Sometimes puzzles need to get re-solutions.

Resolution.... oh, you mean a re-solution....because the first one didn't quite work out very well...neither did the second, or third. Or do you mean, reso---lution, resounding evolution? Meaning we can't really make a difference in what is already prepared to play out before us?
I can't remember what this past year's resolution was...so therefore means nothing. And therefore, I won't be making any New Year's re-solutions for 2015, because we are on a different path, one that involves a more trusting release of solving my own problems...well 'occurrences', since I don't consider anything much of a problem.
There's nothing to solve and I'm not understanding the reasons certain occurrences seem to complicate the lives of so many around me. They ask for help, they ask for prayer, they ask and plead and beg and sob and cry and wear their struggles on their masks....dripping all over the place with their tears and devote neediness.... I'm standing in the sunshine and I don't understand them.
I don't ask for help, I don't ask for prayers, I don't plead or beg or wear my struggles (or as I see them, blessings) on my face or on my masks I've set on fire. The only thing dripping to the floor in a hot mess of molten globs are those pieces of me that aren't me.
......(bunch of stuff I wrote here but deleted)......
see what I did there...I put on another one....damn it.
I would try to make a resolution to stop replacing one with another, but I think this world has literately trapped me into it's glitched prison that I can only escape by remembering once again and again those things I already know....ugh.
Let me tell you a story.....
There's this puzzle in the breakroom at work. It's been there since I started back in November and it is still there sitting on the same table, still unfinished. Much of it is complete, but there are a few large gaping holes in it...incomplete.... and this is a reflection of my life. All the rest of the piece are in the box next to it and I already know what the picture is too. I used to work on it during my breaks, but I don't any longer. Maybe someone does. It had been different earlier (partly complete in different places), but someone or something had knocked a bunch out of whack and some pieces had been scattered on the floor. This is when I basically gave up working on it.
Well...long story short....I don't really think my life has gaping holes or any missing pieces, it's just a bit discombobulated at the moment....and maybe someone will put it together and finish it, or maybe I'll start working on it again, or maybe they'll finally just shove it all back in the box....doesn't matter. The picture already exists, the puzzle was solved before it was ever cut into 500 pieces, and my very good friend has assured me the gaping holes aren't there because he's not here.....but because you can't always see when all the trees are in the way.
Yeah, there's trees in the pic that aren't done....and people raking up all the leaves...cleaning up the things that have fallen away and waiting until spring comes.... god I love this life.

Do you know what a prayer is....it's an exchange. You are giving up and releasing what you are praying for....and in exchange you are receiving what God is praying for.

So...yeah, I'm assuming no one gives a shit about what I write here and no one takes any ounce of worth from anything I do, but that's okay. I guess I can tell you about the mundane things that occur around here..for those who just like to know my mask-y business.
sewing work starts back up today actually, but not really until tomorrow. I flip flop back and forth about whether or not I want to put forth the effort to do certain things relating to sewing work stuff. I'm so indecisive, but that's probably just for today.... totally the curse of being a Pisces. I work one more day this week at my other job, um yay! and I look forward to the next economic crash so our finances will be in much better shape...because we are the opposite of the world. And, let's see...ummmm.....I finally got that feeling the other day....the vibrational change or something...things are headed onward and upward! *claps hands like a loon.
really though, I'm just excited that it's closer to the time I get to bring home two little samurai. But you know me...it's the little things that make me happy. And I'll get to actually work on my book again tomorrow evening! Hooray! Maybe I can finish it in January...it might only have 2 or 3 chapters left.
anyway....it's like late....and I should probably save the daylight hours tomorrow to do something productive, so I'm outta here.


I just realized something....that same stupid feeling you get when you are working a crossword puzzle and the answer hits you and you realize what a dolt you are for not knowing the answer an hour ago.....about that lighthouse I wrote about.... a light house...house of light. Full of stars and of the sun....and not loaded down with burdens by the ton....Ha even that puzzle has a house in it...with lights in the windows. It really is the little things.

The fundamentals of support and frienemies....

It's 8 past midnight and I would much rather be here to write this down than sleeping, which I should be doing...if only I agreed with the word 'should'. But alas.... 'should' gives one the representation that something controls me...that something gives precedence over what I would rather do. So I, a natural rebel who chooses the darkened paths and opts for something 'other' will have to oblige myself to just what I intend to do, not what someone or something or the universe claims I 'should' be doing...regardless of logical reasons why I 'should' agree to their conditions.

I'm not sure I mentioned my dream a while ago with Jimmy Fallon in it. It was a pretty nifty one, where we were frienemies (friend/enemies) and were having a frienemy war. I had some people on my side and we had different weapons (not harmful ones) to fight off Jimmy and his people. We would shoot those play pen balls from my roof and drive remote control trucks loaded with feather bombs out his way.....of course I never thought it was fair because Jimmy had more money than me and had huge catapult things that would throw big bundles of styrofoam at us.... not sure who won, but we had a good time.
So anyway.... last night, I have this other dream...
Starts where me and some other people were trying to get through a large double door that was closed. To get through you had to defeat one of your fears and then you could walk through it. (in this case it was the fear of the unknown to get through the door). So me and a few others walked through it, like literately passed through it.
Inside the large room were other people standing and waiting for us to approach and as we proceeded forward, some of the people would block some of the others with me (they had to face one of their fears dealing with these people).
I walked straight to the back and had to choose going to the right or left. I went to the right and there was a bakery there and two ladies behind the counter. They wanted me to eat something from their shop. I told them I couldn't because it probably had dairy in it and would make me sick. They asked what I needed and I said lactaid pills, lol. One of the ladies said she had some but they were only for her and I couldn't have any, and then said I would have to go to the left to the other option. So...being annoyed by them, I left and went back over to the left of the room.
Ok...so this is weird but it was Jimmy Fallon's desk, he had pizza and breadsticks on his desk...and as I was walking up, kinda glad to see him again since our frienemy war....he turned into breadsticks...yeah, breadsticks.
I was like..."What are you doing?" as he was trying to blend in with the other things on his desk and hide, lol. "Jimmy, what are you doing?!" I would ask getting frustrated because I wanted to say hello. Then he suddenly turned back into himself and he was standing in next to my very good friend, and next to him was Jesus. I was thinking this was some sort of intervention or something because I was like dude...what the heck is going on....?
Anyway Jimmy smiles and says... "You know....frienemies like me are only here to help you, why did you wait so long to ask me what was going on? You got all frustrated first. Friends are here to help you. Enemies are here to help you too."...
Then I looked over at my very good friend...he said. "And friends like me who aren't there....are here to help you too."
Then I look over at Jesus, who just seems thrilled I was absorbing this 'lesson', smiles and says... "and me...you know I'm here to help you already." ...he shrugs like it's obvious, but I think there was something in that smile he made while he did it.
So I woke up then....and I know the boss man knew I would remember every word and I'm still trying to decode it...

