Art...projects??? yeah, we an call them that.

Day 85
---
---
Everything is done except for the craft cabinet.
Maybe when it's not cold in that room.

Have to play chauffeur tomorrow.
Possibly the grocery store too if I feel up to it.

I'm working on a project.
Kinda like a new invention project.
but not really new... just using a different idea
and tweaking it to suit my needs.
I'm solving the cat litter issue....in real time.
Well...in real time once I get my package in.
It'll totally work, eh? Then I won't have to spend
any more money on cat litter.
If not, I'll have more craft supplies.
I'll keep you updated.

---
ummmm so, this computer is glitching a bit
don't have much to say or tell

Level 30 on my list!
I get to dig up the garden.
because I was thinking it be great to get started on it.
with this sometimes warm weather and sunshine.
yeah....if this rain would get gone, we'd be digging.

why aren't there any thrift shops by hamilton place...
what the heck?
Not sure what I'll be working on tomorrow while
me and the radio flip through 12 stations of nothing but
95% stuff from the 80/90 's ....
probably converse with the muse to help me
get the Fox Prince script tweaked.
yeah, i'll do that.
and bring a book or something.
...
why don't I have any crossword puzzles?
why don't I have a boxflex?
oh...that's right... even sellers can be flip floppers and
waste your time...
do you want to sell it or not, buddy?
If I get a bowflex, I won't have to join a gym.
My very good friend says I could use bricks....
and think up ways to exercise....
but I'd hate to waste my creativity for things such as that.

Fixing to paint some artwork soon too.
I went through the colors today and paired up
the ones that go well together.
It's a set of 6.
They'll be geometric resonance stuff.
and probably a sigil or alchemy symbol.
I'll think of something cool.
of course I will.  psh.

really got to go. It's like tomorrow.
5 more days with me!
5 more days until my birthday!
I wonder what I'll get....??
probably whatever I buy myself.
like a bowflex and some workout clothes on amazon
I might pick up a passport on the way home
or book a trip to the beach
..... i really just kinda want to finish my script
and a 4runner.

AAARGH! Must break free from distractions!

Day 84
---
---
time to get serious.
I've got things to do and my time procrastinating and letting things gel is about over.
I know I have to do the things I'm not doing....I want to....but I'm feeling the tide has turned and now it's time to get to work on the matters at hand. So my focus will be put into doing those things I've not been doing.
make sense?

the list of 5 things to get done so I don't have to do them later.
1) shower (yeah, so what if I neglected this, I haven't gone anywhere!)
2) think of some things to add to Victory outline. I still think it's too short.
3) think of ways to strengthen The Fox Prince before trying to edit it.
4) take everything out of the craft cabinet and discard old/useless crap
5) watch a movie while organizing what's left of my fabrics.


I could do my other list, as I already did the beat card outline for Victory, it's just not completely ready to start the screenplay on it. So wondering where the cut off point is exactly?? It's on the board.
I guess after I add to it?

Do you remember Killian O'Malley.
Yes...the leprechaun I made and sold to someone in Ireland.
yes, that perverted one with a penis, who like to watch spongebob.
and he cussed a lot.
How about a movie for him...
Comedy slash horror flick?
Low budget, rated R, and great to watch with a few of your buddies while smoking pot.
Yeah, I'll sell it to Amazon or Netflix...or one of those little dinky horror film studios.
It'll be funny.

I have another gelling in my head... It's for Pixar.
I can't tell you anything about it over the internet or phone.
It's box office worthy. Worthy for the Pixar gods.

 _____________________________________________________

Past hacking is seriously hard work.
Not hard as in doing, hard in imprinting.
not explaining.

Ihop is gross, don't bother eating there.
free pancakes day is good though.
ok...really need to get to work on stuff.
I'll see you tomorrow. You got 6 more days with me!

Upgrades and Booster packs.

Day 83
---
---
My very good friend....bless his soul.
God I love him!

So....he just taught me to hack my past.
No joke.
Like a computer program....you just go back and change the original code.
Do you realize how awesome this is??!!!
I am not even freaking kidding.
Hacking your past so your current program can function at it's best.
Hacking your memories and aligning shit like a boss.
Then uploading some serious life reconciling amazingness.
The only problem I see so far is that I uploaded certain things that will most likely alter my ability to drop f-bombs when the need arises. Sorry.... but the program doesn't like it's use unless it's really necessary. Shit. <------ it says this one itself...so it can't say anything!!!

all the needs that went unmet
all the times unheard, unseen
all the denials, all the limitations
all the loneliness, all the neglect
all the pain and sorrow a child can carry
I placed him there. I uploaded him into those memories.
I didn't delete anything...god no.
But I gave her what she needed at the time.
I gave her him.

there's still work to do.
there's still others that need attention.
there's still lessons she needs.
I will upload those too.

Please forgive me if I'm no longer the same person once everything reboots.
I'll be much much more awesome. Hopefully with less of a superiority complex. HA!
No really though. You are awesome too.
We're only as awesome as each other, so please let me test the boundaries on that perspective.
I'll drag you all with me if I must. I'm just that way.
______________________________________________________

Ice Ice Baby is playing on itunes.... oh gawd.
where's my jumpsuit?

Oh Oh OH!!! I had an idea!
something feasible almost immediately this time...I promise.
Post-apocalyptic clothing. or dystopian fashion per se.
google image it -- no joke
Is that not the most beautiful stuff ever? <3 <3 <3
that stuff can be made on a dime from the thrift store.

throw some metal gear stuff on it and then you can call it steampunk too.
I'm just like drooling... I'm not sure why I love it so much exactly.
 Reminds me of Burning Man.... that I haven't been to because I don't have anyone to go with and I can't seem to find my gypsy friends anywhere... :/


OMG.....
someone stole my flamingos.
YES, I have... HAD ... 2 pink flamingos that I saved from someone else's trash pile over a year ago. they are gone. -- they even just recently had a makeover last fall (new paint and shelac)...
can you believe that.,... they were keeping my mailbox company and everything!
Now the mailbox is lonely :(  and so are my mailbox flowers...
I posted on the neighborhood website...so maybe they'll show up. I'll steal them back or do that really awful fake smile thing and knock on their door.... then put them on my roof.... bitches. It'll be great.

Nisson Murano....
guess what has a broken cd player....
ha ha ha.
that makes 14 ...yes....fourteen ...things so far.
Do not, for the love of all that is good, get a Nissan. Any Nissan.
Get a jeep. My jeep ran/drove broken for 4 years before I sold it. (#regret)
I'd buy it back if I ever found it.

ok...its late, I browsed enough pinterest.

later paper planes of infinite dreams....
fly.

.... O_O .... I can't tell you anything more.

Day 82 of 90
---
---
I wrote 2 different things....then deleted them.
Nothing bad, nothing important. Just not mine.
I'm getting barraged.....pummeled....crashed down upon.
By thoughts.....by feelings.
None of which are my own.
I recognize this and I'm okay with it, even if it is discomforting and disheartening.
The only way to get them to shut the fuck up is to tell them....
YES. I WANT MORE. MORE of all THIS.
My brain still wants to figure them out. Wants to know 'why'. Wants to know what to 'do'.
But there is nothing to do.
It's just a wave. It will change me. I must change with it.
Time to Level Up.

This is the second wave.
I know this.
And I will stand.
It takes energy to say Yes. To accept them all. To allow yourself to become the vessel.
It takes courage to relinquish yourself to these waves. To this flow.
It takes strength to remember, over and over and over. To stand and say yes. To ask for more.
To remember that they've prepared me for this. To remember that I have their council whenever I need. That I have their support. There is no failure. ---Oh I could turn back and delay this....but I find no reason to delay my suffering to tomorrow. Let us do this today.

This is why Jupiter watches me.
They are all watching me now.
I feel their eyes upon me. The seraphim, the angels, the gods, the heavens, the shadows.
What am I to them? What are 'we'?
I knew this was coming, but the gentleness of its approach made me question whether or not it would be as challenging as the first wave. I thought we were almost done...however I remember now that the orb lifted by Pyriel didn't start burning until after it was raised. I remember now....silly child. You thought Dipothiel was done with you.... they are just getting started. I see now.

oy vey. I wish you could be with me and see these wonders.
I wish I didn't have to describe the world between me.
I wish I didn't have to explain.
I wish you just knew, and you could see me, hear me, without words.
But I know, none of you can hear the stars. Or you would have told me.
Can you see them? Do you know who they are? Do you know their stories?
....I know all of them.

