I tried really hard to be nice...

So this week can just go to hell with the dumbasses who make it seem that way.
yes, I'm still pissed. and yes, it will show in this stupid blog post. yes, I probably will use 'bad' words...but so far I didn't start it like I would have if I had wrote it last night instead of this morning....so count your blessings...if that's even possible.
I frankly could not count mine...too many, like the stars...and only numbered when you try to put a definite barrier around them...mine are everlasting and continuous...I'm sorry if you can count yours...but don;t forget to include those hot showers and oh yeah, the breaths you can take without struggling...and coffee..yeah coffee is good, it makes me nicer, lol. So yes, you are blessed that I haven't written any bad words thus far.....unless you count dumbasses as a bad word? I really don;t give a ...crap.

So....I am so close to just dropping every damn thing in my life except my family and moving far far away and away from every known person that exists. Even the ones I love, or like, or find entertaining.
I have this built in mind set that if you don't accept all of us, then you shall have none of us...kinda thing going on...and it makes me utterly distraught to deny any of us....because of what I suppose is old-fashioned stuff that no one understands. I don't know....
See I myself am used to being thrust out and denied (like the cornerstone, yay for education!) and I think it's fascinating to see the downfall of humanity from a different perspective. I find it a beautiful thing to watch mankind lose itself......and then one day it will comeback and repent and that will be even greater...but beside the point...when you oust one of my own...I kinda get in that mindset again...that you don't deserve me then...and you don't deserve my family either....and you don't deserve my time, attention, love, understanding, or forgiveness either. You don't deserve any of what we have....
so perhaps I'll just leave.

I wonder if God thinks of us that way too...that you denied His son and he hates you....
You know, I have experienced the feeling of someone unaccepting of my son...and it is a hard thing to get over...and I'm still working on it. But believe me....God has every right to wipe out your life and throw you in the pit...and you damn well deserve it.

Anyway....I'm too forgiving today because I am blessed that I don;t have to deal with everyday people on a regular basis....so right now I am just watching and waiting it out....if it passes great...if it doesn't great....I will leave...you never wanted me anyway. Like I said...it's all or none..

I'm glad God is watching and waiting too.....because otherwise we'd all be screwed.

just my two cents...or 12 cents...I'm still pissed....so disregard any bad words ( I actually went and erased some like a wuss)...because you can't handle them....what do you want me to say? I am so upset I could cry...whaa, people are so unfair and rude...boo hoo....I want my momma and a bottle of milk.....
shit...not gonna happen here...I eat meat...with A1 sauce...and unfortunately for you I eat with my fingers.....sorry, I'm not civilized yet to use forks and knives....I might stab you or myself. (and that means..that I'm not civilized enough to care about what I say to the point I don't say bad words or make you form the wrong impressions.)

So...anyway....that was my rant for this morning...even though I left out that I accidentally woke hubby up late this morning for work...perfect effing week so far, yes?
You know, we could sell the house and move far far away to somewhere warm... sell all this crap and just leave... no one wants us here anyway.

sorry..depressed me talking there...I'll try to behave...
you know...sometimes I just want a hug. Sometimes I just want...*sigh...look see, I can't share everything....be He knows and that's all that matters.

I'm going to go sew and get some of these orders finished...then maybe I will have time to reorganize schoolwork for the kids. Last custom orders will be this weekend...I can make it...I can make it...ugh. I just want to paint something and play with my keyboard... and clean house...lol....yes really. But work takes up so much time during holiday orders....and sadly I have no money to show for it, as what I make we use for gas and groceries...I hate being poor...though it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have bills to go along with that.

and I hate Christmas too. I hate the tacky decorations, I hate buying stuff we don't need, I hate the bell ringers in front of the stores, I hate the mindless consumerism, I hate that on the angel trees there are kids asking for ps3 games...wtf, I don't even have a ps3! or they want an ipad or something I can't afford for myself...ugh, really?! So much for Christmas....and I hate that people say to keep Christ in Christmas too...because for one, Christmas was originally a pagan holiday (which is just fine, btw) but they changed it to a christian holiday so they could keep their party..and by the way trees are pagan too...but I like pagans and christians so I really don;t care. But Jesus wasn't born in December either, so go have your fakey consumerism holiday and stop ringing those annoying bells...
and tell me why on earth people all of a sudden care about others during this season than any other day of the year? what, do they not notice people go without things until december...bullshit...where were you in January or April, or October? c'mon...stop being stupid. Helping people who really need help is great and all, but you still denied them up until now....ugh.

and people asking for ps3 games and ipads are not needing help evidently.
sorry I just hate fake people...and even if I was beyond rich I wouldn't buy them ps3 games...I would teach them to make things to earn their own money...or start a new business to provide for the community...something other than just providing for them...cause next year they are going to want a ps4 or a droid x with service...because people buy them a bunch of useless shit and teach them that living off the government and people's good will will get you free shit and make people feel sorry for you....boohoo. and so now the people will have to provide for them all the days of their lives because you taught them how to do it....grrr

Once when I was a kid, we were poor...and the school dropped off a box of toys for our family...but even though they left it on our porch, the neighbors stole it and they got all the stuff... so the school brought in some food and some leftover stuff to give us instead....it was kinda weird. Anyway....I could've really used some books and some gloves back then, maybe a pack of markers or something...not toys. just saying...of course if you asked me then I would've wanted cool toys, but you know what I mean...lol

So...what else, considering I wrote too much already?
I hope my yudu stuff comes in the mail today. Though I really don;t need something else to help me procrastinate doing sewing work.


look at that....I get distracted and come back about 45 minutes later to this stupid blog post I haven't finished...lol
see how nothing gets done around here...sigh.