Boundless... Eternal... Infinite...

Day 82 of 100 of WTFIW....F

this keyboard is dying...
and tends to skip the space bar until a few letters later...
so if this appears to be a huge mess of typos, it is not my fault.
There's also some weird tendency for it to double letters as well.
I already had to go back and fix a word.
to be real... this whole computer is dying...
it was top of the line about eight years ago.
The monitor isn't that old though.... it works fine...
The mouse is from somewhere else.
The side isn't even on the modem...
and sometimes the usb doesn't work.
sometimes the card reader doesn't work either.
the keyboard is missing a few buttons...
but that's Butter's fault.
the old mouse having to be replaced is his fault too.
he likes the rolly thing...crunch crunch.
and the fact he can get his beak under the mouse buttons and rip them upwards.
...just like the keyboard keys...

I had a run-in with colors last night.... from around 9-2am
body is trying to catch up, but seems it's completely wiped out
So yeah... 5 paintings in 5 hours or so....

There was also a run-in of a trigger I needed.
One that is catapulting me to another level....
I don't even know what is coming my way...
But even as I recuperate from last night's art fest....
and from the heartbreak...
I know some huge doorway has opened.

and even as I watch how much one part of me cringes...
wanting to flee, to fight, to die, to cling, to understand...
I will stay and stand and be in this space.
Because everything must kneel when we rise.

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Truth of the day:
      ~ You (everything) are (is) worthy. Infinitely, eternally, boundless. ~

But...
you are only worth equal to that which you find worthy.

remember...
"I can only give you what you give yourself first."

The Universe can only give you what you allow yourself to receive.

Hold this for a bit... see what it tells you.
See how it feels.
Carry it.

my gift to you is more than just the message...

the Law of Polarity... everything being part of the whole.. the one...
separated not in substance, but in degree.
Your worth...your value...
not as opposites of higher and lower...
in more or less...
nay....
Infinite.
Eternal
Boundless... without bounds... without limitations...
be all of it.
receive all of it.
even that which you have deemed worthless....

Everything is value.
Everything is worthy, lest it would not exist.

I did not write a book scene in this post.

Day 80 of 100 of WTFIW....F

Ice cream... but not real ice cream...
So Delicious soy vanilla ice cream... non-gmo ;)
and Hershey's chocolate syrup...
'cause I'm balanced like that...and neither contain cow pus.

Truth of the day:
Nothing is true.

Yes, I know this was truth of the day about two weeks ago...
but you see...
it's circular, like a spiral... and here we are once again on another level..
this rising.
But now there's more.
Nothing is good or bad either. Or new, or old.
Or right, or wrong. Or hot or cold. Nor is there anything above or below.
Alas, the way the mind divides itself into two...
getting pulled apart by the gravitational torus of our electromagnetic hearts...
a biochemical dance of matter.... of cells... of atoms and electrons...
the positive and negative which also are only different degrees of the same oneness.

Like the light from the sun and the shadows it casts on the dark sides of solid matter.
But the dark and the light are never divided.
So even the falsehood and truth of everything is neither divided nor set apart.
Each like lovers, embracing one another as itself.

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 Let me tell you a story.
About the clouds, about the sea, and about you and me.

You'd think for a minute that the clouds only touched the sea with their reflections.
Skimming the water's flesh like a cloak in winter.
That the sea ever strived to reach upwards to the clouds, trying to grab hold of them.
Trying to take it's hands and pull them down.
Only when fog spanned on soft waters, did the clouds and the sea mingle gently.
Soft whispers between them in the night and in the dawn.

But their souls were united.
The sea made from the very substance which created the clouds.
The clouds made from the very substance which created the sea.
Just like you and me.
Just like you and me.

But though we try to reach each other and pull one another close...
our bodies could never carry us close enough.
Only the soul can do that.
And our flesh rages against the barriers between us.
Why can you not see me?
Why can you not hear?
...
this chaos.
This dream that maybe, somewhere, somehow, you would know you were a soul...
and not just a body...
Why do you live as a body, but not as the greater part of yourself?
Like a cloud living as a cloud...separate and at the mercy of the winds.
Like the sea living as the sea...separate and at the mercy of the earth.
You living as a body...separate and at the mercy of the world.

