Pay no mind. Just ramblings

Day 47 of 100 of WTFIW....F

1. What are your goals?
2. I have / I am ___?___?
3. Kylego past the wall.

I have nothing else to write on yet because MS Word key code is somewhere and I don't have it at the moment to see if it will work on this laptop.
So... because Notepad and I are not in agreement with each other, I have to write it here, as I'll never find it again on google docs.
I will not post this, however, if you find yourself here, it's all rambling as I carve out something from whatever it happens to already be. My rambling attempt to gain traction and refocused clarity.
Pay no attention.


1: What are your goals?
   I don't have any. Not a single one. I have a few intentions, but truthfully if I were to find something else I wanted to do more/first, I would do it instead. No commitments here. No forced follow-through, and certainly no obeying anything other than whatever my highest calling may be at any given moment. I've unschooled myself too, yo.
   But intentions... let's delve into this...
Because I intend to finish this piano art project I have going here and gaze upon the gloriousness of all the colors. All the colors. I intend to write another screenplay even though now is not the time apparently. I'm now leaning towards Sky Thunder, since the other one I partially outlined came to a dead stop.... although I did think up a better possible way to go forward. idk. I'll get there.
I intend to get the credit card debts paid off this year. All of them. Even if the possibility seems impossible. But only to everyone else on the planet, besides me that is. Wait...I'm on the planet?
Which brings me to another intention. To be more in my body. Not in that 'I am more present' kinda way. But in the 'holy fuck, god is on earth' kinda way. I'm not joking.
I intend to just be me. Like whole complete truth of me... but without the word 'truth'. Because that has come to feel like it is excluding the other parts of me that can not align with such a word as 'truth'. Like my rude sarcasm everyone hates. Like my disassociation from societies problems, because I can not relate. Like my unending efforts to be understood, even though I am so used to not being understood. Like all the crap my other self tries to hide from me, because it is ashamed of those things.... and I just love them, and her. And fuck 'truth'. You will not divide me from myself.
If I've learned anything from all these angels and guides and very good friends.... it is that all is One. Even the shadow and the light.
Nothing it 'true'. Everything is permitted. Even me, motherfucker.

2: I have / I am ___?___?
   This is one of those stupid things where you list off who you are and what you have, as if you already are and have them. I guess like positive affirmations... but you see.... I know the truth.... that there is NO truth. Sooooo.......
I have clarity. I have support. I have understanding. I have joy. I have bliss. I have ecstasy. I have truth. I have wisdom. I have love. I have wealth. I have everything. I have all things. I have unity. I have other stuff. I am joy. I am truth. I am wealthy. I am healthy. I am wise. I am wisdom. I am everything. I am all things. I am whole. I am complete. I am fullness. I am heaven. I am hell. I am light. I am shadow. I am unity. I am chaos. I am rage. I am beauty. I am space. I am breath. I am nothing. I am found. I am known. I am seen. I am heard. I am tasted?? lol..... there was this hot ass dude in my dream last night.... LOL! But I woke up way too soon!
This is for people who need to write these things out... not me. So I'll do the third one.

3: Kylego past the wall.
   Kylego is where you talk about the future as if it has already happened. I can't say whether or not this works as well or as a compliment to manifesting does.... but I did kylego my 4runner while I was doing the manifesting thing too... so I can't dismiss it. I haven't kylego'ed since then, sooo... I guess it wouldn't hurt to continue on. And going past the wall is going further than what your mind can see or comprehend. That may be difficult for me, as I'm a seer and can see really fucking far when I'm paying attention. This might be long, but if it happens, this will be here and will be proof... like my awesome ass 4runner is proof!!! HA! I still swoon a bit when I look at it. <3 *googly eyes

