cup of tea, my dear?

Do you know what's funny....
I used to live up in the boonies....far far away, on the mountain (well....more like a big hill, but 'they' call it a mountain, psh!). Anyway...we lived next to the woods....lots of woods, overlooking a nice little valley area. It snowed every year, at least a few times...and if they said it 'might' snow, we were getting snow. Lots of bugs, ticks, fleas, bees, giant ass hornets. Very few squirrels, mosquitoes and other creatures except there was an ample supply of predatory birds that circled the valley behind the house.
So this place was far from anything per say. 1 crappy walmart within a 15 minute drive 1 way. You were screwed if you needed anything else other than gas or car parts.
So we lived there for...oh...about 10 years. Tried to grow grass for those 10 years unsuccessfully and only saw 2 deer within view from the house during those 10 years, a few turtles, a few snakes, only 1 rattler though. The girl claimed she saw a massive black bird-like creature flying behind the house, bigger than the car. I saw shadows in the yard quite often, and the dogs were convinced every night that boogie men were in the forest.

Now we live back in society. In the valley, but up on a hill. No huge woods, but we have a wooded area far behind the house. Not too many bugs (at least not yet, we've only been here since late Sept.) Thousands of squirrels, falcons, hawks, owls, raccoons, fox, among other creatures we get to see, and including that turkey the other day nibbling at something in our yard. Stores within 'sure, I'll run out to pick it up' distance. Grass in the yard already. Dogs still bark at the boogie men, and the radio tower I once saw that UFO fly by is in the distance.
Now it seems that instead of this...ugh...snow....'I wonder if hubby can still make it to work' thought....I have this ..'ohhh!! Maybe snow, yay!' thought. Cause at least if we build a snow creature in the yard, all the people who drive by can appreciate it. Not that they would.....these city folk who rush to the store to buy their milk and bread for fear of being trapped by a whole foot of snow!!! AHHH!!...hahaha....I like snow. I like my cabinets full of food....(mind that maybe I have more boxes of cake mix than potatoes) and a fireplace for the power outages...ooohh...power outages...like that didn't happen every freaking year up that mountain...hill place.
Anyway...I still own it. But I think the appreciation of the good things is what living without them develops. Kinda like if you lived on the beach...it wouldn't be so great after a long while...with the salt, and sand, and wind, and constant sound. The barren horizon. But visiting there, you appreciate the heat, the sun, the barren horizon, the sand...the sound, the wind, ....the hotel that has the 10 pools....oh sorry...just thinking about my beach vacation I will not be taking next year....unless of course they want to send me 50% off and all, without a minimum stay. I'm poor...with all these 2 mortgage payments, and a fridge to pay off and that other stuff I need to pay for.

I really should be getting work done. Well, I did a lot so far sewing wise, but I need to prep some other print out stuff. I thought of something earlier I was going to write about, but I have forgotten since then so now I'm basically rambling.
My internet has been horrible today. The people who complain about nothing have been dealt with. The hard part of the set I'm working on is finished...and will be complete tomorrow. I'm dissatisfied with the way certain things are going. I'm still thinking about that movie...and how it does an excellent job at portraying the human condition and God even though it doesn't directly imply it. That was what I referred to as the gift I got from it.....so now I'm doing that end of the year sweep of ..oh....everything. Mainly because I'm not the least bit afraid of doing it....yeah....like clearing the chakras, but at a total level. This comes in to play with my resolution to be selfish.
Oh!! oh oh oh! Let me tell you how incredibly awesome my very good friend is!!! OMG! Total kick-ass friend! He is very freaking incredible and even Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE is sure to be aware of it!
I'm probably going to freak half of 'you who still read this lame ass blog' out pretty soon...so be warned....just one of those phases....I'll be fine once everything realigns and all. But it's kinda a situation to where you turn your inner world into utter chaos and catastrophe to be 100% sure on what you are basing your life on...and it needs to be done. So if I say some not so awesome stuff, or even total contradictory stuff, or even omg, wtf stuff.....be passive and just let me have some time to realign the truth to where it needs to be. As we can't believe everything all the time...it must change....and only what survives the chaos can become sacred....and in turn another rod of iron to build your foundation upon. Yeah...like the boss man....even what we believe about Him.....needs to be able to survive the destruction, or what we thought was not the truth......Test the spirits we must.....but tis our own that must be put through the harshest trials.
And this is where you'll find me.


burning...blazing...set afire in the furnace of the stars....like the sun...

