Death is the stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" -- and find out, there is no death.
So, want to know what that means?
That means living in the Now.
That means letting the past go and never letting it steal away your present.
That means not looking forward into tomorrow with expectations that you create for yourselves.
that means giving all power to here and now. Right now. give everything you have and all awareness into Now. All other time is an illusion.
What else does this mean?
This also means that you will not like what is coming next.
This means that all your hopes for the future are false.
This means that all that waiting you have been doing for some type of resolution, some kind of goal, some sort of 'saving' or 'rescuing' you've spent your life waiting for will never come. As there is no tomorrow, only Now. The only way you are going to find Heaven isn't by waiting for it. For you cover up the true Heaven by looking for it in a time that doesn't exist. It is not in the past, it is not in the future. Heaven is only in the Now. But it is hidden behind all those thoughts that cover it. Hidden behind all those worries, all those regrets, all those failures. Hidden by the past and future.
Find yourself in the midst of Now. Your true self. Your true self is not your deeds, or your thoughts, or your emotions. Your true self is not your worries or your plans or your past.
Your true self is that which can see what the rest of you is doing. It IS. It is the person that watches how you act and observes how you react. It is the one who stops and without thinking of yesterday or tomorrow, the one who can feel the wind and smile back at the child who laughs. the one who can see the beauty in the sunrise and the sunset. The one who doesn't judge others or yourself because your true self knows no judgement, as it watches the essence of life silently. It doesn't look for God, as it already knows that it is already a part of God. Never separated. Never lost. Only hidden beneath the burdens of being a part of a time that doesn't exist.
Do not give away the Now. Do not lose it by thinking of tomorrow or yesterday. Do not bury your true self under thinking or analyzing things that can never affect who you are.
I'm sorry. Maybe you are waiting for Jesus to come rescue you... I don;t really understand why you think you were ever lost. I really don;t understand why you think you are apart from Him. Or apart from whatever ideology you believe in.
Heck, I don;t even understand why people say they believe in something, as there is a great wide big black line between believing something and knowing it. I believe in ufo's (because I've seen them!) but it could be some weird government agenda, but to believe in God.... what a disgrace, not only to Him, but to myself. Knowing Him is at least more respectable.
Believing is like saying I hope it's real, belief is a thought about something that may or may not be true.
But knowing... knowing is knowing it is true. I understand some people need proof and that;s okay. As I also think you either know or you don;t. There is no inbetween. (Kinda like, do or do not, there is no try) So believing is a sham and a lie to make you think you will not be persecuted or something.
Knowing is all there is.
So back on subject..... being in the Now. ... Well, since I've been hanging out with OMG, INCREDIBLE we've been going through a crash course in awareness and taking control of life.
I've been aware that people in general are mostly lazy and often always find excuses to NOT do something. they like the idea, they love the possible outcome, but something (resistance) stops them from going ahead with it.
Maybe they don't do it because of time, energy, money, they have other things planned, they don't feel well, they don't look right, they are tired, it's too far, it's too expensive, they don't know how, they don't want to go alone, they might mess up...etc.etc.etc.etc.etc!!! UGH!
I'm not sure about everyone else in the world, but I see major issues with all that. I see major issues when people are filled with fear too.
For instance, when I started roller derby, I heard things like, "what if you break an arm?" "what if you get hurt?" "Isn't that expensive?" "How will you make it to practice?" "That's dangerous..." etc.etc.etc.etc.
Fuck my arm. I don;t like sewing anyway. Hurt...? Like I'm scared of that...it'll only hurt for a minute. Cost? I would rather go in major debt than not do something out of fear of going into debt...Like when we went on vacation to the beach...we were broke and went anyway, had a great time too. Money will come and pay for it later, I do not worry about it.
Anyway, the point is people hinder themselves and others by being lazy asses who are scared and fearful. Shame on you.
Now I am stalking a few people who are totally go get it done people, because they inspire me. And because they do 'it' anyway. and it gets done. And you had better believe they will punch your face in if you try to stop them.... Me loves them!! and I think I am one of them too, but I don't believe I would punch you... I know I would.
Ah, I'm just kidding, I've only punched 2 people in my life (in the face anyway) One was my half sister who decided to draw on my favorite doll's face when we were really little.... it was funny, and I didn't get in trouble (Beautiful!) and another time when this guy tried to kiss me...but I think I kicked him in the gut a few times, not sure if I punched him... (yay, for combat boots!)...
Lol, funny cause that incident was also the reason my future husband was afraid to ask me out back in the day....lol.
Hmmm....so that's all for today. OMG, INCREDIBLE and I are off to be productive and unlazy.
Remeber, live in the Now, do not think about yesterday or tomorrow, or even later, DO SOMETHING NOW! and be sure to give your kids some hugs, just for having what you gave away...your Now.
Have a great day little peanuts on steroids and enjoy your mind infused delays that keep you from walking side by side with the Boss man. ;)
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
I picked up a hitchhiker.....and he's awesome!
So I got to thinking again..... due to my fav site Cash and Joy...and this post specifically...
I'm wondering how much the world could accomplish if we all just kept breaking barriers and stepping forward onto new horizons....if only we would completely give our all toward every endeavor....
Now I will admit, I am a major procrastinator, especially when it comes to having to do something I really do not want to do, or don't care about... so I settle for the rushed state of "I better get it done" at the last minute and hope it comes out 'good enough'.
Not that it won't....because yeah, I am awesome. And I have found that even my 'good enough' is quite awesome to others, even though me myself thinks, eh, whatever, it's okay....
I am now pondering how much more amazing I will think of things if I consistently vamped out awesomeness at everything. And instead of 'good enough' it was AMAZING! Even if it was only amazing to me, at least I could then break those limitations that might be there and press forward to some unknown universe...because I certainly can't continue on going anywhere when I am just cruising along sitting beside 'eh, whatever'.
OMG, INCREDIBLE will probably be better having as a co-pilot...and much better at running those road blocks than the other guy...maybe OMG, INCREDIBLE can fly....maybe OMG, INCREDIBLE is a spaceship....there's only one way to find out how incredible, OMG INCREDIBLE really is, and that is by dumping 'good enough' and 'eh, whatever' on the curbside and picking up OMG, INCREDIBLE and riding with him for awhile...
So what does that mean, you say?
That means......well, I'm still working out exactly what that means, but it means complete awesomeness. Not only in my work, or in my other work, or in my other work, or in my other work....but in all. Of course, I will allow for baby steps at first so I can not get distracted by the handsome 'good enough' who wears those 'quick money' badges, or by the mysterious 'eh, whatever' who likes to annoy me with his singing and I'll do anything to be done with him...
Oh, and my book....my awesome book which contains my most beloved imaginary people. OMG, INCREDIBLE has promised to give me a few hours every other day to hang out with them...OMG, I love OMG, INCREDIBLE already!
So, it's bedtime.....and since I ditched 'eh, whatever' that means OMG, INCREDIBLE is going to let me get to bed earlier than usual. So ta ta my sweet munchkins in paradise. Have a latte and sing some midnight lullabies. :)
Oh, and have I told you lately how much I dislike snakes...especially those that like to hang out in my yard!! I am going to be snake paranoid for weeks! UGH! But I have to go, so I will tell you that story later!
I'm wondering how much the world could accomplish if we all just kept breaking barriers and stepping forward onto new horizons....if only we would completely give our all toward every endeavor....
Now I will admit, I am a major procrastinator, especially when it comes to having to do something I really do not want to do, or don't care about... so I settle for the rushed state of "I better get it done" at the last minute and hope it comes out 'good enough'.
Not that it won't....because yeah, I am awesome. And I have found that even my 'good enough' is quite awesome to others, even though me myself thinks, eh, whatever, it's okay....
I am now pondering how much more amazing I will think of things if I consistently vamped out awesomeness at everything. And instead of 'good enough' it was AMAZING! Even if it was only amazing to me, at least I could then break those limitations that might be there and press forward to some unknown universe...because I certainly can't continue on going anywhere when I am just cruising along sitting beside 'eh, whatever'.
OMG, INCREDIBLE will probably be better having as a co-pilot...and much better at running those road blocks than the other guy...maybe OMG, INCREDIBLE can fly....maybe OMG, INCREDIBLE is a spaceship....there's only one way to find out how incredible, OMG INCREDIBLE really is, and that is by dumping 'good enough' and 'eh, whatever' on the curbside and picking up OMG, INCREDIBLE and riding with him for awhile...
So what does that mean, you say?
That means......well, I'm still working out exactly what that means, but it means complete awesomeness. Not only in my work, or in my other work, or in my other work, or in my other work....but in all. Of course, I will allow for baby steps at first so I can not get distracted by the handsome 'good enough' who wears those 'quick money' badges, or by the mysterious 'eh, whatever' who likes to annoy me with his singing and I'll do anything to be done with him...
Oh, and my book....my awesome book which contains my most beloved imaginary people. OMG, INCREDIBLE has promised to give me a few hours every other day to hang out with them...OMG, I love OMG, INCREDIBLE already!
So, it's bedtime.....and since I ditched 'eh, whatever' that means OMG, INCREDIBLE is going to let me get to bed earlier than usual. So ta ta my sweet munchkins in paradise. Have a latte and sing some midnight lullabies. :)
Oh, and have I told you lately how much I dislike snakes...especially those that like to hang out in my yard!! I am going to be snake paranoid for weeks! UGH! But I have to go, so I will tell you that story later!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Please don't keep them hidden away...