Soooo...I've got four more days of work this week and only two days next week...and kinda hoping I'm 'let go' after that...this working outside of the home is not for me...whatever people, go do your jobs for someone else...I however am done....and I know this because I dread going the night prior to working. I'm rather disappointed I haven't been able to write my book for the last few weeks either...it would probably be done by now....grrr....
Meanwhile in lala land.... I spent money I don't have on things I don't need. and I feel great!.. besides a random pain in my neck (literal here) and lack of bank account funds.... however the bills are currently paid up to date and I have this ridiculous priced jacket on my radar my husband said I could go buy 0__0 !!! He hasn't argued with me about my future samurai kitties either.... OMG! I'm gonna keep him home forever! ....and of course put him to work on random business ventures in hopes of making some monetary gains....as well as cleaning the oven. :)

So I have 2 unschoolers who are not entertained by the yearly assessment (changing the name, but I haven't had time to think!) and 1 unjobber who is okay most of the time but still in limbo land.... ugh. And me who is going to unjob myself in less than ten days....but not from sewing work...that isn't work, that's art.
and....let's see...next year is 2015.... that sounds like a good year.... waiting for the music to begin...

....you know that song.... 'You've got a friend in me"?.... Frienemy (friend in me)

You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me When the road looks rough ahead And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed You just remember what your old pal said Boy you've got a friend in me Yeah you've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me You got troubles and I got 'em too There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you We stick together, we can see it through 'Cause you've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am Bigger and stronger too Maybe But none of them Will ever love you the way I do It's me and you boy And as the years go by Our friendship will never die You're gonna see it's our destiny You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me

What are we? ...we are the music (muse sic = to think...thus was it written)

You would think I wouldn't still be struck down by every divine rush that happens my way. This living by the ocean is exhilarating....and I still find myself tilting my head in a whirling sea of ignorance and insight. What do I do with this ball of complicated simple wisdom?
Let's start with the first blow....and no, I don't make up these things....these things are real and yes, they do happen to me, and yes, I enjoyably spend my life pondering them....everyday. ..
There's this sign in front of a church down the road. I often pass it by. It reads.... "God is not there to keep us from trials, but to see us through them.". Truthfully, I always thought of it as bland and continuously hoped they wouldn't wait out the entire month to change it to some new adage. But, I read it over and over each time I drove to or from home....and yeah, both sides say the same thing....still, and it's been weeks.
So I really don't like it and it sounded kinda lame and full of milk. ...well.... here's where it gets into that idea that words are not merely words but something more...like my last post title... Frequency, was frequent sea.... and there have been many instances of words being much more than just words....they are vibrations and this so called frequency....
well, just yesterday, there was this moment where I again read this rather boring sign... thinking how that the boss man would indeed help us through our trials....and man, there have been plenty as of late.
"No, read it again." He would say.
So, yeah...I read it again in my head....'sees us through them...'
Sees us.
Not as in, watching or helping us through them...but sees who we are....sees who we truly are when faced with these trials. Sees everything when we lay ourselves bare and lay all upon him...because who else could carry them?
Seas us....crashing like waves and we are cleansed from our masks.... trials....try alls........ I'm telling you this is my life and it couldn't be more beautiful living by the sea.
And this brings me to Avatar...in seeing each other as we are....

May I continue? ...I was browsing through this magazine...you know, the kind that seems interesting, but you keep turning pages every 4 seconds to see if anything at all strikes your fancy, but it doesn't...well, I was caught up by one post....yeah, just one in the whole magazine....go figure...it was talking about how people exchange gifts for the winter solstice, call it yule, christmas, I don't care..., point is, the post kept on rambling about how the divine is silence...and I was thinking how the divine is also vibration...and the waves are both and its all correct...even though the author kept on about silence is divine, silence is truth... whatever dude, it-He-we are both... and I was shown that the other night....before I even read that article.

I'm not totally sure how to explain it really.... think of your body....and envision sound waves coming from it... like ripples on water....or something...I can't give you an imagination...
anyway...they come in and go out from us, like a radio antenna.
You have the vibration of the ripple/sound and in between those you have the stillness/silence. It's a pattern.
So boss man was showing me that when we try to take over and gain control of a situation/person it triggers our emotions (E motions, energy motions) to a different frequency, that they cause the smoother ripples to shake out of balance, like splashing would cause peaceful ripples to lose their path/shape/smoothness.
We need to not worry about stuff guys....he's been on the same frequency all this time and helping us tune in and I don't know why we keep changing the channel.
random thought....you do know what a channel is don't you..?....or you can think of channeling....
Stop making waves...that's not your job. Haha....I'm thinking of tons of puns now. 'Don't rock the boat. Don't make waves. The coast is clear' .... I need friends....lol.

I helped Santa Clause shop for bells today at work. I was gonna ask if he was still taking requests for Christmas, but chickened out. Dude, I'm working...anyway...I was gonna ask for hubby's back to be better and for him to get a really good job that doesn't suck and he can do...cause I don't like working somewhere not at home.
Anyway.....it's almost crunch time for my at home work stuff....and of course tomorrow is shot...and all I have is Friday after work. Unless I can convince myself to get up early and go pick up a t-shirt at the store...haha...that's funny.
I should be working on my book (chapter 24!) but guess what I'm doing....writing about insightful dealings...
and I had a dream about the word transcend....with a tree in it.... not sure how that connects yet...trans send...trans end...transcend...higher frequency probably. ..hmm... trans means across/beyond/through.... beyond end? idk.

I've seen light waves before....and there's no better way of making you think your eyes are spazzing than to see light waves... They have bands of light (similar to ripples) and in between those...you guessed it, bands of darkness. And they move fast, so fast that you try to catch them in motion, but they've already gone way past where your eye stops...it's pretty cool...but I bet it wouldn't be all that great if it stayed that way...you would probably think you were hallucinating.

yeah, I'm wavering in subjects here.
so, I'm gonna go then. Maybe get some sort of sleep and let the world take care of itself tomorrow while I'm trapped at one job, and somehow sew all these tee shirts Friday afternoon.

