Merkabah and the monkey

 "You've found the path, so why are you looking back?"
  the Alchemist would shake his head annoyed.
   and is he not coming with? my thoughts would question..
because he's behind me now...and although there are never goodbyes..
  there's something to be said for having a favorite guide....
and I don't think he's going away... but again it's a changing of form..
he doesn't look the same once again, even if his energy is spot on.
  more human at times...more shadowy now.
I have to turn my head to look... what a crap shoot.
  he just smirks and prods me to keep going forward...
if we can ever even call it that... we never move... just change as well.

"You act like you've never done this before?" He jests.
  as well as roll his eyes enough to make the truth of it obvious.
   cause we've always grown before...this is nothing new, not even a little bit.
the path is here, but there aren't any signs.
no map, not even a trail mind you.
A random wilderness at best.
but the views...the trees...the sounds...the smells, sights, all the colors...
that's why we are here anyway, yeah?

it feels comforting to know every step is correct
because every step is one you've created, rather than followed.
   and you only create what you are. who you are.

"And who are you?"
   he catches the moment like a viper, because he does that..

Everything.

The space for everything.

...and all that will be.

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This is the place I usually write down the physical things I've done or am doing..
HA!
Slow at best...almost rather moot.
I don't care about these things.
But I sat in a certain place today that was expansive and freeing.
I won't write it here, as it words would never be able to rise to the feeling.
It may be the only reason the path even appeared... or non-path...
  even the Alchemist nodded, as if he was pleased with the outcome he knew would come.
  like a full satisfied completion of one of his projects.
I wouldn't doubt if I were one of them. 

He claims I'm not a project...but his words deliver a sense of something close to that.
he smirks again...knowing I barely understand, but know.... iykwim

... expenditure...a vast enormous completely risky investment...
  the words he likes best it seems... with the word risky highlighted, he adds.

..."One that was worth it."

not that worth has anything to do with it
but he had been warned at the beginning...
not taking time to believe what they told him...
and he's thankful for his partaking in this... this expenditure... (?)

"I want you to stay on this path. Don't deviate, even for a moment...
    or it will be lost to your eyes."
  he looks my way, stepping closer
I nod.
"Where is it?" he asks, coming up to me.
I point?? but not really... I can't even describe this...
"It can take you all the way there." He says assuredly.

and he plays it off like it's a car... cause I devour analogies like doughnuts
you've got to care for it, tend to it, give it gas...
pay attention
focus...but not the focus as in the goal... (which there isn't one?)
the focus as in the being in the car...
staying in the car...
except it's not a car...

it's the path

and "It will take you all the way there."

and my mind is like...'and where is where?', 'what is where?'
and as soon as she had those questions...the questions were dismissed...
right here... right now.


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Body is allowing and appreciating not having to throw a fit to get what she wants.

Mind is sitting in solace, rather happy and free flowing. She's feeling whatever and feeling kinda high.

Brain is looking over the list of things that could be done, but has agreed to not be the driver.

Ego is liking all of this. She says it feels like she's not dampered by the pisshats, and gets to be herself.

The Kid is wanting to color something... doesn't care about any of this. It is normal for her.

Soul is admiring the car...path? Like the new leather, the lights...but not that... more like the immediate
  textures and knowings lying right here....right now.



I don't know if this is that merkabah thing...
but it feels like a vessel... but the vessel is you... not your body as in you...
like the... energy that is you.
and the more you sit in it...ride in it... be it...
the more is grows...
it's fascinating.



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Did you know that a few episodes of Hoarders will easily provoke you into cleaning your house.
And just thinking about the Konda method (assuming you already know it) will get you to go through your clothes.
And loving yourself will get you into alignment.

...anyways... I got things to do.
bored of writing.

later.


Monkeys and cantaloupes frolick in the sun on the afternoons of the fall season. Always pat their heads and tell them how pretty they are. Maybe keep your wallet tied to you, cause those little bastards like to pick pocket. ...and p.s. don't eat their cantaloupes... or they will eat your face.

Thots for your pleasure

 You know, I spent a whole week and a half, maybe slightly closer to two weeks...
doodling/painting on a wall in my craft room.

This same craft room that I used to call 'the sewing room'....
until I decided that I didn't want to sew much anymore.

And then it was the art room.... but not just for art...hence the word 'craft' came into being...
and now I just don't give a rip about either.

Crafts...art...sewing... (I am writing in it right now, lol)...and it's a great place to hang artwork...cause it makes the whole room look abundantly magical... including pictures of Roy Mustang and Wolverine too.

There's magic here...

