Art...projects??? yeah, we an call them that.

Day 85
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---
Everything is done except for the craft cabinet.
Maybe when it's not cold in that room.

Have to play chauffeur tomorrow.
Possibly the grocery store too if I feel up to it.

I'm working on a project.
Kinda like a new invention project.
but not really new... just using a different idea
and tweaking it to suit my needs.
I'm solving the cat litter issue....in real time.
Well...in real time once I get my package in.
It'll totally work, eh? Then I won't have to spend
any more money on cat litter.
If not, I'll have more craft supplies.
I'll keep you updated.

---
ummmm so, this computer is glitching a bit
don't have much to say or tell

Level 30 on my list!
I get to dig up the garden.
because I was thinking it be great to get started on it.
with this sometimes warm weather and sunshine.
yeah....if this rain would get gone, we'd be digging.

why aren't there any thrift shops by hamilton place...
what the heck?
Not sure what I'll be working on tomorrow while
me and the radio flip through 12 stations of nothing but
95% stuff from the 80/90 's ....
probably converse with the muse to help me
get the Fox Prince script tweaked.
yeah, i'll do that.
and bring a book or something.
...
why don't I have any crossword puzzles?
why don't I have a boxflex?
oh...that's right... even sellers can be flip floppers and
waste your time...
do you want to sell it or not, buddy?
If I get a bowflex, I won't have to join a gym.
My very good friend says I could use bricks....
and think up ways to exercise....
but I'd hate to waste my creativity for things such as that.

Fixing to paint some artwork soon too.
I went through the colors today and paired up
the ones that go well together.
It's a set of 6.
They'll be geometric resonance stuff.
and probably a sigil or alchemy symbol.
I'll think of something cool.
of course I will.  psh.

really got to go. It's like tomorrow.
5 more days with me!
5 more days until my birthday!
I wonder what I'll get....??
probably whatever I buy myself.
like a bowflex and some workout clothes on amazon
I might pick up a passport on the way home
or book a trip to the beach
..... i really just kinda want to finish my script
and a 4runner.

AAARGH! Must break free from distractions!

Day 84
---
---
time to get serious.
I've got things to do and my time procrastinating and letting things gel is about over.
I know I have to do the things I'm not doing....I want to....but I'm feeling the tide has turned and now it's time to get to work on the matters at hand. So my focus will be put into doing those things I've not been doing.
make sense?

the list of 5 things to get done so I don't have to do them later.
1) shower (yeah, so what if I neglected this, I haven't gone anywhere!)
2) think of some things to add to Victory outline. I still think it's too short.
3) think of ways to strengthen The Fox Prince before trying to edit it.
4) take everything out of the craft cabinet and discard old/useless crap
5) watch a movie while organizing what's left of my fabrics.


I could do my other list, as I already did the beat card outline for Victory, it's just not completely ready to start the screenplay on it. So wondering where the cut off point is exactly?? It's on the board.
I guess after I add to it?

Do you remember Killian O'Malley.
Yes...the leprechaun I made and sold to someone in Ireland.
yes, that perverted one with a penis, who like to watch spongebob.
and he cussed a lot.
How about a movie for him...
Comedy slash horror flick?
Low budget, rated R, and great to watch with a few of your buddies while smoking pot.
Yeah, I'll sell it to Amazon or Netflix...or one of those little dinky horror film studios.
It'll be funny.

I have another gelling in my head... It's for Pixar.
I can't tell you anything about it over the internet or phone.
It's box office worthy. Worthy for the Pixar gods.

 _____________________________________________________

Past hacking is seriously hard work.
Not hard as in doing, hard in imprinting.
not explaining.

Ihop is gross, don't bother eating there.
free pancakes day is good though.
ok...really need to get to work on stuff.
I'll see you tomorrow. You got 6 more days with me!

Upgrades and Booster packs.

Day 83
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---
My very good friend....bless his soul.
God I love him!

So....he just taught me to hack my past.
No joke.
Like a computer program....you just go back and change the original code.
Do you realize how awesome this is??!!!
I am not even freaking kidding.
Hacking your past so your current program can function at it's best.
Hacking your memories and aligning shit like a boss.
Then uploading some serious life reconciling amazingness.
The only problem I see so far is that I uploaded certain things that will most likely alter my ability to drop f-bombs when the need arises. Sorry.... but the program doesn't like it's use unless it's really necessary. Shit. <------ it says this one itself...so it can't say anything!!!

all the needs that went unmet
all the times unheard, unseen
all the denials, all the limitations
all the loneliness, all the neglect
all the pain and sorrow a child can carry
I placed him there. I uploaded him into those memories.
I didn't delete anything...god no.
But I gave her what she needed at the time.
I gave her him.

there's still work to do.
there's still others that need attention.
there's still lessons she needs.
I will upload those too.