Greatness in the little things

...... I dreamed a dream of a life worth living ......

There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds. This is the ultimate end of man, to find the One which is in him; which is his truth, which is his soul; the key with which he opens the gate of the spiritual life, the heavenly kingdom. Before we can pray, "Lord, Thy Kingdom come," we must be willing to pray, "My Kingdom go."
Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before.

Today was a perfect day. Let me tell you why.
First, because it is not yet over. Among the many other obvious blessings which I will not take the time to list. The dinner roll recipe worked perfectly and they were excellent. Brownies do in fact taste better the day after baking too. But these are not the important things, I know, but they are the things still grasping at the limelight pleading to be included as blessings.
Went to see a movie too.....which I will attest that this was my favorite Christmas present. Les Miserables.
Mind you I don't think but maybe 10 words were actually spoken in the entire film, but there's something there...a message pounding through the story and throughout the dialog. Perhaps only I can see these things....but it was beautiful. Highly recommended if you can tolerate constant singing and close ups of people singing for prolonged amounts of time. Something I got from it that was a great gift. Thank you.


I'm going to be so freaking selfish from now on....and you'll thank me for it. I'm going to be so freaking selfish....and it's going to be a beautiful thing.

Poor poor creatures....bestowed with a divine nature....triumph comes with the sunrise of tomorrow.

Love lift us up where we belong....where the eagles fly, on the mountains high.....

.....I dreamed that love would never die... and I dreamed that God would be forgiving....

See you there my friends. Peace out.

9/11 and broke cashola

I'm not sure why I'm here just yet. But I figure it will come to me. "Go write" was the thought...so me being all cooperative am doing so.
I'm feeling rushed, as though there is something that must be said. I'm feeling nervous too, as though something approaches.....and I keep referring to the stupid end of the world that is scheduled, but I know that is not it...at least not exactly.
As a matter of fact, I don't expect anything to happen tomorrow at all...besides a bunch of random facebook posts about how excitedly boring it is tomorrow. But if anything was going to happen, it would be on the 23rd. And only I express that opinion because there is a pattern I have been watching and the 23rd would fit the pattern.....not the 21st. Of course this doesn't mean rapture talk or end of the world, or war, or aliens, or zombie apocalypse either. However if you look at the pattern, it will be related to something involving death and probably guns. Because what better way is there to get people to hand over their weapons than filling those who fear them with just that.....fear. 12/23/12 also adds up to 11, which only leaves the number '6' to come about once the incident happens. And if you even really want to know what that has to do with anything...it would represent 11/6, which if you invert it....is 9/11 ....and this is the consistent pattern that has rampaged the whole year when gun violence has erupted.
It all a conspiracy to get people to relinquish their 2nd amendment rights. Just you wait and see.

Of course, rapture would be awesome too. Tis the season 'eh?
Anyway, I want to thank the most awesomest person ever for His most excellent gifts.

Remember those last 3 orders... I have 2 partly made, as I'm waiting on my fabric to ship to me...the other I'm waiting on payment. I just sold 2 more (yay!). Have a whole design line waiting for fabrics to arrive, 2 more waiting to be put together (once I pick up fabrics for those tomorrow) (Yes, nothing like fabric shopping the day the world should end!) and I'm still liking my job. Though I would much rather take pictures, lol. I have a few photoshoots stewing in my head, but those of course are creative themed ones and cost me time, money, and effort to prepare...none of which I have to give at the moment. Would be nice if someone could pay me for a creative themed shoot beforehand so I have something to work toward and I'd have money to do it with, lol.