Words of kindness, that our poor hearts crave....
I want to free your heart, I want to see your heart, please don't keep your heart hidden away.
Yesterday I shoved my own thoughts out the door....then proceeded to set them on fire and stomp their ashes into the scorched ground. No, not my cool anti-religious spiritual loving happy thoughts that will one day get me burned at the stake, but the other ones that your mind creates to keep you under it's thumb.
The ones that say..."you had better get school for the kids done." "You have to finish this sewing work today!" Get that laundry done too!" "Omg, the world will end if you fall out of schedule!!!"
Yes, those thoughts. I ended their life yesterday. Because I am not accountable to them. My kids will not become dense if we play hooky...I did all the time, I came out perfect. My sewing will get done, whenever the hell it gets done. I'm the only one in a rush. And the laundry?? Seriously? We have clean clothes to wear if we must wear clothes. Just because we are attached to the dirty ones doesn't make them any better then the ones packed in the back of your drawers. Except for comfort and coolness of course. Anyway, if I let it slack long enough, hubby will do it...or he'll make the kids do it. They will survive!
So since I have my day free of a bunch of self-induced shit, I will also say that I will not purposefully offend you, but I will not go out of my way to not offend you either, so take it how you will. Just know I am a sap and love you all even if you hate me. But luckily for you, I use my powers for good, because someone really awesome was responsible for my upbringing. Me love Him lots.
Of course I love my parents too, even if my dad won't even call me. Or visit when he's only an hour away when he visits my older brother who also doesn't talk to me. Yeah, I know he's a bad ass who wants to be better than everyone else, but still, he's cool, because I got his Elfquest comics from him...and he can never have them back. And I don't know my dad, except he likes playing pool and once used a gun to shoot at a rat in the house. And when he went to work us kids would look for the bunny hidden on the front covers of his huge stacks of magazines.....Steven would open them and cheat, lol. And even when I punched my sister in the nose for drawing on Charlie with permanent markers (yeah, she even flew back onto the bed behind her), I didn't get punished....it was great. :)
Well, I will say I am piss poor broke, but we have this fancy new system up and running...awesome. I survived my first roller derby game, awesome. We lost, but still, we survived. And now I am not listening to anyone, not even myself. So if you tell me to do something, good luck with that getting done. I will just do the one thing the boss man said I should do. Which I already told you in a story awhile back...
No story today I guess, I have nothing to share, how awful....hang on....
Hmmmm, I need to rant first, because it just wouldn't be right to avoid a rant on a lame-o ranting blog. I am tired of hearing about people who use excuses to not do something...it's like they fold over to the resistance thing and fail! Failures! Pure failures. I want to smack them up side the head.... to quote Ralph Waldo Emerson...."God will not have his work made manifest by cowards." .... it is true.... you have every once of every speck of power you need to do exactly what you want to do and yet you squander it away because of this or that or because you fear something.... you know something...I learned something from Lady Gaga just yesterday btw! You know how awfully bad yet good she is at just being herself, or the herself she wants to portray? Well, do you think she is afraid of offending someone? Do you think she is afraid of God? Or afraid of what he thinks?...... I think not. And the thought that many people are afraid of what God thinks of them is a major major major problem for me. I'm not saying to go do bad things, that;s bad! But I am saying that preventing yourself from just being you for fear of losing your place among the stars/kingdom/heavens/etc. is STUPID! I know what He thinks of you, and you would be surprised to know it is not what you think and the thought that what you think about what He thinks could not even compare to what He really thinks, because you do not understand what He thinks...so stop trying to place Him in a box according only to that which you think you know.... He loves you and all of what you think. But you cannot think He thinks only what you think He thinks.....got that?!
Lol.
Just like you cannot say that He is only what that Book is. Or that other Book. Nope, He is it all....you just need to find Him in it all.... not my fault you choose to close your eyes.
Oh Ma Nee Pod May Hum..... <----- not sure if I spelled it right, but that is a Buddhist chant that means " The jewel is in the lotus."
Can you figure out what that means?
But I'll tell you a secret, what you think is not wrong. What others think is not wrong. Each way it is dissected still doesn't take away from the truth, because it prevails no matter how one sees it. It's the ones who poison the lotus that cover the truths that He has always revealed to Us. Step away from them and see with eyes unclouded by hate.
Oh wait....there were 2 things the boss man said to do.....and it looks like I just took care of that second thing too. :)
Love you all my little red bandanna kites! Fly high into the winds of power! And go kick some ass!
I want to free your heart, I want to see your heart, please don't keep your heart hidden away.
Yesterday I shoved my own thoughts out the door....then proceeded to set them on fire and stomp their ashes into the scorched ground. No, not my cool anti-religious spiritual loving happy thoughts that will one day get me burned at the stake, but the other ones that your mind creates to keep you under it's thumb.
The ones that say..."you had better get school for the kids done." "You have to finish this sewing work today!" Get that laundry done too!" "Omg, the world will end if you fall out of schedule!!!"
Yes, those thoughts. I ended their life yesterday. Because I am not accountable to them. My kids will not become dense if we play hooky...I did all the time, I came out perfect. My sewing will get done, whenever the hell it gets done. I'm the only one in a rush. And the laundry?? Seriously? We have clean clothes to wear if we must wear clothes. Just because we are attached to the dirty ones doesn't make them any better then the ones packed in the back of your drawers. Except for comfort and coolness of course. Anyway, if I let it slack long enough, hubby will do it...or he'll make the kids do it. They will survive!
So since I have my day free of a bunch of self-induced shit, I will also say that I will not purposefully offend you, but I will not go out of my way to not offend you either, so take it how you will. Just know I am a sap and love you all even if you hate me. But luckily for you, I use my powers for good, because someone really awesome was responsible for my upbringing. Me love Him lots.
Of course I love my parents too, even if my dad won't even call me. Or visit when he's only an hour away when he visits my older brother who also doesn't talk to me. Yeah, I know he's a bad ass who wants to be better than everyone else, but still, he's cool, because I got his Elfquest comics from him...and he can never have them back. And I don't know my dad, except he likes playing pool and once used a gun to shoot at a rat in the house. And when he went to work us kids would look for the bunny hidden on the front covers of his huge stacks of magazines.....Steven would open them and cheat, lol. And even when I punched my sister in the nose for drawing on Charlie with permanent markers (yeah, she even flew back onto the bed behind her), I didn't get punished....it was great. :)
Well, I will say I am piss poor broke, but we have this fancy new system up and running...awesome. I survived my first roller derby game, awesome. We lost, but still, we survived. And now I am not listening to anyone, not even myself. So if you tell me to do something, good luck with that getting done. I will just do the one thing the boss man said I should do. Which I already told you in a story awhile back...
No story today I guess, I have nothing to share, how awful....hang on....
Hmmmm, I need to rant first, because it just wouldn't be right to avoid a rant on a lame-o ranting blog. I am tired of hearing about people who use excuses to not do something...it's like they fold over to the resistance thing and fail! Failures! Pure failures. I want to smack them up side the head.... to quote Ralph Waldo Emerson...."God will not have his work made manifest by cowards." .... it is true.... you have every once of every speck of power you need to do exactly what you want to do and yet you squander it away because of this or that or because you fear something.... you know something...I learned something from Lady Gaga just yesterday btw! You know how awfully bad yet good she is at just being herself, or the herself she wants to portray? Well, do you think she is afraid of offending someone? Do you think she is afraid of God? Or afraid of what he thinks?...... I think not. And the thought that many people are afraid of what God thinks of them is a major major major problem for me. I'm not saying to go do bad things, that;s bad! But I am saying that preventing yourself from just being you for fear of losing your place among the stars/kingdom/heavens/etc. is STUPID! I know what He thinks of you, and you would be surprised to know it is not what you think and the thought that what you think about what He thinks could not even compare to what He really thinks, because you do not understand what He thinks...so stop trying to place Him in a box according only to that which you think you know.... He loves you and all of what you think. But you cannot think He thinks only what you think He thinks.....got that?!
Lol.
Just like you cannot say that He is only what that Book is. Or that other Book. Nope, He is it all....you just need to find Him in it all.... not my fault you choose to close your eyes.
Oh Ma Nee Pod May Hum..... <----- not sure if I spelled it right, but that is a Buddhist chant that means " The jewel is in the lotus."
Can you figure out what that means?
But I'll tell you a secret, what you think is not wrong. What others think is not wrong. Each way it is dissected still doesn't take away from the truth, because it prevails no matter how one sees it. It's the ones who poison the lotus that cover the truths that He has always revealed to Us. Step away from them and see with eyes unclouded by hate.
Oh wait....there were 2 things the boss man said to do.....and it looks like I just took care of that second thing too. :)
Love you all my little red bandanna kites! Fly high into the winds of power! And go kick some ass!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Brighter than a lucky penny ....
Every time I look at the keyboard I see U and I together....
No not me and you seriously, we all know we are furthest apart then we ever could be.
At least in this realm.
Sooooo, want an update on how awful the world is....then you are going to have to go read some other blog, because here it is all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, and everything wonderful....maybe not EVERYTHING, but we can do that thing like other people do...you know, that twist it around to make it appear to be other than what it truly is...yeah...let's do that.