Anyway... my unavailability to using labels has grown far past what I can even throw up into half assed words at this point.
Like... I'm not a seamstress...and have never liked the term...although I am a master seamstress... I can say that cause I've been doing it for (way) over 12 years.
I'm not an artist... even if I have always always always done 'art'.
I'm not a crafter...cause that's dumb. I craft things alright....but that likes saying I'm a breather...
I'm not a writer...cause even if I have 6 fucking novels...1 in the works, and a few stupid self help books, that I've written, AND a handful of completed screenplays... I am a writer too... but not. Even if my first 'book' was written when I was maybe 5...(and I still have it)...and yeah...it had dragons in it too.... with pictures... lol
A parent? What qualifications do I need for that again? A wife?
God, can we just quit it... (quit with labeling, not with being any of those things)

Like, I can be all those things... and I can be nothing...and I like both.
So... I don't want to sew much... I don't want to art much... I don't usually craft much as it is...
I do write... but most all of the work in itself is done way way way before I type a word of it on the screen. (I'm literately watching book 7 in my head at this point...like I watch the scenes over and over until they are good for now...until I rewatch them 100 more times...) (and yeah..I'm writing now too)
I'm sure I can claim to be all these things... but who fucking cares? I certainly don't.
Am I supposed to? And why don't I? Does anyone...beside those people all over social media that take pictures of themselves painting, or taking pictures (oh yeah...I'm a photographer too, yo!), or doing their thing and claiming to be their doing-ness...
I can just BE me... and whatever I'm DOing... is just what I'm doing... without commitment.

So... many people want their doing-ness to be directly related to their receiving-ness...
and I gag at those two things being in a relationship.
You can receive without doing.
You can receive by just BEing a receiver... ... ... or is this too hard a concept for others?

I painted my own wall, for myself.... yet, I fully expect the paycheck for it to come.
I write shit all the time...sometimes devouring pure stuff, sometimes nothing but shit... but either way I fully expect to get paid in equal value for the way I was being while doing those things.
And when I sit outside all fucking day, because I can, and I do, and I will certainly do it again...
I will also receive compensation for that bit of beingness as well.
Also when I play Farm Hero Saga too... because I get to have whatever I want, even if I'm playing games.
But you know what pays the most? 
Those times I'm on fire. When energy scourges. When passion rages. When the world bows before all my desires and hands them over like I'm it's god.
And that BE-ing-ness... is all we are when we do a complete dump of all those bullshit thoughts (thots)
that hinder ourselves from just fucking BEing ourselves.

and I love this space...where its safe to purge those chaotic resistances that show up from time to time...the same place where you can hear them and see them and eat them up like big juicy pickles, because we are allowed to tell the world to go fuck itself.
And ourselves too when we get so far off track that we start to become like the others who want to pander to their limitations.
But we aren't like that here.... we've gone too far, seen too much, felt so much more, and bathed in the auras of the angels and the demons and the stars... and god they are all beautiful.

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It's quite awhile before the new year hits...
but it might be time for a resolution...
one that redefines my own fucking lane... but moreso, taking off in my UFO and getting off the roadways altogether... because I AM NOT GOING WHERE YOU ARE GOING.
   (and I do not mean to imply that aliens will be disclosed in December...(or Jan 2 to be more exact)
but... I am saying that even if I joke around with hubby about getting a cybertruck... that I can go this way and everything will make way for my approach...cause that's the way it works for me.

Blah... let's switch here...



Body is timidly gaining some sense of stability even after I shook it up the other day and it's been whimpering about do-ing things... She is trying to catch up to us, cause we've done left her ass and she's a bit slower than our energetic leapings.

Mind is hyper focused on what we've been doing lately and is making sure to steer us more toward alignment than all the wordy things.

Brain is analyzing how much bullshit we've allowed ourselves to carry, and it nodding as we purge...and also feeling a tad sorry she didn't catch it sooner so Body wouldn't be so traumatized.

Ego is feeling left out and doesn't have anything to say yet, but is waiting for her turn. She said that getting a cybertruck is completely not needed, not really wanted, but she will accept it if by chance Elon wants to send one her way.

The Kid claims she knows Elon....real excited like... We don't know why. She says she likes all the things on the wall that she finds hidden in the drawings. Especially the Enderman and the Deathstar....and the buttons.....   ok, she won't hush...

Soul is softening things.  ?  ...  She's working and isn't going to put any commentary on here right now...

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you are the energy, the water, the river...

and your body is the earth...

it's bound to erode away...

as the water rises...

stay true...

just relax...

it will realign...

and you will be flowing free and clear soon enough...

Doors to heaven and the devil's pit...make for a great dessert.

 It is officially October.

And I'm here for the fall, the colors, the trees, and Halloween.

 

A few days ago, we talked with someone in the aether lands that most all of everyone would believe would be a bad bad idea...

but I did anyway, cause I understand his plight...and I'm not in agreement with all of everyone else.