Let's talk new year's resolutions. Well, we already know that one of mine I started last week. That one is the resolution to be selfish (hell yeah!). Another is to stop procrastinating. Which I'm going to need some major intervention, because I don't have a clue how to actually begin developing that.

*sigh
wind is turbulent tonight...I like it!

Merry Christmas in case I don't get to say hello again. Happy winter solstice too, cause we all like a little change now and then. And I think Kwanza is next week...happy or whatever they say Kwanza. I really don't care. And Merry Fourthmas too, which is for fun awesome people like me who give gifts ever week of December :) ....though I think I'll be gifted out by the 29th...hmmm... I'll make brownies or something, lol. Maybe some cake pops with my new cake pop cooker thing :)

Stay strong. We are near the finish line, even if you can't see it.

And now that hubby is home early, I don't think I'll get to go fabric shopping tomorrow....will end up being too broke with a short check next week.....ugh, perfect.

Here's you a loopy cord, hold on tight now

*sigh.... I'm struggling here.
Something 'feels' all wrong somehow, but I haven't a clue what it could be. Maybe it's just me and my lack of carbs today or the wet dampness without sunshine. Or maybe it's the world.
Maybe it's the lack of money, or lack of chocolate. Maybe it's nothing to do with immediate resources, but everything to do with the energy that is pumping up from the earth. This 'bad' frequency. And it's been flowing ever so thickly for the last 3 days. One that continuously leaves you feeling a bit angry, a bit sad, and tries to convince you that you are worthless and powerless and absolutely sold on some huge fairytale.
You try to shake yourself out of this stupor, these radiating waves that crash into you over and over and over and over, but even if your brain finds it footing, it's left watching helplessly as your emotions drown in the roaring sea.
We can't save ourselves....

So our logic tells us that reality is as such...and proof unfolds bountifully. Emotions tell us that there is more, it knows there's plenty more than what our brains say exist because its our emotions that remember. The brain often forgets. We may not remember the words, or the reason....but we remember the love, and the joy, and the feeling of having that love. You can't say it doesn't exist if you have ever felt it. The brain will bow to those emotions....because emotions never forget.
People say not to let your emotions run your life. I disagree. The only thing that was ever real is what they have seen and known. The brain tries relentlessly to overpower them...but that love cannot succumb to those pleas. It knows there is 'more' than what the brain can interpret. And when the emotions have a fit of remembrance...a visit to a long past memory....the brain is then silenced....because the eyes will still shine with joy at that memory...and the lips will still smile on cue. For the emotions rule with a consuming fire.

I wonder if those emotions travel across time. Perhaps other lives, or perhaps back to where it began. When there's a pulling so strong toward something your brain has never witnessed. And you may not remember, but a part of you still aches for something...someone. And it/they must exist....they must. If they didn't, your love would only be here before your eyes.


Forget it. I'm not in the mood to explain crap. I'm cold, a bit tired, and bit sad, and do not have the slightest urge to complete my last 2 orders.
I'll try in the morning and prevent myself from checking email first, so I don't get lost on the world wide web. I'm also hoping I can make some sales here soon, since being super broke is no fun, and bills still need paid. Food still needs bought, and no clue how I'm going to get the fabrics I need just yet.

Otherwise besides these most irritating 'feeling(s)' and this aching pull that I'm missing someone, I'm rather good.
The boss man and I had a chat (yeah, finally words!) and I got a simple answer to a simple question....a real answer this time instead of another question that answers your question. Anyway, you'd think I'd be all giddy and excited about that, but I'm just kinda ...'oh, ok' and I know, that's lame for me to be like this, but it's not me...it's the earth vibes or something.

We were watching McGuyver today and they were using a phone...with a loopy cord, lol. And thinking how great it would be if he just had a cell phone to call for help. Wasn't that only maybe 20 years ago? Ugh....makes you wonder where we will be in another 20 years.

Ignore this post.

