All is quiet and still. Not even the wind survives. We stand ready. We are waiting.....but for what?
This is where I find myself. It feels odd and strange and somewhat needed. I stand alone, although I know there are others who stand with me. I cannot see them or hear them, but I know they are there. Perhaps that different plane of existence or something. I know they are there....I do not hope they are or assume they are...no, I am sure of it. We are all waiting for something, but He will not say.
We are not rushed or afraid. We stand like guards, although we know once it begins that we too will fight into battle.
Are we the front line? Where is our Lord?
Where is the enemy?
Out beyond us is nothing but barren land. Dry ground...devoid. A think fog covers the distance. It is silent, but deep inside you can feel the movements of what's coming. You can hear it's breath.
Our Lord comes by to keep us awake as we wait, though He has not spoken for quite some time. I do not ask Him to, as I know we are waiting and we must stay alert for the arrival of what is to come.
I ponder how long we must wait, as in human life terms, we all know it is a short time...and many days are lost while we patiently stand in the midst.
I'm sure we are accruing wisdom, along with patience and endurance in this time, but sometimes the watching is enough to make you forget that things do not run on our own time.
Inside I feel like I am not worthy to wear such armor. To carry this sword. To stand at this line. To stand among so many others who are far more worthy than me.
I have failed time upon time. Fallen again and again. Learned but then forgotten all that He has taught. Why does He think I can fight in this army? I am not afraid of the enemy, but only of failing Him.
It is strange....that we stand here without wanting to move from our guard. We want to stay and uphold the line. To wait and strike down any enemy that may come from the fog ahead. To serve Him without question or delay. We stand. And we will fight when the time comes.....and it is coming soon.
It's like a spiral...like when you have a string with a weight at the end...and you twirl it around your finger....the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes....
Have you seen what these times have wrought....? All of what has been destroyed? What has been built? The expansiveness of mankind at a rate like that of a racecar on the Audubon.
time is fast...and it comes swiftly. Let it not surprise you one day when you find that the sun no longer rises....but only the fog.
Fog of confusion and desolation. Of being lost. No longer yourself, but that which you must be so as to not get punished. Your words will be silenced....your hearts will be caged. You will know the pain of your existence and will be unable to break free. Fear will hold you captive...and so will your thoughts....
We are the front line. And we will hold the line...but only you can ask to join the army....You may not be placed with us...but He will place you just where you need to be...
that was....ummm...weird. I guess I should've put that on my other page...probably not this one, lol...You're really going to think I'm messed up now...hahaha!
Anyway...back to this dimension....but not really, as I have been finding it more and more and more and more difficult to stay here.... it's weird. Kinda like when you have one of those messed up dreams or visions....and you can't get it off your mind for one second and it stays there for weeks on end....and you think you will never have your regular life back...not that your regular life is all that appealing anyway.
Mine kinda sucks. Not bad...but...
Without a passionate goal to conquer (because we are waiting - see above) it just kinda feels like what you do throughout your average day is just like ho-hum... Like it all only matters for today, because tomorrow it won't.
Just yesterday I was cleaning around the house a bit and I just had the strangest thought pop into my head...it just felt like I was cleaning a hotel room. That I won't be here but for a little while, and it really doesn't matter if it is super clean or organized...because in just a little while it won't matter...it's all just borrowed stuff and soon, it won't even belong to you anymore.
I admit though, that kinda freaks me out....and excites me.
I'm kinda really anxious on the outside, but on the inside I'm like a little kid who's standing before a big present and gets to open it in about 5 minutes...standing there doing a little hop and clapping your hands together lightly so as not to make a scene....lol.
I'm awful....I know you have no clue as to what I'm talking about....and it's okay. It really is relieving to just write it down.
Anyway....I finished chapter 15 in my book last night....and oh my...the good part is starting, so that means instead of about 3 hours writing, I'll be doing it until sunrise...because you just can't stop when you are in the ZONE!! And it is the good part...and near the end...so I'm excited!!! And plus I get to spend more time with my characters, whom I love...yay!
I also want to say that I have stuff I should be doing....but I'm not....and I am willing to live with that choice.
I am literately on the verge of purging all that does not allow me to BE. So please bear with me if I seem harsh or really quiet at times. I'm just realigning my mojo and jamming the switch permanently into the ON position.
Just a friendly reminder (warning) :)
I'm gonna go have a bowl of Cherrios here in a sec, and then after that, I'm not sure...no promises...I'll be just wherever I find myself :)
.......and standing and waiting, with sword in hand.
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