A...frequent sea...of sound waves....? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

He held me like a child and I laid my head upon his shoulder. "Nothing's wrong." I would say, but there wasn't any joy in those words. Perhaps the weariness of these waves pounded too hard against these walls recently. Those soft sunny days and warm breezes were being missed. We knew the tower would always stand and we knew the sun had to come out again, but maybe even though I hadn't forgotten that, I sighed with this burden.
But that wasn't it, or not all of it. "Are you ashamed?" He would ask.
Maybe. Maybe, what did that really mean after all? Ashamed of being this tower and scoured with the force of these waves, from this ocean? Embarrassed for making these choices, those choices, picking those options, choosing wrong, or choosing right? Would any choice be the correct one? A lighthouse wasn't meant to stand upon the sunny fields, or dance upon the colorful flowers. A lighthouse, a star, a river, a child.... was meant to have it all.
"Are you happy now?" He asked. right now...at this moment...this moment while I hold you close and whisper in your ear? While my arms hold you firmly upon the rock?
"Yes. I'm happy right now...right at this moment..."
"Then be happy now." He said. Happy in this moment. Now. And this moment. Now. And this moment. Now.
And that old illusion of time drifted away...and all troubles were forgotten, and all issues were laid to rest upon that rock. And none of those choices ever mattered, those decisions could never be wrong, and wrong doesn't exist, and shame can't exist either unless you think you're all alone.
Tell me why He does this? Takes these warped shadows and shines them into nothing...no thing. Reminding this forgetful child that shadows don't exist if you are looking at the sunlight. Blinded by that kind of love. And you'd never know what that was until you turned away from your own shadow.


I've said too much. And I ponder the sound of my own voice. The mind can't speak with words what it was meant to say with thoughts. Vibrations can't be found upon the tongue, and there's no way to find my brothers and sisters by saying such things or writing such things...and all I can hope for is that they can find me and overlook any stupid words that spill out from this mouth. This fleshy bit of manifested creation that always fails to really say what it means to. And this child cries upon the Lord's shoulder and He smiles. He is totally not mocking me...is he?
"No one was ever meant to speak with the heart." He snickers. "Why do you keep trying to?"
maybe because lips say the wrong things and the head is even worse. And so he'll say something about speaking with lips 'from' the heart, but even that gets transmitted the wrong way.....ugh.
"Hearts don't speak. They beat like the pounding of the ocean." He whispers. He looks away, out somewhere, pondering maybe?

what? and this tear covered child looks at him silent....hearing those beats inside his chest....
This is a safe place. Here. Now. In THIS moment. And the waves crash hard....and I'm in His arms.

"You can always find me here." He says.
Here. Now. In THIS moment.


So....what's right with the world....? Yeah, just everything.
on Chapter 24 and on the last stretch of storyline before the big fun read through proofread takes up many hours of my day.....because yeah, I start reading my own book and enjoy it because I often don't remember writing 80% of it....though I do know what happens in the end. :) if you can call it that?? ;)
And working for other people isn't too bad, though 5 hour shifts are much more enjoyable than anything longer than that.
Sewing work....actually on schedule (can you believe that?) and I hear the wind is blowing like crazy outside...yeesh. I like wind though.
Thanksgiving tomorrow and I don't have to cook! yay. but I do have to go to work...uh..yay? doesn't matter really though, just a day of the week, and I get to do thanks-giving everyday.
let's see.....I'm kinda mad that my favorite cat is awol. And if he comes home he is going to go through shock at taking a crash course in 'indoor cat only status'. Otherwise, when finances become more like paying bills instead of hoping to pay bills....I'm going to bring home two kitties and they will be indoor only kitties....and our current 'I like to be indoor only' cat Foxy will finally have someone to play with.....assuming that she approves of at least one of them. And they are going to be youtubed and photographed alot for creative endeavors....because it's not like I have anything else to do.

um...yeah, blah blah, other stuff...and if you really want to know, you'll just have to ask me.

Let the storm rage on....the cold never bothered me anyway....

"Do you not trust me?"
Maybe He said it or maybe I said it for Him...but either way, there's a lesson within it.
'Let It Go' keeps playing in my head all day and throughout the night. I'm rather thankful I don't know all the lyrics for this reason.
We had a conversation about the trees the other day and I'm still contemplating what all He meant by what He said. Trying to grasp at the treasure inside those words....and 'Let It Go' starts playing the chorus once again....
Even that dreaded horoscope that flashed on my facebook page mentioned the same thing....synchronicity at it's finest....and I know that voice.
And again....today that same voice and I smile every single time I hear Him, because there is no other sound more beautiful.
The leaves, the leaves that fall upon my driveway, and the yard, and the roof, and everything....I love these leaves. Our shedding of the old ways, the burning away of everything that is not Us...and the trees are filled with a fire of color. And they fall away, like our failures and our burdens, and our doubts will surely fall away. We can trust upon the spring, trust upon a new season, and trust that He will reveal our treasures in His time.

That almost sounded lame up there ^^ ^^ not the meaning but the use of those fancy words other people use....going to have to elaborate more on my content and vocabulary....Ugh, the trials of independence and non-conformity are pressing hard this day.

What's new....well, let's just say nothing actually 'new', but something along the lines of that burning up of the old...and this is a good thing, I totally trust in that.
There it is again.... 'that' song....and sometimes 'Everything is Awesome' starts adding a few lines in here and there. I love His sense of humor.

I'm on chapter 23 of my book, so that is going well at least, and Mr. Clean is doing a fine job of cleansing and spending quality time with me too. I feel all loved and not neglected.
2 Orders I hope to finish tonight, possibly make it to chapter 24.... Laundry, dishes, dinner, and a work day tomorrow... :P not sure if I like working for someone else, lol. temporary, temporary....I can totally do this... there's no song for stamina...

Lighthouses aren't built to fall

Cryptic....and I'm not sorry to do it to you.

I stand firm upon the rock and unwavering against the waves. The water isn't even cold anymore. Almost...almost like a massage....a message. Pulsating...throbbing with this beaming light. A lighthouse with walls painted of dreams, joy plastered to the walls. Stones of strength....
....and why can't that be enough?
I see him trembling. His foundations rocking to and fro with every wave. I see him fight against the sea. Cursing the waves and gasping for breath from the chilled waters. Does he not know he too stands upon the rock...can he not remember? I watch and I lift him up....
....and why can't love be enough to bring him up from the depths?
What good is our love if it doesn't reach out far enough? What good is the presence of a lighthouse if our light fades into the fog and our dreams can't give hope to those who need it and our joy can't give joy to those who need it, and our strength can't give strength to those who need it....and why....why can't our love be enough.
Love conquers all....no.... only His love conquers all....and ask me how I know....
Ours can't lift them up from the sea. Can't lead them to shore. Can't carry them to safety, and doesn't bring them home. All it does is endures. It carries us, it holds onto and keeps shining out, without favor, without end.....and maybe....maybe if they see..... maybe if they would have it, if they could recognize it.....then maybe it could lead them to Him too...and they can carry that love....cause that's all that is sustainable.
Has he forgotten you? And the lighthouse isn't bright enough to lead him to you, no matter that there's a neon sign on the door that says "Enter within" and there's no easy way to say that he has forgotten you and has forgotten himself and has forgotten me too. And when you tell me you are working on it, working on him.....I believe you...and omg you didn't ever tell me it would take this long, and is bound to take much longer, and I probably would have argued with you about had you told me that in the beginning.
But I know....he is stubborn. And the lighthouse knows he thinks the light is just a pretty star only there to laugh at him....but the lighthouse doesn't laugh. The lighthouse stands strong waiting for him to enter within. The lighthouse....even the lighthouse knows it would be useless without the light.
And deep inside at the base of the shore....I pound my fists and I crawl into the dark shadows and I make myself feel the cold so I can understand why he looks away. This lighthouse will never stop shining dammit. Because this lighthouse knows the love that lasts forever and everyone deserves a taste of it. Pound on waves...thundering crashing deafening waves....I will stand. And the light will light up your ocean and those who seek refuge may enter within and this light will endure....come. He is within.

