boring, don't bother.

Well, what's up my lovelies?
Let's tell you what's up here in my little world....
I got a brand new pair of roller skates!!! And they fit this time, lol. And have cool blue wheels, and today hubby made little leather thingies on them to try and keep from scuffing them up while playing roller derby. SoI can't wait till I get to go skating again....which unfortunately next Thursday instead of Monday, but that's okay, because Monday night I am going trick or treating....ahem...I mean I am taking the kids trick or treating....yeah...taking them, lol.
Not like I can eat half that candy anyway. And truthfully neither will they, because we have the nice Halloween Fairy that comes and takes all the candy away except for the 20 pieces they get to keep...and of course she leaves a non edible item for trade.....in other words, hubby's work buddies get to have treats because he brings the bag full there, where it gets empties in less than a day. We really trick or treat for the simple point of dressing up and seeing all the fancy houses and yards in that nice richy neighborhood where we go every year, lol. But I consider it safe since there's oh about 300 other kids that will be roaming the streets along with us, so I deem it non threatening.... sorta like those church trunk or treat thingies they swiftly call something non spooky like fall festivals and such...but occasinally there is one maybe two that actually are cool, but the other ten or so just have that spooky weird feeling like it's all a cult thing...and really odd...but once at one of those odd feeling 'trunk or treat' church things...I did get a laugh when someone was dressed up as a nun (mind you this was a baptist church, lol) I thought the costume was cool. But after trying to figure out why everyone was dressed up as people from biblical times and why they had a snake wrapped around a faky tree with apples on it.... I saw a group of women (they gave me a bad felling, not sure why) but they all walked through the crowd and were heading inside where they were going to do a play or something. Something about their demeanor or body language, idk, but it was weird... we left after that because it sucked (we were only there to bide time until hitting up the nice neighborhood)
Anyway, my new thing is that churches are cults. Yep, all of them, (and yes, I know not all of them are, but I am going to say they are...because you all need to be aware that sin has manifested itself in all the places you think are safe and happy...) You won;t find God there among those who hide themselves in sheep's clothing...nope...you'll only find Him out and about doing His work....
And where is that, you ask? Inside you....inside me, inside us all who are His.
Not in a building trying to figure out how to make it's congrgation richer, or how to make money to fix the plumbing, or how to bring more people to church to get more tithes to pay the electric bill...no...He is out there helping His neighbor fix their truck...He is out there lending an ear to someone who feels alone...He is out there cooking dinner for a family of seven. He is out there...and among His people....and if you can't find Him, you are not where you should be.....
He put you in the place you need to be, why do you continue to go out and search for Him, when He is in you and where you are He is also....and what you do, He does too....and when you see a need, fill that need....because even if you think you can't....He will give you the means to fill it in some way. He will place it under you, but only after you thank Him for giving you the honor of such an easy task. because it has always been under you....you just keep looking down, instead of up.

Ooh boy, let's get off that subject....
So anyway....I bought a nice fancy embroidery machine...and I can't freaking wait to get it in!!! So excited!!
And we found Toothless a home, which is great, because we can still see him grow up :) like his sister, and I know he'll have bunches of fun terrorizing his new family! :)
And if I happen across another 'something' that needs help, I can take that responsibility someone else decided they didn't want...and hubby won't freak out. :) It's all good.

Do you know what else is good?
haha...lots of things, but I just remembered something...you know that dream I told you about with the red in the sky and then it turned into a storm?....well, do you realize that the freaking Northern Lights just appeared in the south a few days ago! Yes, I missed them, but they were all the way down to AK, and TN, and KY and I think TX too!! But they were also RED!!! wow, now that's cool....too bad I didn't get to see them, but still...awesome... (lol, which in my dream I thought it was awesome at first too....until the huge storm started forming...that wasn't cool after that...) anyway...just keep your eyes and ears open...cause things are going down....and that second full moon in my other dream will be on Nov. 10th...and they are doing that stupid Crystal skull thingy on the 11th...which may also be the same day the NWO blows up the Hoover dam...and crap (yes, I do watch too much youtube, lol...and no, I don;t really believe it, but it's fun to mess around with) anyway...just letting you know, cause it's interesting....I would say cool...but in my dreams I thought things were cool until bad things came...not cool.
So anyway....I heard, that the elite military is on high alert for the week of the 11th as well? and why though? and why is the gov. shutting down all the radio and tv to do a 'test'??
Whatever, fun to mess with, but don;t expect anything 'cool' to happen...
it never does...