People do it to others and their words all the time, or they do it to God, or to their religion, or to their kids, or spouse, or even themselves.....because we all want to make believe we live in mamsy pansy land and we are all wonderful happy creatures who are graced with love and kindness and joy all day every day. WheeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!!
Oh shit...I woke up and find myself in the real world where I find people sleeping all the time! But they never wake up.
Weeeeeelllll, we have the first high-tech-advance-eco-machine-you-are-the-coolest-ever-and-save-you-bunches-of-money-kick-ass-heat-pump-system-with-20.5-seer in our house! It's not all the way put in yet, but it is some bad ass shit and we are the first in TN to own this new gizmo....of course, we shall see how 'great' it is come winter...I will certainly keep you updated.
Did I mention we haven't paid a cent for it.
Did I also mention that the Seq. Valley shopper newspaper that comes free in the mailbox is not as good as the one you have to pay for....because I have 4 potential kick-ass rocking new employees that will save ShadowDragon Dreams from it's certain demise...not that I would quit....but because yeah, I would quit. So now I can still keep an income without grieving over the fact that I have to do EVERYTHING!!!!
Of course, I have to pay these people up front, but we all know money just appears when you need it...kinda cool the way that works.
Saturday, yes, this Saturday...I get to go to Memphis, TN!! By Myself! How fun! I'm gonna leave early and go take pics of stuff for my fancy camera club class...we need to 'focus' (lol) on 'lines' for your pictures....FUN! then I get to go do some roller derby!
Though I'm kinda nervous as shit and scared I will get smashed to bits or devastatingly injured...lol....yeah, not really funny. but I hope I will survive and won;t mess up or fall on my tailbone again, cause that HURTS!!!
I'm sure our team will do greatish :)
Today Prince Vaughn the cat scared the crap out of one of the ch/a guys...he had crawled into the open vent and went under the house and out the other end, lol. Guy thought it was a skunk or something LOL!!!
Tomorrow I meet with another possible employee and hope to make it out to town, as we need groceries and I need fabric and sewing supplies, and order pieces, and derby stuff....UGH! I hate having to stay home and babysit the ch/a installers. But on a good note, we do get schoolwork done earlier than usual...only because I get woken up at freaking 7am...phooey.
Busy next week too, and next weekend. And I still need to get sewing orders and my next line done, and my other sewing bulk order, and and AND!!!!
It is wonderful. I get to stick it to the lazy ass people....and the people who work their tails off and still manage to get a day off get to stick it to me, since I don;t know what a day off is unless I leave town so I can be kept away from my jobS. And even Saturday I need to be at roller derby, so no breaks for me unless you count my neck, or foot, or tailbone, or a body part.
Want something offensive...assuming we are actually still going to try and keep an organized system going....screw that...Organization is for people who can't solve complex problems at the very last second. We all know that's when it matters the most anyway. Oh hell, I just said screw, and hell.... in the same sentence....does that offend you...I don;t care if it does or not. ...did you realize that I consciously changed something above only to not offend you....I am too nice.
Let me tell you a story.....I may have even wrote about it before, but I think I want to write it again...
You know what, nevermind...Get off your ass and go read this short little post and then come back here
I was thinking, that maybe people make up things (a particular one I will not say) so that they will not have to take responsibility for their own behaviors, or ideals, or thoughts, or actions, or anything else.....because they can just blame it on someone or something else.
I know full well that you can manifest anything you want by your own free will. Even if it is actually bad for you. It's the power that you feed to that desire that brings it into existence. Into reality.
If people would just start accepting everything about themselves and stop begging someone to fix their mess then they could focus on repairing things and setting things right again.....kinda like how some use meditation. To manifest that which you yourself create and give power to.... We all know people give up their rightful power and let it slip away unused. Maybe even relinquish it to their beliefs. Maybe just assume they are nothing more than servants of a vengeful God, hell I don't know what they think.
Anyway, maybe you should take that power back and use it to do some good. He doesn't give it to you to look at or play with like little toys for little toddlers still on warm milk. You are Kings. Use the power to serve your people. take it back and use it all. It will not cease flowing if you use it for love.
And for those who are afraid of offending their God, maybe you should take a look at yourself and stop offending yourself that way. You are beautiful and deserve everything He has given you...it is all a gift, not some loan, or some maybe I'll take it back present. Ugh, so hard to explain shit, but if you want to twist it around, go ahead, I love how you stain yourself... graffiti always looks better than a plain ugly wall. But unfortunately it's still just a wall....and walls fall. I do love giving you the paint though. ;) All the many colors dancing in the sunlight, splashing, spraying, twirling into magical fantasies and dreams of hope. A smile, a laugh, a giggle...until the day you can't hide the sorrow you feel within and in your corner you cry....you cry.
There is only 1 actual order given from Him who holds you. "Stand up."
Where you go is your choice, He will be there within you.
You know that song "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders..... go listen to it. really listen..
Okay, enough blah blah, happy joyful crap. I'm going to bed.
Goodnight my brazenly awesome lumberjacks of the fallen.
No not me and you seriously, we all know we are furthest apart then we ever could be.
At least in this realm.
Sooooo, want an update on how awful the world is....then you are going to have to go read some other blog, because here it is all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, and everything wonderful....maybe not EVERYTHING, but we can do that thing like other people do...you know, that twist it around to make it appear to be other than what it truly is...yeah...let's do that.
People do it to others and their words all the time, or they do it to God, or to their religion, or to their kids, or spouse, or even themselves.....because we all want to make believe we live in mamsy pansy land and we are all wonderful happy creatures who are graced with love and kindness and joy all day every day. WheeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!!
Oh shit...I woke up and find myself in the real world where I find people sleeping all the time! But they never wake up.
Weeeeeelllll, we have the first high-tech-advance-eco-machine-you-are-the-coolest-ever-and-save-you-bunches-of-money-kick-ass-heat-pump-system-with-20.5-seer in our house! It's not all the way put in yet, but it is some bad ass shit and we are the first in TN to own this new gizmo....of course, we shall see how 'great' it is come winter...I will certainly keep you updated.
Did I mention we haven't paid a cent for it.
Did I also mention that the Seq. Valley shopper newspaper that comes free in the mailbox is not as good as the one you have to pay for....because I have 4 potential kick-ass rocking new employees that will save ShadowDragon Dreams from it's certain demise...not that I would quit....but because yeah, I would quit. So now I can still keep an income without grieving over the fact that I have to do EVERYTHING!!!!
Of course, I have to pay these people up front, but we all know money just appears when you need it...kinda cool the way that works.
Saturday, yes, this Saturday...I get to go to Memphis, TN!! By Myself! How fun! I'm gonna leave early and go take pics of stuff for my fancy camera club class...we need to 'focus' (lol) on 'lines' for your pictures....FUN! then I get to go do some roller derby!
Though I'm kinda nervous as shit and scared I will get smashed to bits or devastatingly injured...lol....yeah, not really funny. but I hope I will survive and won;t mess up or fall on my tailbone again, cause that HURTS!!!
I'm sure our team will do greatish :)
Today Prince Vaughn the cat scared the crap out of one of the ch/a guys...he had crawled into the open vent and went under the house and out the other end, lol. Guy thought it was a skunk or something LOL!!!
Tomorrow I meet with another possible employee and hope to make it out to town, as we need groceries and I need fabric and sewing supplies, and order pieces, and derby stuff....UGH! I hate having to stay home and babysit the ch/a installers. But on a good note, we do get schoolwork done earlier than usual...only because I get woken up at freaking 7am...phooey.
Busy next week too, and next weekend. And I still need to get sewing orders and my next line done, and my other sewing bulk order, and and AND!!!!
It is wonderful. I get to stick it to the lazy ass people....and the people who work their tails off and still manage to get a day off get to stick it to me, since I don;t know what a day off is unless I leave town so I can be kept away from my jobS. And even Saturday I need to be at roller derby, so no breaks for me unless you count my neck, or foot, or tailbone, or a body part.
Want something offensive...assuming we are actually still going to try and keep an organized system going....screw that...Organization is for people who can't solve complex problems at the very last second. We all know that's when it matters the most anyway. Oh hell, I just said screw, and hell.... in the same sentence....does that offend you...I don;t care if it does or not. ...did you realize that I consciously changed something above only to not offend you....I am too nice.
Let me tell you a story.....I may have even wrote about it before, but I think I want to write it again...
You know what, nevermind...Get off your ass and go read this short little post and then come back here
I was thinking, that maybe people make up things (a particular one I will not say) so that they will not have to take responsibility for their own behaviors, or ideals, or thoughts, or actions, or anything else.....because they can just blame it on someone or something else.
I know full well that you can manifest anything you want by your own free will. Even if it is actually bad for you. It's the power that you feed to that desire that brings it into existence. Into reality.
If people would just start accepting everything about themselves and stop begging someone to fix their mess then they could focus on repairing things and setting things right again.....kinda like how some use meditation. To manifest that which you yourself create and give power to.... We all know people give up their rightful power and let it slip away unused. Maybe even relinquish it to their beliefs. Maybe just assume they are nothing more than servants of a vengeful God, hell I don't know what they think.
Anyway, maybe you should take that power back and use it to do some good. He doesn't give it to you to look at or play with like little toys for little toddlers still on warm milk. You are Kings. Use the power to serve your people. take it back and use it all. It will not cease flowing if you use it for love.