   I remember.... when I paid off the last credit card. It was so exciting and simple and easyAF! Better yet, I didn't tell anyone! I didn't tell them how quickly I got them all paid completely off. I didn't tell them where all that money had come from! I didn't tell anyone jack shit about it all and used that energy as momentum! And I proved I never needed their understanding or their trust or approval or whatever the fuck. I certainly didn't need their shame or blame either. I had it all paid off like lightning! I even had cash stored away and money pooling every place I could stick it! I filled my life with all the glorious blessings money can provide. For all of myself and my family. Fuck yes, I spent it on whatever brought joy and ease, without explaining to anyone how money just appeared and made all of these wonderful things possible!  -- It wasn't long after the mortgage began getting paid off faster and faster. Did I tell anyone about that? Heck NO! The deed came in the mail like no big deal. Just the fabulous me doing my magic shit, pay no attention. I love that money came from all these amazing events and sources and still does! Wow! Things got paid off, things got repaired, things got easier, and intentions became more clear and focused! There was no stopping all this magic flow that echoed throughout the year 2019! Do you believe in magic now, because I still do.
   Dude, I also remember getting more screenplays written just after I found out that mine made it to the final rounds of a competition! Then, my favorite one WON! I got the rewards, I got a sale, I got more eyes on all of this awesome story shit I can produce! I don't know what to do with myself, it's amazing and I'm learning so many new things, just from all that has happened! I got to speak with Pixar producers! They want me to write for them! Disney was so jealous, until I sold them a screenplay too! Hold the phone, did I tell you that I also get to work as a consult on other scripts! Holy shit! And I get to do it from home! The other screenwriters/people out their struggling and whining were wrong! I can have it my way!
   I can have everything my way. I remember when I not only believed it, but began acting like it was completely true... and you know what, it became true. I totally learned that people do buy screenplays from me. I learned that money is given to me all the time for sometimes no reason at all. I learned that people will pay a lot of money for my art and have multiple times! I learned that we all have the power to heal ourselves and others too. Inwardly and outwardly. I learned that all things are possible, even in a split second miracles and blessings can unexpectedly and surprisingly fall into your path and your lap! Like 'here ya go, the universe wants to give you energy' magic bonus rounds and level-ups, extra lives, and support that has completely and fully been given to me. I have always been supported and loved. I have always been seen and heard and understood. I have always been debt free and appreciated and known. Fuck yes. I love how this year has poured out the universe to me.... and how I received it. <3

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well anyway....
My youngest and I chatted until about 3:30 am the other night.
He wanted more knowledge of the otherworlds.... even though I think he has a deeper understanding than even I do... he totally said I had went way further than he ever has... O_O
anyway... the world is moving for him lately... and he has events that are planned for his life... so that's cool I guess.

got to go.

I am ....

It's still day 43 of 100 of WTFIW....F

and I needed to write this down before memory flees from my sight.

it's about truth
it's about approval
it's about division
....

These tethers... how fucking mysterious you are, dear thugs.
how you silently linger without bringing notice to yourself
oh...until you can't reach far enough and snag me up, pulling me back...
I see you, you little bastard.
I love you, and you've carried me thus far without bringing notice to yourself.
But you are no longer welcomed to travel with me.
I'm past your length, and past your span...
and I must untether myself from you.
Thank you, and goodbye.

Approval... remember what was said....
about not serving you, or the world, or the people, or the earth...
you'll never understand me... it is Heaven that is served.
and you've been untied and released and I wish you well.

Truth... how I thought I knew you...
how you were felt.
how you tried to make yourself at home....
but you see...
having truth... is denying the shadow...
and there will not be division in this kingdom.
And untethering from division is like new breath.
A new way to breathe.
and all the darkness which I've always held dear...
you my love...
can walk in the light with me.
and this is what returning to look inside has revealed.
this other me.... the one that I locked away because she was too...
too..... everything I was wasn't.
too.... everything I didn't want.
too... everything I overlooked.
light and shadow
and I'll just untether from division...
and only be available for unity.
for wholeness.
wholly ... holy...
and this bravery and courage that speaks without words...
all of heaven and all of hell is welcomed here.
and all of the message and all of the messenger is welcomed here....
and even so....
my very good friend...
he asked if it were what he taught, or spoke, or whether it was just him...
and yeah... the words are second rate.
presence is enough.
I choose both.
Both of us.
All of us.
I.