Please forgive me if I'm no longer the same person once everything reboots.
I'll be much much more awesome. Hopefully with less of a superiority complex. HA!
No really though. You are awesome too.
We're only as awesome as each other, so please let me test the boundaries on that perspective.
I'll drag you all with me if I must. I'm just that way.
______________________________________________________

Ice Ice Baby is playing on itunes.... oh gawd.
where's my jumpsuit?

Oh Oh OH!!! I had an idea!
something feasible almost immediately this time...I promise.
Post-apocalyptic clothing. or dystopian fashion per se.
google image it -- no joke
Is that not the most beautiful stuff ever? <3 <3 <3
that stuff can be made on a dime from the thrift store.

throw some metal gear stuff on it and then you can call it steampunk too.
I'm just like drooling... I'm not sure why I love it so much exactly.
 Reminds me of Burning Man.... that I haven't been to because I don't have anyone to go with and I can't seem to find my gypsy friends anywhere... :/


OMG.....
someone stole my flamingos.
YES, I have... HAD ... 2 pink flamingos that I saved from someone else's trash pile over a year ago. they are gone. -- they even just recently had a makeover last fall (new paint and shelac)...
can you believe that.,... they were keeping my mailbox company and everything!
Now the mailbox is lonely :(  and so are my mailbox flowers...
I posted on the neighborhood website...so maybe they'll show up. I'll steal them back or do that really awful fake smile thing and knock on their door.... then put them on my roof.... bitches. It'll be great.

Nisson Murano....
guess what has a broken cd player....
ha ha ha.
that makes 14 ...yes....fourteen ...things so far.
Do not, for the love of all that is good, get a Nissan. Any Nissan.
Get a jeep. My jeep ran/drove broken for 4 years before I sold it. (#regret)
I'd buy it back if I ever found it.

ok...its late, I browsed enough pinterest.

later paper planes of infinite dreams....
fly.

.... O_O .... I can't tell you anything more.

Day 82 of 90
---
---
I wrote 2 different things....then deleted them.
Nothing bad, nothing important. Just not mine.
I'm getting barraged.....pummeled....crashed down upon.
By thoughts.....by feelings.
None of which are my own.
I recognize this and I'm okay with it, even if it is discomforting and disheartening.
The only way to get them to shut the fuck up is to tell them....
YES. I WANT MORE. MORE of all THIS.
My brain still wants to figure them out. Wants to know 'why'. Wants to know what to 'do'.
But there is nothing to do.
It's just a wave. It will change me. I must change with it.
Time to Level Up.

This is the second wave.
I know this.
And I will stand.
It takes energy to say Yes. To accept them all. To allow yourself to become the vessel.
It takes courage to relinquish yourself to these waves. To this flow.
It takes strength to remember, over and over and over. To stand and say yes. To ask for more.
To remember that they've prepared me for this. To remember that I have their council whenever I need. That I have their support. There is no failure. ---Oh I could turn back and delay this....but I find no reason to delay my suffering to tomorrow. Let us do this today.

This is why Jupiter watches me.
They are all watching me now.
I feel their eyes upon me. The seraphim, the angels, the gods, the heavens, the shadows.
What am I to them? What are 'we'?
I knew this was coming, but the gentleness of its approach made me question whether or not it would be as challenging as the first wave. I thought we were almost done...however I remember now that the orb lifted by Pyriel didn't start burning until after it was raised. I remember now....silly child. You thought Dipothiel was done with you.... they are just getting started. I see now.

oy vey. I wish you could be with me and see these wonders.
I wish I didn't have to describe the world between me.
I wish I didn't have to explain.
I wish you just knew, and you could see me, hear me, without words.
But I know, none of you can hear the stars. Or you would have told me.
Can you see them? Do you know who they are? Do you know their stories?
....I know all of them.

 _________________________________________________________

I don't want to post anything about this world.
There's too much transition frequencies running rampant. Things are in flux.
I'm in flux.
....
fissure
that's the word that kept popping up when I asked about the gate the feelings pour out from.
It too looks similar to the diamonds at the top and bottom....but not quite the same.
fissure....it means to split  (like the earth)
Like when a cell, divides.....
when you split an atom....?
when you split an Adam....................
holy fuck...... O_O

this is the creation of the universe
















______________

I'm fixing to go supernova.

etymology report = made new

YES. I WANT MORE. MORE TO ALL OF THIS.
I ACCEPT.