And for those who are afraid of offending their God, maybe you should take a look at yourself and stop offending yourself that way. You are beautiful and deserve everything He has given you...it is all a gift, not some loan, or some maybe I'll take it back present. Ugh, so hard to explain shit, but if you want to twist it around, go ahead, I love how you stain yourself... graffiti always looks better than a plain ugly wall. But unfortunately it's still just a wall....and walls fall. I do love giving you the paint though. ;) All the many colors dancing in the sunlight, splashing, spraying, twirling into magical fantasies and dreams of hope. A smile, a laugh, a giggle...until the day you can't hide the sorrow you feel within and in your corner you cry....you cry.
There is only 1 actual order given from Him who holds you. "Stand up."
Where you go is your choice, He will be there within you.
You know that song "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders..... go listen to it. really listen..
Okay, enough blah blah, happy joyful crap. I'm going to bed.
Goodnight my brazenly awesome lumberjacks of the fallen.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
On the lam.
I'm suffering from not having the time I would like to write...
Of course, we all have time, but it's what we do with it that 'makes' things happen, not the 'not having it', that's just our perception...as time is an illusion afterall.
But I have been busy....busier than I can recall, except for that last minute holiday order rush.....'where you sew from waking to sleeping and the house and family have to rely on themselves until it's finished' kinda busy.
So tomorrow at really stupid early...so early it's like sleeping but not knowing where you are...early... the evaluator who will give us free money and the ch/a installers will be invading my house.
Schoolwork will still need to get done amidst the chaos. Sewing will still need to get done. Chores and and house cleaning will need to get done, so will breakfast and lunch too. And I have roller derby practice. Hoping I can keep the day remaining on schedule as much as I can and be productive enough to not feel like the day passed me by. And then do it again the rest of the week.
I have found 3 potential 'gracious lovely people who can sew and own a serger' , with 2 of whom I will be meeting with this week!!! Is that a light at the end of the tunnel? HAHAHAHA!!! Probably not, but I like to think it is at all times, makes for a more enthusiastic journey :)
So, my new motto of the week is, "No apologies." Yep, that's right. So if I offended you this week or ever, you are screwed. I'm NOT sorry. I can make you feel better by explaining things, but I am not sorry. I will not be held responsible for your take on things.
I'm also feeling a bit rude this week too. So be forewarned that if something goes awry. I will be sure to include it in on my thoughts. If you decide to take it personally, that's your problem, and you are stupid. Yes, stupid. Does that offend you? Being called names.....going to whine to your momma and pout in the corner?...GOOD! Go in your corner and stay out of my way! I've got real work to do and real people to talk to and real life to live. I can't help it if you want to hide and whine, and pout, and suffer in your own perceived detriments. You place them on yourself and carry them around like a stupid person....
Now don;t get me wrong, we all pick up a mess here in there, but it is our duty to also let it go. Not carry it and expect someone 'as in a higher power' to deliver us from it....when we ourselves picked the damn thing up. All we have to do is drop it...or better yet, bury it, so no one else can pick it up after us.
I have no idea what I am saying today either, but I wanted to share a rather awful dream I had the other night. Well, one part was awful...
There was a shelf..like a square teetering on a pole...and on this shelf was a baby..an infant and when the baby moved the shelf would teeter side to side....eventually the baby slid off and down...though I couldn't see down to where it landed...I was thinking oh how awful that the baby would hit the floor or something!! I hated this dream!! So anyway, in my dream the picture floated down the pole to the next shelf below where 3 more babies were on that shelf...it teetered and another slid off and I was aghast!! No one was doing anything and it was like I was watching a movie and wasn't really there....So the picture floated down again to another shelf that was empty and down further to another shelf where a baby teetered on that one...it stayed there for awhile until finally it too slid off, though this time the 'camera' followed it downward to where I thought there would be a floor, but there wasn't...it was black water...the baby slid into it as had all the ones before....it was awful...!!!
It was like people were placing their babies on the shelves and leaving them there even though it was highly likely they would slide off and drown in the water below!
I thought later that maybe, as an attempt to not be accused of murder they just left the babies there and the shelf would be to blame...or the babies themselves for moving around..it was sick. I wonder if abortion works the same way... sick bastards.
I also had a thought about how certain 'churchs' work too. In that if you get pregnant before marriage you are considered in default...and they kick you out, and they turn against you...because you weren't good enough......and maybe that church family is all these people had....and how awful it would be for them to lose that family...and to what lengths would they go to keep it..... possibly having a secret abortion just so they could retain their status in their church family...and that is just perverted and backwards, but I wonder if it could be true that the church no matter how against they are of a certain practice...that they themselves being so judgmental and inconsiderate that they actually support that which they claim to despise....not intentionally, but by controlling it's citizens in fear. Using loss and fear and condemnation as a means to retain that happy feeling gushy love huggy feeling that so many think they are actually a part of...when in actuality those members go home and spread rumors and drama and contempt for one another....
Maybe it's just me, but I know what 'real' is....and the biggest fake people I have ever met are located on that church pew. Not all of them dumbass, but a few. Stop twisting shit around to make it go against you or your religion. GOSH! I just know someone out there reading this are gonna go..."you're the devil...how bad of you to judge...blah blah blah.."
And you know what...I'm not saying they are bad people. I'm not saying those select few are not children of God. I am saying that people get blinded sometimes though. I am saying that as a good person at all, then it should be your duty to show compassion and love and help them 'see'....if you still want to twist it around even more distorted so that it helps you make up negative accusations and ideals, then go right ahead...I choose not to do that to myself. I love you anyway....but I am not sorry ;) and remember 'offend' is the word of the month!
Okay, so I wrote nothing at all of importance and nothing at all of education, but I'll get there later this week if I survive that long and the inspiration hits. Love all you bodacious ludicrous envisioning vicarious exuberant felons with pink bunny ears!!! (((HUGS)))
Of course, we all have time, but it's what we do with it that 'makes' things happen, not the 'not having it', that's just our perception...as time is an illusion afterall.
But I have been busy....busier than I can recall, except for that last minute holiday order rush.....'where you sew from waking to sleeping and the house and family have to rely on themselves until it's finished' kinda busy.
So tomorrow at really stupid early...so early it's like sleeping but not knowing where you are...early... the evaluator who will give us free money and the ch/a installers will be invading my house.
Schoolwork will still need to get done amidst the chaos. Sewing will still need to get done. Chores and and house cleaning will need to get done, so will breakfast and lunch too. And I have roller derby practice. Hoping I can keep the day remaining on schedule as much as I can and be productive enough to not feel like the day passed me by. And then do it again the rest of the week.
I have found 3 potential 'gracious lovely people who can sew and own a serger' , with 2 of whom I will be meeting with this week!!! Is that a light at the end of the tunnel? HAHAHAHA!!! Probably not, but I like to think it is at all times, makes for a more enthusiastic journey :)
So, my new motto of the week is, "No apologies." Yep, that's right. So if I offended you this week or ever, you are screwed. I'm NOT sorry. I can make you feel better by explaining things, but I am not sorry. I will not be held responsible for your take on things.
I'm also feeling a bit rude this week too. So be forewarned that if something goes awry. I will be sure to include it in on my thoughts. If you decide to take it personally, that's your problem, and you are stupid. Yes, stupid. Does that offend you? Being called names.....going to whine to your momma and pout in the corner?...GOOD! Go in your corner and stay out of my way! I've got real work to do and real people to talk to and real life to live. I can't help it if you want to hide and whine, and pout, and suffer in your own perceived detriments. You place them on yourself and carry them around like a stupid person....
Now don;t get me wrong, we all pick up a mess here in there, but it is our duty to also let it go. Not carry it and expect someone 'as in a higher power' to deliver us from it....when we ourselves picked the damn thing up. All we have to do is drop it...or better yet, bury it, so no one else can pick it up after us.
I have no idea what I am saying today either, but I wanted to share a rather awful dream I had the other night. Well, one part was awful...
There was a shelf..like a square teetering on a pole...and on this shelf was a baby..an infant and when the baby moved the shelf would teeter side to side....eventually the baby slid off and down...though I couldn't see down to where it landed...I was thinking oh how awful that the baby would hit the floor or something!! I hated this dream!! So anyway, in my dream the picture floated down the pole to the next shelf below where 3 more babies were on that shelf...it teetered and another slid off and I was aghast!! No one was doing anything and it was like I was watching a movie and wasn't really there....So the picture floated down again to another shelf that was empty and down further to another shelf where a baby teetered on that one...it stayed there for awhile until finally it too slid off, though this time the 'camera' followed it downward to where I thought there would be a floor, but there wasn't...it was black water...the baby slid into it as had all the ones before....it was awful...!!!
It was like people were placing their babies on the shelves and leaving them there even though it was highly likely they would slide off and drown in the water below!
I thought later that maybe, as an attempt to not be accused of murder they just left the babies there and the shelf would be to blame...or the babies themselves for moving around..it was sick. I wonder if abortion works the same way... sick bastards.