Though I did see a ufo before...and it was 'cool' AFTER I high tailed my ass out of there, lol.

So....what else...hmmm....ummm...nothing I guess...that sucks. Off to go do something funner. bye my lovely wondrous super cats with capes of flames and whiskers or bright sunshine fairy dust!!whoo!

Sorry, I said a bad word.....but you made me mad

So.... I'd like to think that I can tell you what you want to hear, but what fun would that be...you getting all you want, lol....
This weekend was great, but didn't get all what I wanted to get done done...and therefore have to make up for it tomorrow....
But we had a nice visit with family.
I now also have 3 orders on my board to complete....instead of 12.
hahah.....but we all know it will not stay like this...
I wanted to list holiday stuff for work, but alas...I did not have the time, not to mention one of my potential helpers has some of the stuff that goes with them...so I have to wait till tomorrow evening....ugh.
And I have 1 costume I HAVE to make tomorrow evening as well if I intend for my customer to get it in time for Halloween. And roller derby is tomorrow too....yay. Let's pray that all will go somewhat smoothly and at least the important things are taken care of for once.

And for a rant.....I'm disappointed that some things I do must be a talent and only I can do it evidently, and the fact that one that has much potential is not willing to try the hard ones because they take too long....but for me they take like 2 minutes or less (literately) so I'm back to square one with the applique help....or shall I say the lack of it. Embroidery machine...you are in my future if I even remotely decide to continue in this hellhole of a business. I hate my job.

Another lame-o rant = food is expensive....healthy food is really expensive...and I no longer care.... I just buy the good healthy stuff.... screw it. If I'm going to spend any money on it at all...it will be for the good stuff.
Prince Vaughn doesn't like when we have company so he got mad and hasn't been back yet.....I hate when cats do that...he's making me worry...ugh...
Rant #2 or 3 if it matters.... since I mentioned hating my biz.... I go back and forth on the mindset of wanting a grant or something so I can hire more help and make more stuff and get that new machine and then sell more and so on....but then I realize...I just don;t care. I like designing, but I have found that fabric is way too expensive for me....so is that fancy machine....so is paying others....especially when you haven't even sold anything yet. Then I start thinking that what others make isn't the most awesomest (like the stuff I can make when I am not having to fill orders) and then my biz name becomes sub par and therefore I offer mainly $30 sets instead of mainly $100 sets...so the people who buy $100 sets will pass me by even though I can make $100 sets.... but on the other hand, those who cannot afford $100 sets are only there for the $30 sets and are appalled at the $100 price tag...especially since they want it but can't afford it....and I end up not selling it at all....grrrr.
I would like to offer both, but I can't keep both groups of people happy at the same time. kwim? oh yeah...and I will not do customs after November. EVER AGAIN!
So even if I sell a $100 set.... it'll be only once. then I will get stuck in another rut of having to make a few more so I can assure myself of a paycheck. then I will rush....then I will stop caring because I feel rushed....I am sure it will be a never-ending cycle and I will be ranting about it next year.....
Or I can just quit... the only problem with that is the money issue. I kinda need it. Did I mention how much groceries cost? And gas? and other bills?
I need to go have a long chat with OMG, INCREDIBLE.... (who has been very quiet lately) He just stands around and watches what I'm doing even though I keep waiting for him to help...ugh.... Him or my other friend....who I didn't really thing about asking till just now......so I will get on that and tell you what these guys helped me decide...

Anyway.....besides the flip-flopping on my business.....I just shared a few of my secrets yesterday....to real people... (lol, in other words, not writing it down) so I feel weird....because it is personal...and it's mine... but other than finding it difficult to remain present while describing certain things I now have those memories newly lodged in the forefront of my mind...nice.
No, they are not bad...far from it...but while they are there, it's kinda like reality is the dream....and those moments are true life....
But I am also glad that I am not the only one who heard those trumpets....

So enough about me, let's talk about you....what would you like to know today? - Would you like to know how to get the help you need? I will tell you..... - Ask for it....oh, but the secret is to ask loud enough....literately. Try it out, let me know how long it took.

By the way....I read a good post on a website that was so true. It related to why some who are religious claim that their way is the only right way... but I had to share this quote :)
“If God is One, Truth is One.” Only a fool would dip a bucket into the sea, then claim to possess the ocean.

