Shattered into galaxies....the moon rises when the earth falls

Oh, the broken parts of me....how they look like diamonds.

Beaten and dragged through the darkness, blood smearing like paint across the canvas.
What magnificent art I shall be.

This masterpiece is almost finished....and even as this soul, mind, and body gets tossed about.....
there's nothing that can keep the corner of my mouth from raising a tad.
For she knows what's coming...even if the rest of her can't quite grasp the truth of it.

Perhaps the idea that waiting until the new year to begin a resolution....a revelation would suffice....
but the truth is....
this one is a rebel.... and she says it will happen now.

The truth is....
                     ....
                         ....
                             ....

Exulansis (you'd be glad to hear that you still have a few more days with me)

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed

 -- - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - -- - -- - - - - - - - -- - - -- - -

I had a rather disturbing dream last night....
aliens...ugh. that and a few sick dogs (not mine, they were huskies)
but at least the neighbor didn't get buried by books, the other neighbor's house didn't
get damaged and a blue ferris wheel didn't fall apart, hurting some girls.
but I really dislike alien dreams....this was the second in 2 days with aliens.
but at least I managed to compliment them in both dreams...
the first I broke the code and told the one lady that she looked adorable, like an
old lady couch, one guy looked kinda like shrek, which he was just annoyed with that compliment, another boy was a bit scared of me because I was invading his personal space while examining his eyes.
.....last night I complimented the alien lady and said she looked gorgeous....
because I wasn't sure if she was going to kill me....she gave me a hug and then asked my question about whether 'they' (her kind) were going to hurt us...
she said 'no'....real friendly like, but then hesitated and said.. 'well, maybe.'
and I said... you mean people who want to be altered, right? that us humans need time to adjust...
and she said that 'it really wasn't up to her.'  --- ugh!  then stupid ufos appeared outside and they were using a liquid gas to appear invisible in the skies, but the gas was released from their mirror like cover and they started turning their correct black color. Ugh...I couldn't move when I saw them like a gravitational immobilization thing was happening...and woke up.
there were also two small little insect like aliens that 'woke up' - I was yelling that to at this general dude, but he didn't seem to care. Johnny Depp and Tom Hanks also managed to be in this dream along with some sketchy guy. idfk.

Ok, so today I was given the answer to this thing...sorry can't tell you....but I'm 100% positive I am in fact not losing my mind. It is almost beyond comprehension and I'm still absorbing it....on top of certain occurrences that have been leading me....I'm somewhat terrified and in awe.
This is cool....almost like how it was actually seeing a real UFO a long time ago...that awe and an underlying fear....
let's add in this song above.....but now...I can't really tell you that either...nevermind.
I'm not here to tell you anything.
But I will know here shortly. Soon. very soon...I can feel the fluxation.....it's going to be a blast. And I'm just over here like .... here's your popcorn...lol.
I hope no one takes that as a bad pun....see what I did there and I haven't even made it to the future yet.
well, I have...but not in the conscience of this material dimension....kinda...? I've been seeing things...
I recently realized that by the time the ships that carry passengers to the space port (or moon/Mars) I'll be a young teenager (again) on a bicycle. I've already seen them. Not to mention a few other things that have been spilled onto my side of the glass.



Exulansis:
(n) The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

^^ see that....just found it, ha. perfecto.

Thar she blows? .....

There's a wind blowing in the far distant desert.
Kicking up the sands like a whirlwind of truth.
It feels like the moment that comes just before ignition.
An ignition that initiates a bomb beyond proportions.
Where you think you have it, but it's just past your reach.
Just past your fingertips.
But it's also too late to turn back.
Why would you want to though.
There's nothing stopping this fuse.
Nothing that is going to delay the onset of an explosion.
Like the cracking of an egg....like the cracking of the outer molten layer of a star.
She's ready to explode in a fury of power.
A raging brightness that will blind the unprepared.
She will burn.
Continuous.
Forevermore.
Welcome home.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Is it a sad thought to know that you haven't had the energy to converse with your friends.
Even if they are not in the material realm.
Too tired to stay awake, even for a few words with them.
I miss them. I miss their voices.
I've been spending time with dragons lately, until the wee hours.
Until my eyes persist in closing and my mind can no longer hold onto the story.
The dragons and me, we've been living an adventure until I am forced to sleep.
And my friends....they watch as I'm caught up in the dance with words.
They watch silently, not wanting to interrupt, but knowing I'm in a different world.
Even a world different from where they are, from where my body is.
How many places can I really be at once?
I wonder if the star about to be burst open knows where she lies in the heavens.
I wonder how much she'll know, how much she'll see, how much she'll hear.
What will she bring light to?
Each one of these worlds are going to feel her. They are going to know her.
And embrace her.
Think of the stories she'll be able to tell. The songs she'll be able to sing.
My friends have already met her, but I'm waiting, anticipating on seeing who she is.
Remembering who she is.

There's a star hidden somewhere in that octahedron....

Just like the seven continents..... if you ate (eight) them, what would they taste like?
???
I'm not sure about these puns.... I'm not sure about a lot of things.