I also had a thought about how certain 'churchs' work too. In that if you get pregnant before marriage you are considered in default...and they kick you out, and they turn against you...because you weren't good enough......and maybe that church family is all these people had....and how awful it would be for them to lose that family...and to what lengths would they go to keep it..... possibly having a secret abortion just so they could retain their status in their church family...and that is just perverted and backwards, but I wonder if it could be true that the church no matter how against they are of a certain practice...that they themselves being so judgmental and inconsiderate that they actually support that which they claim to despise....not intentionally, but by controlling it's citizens in fear. Using loss and fear and condemnation as a means to retain that happy feeling gushy love huggy feeling that so many think they are actually a part of...when in actuality those members go home and spread rumors and drama and contempt for one another....
Maybe it's just me, but I know what 'real' is....and the biggest fake people I have ever met are located on that church pew. Not all of them dumbass, but a few. Stop twisting shit around to make it go against you or your religion. GOSH! I just know someone out there reading this are gonna go..."you're the devil...how bad of you to judge...blah blah blah.."
And you know what...I'm not saying they are bad people. I'm not saying those select few are not children of God. I am saying that people get blinded sometimes though. I am saying that as a good person at all, then it should be your duty to show compassion and love and help them 'see'....if you still want to twist it around even more distorted so that it helps you make up negative accusations and ideals, then go right ahead...I choose not to do that to myself. I love you anyway....but I am not sorry ;) and remember 'offend' is the word of the month!
Okay, so I wrote nothing at all of importance and nothing at all of education, but I'll get there later this week if I survive that long and the inspiration hits. Love all you bodacious ludicrous envisioning vicarious exuberant felons with pink bunny ears!!! (((HUGS)))
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Stories of good and bad
Well, I have good news and bad news....
Bad news first, to get it out of the way. I feel like utter crap. Was fine at roller derby yesterday, but after getting home it went downhill. Not fun. I'll spare the details. But finally about 2am I fell asleep and it went away. Today I don;t feel 'bad', but I have that lingering, 'what the heck was that' thing that makes me feel like I'm not right. kwim?
Anyway, it had better go on.
I posted an ad in the paper looking for a seamstress and already had a few calls, which is great, except most don;t own a serger :/ . But hopefully they can get ahold of one so I can sell stuff and not have to do ALL the work, it really is taxing. We shall see.
The possible buyers of the place across the street are there mowing the grass. they haven't bought it yet, but maybe trying to earn kudo points or something. I hate having neighbors. So wish I could just go buy some far far away acreage and not have to worry about weirdos spying on me, lol. Not that they do, but I always suspect :)
Because really now, I spy on them. LOL!
I also have work to do and feeling a bit ick today is not going to get it done. Plus I have my camera club class tonight, which I hope to go to...too bad it is today and not Friday or something. Not feeling all nice and yay :/
Good news....hubby is back on first shift! So besides the dramatic schedule change we will need to get used to again, we might be able to actually get some things done around the house. So yay.
Good news, I feel better than yesterday, and people called about my ad.
Good news, is the bed is not far away and maybe I can go take a nap.
Good news, is we most likely will be skipping schoolwork today unless I get some sort of energy boost....of course, I like doing schoolwork, kids not so much, lol.
So....what else...hmmmm.....idk...besides I have lots of work to do and the day is more than half over...ugh.
So the word of the month was offensive, but I can't think of anything offensive just yet...*sigh. Maybe later or tomorrow, or later this week.
Do you find it offensive that I can't keep up with posting offensive things, or lack the ability to find something offensive? ...what I mean by that is... that I find it rather difficult to find something that offends me...one because I am really nonjudgemental unless you're a complete moron, two because things that you may find offensive do not affect me, three because unless I can teach you something about it what is the point in sharing it....
Let me tell you a story instead, maybe I'll get better at it if I practice more.
Once there was this dark dreary night. A child shivered in the cold, alone, unheard, and unseen. He cried out for help, saddened by things he did, although they themselves were not actually bad. Just what others thought about them.
He spoke to God that night and the Lord. He cried as he asked what he did wrong, he sobbed harshly and asked not to be lost, to be saved again, to be unforgotten, and to not be turned away.
The Lord knelt down to him and wiped his tears away.
"Do not fear child, as you will not stand amongst the judged. For I will call you up to Me, and you will be standing beside Me on that day."
His words cut deep like a sword, and a calmness surrounded the child. Never lost, never forgotten, never turned away, always belonging, always loved, always family.
Let these things fall away from you. All your failures, all your doubts, fears, worries.... even those things which you pick up, like opinions, others opinions. Do not carry them forward into tomorrow. Leave them here to rot. For He will accept you as you truly are...if only you truly knew yourself, you would realize what a beautiful person you are....but it gets hidden under these things...and you bury yourself, and you hide in your caves and ask the rocks to fall upon you, because you disgust yourself. When in fact it is those things you carry that harm you, and hide you from His face.
For some education too...and to cleanse yourself from these things...try handing them to Him and watch them be taken away....try aligning your chakras, it's a serious remedy. Yes, it is eastern medicine, and if that offends you then GREAT! Suffer in your anxieties and when you are ready to find yourself and discover Him as He is and not what you hold in your hands....you can come back and accept all things as they are and not as you want them to be. Stop being selfish, in the bible they call that greed, and lust, and vanity, and pride, and envy, and gluttony, and sloth, and wrath.
Okay, so vanity isn't one of the 7 sins, but only those caught up in a book and not in their lives would notice that if I hadn't of told you. Still fits in there though.
Oh, and release every single idea and belief you now hold. Yes, every one, even those you fear to let go...and you know which one I mean. Let it go....
Let me tell you another story ;)
Once there was a girl who walked into the spiritual realm. In a special place there was a room where the Lord sat admist His garden. This room was surrounded by a massive glass wall....in front of this wall were many people standing in awe at what they had found....they stood there on the outside of the glass looking in thinking they had truly found God. They were amazed at the beautiful garden, they stood in awe watching Him tend to the garden and going about His duties.
Now on the outside beside the glass wall their was a corridor. It was a dark cave path, no one gave it any mind, but just stopped and stared through the glass. The girl watched the hordes of people straining to get a look through the glass and looked over the the dark path. She walked over to it and noticed that at the other end of it was a door. She walked in and up to the door. On the door there was a sign that read "Only those who do not fear losing sight of Me, may enter."
She opened the door and walked in. It gently closed behind her. She found herself in the garden where the Lord was. The room was not a room and no glass wall could be seen, it was another world, another life, neverending..
"Not many would walk through the dark to come to Me." He said.
"But you are always with us, why do they wait outside?" She asked.
"They choose to know me only as what they see and only what they can understand."
"Will they ever find a way in?" she asked.
"They must not rely on their own understanding, but let it all go without fear, then they will know not just what I am, but who I am, and shall be with Me in this garden."
I like that one... :) hope you do too :) and I hope you are open to knowing the lesson within it...
Have fun my cute little tadpoles!
Bad news first, to get it out of the way. I feel like utter crap. Was fine at roller derby yesterday, but after getting home it went downhill. Not fun. I'll spare the details. But finally about 2am I fell asleep and it went away. Today I don;t feel 'bad', but I have that lingering, 'what the heck was that' thing that makes me feel like I'm not right. kwim?
Anyway, it had better go on.
I posted an ad in the paper looking for a seamstress and already had a few calls, which is great, except most don;t own a serger :/ . But hopefully they can get ahold of one so I can sell stuff and not have to do ALL the work, it really is taxing. We shall see.
The possible buyers of the place across the street are there mowing the grass. they haven't bought it yet, but maybe trying to earn kudo points or something. I hate having neighbors. So wish I could just go buy some far far away acreage and not have to worry about weirdos spying on me, lol. Not that they do, but I always suspect :)
Because really now, I spy on them. LOL!
I also have work to do and feeling a bit ick today is not going to get it done. Plus I have my camera club class tonight, which I hope to go to...too bad it is today and not Friday or something. Not feeling all nice and yay :/
Good news....hubby is back on first shift! So besides the dramatic schedule change we will need to get used to again, we might be able to actually get some things done around the house. So yay.
Good news, I feel better than yesterday, and people called about my ad.
Good news, is the bed is not far away and maybe I can go take a nap.
Good news, is we most likely will be skipping schoolwork today unless I get some sort of energy boost....of course, I like doing schoolwork, kids not so much, lol.
So....what else...hmmmm.....idk...besides I have lots of work to do and the day is more than half over...ugh.
So the word of the month was offensive, but I can't think of anything offensive just yet...*sigh. Maybe later or tomorrow, or later this week.
Do you find it offensive that I can't keep up with posting offensive things, or lack the ability to find something offensive? ...what I mean by that is... that I find it rather difficult to find something that offends me...one because I am really nonjudgemental unless you're a complete moron, two because things that you may find offensive do not affect me, three because unless I can teach you something about it what is the point in sharing it....
Let me tell you a story instead, maybe I'll get better at it if I practice more.
Once there was this dark dreary night. A child shivered in the cold, alone, unheard, and unseen. He cried out for help, saddened by things he did, although they themselves were not actually bad. Just what others thought about them.
He spoke to God that night and the Lord. He cried as he asked what he did wrong, he sobbed harshly and asked not to be lost, to be saved again, to be unforgotten, and to not be turned away.
The Lord knelt down to him and wiped his tears away.
"Do not fear child, as you will not stand amongst the judged. For I will call you up to Me, and you will be standing beside Me on that day."
