Thots for your pleasure

 You know, I spent a whole week and a half, maybe slightly closer to two weeks...
doodling/painting on a wall in my craft room.

This same craft room that I used to call 'the sewing room'....
until I decided that I didn't want to sew much anymore.

And then it was the art room.... but not just for art...hence the word 'craft' came into being...
and now I just don't give a rip about either.

Crafts...art...sewing... (I am writing in it right now, lol)...and it's a great place to hang artwork...cause it makes the whole room look abundantly magical... including pictures of Roy Mustang and Wolverine too.

There's magic here...

Anyway... my unavailability to using labels has grown far past what I can even throw up into half assed words at this point.
Like... I'm not a seamstress...and have never liked the term...although I am a master seamstress... I can say that cause I've been doing it for (way) over 12 years.
I'm not an artist... even if I have always always always done 'art'.
I'm not a crafter...cause that's dumb. I craft things alright....but that likes saying I'm a breather...
I'm not a writer...cause even if I have 6 fucking novels...1 in the works, and a few stupid self help books, that I've written, AND a handful of completed screenplays... I am a writer too... but not. Even if my first 'book' was written when I was maybe 5...(and I still have it)...and yeah...it had dragons in it too.... with pictures... lol
A parent? What qualifications do I need for that again? A wife?
God, can we just quit it... (quit with labeling, not with being any of those things)

Like, I can be all those things... and I can be nothing...and I like both.
So... I don't want to sew much... I don't want to art much... I don't usually craft much as it is...
I do write... but most all of the work in itself is done way way way before I type a word of it on the screen. (I'm literately watching book 7 in my head at this point...like I watch the scenes over and over until they are good for now...until I rewatch them 100 more times...) (and yeah..I'm writing now too)
I'm sure I can claim to be all these things... but who fucking cares? I certainly don't.
Am I supposed to? And why don't I? Does anyone...beside those people all over social media that take pictures of themselves painting, or taking pictures (oh yeah...I'm a photographer too, yo!), or doing their thing and claiming to be their doing-ness...
I can just BE me... and whatever I'm DOing... is just what I'm doing... without commitment.

So... many people want their doing-ness to be directly related to their receiving-ness...
and I gag at those two things being in a relationship.
You can receive without doing.
You can receive by just BEing a receiver... ... ... or is this too hard a concept for others?

I painted my own wall, for myself.... yet, I fully expect the paycheck for it to come.
I write shit all the time...sometimes devouring pure stuff, sometimes nothing but shit... but either way I fully expect to get paid in equal value for the way I was being while doing those things.
And when I sit outside all fucking day, because I can, and I do, and I will certainly do it again...
I will also receive compensation for that bit of beingness as well.
Also when I play Farm Hero Saga too... because I get to have whatever I want, even if I'm playing games.
But you know what pays the most? 
Those times I'm on fire. When energy scourges. When passion rages. When the world bows before all my desires and hands them over like I'm it's god.
And that BE-ing-ness... is all we are when we do a complete dump of all those bullshit thoughts (thots)
that hinder ourselves from just fucking BEing ourselves.

and I love this space...where its safe to purge those chaotic resistances that show up from time to time...the same place where you can hear them and see them and eat them up like big juicy pickles, because we are allowed to tell the world to go fuck itself.
And ourselves too when we get so far off track that we start to become like the others who want to pander to their limitations.
But we aren't like that here.... we've gone too far, seen too much, felt so much more, and bathed in the auras of the angels and the demons and the stars... and god they are all beautiful.

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It's quite awhile before the new year hits...
but it might be time for a resolution...
one that redefines my own fucking lane... but moreso, taking off in my UFO and getting off the roadways altogether... because I AM NOT GOING WHERE YOU ARE GOING.
   (and I do not mean to imply that aliens will be disclosed in December...(or Jan 2 to be more exact)
but... I am saying that even if I joke around with hubby about getting a cybertruck... that I can go this way and everything will make way for my approach...cause that's the way it works for me.

Blah... let's switch here...



Body is timidly gaining some sense of stability even after I shook it up the other day and it's been whimpering about do-ing things... She is trying to catch up to us, cause we've done left her ass and she's a bit slower than our energetic leapings.

Mind is hyper focused on what we've been doing lately and is making sure to steer us more toward alignment than all the wordy things.

Brain is analyzing how much bullshit we've allowed ourselves to carry, and it nodding as we purge...and also feeling a tad sorry she didn't catch it sooner so Body wouldn't be so traumatized.

Ego is feeling left out and doesn't have anything to say yet, but is waiting for her turn. She said that getting a cybertruck is completely not needed, not really wanted, but she will accept it if by chance Elon wants to send one her way.

The Kid claims she knows Elon....real excited like... We don't know why. She says she likes all the things on the wall that she finds hidden in the drawings. Especially the Enderman and the Deathstar....and the buttons.....   ok, she won't hush...

Soul is softening things.  ?  ...  She's working and isn't going to put any commentary on here right now...

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you are the energy, the water, the river...

and your body is the earth...

it's bound to erode away...

as the water rises...

stay true...

just relax...

it will realign...

and you will be flowing free and clear soon enough...