 _________________________________________________________

I don't want to post anything about this world.
There's too much transition frequencies running rampant. Things are in flux.
I'm in flux.
....
fissure
that's the word that kept popping up when I asked about the gate the feelings pour out from.
It too looks similar to the diamonds at the top and bottom....but not quite the same.
fissure....it means to split  (like the earth)
Like when a cell, divides.....
when you split an atom....?
when you split an Adam....................
holy fuck...... O_O

this is the creation of the universe
















______________

I'm fixing to go supernova.

etymology report = made new

YES. I WANT MORE. MORE TO ALL OF THIS.
I ACCEPT.

Super Saiyan Jedi !!!!!!!!!!!

Day 81
---
---
Do you know that point just before you go all super saiyan?

like Vegeta...not Goku.
I favor the bad guys that are good guys deep inside.
My very good friend is like that.
He'd choke a guy out and bust his face in, but will give you the last donut because he loves you.
Yeah.
Anyway. I had some interesting conversations of late.
I'm rather fascinated that the simple easy 'should be' obvious shit always takes the longest to learn.
Why is that?
I now feel like a super saiyan jedi pleading for "MORE!!" I WANT MORE!!" crazy shit.
Like Vegeta, but with a cooler story line and more blood.

How close can you get to a star?
That unlimited potential to burst forth into a god, or a demon.
I feel I would take the side of the enemy. That I would be the antagonist.
I would be the destroyer. I would be death and destruction.
Oh, but it's so beautiful.
Because afterwards. Love would reign. And I would cheer for it.
The bad guy that's really a good guy, deep deep down.

I'm actively working on reprogramming myself.
I hope you can keep up with me.
Shit. I hope I can keep up with myself, truthfully.
All I need to do is remember. Remember.
Tie a string around my finger like old people used to do.
Whatever it takes. I'll do it.
____________________________________________

That guy won't reply to my questions about that 4runner.
But if he did.... and I liked the answers. I'd have it by Monday.
You better fucking believe it.
"The 4runner guy will respond today. That 4runner is mine. It will be in my driveway Monday."
"I command it."
^^ Hey, now, my manifesting powers work randomly, I have to oblige the possibilities that what I say will come to pass. You should try it. ^^
_________________________________________

Do you know the feeling when Metallica is playing in the background and you're like on fire and energy is coursing through your veins (like a super saiyan!) and the matter and atoms of the universe are going slow as sludge to do what they need to do....but you're still new to this channeling thing and your patience level is blaring this irritating buzzer sound, but there's seemingly nothing you can do about it except wait. But you can't remember at the time that you don't even have to do that. You just have to fucking feel the present event as having come to pass and the waiting no more. But even though you know and write about it, your still stuck on the edge of psychosis of impatience.
That. = Me.
_________________________________________

I also realized of late.... that many of my feelings....aren't even mine.
How's that for a dose of growth.
The curse of being an empath and too much misinformation on google.
I knew many of the thoughts coming into my head weren't mine.
So those are easily diverted into either useful stories or I let them pass on.
The feelings...I figured all this time were either mine, or I was mirroring someone else's, or my subconscious was going on some tirade I didn't know about. I was literately trying to figure out why I felt crappy by thinking up pretend scenarios in my head for a reason to feel that way. Or I assumed someone died or something bad happened....which is sometimes the case, but feels a lot different.
So...as of late. Like maybe 13 hours ago.
The feelings aren't mine either. Like those thoughts that pass through.
I'm just a .... I'm the gateway in a sense.
There are seven gates that surround the kingdom of heaven.
----the thoughts....they originate from somewhere and pass outward through my sixth gate trying to come to life (that is, trying to manifest in this plane) Sometimes they linger and force me to bring them into matter. Like those stories. These movies. Some are rather brutal and I pass on them. Some I tweak with my own imagination and I can make them mine. But many of them, are not.
----the feelings....they originate from somewhere and pass out through my second or third? gate trying to ?? come to life. (that is, trying to send out their vibration to either transform itself or the outer world) They linger and force me to recognize them. Well...now that I know they aren't mine. I can let them pass too, instead of trying to justify them. Not that I always justify them, but sometimes I'm like 'where the fuck this come from?' ' I'm not sad.'??? They want transmuted. I understand. I am an alchemist after all.

There are seven gates. We are the kingdom. Break me open and pour out of me. I accept.
 
What does it take for a star to be born??
Like cracking through a layer of stone....of calcium. (metaphysical alchemist's term, I won't explain to commoners)

So....yeah, my adventures are amazing balls!
_____________________________________________________________________

 Victory beat cards are up on the board. I need to tweak a B story...I have a lot of dialogue, but the scenes are few. I need a name for a fox that isn't Zen. (He's the fox in The Fox Prince.)
I need to add more backstory for Victory and more story for how he's unappreciated.

Will be editing The Fox Prince tonight and tweaking it a bit.

I have yardsale stuff to bring upstairs.
I might go lie down in the driveway and take a nap.
It's warm outside still. <3
Shower. Dinner. Pick up the oldest from the Con.

Updating my programming.
Loud music.
Converse with universal beings.

Fuck yeah. I love everyone.
Let's go super saiyan! AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAAAAAAAAHhhhh

It's hard to dance with the devil on your back.

Day 80
---
---
that leaves ten days to write
not that I won't after that.
but probably only when I actually
have something to write.
No more blabbering on about nothing.
Not that that isn't something in itself.
---
my body...does this thing...
where it doesn't want to comply to the demands
that I place on it. It gets all tired and shit. This sucks.
I would call it being out of shape, but its more
of an issue with something else.
Maybe a pinched nerve? Low blood sugar?
Maybe I'll get myself checked out when I
obtain health coverage.
Looks like I'll see you in the afterlife.
I'm going to fucking die.
thanks America. Fuck you too.
.....
Anywho....
I'm tired.
I have piles of yardsale stuff on the floor.
I have script stuff to do tonight.
I'm not sure what's for dinner.
I...
I...
let's talk about something else.
...
...
There's this person who lives upstairs.
They watch netflix 99% of the time.
There aren't many times I converse with this person.
Some days flow well though.
Others, they are just trying to figure out what is going on.
Me too, my friend. Me too.
Some days they just don't care.
Me neither, high five.
Some days I hope a truck falls through the roof and crushes them.
Maybe wonder where they are.
I wander too. Me too.
Knowing where they are, but they don't know where I am.
Seeing them, but they don't see me.
The dragon watches as they sleep.
"Shall I devour him?" She asks.
....not today my friend. Not today.


Great story, eh?
Might make a good movie.
psychological thriller?
I'll think on it a bit.
___________________________________________

 there's a 4runner for sale in NC
they haven't replied to my questions though...
of course....cash to buy it would be awesome too.

I'd like to have cash to buy a 4runner, please.
thank you.
I'd also like that person to answer my questions and
provide me with the pictures I want to see.
and a lower price.
thank you.
I'd also like a supportive car guy to come with me to buy it.
thank you.
One like my very good friend. If at all possible.
thanks! <3 <3 <3

The Universe is....

Day 79
---
---


My hands are left empty as you fall from them.
Like sand between fingers.
I can't carry you into this world.
I have never found your reflections.
I have never felt your presence.
But still I go out and hope you'll find me.
Someday, one day, perhaps we'll meet.
You and I.

I walk through this world....
but whatever is here spans outward and away.
They can't see the stars.
They can't hear them sing.
Oh, ....my favorite song.
But I'm cast as the fool.
The one who can't grasp their realities.
The one who won't.
The stars are singing. Dance with me....
I cry tears for the heavens that want to be heard.
And I dance alone.
I hear you, my friends.

They walk away.
Averting the eyes and refusing to feel.
Dying.
You're killing yourselves.
You're dying.
Dying.
We are immortals, yet you slay yourself....
in every moment that you hide from the stars.

