It's been 2 months and that time lack thing about meditating is still at the threshold of my patience.

I don't even have a job.
I do still pet sit.
I do still get my workouts in.
and all the little errands and tasks...
I have sewn a few things at home, with new boundaries and limits set in place.
yet, it's like with all that is in my hands or not in my hands...time is still awol.

So this means it is an energetic thing I'm creating...

not including the 3rd eye practices I'm toying with again as of late.

an energy perception that isn't even real...
yet when do I meditate?
   maybe at night for 30 minutes... maybe.
maybe in the afternoon after my shower...maybe...sometimes...
but consistency is still lacking.

I haven't had a real conversation with the Alchemist for what feels like weeks... but it could be days..
I don't even know cause time is skewed.
"Time is skewed."
hmmm...

something here in these words...


______

Other news... cause I can't use my facebook as a free for all diary, *sigh, first world problems
still writing other book when it comes through...
I found out I hate writing that way.
I like a story that writes itself. A story... not what this current book is...
second thing is also I will not be posting it publicly..
yeah, it will end up on amazon (unless I change my mind about their cover printing..)
   but highly doubt I will tell anyone it's there.
The Atlantis book is up and available on kindle and softcover. It's 70 pages and amazon fucked up the page numbers and I'm too lazy to go and fix it. You're welcome.
I haven't received any feedback on this...except from the hubs and he don't count.
 

________________________

Hey.
Yes?
The dream thing, whats up with that?
Clear channels bring clear messages. Or something to the effect.
I didn't ask when.
No, but you were definitely excited about the occurrence and possibilities. That is surely, enough.
Yeah, I guess.
Really? A whole new dimension of expansion and potential...and you are an 'I guess.' How thrilling.
I'm still interested in that step up for myself, compared to the rest of this hovel. I don't much care where they are.
That is something to leave behind with the land that will be cut off.
I don't want to be good, Mustang. Or right. Or correct. Or what they make of the high.
You want to be certain.
Mmm... that feels exact. Yes.
You get to keep who you are. But the parts you cut off... get left behind.
What if I like being a step up. Ten steps up?
Perspective. Everyone has their feet on the ground, but a shift in where you view from is what makes that appearance as you desire.
An illusion then. The hierarchy.
A fable. A misconstrued opinion based on only a piece of the truth. As many things often are.
A delusion then. Got it.
The richness of one's soul is found in how much of you are at peace with you.
So...when the world splits, so to speak... just be more me.
More me? Try just being that me. Without any labels, conditions, specifications, or definitions.
Yeah. Me. And all that awesome shit.
Yes. That perhaps, may be a step 'up'.

So seriously... when?
You will have to ask someone who knows.
Gonna hook me up with that dream again then? Cause I think that guy might know.
*Shrugs

So I showed up, even if we are haphazardly just chatting erroneously.
I know. I will allow this.
Allow? this.
*Shrugs
Also an illusion....delusion. But you don't have to be good either I suppose.
You seem to think I am.
Ha! You've broken more rules than I have.
No. I have broken a few rather important ones. You however, have been making sure you are the winner of the rule breaking challenge... for quite awhile now.
I'm winning?!
You are not losing. I assure you.
*Fist pump

How to become Free... like totally fully you...

How to become free.
How to release and receive.
How to know yourself and what you desire.
How to take the steps.
How to navigate the fears.
How to show up.
How to be.
How to...

These are questions only we can answer when we've done them.
And even then, the answer expands and grows as we keep stepping forward.
We don't jump from the matrix, or the job, or the bad habits, or limiting beliefs overnight.
We do it in this second. In the now.
Then we do it again in the next second.
It's discipline. But not the kind that takes a whole bunch of effort and hard work.
It's the other side... the allowing and accepting and relaxing.
Both.
You get further with both wings, both feet, both contrasting parts.





Freedom means awareness.
Freedom comes when we define the cages....the bars...and the energy that makes them up.
It comes as we begin to see past them. Take actions that support beyond what the cage provides.
This means...to know what is causing you constriction and stress.
   to know what parts are not working, not supporting, not embracing you.
   Once we know these things, we can plan actions that help us step away from them.
   This can be done over a period of time, or in an instant.
  What are you prepared for? How desperate is your situation? How much does it really matter?
We plan, we take the step we can take for today.
   if that means putting in a notice, do it. (the next step doesn't show itself until you take the first)
   if that means packing up and moving back home, do it.. (call your family, gain support)
   if that means unburdening yourself from a relationship that isn't working, do it. (communicate)
   if that means resting more and letting go of stressful tasks, do it. (Allow yourself to be cared for)
...your freedom is personal... be personal and intentional about how you want to navigate it.
  
Freedom means creation.
It means defining your needs and responsibilities that you DO want to keep.
   this means setting priorities, making them into your plans, supporting your best pieces of life.
And what can help you support these important things?
What can you delete that stresses them and what can you add that benefits them?
Where can you arrange a balance between the give and take? At least for now?
Where can you allow more, and where can you receive more?
What are you creating that flows to and for these good things?
What are you creating that is blocking those good things?
   I know you know these things. Those times you don't play with your kids because of something stupid. Those times you work overtime but haven't communicated with your spouse about anything all week. Those times you forced yourself to get things done, but couldn't allow yourself to be cared for by others....

