Everything is awesome....

It is night and the stars are out...I think, I hadn't had a chance to go outside just yet.
This is going to be a rather quick post (I hope) because I've got some serious writing to do on Book 3 of Angel of MidKnight....I'm currently on Chapter 10.
In other news I recently made a stupid video for Hobo Patch, and ShadowDragon Dreams is going rather well. I'm hoping my recent new employees will keep up the good work and I hope they get quicker so I can not worry so much....

I want to explain myself a bit this very fine evening.
Isn't that a rare thing....explaining myself, like I have always done, but for some reason no one really understands what I'm saying. Nor do they listen. I've gotten used to it, and frankly, I really don't mind at all. I feel rather like a treasure....something kept hidden so no one steals its glory.
But anyway, we recently watched the Lego Movie.
Remember the part where they said that Emmet blended in so well that he was invisible..... that is me. Totally.
I can get along with anyone, even if I really don't like you. The way to tell if I don't like you is that you may only see me once....and if it's any more than that, I won't be around listening to you speak, doesn't matter what you are saying.
I can relate to many as well....even if I've passed that point of my life and now I think it's rather drab....or I haven't reached it yet and therefore think I'm invincible to it. Or I'm in it....and I understand, but don't talk about it because I'm still learning my way through and don't want to sound like a goon for thinking I actually know what I'm doing. Ha, I never know what I'm doing really.
Even if I'm really passionate about certain things, I'm to the point of not sharing my ideas because everyone is either sick of hearing about it, they don't care because it doesn't relate to them, or they really don't understand.....mostly it's the latter. So I remain silent, and when I get talkative, I still feel alone because everyone I know lives in this world.......and I do not.
I know a few people who don't, but I haven't met them...or they are on the other side already and are spared watching my shortcomings and failures and regrets.

What else.....I'm rather happy and joyful most of the time.....except when adults throw temper tantrums and being considerate and unable to waste energy, I let them. This drives me insane, however I just don't have the energy to give.

I've related people to a piece of star dust....and their star dust is wrapped up tightly below their layers and layers of whatever it is that they think they need....for many it is covered by fear...ego...regret...hate...doubt. I see this in them and I want to help them peel back the layers and rescue their star from the darkness....but they just don't want to allow it. They want to feel their rage.
So again...I feel like Emmet. Feel like you were a part of something, but really not....they didn't care if you were there or not... until you became special...and wonderful...and whatever else they said in that movie.
I don't want to be special though.......I want you to be.

I don't care what you think....as long as its about me.

ya know...I don't know how I manage to get things done on time.... hahahahaha.
Maybe a constant stroke of luck....maybe born with such a blessing. Yeah, let's go with that.
So things are busy as usual...but I'm finding time to reread books, finally manage to eke out character files on my own book so I know what color eyes/hair everyone has to has....no good if their eye color keeps changing.... Writing is just around the corner, though I hate saying that since I can't foresee the future unless it comes in weird energy vibes....then I can.
Visualization works by the way, but what they don't tell you is that you have to keep it up or what you visualize kinda stops....yeah...its like shaving your legs or washing your hair....
Been playing with reiki lately...very interesting....I'll give a more in depth explanation and review when I have more time under my belt...

Hitting up Six Flags next week with our free tickets! (yay free!) and possibly getting this ragout of hair chopped off soon! YAY! short hair! and probably dyed and made cooler looking that it currently is.
Then a tattoo...because I can...and I want. But I have to wait until after father's day so hubby doesn't think I'm rewarding myself. and all this relies on whether or not there's money to be used for such unnecessary expenditures.

Let's see....been diving deep into non-worldly things...but that is my life. And even though we don't get a real vacation this year, I think writing my book is going to be just as cool since I get to hang out with my imaginary people.