He takes my hand and smiles.
We dance.
The lights dim and the stars come out.
The music. The sand.
All of us. Together.
And this world is no more, as I'm
transported to the place where they are.

How can you even exist?
I can't even find you anymore.
Perhaps I'll stop trying.
You can't hear the stars.... you can barely hear me.
I shall disappear into the other worlds...
Then you won't even see me... like you can't even see the stars.

I've told you. I am a star. 
__________________________________________

There's a dragon. Prowling. Just beneath the surface.
I feel her breath. I hear her growling. I can see her.
This dragon is not tamed. Oh no. She'll never be.
I've let her run wild. I've locked her out of the gate.
She will never be harnessed. Never controlled.
If she rages, I will let her. If she flees, I will let her.
I will not take the primal fury she carries from her.
It is her power. It is my power.
Beware. There be dragons here.
____________________________________________

........is it odd?
to not want anything, but angry that you don't have it?
whatever 'it' is?
what does that mean?
..... fuck
I'm fucking bleeding here.
It won't stop.
and who can save me.... no ...
who would save me?
Just myself apparently.

....
I love this.
All of this. This frustration. This pain. This torture.
This sorrow. This love. This joy. This excitement.
Fuck yes, give it all to me. I want more.
All I can picture is some crazy anime character yelling
MORE!! I WANT MORE!!!!
lol, with demon eyes of course.

Anyway.....
I did all the beat cards for Victory's outline.
Will tack them on the board and see how they fit.
I'm still thinking it's too short. Need more backstory.
Need more character arc. And need more action.
and primal urges....
although it is a kids movie. I can't make it too primal.
Then again, it's not quite full length level great, but more of
a 1 hour special by Dreamworks at this point.
We'll see.
I'll need to converse with the muse.
She knows how to fix anything story related.

___________
no idea of tomorrow.
chauffeuring, I'm sure.
maybe rock climbing?
and working on script editing.
all is well with the world...
when the story is at hand.

The effects of watching anime

Day 78
---
---
Billy Graham died today...again.
If you are aware of the Mandela Effect...
he died a long time ago.
But in this timeline he just died.

I, however am from the other timeline.
I could list all the differences, but this post would end up
being way too long.
Look it up if you're curious.


___________________________________
storage room is clean.
Level 29
get to finish the beat cards for Victory....
which I'll do tomorrow.

watching anime...
almost every single episode ends on a cliffhanger, wtf.
I don't have the patience to binge watch!
__________________________________________

hmmm.
nothing to write today.
stuff to do tomorrow.
I'm unsure of many things.
and I love that.

I met a prince today.

Day 77
---
Lucky 77 perhaps?
I just might get my bulbs in the ground today.
I just might get started on the storage room.
I just might get lucky and find some checks in the mail.
-------
-------
Yes...
I got the salvageable bulbs in the ground...
I started on the storage room, not done yet...
it is in progress though.
I did get checks in the mail, finally! Now to wait
5 days for them to clear, ugh.

I have a headache now though.
time to watch anime...
watching Seraph of the End....
about vampires and stuff

____________________________________

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.

It is the essence of a being that we love.
Not the shell or the vessel that carries it.
How shall these things ever depart from us...
when the scent and memory of such a love
lingers in our midst?
If the land before you shall disappear into shadow...
your kingdom would still stand.
Your birthright is born from the stars.
Never shall it be torn from you.
Your father is the King.
Every one of you.... remember who you are.

Created in the highest realm....
and traveling to the lower...
this never meant for you to be lesser...
it was intended for the lesser to know the higher.
Remember remember.
You already know, you've only forgotten.


One runs the risk of weeping a little if one allows himself to be tamed. 
 You become responsible forever for what you've tamed
________________________________________________

Watched - The Little Prince
on Netflix....
I don't even know where to start except to say that
those screenwriters and director are awesome.
I'd like to work with them.
I recommend watching it.
I remember the cartoon...but it was in French.
Je parle francais. Et toi?
Je need eh...practice...mucho grande...uh... tres bien.
Whatever....
__________________________________________

Je suis in French means 'I am'...
Kinda close to Je sus, eh? (Jesus)
just trying to get your gears turning...lol
ye are gods. Say it, did I not?

Anyway....
need sleep I do.
later

I did it!

Day 76
---
---
I demand that the temperature outside rises.
If it's not cold, its chilly.
If not chilly, it's uncomfortable.
If not uncomfortable, it's cold.
I saw the sun yesterday, so it's still there.
Not sure what else....
I'm really really really REALLY going to clean
my craft room today. I so am this time.
Like, for reals.
I have to pick up the oldest from work.
Then go adopt a fish or two.
Then home, then clean the craft room....
(which is the 'trying out' new name for the sewing room)
I've got to come back to Earth and get this shit done.
______________________________________

I'm ready to get serious, yo.
Like badass motherfucking serious.
Like manifesto of action.
Like literately catching every wave of this flow.
Obeying the flow.
Following every inkling.
It should be fun.
Of course it will be fun.
......
but it will also be chaos.

I accept.
_____________________________________

Do you want to play with me?
Or watch me play?
okay....
then I'll share my adventures with you.
you can follow along with your own, or just watch.
You can use my steps/processes to help with your own.
I'll share.
Let's go!
......................................................
..............................
yeah, I need to make a list for you first, lol.
.......


Look I cleaned the craft room.....
BEFORE::

 And AFTER! :::: I told you I would do it today!

now I need to move the cabinet that's in the storage room, to this room..
so all the crafting supplies will be in the same area... and I can keep tabs
on whomever decides to pull it all out and not pick it back up!
I still want to paint that bland ass ugly wall too..... it will be white.
of course, that will make the stains in the carpet pop out...but oh well.

off to watch anime....
laters

Insanity....or close to it.

Day 75
---
---
watching anime....
---
---
---
zoning out to work on book 5
---
---
because it pulls....
wanting its voice
telling you the story with images...
images that beg for them to be born into this world.
flowing like a waterfall...
bring me forth
I want to become.
I want to be.
They only cease after I've written them.
After they've become matter.
After their existence has been proven.
...
I wonder sometimes...if they are demons...aliens.
Entities of other planes that possess me through my thoughts.
How they devour my mind. My thoughts. My life.
Enticing as they are.
Who are you?
Why must you come through me?
Even the muse doesn't harass me so.
But you, my dear ones who have given me more than ideas....
No matter how dark your energies...I gaze upon you still.
I dwell within your stories.
Over and over and over and over....
You make me play out the scenes until they are perfect.
Until I'm satisfied....
...
perhaps I am the demon.
perhaps I'm the one feeding off of these thoughts.
I keep returning to you....
after waking...
before sleeping...
upon waking in the middle of the night....
while driving...
while do any sort of task that doesn't require my full presence.
Am I possessed....or do I possess you?
You only leave if I write you out....
you only leave once I've had my fill.
even then...I sometimes return...
whatever these desires are.... they are like fire.
they are like the stars...like the earth.
Like water... like breath.
Like the sea...like the sky...
...
In this vessel I carry you.....
until I have to pour you out....
___________________________________________________

Someone needs to hold me to the earth....
I'm falling away...
They have hold of me.
and I can't let them go.
___________________________________________________

Neptune must be fucking with me today...
I'm so not kidding...
I haven't been here all freaking day.
I'll have to have a talk with him to get him to chill.
Do you realize how productive I've been today....
NO...that's because I was busy in my head all freaking day!
Make it stop!!!!!
I don't even know where to start book 5!!!
I don't even have a first sentence....

yes....totally me....
distractions only work until I get bored.
need to go distract myself some more....
later.

Rambling questionairre....I'll be insightful tomorrow

Day 74
---
---
have you read my posts from 2012...
holy shit...
I had a lot to say apparently.
deep insightful stuff.
What the heck!
And here I am in 2018 rambling on about bullshit.