Freedom means balance.
   But not like work and play... but like slow ease, and quick excitement.
It means patience and space. Breathing room, lots of cushion. Lots of forgiving and understanding.
It means acting on inspiration, on energy that shows up in the moment.
   not to think about it until it dies off... but to move with action when you are alive and carried with a unnameable passion.
It is an ocean of waves, and sometimes we are at the surface, riding waves and enjoying the sun...and sometimes we are in the depths of silence and repose.
   We can choose to tread water and get tossed by the sea, or choose to navigate what comes with skill, with ease, with intelligence. And we can choose to dive deep into our soul and discover who we are and whether we want to move toward a goal or be satisfied with were we are now.

Freedom means power.
   Saying no to what isn't for us, and yes to what is.
It means having the choice EVERY DAY with what or whom we will engage with.
It means the choice to play with society for today, or not. To create something today, or not. To be someone today, or not. To speak today, or not.
Choice IS power. And if you don't have a choice you have NO power.
Begin choosing what is FOR you.
Begin choosing what you want.
Begin taking actions that lead you towards what you love.
Choose to begin.

Freedom is in the NOW.
   It's not tomorrow or yesterday, or just a mindset thought.
It is right now with who you are being and what you are thinking right NOW.
It is in the choices you are making today.
The thoughts you are thinking today.
The way you are either moving forward or backwards or sideways.
It may seem like it's about reaching it in the future, but we can't reach what isn't built.
We build it by BEING it. Today. Now. In this thought. This action. This choice.
And it grows when we show up and stay consistent with those thoughts and actions.
    If we carved a rut with a not so great mindset, it's going to be a bit of a challenge to stay out of it and carve a new beneficial path... but it can be done...in a few days even, it's about your awareness of your choices, actions, words, thoughts.

Freedom is energy.
Use your emotions to propel you out of the ruts and onto the road you want to create.
If you have to cry and yell and scream and rage to shut up your shit thoughts, do it.
If you have to close your eyes and meditate for an hour to align yourself, do it.
If you have to lift heavy things and run a mile, do it.
If you have to take a hot bath and blast music, do it.
There is no wrong way back home to YOU.





No one can tell you how to do it. Not really.
We can lay out the paths and maps and hand you a compass and a gps...
but sometimes it does no good to those not yet ready.
That's okay.
Some people love their jobs and lives and they are prime examples of success.
Some don't work, have everything they need and want, and love their lives, and that too is success.
Some like the push and pull all the overcoming of trials...and if they are happy, that too is success.
But freedom is usually only sought by those who don't have what they need or want. That haven't found a love for life. That don't experience success.

So what do you want for yourself?
You can change things over time, or you can do it today.
You already have the freedom to choose.
No one gives you freedom... it is an energy that flows from within.
What blocks it is all the things you put between YOU and IT.
the excuses, the 'but's, the doubts, the past, the fears, the victim card...

No one can tell you how to do it. How to be 'free'.
But you can. You can tell you how to do it and you can do it today.
Summon your courage, your strength, your resolve.
Free your self. Your soul. Your ego. Your mind. Your body. Your limitless you.
Take all of who you are, all your parts and pieces and aspects and run with them.
Trust them. There's no cutting any part out when you are free to include them all.
Freedom is freedom of YOU.

~ Jennifer Coots ~ https://www.facebook.com/JenniferCoots

Static clings to those who haven't discharged their electrons...? wtf am I talking about

 I'm here, but I must admit that I'm in the inbetween.
That place of static, where you are no longer on the previous channel...
and you certainly haven't honed in to a new channel either.
So there's static and jumbled music and screeching.
It's been a bit lonely and lost. Although I recognize these spaces and transitions really damn fast now.
However, I'm still working on accepting the time it takes to get from one channel to another.
Patience just isn't doing it for me.
It's been weeks... and rather I feel like I'm in one of those padded cells.
Nothing to see in the Aethers, barely anything to hear...although I can hear far better than seeing.
The Alchemist is around, but the visuals are awol.

He claims I need to decide what I want..
ya know, do the focus and feel the emotional vibration of what you want.
The actual process of manifestation...
But for some whatever reason, I am subconsciously ignoring the steps to meditate.
Like a compulsion to do anything BUT that.

and maybe it's just the new moon...
Or some astrological bullshit.
Maybe I'm stubborn and really do not want to get distracted on a side quest.
Maybe I want nothing... yet everything wants me...
mmm....
That resonates stronger than I expected... interesting...
I shall meditate on it, LOLOLOLOL!  or not, lol.





I'm still sitting here, distracting myself from just closing my eyes and feeling.
Yet, even now, writing about it... avoiding it like the plague.
Not even a type of 'NO' forceful avoidance, but a ...
'look at this other thing to look at or contemplate...don't pick up the phone and call 911...
cause there ain't no doubt..bye bye bye ....
and fuck me...

Going to yard sales tomorrow, just for fun.
Then to best buy for a tablet.
It'll be too chilly for having our own yardsale, so aiming for next weekend, weather cooperating.
There's still many tasks to do around the house.
Still lots of yard stuff.
Still awaiting the day a dirt guy comes and levels the yard for my pool to get set up again.
Still doing the things and showing up... although my workouts have been slacking this week...
we had storage units to move and clean out for two days... and I had errands 2 other days...
and while I did walk the dog today, I got a workout in yesterday....but that was it :(

I blame the fact that the doc is checking shit and I had to wear a heart monitor for 3 days...
and I'm pretty sure it's not my heart causing my physical inconveniences.
We will see...
but I'm betting on fluid build up...a bit of anemia...and/or a pinched nerve/disc in my back.

and I've got eggs. Lot of eggs. 1.5-3 dz per day, lol.

____

So I took a chunk of time and meditated...
I did all the things..
I made no decisions, only felt... and felt just energy.
Really soothing and I'd like to go to sleep now.
So yeah, thanks for that. G'night