Well, it didn't rain today except for the teasing sprinkle that decided it didn't want to loiter.
So that means I didn't get much sewing done. Haha...oh well.
We did have a another great school day though, but I really am not liking the Beka science readers....boring and dramatic and not enough literal facts...more like saying you were made perfect that's why you can see, instead of you can see because you have eyes and here's how they work...I find myself having to collect education before going through the chapter so the kids can get a real education instead of being sheltered and told that "that's just the way it is".
Dumb. But I think it's a great way to actually educate yourself while you're at it.
Yeah, I can feel it now, that writhing turmoil that comes from not being able to freely express what I am really thinking....because there are a few issues that people have with the way I write....lol....I find myself in the midst of laughing and ignoring them. I debate why I would try not to offend, but the only conclusion I have found as a reason to do that would be because....well, I can't say that aloud either, can I?
This goes back to a time when I was forced to spend my days in the school system....I never expressed myself then, never. Not because I was afraid or shy, but because none of them deserved to 'see' me. And the few times I did express myself (like in art class) I got scolded for doing it the wrong way (is there really a wrong way in art??!) or worse when I had finished the classwork way before the slow students and I got punished for drawing and was told to do more work... (which I didn't do, I totally wrote a short story, which I still have so I would look busy)
So now I find myself in a predicament to where I can please others and convert (pervert) myself to their happy happy land with lollipops and rainbows and all good things, or I can not. I can pretend I see things the same way I was manipulated into believing growing up in society, or I can just be who I am, which is the way God made me.....to fall back on those certain experiences that revealed truth to me....and I am not sorry to say that those experiences are worth more than any flap happy crap you read in any book, and I can never brush them off like they were nothing more than a speck of sand.
If those moments were all that was left, it would be all I needed.
I can't help it that some others so easily play into the standards. That they think that everything they are told is truth. That they will easily bend into the box the world offers them. I'm sorry you cannot see what I have. I would hope for you all to, just to see, but I didn;t bring a camcorder with me, and I rarely ever think about recording prayers so you can see them answered, so I guess unless you are speaking with the big man Himself and He's speaking back, you will never know until you let go of all the crap you keep filling your minds with.
Are you going to bury yourself with those bricks?
Try to build a stairway to heaven maybe?
Is your heaven up? or forward? or within? Mine's in me and in you.....but unfortunately I never get to see yours because you hide it behind your wall. And you mumble little tidbits of stuff, but no one can hear you, and you gripe about things, but never do anything about them.
Are you afraid of what might come out? that's natural, but is it the fear of what's in you or the fear of being unaccepted either by others or by God? Either way it is fear.....and where there is fear, there is no peace and there is no true love.
Will you be forsaken or unforgiven? Will He take back everything he gave(gives) you because you have feelings, because you have a voice...Not at all....He'll only help you use them to His glory.....but what do I know, I'm only a random citizen that writes things you can't understand.
But on the other side of the equation, there are people who are moving on to better things and see the things that are false...I wish them all well on their journey...we all have to grow in love, but it's sad that some never step foot outside their brick castles, so they complain and judge.
Yeah, I complain too sometimes, but I'll get over it. And I find it very difficult to judge, because what they are today will not be what they are tomorrow....That's why even though I used to hate tomatoes, I love them now, and even though I used to hate certain bands, I like them now....lol. And even though I used to love sewing, I am on the fence now.
So I just love everyone now, because eventually I will have to later ;)
Oh, let's do a quote of the day!!
"Your eyes, let them be my eyes.
Your hands, let them be my hands.
Your lips, let them be my lips.
And your heart, let it also be mine.
See what I see.
Do what I do.
Speak what I speak.
And above all, love what I love.
~Jesus~
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