Today I witnessed something that was sort of a "huh". People watching basically...in the middle of the dreaded wal-mart...just in front of the pasta aisle.
A lady was standing next to her husband in the isle while her buggy blocked the other side of the aisle. A man in the main aisle wanted to turn into this 'pasta' aisle with his buggy, but had to stop since it was being blocked. Another lady on the main aisle coming from the opposite direction also came up to turn into the pasta aisle, but stopped. We were also waiting to turn into the pasta aisle but moved over closer to that freezer section in the middle of the main aisle to wait for the lady and her husband who were blocking the aisle to move....which they weren't even aware that at least 3 people wanted to go down that aisle since they were discussing what I think was pasta sauce...
So instead of me just walking between the lady/husband and their buggy to get the one little thing I needed and walk back to my hubby/kids/buggy that would have to wait in the main aisle...I stopped and watched as I wanted to see what the man and other lady was going to do about it (since they were waiting to go down the pasta aisle).
At first they both kinda just wobbled their buggies forward and backward, like they were in debates of whether or not they really needed to go down that aisle now.... they both neither made eye contact with the lady/husband duo, nor with each other, nor with me. I know because I was watching them wondering how they were going to handle this situation.
The man appeared to give up after his wobbling buggy attempts failed to gain the notice of the lady/husband. He stopped and just stood there, randomly looking at things he didn't even care to look at.
The lady still wobbled her buggy back and forth slightly though I could tell she was having a difficult time being patient. Her lips tightened and her body stiffened like she was cussing the lady/husband in her head.
Meanwhile, I looked over to my hubby and smiled, since he knew that I was waiting to go down the aisle only because I was watching these people. Usually I would just go and get what I needed regardless if my buggy could fit or not. Like I said...wal-mart is dreadful and if I can cut it even 1 minute shorter, I will.

The thing is, either of the man or lady could have presses closer into the pasta aisle to really get the lady/husband's attention to move their freaking buggy out of the way. They could have said 'excuse me'. They could have even worse case scenario hit the lady/husband's buggy on purpose and said 'excuse me'. But I suppose in the name of politeness, they did nothing. And nothing was the effect. Besides the tight lipped irritation and the added 2 minutes longer inside the store.
Eventually the lady/husband moved on....and I even waited for the man and other lady to move into the aisle and as they slowly lingered to a stop browsing the pasta aisle, we passed them with speed.....getting out is a race, don't ya know. And I told hubby my findings on that observation....

Would you like to hear them? No? Yes? well, I'm going to tell you anyway.
Doing nothing is only fine for a maximum of 30 seconds. Patience is fine in the name of politeness, but only for 30 seconds. I will allow slow brains to process best case scenarios with this ample time frame. However after 30 seconds, action must be enforced. Not vulgar, violent action...but something other than giving up or doing the same inefficient motions...
I really do wonder how many missed opportunities are passed up because of people's double-mindedness. How many great moments are wasted because of people's ability to just give up and/or ignore them. Don't get me wrong, I do it too...I think we all do at some point or another, and probably more often by habit than we realize....but those people out there in the world who go for what they want and never give up and who sometimes may seem like jerks or assholes because it appears they lack manners or politeness.....when in fact they probably used to be polite until a point came when so much effort was ignored by others on their part that they stopped even trying to help you feel better and made themselves better for it.
For example....I don't usually wait for people to move...at least not longer than a few seconds...like 10 (and that's a freaking lot!)...I say excuse me. If they don't hear me...I accidentally perhaps on purpose press closer to where I know they see me...and I say excuse me again. If by chance they don't see me I just go faster like I'm in a huge rush and if I tap them or their buggy I go 'sorry'. Or something of the sort. It helps too if the kids are also running around...cause I can smile that fakey mom smile and say 'I'm so sorry' all exasperated and such and go about my day. So they think I've had a long hard day or something. Not my job to care what they think....my job is to get in and out as soon as possible.
But...I think being over polite or giving leniency to what we will call 'obstacles' is absolutely unnecessary and expends more energy than it's worth...
Of course...I'm being all selfish and such now, so I could just put it in simple terms and say that we should just do what we need to do without too much stress on ourselves.