Anyways... 

The Alchemist was recently teaching about transmuting the outer environment, rather than just the inner body/mind/emotions as we had been negotiating for quite awhile now.

...so...

we discussed the higher frequencies and vibrations, versus the lower...

and of course the higher often cannot raise higher, until you equally dip the lower, lower.

And who better to delve into the shadow, but with the help of a certain someone.

So that was efficiently fun. 

And whilst transmuting some really shitty crap we must have been overlooking for a long time...

the equal higher vibration about skyrocketed to space...and we were flying high.

So much so, that the outer world shifted with me and all the new things came into view immediately.

...

...

and they both were beheld before me. Like two sides of a scroll.

And all the world lie between them, like how light and shadow create what we see.

and the complete picture of the world laid open....and we understood.

And even as I look upon their faces....neither one of them were an actual person...

they are images of our deciphering of the vibrations.

and the one behind these eyes.... the one looking upon them...and even seeing ourselves...

we are the ALL.

 

"Who are you, then?" The Alchemist asks as I read the scroll of the world.

and even the words...oh the brittle fragile words that aren't strong enough to hold themselves together... were only spoken in silence...

but He nodded....as much as a non-physical being, who is also just a deciphering of vibration...could.

 

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Today my youngest and I built a door.

And perhaps years had gone by since the mention of building a door first appeared.

And I'm slightly a bit dismayed it has probably been that long.

But today we built the door... only because the questions of the 'why' got smothered out...

probably in thanks to my recent shift...

And I know this kid speaks all the things beyond reach of most mortals... even beyond me most times...

but the door...had nothing to do with the actual door...

I mean yeah, it looks actually really nice, and feels like magic...

but it has everything to do with what it could open.

I'm humbled to see the world as it truly is. 

Humbled to see raw magic in the simplest and most unexpected of things. 

Humbled by a teenager who knows far more than I do, and doesn't ever explain or feel the need to.

And swallowed whole by the space where he is.

So yeah... if I were to consider myself 5d, or at best 6d.... this kid is 7d, or 8d... and I'm awe struck.

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So I did some art projects...starting another actually...

Did some photo editing ALL day yesterday.

Got some things marked off my list today...including the door build!

I'm narrowing down my area of focus for some ripe manifestations..

just cause I want, not because I need any of them, lol.

and while I still have some homework to complete,

I am so fucking excited for whatever!

There's things I did that I'm waiting for a response.... so that's all covered in eagerness

there's possibilities, and I'm okay with any, or all, or none of them.

and I can't promise anything I plan to do, or intend to do...cause that's one fine way to not do it, is if I plan it.

(I wonder how you 'planet'?) (like...you know how nouns can be used as verbs and understood...) (would it be like crashing into a giant sphere of another planet, 'to planet') (Or would it be to support life and grow plants? 'to planet') ("I'm just going to planet it."..) (what would that mean?) 

(so yeah...)

 

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Body is doing well. It's elbow has been taking it's time to regenerate adequate healing modalities, but other than that, working on cue. She is just okay with all things lately.

Mind is somewhere else still....although almost every day recently, she has been playing scenarios/scenes for Book 7 over and over, until she likes them.... although she knows, none of us are prepared to tackle another novel right now.

Brain is analyzing all the new data from the aether. She is having a blast and doesn't want us to distract her.

The Kid is wondering why I am supposedly going to just do line art on the wall with black and white, instead of colors.... She is perplexed and is not fully trusting that idea. She wants colors.

Ego hopes the Kid doesn't throw a tantrum...
Ego is also not feeling confident in certain aspects of Book 7, because she doesn't know enough about it to write about it. She doesn't want to learn...and will make sure she doesn't have to. She has agreed to make shit up as she goes. "It's a fantasy book....it doesn't have to be accurate." She rolls her eyes.

Soul watches us all....and is trying to convince the Kid, that if it's line art...we can color it later if we want. "Like a coloring book." She nods. She is also laughing that Mind is trying to prewatch Book 7....cause we all know, we have nothing to do with it...and the characters write themselves...so... She is agreeing with Ego. She is overjoyed by our aether land adventures. She is eager to take tally scores of our upcoming manifestations, just so she can come here and write about them....for your reference. Soul is completely humbled and stricken with admiration for the door and the teenager who helped us build it...while ten thousand synchronicities line up beside it.

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thinking far too hard, when the answers are at your feet...
get out of your head...and in the midst, we will meet...
chocolate lattes are the bomb of serenity and the cream of lavender smooths your skin like the fresh twist of a midday bath. Be graceful in your wanderings and embrace the luxuries you are entitled to.
And when the sun comes up again, gaze at the wonders that were delivered to your door. Everyday, is a Prime day.