Everything really IS awesome....choose that.

I'm really thrilled actually. Thrilled that these words spill out of their confinements and lay themselves bare. No longer hidden behind humdrum beginnings or mysterious endings. Oh the joy of these numerous fascinations.
Duality.... or now dubbed 'dueling reality'.... I think I can see through the mist a little clearer. Though seeing what amazement it brings...one would already know things are much clearer.
And so this leads to being caught up in a one way ticket....a one track mind....and to square one. There's no going back...and who would want to? Forgive me if I seem to fall behind, or seem to leap ahead....that's only a misconception...a misperception... irrelevant. Doesn't matter if I'm on the train's first car or last....we still all reach the destination at the same time. We are one.

So....if you already aren't aware....there's this energy boiling up...pounding thick against our flesh....a turbulent growing force waiting to be unleashed...and it's building rapidly behind the flood gates..... can't you hear the rushing waves....
It's almost ready to burst forth.... prepare to harness the coming wave....it's going to be a big one... and I am excited and ecstatic and almost uncontainably able to patiently wait for its release.
I feel like laughing madly into the sky....because even if I can't describe it, I can feel it...and it's going to be grand! Don't bother holding on tight....we aren't meant to stay put with this one....it's time to fly! WhEEEeeEEeeEEEeeEeeeEEEEEEeee!!!!!!


So besides the exciting news.....I also feel there may be something that has yet to reveal itself....feels like a secret you've been waiting to hear about or a solution to a major problem...or the final piece of the puzzle....feels like it's fixing to get known too.... like a surprise. I wonder what it could be....hmmmm. I shall keep you updated on that once I figure out what it is.

Book update.... I'm fixing to proof read everything. I think I'm done with Chapter 30.... and I want to write the epilogue after I proof read in case I forgot something... Should be done within a week...we hope! Then to name it, haha.... prep the formatting, and get it printed.... only to find 50 misspelled words or misprints after I get it in book form, lol. Of course.
Book 4 on the other hand will have to wait until I read this very interesting book.....

Sewing work, good. Working for other people job, good. And other than my neck pinching the crap out of me, I'm good-ish. I should probably go to sleep....but I'm gonna go proof read! YAY! Later!

......I swear I've lived.

So....the conversation was enlightening. And now....this word.... 'deserve'....has been decoded...debunked...demoted into what it really is.
De-serve ...De-serving...di-serving....this dis-service to ourselves.... Who are we to even judge ourselves....for we would condemn ourselves quickly and easily. Guilty.
Split into two....we are such a fatal species.
And He asked if I deserved my punishment I bestowed upon myself? But I couldn't answer Him. I wasn't even that good of a judge much less jury and executioner. He didn't see anything worth condemning. He didn't see a need for me to be swallowed up by the darkness...the rain, the muck, the cold. "Come here." He pulled me out of that muddy corner and set the sunlight upon my face. "Choose love." He would say.
Choose love. Yeah. Love is all you need, for reals.

And when we can impart that into every breath....that will be the indwelling. Choosing to love all, even ourselves.
There was this song I just heard...and it's probably old, but it said something about hoping you fall in love and it hurts so bad...the only way to know is to give it all you have... but there was this image that cast through my thoughts....a standing to toast every moment, good, bad, ugly, beautiful.... ah yes, everything.

....I'm not sure where the day went, but tomorrow is already planned and I don't like that monopolizing evidence. Sewing work, obviously. Writing the end of chapter 29 (I'm totally like 2 paragraphs away from Chapter 30) Which will be the last chapter besides the short epilogue. Dinner...no idea what's for dinner. And that dreaded twiddling of thumbs waiting on a w-2 form.... oh the joy.
Otherwise....very insightful things lately and hopefully you've noticed. Goodnight....er...good morning?

Reeling it in. I'm going home.

Let's get real....real deep....real eyes'd.
I recently gave everything away. Yeah, you heard that right. So recently it was only a few seconds ago. The trouble is remembering that.
If it were ever mine, I would own it, I would control it, I would have created it, I would know it's uses, it's causes, it's effects...down to every little detail, every smidgen of worth, every ripple, every line, every molecular atom... Every wavelength.
But since I do not know these things...about any of it. It was never mine. It couldn't be mine. I have no bond to such a thing. So instead of pretending I own it...I gave it away.
Now it is not mine. And...I don't want it back. I cede. I surrender. I give up. I abandon. I leave. I oust. I kick out. I turn away from....I deny.

Now, let's go deep....diving into this abyss.
I recognized it today. That old malfunction in rhythm. I know what causes it too. So I gave that cause away.... and the wavelength is straightening out. Should I remember this tomorrow? Who knows. Doesn't matter. I give that away too. Tomorrow may not come.
Light waves are made up of moving bands of both light and darkness.... When we see that we have the choice to look to the light, or look to the darkness...things become clear. I could see where the darkness led... I know that place. And I can see where the light led... I know that place too. I will not choose the shadows.
Run the race and stay in time with those bands of light. Don't linger....or the light flashes.

Have you realized.... Have you real eyes? Can you see?
I realize....


.......... I need to go. Words are useless anyhow.
I give you all away.

Drumming beats make me wanna dance

I hear the drumbeat.
A distant echo as I look upon the thunderous mountains and the silent fields that are laid out before them.
"I'm coming for you."
A whisper brought to me by the winds that drift across my skin.
The drumbeat, pounding like the soldiers who tread upon the minds of our kin.
Yet, my eyes are stolen away from their pursuit and cast back across the sunlit skies and giving all abandon unto your face.
Rivers of fear bleed out behind me and I can feel its growing tsunami, yet I cannot see the shadows it creates.
What can a star see of the darkness. What can a lighthouse know of the waves. All she can do is dance.
Dance. Dance. A star can see it all. A lighthouse can feel it all. And still she dances as if these lights will never go out and as if the tower will always stand.
Dance Dance.


Chapter 25 eeekk!! Why do I get so excited for myself...well, for my book, I'm such a dork.
There was this ....thing...today...a ripple? A fluctuation...a something I can't even describe. What do I do with that? I'm curious what tomorrow brings, whether it will be something similar? stronger? better?...hmm

in english, today kinda sucked in one area and was nifty in another. I didn't sew, but I checked emails if that counts towards anything. And I'm headed to go do some more writing since I've only been waiting all freaking day to do it.


notsurewhatelsetosaytatyouwouldunderstand.notsorryforbeingeverythingiamandeverythingiamnot.