Photography wise....I'm 5 away from doing exclusively themed cosplay/costume shoots. I have a countdown going on my facebook page. After I hit 0 there' no going back :) So psyched!
otherwise......nothing I care to tell you :P

My new shop did really well for it's first opening sale....which is great, because now I can have something creative to focus on! (as if I don't have everything else to focus on with creativity anyway!) but I like to throw my energy in ten different places, hell why not, I feel ok this week.
and if these people actually call me back for a job (like in the 'real' world (psh)) that'll be something fun to use for networking...
And I seem to be expecting something lately, like an audition for something cool that I will be drawn to and will have to try to attempt that as well....but it hasn't come yet (thankfully!) but it's been on my mind...and this is where it gets hairy because of that synchronicity and visualization stuff that does work....hmm

and I will probably be in the market for a really good laptop soon.....since this computer (my really awesome good one that hasn't died on me yet and can run all my programs at once) is being hijacked by the kids so they can play minecraft.....too often lately....hmmm.

whatever...I'm off to go to work and sew up some Cinderella's and finish watching Shark tank and whatever else comes on tonight. and get a cup of coffee. I think I'll write you a story later :)

goodbye chippery feathers of puffer fish dandelions and coyotes.

we're on each other's team......but you've voted me out.

So...hello again.
Making this quick (we hope).
I'm rather not fond of this blog anymore and probably will avoid it for quite some time from here on out, or at least until I feel like it is doing more something...than...well, nothing.

Today is an odd day. I'm stuck again between that idea of all powerful 'I can do anything' attitude, and that rather sucky 'I am worthless' attitude. I'm contemplating doing some things that may or may not be risky....and frankly, I don't care. Things like unfriending 95% of my facebook friends who really are not friends...well....I have maybe 2 friends really, the rest (4.98%) are family. And I'm rather forced to keep them...maybe just the ones I actually know (a.k.a. I recognize their name and how they are connected)
Also things like getting a tattoo, cutting my hair, or random things like painting my toenails which is useless since I always wear shoes.
The world is driving me crazy and I have no one to take away the pooling flow of chaos.

Plan on cleaning this sewing room tonight and vacuum too. Then finishing a t-shirt because it is already 95% finished anyway, maybe prepping other things so when I actually get back home from vacation they'll be ready. Not that I'm not home already, but I don't feel guilty for doing nothing majorly productive work-wise the past 5 days. I think I will edit some cowboy pictures too....which I keep forgetting about :P
I will probably read a book I got yesterday too :) and get some straps hot glued to a pair of wings.
Tomorrow I need to water the garden in back and the flowers in front and who knows what else.

I think I will give up on everything too....business-wise, because I can't do it by myself and I need help and no one cares to help...so I guess I won't care either. I'll be like the rest of you who don't care and we can all not care together.
Or I can go and do a bunch of the hard work that I can do and then give up later because I can't do everything. So screw it.
This is what you have driven me to. I hope you are proud. We can all be worthless together.

Or I can sit around and wait for that wonderful moment of divine aspiration and watch things happen for me....but no. The boss man is out on vacation or something, doing whatever it is he does, while I'm whining here in the desert. I'm such a spoiled brat. Not sure why he puts up with me and I'm not sure why I keep acting this way when I know he's freaking busy getting some awesomeness prepared just for me...ugh. I hate waiting and I hate not remembering that I'm just a child and totally have a right to throw a fit.

I have a kitty on my lap. And he is so much cooler than you. Thank you all for your support....not. >:[



So there's this memory I have....and I can't seem to find them. But I know they will come for me. They'll find their way back. And maybe...maybe they will remember who they are...who I am. Because I can't forget. Wake up wake up....perhaps they're still sleeping. Wake up wake up. I miss them. I miss them all. Find me. Carry me up above the clouds and we can all dance in the sky together. Where are you.....I'm in the desert, come find me. The sands scour and the sun burns and memory doesn't fade when it holds onto that love....and I walk in this sea of endless stars....without you.

Growing flowers to give to your love.