And I can't show you the light. You can only find it for yourself.....and those of you who write your words not intended for anyone else to read.....know that that too is light....light in dark places....and I thank you for leaving personal journals in random places, lost and forgotten, and I thank God for making me not even read them until the perfect time, and know that you've brought me to shore.


Don't listen to a word I say.....The screams all sound the same..... Though the truth may vary, this....ship will carry our....bodies safe to shore.


found something....in this twilight... 'if He sent it...He would have signed it' theory.
well...His signature is on everything.... and now we are on to the next lesson.
thought you might like to know what I found the other day.

I feel the love... And I feel it burn... Down this river every turn

"Did you see what you did today?" He asks me while the sky is covered in a midnight blanket.
"No...?" I answer like a teenager, thinking if I had done something that might be perceived as wrong.
"I saw what you did." He smiles as he sends me images of myself....images of what I did do.
I played pretend real-life Minecraft with 5, 6, and 7 year old kids. I enticed one little kid out of the corner, as he was feeling disconnected with the others....and being that I knew he knows more than I could about Minecraft, I brought the subject up, as what would allow him to feel comfortable stepping away from the wall other than what he enjoys. Minecraft. Yeah, that video game with blocks, and creepers, and ender men. We started pretend building..and of course, everyone else wanted to know what we were doing...so yeah, they all probably knowing more about Minecraft than me, and started building as well. We made a tower, and laid tracks for a roller coaster. We all sat in the minecart and rode it too. We killed creepers and a few pigs so we could eat. We mined for diamonds and red stone and set up a crafting table to enchant our pick axes ans swords. We got some ender pearls and threw ourselves ...way over there. It was rather uneventful. But hey, the kid got out of the corner. I guess that's what the boss man was really concerned about.
Anyway, I get to paint a star.
"Add it to the sky." He says.

He's been catching me almost every day now. Every day. "How are you today?" He begins.
This is new. I like new.

I'm not sure why I came here. I suspected I would want to write about something....but no. I am not sharing much of anything lately. I think I'm just waiting for the right person to ask me.
Nothing to gripe about either. I'm complete.
I'm listening to itunes right now, and I almost forgot how inspiring some of my songs are. I don't get to listen much anymore, since I have a child who plays Minecraft on my computer during the time that I work, so i don't get music time. Will need to find a solution whenever I can focus on it....and afford it at the same time.
Recently, all I can focus on is book 3 of Angel of MidKnight. I'm on Chapter 18...like the very end of it...so I hope to have it written by Christmas, lol. We shall see. I want to go write now, but other than finding something (anything) to do here in internet land, I should be finishing up a dress I made and getting it packed up to be shipped.
I didn't even procrastinate on it...it just takes a long time to make.
I did turn down an order yesterday too. I was a bit on the fence about it, as we really NEED the money like you wouldn't believe, but I just can't take anything else on right now. I'm almost glad no one is buying right now. I'd rather be writing anyway. Taking pictures, learning songs on the piano, drawing, painting, ...listening to music while I lay in the driveway. <---- The good life right there.
I'm anticipating a self imposed vacation the beginning of November. So you will not find me online much except to write here on this blog if I get an inkling to do so. Probably not, as I only get that kind of urge in the middle of the night when I'm trying to fall asleep, and I'm too lazy to get up.

I've lost interest now, so I think I'm done.


Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars

Everything that kills me.....makes me feel alive.

Everything is awesome....

It is night and the stars are out...I think, I hadn't had a chance to go outside just yet.
This is going to be a rather quick post (I hope) because I've got some serious writing to do on Book 3 of Angel of MidKnight....I'm currently on Chapter 10.
In other news I recently made a stupid video for Hobo Patch, and ShadowDragon Dreams is going rather well. I'm hoping my recent new employees will keep up the good work and I hope they get quicker so I can not worry so much....

I want to explain myself a bit this very fine evening.
Isn't that a rare thing....explaining myself, like I have always done, but for some reason no one really understands what I'm saying. Nor do they listen. I've gotten used to it, and frankly, I really don't mind at all. I feel rather like a treasure....something kept hidden so no one steals its glory.
But anyway, we recently watched the Lego Movie.
Remember the part where they said that Emmet blended in so well that he was invisible..... that is me. Totally.
I can get along with anyone, even if I really don't like you. The way to tell if I don't like you is that you may only see me once....and if it's any more than that, I won't be around listening to you speak, doesn't matter what you are saying.
I can relate to many as well....even if I've passed that point of my life and now I think it's rather drab....or I haven't reached it yet and therefore think I'm invincible to it. Or I'm in it....and I understand, but don't talk about it because I'm still learning my way through and don't want to sound like a goon for thinking I actually know what I'm doing. Ha, I never know what I'm doing really.
Even if I'm really passionate about certain things, I'm to the point of not sharing my ideas because everyone is either sick of hearing about it, they don't care because it doesn't relate to them, or they really don't understand.....mostly it's the latter. So I remain silent, and when I get talkative, I still feel alone because everyone I know lives in this world.......and I do not.
I know a few people who don't, but I haven't met them...or they are on the other side already and are spared watching my shortcomings and failures and regrets.

What else.....I'm rather happy and joyful most of the time.....except when adults throw temper tantrums and being considerate and unable to waste energy, I let them. This drives me insane, however I just don't have the energy to give.

I've related people to a piece of star dust....and their star dust is wrapped up tightly below their layers and layers of whatever it is that they think they need....for many it is covered by fear...ego...regret...hate...doubt. I see this in them and I want to help them peel back the layers and rescue their star from the darkness....but they just don't want to allow it. They want to feel their rage.
So again...I feel like Emmet. Feel like you were a part of something, but really not....they didn't care if you were there or not... until you became special...and wonderful...and whatever else they said in that movie.
I don't want to be special though.......I want you to be.