Anyway...people watching is kinda cool.
In other news....and no, I won't be talking about what is really on the news...the other day after writing my last blog post...I had an epiphany.
Like a freaky weird....omg one.
"Please fix all of me that is broken.....and lead all of me that is lost."
I remember praying this not but a week ago.... something of an effort to have those things inside made right...because we know that everything is wrong and there are parts of us that are indeed broken....and parts that are indeed lost. Always asking Him for such blessings...as there's no other one who can bring it to us. And I still feel the cast...that heavy, itchy, uncomfortable cast...the one that may be meant to fix those broken things. And I see the stars....those shining lights that strive to lead the lost.
But I wonder...when we do pray...humbled...and entirely there before Him..... Is it even us who are praying for ourselves? Or is it Him praying for His children? Sometimes we can't hear our own voices when He speaks. Sometimes we make it all about ourselves, when He makes it all about Us...All of Us.... We pray for ourselves, for others too....but He prays for His people....and our words are His.
"Please fix all of me that is broken.....and lead all of me that is lost."....I don't think it was only me speaking to Him, as much as it was Him speaking to me. To fix His broken ones....to lead His lost ones...
But how do we do such things?.....and now I'm thinking about that cast I have....and where we need to place one for others. Thinking of the stars we are and where we need to place ourselves to lead others. Why is this so easily difficult? A star lost among the heavens although the whole world can see it.

Argh....let's get off the subject...I usually only chat with my very good friend about such matters.... not like anyone else even has the slightest hint of understanding!


I'm sorry in advance....I can't help myself..... It's like watching the world all come together over something terrible that happens and 1 month later no one cares anymore....and people forget that evil is in the world and it must be stopped and they go about their regular day and just forget...and it happens over and over and over again and people are asleep and only care when ten thousand other people care. Or if you care and then no one else does and you can't do everything on your own to fix it. You can't help on your own, you can't even talk about it and hope you get help because no one else steps up to do anything anymore and I just want to go the fuck home. I hate you stupid people. (Not you my blog readers!...I'm talking about uncaring fools) I'm a bit mad and sad and fed up and people are fighting over this and that and nit picking everything about what needs done and how and when and don't even give a fuck about the fact that this will happen again when you fall back asleep.....GRRRR!
Just don't let it happen again.
So much can be done now that doesn't require hate and fear to accomplish....yet they choose to fight. They choose this. And people like me just watch as they falter and fail.....and watch as our rights are given away and watch as people hand over everything that is important....watch as people come together then rip it apart and forget like nothing ever happened...and it makes me sick to be here with them. The last 24 hours...I saw beautiful thoughtful things and wonderful people pulling together....and then I saw fear...and hate...and by tomorrow wherever He was will be trampled underfoot. The sheep will have fallen back to sleep...and can't hear the Shepherd's call.

I don't think the world will end on the 21st....not at all....but I sure hope it does anyhow. Of course, Dec 23rd would be the illuminati date, so something has more of a chance to happen then than on the 21st, but we all know nothing ever happens! Get a life and live it....live it loudly!

Thirdmas was good. (That was today, btw.) I got my crockpot!, and a clock for my sewing room. Hubby even got a clock for his garage and just so happened to snag a great deal on a grandfather clock that he went to pick up. (argh, we are so broke, stop buying 'stuff' please!) >8-(
No clue as to why 'clocks' are the theme of the day and I really don't want to think about it truthfully. Anyway, Thirdmas was good. Next Saturday is Fourthmas! WHEEeeEEeeEE! You should totally try out this idea.

I'm tired.....and probably shared more than I should have....but not that it matters anyway. I'll leave you with a few tips and then I'm out of here and off to bed!
tip #1 - never trust the us postal service to do a good job
tip#2 - carry a gun legally (osa ouya anca hootsa nyaa f'sma howa hreatenta nnocentia hildrenca!)
tip#3 - trust in Jesus and have a very good friend for days when the boss man is being too quiet.
tip#4 - tell your kids you love them
tip#5 - stay awake...you can sleep when you're dead.
Tip#5- it's probably not a good idea to take everything I say literately, lol.

Goodnight my friends. Hoping the sun rises without delay and covers this darkness with a blanket of light.

