"Where are you going?"
I smile, unsure what to say..."Forward."
"What is there?"
"Only more of what is already here, but with a different perspective." I shrug.
"What will you do there?"
"Perhaps nothing." I shake my head. "It depends on what is brought to me?"
"Can't it be brought to you here?"
"Of course. But I can't see it from where I'm at, at least not clearly."
"Clearly?"
"I can't see what it is or what it's worth. Right now it just looks broken, but I know it isn't. I want the full picture. The full truth. And the full experience."
"Are you afraid?"
"Not at all."
"What about the shadows? What about the darkness?"
"What about them?" I question.
"Won't they be painful?"
I laugh...."painful like giving birth! But really so worth it!" I smile.
"Oh."
Lame story....sorry, not what I came to write really. Anyway......yesterday as I was sewing (and realized I was out of serger thread) and had to stop....I noticed I was thinking of photoshoots instead of fabric or making something sewingwise.....I guess this is a good thing and all, but bad in so many other ways....
I have orders to finish for one....money to waste on fabric I need and crap I would rather save to spend on my new camera which I only have to buy once!
I know there will be other crap to deal with in photography, like lens, locations, weather, time, appointments, editing, etc, etc, etc, etc!!! and props....I like props..and what about an indoor studio....yikes!
See...issues. Just like issues with sewing...
But other than the fact that me and the embroidery machine are not buddy buddy...and my fabric stash has dwindled to only scrap pieces of ta dot prints (omg!!!I'm out!) and I don;t even give a rat's ass about any of it anymore......and I don;t have money to buy more and don;t 'WANT' to......is a major and serious issue in itself.
My prices will be going up next month. No more free shipping. No more going out of my way to make a sale....nope, I don;t want to make a sale....I want to take pictures with a fancy black box thingy with shiny circular glass and that has the words Nikon D7000 on it.
And this is what I think upon most of the day while I'm sewing (or supposed to be sewing) or when I'm browsing deviant art...or when I'm scanning through photography blogs just to see the pictures, or when I am driving and see a building with a grafittied wall....or a rusty old car...or trees....(ah locations)...I think on these things...and what you think you become....
I used to think on sewing stuff and making omg, cuteness!...but now, not so much at all.....even that Mojo Jojo set I have been dying to make for months, no longer appeals to me. I'm kinda sad that I missed the opportunity to make it with enjoyment.
Seems I have been missing many opportunities to create or do things with enjoyment....because 'other' things stole that priority away from me......namely sewing orders. Like the last 4 months I spent slaving over fabric and machines to send out a set....just to pay for gas and groceries....and now my paypal has been depleted like it was for the last 4 months.....and I'd just rather not sew anything or make any money....cause I don't care anymore.
So much for passion when you reach the top and find out you can't go higher without more money.
I find myself at the top with this business and me just letting it go and watching it fall out of existence to smash against the rocks below...
Kinda like when you throw a huge rock off a cliff, you are excited to see it clash into other rocks below....well, so do I....and what I find really cool is that I am smiling and laughing about it while it dies. LOL!
Beautiful, isn't it?
Anyway....I will not miss out on those opportunities when I have an outstanding idea ever again. Not once more.
OMG, INCREDIBLE said that He's the one who gave me those things to do with Him.
I will not pass them by. Not ever again.
He will be my priority.
Sewing orders, even if they are already paid will have to wait. And even though it's hard to admit, so will school. Not sure what I'm trying to prove other than that I do still teach math and reading to the kids....but I find myself questioning why I do it the way public school does it...really???wtf for? WHY!?
I laugh that I do stupid shit.....I'm rather embarrassed that I do it the 'normal' way....and a bit ashamed.....wtf in my life have I ever done the 'normal' way???Has anything like that ever worked out and created amazingness????!!!!the answer is no.....
Normal does not create amazing....
Amazing creates Amazing.....
We will be amazing....because Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE is Amazing.... and I'm with Him. We are with Him.....you should be too.
Okay.....more ponderings besides that fall of norm...hmmmm
Nope....fight the normal...fight the ever growing tidal wave of mediocrity....fight the conformity and mindset of the masses.....we are more than that, better than that, and have known a more beautiful existence than what they can only pretend to know.
The fog looms....it grows....its presence lingers and approaches, albeit slow, but continuous. They watch from within its confines. They watch us and plan a way to shut out our light. To hide us away from their masses, away from the eyes of those they have blinded and placed in the dark. They want to silence us and make us run from them, hide from them, to cover our faces from the likes of the soiled.....
But He pleads to you. Come out from your caves, do not shut yourself up within the mountain. Come out of her....show them who we are. Who We are. Or are you ashamed of who is in you like all the others? Ashamed to do His work...speak His words, see with His eyes....? Then you suck...go hide in your caves...ask the rocks to fall on you too while your at it....
"Gott wird nicht Sein Werk manifestiert durch Feiglinge" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We stand as One....or not at all. You are either for Him or against Him. Stand or fall....there is no kneeling in war.
There is no inbetween....no more thinking about it....no more debating, or waiting for the right answer...there's no more time left for such trivial infantile squandering. No more hoping...no more praying....NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! Become or do not Become. Hold the sword or bleed by it. Wear the armor or be trampled by it. Yell out upon the housetops...or be silenced. Stand...or fall.
*sigh/grumble/I want to smack some light into your closed mind* there is no more time left to 'think' about it.
Where are my brothers and sisters?.....
Lu'ke teh sahn. -
hahaha...no translation to that unless you read my book ;) - http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/angelofmidknight
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