I


_____________

Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

Gold is the new age

Day 40 and 41 and 42 and 43 of 100 of WTFIW....F

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A garden.
where we grow our forests
perhaps fruit trees
perhaps vegetables and roses
flowers too
it's what we cultivate and where we spend our time
trying to get those onions to bloom
trying to get those trees to spit out turnips
tilling and seeding and planting
waiting for the reap
how alike we are
each striving for the perfect garden to showcase
competing with one another
all trying to grow the same things.....

but I planted jellybeans...
magic moons...
and seedling kings...
all these in my garden
and I'm not competing against you
there's another dimension
and that's where I'll meet the finals
but you see...
no one else can grow what I grow...
and I own my own category
so there a guarantee for the blue ribbon
and the red, and the green, and all things...
all rewards...
because I don't compete with you

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All this time it was perceived as being a fluke.
A design flaw that wouldn't be understood.
It was forever. It was just yesterday.
And there you were.
Those colors.
Like a rainbow, but like pearls and electricity
There you were.
Hidden all this time from this eye, this I.
Why hadn't you shown yourself before?
Was it because I didn't repeat the key code 3 times?
Was it because walking hand in hand with this soul wasn't close enough?
What did I miss all those times I knocked at your door?
At my door?
Why didn't you answer before, yet this time....
there you were.

Her name is Toriel.
The tutor, the teacher, god's helper.
ah... the mirror effects of this place
I remember
We've traversed the heavens and the seas deep, and the aether and the otherworlds...
yet you kept yourself elusive, locked away in the chest.
and the key, hung around my neck.
and all this time it was unlocked, yet...
I didn't return to see what was inside.
until... yesterday.
hmm. fascinating.

_  __ _ _    _   __   __ _  _ __    
 
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 all that ^^ a day after the arrows.
and the bow.
and it's all amazingly entrancing and magical
and ...let's keep going.

____________________________________

starting on the piano designs.
Timetable, I gave myself 2 months.
and I successfully procrastinated and wasted 2 weeks.
so as long as it's finished by April 9th, it's all good.

no outline - on hold
will work on another or something
brain does not want to write stories right now...
nothing I can do about that. *shrugs
ok... feelings do not want to write, they want to swim in the paint.
sooooo.....
that's what I'll be doing, until feelers say otherwise

ever get that dreaded feeling when you have to open new paint sets...
and mind is like 'aaahhh you're going to ruin this perfect tube of paint!'
and soul is like, 'fuck yes I am. there's more at the store.'
and mind is, 'but you'll have to buy more, don't touch those colors! What if you run out!'
and soul is like, 'yep' as it breaks the seal on the fresh tube of paint.
and soul's eyes glaze over as color, COLOR slowly emerges from the opening....
look at that color.... oooooohhhhhh prrreeeeeettttyyyyyy!
and mind is like 'fuck' and has one of those deep sighs in defeat.
'it's not a drug.' mind rolls it's eyes.
and soul smiles and begins rocking back and forth slowly as the colors... as the colors!!!....

right it out on paper

Day 37 of 100 of WTFIW....F

still around
but nowhere to be found
outline not going well
have a partial, but not feeling it
and feeling is everything

hmmm.....
nothing to do except piano artwork design sketch
but maybe tomorrow
painting a painting sounds more in line
or randomly writing and hoping something comes of it

mind is numb
and nothing came from the pursuits of the aether
its been quiet
and this feels like a resting period
since downloads and input got crammed in a few days ago
this is the waiting period
and what this means is unknown
but it is welcomed and held as a needed truth

the council is gathering again, slowly
and although an interruption was made
they do not seem very accommodating
so waiting is still at the forefront
so be it

~ "You know the answers, but do you feel them?
    That is where understanding comes from." ~

ah yes.... let's grapple with these words and solve the mystery
but by letting go and allowing the mystery to be

and the mind still wants to figure out purpose
still wants to behold a reason
and all the whys
and the meaning behind serving the world
but you see....
even though this human tries to find a path it can walk...
a guide with six wings and golden trident shakes his head
and his words...
~ "Why do you think your purpose is to serve the world?
    For it is Heaven that is served."

and every path will not be able to carry these feet
and every movement may never reveal a destination
and it's no wonder that being hidden away feels like home
and this soul doesn't belong to you
and whatever you see from me
is not for you
whatever you see through me is the message
and a messenger is no one
cast your eyes away