Be water. Be soul.
That's where you will find me.

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Bathroom remodel is underway.
The pieces will be apprehended this weekend.

There are artwork inspired images coming my way.
I have heeded the call and have purchased the canvases.
And I have the sketches ready.
These will get started whenever I am brought to tackle them.
I go by feeling.... so I do not obligate myself to myself.
It will come when it comes.
I am only available for inspired actions.
(which really seems to be a lot lately) (finally!)
for a peek....lots of gold.
it really is the theme of the year thus far.
they will be for sale, btw.
I have 5 at first and there might be another 5 after if I'm still inspired.
Then 1 special one, but it will not be for sale...unless you throw a pretty amount my way.

I have 4 fucking screenplays floating around in my head that I can't catch.
It pisses me off a bit, because I love to write.
But something is not letting me....
fuck.
I'm crying inside because I WANT to!
But evidently not enough to actually do it.
which is sad.... :(
which is great, because I love that too.
I know they will come when they come... and then I'll have 10 of them trying
to battle it out to get written right at the same time.
I know this, but it still makes me all... 'UGH!'
I have time now, waaaah!

I also have book 6 playing out scenes every night and morning.
and sometimes randomly from 1am-7am.
mind you, that I have no idea how this book starts yet....
or how it ends.....
but it's exciting to spend all this time with my favorite people...

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Want a peek into something I haven't written yet and may possibly change by the time I do write it?
Sure you do!


*** ~~
  His eyes were a deep gold and full of fury. They bored into mine, unafraid and unflinching. A growl echoed from his throat as he pulled me closer, wringing the collar of my coat tighter.
"You will never find him." I said, half as a whisper, half as a promise.
   The wind gusted and I felt his grip tighten even further. He lifted me upwards as he stood. Nothing but silence from him as a cold light rain began to fall. His dark feathered wings moved behind him and lifted outwards. He kept his eyes locked on mine as his other hand reached behind his waist. The sound of his blade slowly scraped against it's sheath. He was finished with my lack of cooperation.  ~~ ***


*swoon...
I don't even like the bad guy, but damn... he's still sounds hot when I get to write about him.
now I wanna write the book...


okay, really I have got to go...
otherworldly things are summoning me!

- be good to the fireflies and the grasshoppers, they call forth the summer and bless the night with songs of the field and a festival of lights. Here, the children frolic and laugh, while the chorus of the angels hover above the earth in everlasting glory, shining down, shining down... like stars.

fly little spark... light the night

Day 76 of 100 of WTFIW....F

It is a peeling.
Like skin from a week old sunburn.
Like the flesh of a banana that is no longer yellow.
Like the chrysalis.
Like the cocoon.
But this wouldn't be the first time.
We've done this before
but now it feels.... truer
something emerges that is not like the others.
this newness, surrounded by the same world
but not of it.
Be wary of this newcomer.
She is fire, and earth, and wind, and the rain.
She is soul...
and she will torch your land and set destruction before you.
Uproot your gardens and pour mud into your homes.
She will cast everything about and send it away.
She will drown you.
and then....
there will be the calm.
and the new earth.
and the new world.
and the new self.

and what a wonderful world it will be....

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 indeed...what kind of world would it be...
if only she would stay true...
and flow without borders..
without the rules thrown in her path...
Why do they try to contain her so?
Who do they think they are?
Who do they think she is?
Why do they scream in fear at what she calls love?
Why does this light burn their eyes?

They cannot see... what she sees....

dear ones... it will not hurt you to relinquish the control...
set her free...

like the sea...
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homework is hard this week....
it's been too long since recalling such depth
maybe only days... but it feels so far away from these eyes

it doesn't fall far from awareness that detachment is still needed
the mind wanting to decipher and define the threads that still entangle me
the body still wrenched closed, unable to open itself
the soul still staring into the darkness, knowing but not seeing...
feeling... but not wrestling with an action...
at least not until there is clarity and clearness in the action...