Time to get serious, eh?
Time to wrangle the language of our elders.
Of our children.
To warm it up like savory milk and let it drip across your tender lips.
For these words shall cast a spell.
Entrance you into the whirlwind.
Breathing deeply into life and into the depths.
Where your soul ripples with the seasons and your spirit...
how it smiles upon the tears of your sorrow.
Beloved.
All the trees dance for you when you look upon them.
All the clouds smile down as you gaze upward.
The eyes of babes pierce through you...
I know you can feel this.
I know you know, because I know.
I know you see your broken flesh as a flaw.
I know you see your thoughts as hazards.
I know you feel that you aren't enough.
I know you grasp in panic as life trickles from your breath.
I know you fear departing.
I know you hear the echoes of the past.
I know you miss them.
So many of them.
The memories. The people. The feelings.
Oh, dear ones.
They shall return to you in full.
I promise this to thee.
Nothing that was ever a part of you shall be apart from you.
Understand.
It is all you.
All you.
__________________________________________

When the trees sing.....just because you can't hear them...
doesn't mean they aren't singing.

Hey, look what I found on google today.....
Questions that are supposed to be meaningful...haha....we'll see....

1. What do you miss about being a kid? - raw energy.

2. If someone gave you enough money to start a business – no strings attached – what kind of business would you want to start and why?- I will never start a business again.... - but I'd like to build little houses.

3. Tell me about a relationship issue you’re having, and ask me for advice on how to fix it. - what?...ummm none today.... I don't get enough 'cuddle' time?? what?! I see you looking.

4. If you could go back in time, what’s one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self? - Do it now, don't wait.

5. What’s something you want to do in the next year that you’ve never done before? - everything

6. Tell me three things that happened in the last week that you’re thankful for. - everything...my flower babies!!!

7. What’s your favorite memory we’ve shared together? Gimme as many details as possible. - I just met you....?

8. What makes you happy? - colors, sunshine, warmness, markers, stickers, little boxes, little wooden chests, blank journals, little books, dragons, shiny things, music, subwoofers, gold things, badly drawn images made with MS Paint, badly made videos made with MS Paint, pinterest, soft blankets....fucks sakes, I could go on all day....

9. Who or what has changed your life? - Jesus. That angel I met when I worked at Walgreens. That psychic lady that tried to read my mind at Hardee's, Rachel from Iceland, my husband. My kids. Those visions. Those lucid dreams. My book. The other angels I met after reading that weird third eye book. O_O

10. How do you best connect with others? - I don't

11. Are you a giver, a taker, or a matcher? Are there areas in your life where you act like one type, and other areas where you act like another? ---- What even is this...???

12. What are the five most important things on your bucket list?--- travel, build something freaky weird in the middle of nowhere, travel, write more books/movies, travel some more, and teleport.

13. What matters most to you? -- ? nothing...and everything?? idk?

14. What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever gotten? -- too much to list. I probably wrote it all here on this blog somewhere.

15. What’s your ideal weekend? -- weekend? My life is the weekend, bitch.

16. If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?-- travel

17. Who do you trust? -- myself, Jesus, myself, the universe, my very good friend, my kids, myself.

18. What are five things you’re thankful for right now? - water, internet, heat, life, curiosity

19. If a genie granted you three wishes right now, what would you wish for? - unlimited wishes.

20. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again? - ?? yes

21. What’s your favorite family tradition? - ??ummm... what? we burned the gingerbread house this year... traditions...what are those??

22. If you could enter a time machine, what time period would you go to? -- wait....I'm already a time machine... I can do this whenever I take the time to do it. So....I can't really answer this....I'm still disappointed they still have push button shit...and cat litter...and garden hoses....there are better things people....get with the future already!!! I'm tired of waiting!

23. What’s your favorite quote? -- didn't you already ask this?

24. What do you value most in a friendship? -- what is friendship?? I have a very good friend.... I value everything about that relationship.

25. Tell me your life story in four minutes, with as many deets as possible. -- what the hell are deets??details?? what are you, five? -- four minutes is too long, so no.

26. What’s something I’ve done for you that you’re grateful for? -- you wasted more of my time...who are you???!

27. What do you want your legacy to be? -- I don't give a fuck...I'm not here for you.

28. Let’s alternate sharing three positive characteristics of each other.-- you are gay, you make me laugh...., you spelled characteristics correctly...

29. What are your biggest goals for this year? How will you work to achieve them? -- get the bills paid off, by manifesting some serious ass money and not spending it on something else.... -- dude....I probably need to goal plan, eh?

30. Where was your favorite place to go as a child and why did you love it there? -- the woods, to be away from humans.

31. Tell me about a challenge you’ve been having at work or school, and ask me for advice on what to do about it. -- I would like more work...? How do I do that?? --- well.....answer me??!!

32. What was the first thing you bought with your own money? - ??idk. I bought my future husband a dagger with my last $60.... <3 -- still have it, even with the chew marks from our first puppy (Dravin)

33. What are you curious about? - every single thing.....please make it stop.

34. What are your top three strengths? Which strengths do you look for in a friend or partner?--- patience???maybe, manifesting power, positivity!!! --- stability, honesty, security.

35. Name four things we have in common -- you can spell, you didn't use the stupid questions found on other websites, you are probably a girl (guys don't do surveys much), and.... you can count.

36. What are your favorite three topics to talk about? -- other worldly stuff (aliens, angels, ghosts, etc), philosophy, stories.

37. What’s your earliest memory? - ?? -- I was disrespected when I was 3, coerced and lied to.

38. How do you express gratitude towards others? Give me an example. -- I don't... fuck them.

39. What are the top three ways to express your love in friendships and in relationships?--- what kind of question is this?... love is not just an expression, love is an acceptance of the all. No wonder people break up.

40. In what situations do you feel most comfortable sharing your perspective?--- when people ask for it. I mean really ask for my opinion, lol. Or when I'm tired of hearing their bullshit.

41. Who’s someone you really admire? -- my very good friend.

42. How do you like to be comforted when you’re upset?-- with cold hard cash.

43. What would you do on your “perfect” day? -- ??? what? today is perfect, did you miss it?

44. In 10 years, how would you like to describe your life? -- fucking FANTASTIC!

45. If you had $100,000 to give away to any cause, which cause would you choose and why? -- NO.
I'd rather burn the money in front of everyone than give it away to some cause. that would be AMAZING!

46. Where are the top three places you want to travel to some day, and why? - Australia, Switzerland, Scotland, Iceland, Norway, New Zealand, Palawon, St. Lucia, Rio, Chili, Canada, Arizona, Montana, Japan, Ireland, Netherlands, Balkins, Maldives, Bora Bora, Hawaii, ..... why? Because.

47. If you could have any job you wanted, that would it be? - Screenwriter

48. Tell me about a day you had that you’ll never forget. - that day I met that angel in Walgreens. There are lots of days....

49. If there were 26 hours in a day, what would you do more of? - sleep

50. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it yet? - I do what I want. Or I'm working on it.

51. What moments or events during your childhood shaped who you are now?--- that time I was disrespected when I was 3 -- those other times.... fuck all that. I was who I was at three...still the same actually, just with a larger vocabulary.

52. What do you think about most? --- stories....book 5....my script.... my next screenplay..... how to stay grounded enough to function in this world.... art...crafts...travel.....fitness I should be doing but ain't, lol....book 5 certain scenes....writing....flowers....trees.....hiking....travel.....staying in the flow....my kids....money...book 5 that same scene.....my script.....the beach....  the kids... my next screenplay....my books being written as a screenplay.....book 5 again..... how to get the youngest off the computer... energy....flow....sleep.....wait...do I have to do chauffeuring again? .....dinner.....stories....book 5.....the trees....sunshine=warm.. ..art....travel.... photography....book 5 that scene!!.... need to finish health book for Teir's schoolwork..... thirsty.... sex
Book 5....THAT SCENE!!! ....need to meditate.... plans.... 4runners.... book 5. UGH!

You see my issue here, eh?
Later, beeswax snazberries of Gummy glen fandom.
We'll take you out back and show you the rope dealing and card slapping business of
the afternoon swaziland miracle hour.

$$ is on the way

Day 73
---
---
There are 7's followed by a number on the temp gauge
for the next week.
Finally!
All my babies in the yard are being born!!!
I'll show you when it's not raining....or dark.