I find it rather challenging. This task. This task of pouring out gold like there's no end. This struggle to locate every word hidden beneath the unending strain of humanness. There are words that do not fulfill the needs of the heart. The soul finds they lack and are not strengthened as they would be had it spoken them itself. Where are the words?
Today was Easter. Tomorrow is Monday. Here we are caught in the midst. And where are we? Caught between where we've been and where we are going. Caught between home and home.... The place we come from, the land of honey and sunshine, with a river that runs through it. Trees, and the Gardener. There is a grand city there. They say the streets were paved with gold...but oh, gold is wisdom, and the streets in color appear as an opal glass. The angles stand proud and tall. Taller than our weaknesses. And they stand with a spear. Not to fight, not for war, but as a symbol of triumph. The arrow pointing to the sky above.
The place we come from....this is only a very small piece that lacks in many ways due to our inability to perceive it all. There's so much more. And the place we are going to...home. Where in the day we are graced with the gardener's smile. And it is always day. This never-ending dance of the stars. Never in the dark.
Yet here we are. The in-between, where we get to love madly, and stumble, and fall, and love deepy. And glimpses of home, and glimpses of seeing that we chose to be caught in the tides of presence. And we forget where we came from, and we forget where we are going....and we fear we are lost in this darkness. But the darkness is not without its stars.
Hands dip into the ocean and waves crash between the fingers, pouring out like waterfalls. Pouring pouring. Trying to take hold of understanding. Trying to take hold of what is much more than our hands can attain. So we dive, crashing into the sea, swallowed up and sinking, yet there's more water than we can drown in.
We flung ourselves off the cliffsides and sank deep into the abyss, we've soared across the galaxies and blazed grand like a sun. We've danced, we've sang, we've cried, and fought, and gave in, and gave up, and still we can not hold all that there is. Still we can not see or hear or feel all that is. Except....except in one name.
If there be anything that contains everything, that is all....that is completion and beginnings and life without time and time without ends, and every aspect of love....the light, the night, the stars, the wind, the flashes of lightning, the thunders, the tears, the embracing and smiles, the fullness....the wholeness of all....if there be anything that is everything we know....and everything we've yet discovered...it will lie upon the face of the Lord.
And you can forget about your religion, and you can forget about your opinions, and your ideas of good or bad, and you can forget about what fear was, or anger, or hate, or confusion....these things can not exist when He looks upon you.....and let me tell you, you may not even remember what those things are.....you will only know that He is all. Every truth, every spark of light, every idea, every vibration, every wavelength, every being....and the source of every image of love.
And He will smile upon you. He will hold out His arms wide, and you will know nothing else but peace. And He will raise you high and there will be nothing else outside of Him. He is all. And He has you too.

Today was Easter...and it doesn't matter which day you write a love letter. And if you can remember.....you can go out and visit the gardener and see the garden. The sun is shining, the honey is pouring out, and the river flows across the land. Trees bloom......

Invitation to another world

I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map....And knew that somehow I could find my way back.
Then I heard your heartbeating, you were in the darkness too......So I stayed in the darkness with you.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out.....You left me in the dark.
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight.....In the shadow of your heart.

The other morning.... a gift came to my door. Mind you it was rather early...early to me...and I was in fact in bed. So the doorbell rang, and my body immediately responded....jumping into action like 'oh, doorbell!' and my mind was like 'aaaahhhhhhh someone's going to die!'...and grumbling I got up to answer the door.
A black man...with glasses hands me a flyer thing....and says he's from so and so church and they are having some special Easter service thing-a-ma-jig...the messenger isn't the point....so long as you got the message. So I got this flyer, yeah, whatever, said thank you all nice like, cause he was nice and he did apologize in case he woke me up....close door, walk into kitchen...happen to read said flyer...well, close it back (it was folded like a card) and on the front...there it is...the gift.
And just for some pretense...I'm rather blunt with the boss man...and sometimes I feel like I scare him away, and he doesn't much pay attention to little ol me and my immature antics cause I'm still learning and I'm hard headed. And I'm impatient....though I try not to be...but I really can't help it. Once you've had a piece of heaven it is really freaking hard to pretend like you can wait to get another piece. Well...anyway....there's this journey I'm working on and I've been waiting for this particular item for quite some time now. Might not seem like a long time in the path to eternity and all...but I had almost either forgotten about it, or thought it was just another 'thought' that wouldn't come to pass in reality.
Well....I got it that morning...and once I read it, there was that odd silence in your head where you feel that tinge of epiphany and coincidence and can't do anything to hold that creeping smile from invading your lips. Ooooh, yes, that feeling like you really aren't living in your head, because you are holding it in the flesh, in your hand, and again you remember what really matters and what's really real, even if you're the only one that thinks so.
"You Are Invited" and that was all I needed.

