oh my.....I'm here at the last stand facing the compiled list of orders....oh my....when it seems like its not so bad or too much I realize that many on the list reads 'sets'...in turn that means instead of 1 item, that means 2...oh yay.
Did I mention that I hate sewing and realize that spending the last 2 months doing it non stop (except for 5 days over Thanksgiving) was detrimental. So much neglected, like house cleaning, and time to spend doing more joyful expenditures. The schoolwork managed to stay afloat, although I can attest that it was not nearly as much as it should have been...we will catch up though.
Now, I am thinking that I can just refuse to do it all and refund people's money...but nope, it's already spent...shit.
The question is how on earth to prevent feeling like this ever again.... hmmm....still working on that one. Bad thing is I've been trying to figure it out that last 2 or 3 years and still have gotten nowhere. Okay, maybe a little further, but no, not much by my standards. I always keep going back to the fact that we kinda need the money, which utterly sucks. Poor=SUCKS!
Anyway, I am kinda really looking forward to cleaning house and playing games with my kids, and watching tv and playing video games, and creating things other than what's already been ordered. And messing around with the musical instruments I have just waiting for some time. And writing in my book....which I did work on bit by bit, but everyday would be great to have time to do. After all....it's on my 'top 5 most important things in my life' list. You'd think I wouldn't neglect those top 5 and do something that was on my 'top 5 worst things in my life'...but hell, I did (do) and unfortunately I do not know how to break free.
......you know what, I read something maybe last week about how we don't need to get caught up in the 'shoulds', like not shoulding yourself...for instance. I should be working instead of blogging. I should get more school done, I should do the laundry....when in the end....what I am doing now is the only thing that matters...yeah, living in the now.
Makes me think of ElfQuest (great comic book series btw!) funny how I've read almost every single one starting at like age 8 or so and the idea of living in the now just now only makes real sense. And that's how it needs to be. Not should be....as it is our choice to make it alive in the present and not even giving it our future by saying it should be tomorrow...when now is all we have.
......
I'm going to go change my present....I want to thank myself for giving me that most awesome pep talk just now, and I want to thank Wendy and Richard Pini for the ElfQuest comic books and the fact that Strongbow is the most awesomest elf ever and I totally look up to him and I'm gonna go take his advice.
Oh, and thank my brother for having those books available when I was little, and for letting me keep them. And Jesus too, naturally. ;)
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