The IRS has finally decided to process my return...
well, howdy fucking doo....
that only took a month.
I'm still awaiting....
$$ (2) checks in the mail.
$$ from this
$$ from that
$$ from the other
and $$ from the other's shadow
who will be the winner....?
I would certainly like to get $$ from the casino too.
Let's hope they win...I mean I  WIN!!!! $$$$$$$$
I'm going to cut out some debts.
In other words pay nonpeople off.

Tip of the day
"If you want more money, cut out whatever is consuming it."

(that would really be Wells Fargo...,
but MasterCard will have to suffice)
or Publix.... food costs are.... well, you know.

So.....
What's new....?
I didn't do anything on my list yesterday...
but I intend to today...tonight.
so ...
watch Blade Runner 2049
clean craft room
and put Butter to bed
and finish the beat cards for Victory.

I didn't get my script back yet :(
so no editing :(

______________________________________________

ok, gonna get off computer and get to doing stuff.
Time for the bird to go to sleep.
He's currently tossing around a masterlock on the floor.

Decisions are easy if you type them out.

Day 72
---
of  90
______

Don't you just hate it when decisions aren't plain as day?

I've been thinking...for months and months...
And I won't decide....everything is too vague.
I'm in a dilemma.
Then the thought just makes its rounds again in my head.
Should I, shouldn't I?
Would I, will I?
Why?
What for?
....argh...
if you have to justify it, lose it.
isn't that one of the tips on how to decide?
if it feels good, do it.
that's another trick in knowing...
But I more or less want an easy way to reach a result.
this would be an easy way, although not prime...
Which means...
I have to decline.
I'm only here to choose the prime life.
Fuck yeah!

Does that mean I'll have to do it the 'hard' way?
Fuck yeah! I love the hard way!
...hmmm....that sounds...don't go there... O_O

Now I need to schedule my time a bit better....
I mean, schedule my time...period.
Yeah! Feels great making decisions!
Thank you!
_______________________________________________

I'm working on my beat cards for Victory.
I'm thinking it's too short, but we'll see once it's up on the board.
I also am in need of a name....for a fox.

List for today...
Dinner
Watch Blade Runner 2049 while working on the beat cards.
Dishes
Manifest some money
Meditate
clean craft room....yeah I didn't do it yesterday.

My script might be back from one of my proofreaders, tonight?


_____________________________________________
Tomorrow ---
Chauffeur
Walking if its not raining
Chauffeur again.
Chauffeur AGAIN, wtf! I should get paid for this.
Clean storage room. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Listen to loud ass music to drown out my resistance to it
__________________________________________________

 Is it nap time...no...
dinner time...have to go cook.

Bye, turpentine eaters of Norway.
Lick up those caustic nails of irrational menageries.

Writing for the Masses

Day 71
---
---
That's right. Day 71
It's Valentine's day!
and I love you.
---
I have some crocus popping up in the yard.
Mind you that I planted over 300 bulbs last fall.
random places. Cause I'm like that.
If the sun ever comes back and they bloom out...
I'll take a pic for you.
I like taking pics.
I should be a photographer...
oh wait....

A photoshoot sounds fun....
hmmm.
I need my black backdrop though...
and it's being used as a curtain for Butter.
argh
why don't I own black sheets?
wtf... I love the color black.
it probably has something to do with
cat hair...and none of my cats are solid black.
why don't I have a solid black cat??!!!

I could set up bright ass lights and get a black background effect...
that's too much work.
Work...
why don't I have any more orders...
I like my job, kinda need to do it more.
I like taking pictures!
I like houses too.
I want to build a small house.
Why don't I have unrestricted property nearby?
When is the tax sale?
Why won't those people answer their email?
I guess I'll send them a letter.
I have a stamp.
My stamps have Batman on them, lol.
I like Batman.

______________________________________
Movie pitch time!

Title: _____?________( something...Racers??)
It can be animation or live action.
Doesn't matter.
Roller skating/blading.
Teams with kids/teenagers.
Future time, with electric pop out skates.
Goggles, helmets, cool shit.
Think glowing blacklights and obstacles.
Think a race and a target goal.
Large spectator seats around this ...set? tank?
The teams have to negotiate around/through a course
and obstacles to find the ___?___ and make it to the
finish line with the ___?___  before the other team
finds their ___?___.
Think capture the flag, but with skating and blacklights.
And cool fun stuff.
This could save the skating rinks after it gets produced.
How fun would a skating rink be with ramps and cushion walls!

There are other main story parts, but this is the jist of the action.
(US Copyright protected, no stealing)



_______________________________________
 I should write movies...
working on it!
Where is my script??!
Come on proofreaders!!! Dying here!!!
Outlining tomorrow for Victory.
It's Thursday. Thursday fursday.
Victory is a mouse. FYI
There's a fox in it too, but this one talks.

I painted a wall today.
I like the colors.
Might watch a movie.
I still need to clean my craft room and the storage room.
Craft room tonight??
Storage room tomorrow.
Unless I get my script back.
Priorities, yo.
_________________________________________

Why don't they make a real movie like Scooby Doo...
but not stupid. Not the same characters and not Scooby.
Like a group of cool people. They can have a dog, but not
a great dane, or a talking one. Maybe not pot heads either.
Not a van either. They should drive a minivan...
no wait.
A group of parents... trying to figure out the mystery
of where their kids went (because they weren't where
they said they were) and they go on some crazy adventure
trying to find them, in their crossover SUV.
Sometimes making horrible puns about the real Scooby Doo.

Family Comedy, yo!

Feel free to steal this and make it, I'd like to watch it.
____________________________________________

 Gosh, this post is already kinda long.
I haven't said much, haha
Guess I'll go be productive....

Bye! Snapchat buddies of insta-tea and fantasia rosemary stew.
I'll bring you a margarita of honey suckle pie and goulash creme.
Don't forget to flower your tortilla.

Traveling INside.

Day 70
---
---

Tomorrow is St. Valentine's Day
And tomorrow, I will give a gift to the one I love.
Myself.

There are things I want to do.
Things I want to see.
Things I want to hear.
Things I want to say.
Things I want to experience.

I find no reason to deny myself these things.
_________________________________________

Love yourself.
The one inside of you is worth it.
Don't stand before yourself at the end of your age...
and have an ounce of regret within you.
Rage.
RAGE!
Run like they left the gate open.
Don't get caught up in others expectations.
Don't get held back by others limiting beliefs.
Run free.
Escape.
Become wild.
Come home.
Home to your soul.
___________________________________________

Sooo....peeps...what's up?
I'm just chilling...in other words being cold.
Why...??!!
Warm sunshine, please come back.
No news.
Waiting for feedback...omg...
*sigh
maybe a movie....to distract me??
whatev.

Palawan....$64 or less per night.
I can do that.
St. Lucia $500+ per night.
I can do that.
How about Iceland?
Ireland?
Switzerland?
The land of Oz?
Narnia?
Pandora? It's like $120, but you can't spend the night.
Myrtle Beach??eh.. $275 for 3 nights plus gas.
Last minute travel deals from expedia - $54 night package deal
to multiple places....eh.
hmmm...
how about a camping trip....its free.

ok, I'm bored
I might start my outline Thursday.
Thursday sounds good.

Later, peachy flowers of evergreen turbulance and equestrian charms.
I'll see you in the tomorrow morrow land of escapade flashdances.

Sometimes...decisions....

Day 69
---
---

I'm really tired of the cold.
and the numbers on the electric bill.

It's 2ish pm.
Nothing to say, but I have plans later
and probably won't be on the compute.

hmmmm....
doing stuff, I guess.
not really sure what's happening.
just kinda doing whatever.

Might watch some movies today.
Or play video games.
not sure.
I'll decide when I feel like deciding.

no rants.
no raves.
no sharing.
no inspiration.
nothing good.
nothing bad.
just being here, because I have a 90 day commitment.
21 days to go.
waiting for my script feedback.
what's a writer to do without something to write, lol.

.....ok
it's now 2:30 ish
I'm going to paint a wall and watch a movie.
multi-tasking baby!
pick up the oldest at work
dinner
then another movie and clean the craft room.
I have some new projects I want to start on.
at least before I get my script back, or before I
do the outline for Victory.
I might still play video games later tonight.