I know you may think that Jesus is the way...the only way...and I think he is the way, I agree...but I have found His truth in all things...and I knew who He was before I ever knew His name....why must we all have to label the same One, with the same tags....
1: What if I learned a different name...would that keep me from knowing Him and more or less than another?
2:Do you think people are just born blind and deaf to spirit?
3:Do you think they need a miraculous feeling to be 'saved' (ugh, I hate that word!!!-'saved' - what makes anyone think they were lost?? yes, maybe at times when you suck, but really lost?)
4:Do you think He would just choose to leave someone out and decide later if He wants them?
.whatever....forget those stupid questions...don;t waste your time. It is hopeless to try and get people out of their damn little glass boxes....

Now I'm a tad bit angry....because I sometimes need to explain shit to the people who will twist and defile those questions....who make it go against them....you just wait...because He's going to burn your asses up.... and I'll be the only sappy fool standing next to Him trying to plea for your fucking salvation...and not know why. shit. I hate my job.

the rainbows have turned very dark...and the storm is close at hand....

Oh God....let me tell you something...not God...but you blessed readers who have made it thus far and still manage to read this craptastic blog of mine...
Today, unfortunatly....I watched a video on youtube...the one about the little toddler that got ran over by a van and 18 passersby just simply did that...passed her by while she was bleeding on the street... let me tell you how sick that is, and please don;t watch it, but if you must, search under 'hit and run toddler china' it's there....sick.
Anyway, that wasn't even as horrible as some other video which I accidentally clicked on about a little boy getting beaten because he was different....bad bad bad......and if I was there and had a weapon I would kill every last sick human who just stood there and watched...please do not watch it.
It was in another country..and thankfully I do not live there or will go there, but we all know things like that could happen here, really haven't you seen the 'What would you do' shows on 20/20 I think....it does happen here...whether it be neglect or abuse or just plain out sick stuff.

I don;t know how in heaven God puts up with people like that....or if you must lump us together, any of us. Even one sick thing like those videos would be enough for me to just burn the world up and wipe my hands of it...all of it.
Thankfully I do not have that job...because we all would have died today...or at least the really bad people....and the neglectful people..and the hateful people...and the sick people...and the people who just did nothing.....sick sick sick.

Our world is sick....and we can't do anything about it.....please get us out of here. Amen.

Oh, on another note...since we can only hope and make up random things to keep our mind off the fact that sin is alive....let's elaborate...
so the sign in Virgo that happened on the 30th of Oct...if you go 40 days after, it would be the 9th and 10th of Nov.....on the 9th Saturn leaves Virgo (and who is Saturn) oh just the guy with a sickle ;) and the Sun in in Libra (the scales/judgement thingies) Mercury/Venus/Mars are aligned just like the 3 pyramids in Egypt as well (and forms a cross within the planet alignments!)....And asteroid YU55 crosses between earth and the moon at midnight! (actually makes a cross in the alignment too) And it's a full moon! And if you know anything about the Illuminati 11-11-11 is a big deal.....and the hoover dam might rupture (because it shows it on the money! just like the twin towers burning it showed on the money before it ever happened!!!...and the water coming over buildings too is on the money) and all the other stuff that is right around then happening!! Now the point is why all of this all of a sudden? why?
Not even mentioning that my dream of the 2 moons would be on the next full moon, which is in November too on the 10th...hmmm, then the 11th is just after and if that had any connection with the alien ship and the people screaming......that would be ummm awesome...but bad and scary.
Anyway...we all know nothing cool ever happens, so don;t worry about it...just go to work and pay your bills and pretend the world is a happy place with rainbows and snowcones full of blue raspberry juice!

Take a shower next time....

Let me tell you how awesome roller derby is...
(((( ------------------------------------------------THIS AWESOME!!!!-----------------------------------))))
I have missed skating, and even though it will be awhile before we are actually pummeling each other, it's okay :) I don;t like getting hurt that much, lol. We have a great team and one day we will be rocking it out on the skate floor to Darth Vadar's theme song! After all, we are the Dunlap Darksiders!!! Whoo!

