Insanity....or close to it.

Day 75
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watching anime....
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zoning out to work on book 5
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because it pulls....
wanting its voice
telling you the story with images...
images that beg for them to be born into this world.
flowing like a waterfall...
bring me forth
I want to become.
I want to be.
They only cease after I've written them.
After they've become matter.
After their existence has been proven.
...
I wonder sometimes...if they are demons...aliens.
Entities of other planes that possess me through my thoughts.
How they devour my mind. My thoughts. My life.
Enticing as they are.
Who are you?
Why must you come through me?
Even the muse doesn't harass me so.
But you, my dear ones who have given me more than ideas....
No matter how dark your energies...I gaze upon you still.
I dwell within your stories.
Over and over and over and over....
You make me play out the scenes until they are perfect.
Until I'm satisfied....
...
perhaps I am the demon.
perhaps I'm the one feeding off of these thoughts.
I keep returning to you....
after waking...
before sleeping...
upon waking in the middle of the night....
while driving...
while do any sort of task that doesn't require my full presence.
Am I possessed....or do I possess you?
You only leave if I write you out....
you only leave once I've had my fill.
even then...I sometimes return...
whatever these desires are.... they are like fire.
they are like the stars...like the earth.
Like water... like breath.
Like the sea...like the sky...
...
In this vessel I carry you.....
until I have to pour you out....
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Someone needs to hold me to the earth....
I'm falling away...
They have hold of me.
and I can't let them go.
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Neptune must be fucking with me today...
I'm so not kidding...
I haven't been here all freaking day.
I'll have to have a talk with him to get him to chill.
Do you realize how productive I've been today....
NO...that's because I was busy in my head all freaking day!
Make it stop!!!!!
I don't even know where to start book 5!!!
I don't even have a first sentence....

yes....totally me....
distractions only work until I get bored.
need to go distract myself some more....
later.