, and even if they did, they wouldn't do anything but say they care, and yet do nothing.....just like always.
You'd think I would have the energy to put those harsh accusations to rest, even if they are true, and feed energy into making it all possible......but I have no energy to give. It also is not my idea....so therefore the boss man would need to give His energy into it, because mine is again failing....like always.
So I can either chill out and let stupid uncaring people stay that way, which I will, and let the boss man handle it. Or I can just say forget it...oh wait....I can't do that....because I accepted it....and well....it has to work out now...hmmm
Nevermind on that topic.

Dang....I'm kinda bummed I don't have any youtube videos to watch. Even if it's crazy people that talk about crazy subjects, lol. No one here in real life to chat with about end of the world scenarios, or rapture shenanigans, lol. Gets kinda boring with nothing interesting to discuss, lol.

Sewed today. Sewed a whole outfit actually, but still need to decorate it with the appliques...joy... :P
But you see where I'm at now, don't you, lol. Working.
I should go sew up a dress for this photoshoot that I could so do tomorrow if I got it done in time.....but ugh....I'm still full from dinner and really don't want to just yet.
Or I could print out all the designs I need for that outfit.
But no, I';m writing about nothing no one cares about anyway. And I'm still trying to keep my mind off of the fact that the one person I really want to see isn't here. And I do this everyday. Everyday. Except those days when I get to see the other person I really love to see and I get freaked out enough to not feel all longing and such. I'm such a sap.


Let's talk about something interesting...like end of the world scenarios and rapture stuff!! Yay! Cause I can't actually talk about in real life as I don't know anyone who finds interest in such matters.....hmmm. Well, I do :P so I'll talk about it here where no one else much cares either, lol. But I find it rather fun to talk to myself sometimes, I get to solve my own issues eventually, haha!

Did you know that this Tuesday (October 16th) the sign in Revelation 12 actually happens. It does, and if you had Stellarium, you could go see for yourself. Just thought that was interesting to share. And The other morning....the sun was shining through the blinds on the wall and made pictures of what looked like the Clock tower in London. Big Ben I think it's called.....I though it was cool, because the light looked red/orange and it reminded me of my dream with the buildings on fire in Great Britain....and these clock towers looked glowing in fire....it was weird. Anyway the actual clock on these towers had the hands pointing to the 10 and somewhere between the 3 and 4ish area. Not sure which was the hour/minute hands, but it looked like either 10:16/17/18 or for the other way, maybe 3:50 .... No coincidence that 10/16 is the sign in the heavens....and the clock could have meant 10:16, nor the fact that it was Big Ben which is also in Great Britain...which just so happened to burn in my last messed up dream....the one with Keanu Reeves in it, lol. The had the paper that read something about 'A Groom man...10........100 yrs.'
Hopeful thinking that it could mean a wedding, which would be awesome and all....or war which would not be awesome.

And I think this stupid election needs to hurry up, I'm getting bored with it as well. All these clowns need to go on already, we all know it is fixed and they do all this hoopla for your entertainment and make you sheeple believe you are watching something unfold, when they already have had it planned out for quite a long while. Wake up already...it's all rehearsed. All of it.
The crazy youtube people say our current prez is the antichrist, but of course so was the last one too, wasn't he, lol. And I bet the next one will be as well, of course....though I doubt we will have a next one. It'll be the same one most likely, my opinion. And the end of the world will come, so there won't be another. We hope.

Lol, I got to go....someone is whispering in my ear. :) Later lovelies! Be at peace....and although the tower may fall, the dust cannot shake the earth beneath your feet, nor the steadfast beating within your heart......