I'm outta here.

A question for the scorpions....

Day 68
---
---

Well.....today we are feeling rather...
shall I say ...eloquent.
And partially too open.
Open enough to say whatever
comes to mind.
That's my rising sign rearing it's head.
Scorpio.
Although I'm a Pisces. Scorpio has managed
in solidifying the fact that I scare people away.
I'm a bit too critical too.
I really don't give a fuck.
I love you all enough to share that with you.

So!
My script is in the hands of my proofreaders.
So I get a few days off from writing or reading it.
That means I don't have to stay up late on the computer, eh?
I could watch a movie I've been meaning to.
I could finish painting my craft room.
I could go to sleep!!!
I could meditate!
So many choices! And I love that.

I'm taking it that I'll have to travel alone.
No one has asked to be my travel buddy.
Except one person whom I've never met.
Her name is Jodi, she lives in a camper trailer.
She's a inspirational speaker.
I'm always up for inspiration.


dude...I still need to clean my storage room.
new work people to call tomorrow.
otherwise...
playing chauffeur all week.
haven't decided to do the realtor thing or not.
I want to go hiking...fuck
stop being cold and rainy!

_____________________________________________

wwooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooooOOOOoo
I've got nothing to saaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy.......
Want to play a game?
Not my games?....ok...I see then....
then I'll play ALONE!
Like I'll travel ALONE!
Not quite the 'Honest Game' which we've already discussed...
this one is more quick and to the point.
But you still have to be completely honest.
1) Ask a question that makes you cringe. Or one that you
don't want to answer. Because you'll feel judged or sorry
for yourself, or some other bullshit reason.
2) answer it anyway. truthfully.

I'll go find a deep dark questionnaire, because I don't have questions I won't answer... hang on a sec.
ok, they are all STUPID! No wonder the world is the way it is.... omg, these are not deep nor dark... but I will copy/paste and deal.....geesh.

---Where would you like to be in 5 years? - traveling to Australia.

 ---What was the experience that impacted you the most in your life? - those times I lucid-dreamed of Jesus Christ.

 ---What type of relationship did you have with your parents? - dude, my mom lives 4 minutes away. All good. We go gambling together! What do you think? My dad lives in Wyoming??? I think. I wonder if he's near Jackson Hole? I'd like to visit there. Relationship. nonexistant, except for the random posts he posts on facebook.
or did you mean god the father? he's me... god the mother... she's me too. god the son... me too! Yay!

 ---Would you be with someone who doesn’t have the same beliefs as you? - I already am.

 ---How would your best friends describe you? - what the fuck are those??! oh wait, I have a very good friend... he says I'm bratty... O_O

 ---Do you usually follow your heart or your head? - ummm. both. My heart decides. My head complies and obeys.

 ---Would you put your family or your friends first if you had to choose one? Myself. Kids. Do I know you, do I like you, then you're next.

 ---What did your last relationship teach you? - what does this mean?? I've been married for 18 years. If you're talking about any relationship.... I was taught to go with the flow and clear out stagnant energy pools by a seraphim named Ebonel.

 ---Do you prefer dating just one person and see where it goes or dating multiple people until you make a decision? - I didn't waste my time dating. I knew when I knew. ..well...shit, I knew before I even dated. WTF Jennifer! I thought you liked to be surprised! Guess not.

 ---What are the qualities you’re looking for in someone you want to grow old with? - what?? I'm not going to grow old,. Fuck that shit

 ---What are you most grateful for in your life? - everything.

 ----If you could change anything about your past, what would it be? - nothing

 ---What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself today and why? - nothing.
 
--- If you knew that you only had one year to live, what would you change in your life? nothing

^^^^^Rant: why the hell are these questions asking to change something. You can't change the past or future, they don't fucking exist!!! As for the present.... you don't change anything, you CHOOSE something DIFFERENT!  Get with the program folks!

---Where do you go when you need some inspiration? - in my mind... or pinterest.. or deviantart.com

---Who is the first person you call when you’re in trouble? - trouble? is that still going around?


---What is the craziest thing that you’ve done with someone? - I made babies. No one ever wants to have crazy fun... :(

---What is the best advice you’ve ever been given? - the best??? holy shit, idfk. I will give you whatever you give yourself?

---If you could marry anyone in the world, who would it be and why? - my husband

---Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger? - NO!

---Did you ever judge someone for the dark secrets they told you? - no!

---If you could choose one superpower, what would it be and why? - hmmmm... teleportation. To get the fuck away from these stupid ass questions.

---What is your biggest regret in life so far? - None ....wtf...so far?? It's not like you choose to have a regret dumbass! People choose what they think is the right path to take, if they had known better they would have done better! I hate this stupid questionnaire!

---What was your favorite romantic moment and why? - ...uuuuhhhh am I allowed to answer this... There's a part in my book...book 5 (not written yet) where...oooohhh... yes, that scene. - because its fucking hot!

---What is your favorite childhood memory? - that time I punched my half-sister in the face for marking on Charlie!!! - That time my mom cussed out the people at the high school when I dropped out. - That time ....wait...we're not in childhood anymore?....fuck.

---Are you still in touch with your childhood friends? - you mean my invisible friend... no. the others...no.

---What do you do when you’re angry? - I swallow it up and alchemize its ass to dust. Flow baby, flow.

---What are your beliefs on God? God is in me. and you. God is energy. Inner - G.  All.

---Do you believe in soul mates? I think this term was made up by some idiot. Soul groups with people you recognize when you come to being on earth, yes.... soul mates... eh, idk. the meaning of this has become skewed. I can't answer it without fixing its definition.

---How long does it take you to really trust someone? - the question you should be asking is.. How long does it take for you to trust yourself? that's your answer.

Damn, that was a waste of time. Feel free to carry on wayward son. I'm out.
I'll need to find real questions before I do another one of those! Yikes!

Flowing is without toil.

Day 67
---

---

---

Do you ask the boat why it has come here?
Or do you ask the captain?
One suffers and performs.
The other enjoys the ride.
One carries.
While the other is carried.
This is you. This is your body.
Why do you struggle so?
Does the captain lift the ship?
Nay, for he only steers it.
He neither battles the wind, nor the sea.
So why do you?
There is no battle....
except the one inside yourself.
_________________________________

I can't stay long.
doing a 3rd pass through my script.
day 7 of 7 I think.
Will send it to my proofreader/editor tomorrow.
Once I get it back.
Another pass, then maybe another.
It'll be fun.
I like reading it.
I'd like watching it much better.

Does the future exist anymore?
I can't seem to find it.
It's strange...living in the flow.
Anything could happen. At any moment.
All things are possible.
When you are in it.....
there's no such thing as want.
it just .... is
everything is inside of you already.
Everything.
There's nowhere to go, do, be, have, want...
just.... IS

This is truth.

HEADS UP - I need a travel buddy.
I'm not going off to some awesome place alone.
Well, without another human to help be responsible.
Lots of hiking.
Lots of pictures.
Lots of nature.
I'm taking names. Write me.
Calling is okay.... but I like writing better.

3 minutes left....
yes, I'm watching the time.
50 pages left on my script yo.
I don't want to stay up until 5am again.
not cool.
anyway, I have to go to the store tomorrow.
and pick up rocks.

See you tomorrow hippie hashbrowns of cinnamon sauce and pancake batter.
Be sure to fill up the sundae mocha train yards with flour tortillas and buffalo bungies.

Space Spiders....because it sounds better than on a plane.

Day 66
---
The irony....
I'm reading the script for Shrek.
Its great and all except you can't help but hear
Shrek's voice and donkey's, ugh!
I can totally do this....write scripts.
This is easy!
Assuming I really don't have to have
my structure lined up perfectly....
which I don't.
The script for Frozen is really good too.
Until Olaf starts talking...cause you hear his voice!

Day 6 of 7 script editing.
Almost done with round 2.
Will do both that and most of round 3 tonight.
Hopefully I can get to bed before 2am.