....dang it....just finished writing and I just had an epiphany!

"Please fix all of me that is broken...."

Where have I been the last 3 days? Caged in the sewing room putting together the last huge part of a huge order....not that I procrastinated....it's just that I didn't know when they were needed until Friday...
So work began Friday night....then Saturday I helped somewhere....doing a volunteer thing for some 'I don't know why' reason.....Sewed Sat. night...all freaking day Sunday...(yes, all freaking day, except during dinner...) Then Monday evening after we got home....the Yes...even Tuesday morning because it needed mailed out Tuesday morning (that's today, btw)...which Thank the Lord it was.

I love my job.
Of course if you asked me the question about it yesterday, I would have sighed a huge sigh and furiously gave you a silent death stare.
Don't ask me that question under certain circumstances. Got it?

I'm not feeling all that insightful lately, nor have there been any dreams/visions/moments of insanity to talk about....just still a bit broken.......but do you know how something is broken...and then it gets casted? How uncomfortable that cast is even though it is helping you heal. A bit itchy, stiff, dry, irritated.....hard. (lol....that sounds wrong, lol....you know what I mean!)
Anyway....the healing process sometimes isn't so great...but you know that the brokeness is getting fixed. Because you asked Him to fix it...and well...He's awesome like that. Like a doctor you trust, like Mr. Clean actually coming to clean and all without you having to do the work.....well, you do actually work...but when it's done, it's like you really didn't work that hard at all, lol.


I have 4 orders left.... It's been awhile since I had only 4 orders left. WOW.
and my paypal account is at $0...and 0 cents.... nice.


I've decided.... I'm going to be selfish for the rest of the month and all next year. This is my new year's resolution...that just so happens to start today. "And there ain't nothing you ninnies can do about it" lol... (had to say it that way, on Mulan, the army guy says it and I hear it all the time in my head, haha!)
Luckily , some of you are spared, because I'm going to do what I want when I want how I want...and it just so happens I want to do mostly good/fun/crazy things. The boss man says to do what I want, cause it's what He wants too.
Would be nice if I could buy me some fabric...or a ski trip. Oh, yeah...but that paypal account is going to need some cashola for such adventures.


The sign language thing is kinda thwarped....? Last one was with the hand wipe thing, then a finger push tot he forehead, lol. Took me a few days, but it means to "wipe clean your spirit" or something to that effect. He's been quiet lately, but mostly because I've been working to long and fall asleep way too fast to chat.... I fall asleep while chatting half the time, lol. Sorry.
Not that He chats much anyway. Today, He;s just looking kinda happy....but tired?? Worn down, but there's a small smile on His face.


And I'm just sitting here all excitedly exhausted... :)

So 4 more orders, albet being broke :( .... still need to edit photos, clean house more than just dusting, need to take a long bath because it sounds so much more relaxing than cleaning, and bake some chocolate chip cookies before I attempt to lose a whopping 5-10 lbs. and actually start exercising again.
Although.....my legs ache for sure from sewing the last few days! I do stand and work ya know! And my cushy chair I have in there is being used as another table.....hmmm.... (clean the sewing room: adding to list now)

Still need to get applique designs prepped, and fabric found....(since I can't right order it until I get some moolah) and possibly start Book 3. :)

Thirdmas is Saturday...can't wait! I love this idea, because I get stupidly excited every week, haha! Even if I get to pick out something I bought myself anyway :) ... I such a dork, that I get enjoyment out of obviously retarded stuff. (((---- LIKE THIS ----)))
There are 'bad' words on some of those videos, so even though they are funny, be sure kiddos aren't watching.


Guess it's dinner time (yay FOOD!) I'll need to come write more soon, as I wanted to the other day but was busy and super duper tired. But now that I'm being all selfish and shit I will if I want to....when I want to. Ha!


".....and lead all of me that is lost."

Speechless and drifting full of fire

This just never gets boring!
This 'sign' language....this strange communication that is leading somewhere spectacular...and I'm excited beyond belief!

So the last one...with the flipping over....that means to 'turn it over', but not like flip it over turn it over, but to release, turn it over....
And the wiggly finger thing.....
Let me tell you a story....