I'm trying not to consider that the date on it was for the 14th. (Monday) cause that just happens to be the day before that other day.... which you could educated yourself about if you watched youtube videos and such...not that all those are true, but entertaining nonetheless.
I'm rather happy because of this said occurrence, and there's probably a few more thing-a-ma-jigs I've been awaiting, but sometimes I have really cool days.

In other news....work is totally sucking. I'm far behind and I go into these internal debates of whether or not my mental well being is at stake and whether it really is important whether or not I do a certain task now or later. Either way I win.... I'm not sure what I'm debating. Things get done eventually. Bummed that there's just a lot of things. Vacation coming up soon. So I keep telling myself anyway.

There's been a very odd vibration happening lately and I don't think I like it. Unsettling it is. Not the bad feeling stuff, but the unsettling kind...the kind that means occurrences in life similar to earthquakes, eruptions, and thunderstorms on a worldly scale.... like in your life, not on earth...unless you consider yourself earth..... ... yeah, I'm confusaling you. sorry.
Looks like we'll be in for a very turbulent ride for a bit. And this will be okay. Should be fun.
Like 'stopping by a music store and spending 300 dollars just because' kinda of fun. Or buying a part for something only to realize you need the more expensive part instead...just after you go to that music store kind of fun. Or having a kitten sniff your armpit like it is catnip and laugh because its funny and then he bites you there too kind of fun. ...oh there's so many more types of fun out there. I'm excited. Not because I like the frustration....but I do like the challenge. And you can't get to the boss man at the end of the game unless you complete each level. Of course, this particular boss man doesn't need defeated.....you do. It is ourselves we need to conquer. Our own frustrations, our own fears, doubts, illusions....and lies. Conquering ourselves in order to remember what we really are. And this is why thunderstorms are exciting, and why earthquakes are amazing, and eruptions are spectacular displays. Because we are such displays, we are these things....and what is a starry sky without a comet, or a song without vibration, or color without light. Let us be joyous in our trials.


Ugh, sorry, didn't mean to sound all blah blah fancy talkish. Too poetic I suppose. Anyway, watch for your invitation, make sure it's signed, and I'll see you at the banquet, I'll be by the fruit...or wherever the boss man is.

Later tators of green pickled strawberry patched kids., going to bed, and tomorrow I'm going to sew and play with this new thing we got from the music store.

'The keys to the back door can be found in the earth'....no idea what that supposed to mean.

We are so broken. Shards of colored glass, with our jagged sharp edges and harsh corners. We cut, we slash, we find our way through the mess but leave a bloodbath where our footsteps have been. Us, the broken and shattered...and who will put us together again?
Stained. Red with blood, green with envy, like christmas. Who puts us together and hangs us upon a wall and calls us a beautiful stain-glass window?
Reflecting the light....reflecting, being transparent perhaps...but the light that travels through is also as broken as we are. Why do we block out so much of the light...and only a tint of it gets through?
We are one. One welded together in a frame, all of us broken pieces. Yet divided one from another. Who is it that could make us whole?
Like a coloring book, where every part is divided by a big black line....a big black line....and even if we are colored in, the picture gets colored, but we are still alone. Where are the black lines that divide our hands from our world? That divide us from one another? That divide us from something larger?
Is there any at all? Yet, we are divided.