So let me tell you about a rant I wanted to write about yesterday but didn't get a chance to.....It's about this rare thing called responsibility....
So you know about the 2 kittens we picked up from the park that someone had dumped there (because they lack responsibility, either for not spaying or for taking initiative to find them homes!) Well, we have just the one left to rehome.
So the neighbor's kid asks if she could have it....and me being responsible says no.... not that she would be the responsible party, but that every single pet they get is half starved!! Not to mention the kittens they bring to their house at least twice a year end up living under the house and turning feral. Every single one. So I say no, not only because of that main point that they can't and don;t take care of them, but in reality the kids are only there on the weekends anyway. So I say no....I'm not going to rescue a kitten and then see him neglected and dumped off somewhere else.
A little while later...guess what....the neighbors kid asks to borrow some cat food for her kitten they have over at their house...I'm like WTF!? No I didn't say that, but I was like what!? See what I mean, they go get something they only tend to the first day and bring it home with no food.....WTF!!! Me, being understandably frustrated and angry says no. For one reason is even though I would love to help the actual kitten, it is not my responsibility to give away food to someone else who refuses to take that responsibility....omg...
Then I had this realization....... say for instance the world economy goes to shit... food is restricted... things are really tough and hard.... and us, here at home with my small yet dependable stockpile of food and bottled water, and bullets, and firewood... all the irresponsible people will come out... they will ask for favors...they will plea for help...and here I will be saying no...
This troubles me, because I would like to help, but I can't risk my family's sake for any of theirs...
it's like the ants and the grasshoppers.... and it sucks, but we can't take responsibility for those who refuse to take responsibility for themselves....

I seriously can't wait to get off this craphole of hell. To be reaped and separated form the dumbass weeds. I don;t care if you think I am being cynical or rude, or mean, or hateful, I don;t give a shit what you think.....the point is that there are people everywhere that are so blinded and deaf and dumb, that they can't do things for themselves.... I would argue that it would be our (the awakened) responsibility to teach them, but being so few.... it cannot be done alone.... and I feel alone. No one speaks up, no one calls out, no one reveals themselves....and it makes me sick to think that ones who are of God hide Him from the world...because of their fear, either fear of strangers, or fear of their brethren.


We'll leave it at that before I go too deep and drown you and your weak souls in the depths of reality.

In a pickle? Make a sandwich!

I'm having my coffee...yum
I've completed 6 things off my to do list today...hooray
We got a sweet check in the mail yesterday which in turn will help pay off some things we've been holding out on...awesome
I also got a pair of new jeans in the mail too, which I love...sweet
I had to rewrite my to-do list since I had scribbled out those 6 items and it looked sloppy, but I now have 2 others already marked out...oh yeah
I'm going to work on my book tonight too...love
Tomorrow I get to go to roller derby...cool
and meet up with another lady who may be able to do the applique work I need...booyah

However...I am stuck in the indecision of whether or not I want to continue my sewing biz, I will not be doing customs...hell or high water, I will burn in fire or drown, but I will not do a custom set. I want my other life back....oh wait, what I mean, is I want the other part of my life to not be starved because sewing shit suffocates it's life out. But on the other hand, if I get my sewing people to make the customs, it won't really be my problem...sigh. Such issues that really are not issues, they only exist because I am afraid of being broke.
And...the cost that goes along with having other people make it...which is bad, because I'm poor, because I would need to buy all the fabric up front and pay my sewers up front, and then afterwards list and hope I sell out... ugh...decisions decisions...where oh where do I find someone to help me make my decision??? I need input...

Though, I still want to sew only what I want to sew, kwim? lol...I know I make no sense.

Sooooooo......have you ever had the feeling that the world is lingering on the edge of downfall? I do. Kinda like the smooth waters just before you go off the waterfall....or the quiet stillness just before a superstorm hits. Or the odd silence just before an eartquake. You've got to know what I'm talking about, I can't be the only person who sees the unseen...but that's what I've been feeling lately....but I find it rather beautiful....
I find it beautiful that people are protesting (the good way) in random cities. I find it beautiful that some people are taking notice in their health and in the foods they eat. I find it beautiful someone out there in the world has woken up from their slumber...and taken a step forward in presence and actually doing something beside being led around by whomever had control over them.....even if it was their idea of God.....
Ideas are bad when they too control you, bad when you find it hard to even follow your own made up guidelines to stay in cahoots with the big man upstairs...with whom you also have made up ideals about because someone told you that's how it was, or is supposed to be.
I'm sure they also told you that you have all this stuff to do to please Him too...but really....all He wants is your love, and you to talk with Him...and to just take notice that who He is and what He is...is the same as what you are underneath all those ideas and thoughts, and hindrances you have placed upon yourself.
To get to Him, you need to get to strip away that which is not really you...