The new company I signed up with is on the ball.
Nice.
Picked up rent $ today.
Nicer.
_______________________________________


I'm on this screenwriting group on facebook.
They've reminded me how writing and storytelling
is an art. A piece of art.
A masterpiece.
I have never let anyone tell me how to do art.
Oh, they've tried, those dear souls....
But I am the Masterpiece.
It is my craft.
Bringing the magic within, out.
Alchemy.
I'm already an alchemist.
Already an artist.
But not like you....not like you.


Welcome home.
_______________________________________

Low budget...
Movie plot
Sci fi + horror =  Aranea
You've never seen spiders so sexy!

A research spaceship travels to distant planet.
While there, a curious large 8-legged friend
decides to use their ship as a home.

The crew, after completing their mission,
takes off and heads back home. Unaware of
their new passenger.
The spider, however, is a mimic and can imitate the form
of her prey.
Spider takes shape of human female and
seduces crew members one by one.

Blood - Gore - Sex - A crew in panic.
Will they make it home....alive?

Free for anyone's use until/unless I start writing it.


______________________________________

What up, chippies?
Want some insight today?
Then look inside.

uuuuuuhhhhhhh.....

i don't know what to tell you.
what's coming through right now....hmmmm.
... its just space ...
energy flows.... smoothly.
all things are taken care of.
I already chose them to be so.
the flow is moving so (fast?), unhindered...
that is appears solid.
but its not.
like this...
"laminar flow"

hopefully that video works...if not, click HERE <-----
that is what it feels like right now.
what else is coming through?

"Solidifying"
energy attracts matter
energy moves matter
Moving you across the universe.
stay in the flow...and you won't
have to do anything.
Only when you are out of flow, should
you realign with the flow and get back in it.
You don't have to move the universe.....
Let it move you.
Through you.

How far is the north pole from the south pole.....
if you are the earth?
The same as your hands....
the same as you and your dreams.
the same as you and me.
_____________________________________

After 9....totally gotta get to writing.editing/formatting
Chow, handsome pina coladas of sunshine and squash buttons!
Be sure to put those rose munchies under the safflower scones!

With a wave of the magic wand, your troubles will all be gone...

Day 65

--

"I choose to just have what I want."
That simple.
No explanation needed.
Fuck that shit that says you have to 'do' anything
to get what you want.
Nope. I disagree.
I do not accept.
I have too much proof of the contrary.
I believe in magic.
Or the Law of Attraction.
Or God.
Or Universal alchemy.
Or whatever you want to call it.
Technically...all of the above.

So get out of my way.
Don't dam up my flow.
Don't tell me it's hard.
Don't tell me it's impossible.
Don't tell me your lies.
Shhhhh.
Sit back.
Relax.
Be the spectator...
and watch the magic show.
____________________________________________

I'm signing up with another inspection company too.
So now I work for 2 people, lol.
Somebody will send me work eventually, right?
LOL!!
I kinda like taking pictures of houses.
I like houses, alright.
I should go get my realtor's license.
It's cheap, it's easy.
and I get to hang out with houses, yo!
and do that other stuff they say you do....ha, yeah right.
(I like that 'yo' thing although I never actually say it)

Day 5 of 7 script editing.
First round is done.
Tonight is round 2. Of realigning my structure and flow check.
Then a round 3 tomorrow. Of flow check and dialogue.
Last round of rechecking every format, heading, action, transition,etc.
will be after that.
Then I get the oldest to read through and correct everything I missed.
Yes, I have to pay for that service.
But someone knows English better than me, apparently.
I still feel good about my chances of not sucking as bad as they
say that new screenwriters suck.
It may still suck, but not as bad as some I've read from others.
I'll need to register it....$35
I might just enter it into a competition. $45
It might get rejected, lol. I'm okay with that.
It might not. I'm okay with that.
At least it will be out of my head and I can start on Victory.
Or Witches of the Sea. Or The Perfect Man. Or Polybius.
Or those others I don't have a name for.

 Picking up rent money tomorrow. Finally.
More at the end of the month. Or so they say.
____________________________________________

Were we going to get insightful today?
hmmmm....
I can rant.... or I can get fired up with inspiration.
but neither will help you....

--- "I will not give you what you will not give yourself."

Think about that for a bit, will ya?
That's the same phrase as....

--- "I will give you whatever you will give yourself."

but reworded.
The first came from a book. "Conversations with God."
Where the author convos with God and writes it all down.
I've done this before, so I know he's not faking it.
I haven't kept up with doing it though.


The second came from an angel who dwells in the chakra
above my crown chakra. Just below the white diamond thingy.
Yeah, I know. Vague.

I can get detailed about the ether world if you want me to.
I actually already have, but you probably didn't know
what I was talking about.

I'm lost in this mess.... and in a script.

Day 64
--

I think my procrastination issue has
flipped on me.
I want to freaking get to working.
On my script, obviously.
But wait, there's more....
first I have to cook dinner. Aww.
Then pick up the oldest at job training.
Which is 30 freaking minutes away. Argh!
I'm 75 pages in on a now 105 page script...
even though I do have to cut some things.
My structure was right on cue.
And then I went and edited it and am about 5 pages off.
So, I 'm gonna cut some camera angle stuff.
And some Shot headings I don't need.
This will be day 4 of 7 of script editing.
Learning is a process, yo.

I'm on level 28
for my list.
I don't know why the heck I even put this on there.
But I get to "Clean the storage room".
Have you seen my storage room?
wait...I'll take a pic...

Do you see that?
What was I thinking?!
oh...it has something to do with Feng Shui.
Ya know, clearing out clutter to you can
freaking function without cluttering your mind.
Talking everyone else into getting rid of
this stuff is the actual challenge.
Stockdale's can have their buggy back.


_______________________________________

whoops forget I was still writing on this.
I'm working on my script, yo!
Time means NOTHING!

Anywho...
I like these screenwriting groups so far.
I feel totally awesome,
because...
my script doesn't look or sound so bad after all!
Yay for first tries!
And the book I have right here in my lap
that I keep looking through to find info
so I don't do it wrong!
And I can spell rather well, thank you.
unless it's the word 'from'
sometimes there's a delay in the keyboard and it will type
'form' instead.
oh well.

Maybe tomorrow we can get real!
Or insightful.
Or something fun.

Bye, gucci bunnies of soft liverpool bouncy beans.
Have some Parmesan spice with that tamale.

No, Youtube, I can't live here with you.

Day 63

why is it still cold?
brrrr.

Level 27 is finished
got the car back today.
kinda glad, as the truck isn't my cup of tea.
So off to write out the list for Level 28

Youngest's birthday today. He's 14
He's hounding me to go get some fries
from Five Guys, and a shake.
His birthday dinner, apparently.

I just joined like 6 screenwriting groups.
Because I evidently don't have anything better
to do than to sink my time further into facebook.

______________________________________

Day 3 of 7 to edit this script.
I'm slightly more than half way.
I could probably finish it.
But I'm still trying to finish this blog post, lol.
It's now 10:32pm
what have I done the last 2 hours?
I've done forgotten.
Nothing much.
Browsing Amazon.
for stacking cups and baby toys
for Butter.
Watching youtube videos...
random useless mind numbing procrastination videos
some about talented kid singers, some with cockatoos
some with people getting into fights on airplanes
or the TSA dragging people off of planes, lol.
I might have to reconsider my travel plans. O_O
I successfully evaded any cat videos though
hence the reason I'm back here and no longer there.
Why do I do this?
Where's this resistance coming from??!
Where have I gone?

Ugh...
I'm gonna go have a piece of cake.
Fuck it.
I might be back to work on editing.
I might not.
I don't know.
Going with the flow.
and right now the flow says 'chocolate'.
what it says next ... who knows?

You need a key to enter this door.

Day 62 ---

I got the youngest an early birthday present.
A few thousand fish. Literately.

Insights for today...uhhh...?
I'm not sure anything is coming through as of yet.
I have some upcoming plans.
This week, this month, this year, this decade.
They aren't logged on my calendar, don't need to be.
I'll know exactly when to do them when I need to.
Flowing is like that.
Makes things simpler than simple.

I saw the car today. It was running.
They haven't called to say it was done though.

Know what I find a conundrum?
The fact I can't tell everyone about scenes in my script.
As it would ruin it when you get to watch it.
There's some really funny parts.
I guess I need to keep my mouth shut until
you see it at the theaters. O_O
Only a year, or two, or three away, eh?

