day 9 and 10 and 11 homework

day 9 and 10 and 11 homework.
Day 9 was to meditate for 20 minutes.
Well, I do this often on my own anyway.
Probably did an hour this morning...sooo
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Day 10 is to list things you want to do, but don't know how.
so here it goes...
I don't know how to get my screenplays out there to be read by the people who matter.
I don't know what the next step to take is on the matter either.
I don't know how to connect with people in this household...because tv or games, or whateverthefuck is more relevant to their lives right now.
I don't know how to connect with anyone.
I don't know how to write a play.
I don't know how to edit videos.
I don't know how to get a youtube channel or post videos.
I don't know how to get a publisher
I don't know how to get an agent
I don't know how to get a manager
I don't know how to deal with all this bullshit that I love and hate at the same time.
I don't know how to recognize when I'm being too much.
I don't know how to recognize when I'm being too little.
or too quiet, or too loud.
I don't know anything about myself.
I don't know how to do anything...I just pretend to.
fake it till you make it and fake it some more...
I quit.
I don't know how to tell what my soul wants versus what my mind wants.
I don't know how to be okay with all that....even if I am okay with all that.
I love all of this.
I don't know how to be kind. or caring. or honest with you.
I don't know how to be what the world seems to be. or want. or like.
I don't know how.
and I LOVE that.
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Day 11 homework is:
Write down things you're great at or know about.
and then get more specific.

I know about screenwriting
but more specifically stories. Like the energy within them. The emotions. The twists and the depth of characters and their growth.
I know how to visualize images on a screen and how to see the portrayal of those emotions and depth.
I know how to feel the movement of events of a story and see where the waves have fallen flat.
I know how to see when a character doesn't stay true to self or when they are not speaking form their own voice.
I know when characters in movies are cliche....when stories are cliche. When the imagination of the writers/producers/actors leave the movie as good-enough.... but it's not.
I know about art and structure. But I also know not to follow it.
I know when society is being held back.
I know about energy. How it moves, why it stalls. when it's blocked and sometimes why.
I know about otherworld stuff. But it's all on my perspective.
I know about how to create things from nothing. Like crafts.... but badass.
I know how to make things look real, even if they're not.
I know how to feel the energy of a room and feng-shui stuff.
I know how to feel the energy of a person and chakra stuff.
I know about freedom. and allowing. and acceptance. and love
I know about trust. and truth.
I know things about science and metaphysical things.
I know about god and Jesus. and Buddha. and Krishna. and the Universe.
I know about mythology and astrology and astrotheology and theology and astronomy.
I know about sewing. and writing. and creating. and alchemy on a spiritual level.
I know about the darkness. and Lucifer. and angels. and merkabas  .
I know about ancient Egypt. and Tiamat. and dragons.
I know about swords and roller derby. and birds and animals in general.
I know about painting and colors....even if I don't follow their rules on how to use them.

I'm great at sewing. I'm great at writing.
I'm great at feeling. oh...feeling too much.
I'm great at being invisible. I'm great at hiding and disappearing.
I'm great at getting what I want and manifesting.
I'm great at hustling when I need to.
I'm great at saying 'fuck it' when I need to.
I'm great at not listening to myself and not listening to others.
I'm great at finding ways to not do it the 'correct' way.
I'm great at rebellion. and getting by unnoticed.
I'm great at pissing people off or making them happy.
I'm great at not showing emotion.
I'm great at being there...but also not 'being' there.
I'm great at multi-tasking.
I'm great at researching.
I'm great at finding answers or guidance when I need it.
I'm great at getting out of a jam...or getting into one.
I'm also great at switching my ideals on a dime.
and I'm great at purging everything I am in the blink of an eye.
Fuck yeah! I'm a badass super saiyan jedi!

to be specific....
I'm not here to do anything for anyone.
I'll do as I please for my self.
I'll be as I please for my self.
I am my self.
I am who I am.
and I am enough.