Death is the stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" -- and find out, there is no death. ~ Eckhart Tolle

Anyway, enough ramblings, no one wants to hear about God nowadays...and those who do don;t like to share their ideas, or worse, they don;t like to hear the ideals of others....they don;t want to be persecuted...and they don;t want to know who you are, they don;t care who you are....because if they found out they wouldn't like you because you weren't like them....but we all know that every wave in the sea is totally different than every other...
Blindness keeps them from realizing we are all waves...
Oh, but better, something I saw in a Mutts comic strip... The cat was looking at the snowflakes falling and said something about them all being different, each one unique and pure, and lovely in it's own right,...and they were falling, blowing in the wind, some speedily, some slowly, some large, some small....and the cat said "like each one of us." All separate, but a part of the whole, which is the snowfall itself as a whole event...
Now of course we should know that snow actually forms around a speck of dust too, lol...but if you want to relate that to our inborn sin...go ahead...I prefer to fall to the ground with the rest of the snow and become part of the one and melt away...the dust stays there on the ground...because we get changed...yeah, that's how it goes my friends.
Soooooo....want to hear a story? I bet you do!

Once upon a time, in a dream of change...
I stood there upon a clifflike pillar. The sky was burnt orange and red and gray and went on forever... Hordes of people were down below the cliff filling up every space of the ground, continuous....they were all yelling and appeared angry. In the distance was another pillar where I saw someone else standing, though they were too far away to see who is was.
Then just before me the Lord appeared. He said "Look down, what do you see?". I looked at my feet, and at the dusty ground and rocks. I said "Nothing. Dirt, rocks?"
What is below you, keep it below you. And what's above, will always be there above you. And there beside you? It is there for you and with you."
Your hands." He said. I lifted them up, he took hold of them. "Your hands...let them be my hands. And your eyes, let them be my eyes. Your lips, let them be my lips. And your heart, let it also be mine." He said.
"See what I see, speak what I speak, do what I do, and above all, love what I love."

The violence below me...they must stay below me...God stays above....and the few others beside me, no matter how far, are for me and with me...the Lord was there with me too...He wasn't above or below. but before me...

Yeah, so my stories suck, so bite me.

Gotta get off the mushy stuff, let's talk about how awesome it would be to meet people you thought never existed in the real world. Yes, awesomeness....but I'm a spaz and would be all shy and shit, because I am shy actually.... I blame public school and the lack of a good role model.
Speaking of role model.....if you make someone up in your own mind as a role model, are you really your own role model? Yes, I am seriously messed up, lol. And yes, I do have stupid random thoughts flowing through my head on occasion (which means more than half the time) so you all get to see why I'm such a spaz, lol.
Then again, doesn't everyone think weird things? Kinda like after watching that awful cool horrible awesome movie called 'The Fourth Kind'.....and you just can't sleep well because you keep waking up and looking out the window to see if there's a little alien (or owl) looking in, like it just knew you watched an alien movie, lol. I hate (love) that movie....and will never watch it again. I do believe in aliens...because I've seen crap (even though I think it's all government secret stuff too.) So not cool, but yet awesome at the same time....see the problem I have with decisions? can you tell? lol

I'm going to take some pictures tomorrow too....yay!
But I have to go, because I've got a book to write! See you sweet cucumber radishes later. Be sure to dive in the vinegar juices and dill weed and be sure to say hello to the pumpernickel bread for me.
Jesus loves you, this I know...and we don;t need a book to tell us so.
Peace out, little pickles.

Boo Hiss and hellfire!

Today is not a day to keep..heck not even one to continue either, but whether it's the full moon or someone has put rocks in everyone's shoes....I can't wait to go to bed and wake up tomorrow instead.

I did however win tickets to some Holiday music thingy...but I don;t want to go anyway, so maybe I can find someone who does want to go. Now if it was the Transiberian Orchestra, I'd be all over it, but this is some musicians playing Christmas music....not even any dancing or pretty lights, so I will pass.