She knows heaven calls out to her...
"Come. Come up here. Let us show you the world from above."
"Let go. Let go."
And she's still gripping the idea that there's something that needs done...
something she needs to know, needs to see, to let go of....
but the soul knows it takes the act of 'being' to surrender and release...
and still the mind wants to know first...
always wants to know...

but the soul...
staring as it does, with the crystalline pair of dice...
swiftly silences the mind...
and nothing is left to grasp...
even the threads fade away into the dark...
and the soul rises...
rises...

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really though...
I have to go do homework.
and then eat some gmo-laced artificially colored non-organic circles
with a toucan on the box...
with organic non-gmo unsweetened, '$5 for a half gallon', almond milk.
cause I'm balanced like that.


Nothing is true. Everything is permitted

...even myself.

It's a merkabah!!! O_O

Day 69 of 100 of WTFIW....F

only 30 more days of this... ?
there's a almost infinite chance that it will go longer than 100 days.
because doing what you want...
doing what you feel...
it's a rather exceptional way to live



soooooooo.....

Truth of the day:
All pain is division.
All division is pain.

Yes, I know this was the 'truth of the day' last week sometime.
But there's more...
it seems I've been brought back to it.
Not like a u-turn, but more of a different... no... broader perspective.
Much more so.
Not just about unconditional love and acceptance for ego.
Not just about unconditional love and acceptance for your mind and thoughts.
Not just about unconditional love and acceptance for your earthly body.
But the space in the midst of these three...
The world. The earth. The situations, circumstances, occurrences, events, and happenings.
The energies that rage, and sway, and move, and rock in chaos to a whirlwind of existence.
Others. All the others. Everyone. Every physical being and thing that exists in this place.
The space of this reality. All that you see.

and also, the fourth... unconditional love and acceptance for time.
The appearance of it passing, or it being yet to come.
The past, the future.

Ego, mind, body, time....
and the space in the midst of them (the world)

All of these are you.
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Then there's the other you.
The Soul. Spirit. The Aether.
and Eternal Infinence.
and the space in the midst of them (the Universe/Heavens)

All of these are you.
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 You can choose what you like and continue on with your day.
Disregarding the other parts...
ignoring them, resisting them, fighting them....
trying to change them...
casting blame elsewhere...

but you'd be casting blame upon yourself.
fighting yourself. resisting yourself. ignoring yourself
dissecting and splitting your likes from your dislikes.
throwing half of you away...

Tell me again, which part of yourself do you hate?
Let's make it none.
Let's make it none.

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There's power and truth in changing those dislikes into likes.
An alchemic reaction and alteration...
one that can move those harsh darknesses closer to the light...
transmutation of energy
from hate to love
from unknown to known
from resistance to acceptance
from fight to friend
from ignoring (ignorance) to awareness (truth)
from there to here
from then to now

do not cast yourself aside....

I love you too much to watch you treat yourself in such a way....


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so cleaning house....
this is real work...
I guess bathroom tile, shower doors, and slat doors
were probably created by a man.
The oven too
   (although I do not clean ovens... if anyone wants it clean, they will have to do it.)
No offense to men,
but they did not take into account the effort involved with such contraptions.
not to mention the outside of the windows...
now I have tilt windows, sure it's easy to clean the glass and all....
but why make a ledge on the outside that traps dust/leaves??!
Does the word flat or open make any sense to you....?
you know, so you don't catch dust and debris and leaves and dirt...
so when it rains, it's all just washed away...
no trap, no collection agency, no effort to clean the trap out!

living room still needs some minor attention...
It's not really dirty considering I super cleaned it when I painted the walls.
Some dusting and wiping down the tv console.
maybe vacuuming the sofa out
and hanging art above my glorious piano. <3

otherwise downstairs bathroom is getting completely redone
craft room needs organized
hallway downstairs needs help of some sort...
what do you put in a hallway you only walk through???
the stairwell needs the steps cleaned, but it's getting a paint job soon too.
then there's outside, but I have plenty of time before the temps are my kind of tolerable.
and I can't really say when this momentum will suddenly end...
then I can write and meditate all day. It'll be fantastic!

off to go do homework....

Have a splendid evening among the willows and the fontaine trees of ecstasy.
May they bring you everlasting creme of liberation and empowerment.
Just be sure to tell them how wonderful they are, they like that.