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walking through the deep
to see what there is to find once again

an uncaring
a desire for the world to fall
to be extinguished in a moment
even all the joys and all the pains
and all the colors and all the dark
let it all be erased
there is no care here

and the sands here in the depth
they give solace
the soft texture as they move through fingers
never arguing, never complaining
these sands that move without life
like crystals too small to see
like dust in the darkness

and a great expanse lifting as high as one can see
without substance, without form
a total source of nothing
this beautiful space
that holds a soul unafraid of the deep
unafraid of the dark
let it embrace her

but all things are not true
and even if the world crumbled
and the sea raged
and the sands washed away
and the pains and the joys dissipated into the void
she couldn't tear out what was inside of her
the christ of a crucified god
and there all the colors rose with fury
and the music radiated with the sun
and all the joys and all the pains and all the inbetween
it all made love within her soul
and darkness smothered them all
and they loved it and it loved them
and that was all that was true

and how can one describe god
without describing yourself
and when the world rages
and when it falls, and when it rises
it still can't approach the kingdom within
it is nothing but a fraction of what a speck of matter can do
and if Heaven had a name
I would answer to it.

 

1/3 and I find there is no end

Day 33 of 100 of WTFIW....F

How to say this.....?

So Mr. Lee is awesomeAF
and I say this with utmost care.
there might be some coincidental sychronocities going on...
but this mind is completely blown

I want to use a shit ton of aggressive words to explain
and also want to say nothing at all
There's something going down and here I sit in the midst
and there's no other place to be
holy fuck

so yeah, he talks a lot.
and today the mirror reflected some deep ass shit
and even though the body is so unfamiliar...
just... wow
and though my own words are too many
sometimes too shallow...
I hear all of the depth...
and my life in contrast is there at the drop off...
where it's still shallow, but all of the ocean stands before you to offer more
to be more
to become more.
and I can swim
and I can dive
and I am the ocean
and there's more of me in the depths than there ever was near the shore

even as the people frolic
I choose to let myself sink
into myself.

"Receive all the wealth, all the abundance, all the success...everything...
by receiving you."
"All things, all energy comes from inside."

he's not ashamed of his success or his honor or his desires
and he's called a master
and if you only knew...

- feel the answers - feel truth -

and 100 days just turned into forever

AwesomeAF does not even come close to this...

Day 32 of 100 of WTFIW....F

Allow me... to pass along what a great master has spoken.

"Grasping outward to gain strength is not the answer.
Power comes from within.
Learn to store it in your body and learn when to express it.
You store it (energy/power) by sitting in it (your body).

You know the answers, but do you feel them?
That is where understanding comes from.
Come back to me when you master this.

Feel truth.
Wear it like clothing.
Do you think truth wavers?
Do you think it is unsure?
Then why are you?

You (everyone) share energy more than you (everyone) share words.
Remember that."

- Bruce Lee

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Way more wisdom than one can absorb in the wee hours after midnight.
Like 'I'm gonna pour my bucket o'wisdom over your head and you better catch some of this."
yeah. There was A LOT... that up there is cropped and trimmed and almost exact.
the dude is a waterfall.

It was a complete honor to even make contact...
but then he started asking why and what I wanted...
and I didn't want anything, I was just seeing if it were possible...
and then he was like,
oh, so you didn't come here to learn martial arts?
- - no.
oh... so you came here for more than that?
- - uhh....
You say you have no questions, but you are willing to receive.
-- -Do you have any wisdom to impart?
then it got all crazy... the guy is a talker, but nothing he said was rambling or unnecessary
it was all this huge deep philosophical raw honest wisdom truth stuff.
like whoa... so not prepared for a long visit... but okay...
until a while later and it just keeps filling my overflowing mind, and then not being sure what to make a note of or what not to...
almost reached a stopping point when he said to come back...
but then he continued on...
it was wild.
and he was honored to give all of this.
and there is this real terrifying feeling that he's expecting me to come back...
and this mind is like... you are not worthy!
and the soul is like... it's been scheduled, be prepared.

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Working on outline for next screenplay, but running into issues.
see... I get new scenes popping up for a completely different script idea.
and book 6 parts are playing in my head every night...
writing a screenplay here, not another book! Is there no break time, yo!?

piano project is underway
aiming for the end of March to have it finished.
Screenplay done by end of Feb. at least the first draft.
other 3d stuff...

oh...and money appeared out of nowhere today.
because FLOW!
Please check out my book on Feng Shui, it is available!
CLICK HERE
or message me, $5 will get you the PDF version.
this is a workbook style book, so you gotta do the work to get the results!