Today, thanks to hubby's bad mood....now I feel like nothing I do, or want to do, or things I have, or things I want to have....have any meaning whatsoever. Yeah, I suck so much I now hate myself. thanks. I hate what I do, I hate what I have, I hate things I one day would have liked to do, I hate things I would one day like to have. thanks. I'm gonna go crawl in my hole and cry myself to death so I can escape this awful existence...because I am worthless. thanks very much.

I like to dance in the darkkkk because it's embarassing to let people see me do it, lol!

Baby likes to dance in the dark, cause when he's looking she falls apart...

hahahaha.... I feel like laughing and crying...someone save me...

Well....I'm glad because we have a roller derby team here in Dunlap!! Sweet! Can't wait to get to skate and meet all our new players!
I'm glad because I am getting the kids to do their own schoolwork today and they are almost done without complaint or blood, awesomeness.
I am glad because yesterday I got the most coolest boots and sweater in the mail from buckle.com...omg, I hope it gets cold (yeah, I hate cold, but I want to wear my goodies!)
I'm glad because I will not be buying any more fabric unless someone orders a custom...I am done fabric shopping for others.
I am glad that whatever money is actually in my paypal account (not much mind you) is just the beginning to my saving challenge to buy my fancy ass dslr camera kit...hell yes!
I am glad because after December 15th ..... I can choose never to sew another set in my life.
I am glad because I just am.

Now, I am not glad about the fact that Hancock's and Joann's have the worst selection of fabrics I have ever seen in my life. I am disappointed that they have so much of absolutely nothing. and the way they organize fabric cutting at Joann's it just rude and stupid. I will never set foot in that store again. I am sad that the top fabric designers are left out of the public's eye and are hidden because the fabric stores would rather sell crap fabric that doesn't match for $10 a yard, than offer amazing prints that match and are happy for $8 a yard...assholes.
If I had the money I would buy a fabric store and would put your sorry asses out of business. I promise you that....luckily for you I am not rich. Just wait.

I am not glad that I have completely failed at getting anything done today except breakfast, lunch, and a leftover sale posted to facebook. I suck.
I am not glad that I think it's important to actually accomplish something....really need to wipe that thought from my head...I know it's okay to just not do things sometimes.

I am not glad I still have much work to do....that doesn't include sewing orders...but footwork and emails and co-ordinance, and house work, and just stuff in general.
I am not glad that I don;t have any good 'angle' pics for camera club tonight....sigh...oh well...


I think there's a good lesson in the practice of killing your own thoughts. thoughts that say things like 'you're doing it wrong' or that's not the right way' or 'He can't hear you when you talk like that' or 'since you don;t feel heard, means you have to call His name twice'....bullshit stuff. I know you have no idea what I am saying, you can always ask. But the lesson is not listening to yourself because you know nothing at all, and all the thoughts that are like that are not you at all...and they certainly are not Him.
I am sad because at some places in your life, there is a wavelength between you and Him and it is ever burning in it's electricity and consuming closeness.....and sometimes it's on the other wavelength, like that tide going out...and you feel disconnected...and your quite, and He's quiet...and you feel forgotten or set aside for later...
I love Him. And love is not enough....when you see His face...and you are lifted and carried in His arms....and you hear His voice...love will never be enough ever again. Be thankful for what He has given you...because it only hurts when He gives you so much more that the love alone can never be enough again. Be thankful He spared you from His glory.

Okay, too deep, I'm sorry.
So...what else do you want to hear about....a rant...did that, a lesson, did that...hmmm. Mr. OMG, INCREDIBLE....I think he's on vacation, I can't seem to find him. bummer. No incredible stories today...boo.

How about the apocalypse....now that's interesting, but I'm sad to think it will never happen. bummer. But my thoughts are that Elenin was a messenger to wake people up...and YU55...not sure, but if it's blue...hmmmm... November 9th (ELEven NINe) will only tell. which also happens to be 40 days after the sign in Virgo....alrighty then. Something is weird, but no bad dreams lately so we are cool.

We may go see Frankenstein at the kids theater this Friday and the zoo on Saturday since it's free. That'd be nice, and if it's not super cold or raining, go hiking (photoshoot!) on Sunday.
Anything but stay home and sew even though I should....lol.

I;d best get going to try and think about getting up off the computer and get something kinda sorta closer to being done so I don;t feel like a complete loser....

"Whosoever would lose their life for My sake, shall find it."

...it isn't over.....

....hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it....