Super Saiyan Jedi !!!!!!!!!!!

Day 81
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---
Do you know that point just before you go all super saiyan?

like Vegeta...not Goku.
I favor the bad guys that are good guys deep inside.
My very good friend is like that.
He'd choke a guy out and bust his face in, but will give you the last donut because he loves you.
Yeah.
Anyway. I had some interesting conversations of late.
I'm rather fascinated that the simple easy 'should be' obvious shit always takes the longest to learn.
Why is that?
I now feel like a super saiyan jedi pleading for "MORE!!" I WANT MORE!!" crazy shit.
Like Vegeta, but with a cooler story line and more blood.

How close can you get to a star?
That unlimited potential to burst forth into a god, or a demon.
I feel I would take the side of the enemy. That I would be the antagonist.
I would be the destroyer. I would be death and destruction.
Oh, but it's so beautiful.
Because afterwards. Love would reign. And I would cheer for it.
The bad guy that's really a good guy, deep deep down.

I'm actively working on reprogramming myself.
I hope you can keep up with me.
Shit. I hope I can keep up with myself, truthfully.
All I need to do is remember. Remember.
Tie a string around my finger like old people used to do.
Whatever it takes. I'll do it.
____________________________________________

That guy won't reply to my questions about that 4runner.
But if he did.... and I liked the answers. I'd have it by Monday.
You better fucking believe it.
"The 4runner guy will respond today. That 4runner is mine. It will be in my driveway Monday."
"I command it."
^^ Hey, now, my manifesting powers work randomly, I have to oblige the possibilities that what I say will come to pass. You should try it. ^^
_________________________________________

Do you know the feeling when Metallica is playing in the background and you're like on fire and energy is coursing through your veins (like a super saiyan!) and the matter and atoms of the universe are going slow as sludge to do what they need to do....but you're still new to this channeling thing and your patience level is blaring this irritating buzzer sound, but there's seemingly nothing you can do about it except wait. But you can't remember at the time that you don't even have to do that. You just have to fucking feel the present event as having come to pass and the waiting no more. But even though you know and write about it, your still stuck on the edge of psychosis of impatience.
That. = Me.
_________________________________________

I also realized of late.... that many of my feelings....aren't even mine.
How's that for a dose of growth.
The curse of being an empath and too much misinformation on google.
I knew many of the thoughts coming into my head weren't mine.
So those are easily diverted into either useful stories or I let them pass on.
The feelings...I figured all this time were either mine, or I was mirroring someone else's, or my subconscious was going on some tirade I didn't know about. I was literately trying to figure out why I felt crappy by thinking up pretend scenarios in my head for a reason to feel that way. Or I assumed someone died or something bad happened....which is sometimes the case, but feels a lot different.
So...as of late. Like maybe 13 hours ago.
The feelings aren't mine either. Like those thoughts that pass through.
I'm just a .... I'm the gateway in a sense.
There are seven gates that surround the kingdom of heaven.
----the thoughts....they originate from somewhere and pass outward through my sixth gate trying to come to life (that is, trying to manifest in this plane) Sometimes they linger and force me to bring them into matter. Like those stories. These movies. Some are rather brutal and I pass on them. Some I tweak with my own imagination and I can make them mine. But many of them, are not.
----the feelings....they originate from somewhere and pass out through my second or third? gate trying to ?? come to life. (that is, trying to send out their vibration to either transform itself or the outer world) They linger and force me to recognize them. Well...now that I know they aren't mine. I can let them pass too, instead of trying to justify them. Not that I always justify them, but sometimes I'm like 'where the fuck this come from?' ' I'm not sad.'??? They want transmuted. I understand. I am an alchemist after all.

There are seven gates. We are the kingdom. Break me open and pour out of me. I accept.
 
What does it take for a star to be born??
Like cracking through a layer of stone....of calcium. (metaphysical alchemist's term, I won't explain to commoners)

So....yeah, my adventures are amazing balls!
_____________________________________________________________________

 Victory beat cards are up on the board. I need to tweak a B story...I have a lot of dialogue, but the scenes are few. I need a name for a fox that isn't Zen. (He's the fox in The Fox Prince.)
I need to add more backstory for Victory and more story for how he's unappreciated.

Will be editing The Fox Prince tonight and tweaking it a bit.

I have yardsale stuff to bring upstairs.
I might go lie down in the driveway and take a nap.
It's warm outside still. <3
Shower. Dinner. Pick up the oldest from the Con.

Updating my programming.
Loud music.
Converse with universal beings.

Fuck yeah. I love everyone.
Let's go super saiyan! AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAAAAAAAAHhhhh

It's hard to dance with the devil on your back.