I'm ogre it.... HAHA!

W T F.....

so I was just browsing last years blog posts to see what I was doing...

I just posted a new one...
at the end of it, I mentioned a magic wand...

and guess what...
last year on Feb 8 the title of my blog post was...
"With a wave of your magic wand, your troubles will all be gone."
you know, from Shrek, the fairy godmother singing it.

how is that for spiral evolution.
....

Phenomenal

Day 28 of 100 of WTFIW....F

"I would say 'phenomenal', but even that doesn't come close."

^^ Those words... ^^

I received today.

ahhh... my love... finally gracing your eyes upon mine.
I see you.
and you've seen a piece of the me.
and all this greatness is in us both.
Allow me to give you the stars.
I will give the you, the all, of the me.
Unconditional and without limitations.
Liberated like light, and like love.
Come into Heaven. I am the key.
And you are worthy.

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There's something to be said about the soul.
The way it IS, like if it were a thing to be described.
How giving it a name is like asking it what purpose it serves.
Oh, the divine truths to be lived.
How little these questions are to the expanse of the heavens.
How little the mind is and how very minute it's capabilities reach.
Why hold on to such small enclosures.
There is the beyond, where the mind could never span.
Not outward, or there, or that way, or that time. No...
It's here. Now. This very blink.
And it is part of a small truth, but swallowed up by the emergence of the TRUTH.
...and of BEING. ...and of AM.
Glorious. The All of this.

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....
poem etymology = create
...
the times in school that brought forth this horrendous fuss.
one that would be thrust aside with disdain and a cuss.
because there was a poem that once was made...
and to it's end it became cast away in the second grade.
Wrong. No. That's not right. Change this. Try again.
but it wasn't for you...
and the child already knew the teacher failed to see.
failed to know, failed to let the child be.
was the rhyming not on par, with wood, fire, lake, or meat?
should love not be scoured with roses and tulips at your feet?
Alas. Cast the child away. You are not good at this.
and now the poem has crashed, folded, and got trashed.
and still the rhyming is... at last...
dead.

....____________________________...

How precious the soul, while waiting for the king.
It took so much longer than expected.
And still. The world was empty without you.
Even when you were caught in a glimpse of another.
Knowing you, seeing you, but never having your hand near.
You were always present. Found in a few faces...the few places.
Yet, what was your name?
And still. The heavens were empty without you.
Thoughts racing to catch you, voices calling to hear you.
Grace this soul with your light.
Until the light faded and the hands of the king turned these eyes to his.
There is the silence and the whisper and the ocean and the thunder.
And still. The soul was empty without you.
The void lingered while all the while the skies rained.
Reclaiming all that was severed, mending a life tied by death.
Casualty. Reborn. Fire in the light of the night.
Even separateness was a mask. Undone. Truth. One.
And still. All was empty without you.
A soul unoccupied would be life without a being.
Sight without a seeing. Music without a song.
Touch upon the truth and hold this close.
The king is nobility. And the heirs are all noble.
And still. Nothing was empty.


 ____________________________________________

*Light conducted through crystals is magic.*
science project 101 ~ a magic wand
let it be knownst to thee that Atlantian metaphysics are a thing.

light is vibrational energy that can be seen
rays emitted through a crystal conduct a scattered ray that
alters/amplifies the conductive properties of not only the light,
but that of the crystals energy properties.
Therefore, using the only known possible qualities of crystal metaphysics,
we can thereby assert that certain light frequencies can charge and direct
possible healing and/or beneficial tendencies towards the expansion of
not only advanced technology,
but medical, physical, and environmental remediation. 


I don't know what to do with this information... but thanks... ?


 

Not all cages are made of metal....

day 27 of 100 of WTFIW....F

I was hoping to stay away for ...ever...
but

The Gatekeeper
the last path...

see...
the gate isn't made of bars...
it's made of ribbons...
of tethers...
of bindings...
of bonds...

the gate is that which holds you back.
which ties you down.
which keeps you limited to the world.

and this is the last path...
and the gatekeeper is one who guides to set you free
free

there's so much more to this, but this was new and this had to be accounted for

there's still more tethers, but now I feel them like nobody's business
final countdown, but without the counting.
a whole new paradigm has opened (shifted)
a new perspective and now I see them, those sneaky bastards.
I will cut you from my life.
I have a Seraphim as my guide, and he carries a trident.
Did you even have a chance?

