Sometimes its very difficult. Sometimes its hard to hear, hard to see, sometimes, even hard doesn't describe the level of difficulty. Hopeless maybe, useless, though knowing never impossible. Just yourself gets in the way, you are the problem, you are the cause of the barrier, you are the one making it difficult.
So me and a good friend of mine were chatting yesterday...and so I asked why it was so difficult for me to talk to the boss man, hard to hear, excruciatingly non-easy to even see. When I can easily talk to my friend just fine.
So he says that it is because I build walls. And I go on to argue the fact that I wouldn't build a wall to keep me from seeing Him. I wouldn't put things between me and Him so I couldn't be with Him. That would be stupid, duh.
He smiles at me..."I don't think you are building walls to protect you from Him. I mean the other way around."
So I think about that for a moment...Building walls to protect Him from me?...maybe...cause I'm the bad one, I'm the messed up one, I'm the one who isn't clean. I'm the one who could stain Him. Perhaps my friend was right.
Swallowed up in the idea that what I say to Him and how I say it are important, when in fact it is all a joke that we should behave ourselves when talking to the boss man. It should be without any care in the world. It should be with all the love, all the pain, all the anguish, all the ache, all the spirit that we have....and nothing less. Unafraid if we say it right, if we say enough, if we say anything at all. Unafraid if we stain Him with our shortcomings and failures and imperfections.
He would not judge us by those things, but only that we would give all to come to Him.
Does He listen otherwise?
This is why my friends are awesome.
Kinda like alchemy...in a way.
Anyway. I'm bummed that it hasn't been warm this week, nor really sunny. I need some vitamin D. and a nap.
Finished the other cage today and put my quails in it, hope they are okay to be outside, although I am letting them keep the heat lamp for a while longer. Still have bunches of trees that need cut up/picked up in my yard. Hope to do that this weekend....after the photoshoot and some bike riding.
Need to go thrift store hopping tomorrow to find something in particular for another photoshoot....or at the least some lacy curtains or tablecloth, lol...and a blazer....and I'm gonna need a blanket too, cause I know that water will be freezing at 9am in the morning....(yes, I am a bit overly passionate of my photoshoots, I'm warning you now)
And for future reference I ***NEED!!!*** to find someone with a super fancy black car (super new or super old) cause there's this carwash thing I must create sometime this summer if at all possible.
Lots of work to do....gotta cut some villainesses out tonight and hopefully get them prepped to sew on tomorrow...ugh, that seems like a lot! (well, it is actually!) Then a whole Star Wars dress sometimes just after that...and then so on and so forth. yay....wouldn't be so bad if my paypal account still had money in it, lol.
So besides all a bunch of nothing....I will come back later and write more, just need to break away from the puter for now and be productive....goodbye shiny pennies of coppertone.
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