We've got some work to do now....

Day 67 of 100 of WTFIW....F

So I had this dream...
   (don't you love when a sentence or probably in this case, a paragraph starts with those words?
       and I'm so going to add commentary for your enjoyment!)
This dream, it had monsters... which I never saw, but they were there.
They only come out at night though and don't like noise
kinda like that movie The Quiet Place... or maybe they did like noise... idk
doesn't matter. I never saw one or anything in this dream.
Also my mom drove a get-away car made from large pieces of lined paper taped together
after I happened upon two little kids who's mother abandoned them. One of them was named Jeezer, he was like 9mo-1. Older sister was maybe 2.5 or 3.
....
anyway, in this dream, there were trees, like a mini forest
and I was singing out the Scooby Doo theme song because it echoed through those trees.
maybe I was calling or talking to someone else, idk.
((( My subconscious brain knew the words to said theme song, which is kinda scary, because I do not like Scooby Doo. There is nothing about that cartoon, and god forbid the live action movie I would consider salvageable. )))
so...
fast forward...
picking up stamps at the post office... the next day, in real life, dream was way over...
and I only need a few, not a whole fuckton... (cause who mails shit anymore?)
so dude behind the counter says he has half books of 12, but only a few designs.
THEN he says.... "I have Scooby."
and I was like 'what?'
"Scooby" - he points to a picture of the stamp on the counter top... oh...
"Sure... I'll take Scooby."
  (because I love playing games with the Universe, duh!)

and wait... there's more..

A whole day goes by and I'm really just paranoid of seeing anything else related to Scooby Doo.
.... and THEN...
I don't know what happened or what I was thinking...
something clicked...

remember that fucking screenplay idea I mentioned before...
  the one I dubbed 'Mystery Machine'
  (I know I can't and would not use that title, but you get the connection)


So to the excitement of my writing mind, it looks like we have a volunteer!
And apparently there might be some monsters in this script that we may not ever see.


I'm guessing the lined paper get-away car was a cue to WRITE!
  (finally, it's not like I didn't want to!)
the fact it was taped together in pieces means nothing but screenplay beat card lingo to me
that's just how it works, but I use a tack board and roughly attach things together
it may end up looking like something viable eventually.... or not.
I'll let you know when the first draft is done.
Hopefully it will pan out to a full length movie and know where it wants to go...
   (not like Killian! what a little pain in the ass that was! and totally still needs edited)

hahahahahaha!!! You know I just realized that in this screenplay 'Mystery Machine', they are driving a white mini van! hahahahahahahaha! I should put lines on it! Maybe they can drive through some brush and shit and get scratched up.
I'm glad it's intended to be a comedy!

In other news.... here's a cropped screenshot...

I have no idea what that means other than it will be available to read at the festival(s).
I read through some of the other screenplays...
       ( research... yeah... research, and not a competitive bone in my body at all... O_O )
not all of them had scores, but from the ones posted that had them...
     (I'm not going to say mine was the highest for sure, that'd be totally egotistic and a bit like bragging.... and fucking awesome....)
But mine was the highest.
  (not to mention for Kid film fest selections, many of them were rather violent...)
(and truthfully I love my ego. I find it strange people want to kill theirs... :( poor babies... )
(and nothing may come of it at all, but it's totally possible something does! it's all good)
and Laser Racers was my favorite feature to write (thus far) ... not that it didn't write itself...
it's like I had a dream client and they did all the work while I just sat in.

Anyway... I'm doing other 'stuffs', but nothing important that has to be written here.
And deepness and elegant meanderings will have to wait for another day...
No soup for you!
Off to finish what I started earlier...

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will write more in the dusk of the radiant skies, where nymphs and jack-o-lanterns swim from treetop to golden sea....
be sure to supplement your quasar shrooms with double mocha chocolate sundance films.

Namaste

Day 65 of 100 of WTFIW....F

Last coat on the piano is drying.

Ideas and possibilities are looming
movements are afoot
shifting has begun to take physical form
and the aether has made her presence present in the earth
this is facinating

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silence
unless you know how to listen

Rise up. And devour the earth.