I don't care what you think....as long as its about me.

ya know...I don't know how I manage to get things done on time.... hahahahaha.
Maybe a constant stroke of luck....maybe born with such a blessing. Yeah, let's go with that.
So things are busy as usual...but I'm finding time to reread books, finally manage to eke out character files on my own book so I know what color eyes/hair everyone has to has....no good if their eye color keeps changing.... Writing is just around the corner, though I hate saying that since I can't foresee the future unless it comes in weird energy vibes....then I can.
Visualization works by the way, but what they don't tell you is that you have to keep it up or what you visualize kinda stops....yeah...its like shaving your legs or washing your hair....
Been playing with reiki lately...very interesting....I'll give a more in depth explanation and review when I have more time under my belt...

Hitting up Six Flags next week with our free tickets! (yay free!) and possibly getting this ragout of hair chopped off soon! YAY! short hair! and probably dyed and made cooler looking that it currently is.
Then a tattoo...because I can...and I want. But I have to wait until after father's day so hubby doesn't think I'm rewarding myself. and all this relies on whether or not there's money to be used for such unnecessary expenditures.

Let's see....been diving deep into non-worldly things...but that is my life. And even though we don't get a real vacation this year, I think writing my book is going to be just as cool since I get to hang out with my imaginary people.

Photography wise....I'm 5 away from doing exclusively themed cosplay/costume shoots. I have a countdown going on my facebook page. After I hit 0 there' no going back :) So psyched!
otherwise......nothing I care to tell you :P

My new shop did really well for it's first opening sale....which is great, because now I can have something creative to focus on! (as if I don't have everything else to focus on with creativity anyway!) but I like to throw my energy in ten different places, hell why not, I feel ok this week.
and if these people actually call me back for a job (like in the 'real' world (psh)) that'll be something fun to use for networking...
And I seem to be expecting something lately, like an audition for something cool that I will be drawn to and will have to try to attempt that as well....but it hasn't come yet (thankfully!) but it's been on my mind...and this is where it gets hairy because of that synchronicity and visualization stuff that does work....hmm

and I will probably be in the market for a really good laptop soon.....since this computer (my really awesome good one that hasn't died on me yet and can run all my programs at once) is being hijacked by the kids so they can play minecraft.....too often lately....hmmm.

whatever...I'm off to go to work and sew up some Cinderella's and finish watching Shark tank and whatever else comes on tonight. and get a cup of coffee. I think I'll write you a story later :)

goodbye chippery feathers of puffer fish dandelions and coyotes.

we're on each other's team......but you've voted me out.

So...hello again.
Making this quick (we hope).
I'm rather not fond of this blog anymore and probably will avoid it for quite some time from here on out, or at least until I feel like it is doing more something...than...well, nothing.

Today is an odd day. I'm stuck again between that idea of all powerful 'I can do anything' attitude, and that rather sucky 'I am worthless' attitude. I'm contemplating doing some things that may or may not be risky....and frankly, I don't care. Things like unfriending 95% of my facebook friends who really are not friends...well....I have maybe 2 friends really, the rest (4.98%) are family. And I'm rather forced to keep them...maybe just the ones I actually know (a.k.a. I recognize their name and how they are connected)
Also things like getting a tattoo, cutting my hair, or random things like painting my toenails which is useless since I always wear shoes.
The world is driving me crazy and I have no one to take away the pooling flow of chaos.

Plan on cleaning this sewing room tonight and vacuum too. Then finishing a t-shirt because it is already 95% finished anyway, maybe prepping other things so when I actually get back home from vacation they'll be ready. Not that I'm not home already, but I don't feel guilty for doing nothing majorly productive work-wise the past 5 days. I think I will edit some cowboy pictures too....which I keep forgetting about :P
I will probably read a book I got yesterday too :) and get some straps hot glued to a pair of wings.
Tomorrow I need to water the garden in back and the flowers in front and who knows what else.

I think I will give up on everything too....business-wise, because I can't do it by myself and I need help and no one cares to help...so I guess I won't care either. I'll be like the rest of you who don't care and we can all not care together.
Or I can go and do a bunch of the hard work that I can do and then give up later because I can't do everything. So screw it.
This is what you have driven me to. I hope you are proud. We can all be worthless together.

Or I can sit around and wait for that wonderful moment of divine aspiration and watch things happen for me....but no. The boss man is out on vacation or something, doing whatever it is he does, while I'm whining here in the desert. I'm such a spoiled brat. Not sure why he puts up with me and I'm not sure why I keep acting this way when I know he's freaking busy getting some awesomeness prepared just for me...ugh. I hate waiting and I hate not remembering that I'm just a child and totally have a right to throw a fit.

I have a kitty on my lap. And he is so much cooler than you. Thank you all for your support....not. >:[



So there's this memory I have....and I can't seem to find them. But I know they will come for me. They'll find their way back. And maybe...maybe they will remember who they are...who I am. Because I can't forget. Wake up wake up....perhaps they're still sleeping. Wake up wake up. I miss them. I miss them all. Find me. Carry me up above the clouds and we can all dance in the sky together. Where are you.....I'm in the desert, come find me. The sands scour and the sun burns and memory doesn't fade when it holds onto that love....and I walk in this sea of endless stars....without you.

Growing flowers to give to your love.

