Today I sewed up a very cute princess dress with layers of ruffles and 4 princesses on the front.....
I did, yep, I sure did....but I'm a bit sad...because I didn't actually enjoy it. Nope, not really...
See, I didn't loathe it like I do with orders (mainly because I kept telling myself, I don't have to do this at all!) and not to mention I got it all done before dinner, and it turned out cute enough and it wasn't as hard as I remembered those types of dresses being....
But...I didn't enjoy it....and I don;t want to waste my time with things I don't enjoy....
I could have gotten something more pressing done because it's actually important, or I could have just took a nap.
I was also thinking that maybe I could get paid for it right away and my paypal would have some sort of $$ in it so we can pay for gas this week. too...but of course, the world is out to get me and the buyer is waiting until Friday.
Which is fine I guess...not awesome, but whatever. I am patient...enough.
I can't tell you how awfully sick I am of just fine or whatever....I want FUCKING AWESOME!!!! Is that so much to ask every now and then?
I know I'm probably one of the least deserving people on the planet, and that's fine and all....but shit. Can't I get a break. Hell far...what's bad is if I wasn't broke as shit, I'd be doing things for other people...but now I am starting to think that I should just give up and turn into an evil greedy person, so's at least I can enjoy a tiny piece of my labors....
Everyone else does.
And then I also start thinking...things like how they say 'you know who' is all you need....well, that's crap too. Yeah, you get that great foundation, but the issue is that He wants you to build on it...and unfortunately He doesn't give blueprints, provide the construction crew, materials, or funds, to do such endeavors. Which sucks. When you ask what He wants, He shrugs and smiles....ugh....why is He so difficult....just like a guy.
Anyway....so even though whatever you build will stand, the fact remains that you yourself will change and you can tear down and rebuild anytime you damn well please and that foundation will always be there to hold you up.
The hard part is knowing what you want to build....and then wanting to build it.
I built things before....but I must be honest....tearing them down is way more fun than building them, no matter how long they took....
Like a sand castle....you spend all sun scorched day building and moistening and carving out windows and doors and turrets....and when you are finished, you get a pic and then the inspiration hits to pretend to be King Kong or Godzilla or a deranged giant and you and the kids smash it to smithereens.....and you have more fun than building it... so after hours of labor.....the last 30 seconds were the greatest....
Yeah...good times.
hahahahaha!!!! I just thought of something....but shoot me if you think it's way too religious (I despise religion, get over it) ...anyway....I wonder if that's the way it is until Jesus comes back. You know...working your ass off for nothing, but then afterwards you find out it never mattered, but you get to have a party anyway.
Assuming you believe that. I don;t care what you believe...and I'm too contradictory to share what I believe.....because believing is one big fat joke....and the whole world fell for it. ...I get to sit here laughing at it...although it's no funner than falling for it, so I guess we are both screwed.
and the only cure is re releasing it all and starting over....but even that holds no joy except for being able to breath better until the next time you rely on your own thinking again.
As you can probably tell by now, I'm a bit irritated and sad and happy and passive tonight. I am sure it is quite confusing since I'm rambling about nothing in particular...
In the short version....I want to quit sewing. I want to take pictures, but I don;t have my Nikon D7000 and I don;t have clients. I don;t even want to talk to people sometimes, lol....I swear I am losing it thinking I could be a people person. oh, and I don;t want to have to drive somewhere to do a photoshoot all the time. I have kids, I have a long way to drive to get anywhere too. and I am poor. I guess I am screwed.
Now, back to being AWESOME....you know what...I just want to be wanted....everything else can go screw itself.
Want something happy? Me too, please share.
Oh wait....my piece o'crap kodak camera is not dead yet, which is good. Target has a guitar on sale for $33, which is good...oh wait...I want my camera to die and I really don;t need a guitar....damn it...
Happy....hmmm???? Lol... I know...today hubby acknowledged my adopted brothers.....even though they really aren't and I never met them... :) that makes me happy, that I can adopt pretend family members....and now my insanity has been acknowledged and therefore it MUST be true!!!
Yay!!
Funny though that I have a handful of adopted uncles and brothers, but no girls...lol, unless you count derby sisters, but I know them, lol. Oh wait, I'm adopting 9Nania from youtube, because she's a nut like me. I think that's all...so far.
I think I might go to bed early...or go write a bit in my book since I'm almost done with chapter 14. Though I am afraid book 2 just might end at like chapter 20 instead of the hopeful 30...hmmm, oh well. Can't mess up the story line now that it's already been embedded in my brain...and so has parts of book 3, lol. No putting things in as fillers...because the more I get written out the more room I have in my head...and its getting quite stuffy in here.
Tomorrow I must get schoolwork reorganized for next semester. Maybe cut out some snowmen designs. Roller derby after dinner. Really need to give Coraline a bath too. Have to do a Glock logo with the embroidery machine and possibly get two other logos prepared as well.
And then just house cleaning if I happen to remember. ;)
I'm outta here. I'll come back to write more when I actually have something useful to share or say, or not...or whatever...it had better be more awesome than this shit. Sorry for the wasted time. :P
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