I will not be posting all of these on FB
I care not if you read, but I wrote them for me.

_________________

Today is the youngest es' birthday
15
bought him an Oculus Rift.
still have to make brownies

got that book done and published and ordered

Erasing

Day 23 and 24 and 25 and 26 of 100 of WTFIW....F
I'm totally adding a little at a time... ha!


and as I'm adding on day 26... I don't know why I'm counting...
I'll do WTFIW....F anyway...always....in all ways...forever.
well, here's a bunch of words written in the last few days.
_____________________________________________________

.....liquid
like that of gold
and it caresses the landscape like a flood
slowly covering the layers upon layers of the world
everything turns into gold
like Midas and that which he's touched.
but it's a better elixir.
one that doesn't need to be carried, or hauled
one that doesn't need to be kept safe or hidden away
this gold is the essence and the purity
of transmuting the inner energy of life
...and all things turn into gold
and it radiates....
shine shine shine
the greatest gold on earth is said to be the sunshine...
....

__ __ ____ ____ _____ ___ ____ ___ ___ __ _____ ___ ___ ____ _____

I'm willing to drown you
so do not enter into this ocean unless you are willing to swim

The feeling you get when you know something has changed...
the same things feel different.
the same things are no longer the same
yet you see them as they already were...
and the simplest questions get the simplest of answers
and the last path...
is longer than expected, but suddenly nearing the end...
and there's still resistance to that end.

but it's too late... I've untethered from those things that life thought it needed
Untethered from what the mind thought it needed.
and I know there's only a few more.
I know what they are .... and soon, they too will be disconnected from this soul
They are the longest. The ones not willing to be found out...
the ones that tagged along in the background.... 
oh dear tethers that bind me...
have you not met my guide?
the one with the trident...the one with the 6 wings... the one with a voice of gold...
he has many eyes... and you will not go unnoticed

you shall meet the gatekeeper shortly...
but it is I who will cut you from my soul.
I can only pass through the last gate when these tether are undone.
you haven't met my guide...
I am in his charge. And he cannot fail.
..
even knowing that is an honor...
even if it is beyond comprehension....
ah...the mind...trying to 'think'...

shhhh....
there's only feeling here....
only feeling...
and I've untethered from fear.
unthethered from worry
untethered from all that is not me.

I'm not neglecting you...
but I'm not interested in your subscriptions.
I am the ocean.
You can choose to stay on the shore.
Or you can choose to wade in the shallows.
Or you can choose to swim.
The ocean doesn't think about you.
It only feels.
It only fills.

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hmmmmm....
feels like a turning away
February will be the catalyst
the turning point, if you will
the midpoint turn
the inciting incident
something other than what has been shown
you will not find me hovering about
you will not find me lingering
you will not find me at all
cast away into differing realms
embarking...
today is the last day for looking
last day for this 'thinking'
last day for setting intentions

and you 'thought' you had a few more days....
but sometimes soon is within the hour, sometimes it is within the year.
and now time is no longer revealing to be a thing at all...
and a new hour dispels itself, as it pours out in our path.
these streets of gold.
these streets of gold.
walk upon me....
king. queen. god. goddess. seer.

these streets were paved for thee....

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This rich darkness...
this place just before take off...
where you're supposed to be doing a flight check...
but no one's doing that.
even the pilot...
the pilot doesn't think about those techniques or those plans..
the pilot just feels like the day to fly is today..
and so he does.
the pilot doesn't fear engine failure.
or landing gear deployment.
the pilot knows how to fly.
and landing is for those planning to quit...
or arrive..
or get somewhere, for some purpose...
but this pilot flies... flies
cause this pilot doesn't fly a plane...
nor a kite, nor a drone...
who am I?
to be able to fly... 
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Erasing is in the winds.
Deleting.
Not clearing... but complete wipe outs.
Catch you at the reboot.
or not.

 hmmmm....
was going to write something here, but I don't want to give you anything else.

Nothing is True. Everything is permitted.