I think I will go out and just choose a side.... and that side is going to be mine.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There's a definite big bold line that lingers between reality as you call it....
and reality that I call it.
A massive difference between the world you live in....
and the world I live in.
Even if I'm all alone....
I will choose to live at home. Where I am. Who I am. What I am.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I'm not sure why I keep searching for clues in your world to help make sense of mine.
Sometimes there's benefits, sometimes things make some sort of sense.
Sometimes a spark shines just enough for me to find my way.
But it's not enough.
Your world is not enough.
Maybe it is for you.... but your skies are clouded.
.... your words are confusing.
.... your songs are not complete.
.... your stars are hidden away.
Your world is not enough for me.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I keep trying.... but I wasn't made for you.
I keep giving.... but you don't want it.
I speak.... but you can not understand.
I smile.... but you don't smile back.
What does that do to a child....?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Stars weren't meant to live on earth.
They live in the heavens.
So you see why I have to go.
You won't understand.... but it's okay.
One doesn't have to understand the stars.
Or know them, or look at them, or hear their songs.
Or appreciate them, or thank them, or anything.
You owe us nothing. You owe me nothing.
I love you as you are, as you were, and as you will become.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _

What does a whale wear when he gets cold? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A trench coat!

There are shadows behind every great ornament of light.
The light stretches and shines out radiantly into the expanse.
Sometimes though, our own selves stand in the way of where the light can go.
Behind us lies the shadow.
If we delve into it we wonder why we see such suffering, when it's truly not there.
It is only the lack of illumination that forces us to see the unknown.

Inside these shadows lie pain, suffering, mystery.
Inside these shadows lie dragons.
Dragons lurking to attack.
Sometimes I forget that these are my shadows.
But sometimes....the dragons and I....we walk together in the dark.
These dragons....they teach me. They lead me around in the shadows ready to devour the dark.
One day they will have eaten it all up.
And as I walk beside them, the light begins to pour in.....
Facing the dragons, with their teeth and claws, scales and horns....
I realize they weren't really dragons at all....
Only my mind thought of them that way while I lingered in the darkness.
But in the light....they looked more like angels.
With their wings and halos, spears and piercing eyes.

I look back at the light, noticing that it is no longer just shining out....
It is becoming...growing everywhere with no beginning, no end.
These creatures, these creations, the dragons, the angels, and myself....
What will we look like next? How will we perceive ourselves?
What will become of us.
Getting swallowed up by the light.

_____________________________________________________________________

They were casting jokes about my head for awhile.
Laughing at each one and trying to top the other.

"What do you say to a whale who ran away to the back door?"
"Whale Come Home!" (Welcome home)
they would laugh....

"What do you say to a whale who just finished cooking?"
"Whale done!" (Well done)

then they would repeat this phrase as if I needed to take it back with me...

"The whale puns are locked and loaded."
   (The weapons are locked and loaded?) What did that mean?
"The whale puns are locked and loaded."

I don't know who they were or why they were harassing me with whale jokes.
Then, synchronicity kicked in. I see this link with the title saying the San Andreas fault is locked and loaded and ready to blow.
No biggie....of course scrolling down on the link brought me to a map diagram of the fault line....which looked like a fucking whale head. WTF.

"Thar she blows!" One of them would cackle.

Somewhere on the page said it was bound to happen, taking it's time....well yeah, it's supposed to go one day, we've all been aware of it forever. Who cares? Why is it taking its time?

"Becaaaause whaaaales arrrre sloooooooow!" The other called out in his best Dory whale speak.

So, yeah....the next day it was fruit jokes....
and I can't remember any of them except for the one pun...
"It is fruitile."  (It is futile)
"It is fruitile." They would repeat.

I'm not sure if they are drunk and having a good time in my head or what. they just showed up...I didn't invite them.
Last night....I had a dream, on a huge shuttle bus....
and there was a joke I was hearing....but instead of really listening, I wrote it down on a little piece of yellow paper (kind like the torn off corner of a phonebook) I wrote it down and stuck it in my pocket.
Now I'm awake.....I have no pockets on me. Great.
I think it might have been another whale pun.

_ _   _ _ _ _  _  __ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

So yeah. My life. 

Fast decisions.....why would I think it through?

If the sky should fall...we'd all become the stars....


This isn't a game.
This is a sense of remembering.
Remembering not just who we are, but what, but why.
Feel that? That pressure, that persistent force trying to press you down...
The heaviness that has been proven to weigh you down and smother you with
all it's talk of unworthiness and your ability to believe it's filth. Why do you suffer so?
This isn't a game and you don't have to believe. You don't have to.
Unless you want to play, unless you want it to swing you around like a toy and squash you dead.

Resistance.
That unnerving vibration that tells you to fix things. To correct things. To make things
align with your perception.
We have been watching you, and we've seen behind the glass far too often to forget.
The game is over. You've lost another participant.
We will not resist.
Come......come into us and we will alchemize your ass to dust.
You can't make waves on the ocean when you're going this deep.
You can't blow out a star.