I find it rather challenging. This task. This task of pouring out gold like there's no end. This struggle to locate every word hidden beneath the unending strain of humanness. There are words that do not fulfill the needs of the heart. The soul finds they lack and are not strengthened as they would be had it spoken them itself. Where are the words?
Today was Easter. Tomorrow is Monday. Here we are caught in the midst. And where are we? Caught between where we've been and where we are going. Caught between home and home.... The place we come from, the land of honey and sunshine, with a river that runs through it. Trees, and the Gardener. There is a grand city there. They say the streets were paved with gold...but oh, gold is wisdom, and the streets in color appear as an opal glass. The angles stand proud and tall. Taller than our weaknesses. And they stand with a spear. Not to fight, not for war, but as a symbol of triumph. The arrow pointing to the sky above.
The place we come from....this is only a very small piece that lacks in many ways due to our inability to perceive it all. There's so much more. And the place we are going to...home. Where in the day we are graced with the gardener's smile. And it is always day. This never-ending dance of the stars. Never in the dark.
Yet here we are. The in-between, where we get to love madly, and stumble, and fall, and love deepy. And glimpses of home, and glimpses of seeing that we chose to be caught in the tides of presence. And we forget where we came from, and we forget where we are going....and we fear we are lost in this darkness. But the darkness is not without its stars.
Hands dip into the ocean and waves crash between the fingers, pouring out like waterfalls. Pouring pouring. Trying to take hold of understanding. Trying to take hold of what is much more than our hands can attain. So we dive, crashing into the sea, swallowed up and sinking, yet there's more water than we can drown in.
We flung ourselves off the cliffsides and sank deep into the abyss, we've soared across the galaxies and blazed grand like a sun. We've danced, we've sang, we've cried, and fought, and gave in, and gave up, and still we can not hold all that there is. Still we can not see or hear or feel all that is. Except....except in one name.
If there be anything that contains everything, that is all....that is completion and beginnings and life without time and time without ends, and every aspect of love....the light, the night, the stars, the wind, the flashes of lightning, the thunders, the tears, the embracing and smiles, the fullness....the wholeness of all....if there be anything that is everything we know....and everything we've yet discovered...it will lie upon the face of the Lord.
And you can forget about your religion, and you can forget about your opinions, and your ideas of good or bad, and you can forget about what fear was, or anger, or hate, or confusion....these things can not exist when He looks upon you.....and let me tell you, you may not even remember what those things are.....you will only know that He is all. Every truth, every spark of light, every idea, every vibration, every wavelength, every being....and the source of every image of love.
And He will smile upon you. He will hold out His arms wide, and you will know nothing else but peace. And He will raise you high and there will be nothing else outside of Him. He is all. And He has you too.

Today was Easter...and it doesn't matter which day you write a love letter. And if you can remember.....you can go out and visit the gardener and see the garden. The sun is shining, the honey is pouring out, and the river flows across the land. Trees bloom......

Invitation to another world

I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map....And knew that somehow I could find my way back.
Then I heard your heartbeating, you were in the darkness too......So I stayed in the darkness with you.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out.....You left me in the dark.
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight.....In the shadow of your heart.

The other morning.... a gift came to my door. Mind you it was rather early...early to me...and I was in fact in bed. So the doorbell rang, and my body immediately responded....jumping into action like 'oh, doorbell!' and my mind was like 'aaaahhhhhhh someone's going to die!'...and grumbling I got up to answer the door.
A black man...with glasses hands me a flyer thing....and says he's from so and so church and they are having some special Easter service thing-a-ma-jig...the messenger isn't the point....so long as you got the message. So I got this flyer, yeah, whatever, said thank you all nice like, cause he was nice and he did apologize in case he woke me up....close door, walk into kitchen...happen to read said flyer...well, close it back (it was folded like a card) and on the front...there it is...the gift.
And just for some pretense...I'm rather blunt with the boss man...and sometimes I feel like I scare him away, and he doesn't much pay attention to little ol me and my immature antics cause I'm still learning and I'm hard headed. And I'm impatient....though I try not to be...but I really can't help it. Once you've had a piece of heaven it is really freaking hard to pretend like you can wait to get another piece. Well...anyway....there's this journey I'm working on and I've been waiting for this particular item for quite some time now. Might not seem like a long time in the path to eternity and all...but I had almost either forgotten about it, or thought it was just another 'thought' that wouldn't come to pass in reality.
Well....I got it that morning...and once I read it, there was that odd silence in your head where you feel that tinge of epiphany and coincidence and can't do anything to hold that creeping smile from invading your lips. Ooooh, yes, that feeling like you really aren't living in your head, because you are holding it in the flesh, in your hand, and again you remember what really matters and what's really real, even if you're the only one that thinks so.
"You Are Invited" and that was all I needed.

I'm trying not to consider that the date on it was for the 14th. (Monday) cause that just happens to be the day before that other day.... which you could educated yourself about if you watched youtube videos and such...not that all those are true, but entertaining nonetheless.
I'm rather happy because of this said occurrence, and there's probably a few more thing-a-ma-jigs I've been awaiting, but sometimes I have really cool days.

In other news....work is totally sucking. I'm far behind and I go into these internal debates of whether or not my mental well being is at stake and whether it really is important whether or not I do a certain task now or later. Either way I win.... I'm not sure what I'm debating. Things get done eventually. Bummed that there's just a lot of things. Vacation coming up soon. So I keep telling myself anyway.

There's been a very odd vibration happening lately and I don't think I like it. Unsettling it is. Not the bad feeling stuff, but the unsettling kind...the kind that means occurrences in life similar to earthquakes, eruptions, and thunderstorms on a worldly scale.... like in your life, not on earth...unless you consider yourself earth..... ... yeah, I'm confusaling you. sorry.
Looks like we'll be in for a very turbulent ride for a bit. And this will be okay. Should be fun.
Like 'stopping by a music store and spending 300 dollars just because' kinda of fun. Or buying a part for something only to realize you need the more expensive part instead...just after you go to that music store kind of fun. Or having a kitten sniff your armpit like it is catnip and laugh because its funny and then he bites you there too kind of fun. ...oh there's so many more types of fun out there. I'm excited. Not because I like the frustration....but I do like the challenge. And you can't get to the boss man at the end of the game unless you complete each level. Of course, this particular boss man doesn't need defeated.....you do. It is ourselves we need to conquer. Our own frustrations, our own fears, doubts, illusions....and lies. Conquering ourselves in order to remember what we really are. And this is why thunderstorms are exciting, and why earthquakes are amazing, and eruptions are spectacular displays. Because we are such displays, we are these things....and what is a starry sky without a comet, or a song without vibration, or color without light. Let us be joyous in our trials.


Ugh, sorry, didn't mean to sound all blah blah fancy talkish. Too poetic I suppose. Anyway, watch for your invitation, make sure it's signed, and I'll see you at the banquet, I'll be by the fruit...or wherever the boss man is.

Later tators of green pickled strawberry patched kids., going to bed, and tomorrow I'm going to sew and play with this new thing we got from the music store.

'The keys to the back door can be found in the earth'....no idea what that supposed to mean.

We are so broken. Shards of colored glass, with our jagged sharp edges and harsh corners. We cut, we slash, we find our way through the mess but leave a bloodbath where our footsteps have been. Us, the broken and shattered...and who will put us together again?
Stained. Red with blood, green with envy, like christmas. Who puts us together and hangs us upon a wall and calls us a beautiful stain-glass window?
Reflecting the light....reflecting, being transparent perhaps...but the light that travels through is also as broken as we are. Why do we block out so much of the light...and only a tint of it gets through?
We are one. One welded together in a frame, all of us broken pieces. Yet divided one from another. Who is it that could make us whole?
Like a coloring book, where every part is divided by a big black line....a big black line....and even if we are colored in, the picture gets colored, but we are still alone. Where are the black lines that divide our hands from our world? That divide us from one another? That divide us from something larger?
Is there any at all? Yet, we are divided.