So there's this crazy girl I know. She recently took this huge jump off a tall tall cliff.....I mean hurled herself willingly that way where there is no ground...And in an effort to be entirely subject to the truth...she went...not falling...but gliding closer...in the darkness...forward...like in space...
There the boss man found her once again amused that she deliberately insisted on a more interior form of communication because the old way just wasn't going to fill her hunger....and so He let her have it....that more deep delving truth inducing language....one that evidently she now realizes does not include speech. And oh, how she misses the voice....the voice...
But what is this? This touch...this movement? This is new indeed. Let us listen....
And the truth comes and the words are like thunder to a heart that seems to actually 'hear' better than before.
More clearer....more distinct....listen closely...

I like stories :)
So back to the wiggling finger sign language.....I just so happened to watch this one person who's video's I watch quite often....and what was she talking about? Sound, voice, energy, ...and how did she describe something she was talking about....you guessed it...she freaking wiggled her fingers to motion the frequency of you know who's energy.... And why oh why do I have to witness such 'peculiar' things?! Besides to give the boss man an awesome episode of 'oh, j's having a great freak out moment' haha!

I love this....

now if that means something about turning over frequently or releasing energy, or a shortened version of 'speech'.... I guess maybe all three....

So....He came again...well...I went more likely.....and again I get yet another mysterious hand gesture thingamajig..../
This time...while still holding my hand palm up (yes still!). He slides His hand down mine and off...then while making His fingers touch, He reaches over and touches my forehead with His fingers.
And...I'm at that NO CLUE stage yet again...unless you want to consider my 'idk, maybe' option...of ....wiping clean your spirit idea....lol...idk!
I have 48 hours I guess.


In other news from around the world.....I have 8 orders to complete which equals 17 items....and this doesn't include gift items....and there's no way this looks feasible to be a smooth sailing month! Lol.....come on Dec 21st! I'm ready to depart! Lol....yeah....like I would get so lucky....anyway...Wolverine 2 comes out next year and I must see it.

So today we had our Firstmas...which in simpler terms means the first week of Christmas (cause we are cool and non traditional and what fun is it to wait until 1 day when we can have fun once a week!) and my reason for taking Christ out of Firstmas is because He should fit in everyday....not just once a year...so bite me landlubbers! We are stars here living in the heavens.... NO FEAR! Anyway, the boss man got a good laugh at my outright stubborness to refuse conformity.

Next week is Secondmas....I hope to lay claim to my new jeans and my new crockpot. Today I was blessed with some mixing bowls and my orange striped sweater I thought about all freaking week, haha! Buying your own presents does have its advantages and disadvantages!

Well........I guess I'm done. Maybe you can take something from something I post so I don't feel like I'm wasting any more time.
You know that feeling to where you are about to burst....that you want to...but you don't have the means to...and then you deflate silently and all that energy is just gone and then you just no longer care for awhile.....yeah....so close to that...and the struggle is finding out how bursting can be achieved....and how deflating can be bypassed....how to turn a fire into a blazing sun....and how to avoid becoming a black hole...cause there's way too many black holes around here... I want to be with the blazing star. Burning, blazing, firelight that scorches the nitty gritty dust so you can know when to wash it off. The boiling sun that heats up and blinds you so you can learn to feel again.... The dancing flaming torch that howls in the wind so you can listen...and walk forward without fear in this smothering darkness. You are flawed....we are flawed....and we need cleansed from this ever growing lie that you have to be like the rest of them....the lie that says you are the dust from the ground....and you must return to it. The lie that says you belong here where these people you don't even know stand believing the same thing....
This is not your family....for your family wouldn't betray you...or lie to you.

We are stars.....who barely know how to use our own light much less let others see it. Flawed stars struggling to reach the sky. Always looking up.....but why....when we can just burn bright right where we are and turn this cursed ground into a garden....a garden of stars....and we will spin endlessly in the cosmos....


You know those times when you kinda lose track and then you think on your 'big plans' and then you just want to cry....