Day 80
---
---
that leaves ten days to write
not that I won't after that.
but probably only when I actually
have something to write.
No more blabbering on about nothing.
Not that that isn't something in itself.
---
my body...does this thing...
where it doesn't want to comply to the demands
that I place on it. It gets all tired and shit. This sucks.
I would call it being out of shape, but its more
of an issue with something else.
Maybe a pinched nerve? Low blood sugar?
Maybe I'll get myself checked out when I
obtain health coverage.
Looks like I'll see you in the afterlife.
I'm going to fucking die.
thanks America. Fuck you too.
.....
Anywho....
I'm tired.
I have piles of yardsale stuff on the floor.
I have script stuff to do tonight.
I'm not sure what's for dinner.
I...
I...
let's talk about something else.
...
...
There's this person who lives upstairs.
They watch netflix 99% of the time.
There aren't many times I converse with this person.
Some days flow well though.
Others, they are just trying to figure out what is going on.
Me too, my friend. Me too.
Some days they just don't care.
Me neither, high five.
Some days I hope a truck falls through the roof and crushes them.
Maybe wonder where they are.
I wander too. Me too.
Knowing where they are, but they don't know where I am.
Seeing them, but they don't see me.
The dragon watches as they sleep.
"Shall I devour him?" She asks.
....not today my friend. Not today.


Great story, eh?
Might make a good movie.
psychological thriller?
I'll think on it a bit.
___________________________________________

 there's a 4runner for sale in NC
they haven't replied to my questions though...
of course....cash to buy it would be awesome too.

I'd like to have cash to buy a 4runner, please.
thank you.
I'd also like that person to answer my questions and
provide me with the pictures I want to see.
and a lower price.
thank you.
I'd also like a supportive car guy to come with me to buy it.
thank you.
One like my very good friend. If at all possible.
thanks! <3 <3 <3

The Universe is....

Day 79
---
---


My hands are left empty as you fall from them.
Like sand between fingers.
I can't carry you into this world.
I have never found your reflections.
I have never felt your presence.
But still I go out and hope you'll find me.
Someday, one day, perhaps we'll meet.
You and I.

I walk through this world....
but whatever is here spans outward and away.
They can't see the stars.
They can't hear them sing.
Oh, ....my favorite song.
But I'm cast as the fool.
The one who can't grasp their realities.
The one who won't.
The stars are singing. Dance with me....
I cry tears for the heavens that want to be heard.
And I dance alone.
I hear you, my friends.

They walk away.
Averting the eyes and refusing to feel.
Dying.
You're killing yourselves.
You're dying.
Dying.
We are immortals, yet you slay yourself....
in every moment that you hide from the stars.

He takes my hand and smiles.
We dance.
The lights dim and the stars come out.
The music. The sand.
All of us. Together.
And this world is no more, as I'm
transported to the place where they are.

How can you even exist?
I can't even find you anymore.
Perhaps I'll stop trying.
You can't hear the stars.... you can barely hear me.
I shall disappear into the other worlds...
Then you won't even see me... like you can't even see the stars.

I've told you. I am a star. 
__________________________________________

There's a dragon. Prowling. Just beneath the surface.
I feel her breath. I hear her growling. I can see her.
This dragon is not tamed. Oh no. She'll never be.
I've let her run wild. I've locked her out of the gate.
She will never be harnessed. Never controlled.
If she rages, I will let her. If she flees, I will let her.
I will not take the primal fury she carries from her.
It is her power. It is my power.
Beware. There be dragons here.
____________________________________________

........is it odd?
to not want anything, but angry that you don't have it?
whatever 'it' is?
what does that mean?
..... fuck
I'm fucking bleeding here.
It won't stop.
and who can save me.... no ...
who would save me?
Just myself apparently.

....
I love this.
All of this. This frustration. This pain. This torture.
This sorrow. This love. This joy. This excitement.
Fuck yes, give it all to me. I want more.
All I can picture is some crazy anime character yelling
MORE!! I WANT MORE!!!!
lol, with demon eyes of course.

Anyway.....
I did all the beat cards for Victory's outline.
Will tack them on the board and see how they fit.
I'm still thinking it's too short. Need more backstory.
Need more character arc. And need more action.
and primal urges....
although it is a kids movie. I can't make it too primal.
Then again, it's not quite full length level great, but more of
a 1 hour special by Dreamworks at this point.
We'll see.
I'll need to converse with the muse.
She knows how to fix anything story related.

___________
no idea of tomorrow.
chauffeuring, I'm sure.
maybe rock climbing?
and working on script editing.
all is well with the world...
when the story is at hand.