His words cut deep like a sword, and a calmness surrounded the child. Never lost, never forgotten, never turned away, always belonging, always loved, always family.
Let these things fall away from you. All your failures, all your doubts, fears, worries.... even those things which you pick up, like opinions, others opinions. Do not carry them forward into tomorrow. Leave them here to rot. For He will accept you as you truly are...if only you truly knew yourself, you would realize what a beautiful person you are....but it gets hidden under these things...and you bury yourself, and you hide in your caves and ask the rocks to fall upon you, because you disgust yourself. When in fact it is those things you carry that harm you, and hide you from His face.
For some education too...and to cleanse yourself from these things...try handing them to Him and watch them be taken away....try aligning your chakras, it's a serious remedy. Yes, it is eastern medicine, and if that offends you then GREAT! Suffer in your anxieties and when you are ready to find yourself and discover Him as He is and not what you hold in your hands....you can come back and accept all things as they are and not as you want them to be. Stop being selfish, in the bible they call that greed, and lust, and vanity, and pride, and envy, and gluttony, and sloth, and wrath.
Okay, so vanity isn't one of the 7 sins, but only those caught up in a book and not in their lives would notice that if I hadn't of told you. Still fits in there though.
Oh, and release every single idea and belief you now hold. Yes, every one, even those you fear to let go...and you know which one I mean. Let it go....
Let me tell you another story ;)
Once there was a girl who walked into the spiritual realm. In a special place there was a room where the Lord sat admist His garden. This room was surrounded by a massive glass wall....in front of this wall were many people standing in awe at what they had found....they stood there on the outside of the glass looking in thinking they had truly found God. They were amazed at the beautiful garden, they stood in awe watching Him tend to the garden and going about His duties.
Now on the outside beside the glass wall their was a corridor. It was a dark cave path, no one gave it any mind, but just stopped and stared through the glass. The girl watched the hordes of people straining to get a look through the glass and looked over the the dark path. She walked over to it and noticed that at the other end of it was a door. She walked in and up to the door. On the door there was a sign that read "Only those who do not fear losing sight of Me, may enter."
She opened the door and walked in. It gently closed behind her. She found herself in the garden where the Lord was. The room was not a room and no glass wall could be seen, it was another world, another life, neverending..
"Not many would walk through the dark to come to Me." He said.
"But you are always with us, why do they wait outside?" She asked.
"They choose to know me only as what they see and only what they can understand."
"Will they ever find a way in?" she asked.
"They must not rely on their own understanding, but let it all go without fear, then they will know not just what I am, but who I am, and shall be with Me in this garden."
I like that one... :) hope you do too :) and I hope you are open to knowing the lesson within it...
Have fun my cute little tadpoles!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Scars are souveneirs you never lose.
I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose....tossed along the way..
Things are beautiful. No matter how hard they are to see that way....
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a young girl in her late twenties. She had a job and a family. She was happy....in all except for her weight. She wasn't too large, not really even considered fat, but she had more on her than she was comfortable with. She felt fat and her clothes never fit right, and she would go out of her way to wear items that would hide the too much rolling skin areas. She was happy, all except for that excess...that little bit of excess.
So each night she would talk to God in her prayers, asking for a way to get healthy, to get thinner, to feel better about herself....and each day went by unfulfilled.
Continuing on in her nightly routine, she just decided to spill it and demanded that something be done. That this thought of herself was dissolving her self confidence. She wanted action!
Not too long after she was struck with an illness. One that didn't have answers. She lost weight, quickly and painfully. She was scared for her life. No one knew what was wrong with her. Food made her sick, not eating made her sick. She suffered.
Each night she would talk to God in her prayers, asking for a way to get healthy, to be cured, for answers to this suffering....she cried...each night.
Each day went by unfulfilled.
Then after many many months...a year or so...something happened inside herself....she sat down and told God that she accepted everything. She accepted her suffering, her sickness, her pain. She accepted not knowing any answers. She accepted what was hers to bear....and she thanked Him. She said she would carry this as long as He needed her to.
Soon after, things changed....more things became clearer and a few answers appeared. Not long later new info was available....she had answers....she became whole once again. Perhaps not the best like before, but now she carried something even better....trust, respect, and a love for herself the way she is, no matter what...a deeper rooted love for God, a new found compassion, and a softer voice, a more humbled heart...and a wholesome life... He gave her all she needed in the beginning, but to show her what she had, she had to have new eyes...
These are gifts only One certain person can give. Accept all things, as they are perfect, you just have to be able to see that perfection in them.....
Like that one? I hope so...
I feel sad....today I am a failure... maybe not really in the whole spectrum of things, but one bad thing can cover all the good things...and that one thing is pitiful. Today I hate myself....at least right now anyway.
I have taken the first step in fixing things....the issue is that there is a few more miles to go till it may become a distant memory. I suck.
Today wasn't even bad, as I won a great deal on my dd's birthday present... (okay so it's a present for everyone, but still) and I ....can't even remember what I did the rest of the day, ugh. I sewed all I could because I'm out of elastic. Though I could sew up some fairies...hmmm.
But nope, I want to write, so here I am....and I may even work on my book too.....as spending time with my characters is a great way to feel happy again....
Maybe I can talk the kids into doing something...it's trying to figure out what that something is...
I don;t like tv, even though it can effectively take you away from your problems...however, I find it more appealing to face them straight on...
You know what....I have another story similar to that first one, but I'm not sure what it actually taught besides proof of God. I will share it later though....as I am a chicken when it comes to sharing things like that...because it still shakes you on the inside each and every time you try to speak the words that have to do with a spiritual experience. And you end up getting freaked out again.... I am weird, lol. I can't even go back and read things on my deviant art journal without freaking myself out....although I am the only one who's been there...and when I can't remember writing it, or worse yet, when what I wrote coincides with something that happened just after...it's really freaky....
Now I used to be what others would call psychic back in my teenage years, but I can't do all that stuff nowadays, I guess it really does fade away....besides having strange experiences later on..... but I totally assume everyone else has them too, they just don't notice things like I do...whatever, let's get off the subject. Or the thumpers will come after me and start spreading more rumors about things they don;t understand....bite me. I only have one cauldron...and I haven't touched my tarot cards in years, lol... no really, I don't have a cauldron, I don;t think I even own a black pot..or black candle...and I don't sit to the north either, and I don;t pray on my knees, or clasp my hands together...or shake some beads around and chant some rosary, or bow to anything, or say grace before dinner... (okay, actually we do say grace...but it's literately "Grace" unless it's Thanksgiving or Christmas) yes, I'm shameful....but I give thanks to Him all day everyday...and when I forget it's okay. I'm not required to do anything, not sure why others think they are? I'm not special, why do I get to enjoy this bliss alone?? :(
Let me rephrase that...I am not 'required' to do anything, but that doesn't mean I don;t 'want' to do something....I have got to go before we get into some deep shit that people will distort and twist until they can make it go against themselves...whether it's to make me look bad, or whether they just need the thought that they are getting prosecuted, idk, I don;t care. I kinda like watching their kingdoms shake and crumble....because if they will allow it, He will build it better than they ever could.
I guess we should offend someone to test their foundations...let's make that the word of the month!!! Last month it was "Educate", this month it will be "Offend"...because Our goal is to make sure your faith can stand...
I have a picture I saw today...at first I laughed because it was funny, not based on the pic itself, but because of the posts I was reading and it kinda matched rally well....then after rally rereading it, I thought it was awful...Kinda sad too...I knew it would be something that would definitely offend certain people...it didn't offend me personally, but I want you to see it and tell me what you think, or if you won;t share your thoughts, then think about how it makes you feel and why it does that, and then reread it and see it from a different perspective on how it could be seen as non-offensive......
ready?
Now is it bad, that I still laugh when I read it?? Does that make me mean or bad?? No, I just have a sense of humor even though I admire those that experience life through different perspectives and challenges. I'm not offended, because no matter how I may appear, I know I still love and do not hold any negative reactions to things.... There is a quote I rad before that would fit perfectly with our offending class...but I have to look it up and I have no idea where in that book it is.....the book is called "Gardening at the Dragon's Gate" I will find the quote for you though and we can talk about it tomorrow... :)
Love all you wonderful muchrooms, shade and sweet water!
Things are beautiful. No matter how hard they are to see that way....
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a young girl in her late twenties. She had a job and a family. She was happy....in all except for her weight. She wasn't too large, not really even considered fat, but she had more on her than she was comfortable with. She felt fat and her clothes never fit right, and she would go out of her way to wear items that would hide the too much rolling skin areas. She was happy, all except for that excess...that little bit of excess.
So each night she would talk to God in her prayers, asking for a way to get healthy, to get thinner, to feel better about herself....and each day went by unfulfilled.
Continuing on in her nightly routine, she just decided to spill it and demanded that something be done. That this thought of herself was dissolving her self confidence. She wanted action!
Not too long after she was struck with an illness. One that didn't have answers. She lost weight, quickly and painfully. She was scared for her life. No one knew what was wrong with her. Food made her sick, not eating made her sick. She suffered.
Each night she would talk to God in her prayers, asking for a way to get healthy, to be cured, for answers to this suffering....she cried...each night.
Each day went by unfulfilled.
Then after many many months...a year or so...something happened inside herself....she sat down and told God that she accepted everything. She accepted her suffering, her sickness, her pain. She accepted not knowing any answers. She accepted what was hers to bear....and she thanked Him. She said she would carry this as long as He needed her to.
