A...frequent sea...of sound waves....? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

He held me like a child and I laid my head upon his shoulder. "Nothing's wrong." I would say, but there wasn't any joy in those words. Perhaps the weariness of these waves pounded too hard against these walls recently. Those soft sunny days and warm breezes were being missed. We knew the tower would always stand and we knew the sun had to come out again, but maybe even though I hadn't forgotten that, I sighed with this burden.
But that wasn't it, or not all of it. "Are you ashamed?" He would ask.
Maybe. Maybe, what did that really mean after all? Ashamed of being this tower and scoured with the force of these waves, from this ocean? Embarrassed for making these choices, those choices, picking those options, choosing wrong, or choosing right? Would any choice be the correct one? A lighthouse wasn't meant to stand upon the sunny fields, or dance upon the colorful flowers. A lighthouse, a star, a river, a child.... was meant to have it all.
"Are you happy now?" He asked. right now...at this moment...this moment while I hold you close and whisper in your ear? While my arms hold you firmly upon the rock?
"Yes. I'm happy right now...right at this moment..."
"Then be happy now." He said. Happy in this moment. Now. And this moment. Now. And this moment. Now.
And that old illusion of time drifted away...and all troubles were forgotten, and all issues were laid to rest upon that rock. And none of those choices ever mattered, those decisions could never be wrong, and wrong doesn't exist, and shame can't exist either unless you think you're all alone.
Tell me why He does this? Takes these warped shadows and shines them into nothing...no thing. Reminding this forgetful child that shadows don't exist if you are looking at the sunlight. Blinded by that kind of love. And you'd never know what that was until you turned away from your own shadow.


I've said too much. And I ponder the sound of my own voice. The mind can't speak with words what it was meant to say with thoughts. Vibrations can't be found upon the tongue, and there's no way to find my brothers and sisters by saying such things or writing such things...and all I can hope for is that they can find me and overlook any stupid words that spill out from this mouth. This fleshy bit of manifested creation that always fails to really say what it means to. And this child cries upon the Lord's shoulder and He smiles. He is totally not mocking me...is he?
"No one was ever meant to speak with the heart." He snickers. "Why do you keep trying to?"
maybe because lips say the wrong things and the head is even worse. And so he'll say something about speaking with lips 'from' the heart, but even that gets transmitted the wrong way.....ugh.
"Hearts don't speak. They beat like the pounding of the ocean." He whispers. He looks away, out somewhere, pondering maybe?

what? and this tear covered child looks at him silent....hearing those beats inside his chest....
This is a safe place. Here. Now. In THIS moment. And the waves crash hard....and I'm in His arms.

"You can always find me here." He says.
Here. Now. In THIS moment.


So....what's right with the world....? Yeah, just everything.
on Chapter 24 and on the last stretch of storyline before the big fun read through proofread takes up many hours of my day.....because yeah, I start reading my own book and enjoy it because I often don't remember writing 80% of it....though I do know what happens in the end. :) if you can call it that?? ;)
And working for other people isn't too bad, though 5 hour shifts are much more enjoyable than anything longer than that.
Sewing work....actually on schedule (can you believe that?) and I hear the wind is blowing like crazy outside...yeesh. I like wind though.
Thanksgiving tomorrow and I don't have to cook! yay. but I do have to go to work...uh..yay? doesn't matter really though, just a day of the week, and I get to do thanks-giving everyday.
let's see.....I'm kinda mad that my favorite cat is awol. And if he comes home he is going to go through shock at taking a crash course in 'indoor cat only status'. Otherwise, when finances become more like paying bills instead of hoping to pay bills....I'm going to bring home two kitties and they will be indoor only kitties....and our current 'I like to be indoor only' cat Foxy will finally have someone to play with.....assuming that she approves of at least one of them. And they are going to be youtubed and photographed alot for creative endeavors....because it's not like I have anything else to do.

um...yeah, blah blah, other stuff...and if you really want to know, you'll just have to ask me.

Let the storm rage on....the cold never bothered me anyway....

"Do you not trust me?"
Maybe He said it or maybe I said it for Him...but either way, there's a lesson within it.
'Let It Go' keeps playing in my head all day and throughout the night. I'm rather thankful I don't know all the lyrics for this reason.
We had a conversation about the trees the other day and I'm still contemplating what all He meant by what He said. Trying to grasp at the treasure inside those words....and 'Let It Go' starts playing the chorus once again....
Even that dreaded horoscope that flashed on my facebook page mentioned the same thing....synchronicity at it's finest....and I know that voice.
And again....today that same voice and I smile every single time I hear Him, because there is no other sound more beautiful.
The leaves, the leaves that fall upon my driveway, and the yard, and the roof, and everything....I love these leaves. Our shedding of the old ways, the burning away of everything that is not Us...and the trees are filled with a fire of color. And they fall away, like our failures and our burdens, and our doubts will surely fall away. We can trust upon the spring, trust upon a new season, and trust that He will reveal our treasures in His time.

That almost sounded lame up there ^^ ^^ not the meaning but the use of those fancy words other people use....going to have to elaborate more on my content and vocabulary....Ugh, the trials of independence and non-conformity are pressing hard this day.

What's new....well, let's just say nothing actually 'new', but something along the lines of that burning up of the old...and this is a good thing, I totally trust in that.
There it is again.... 'that' song....and sometimes 'Everything is Awesome' starts adding a few lines in here and there. I love His sense of humor.

I'm on chapter 23 of my book, so that is going well at least, and Mr. Clean is doing a fine job of cleansing and spending quality time with me too. I feel all loved and not neglected.
2 Orders I hope to finish tonight, possibly make it to chapter 24.... Laundry, dishes, dinner, and a work day tomorrow... :P not sure if I like working for someone else, lol. temporary, temporary....I can totally do this... there's no song for stamina...