Day 62 of 100 of WTFIW....F

Truth of the day:

~ "The Children of the Gods do not beg. Nor do they doubt their desires will come to them." ~

god love a great teacher when he's called upon....
the power spoken in such a way as to bestow it upon the one who hears.

there's a course I have involved (revolved) myself with and it synchronizes with this.
and there are lessons to be had and endorsed upon this journey.
a becoming.
and conditions crumble, and limitations fall away.
remove yourself from me
God is HERE.

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piano almost finished, another coat or two of sealant.
and the keyboard cover needs painted. this = done.
then maybe I can write something!
and not get side-tracked with more art....
unless it's for $$$ that is.
I'm open for commissions.
but in truth, I'll just do whatever I feel.... soooo...
we shall see what becomes of me.
assuming I don't go all super saiyan again...
wait... that was FUN! like real FUN.
I'm totally up for that.
but now I know more.... feel more
so will it be funner?
hmmm....
anyway... book 6 is driving me up the wall....
and I don't even want to think about writing it yet.
I want to write a screenplay, but nooooooooo.....
something is not wanting me to outline it.... or even have time to start...
so.... that's fine, I'll just do nothing.
I'm okay with that.

have set intentions (even though I don't agree with that exact word usage)
which I will begin initiation of those once the piano is done.
I still have plenty of time.
but I know once I do them, big awesome shit will pour in...
so I'm really just delaying awesome happenings...
which I should not be okay with, but I weirdly am.

I think I'll get up early tomorrow.
that will shake the reins and plow the fields
it'll be devastating and riveting and extremely beautiful
and I can finish the piano....

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oh ... truth of the day....imo

Take hold.....hmmmm

"Stand up."
"Take hold."
and "Follow me."

(...the only things that were ever asked of me.  I say asked, whereas at the time, it was a command, but there was never a possibility that I wouldn't obey them, so I'm not sure if it were asked or told...)

He never asked me to believe, or have faith, or do this work or that work to earn this or that.
He never asked me to serve or wait in line or do more of this or that.
He never asked me to entertain or impress or abstain from anything.
He never asked me to be anything or go anywhere or do anything or say anything.
He never asked that I suffer or struggle or writhe in disdain or disappointment.
He ever asked that I follow or lead or give or move.
He never told me to obey or praise, or pray, or worship, or kneel.
on the contrary....
It was to stand and take the heavens by the hand and go with the universe.
...in not so many words...
and it was way deeper than that and I probably already wrote about it on this blog years ago.
there was no forcing...
there were no planning or commitments
there were no detailed directions or absolutes.
it was only me.
it was only Him.
and spirit led us.

No one asked you to beg for your desires or your needs, or your wants.
You only chose that for yourself.
No one ever asked you to chase after your desires, to force your way through the space to attain them, to hold them close to you.
You chose that for yourself.
I implore you to let yourself just receive them. As a king would give freely to his children.
There is no lack in the kingdom that would cause you to wait or work for your share.
You are already worthy to have everything the kingdom can hold.
I implore you to have confidence that all things are yours and when you set your attention on a certain one, it will have to come to you, because you are it's master.
You are royalty and everything must bow and obey. It must. It must.
You don't have to throw a tantrum or yell with anger or plead for it to come. Know it will come when you call for it. You are the summoner. The one with a voice. The commander. The source of all that is.
You don't have to think whether or not it heard you. It always hears you. Like you can hear yourself.
Don't think that you must be in this certain spot or take this certain action for it to come. Know it will obey when you call it with certainty. If there is hesitation in your voice it must hesitate as well.
If there is doubt in your words, it will doubt as well. If there is fear in your desires, it will fear as well.
Be sure. Be true. Be confident. It must be too.

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"Do I care if you juggle?"
He had asked me once while I practiced juggling some dog toy balls. He asked this after I had asked what he thought about people thinking Halloween was for the devil, lol. And He usually answers with a question...
and the answer to the answer was no.
This glorious example of creativity, learning, commitment, expression, the tasting of energies and feeling, the excitement and entertainment, the joy of pretending, the growth of someone from experience and choice. Wow...all the great things that come from Halloween...
how utterly beautiful....
and how sad that some people at that time turned away from such an honored gift to them.
if you only knew....