"Sir?"
"I am here."
"This stuff. This disconnect from me to me to me to me... This." I point.
"You know why." He says. "But I know that is not what you are seeking."
I sit and wait. Silent. Half broody. I'm tired.
"Pieces of you out there, but lost." He begins. "Pieces of you in here."
"I'm not afraid. Let's go." I meet his eyes.
"You can love them without loss. No one can take away what was never theirs."
"What I love is mine." I repeat.
"Yes."
"And I just stopped loving them when I let them go." I sigh.
"Yes." He confirms.
"I can love everything. Make it all mine."
"Yes."
"And this?" I point again.
"Love it too."
"And what is love?"
"The energy that transmutes, creates, and gives life."
"I can do that."
"Once you transmute them all... you will understand how powerful this love is. There will be no returning."
"Sounds fantastic." I smirk.
( he makes me look the word 'fantastic' up...)
"Nevermind. It's good. Real good." I correct.
"Love that does not transmute, is just a word." He states. "Remember the connection and it will pass from you to you to you."
"To you." I add.
"To... you."
_______________________________
How not to make a bad decision...
let's ask, cause I can't write worth a flip to myself anymore.
Yo, Mustang... cans I's borrows you?
"Do not get comfortable with those words."
I smile, cause he showed up super fast and I love it. I love him.
"This prospect.. this opportunity." I say it slow, cause how else do you mention a job opportunity when you don't even want a job. "What do you think?"
"You have fed into doubts even before you have walked through the door." He mentions. "Remarkable."
He rolls his eyes. He knows this can be a huge pattern of mine.
"I'm trying to talk myself out of it. Trying to pick out all the bad things. For me and them." I sigh.
"What if it is just what creates a space of fun?" He glances my way.
"Maybe." I shrug. "And if it's one of a thousand things I've already tried and quit at, cause eww."
"Then it will be a thousand and one." He adds. "There will never be enough 'perks' to change the vibration of it. There will never be enough sacrifices to change the vibration of it."
"I don't even know the real vibration of it." I admit.
"Will you tomorrow?"
"I hope so." I sigh, not believing that for a second.
"Bring it into you." He loses patience. "You can not change anything to your liking by going out to meet it. Change it now." He pauses. "Create it now."
I nod. He's right.
____________________
Sooo.... That was an adventure.
By that I mean a horrible trip fest of doubts and 'let's just not do this' and 'I don't want to' and
I'm a fucking mess and this can't be the place for me...
and then I take the job, cause it's kinda alluring and real and I have a handful of hours and this manager girl is crazy, I love her.
and what am I doing?
The Alchemist walks in and sits in the chair. He flops his feet up on the table. He slowly....incredibly slowly pauses before glancing my way.
"What the hell happened?" I ask him. I was not prepared for any of this or expecting any of it and fuck my vibration, cause there's nothing sure now.
"The captain drives the boat, but he never controls the sea." He mentions coolly.
"Well this port has bourbon." I mumble.
"Did you think your vibration, your trying and efforting, was ever going to make the waves bow to you?" He asks.
"Absofuckinglutely." I glare. I'm a fucking god.
"You are when you are a good captain." He nods. "Then it is like there are no waves, no challenges, no chaos."
"In sync." I sigh, understanding.
"Resonant. Where the waves and you are the same and you are the bliss of calm." He double thinks his words, but leaves them at that.
I get it. I get him. I don't get me, but I get this scenario and thing I traveled upon today.
"This." I point. "This needs to go."
He looks at me.
"What does?" He asks. Not looking for the answer, but to clarify that there's not an issue.
"When? I've got adventures apparently. It feels like a chain." I mention.
"Just for today. What are you doing, who are you being, where are you going, and those things you love... play with them." He attunes.
"I'm going to be all of me. All the things I love." I concur. "I really love money today, by the way."
He smirks. He knows I feel broke and can't buy flowers just yet. Nor do I have the focus or energy.
"I love focus." He hears my thoughts. "It cuts through almost everything." He nods assured as he stands.
"Imma focus on not going insane." I snicker.
"Try focusing on those flowers. Those cabinets, that garden, that whatever you are having fun with stuff." He sighs. "Focus goes a long way and carves out the paths that lead to more of it."
"Aight." I nod.
He gives a small smile and walk out the door...
___________
I don't know if it's true... the way they reveal the triggers that drag you down to those lower thought patterns. But I see you bleed from the scars upon your flesh.
You claim this and that when everything is peachy. You revel in the likes of knowing you haven't been triggered by what they are throwing our this week or last. You have risen high above the piddly infantile snares they left out for the others...
Oh... but you think it's all dandy until something stronger comes upon you unaware. When something does catch you in a trap and lasso your leg, just enough to send you hurling down the pavement, not even knowing what is happening.
You are flailing. And you may still be one step ahead of those who fell prey to Corona, or Monkeypox, or Will, or Depp, or whatever else they've been feeding you... but you've been dragged too, those of you who instantly jumped into the corral for this new thing.
You can only stand long enough until your legs give out because you still are depending upon your legs. Flailing. Blood dripping because you too are falling into chaos.... and all it took was a news report.
They have you caught in the net and you are defending how pretty and safe the net makes you feel.
I want to remind you that you do not have to comply.
You are not evil.
We are not evil.
You do not have to choose the options they present.
You do not have to obey.
You do not have to fear.
You do not have to partake in any of this.
Stop defending your trigger, your cage, your net, your beliefs.... and watch how you easily it is for you to shame another. How easily it is for you to cast blame or guilt or to correct someone else.
How easily you became those that entrapped you.
I love watching you wake up and see.
I love when you choose to love.
I love when you decide right here, right now... to step from their control.
You get to choose. You always get to.
We do not have to fix the things and the items and the stuff our hands touch.
We only need to fix our hearts. Our minds. Our beliefs. Our choices. Our knowing.
...and then whatever we touch will be blessed.