Our front doors are locked, barricaded, masked, hidden, and covered....we don't want anyone to come in. What are we guarding that is so important? Why must we live alone?....
And the back door? Mysterious. How do we find the key? We leave it available, but with only a small lock....where is the key? There must be a way in. A way to reach them, to reach ourselves, to reach others.
Help me find the key....we are running out of time.


B U S Y. and I'm not liking that word very much. This whole week will require undivided attention. And the glass maker is going to have to meld us together because being stain-glass isn't working out, no matter how nice it looks. Let's just take the windows out and tear down the house while we are at it. I'd rather be outside where there are no doors, and there's only the gardener, and garden, and the flowers, and the stream.
I could post a list of what my days will most likely look like....but no, it doesn't matter. What gets done will get done, and what doesn't, doesn't. I'll do the best I can.

I could post a list of plans for the future....but even those tend to change from one to the other depending on the circumstances. I guess it depends if I feel bad that day.
ah yes...always at the mercy of the flesh. Just can't keep up with my aspirations.

Anyway...yada yada... Be sure to stay away from dairy (cheese, milk, maybe eggs too...) for the next few weeks. My youtube girl is predicting stuff. and well, I believe her...dairy is evil.
Think I'll go gather some biophotons today and hang out with some geomagnetic electrical grounding currents.

you say it best....when you say nothing at all

It was frazzled and frayed out like it was cast through a whirlwind, tiny fibers sprawling every which way. Nothing calm in it's demeanor or appearance. There it lay on the side of the road in the rather littered grass. A feather, whitish gray with a darker tip. This poor frayed feather that seemed to be screaming, that seemed to be twisted from a chaotic experience.
A gift. A gift just so happening to resemble the frazzled mess I found myself in. I do love how He sends these gifts, and knew right away how grateful I was that He still remembers me, not that He forgets...but that I often do.
I picked it up and smoothed out the frayed feathery fibers. It took shape, from a tattered mess back into a rather beautiful feather. Smooth edges and able to carry the wind....able to fly. A beautiful feather full of peace once again, serene and calm. A feathered that reminded me of how we are. Sometimes challenged to the point where we find ourselves on the side of the road in a tattered mess with more questions than answers and more prone to see our frustrations rather than our blessings. But us....us who are repairable back to perfection, us who can take His hand, His gift, His love, and smooth out our own rough edges....find ourselves in that peace once again, serene and calm. Able to be carried by the wind....able to fly.

And these are the moments I get to have. We all could have if we just see. Gifts to carry us through everything. Everything.

Can't stay long as it is already late and still a dress needs finished to ship out tomorrow. But I had to make time for the story. The story of my day which really wasn't much of anything compared to one little feather. And how our lives aren't much of anything compared to Him. I'm such a sap sometimes....and I don't always make sense and I often don't designate names, and I often talk on thoughts based on numerous theologies and non theologies and science, and the future, and the present, and the stars, and the rivers, and those I call my very good friend, Mr. OMG INCREDIBLE, Batman, The Joker, Mr. Clean....and numerous others I can't recall right now. And really though, none of that really matters when you get humbled by a feather and you remember how awesome this life is. And the chaos....bless the chaos, because you'll never get to see the gifts without looking down every now and then.

Must go....will write again soon. No weird dreams unless you count a little boy who was a ghost and like to scare the crap out of me in my dream, wolverine, a lady who kept throwing up green stuff (like projectile vomiting! It was so gross)...other than that, I got nothing dreamwise. Lots and lots and lots of work to do, a few things to take care of this week, and trying to remember to work on that manifestation again...I slacked off and well...so did that stuff I was working on manifesting...ugh. And more work. Trying to hold out until my vacation in May. <--- new biz improvement right there...see I got something done! :)