Bad. Love is not enough...and this pisses me off. You know when you read all those happy little slogans and verses that tell you how wonderful the world is and how squishy good things are...or could be..... Love is NOT enough...and NEVER will be. NEVER NEVER NEVER!
People need to wake up....but no matter how hard you shake them or trample on their head or blare loud music...they are lost into that dream state of unawareness.... they are lost and none can awaken them...except sometimes an awful experience...which is sad that it takes such vile means to get people to see anything.
Love is not enough.
What is?
Action perhaps? God didn't just love you and all of a sudden and turn everything okay...wouldn't that have been nice....even His love alone wasn't enough, so ours never could be. He had to take action....and so do we...but not without love too.

So helpless...hopeless...lost...when will we ever be released from this burden....

Frustrating day...but I do believe this is a day of action.
Today I quit my roller derby team :( sad I know, but it had to happen. Anyway, there may another one that I might be able to join, which would be cool too
Today....I am going to burn something down. My business....I am so sick of dealing with it....not that its hard or anything...sometimes stressful, but seriously I find it boring as hell...heck I don't think hell is even that boring, lol. So by taking action...I will either turn it upside down and shake it around until it looks cool....or I will discover that it is no longer cool at all and throw it away. I do not freaking care....and the fact some people think it is awesome and cool and even remotely important to me are wrong.... I use it for income...even though I feel that I spend $10 to make $12 or on real terms, I spend $550 to make $650.... really, I don't think it is worth all the frustration and planning and time and attention and difficulties and pain that it is worth.... if I raise my prices I don't sell....if I spend money and premake stuff I still end up with leftovers I can't get rid of...but who am I kidding...it is boring!! I think out of my entire 6 or so years (gee, how long has it been?..hmmm) I have maybe 10 sets that I love because I gave my time and attention and love into those sets....and I didn't care if they ever sold...I was happy making them. Now I can't do any of that, because I don't care and when I do 'want' to make something cool...I have all the 'have' to make stuff to get done first...and by the time those are finished, I have more, and by that time I had forgotten all about my great idea and all I remember is how great that set would've been had I had the time.

I want your ugly, I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it's free....I want you love...caught in a bad romance....
I feel that way between me and my business, haha....but it's not free and in fact it's getting more expensive...because ugly fabrics are expensive and the good ones are outrageous!!!...and I don't buy ugly, I'm sorry...I was not bought nice shit when I was a kid except for my first Nintendo game system and my guitar...thank you mommy :) ...so anyway...nowadays I buy exactly what I want or nothing at all...unless I can 'fix' it, lol.
I hope you don't mind me writing song lyrics while writing, lol....yes, I have my itunes playing...I can't help myself...

hmmm...so... my advice guy said I can buy all the fabric I want for holiday sets now and make money back later, instead of saving what I have now...though I;d rather start saving for my camera I will be buying. I hate sewing.
Except of course for that Mojo Jojo power puff girl set I 'want' to make, lol. Too bad I am not gonna get to do it just yet...grrr....

So let me tell you about OMG, INCREDIBLE....he mentioned something about 'you're going to have to jump if you want to live...'cause there's nothing better than the fall, and nothing greater than living.'
Which goes back to that letting go thing....you would think risking losing a little bit of income wouldn't be so traumatic...and it wouldn't be if we weren't broke as shit right now, lol.

Okay, really let's learn something...how about how instead of absorbing the problems of the world, the people repel them, so everyone can see them. If they were absorbed and taken care of by everyone, there wouldn't be problems, and when they did come up, they would quickly be dissolved....but nope, people repel them and they sit there and bounce around society like ugly viral diseases with no cure....
the cure is in ourselves....the cure is the light we can shine on them...and light dissolves darkness....
Little gods too blind to realize we are carrying all the light necessary to defeat that which is sin. Too blind to know the God in us can defeat the god of us.

oooohhh...deep ;) go think on it a bit.

The baffled king composed it Hallelujah. G'day my mighty oaks of wisdom and joy. Sway in the light and soak in the water of life.

Please brake for squirrels and curves while driving.