Every time it comes...we watch it...and it becomes one with us.
The fear comes and we watch it....and because we see it, it must flow into us and be transmuted to peace.
The worry pokes it head, then we look upon it, and it melts into our fire.
The storms rage upon us and we cast our light over them....and they look so small below us.
Do not resist.....take them in, take them in.
Make them a peace of you.....

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


So we are working on that ^^^
and carrying around a bag of magical beans that are waiting for a place to grow.

Speed is the word of the day.
Which would be better if this keyboard could keep up with my fingers...
We are working on that too...the speed thing.
"Make decisions fast.....the universe likes speed."
Did that...now universe is taking it's turn.
Planned stuff yesterday, made decisions, and working on that.
This human body is doing okay. She's letting me handle things.
She said that this blog is pointless, even if it's fun to come back and read later.
By fun...she means entertainingly awesome..cause she hardly remembers writing any of it....
and it freaks her out a bit...but it was probably me writing it...so take what you will of that.
Perhaps I'm a good writer, even if there isn't many who are ready to receive my wisdom.
It's hard living in a human body. Being a star and all.
Kinda feels claustrophobic and cramped at times, but I'm feeling rather good lately, I get to make all the decisions now, without all that mind mumbo-jumbo trying to snuff out these great ideas. She basically tells me to just do it and fuck everything else.
Yay!
She laughs at me when I do the yay! thing.... I send her a pic of me and that dorky clap of mine and she thinks I'm a nut. Well....we can't all have the opportunity to grow into a majestic tree, now can we? (er...we can, but you people aren't ready for that yet. In time)
So.....blah blah blah....stuff happening...blah blah...


We are still unschooling. (Unschooling for the win!) and it is working.....albeit backwards...but working. The girl is planning her college education and staying up late talking to someone in Alaska. Bird stuff, snake stuff....zoo stuff...  the boy is doing much of nothing but reading Homestuck and playing on the tablet, or with his friend. It's hard to find things to do that are free and don't involve walking at the park (boring to him). So maybe he'll find something cool to do sometime soon...preferably free.
Sewing work is working. Fabric work is working enough. Dog sitting, is okay, but get that bout of resistance when someone needs me, lol. Hence I raised my prices. I like cats better...what can I say.
BadAss Baby...is in the works....whether it works or not...we'll find out in the next 60-90 days.
Sugar Pirates....not working, placed on hold until I can find a solution to get people to buy $20 cookies.
Everything else is scratched....ain't nobody got time fo dat.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Blanket fort sleepover party - we'll play video games and watch movies, do tarot card readings, play music, eat pizza, bake cookies, and a photoshoot included too. More stuff included but not listed.
Who wants to come?
Sometime in summer. July?
** Disclaimer ** FYI - we don't live in society here, time/date/day of the week are not given priority at our house, if you want to come, fucking come, if you don't, then DON'T! No flip-floppers, indecisive fucks, the uncommited, or pansy-ass "I don't know if I can make it", or "I have to work', or "I'll see what I can do", or "That sounds fun...but", or "I'll try" bullshitters allowed! Stay away! Make it a "HELL YES" or don't bother me with your inhibitions. Thank you. ** ** **


Send RSVP to  landofjas@yahoo.com or facebook message me.
(title emails with - Blanket Fort party RSVP) or I'll probably accidentally delete it.

Taxes and shit....

Holey (*pun intended) Fuck (Buck-et)

I just filed my taxes....
i didn't do it their way.
I did it my way and I made more money doing it that way.
Technically I did my taxes twice.... I tried their way....
and they are fucking stupid.

Besides the god awful self-employment tax, I faired well...
It would have been nicer if I actually made more money though,
I would have gotten more...go figure. At least up to a point.
Love me some children, if you know what I mean tax speak.

Anyfuckingwho...
Life is great.
Love you.

Truely holy, holey, wholely...whathaveyou

*sigh.
Not a sigh of relief. Or of frustration. Just of letting go.

We all sometimes feel like a bucket. A bucket, like a metal pail.
And we have these holes in us. Holes that let water leak out unsurrendering.
The bucket is us. The water is ...energy. Be it time, money, focus, whathaveyou.
And we continually try and try to fight against our buckets being leaked dry by our holey selves.
The holes are our attempts. Bills, deadlines, worries...whathaveyou.

But then...
yeah... He comes along and laughs.... but I don't think this struggle is very funny.
He takes our bucket selves and tosses us into the sea, lake, river, whathaveyou.
We become instantly full....constantly full. Nothing leaks out.
Swallowed up by abundance. Drowned in energy...Inner G.

But what good is a bucket sitting at the bottom of a pond....
(It's an analogy you nut head!) my very good friend jests.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _



My shoulder hurts. Violin does that.
I'm tired. Getting up at 7am does that.
But I'm swimming in abundance....best friends do that.

Consult the Cats is up and running.
 http://consultthecats.weebly.com/

I find it rather unfair I couldn't post a paypal link to the website without being forced to pay for it. It's 2016
and they still need to make a buck out of everyone, even if you are just having some fun, trying out random ideas. Sure...go ahead and punish us for doing things ourselves. Fuck you internet.