Our front doors are locked, barricaded, masked, hidden, and covered....we don't want anyone to come in. What are we guarding that is so important? Why must we live alone?....
And the back door? Mysterious. How do we find the key? We leave it available, but with only a small lock....where is the key? There must be a way in. A way to reach them, to reach ourselves, to reach others.
Help me find the key....we are running out of time.


B U S Y. and I'm not liking that word very much. This whole week will require undivided attention. And the glass maker is going to have to meld us together because being stain-glass isn't working out, no matter how nice it looks. Let's just take the windows out and tear down the house while we are at it. I'd rather be outside where there are no doors, and there's only the gardener, and garden, and the flowers, and the stream.
I could post a list of what my days will most likely look like....but no, it doesn't matter. What gets done will get done, and what doesn't, doesn't. I'll do the best I can.

I could post a list of plans for the future....but even those tend to change from one to the other depending on the circumstances. I guess it depends if I feel bad that day.
ah yes...always at the mercy of the flesh. Just can't keep up with my aspirations.

Anyway...yada yada... Be sure to stay away from dairy (cheese, milk, maybe eggs too...) for the next few weeks. My youtube girl is predicting stuff. and well, I believe her...dairy is evil.
Think I'll go gather some biophotons today and hang out with some geomagnetic electrical grounding currents.

you say it best....when you say nothing at all

It was frazzled and frayed out like it was cast through a whirlwind, tiny fibers sprawling every which way. Nothing calm in it's demeanor or appearance. There it lay on the side of the road in the rather littered grass. A feather, whitish gray with a darker tip. This poor frayed feather that seemed to be screaming, that seemed to be twisted from a chaotic experience.
A gift. A gift just so happening to resemble the frazzled mess I found myself in. I do love how He sends these gifts, and knew right away how grateful I was that He still remembers me, not that He forgets...but that I often do.
I picked it up and smoothed out the frayed feathery fibers. It took shape, from a tattered mess back into a rather beautiful feather. Smooth edges and able to carry the wind....able to fly. A beautiful feather full of peace once again, serene and calm. A feathered that reminded me of how we are. Sometimes challenged to the point where we find ourselves on the side of the road in a tattered mess with more questions than answers and more prone to see our frustrations rather than our blessings. But us....us who are repairable back to perfection, us who can take His hand, His gift, His love, and smooth out our own rough edges....find ourselves in that peace once again, serene and calm. Able to be carried by the wind....able to fly.

And these are the moments I get to have. We all could have if we just see. Gifts to carry us through everything. Everything.

Can't stay long as it is already late and still a dress needs finished to ship out tomorrow. But I had to make time for the story. The story of my day which really wasn't much of anything compared to one little feather. And how our lives aren't much of anything compared to Him. I'm such a sap sometimes....and I don't always make sense and I often don't designate names, and I often talk on thoughts based on numerous theologies and non theologies and science, and the future, and the present, and the stars, and the rivers, and those I call my very good friend, Mr. OMG INCREDIBLE, Batman, The Joker, Mr. Clean....and numerous others I can't recall right now. And really though, none of that really matters when you get humbled by a feather and you remember how awesome this life is. And the chaos....bless the chaos, because you'll never get to see the gifts without looking down every now and then.

Must go....will write again soon. No weird dreams unless you count a little boy who was a ghost and like to scare the crap out of me in my dream, wolverine, a lady who kept throwing up green stuff (like projectile vomiting! It was so gross)...other than that, I got nothing dreamwise. Lots and lots and lots of work to do, a few things to take care of this week, and trying to remember to work on that manifestation again...I slacked off and well...so did that stuff I was working on manifesting...ugh. And more work. Trying to hold out until my vacation in May. <--- new biz improvement right there...see I got something done! :)

Ideas in space.

oooooooohhhh.... can you not feel it. it's happening. I've yet to see the blue smoke, thank goodness...but how long will we have until it piles out into the sky.
and these dreams....how they come in like a tsunami. ... a love story, and an assassination. What lies ahead in the next night is just another clue.
Can't you feel it? ....the energy is throbbing and building up and these little things you hear about in the news are all forerunners....things that are not truly important...but used solely as a distraction of the more important truths.... sleep little sheep...sleep....off to slaughter you are walking.

I watched some videos on astrotheology the other day (still working on the rest) and I'm a bit concerned. The guy is a genius and he is correct in just about all of it from a scientific theology point of view...all except 1. You see....the idea is that the universe is writing us...writing god, writing everything.... that everything is created by the universe/sun/star/light....which he refers to as God. In part that seems legit...but I digress. I'm guessing he has never met the Lord face to face. For if he had, he would know that it is Him that writes the universe, not the other way around. Just my thoughts. Very good videos though and rather intelligently put together. The guy is a genius, he just hasn't reached the point of going beyond what the eye can see. He'll get there.
Anyway. Reading this one book about a similar subject....but even it is a little off in their explanations of certain enlightened writings....I think the author is thinking too much. Should have just rewrote the writings and let the reader figure them out themselves....as everyone's perception is going to be different. ...kinda like reading the bible, lol. Should have just left it in the original language and let people translate it themselves....because certain translations are not as kosher as they seem.
.... thinking I shouldn't share my dream....as it involves an assassination (though not who you would probably expect) but it was weird. It was one of those things that happen before things 'really' start to happen. Kinda like today's news.... just be aware people...don't believe an illusion.

Know what that astrotheology guy said that stood out to me...that if you wanted to start a war and win it...start it on the spring equinox. .... although these videos were made years ago.... it seemed coincidental that we are approaching such a time...and we are right on the doorstep of such a predicament. But I also realize I had that love story dream first....and I really don't think we are going to have to worry about it. Our knight in shining armor was there all the way through the troubles...and in the end, sealed with a kiss.

Did I tell you how much work I've got? A lot. and I'm working on a new shop too....although I find it very hard to keep myself from buying fabric for it. Fabric I love, and couldn't buy before because I can't use that kind...and now I can, but I can't buy it, because I'm not sure how well I'll make money from the new shop just yet....argh....I love fabric. But I do have some I can list to start it off and see how well it goes...and I can use the funds from it to buy fabric!!! AAAAHHH! Like a shop solely to feed my addiction!! :)
And going to make big changes in my photography business here soon (I have 1 photo session that needs done first) before I can actually proceed with a vengeance. But regardless...I really don't care if I make money with it anymore, so long as I get the pictures I want. Yay! another business doing what I want instead of what others want! Go me!

