Please don't let me fall.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Someone must. Someone must.
Sunset, past sunset, where the stars become brighter, the planets radiate, and the world above is pitch. Atop the mountainside where the tall grass shifts in the breeze. The warm cool breeze of the night. Valleys pouring out before you and other mountains rising above them. Alone again? Alone still? This devastating lingering time of loneliness. But no, oh no. Not alone. Our own blindness shutting our eyes. Our own fears keeping us away from Him. Why can't we ever learn.
Defeating a fear isn't about facing it....not entirely. No, it's about recognizing it, accepting it, and repenting of it....turning it over to Him. These mountains, these towering fears we all climb....climb until they are under our feet.
"Lord?" She asks, or says...perhaps another day where He doesn't speak.
"I'm here." He says. Oh the relief of that voice....how long has it been...even a moment is too long, much too long. That beautiful voice.
"Will you carry me through?" She asked this, knowing she couldn't ever take another step on her own.
He gazes at her, she's sure there will be a yes....but He doesn't miss a beat. "No." He says ever so gently.
Oh how odd it is that she already knows what He means with one word....for she knows she is old enough to walk.
"But I will walk with you." He says as He takes hold of her hand. "We can climb together, side by side, until the mountains are under out feet and we are above the clouds."
Utterly beautiful He is. And we are never alone.
Always searching for answers she is...and so she asks another, before drifting off back to the world of the sleeping life. "I should write more, shouldn't I?" for its been a long time since something had been written.
He knelt down and faced her. "Write about me. Write about the stars....and about the one who holds them." He took her hands in His and cupped them. They were filled with the heavens, and the earth, and the life, and the love. How could we ever be alone.

Yay stories! Very beautiful stories if I do say so myself.
Let's play a defining game... Mountains=fear. Clouds=confusion. Stars=souls. Earth=your body, just fyi.

I'm actually hesitant to write about things that happen anymore. Here in this sleeping life. I really don't think anyone cares anyway. I'm rather forced into a predicament of just suffering in silence. And it's ok really. This sadness and loneliness and stress. It too will pass. Another season will rise, and maybe as the leaves die off, so will these crumbling times. Oh, but beyond the needs of the forefront, there's still this crazy joy....and this is where I'll dwell, until the sun shines again.

Well, it's late, I'm going to bed and hope this pain stops. Always hoping it stops.

Many leaves, one tree... that's what I always say. :) though I think I might be one of the first to fall :(

Nothing no no no.

A quick moment before bedtime. A quick hello from the netherworld. A quick fleeting glimpse of bliss and chaos entwined in a dance.
Took a train ride today. It was nice, although thinking a destination would be better. Somewhere warm and sunny, mixed with smiling faces and great big hugs. Somewhere with children running and clouds drifting effortlessly up above. Somewhere I've once been in a short moment....so short, yet, perhaps relived again and again to where it is unending. That place. Perhaps you too have seen it in a dream, or a vision, or a memory of a life long past. That place, where one day we will retreat to when the storms arise and the winds scream, and we like children crawl into a ball and hide our faces. that place that is our home. Have you not been there? Have you not yet seen it? Felt it?
When Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz kept repeating ..."There's no place like home." She was absolutely right. Nothing is complete and full of every fullness and wholeness and full of the All....then home. And I'm not talking about the house you live in or even the people you share it with. It all that and more....so much more that the word 'more' itself is laughable and cannot define such a place.

So it's been months since trying out this unschooling/homeschooling thing. So far so good. The boy now thinks it is cool that he can do math in his head much easier than it ever was on paper. I think he's actually using math on purpose. This is a nice 'oh cool, unschooling does work for reals' moment. I'm hoping that 'on purpose' ness will bleed over into writing and/or spelling, lol. And vice versa with the girl. I think all those years of math worksheets might have fried that part of love of learning....damn it. But they do say that it takes a month of unschooling to repair a year of schooling/homeschooling...so we shall see when that equals out.
So.....if any of you are business minded people, someone needs to call me or something. I need business input immediately. Things relating to finding people to hire, and magic ways to find money to pay them. Like now. Someone??
It really sucks ass not having friends. Think I'm going to go put on a mask and pretend to be someone else for awhile. My life is actually kind of awesome and blessed and even though craptastic things happen, I love it....but business wise, my real self lacks many aspects of ability to find creative able people willing to work...well, beside my 2 awesome employees. I need like 2-4 more with some skills and determination. Like now. And then I need someone who knows how to advertise photography....because that is much more enjoyable.
I keep hoping for the end of the world...world war 3...economic collapse...zombie apocalypse...spiritual enlightenment...alien invasion......but we all know there's a fat chance of that happening, so I have 26 orders that I will have to do, that's 26 orders....and many of those orders have more than 1 item on the list...and many have more than 3 items....and I freaking need people who can work! Argh.... because I still want to do the market, and I have a free booth to use at another sale if I want, and I have maybe 5 pieces of inventory.....ugh. I'm just 1 person with 2 employees.....and business has grown bigger than us....help.

But yeah, I don't have friends, so I will have to ask the boss man for some insight, and my very good friend for some practical advice, and then maybe the government for a big wad of grant money. Although that still wouldn't help me find employees...would it.

So....anyone having strange dreams lately? I had another one with more German agents of some sort. Not sure if they were military this time, but they were disguising themselves as a different nationality. I don't know, they were bad guys though. In another part of a dream, I dreamt of an earthquake (assuming it was an earthquake) in Oregon. It was listed as a 9.1 and people were screaming and running and the building they were in broke in half. Messed up, I just remember knowing I had to remember what happened to bring it back with me when I woke up. Whatever.
I'm outta here.... I AM T.I.R.E.D.!!! :)