Soon after, things changed....more things became clearer and a few answers appeared. Not long later new info was available....she had answers....she became whole once again. Perhaps not the best like before, but now she carried something even better....trust, respect, and a love for herself the way she is, no matter what...a deeper rooted love for God, a new found compassion, and a softer voice, a more humbled heart...and a wholesome life... He gave her all she needed in the beginning, but to show her what she had, she had to have new eyes...
These are gifts only One certain person can give. Accept all things, as they are perfect, you just have to be able to see that perfection in them.....
Like that one? I hope so...
I feel sad....today I am a failure... maybe not really in the whole spectrum of things, but one bad thing can cover all the good things...and that one thing is pitiful. Today I hate myself....at least right now anyway.
I have taken the first step in fixing things....the issue is that there is a few more miles to go till it may become a distant memory. I suck.
Today wasn't even bad, as I won a great deal on my dd's birthday present... (okay so it's a present for everyone, but still) and I ....can't even remember what I did the rest of the day, ugh. I sewed all I could because I'm out of elastic. Though I could sew up some fairies...hmmm.
But nope, I want to write, so here I am....and I may even work on my book too.....as spending time with my characters is a great way to feel happy again....
Maybe I can talk the kids into doing something...it's trying to figure out what that something is...
I don;t like tv, even though it can effectively take you away from your problems...however, I find it more appealing to face them straight on...
You know what....I have another story similar to that first one, but I'm not sure what it actually taught besides proof of God. I will share it later though....as I am a chicken when it comes to sharing things like that...because it still shakes you on the inside each and every time you try to speak the words that have to do with a spiritual experience. And you end up getting freaked out again.... I am weird, lol. I can't even go back and read things on my deviant art journal without freaking myself out....although I am the only one who's been there...and when I can't remember writing it, or worse yet, when what I wrote coincides with something that happened just after...it's really freaky....
Now I used to be what others would call psychic back in my teenage years, but I can't do all that stuff nowadays, I guess it really does fade away....besides having strange experiences later on..... but I totally assume everyone else has them too, they just don't notice things like I do...whatever, let's get off the subject. Or the thumpers will come after me and start spreading more rumors about things they don;t understand....bite me. I only have one cauldron...and I haven't touched my tarot cards in years, lol... no really, I don't have a cauldron, I don;t think I even own a black pot..or black candle...and I don't sit to the north either, and I don;t pray on my knees, or clasp my hands together...or shake some beads around and chant some rosary, or bow to anything, or say grace before dinner... (okay, actually we do say grace...but it's literately "Grace" unless it's Thanksgiving or Christmas) yes, I'm shameful....but I give thanks to Him all day everyday...and when I forget it's okay. I'm not required to do anything, not sure why others think they are? I'm not special, why do I get to enjoy this bliss alone?? :(
Let me rephrase that...I am not 'required' to do anything, but that doesn't mean I don;t 'want' to do something....I have got to go before we get into some deep shit that people will distort and twist until they can make it go against themselves...whether it's to make me look bad, or whether they just need the thought that they are getting prosecuted, idk, I don;t care. I kinda like watching their kingdoms shake and crumble....because if they will allow it, He will build it better than they ever could.
I guess we should offend someone to test their foundations...let's make that the word of the month!!! Last month it was "Educate", this month it will be "Offend"...because Our goal is to make sure your faith can stand...
I have a picture I saw today...at first I laughed because it was funny, not based on the pic itself, but because of the posts I was reading and it kinda matched rally well....then after rally rereading it, I thought it was awful...Kinda sad too...I knew it would be something that would definitely offend certain people...it didn't offend me personally, but I want you to see it and tell me what you think, or if you won;t share your thoughts, then think about how it makes you feel and why it does that, and then reread it and see it from a different perspective on how it could be seen as non-offensive......
ready?
Now is it bad, that I still laugh when I read it?? Does that make me mean or bad?? No, I just have a sense of humor even though I admire those that experience life through different perspectives and challenges. I'm not offended, because no matter how I may appear, I know I still love and do not hold any negative reactions to things.... There is a quote I rad before that would fit perfectly with our offending class...but I have to look it up and I have no idea where in that book it is.....the book is called "Gardening at the Dragon's Gate" I will find the quote for you though and we can talk about it tomorrow... :)
Love all you wonderful muchrooms, shade and sweet water!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
"Sucker" tastes like a lollipop to me.....
$12,244.....or something close to that.
That's the estimated cost of a top of the line, 20.5 SEER kick-ass heat pump split system. Labor and all.
That's about what I expected, and truthfully it's actually way less than the price I had in the back of my mind (with me thinking it'll be something stupid like 18k)...So, looks like we will be money hunting tomorrow. That's always fun... and if it was like when we bought hubby's truck, we will go in and leave without paying a cent. Because yeah, our credit is that good. But let me tell you, it's not always easy keeping it that way.
Pay on time, every time, and always more than they ask for, even if it's only a few bucks. I round it up to the nearest 25 usually, unless it is a 'flat broke' month, then the payment gets rounded up to the nearest 10, or at the least the nearest 5....unless it's a medical bill, they get to wait it out till I get more money.
What's in the news today....
I did the stupid thing of thinking about my new idea again. The one with the little shop... I had better stop that! Somehow it keeps worming it's way back into my thoughts of how cool it would be to create..... but I think it has to do more with the fact I can go yard sale hunting for cool looking things to reinvent and resell. (thank that lovely long yard sale I passed by today for giving me the idea)
I need to contact my potential models today too....as I will no longer be making custom outfits and therefore will not need their services. Customs, as in remakes of something I've already done.....though I do like making new things, so those types of customs are just fine. Or I can offer remakes for a stupid price that is unfair and pretty much a rip off, but if someone buys it I won;t feel so bad for having to remake it.....I'll just keeping humming to myself "sucker" while I'm sewing it up. :)
Yes, I can be ruthless sometimes.
But I need to be since we are about to take on a large sum loan. So screw you if you have problems with ruthlessness. I need to pay bills. Because I have plans, and dreams, and adventures in the making that I will not set aside for the sake of being nice or being fair. I'm the boss, I make the rules up as I go. If you were the boss, you'd understand.
But I am actually a nice person, and if you ask, i might give you a deal, because I am also a sucker... I like making people happy, I like sharing what I do with others, I like making kids smile, I like doing whatever I can to ease the burden. I may write rude things, but that's my fingers talking. I'm a rather easy going person and sometimes a push-over. Lol. Like I said, just ask if you need something. :)
Okay, enough sappy shit. Saturday I'm going shopping for tax free crap, some of which we need, some we most likely don't, and I'm going to stay away from Hobby Lobby...as I just bought fabrics yesterday I need and want, and saved some in my favorites list to possibly get later....eeeesh.... and I'm trying to win something for Skylar's birthday, but these crazy ebay people are outbidding me ! UGH! I lost twice already and one I was there at the end using that 1-click bid shit and still lost!!! I got up at 7am for that crap! (yes, I went back to sleep, but still, I did get up.)
Now, I'm waiting on a listing I sent in an offer for, so I'm hoping they will accept it, I'm tired of waiting for listing to end. In the meantime it is driving me CRAZY!!!! The lot has more items than we need or want, so I am planning to resell what we are not keeping to make some of the cost back. They just are taking too long to let me know!!!! It's been like over 3 hours!!! LOL!!!
I still need to get pics ordered, get some books I've been wanting on amazon ordered (free btw, thanks to swagbucks!!)
bills...how'd that get on my to do list?
and I need to sew!!! I would like to get 2 more skirt bundles made up, but you see where I'm at...and I need to go cook dinner first.
and I have like 10 or so premade items I need to list to get them out of here! I hate hanging on to things.
and I WANT to work on my book, but I haven't even touched it for like 3 months...I am so mad at myself. Considering I place that story on 'my top 5 most important things in my life'...ugh, I SUCK! I do work on it in my head every single night before I fall asleep, but that doesn't get it done and out of my head. *sigh.... I know I should take my own advice and just DO IT!!! lol...
I need to go cook dinner, I am hungry and I'm sure the kids are getting there, though they haven't complained except for asking about 10 times "What's for dinner?"
Gotta go, love you munchkins...have a blessed day and evening, and a most wonderous night filled with star dancing and laughing buffalos in the clouds. :)
That's the estimated cost of a top of the line, 20.5 SEER kick-ass heat pump split system. Labor and all.
That's about what I expected, and truthfully it's actually way less than the price I had in the back of my mind (with me thinking it'll be something stupid like 18k)...So, looks like we will be money hunting tomorrow. That's always fun... and if it was like when we bought hubby's truck, we will go in and leave without paying a cent. Because yeah, our credit is that good. But let me tell you, it's not always easy keeping it that way.
Pay on time, every time, and always more than they ask for, even if it's only a few bucks. I round it up to the nearest 25 usually, unless it is a 'flat broke' month, then the payment gets rounded up to the nearest 10, or at the least the nearest 5....unless it's a medical bill, they get to wait it out till I get more money.
What's in the news today....
