"I hope you feel better tomorrow." The 8 year old says while moondough fills his hands.
Smiling, eyes radiant with blessed sweetness. I hope to cling to this for as long as possible.
The other just wants to go to roller derby and play with the friends. But explaining I still don't feel well enough to the 10 year old is next to hopeless. Isn't is great to be a child. Blessed childhood...let us grasp it and hold onto it dearly.
There I found myself. prancing upon the outskirts of the wild wild forest. Skipping tauntingly to the wolves that roam in the shadows of the trees. A little lamb dancing upon the grassy field where I knew the ravaging beasts would see and would cringe. There where I knew the shepherd was just over the hill, watching the flock, as always. I pranced and danced and called out to the creatures of the wild wild forest. "Come follow me, someone great is just over the hill." I would tease them day and night, though they only wanted to prey upon me. But I still taunted them to come up over the hill nonetheless.
But once again, perhaps I tripped, perhaps I just fell ill... and I laid down on the grass..injured...sick. I called up over the hill to the shepherd...once again...
He lifted me up...again, like a child, like the little lamb...and walked me back up over the hill to where the rest of the flock grazed.
"I'm your lost lame lamb. As a lamb, you always come for me, but never place me with the flock. Why not? What's wrong with me? I'm not like them." This little lamb would ask as a child with too many questions.
"Look at them." He would say. And I would look upon the sheep that were grazing in the grass. All the adult sheep...they were quiet and had their fleece and would huddle together like a good flock. But there was something...something strange that I couldn't grasp, and I was terrified at the thought of being near them...Was it their dark faces. Their blank stares. Their paws.
Paws?? They had paws as feet, paws just like the ravaging wolves that I often toyed with from the wild wild forest. What did this mean?
He took hold of my foot, where a strong black hoof, solid as rock protruded from my limber leg....I was not like them at all.
"I would not place you among them, as you have been mine from the beginning." The shepherd said.
I wonder what this means.... I wonder if those sheep were once wolves from the wild wild forest, who made it up over the hill and saw the shepherd and decided to stay. Being transformed into a new creature...though still finding themselves walking in darkness. I wonder if there are other little lambs too...or any other real sheep for that matter. I know they must exist, but we are all separated until the time comes.
This is why I get kicked out of places, this is why I get persecuted, this is why I get accused....and still dance around tauntingly...because I am not like you. I walk upon the rock. I venture among the wolves. I smile and laugh and taunt and test and ask stupid childish questions. And He still comes for me.
And in the fog, where he remained silent for the longest time....the fog, which is the smoke from the bottomless pit...the mist, where we wait for the approaching enemy....when I ask why he was being so silent...
"So you can rest." He finally spoke after my persistent teenaged childish inquiries... "Ooooohhhh." I'm such an idiot.
So, let's talk about boring reality stuff.....I finally finished that last order that took me for freakin' ever...but now I have 3 more on my list (Lady&the Tramp/another Alice in Wonderland dress..yay/and Mulan!!) and talking to about 4 others, but they are so indecisive, so I may or may not have more depending on how long it takes them to figure out what they really want or how much they really want to spend...ugh. And I'm being outrageously generous on my costs right now, so they had better get it together before I go back to that ruthless 'you are gonna pay' because 'you are making me work' mode. And I still have 15 tops to put appliques on before May 1st! And I have to have something to list for our group launch this Thursday...oh hell. And I still feel like crap too, but the kid has piano tomorrow and I have to pick up a dress to alter and go to the store and and and and!!
But the appraisal guy came last week, so hopefully by the end of this week, we will know for sure whether we get this refi. Oh gosh, they are so slooooowww!!! I really don't like paying interest guys, come the freak on!!! And I just know they will put closing another 4 weeks out just because they can...and they seem to like to prolong things. UGH!! Killing me here!
So, I guess I had better try and force myself to get up and go accomplish something, even though I feel icky.
Be good my lovelies. Stay safe.
How do I stay with you?
By asking me to stay with you...always.
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