The stars...they have friends in high places.

She was dancing....spiraling in and out of the sunlight that radiated from between the trees. A song playing in her ears...the trees dancing with her.
Flowers tucked carefully in the grass, showing colors of velvet and of breeze. Peace floated off the light....love shone out from the star....

but

but....your chaos.....your chaos. It was too bright for the shadows...and the shadows rebelled against her...striking her down. How dare you shine your light, little star.....  how dare you find peace. How dare you embolden love and embrace it upon your lips. How dare you.....little star.
She stopped and pondered...why the shadows cursed at her. Are we not all part of one another? Her song died out and she forgot the words....those words.... the trees stood still like logs and the sunlight.....it became cold.
The flowers were scattered across the grass like weeds....showing colors of blood.
Peace.... now had to be fought for...
and love...
it had to be found....and it had to be earned.

Little star.....have you already forgotten....
you danced with the mountains for weeks....and then one moment comes that shakes you out of your dream and you turn cold.....like a dead star.
A star is chaos.....without it. it will die. Love is chaos....without it, it will suffer.

Little star.... I will fight for you.....

  -----------------------------------------------------------

Things take time..... time is what things are taking.
Not just waiting on fabric reps this time...but waiting on the shadows to no longer fear falling asleep.
.....waiting for myself to no longer make the shadow's fear an end to my dance.

I scribbled out some lists yesterday.... and wrote things on it the same way a bully would write on your book at school...in 8th grade. Because dancing is for children.....dancing is for dreamers....
I'm not allowed to be a dreamer....I'm not allowed to dance....
I'm not allowed to make the shadows upset....
My chaos isn't acceptable.
I'm not acceptable.
It's not acceptable to breathe.
It's not acceptable to smile.
Don't let the shadows see....don't let the dark see what the light is doing....because the light is not allowed to be.
Chaos...... chaos....is in me.

Hold the little star and she will burn you....
set her free...set her free.....

I cleaned house today. I also was told I was never satisfied.
I made bread crumbs. Placed fabric orders. Answered emails. And reminded that everything I say is unacceptable.
I cooked dinner. Washed dishes. And successfully made it through the day hating my own voice.

I closed my etsy shop except for appliqued tees. I put my facebook page on vacation. Still people emailed me. And I probably made a sale or two.

Oh...look... a kitty!!!!!! :)  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


 --------------------------------------------

“ that's why love is madness; it's too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart. ”

bored.....and this wifi signal is irritating.....

We sang songs and skipped up steps, laughing all the while. Like two teenagers who've stayed up way longer than they should have...and everything is much more hysterical than it could ever be before....
Late night giggle fits, while singing ...follow the yellow brick road?? I don't know what we were doing....but it was fun.
No, the steps aren't yellow....but I think He mentioned it was time to paint the walls....


So...almost two months later...not by any fault of my own....I'm still waiting for other people to get the ball rolling. Accounts are pending....someone is at a trade show....or this other paper needs signed....
So I'm waiting.... but tomorrow is Monday and maybe something will start to cooperate.

American Pharaoh won again! And so did I! Sweet! 3 weeks till the next one. :)

There's this saying about if you want different results you have to make different choices...or something like that.....soooo.... this should be interesting....

I have 1 more week till vacation...give or take.
2 tees to sew, a dress, a onesie, and a set.....  and I'm still cringing that I'm working and the money has been spent and nothing else has been ordered.....
I'm debating what type of detergent to use when I toss SDD in the washer.... Tide? All? Gain? ....bleach?
Maybe a mix of All Gain....lol.....

The clothes in the washer go...whoosh whoosh whoosh...whoosh whoosh whoosh.

I'm not sure what happened to her....but I've discovered that she has been gone for awhile now.
I don't think she'll ever be back...no.....there's no coming back after a question like that.

"Do you feel safe with me?" He asked.
I'm clinging to his arm as if that was the oddest question I ever heard....dude....you're Jesus Christ, of course I feel safe!
Yeah....but we know how this goes....if you worry about anything....then I guess it's because you don't feel safe. I'll shut my mouth now about telling you those things that might be a possible problem to worry about.....because I'm suddenly not worried at all now....ever.

We are still climbing....but I'm not tired.
Still taking step after step....but it doesn't hurt.
Sometimes it gets dark, sometimes we are without a window to look out of....but the darkness flees as we walk.
He's been making me smile lately. I keep wondering what He's up to, like it's some new profound way of bringing me where I need to go. It's fascinating really....but I realize that my preprogrammed thoughts have been working against me....and everything is false....and everything is true. It's like going in the wash cycle....churning and turning....breaking up this grit. Rinse it out and wash again....as this gunk hasn't served me well.

Safe.
Safe.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


I feel like painting.
I feel like learning a dance that goes with a certain chinese song.....only because the anime people can do it.....so why can't I.
I feel like buying happy fabrics..... but I'm waiting on company reps to set up my wholesale accounts.
I feel excited on the inside....I'm bouncing in my seat and making those retarded clappy hands....on the inside....you'll never see me do that in real time....well....you might. *rolls eyes, I know I'm a dork.
I'm contemplating something drastic...yet exciting! But I'm not sure how to do it just yet. Still shuffling it around in my head, but the idea of putting ShadowDragon Dreams into the wash cycle with me might be in the works. Heck, who doesn't like to take a bubble bath.............on a roller coaster.
I picked up an old broken dresser on the side of the road (yay free!)....waiting for hubby to fix it to my liking so I can paint it!
Almost done with sewing orders ........ almost done for good.....what a boring job lately. Me and boring don't work well together. Well.....me a not making sales....don't work well together. So yeah...washing machine. I have 8 left....which is way way way below norm....not cool economy....not cool at all.
Picnic tomorrow.....why not. No one wants to do anything around here! Time to break out the educational assessment notebook! (Yay school, but not really!) Now I need cash and 4 white bodysuits....and a big ass piece of paper....and paint..... I love paint!
Ooohhh! Preakness Stakes is on the 16th! American Pharoah and Carpe Diem (which he better freaking win something this time) Horsies!!!
 The sun is warm and the rain hasn't shown it's face enough..... I'm outta here, later gators~ Don't you just whoosh you were clean!