I did the stupid thing of thinking about my new idea again. The one with the little shop... I had better stop that! Somehow it keeps worming it's way back into my thoughts of how cool it would be to create..... but I think it has to do more with the fact I can go yard sale hunting for cool looking things to reinvent and resell. (thank that lovely long yard sale I passed by today for giving me the idea)
I need to contact my potential models today too....as I will no longer be making custom outfits and therefore will not need their services. Customs, as in remakes of something I've already done.....though I do like making new things, so those types of customs are just fine. Or I can offer remakes for a stupid price that is unfair and pretty much a rip off, but if someone buys it I won;t feel so bad for having to remake it.....I'll just keeping humming to myself "sucker" while I'm sewing it up. :)
Yes, I can be ruthless sometimes.
But I need to be since we are about to take on a large sum loan. So screw you if you have problems with ruthlessness. I need to pay bills. Because I have plans, and dreams, and adventures in the making that I will not set aside for the sake of being nice or being fair. I'm the boss, I make the rules up as I go. If you were the boss, you'd understand.
But I am actually a nice person, and if you ask, i might give you a deal, because I am also a sucker... I like making people happy, I like sharing what I do with others, I like making kids smile, I like doing whatever I can to ease the burden. I may write rude things, but that's my fingers talking. I'm a rather easy going person and sometimes a push-over. Lol. Like I said, just ask if you need something. :)
Okay, enough sappy shit. Saturday I'm going shopping for tax free crap, some of which we need, some we most likely don't, and I'm going to stay away from Hobby Lobby...as I just bought fabrics yesterday I need and want, and saved some in my favorites list to possibly get later....eeeesh.... and I'm trying to win something for Skylar's birthday, but these crazy ebay people are outbidding me ! UGH! I lost twice already and one I was there at the end using that 1-click bid shit and still lost!!! I got up at 7am for that crap! (yes, I went back to sleep, but still, I did get up.)
Now, I'm waiting on a listing I sent in an offer for, so I'm hoping they will accept it, I'm tired of waiting for listing to end. In the meantime it is driving me CRAZY!!!! The lot has more items than we need or want, so I am planning to resell what we are not keeping to make some of the cost back. They just are taking too long to let me know!!!! It's been like over 3 hours!!! LOL!!!
I still need to get pics ordered, get some books I've been wanting on amazon ordered (free btw, thanks to swagbucks!!)
bills...how'd that get on my to do list?
and I need to sew!!! I would like to get 2 more skirt bundles made up, but you see where I'm at...and I need to go cook dinner first.
and I have like 10 or so premade items I need to list to get them out of here! I hate hanging on to things.
and I WANT to work on my book, but I haven't even touched it for like 3 months...I am so mad at myself. Considering I place that story on 'my top 5 most important things in my life'...ugh, I SUCK! I do work on it in my head every single night before I fall asleep, but that doesn't get it done and out of my head. *sigh.... I know I should take my own advice and just DO IT!!! lol...
I need to go cook dinner, I am hungry and I'm sure the kids are getting there, though they haven't complained except for asking about 10 times "What's for dinner?"
Gotta go, love you munchkins...have a blessed day and evening, and a most wonderous night filled with star dancing and laughing buffalos in the clouds. :)
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
bunch o'nuttin
Oh my...where should we start today!
The house got cleaned today....I'm not quite sure how, but it did get there...not super cleaned, and I didn't mop n' glo the floor, but clean enough...more so than usual anyway.
The CH/A Heat pump guy came by today too. Supposed to call tomorrow with the $$$estimate$$$ ...yeah, we'll see where to go after that. But hoping it is not too far out of our midget budget....I'm okay with a total less than what we owe on the truck, and a payment less than the visa bill. We shall see, but truthfully we have no choice, unless we want to freeze in the winter....so not going to happen.....because I can gladly move to Hawaii before winter. I'll still have my job, because it comes with me :)
But oh my oh my!!! Speaking about my job!
I had a thought today.
Yes, we all know that a thought is the beginning of a magical journey!!! and it would be sooooooo FUN!
I could incorporate all my talents into one magical place. It would be awesome.....I could sell stuff, and provide services, and give customers a thousand options...it in fact would be a magical place.....to build a brick and mortar shop....
But I hate rules and laws and taxes. I hate paperwork. And my town is too small to help pay the bills that I would obtain from having this 'place'. The city next door may be big enough, but I have like 2 customers in Chattanooga. I don;t think people there even know that the stuff I create exists....
I bet I could open a place in Hawaii....or somewhere fun. But I don;t want to live in or near the city....ugh....shit, I talked myself out of it...nevermind.
How about this...I close down shop...see I'm not even bummed about that at all, lol. But this still doesn't help with the fact that I have a major fabric addiction.....and in fact, I bought some today. ;) it's pretty :)
...and...I am fixing to do something drastic with my biz. I just can't go another day 'thinking' about it and not doing it.....because my new motto is 'just do it' kinda like Nike...even though I don;t own any nike's...I own skechers.
So, if things have disappeared from my facebook page or etsy shop, that is why. Because if something 'NEEDS' done it will get done NOW!
Well, I stopped in the middle of writing to get 'that' done, lol....I am SERIOUS!!!
So, what do you want to talk about today?
The house got cleaned today....I'm not quite sure how, but it did get there...not super cleaned, and I didn't mop n' glo the floor, but clean enough...more so than usual anyway.
The CH/A Heat pump guy came by today too. Supposed to call tomorrow with the $$$estimate$$$ ...yeah, we'll see where to go after that. But hoping it is not too far out of our midget budget....I'm okay with a total less than what we owe on the truck, and a payment less than the visa bill. We shall see, but truthfully we have no choice, unless we want to freeze in the winter....so not going to happen.....because I can gladly move to Hawaii before winter. I'll still have my job, because it comes with me :)
But oh my oh my!!! Speaking about my job!
I had a thought today.
Yes, we all know that a thought is the beginning of a magical journey!!! and it would be sooooooo FUN!
I could incorporate all my talents into one magical place. It would be awesome.....I could sell stuff, and provide services, and give customers a thousand options...it in fact would be a magical place.....to build a brick and mortar shop....
But I hate rules and laws and taxes. I hate paperwork. And my town is too small to help pay the bills that I would obtain from having this 'place'. The city next door may be big enough, but I have like 2 customers in Chattanooga. I don;t think people there even know that the stuff I create exists....
I bet I could open a place in Hawaii....or somewhere fun. But I don;t want to live in or near the city....ugh....shit, I talked myself out of it...nevermind.
How about this...I close down shop...see I'm not even bummed about that at all, lol. But this still doesn't help with the fact that I have a major fabric addiction.....and in fact, I bought some today. ;) it's pretty :)
...and...I am fixing to do something drastic with my biz. I just can't go another day 'thinking' about it and not doing it.....because my new motto is 'just do it' kinda like Nike...even though I don;t own any nike's...I own skechers.
So, if things have disappeared from my facebook page or etsy shop, that is why. Because if something 'NEEDS' done it will get done NOW!
Well, I stopped in the middle of writing to get 'that' done, lol....I am SERIOUS!!!
So, what do you want to talk about today?
Monday, August 1, 2011
yep, perfectly imperfect.....
Do you know how it is when it starts getting dark at night, but the stars have yet to reveal themselves? You know they are there, but they just aren't brilliantly radiating yet. Your eyes haven't adjusted, the skies haven't turned black. The light from them hasn't reached your eyes....
That is how it is right now.
But I'm not talking about outside....(as it's 3 am, I'm pretty sure it's really dark out there), I'm talking about on the inside of yourself.....
How you have something that is emerging, but just can't quite share it yet....mainly because you don;t know what it is yet, but you feel it coming. How you can't explain it, but soon enough it will pour out like a rushing river. Shine forth like a blazing star....
That is how it is right now...... humbly waiting in the dark....waiting for that something that will soon explode....it hurts. If I knew what it was I could elaborate, or even if I had a hint....but I do not. But it will come in its time. Always on time.
I found something today, but I am too much of a wuss to share it. Yes, I suck. But it was a good thing...and I am positive you will discover what it was that I found within the next 3 or so blog posts...assuming you can see it. I will not tell you though.
Anyway....hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow. I will be sewing and taking pictures, and driving down the mountain, and maybe we can get some schoolwork done tomorrow.
Today was great....but I feel kinda eh...but maybe that's because it is way way late, and I didn't get what I needed to done. I need to go, see you wonderful squirrels later.
That is how it is right now.
But I'm not talking about outside....(as it's 3 am, I'm pretty sure it's really dark out there), I'm talking about on the inside of yourself.....
How you have something that is emerging, but just can't quite share it yet....mainly because you don;t know what it is yet, but you feel it coming. How you can't explain it, but soon enough it will pour out like a rushing river. Shine forth like a blazing star....
That is how it is right now...... humbly waiting in the dark....waiting for that something that will soon explode....it hurts. If I knew what it was I could elaborate, or even if I had a hint....but I do not. But it will come in its time. Always on time.
I found something today, but I am too much of a wuss to share it. Yes, I suck. But it was a good thing...and I am positive you will discover what it was that I found within the next 3 or so blog posts...assuming you can see it. I will not tell you though.
Anyway....hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow. I will be sewing and taking pictures, and driving down the mountain, and maybe we can get some schoolwork done tomorrow.
Today was great....but I feel kinda eh...but maybe that's because it is way way late, and I didn't get what I needed to done. I need to go, see you wonderful squirrels later.
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