Yikes, yikes yikes!!!!
I kinda want to go be a recluse for at least a whole week. Is that so much to ask?
I have some things to work on-- when I feel like it (and for the fact I hope to get paid afterwards...and we are broke as shit and NEED the money) and that is fine, because they really look fun to make....no problem, except I have a few people asking for other items...and well, I am closed!!! ARGH!!
I hate telling people NO. (especially when we have less than $6 in the bank) but I need time to recuperate....hell, I still have one shirt to make anyway that has already been paid...not that it's hard, but I don't want to add more crap to my list. December supposed to be free from doing other people's stuff and solely for family and home....ugh...
Nothing ever freaking works out. I hate this.
I could like not answer emails or something, but the other special sets I will be posting, so 'they' know I am online...shit.
I NEED an escape plan!!!!
I could just say no too....but...
argh...I guess I have to. It's the only way....and once I get some practice saying it....it'll start coming naturally, right?? Right??!
Or I can keep doing what I've been doing and end up like this and being trapped in an unhappy predicament....like always...
Off the subject...Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE said to ....well, I can repeat what he said, so I'll just say that saying NO is on my priority list now. Sorry people who want to order stuff and give me your money...sorry but NO, go find someone else....I can't get stuck here again. I'm moving on....
...and I'd be moving a whole lot faster if I had a new camera.....that fancy camera that did not go on sale anywhere in the US of A on Black Friday..... and is still too expensive for me to even layaway... ugh.
In my current emotional mood...I'll probably never get it...and I'll just give up and say ....I'll say what Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE said...and just live my life out as no one and nothing..... Nothing besides a mom and wife....which isn't bad at all....but still...
Have you ever thought you were more than what you have become (yeah, like lion king, lol)?
anyway, it doesn't matter. What I make/sell doesn't matter. How many bills we have doesn't matter. This blog doesn't matter either. The dirty dishes...the fancy embroidery machine over there...this computer...none of it has ever mattered.
The only piece of existence that my poor soul has ever affected is in the hearts of the two kids that live with me...and the heart of the one who lives for me....and that's enough....and hubby too.
...and my pretend people too.....
I suck...and am nothing other than them....
Or we can play the ruthless emotion....I can do and become whatever the hell I want....but I have to want to....and well....today I don;t want to. I don;t want to do anything. I don;t want to have that cute shop village when I'm 50. I don;t want to produce humility in the minds of people with theater production when I'm 40. I don't want to put ever photographer out of business within 50 miles when I'm 37. I don't want to pay off all my bills and finish the damn house when I'm 32....(okay yeah, I still kinda want that) but right now I don;t want to be something or do something other than what I want. Screw what I should be doing...just screw it.
We are dying on the inside.....we are all dying on the inside...like a crucifixion. And we are slowly killing ourselves....slowly bleeding away our energy to do things we think we should be doing....when what we really should be doing is what we want to be doing anyway.
make sense?
it doesn't matter.....ugh...I gotta go..I'm rambling about something I can't explain and really don;t care to, lol. God bless chipper-eyed daisies of romance.
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