Why is it so cold?
Ready for spring.
unless it snows, I'll take snow.
Lots of it.

_____________________________________
You know that feeling, where you're nervous to do/say something...
but you just have to?
But you're also nervous if it works, or the other person says yes...
you have to follow through.
Even if it's something totally implausible or beyond what your
mind can conceive at the moment.
But then you open up, and just let the Universe take over...
and things start aligning and you feel like you're on one of
those moving walkways like at airports and there's no turning around.
There's no effort needed by you, except to get on the ride.
And you get on the plane....the one that takes you higher.
and shit just magically appears or happens and you get
exactly what you wanted.
Yeah....I conquer nervousness like a boss.
... O_O ...

Like a boss.
Have you ever played a video game?
You get through the level or dungeon or whatnot and
just before the end, you have to battle a very big ugly thing
that's trying to stop you. That guy is called the 'Boss'
Once you defeat it though, you get the treasure and
go on to the next level.
So..... this means.... that if you are facing something
that makes you feel nervous, anxious, fearful, worried...
those are the 'bosses'....
You need to break through them, defeat them, conquer them
in order to move forward and earn your reward.
Sometimes dungeons have 'mini bosses', then a main big
'boss' at the end.
Keep freaking going.
Conquer them all.
Beat the game, don't just win it.

Surfing these waves.

Day 61

Lesson: number 'no one is counting'
Follow the wave....
Surf on it.
When you feel it pulling,
act immediately with the first step.
Don't wait.
Don't hesitate.
Don't figure it out.
Flow. Unlimited.
 ________________________________________


I've noticed something about myself.
I research my great ideas...
and then when I'm beaten down with the
obvious difficulties...
(like physical, monetary, or because they seem really freaking hard.)
I try to limit them.
I try to make them lesser.
I do whatever to make them seem easier.
More attainable.
Cheaper.

What a shame.
Turning Gods into peasants.

So I've decided.
I'm not going to agree to that.
That contract had been breached.
It is now null and void.

Because often.... I follow my great ideas.
and because I have lessened them...
I had the lesser version of them.
It's not because they were easy.
Or because they were cheaper.
I would have reached my goals regardless of any of that.
So...
I'm deciding not to make anything less than.

Why get a used 4runner with 30k miles.
When I can just drive off the lot with a brand new one.
Why ponder how to make cabin building simpler.
When I can get someone else to build it.
Why get stuck trying to do anything.
Just do it.
And do it the way that feels the best.
Even if it costs more.
Or takes longer.
Or you get someone else to handle it.

Make all the decisions out of love. Not fear.
follow the wave.
_____________________________________________

Just some insight in my daily life here.
Doing nothing today, but cooking dinner.
We're having roast and fresh rolls, and potatoes and veggies.
Come over if you'd like. Dinner is at 6-ish.

Today is the beginning of 'Finish the Script Week!'
7 days of it getting done.
7 days of watching for opening doors, so that when
it's finished, maybe I can get that reward.
Of course, now that I've decided not to lessen shit...
I won't have a plan b reward.
This sounds fantastic and slightly terrifying.
Like I said...two tickets, and a place to sleep for 3 nights.
not on this side of America....

Need to hunt down birthday presents tomorrow.
? ? ? ? ? ? ?  14 = 14 times the presents... or so he says.

Work....um... waiting for orders. Come one people.
I would like to make some money by actually working.
Ya know, so everyone else won't feel jealous of my
manifesting skills.
'Where did you get this money?'
'Um....'
'Job?'
'No.'
'Donation?'
'No.'
'Did you find it?'
'Ummmm....'
'WHERE DID YOU GET THIS MONEY?!!'
'I asked for it...?'
'From who?'
'Um...'
*glares
'The Universe.' *shrugs
'Whatever, Jennifer.' *walks away upset because they don't believe in magic.

Have a great day alien pumpernickel cupcakes with rosemary glitter on top!

Splashing around

Day 60

That's 2/3 of the way to completion.
I have a hunch of what I want to reward myself with.
It's requires a ticket...well, two tickets. And somewhere to sleep.
Is it too much?
Is it too far?
I'm opening the door for the opportunity to accept this.

Check list of stuff to do today so I won't have to do it later.
1) dinner
2) play BoTW
3) pick up the oldest
4) paint wall
5) watch a movie

Tomorrow I'll be getting back at my script.
7 days to get it done.

Finished that book I was reading.
It was okay.
Okay enough to keep for now.
________________________________________________

There's a rushing fountain.
It's gushing through like a waterfall.
But it's shooting up as well.
Spraying every which way.
Raining.
You're larger than you think you are.
You're bigger than you think you are.
You're stronger than you think you are.

Oh courageous one.
Let it flow....
not like a babbling brook...
not like a creekside puddle...
not like a meandering stream.
Oh no, not you child.
You are the geyser.
And the waterfall.
Raging like the rapids.
Shooting out into chaos.
______________________________________________

Stamp of approval

Day 59

Feeling like the edge is hovering before me.
Like I have this short amount of time to prepare.
Not that one could prepare for the unknown.
The next step is the leap.
It's the jump.
It's the fall.
Except you never fall.
You fly.
You have to let go of what's in your hands...
to reach for something greater.
Or in this case.
You have to step away from where you are...
to get where you are going.

The council has adjourned.
It looks like I was approved.
But I'm not quite sure which part, exactly?
Hopefully all of it.
I did make my requests known.
All of them.
Even had to confirm the paperwork.
Not that there's real paperwork...
it's more like a ...
"Do you accept?" question.
and when you say "I accept."
that's your signature.
This acceptance also includes having to
let go of the things that would not serve me
in the upcoming shift.
Even though I may find them useful now....
The acceptance of the approval is the relinquishing
of the old.
Like getting to wear a new uniform when you get
promoted to the corner office on the top floor.
You don't have to wear what the new hires wear...
You get to wear a suit. You get a secretary. And aide.
A bodyguard. A whole brigade if it calls for it.
You also don't have the same work space.
Things change...and they change quickly.
But all for the betterment of your soul.
Even if you would miss your co-workers.
I'll share what happens once I see for myself.
 ___________________________________________

I'm also slightly unnerved.
The one I'm working with recently...
the third of four.
They said I'm good to go.
I'm thinking I want to spend more time with them.
I feel like I'm not quite ready for the next one.
How could it be that easy? That quick?
I feel I perhaps skipped over too much, too fast.
Are they sure? How could I possibly be done?
Wait, can't we talk about this?


The fourth is far off, somewhere behind me.
But they are looking my way.
O_O
___________________________________________

Kids group meet up today.
Dinner.
Here now.
Don't know what I'm doing next.
Maybe a movie.
Maybe paint a wall.
Maybe go play BoTW
Maybe read more of this book I'm reading, almost finished.
Truthfully I'm distracting myself.
Need to take time to recenter and figure out
what I really want to do.
Even if it's just for tonight.

No plans.

Day 58

Where are we today?
Right where we are.
The outside life is trying to keep up.
To keep up with this inside life.
I'll know where I'm at before life will reveal it.
Sounds exciting, no?

Been watching these...again.
To align with where I am now, versus
where I was when I first saw them.

https://kylecease.com/100-day-self-connection-experiment/
they're a little slow paced, but still worth rewatching.

Hmmm.
Nothing going on here.
Kinda tired.
No plans unless the kids are wanting
to go to the teen group meetup tomorrow.
Reading a book, but it's almost too simple.
Already half way through. And only
gathered a small amount of useful info from it.
Probably too simple for where I'm at.
then again, I think many of these attempts
to gain more info cause me to slide back much
further than where I was.
It's weird. Then again, maybe it only feels that way.
Like this third eye book I read.
It made things feel so much harder....
but afterwards all these things started coming through.
Like the angels and stuff. I know, weird right?
I don't even use the techniques in that book anymore.
Well, if I want to sleep, I don't.
Otherwise I only get weird shit when something
bad happens in the world.

Anywho...
I've got nothing more to share today.
Later sunday hat farmers of karaoke juju bars.