Well, let's start off with the adventures of the long weekend....
We went to Stone Door and Greeter Falls for a hiking/photoshoot. Went well. Was fun, but I recall how i hate climbing hills. Hubby lost his sunglasses somewhere in that crack at stone door...and I want to thank him for going to sit on the edge of one of the overhang rocks just so I could get a pic...thanks honey for risking life and limb.
We found another snake in the yard too....not a rattle snake this time, thankfully! But a rat snake, with whom we caught in a bucket and released a bit down the road...you were a good sport Mr. Snake.
Then after an uneventful trip out to Chatt. we saw a squirrel on the road who had just been hit by a car...and yes, we stopped to pick it up (yes, still alive!) brought home and let it chill out in my awesome critter cage I built a long time ago.....
Unfortunately Mr. Squirrel died later that evening...and so we brought it inside to show the kids...and the dog...and the cats...and the kitten.....It was much fun to watch hubby play with a stiff dead squirrel with each of the pets LOL!
Bubbles wanted to play, Toothless wanted to play, Isaac definitely wanted to play, though Prince Vaughn had issues and backed away, lol.
I have to say that squirrel tail is a favorite of both the cats and the dog. They each had their turns with the poor, stiff, and dead Mr. Squirrel...until hubby gave it a flying lesson out behind the house, which I really hope Isaac doesn't find it later and bring it home anytime ever.....
You may think its mean and cruel to 'play' with a dead squirrel....but at least we didn't dissect it! Or keep it's skull....so :P anyway we all got a great laugh out of it...though I'm sad he got hit by the car in the first place :( I tried to help him.

So in other news....I don;t like the cold weather. And I had another weirded out dream a few nights ago which woke me up and then I saw some picture somewhere (I can't find it!) that resembled what I saw in my dream!!! Ahhhh!! I hate this! But this time it wasn't ufos (whew!)....It started where we were next to the freeway watching my sister Judy do tricks on a dirt bike (yeah, idk!) anyway then the clouds started poofing in rings...(like a smoke signal or something?) and I kept pointing saying 'that means something, but I can't remember what it was' and we all watched them thinking it was cool.....then some red drops (maybe just red dots) formed in the sky where the clouds were forming and the red spots started growing and turning more orangish grey as they spread out (kinda like when you add food coloring to water?) then a huge storm started forming from the red/orange area...and I remember saying that it was 'time to leave NOW'... (reminds me of my last dream??!!, I even had the thought of my last dream in this dream when I said that!) So we all ran to get into the RV (my mom's) I had to run to my rental van (in my dream, I don;t have a van) to get my camera (lol! me and my camera!) I started to drive myself, but changed my mind at the last second and I decided instead of taking my vehicle, that it would be better to stay with the group of us together so they wouldn't be scared.....
So I got in the rv..and Don was driving...
Since we were on the freeway we had to go towards the storm to hit the exit to go the other way, but Don started going right instead of across the overpass and I remember my mom saying 'uuuuuhhh' like she was complaining that it was a dumb idea to take the long way back home (I thought that too), but he went right anyway and as he started going up a curve (fast, btw) too fast the rv couldn't make the curve and it started tipping over....which is exactly when I woke up!

Now I am seriously not going to ride with anyone other than myself! I was thinking that in my dream since I went back to get my camera, that I should've taken it as a sign to drive myself, lol. Weird....cause in my older dream, I was driving when we were leaving to get away from the crazies who went to hunt down the ufo. UGH! I hate dreams like this....anyway, the pic I saw just today or yesterday was of a large red blob of something in the clouds that had appeared in the last few days....ugh, I don;t remember where I saw it!

Okay, enough dream stuff....today I sewed stuff...and I am so over it....I want to paint..but noooooooo, I have to sew...phooey! I can't seem to break free!!!!! I keep getting myself stuck in the rut, even though I consciously make the decisions that out me there over and over again......and why you ask? because I get paid...ugh. I hate money...and the fact I want stuff...even though I know wanting is only want until you have it and you find something else you want....grrrr. Like boots, or a cool looking sweater from buckle.com that I can't rightfully afford....at least not without debating whether I should buy fabric or sweaters, lol.... and I haven't even started saving for my camera I WILL buy this Black Friday or somewhere by Christmas (yes, I use Christmas as an excuse to buy myself stuff I do not need, bite me) and the fact that it usually will be on super sale and I can't justify buying one unless its on sale :P
get that?? I know, I jumble words together alot when writing, lol....and I usually get misquoted or misunderstood too....but I am used to it. People like to have fun persecuting others, so I let them have at me...because I know where I'll be standing on Judgement Day....and it's not where you think.

gotta go....talk to you lovely little plushy starfish in the sea of dancing dreams and dying waves of pity...