Probably sell some of my gear too, which will pay for things like costume stuff! YAY!

And my book...dying to start on book 3!!! so I can get the story done (assuming I don't do book 4 separately) and then I can start on the opposite one that I dreamt about!!! Eek!
I'm such a dork!

And I think once we get this stupid Jeep fixed that I might just sell it. ugh...dead battery again!!! then I can pay off a bill or 2 and then go buy a new vehicle afterwards. Broken cars are not cool.
Must go clean house....then do laundry, dinner...then work work work...survivor comes on tonight and maybe I'll get to watch it this week...while working of course.
later peeps.

Inside out...inside out and outside in. Mirror.....look on the other side...

And we'll never be royals... we crave a different kind of buzzzz.........

Ooooh oh oh.... but we are. Royal...at least that's the way it feels...when you remember who you are. Yes, just like in the Lion King.

"So you have found your way." aaahhh...yes, not the words, but how He says them...with the truth that He never needed to drag us towards Him. This lesson in carrying ourselves....us stubborn children who get tired of walking and just want to be carried. Please carry me...carry me...pleas of not wanting to do anything but rest.....but He doesn't wait...and we walk on anyway. This lesson in walking forward....toward..... not that we need Him to carry us....but we need Him to have somewhere to go. Somewhere better...much better....and we don't even have to leave our home.
This is truth...because I was there with Him, and I heard Him....and I was merely laying in my front yard. How easy it is to just be there....and this time...this time....the veil was gone....or perhaps I was looking through a hole in it....and again....remembrance....forgetfulness is our human curse.

A different kind of buzz.... indeed we crave something other than all others. They would never understand. They couldn't...until it is what they crave too. Who are we....our kind....who crave what only our inner eye and our inner ears can hear. All else could fall away....and we would still have something to gain in Him.


Big plans...but sometimes they fall into stagnate waters. And I fail to rescue them....but idly watch them rot. Big dreams....but the world doesn't want to play with me. Big hopes....but I'm a firm believer in things working out for themselves and providing a path for me....hope has nothing to do with it. Maybe it's faith instead...doesn't really matter what you call it.
and then there's something....


oh well...I just ordered a book some may consider not along the path of righteousness....ha. we shall see..... shouldn't be as incredulous as 'the secret' psh. Even attracting things for real is way more legit than what that book related to.
Work, more work...but I have a system that seems to be working ...ok-ish. I'm still tweeking it.
Sleep....is on my mind, so I have to go...meant to really write something today...but I got sidetracked and decided to spend 45 minutes on amazon looking up books.....which I did buy one....well..I got it for free actually.
Anyway.... must go.

......let me live that fantasy..

yada yada....need to reloate info...

So I'm borrowing this time away from the 'things I should be doing that are of more importance' in lieu of writing instead. Aren't we so blessed.
So I has this really good blog post I've been working on in my head, but by the time I come to actually write it, those thoughts have done passed and no longer mean the same thing. What a pain it is to start anew each moment, sort of like nothing really ever gets finished...only restarted over and over. We are in that tunnel looking for the light at the end, but alas.....it's not a tunnel and the light is only the moon hanging high in the dark sky. We aren't moving at all....well, around and around perhaps, but not upward.
And what is this idea that we have to move upward anyhow? We could dig a hole and go downward....wouldn't that be just as amazing as forward or backward, or even inward, outward...upside down and inside out. Let us reckon with these directions.....if we only would just remember we are already everywhere. These signs wouldn't be so confusing.

So yeah, I wrote that 3 days ago and can't remember where I was going with it...what was that about losing track again...ugh.
Let's just do a quick yearly update and then go on to something more in depth introspective or something...

So it's been about a year now. This process of deschooling and unschooling. A big jump from homeschooling, or a tiny step, I guess it depends on which aspect you are referring to.
I can confirm that it is working much more smoothly than expected. And looking back on this journey, homeschooling is for those wishing to incorporate the worlds policies into their lives. The kids may not ever be taught long division, but they do know how to find the answer. They still could locate a country on the map if they needed to, and if they felt like it they could tell you the capitol and what it looks like there....because they know how google works. The girl has started her own business in craft making...set up her own etsy store...takes her own pics, uploads and edits them too....and has learned to use the paypal account and send invoices, as well as print shipping labels. Did I mention she also makes her own tags...
She can draw rather well....especially foxes and birds, since she spent her time researching and practicing...heck she still seems to research things....now if she could get to the point where she pays for all her supplies herself, this will be considered successful. Being 12...she reads more than me, on her own...she can spell better than most of us nowadays too. She knows more about birds than any of us...and probably foxes too. She has the ability to start on projects without delay.....ah, if only we all had that kind of drive....and time of course. Patient and kind when the mood strikes...blunt...honest...a bit harsh at times... Being twelve is awesome.
The boy...the boy....the boy can build anything with legos...though I do wish they weren't so costly. The boy knows everything about Assassin's Creed...and has researched what the new game is about even though he doesn't have it yet. He's planning. The boy recently made his own costume props to match.... oh, so he is crafty...when he chooses to be...though I've come to realize he's only chooses to be when he can't negotiate with me or sister to do it for him. He's going to make a great boss or company CEO oneday. This boy thinks not only outside the box...but crushes the box and makes someone else figure out how to make it better....his way. Like not a box at all, but a sphere...with points...that shoot throwing knives and is invisible.
The boy who is turning ten in a few weeks. Who wants a dagger (yes a real one) and roller skates....and the Assassin's Creed game he doesn't have....and more Ninjago legos.
can he read, of course...assuming he can't swindle you into reading it for him. Can he do math, of course...really well actually....long division...probably not on paper, but I would bet that he can do it in his head better than you can on paper....and anyway, he knows how to use a calculator. Spelling isn't his forte...but its getting better all the time....he hates writing....but this too will come to fruition when required. Patient and Kind.....all the time...and every kitty will find a safe place within his arms, unless the kitty is bigger than him, in which case he will sit down and let the kitty use him as a bed. Negotiable, so long as he gets the upper hand. He'd rather not draw straws, but talk you into doing it for him...because this other thing he needs to do is more important. Watch what you say...because he'll remember...even 5 years later...that you told him he could have this or do that...or something that you forgot about....luckily he doesn't lie...he doesn't have to. Because he remembers more than you and he'd get it regardless of your attempts to sway him. Watch what you say....the boy can hear through walls....or floors, or ceilings....or from 500ft away.....or he can read your mind...I haven't figured out his secret just yet.

We still do fun learning things....like science experiments, field trips, craft projects, random things we call 'classes', like photography class, or art class, or swimming class. And there's taekwondo....who still use the idea that school means something.....isn't learning supposed to mean something instead?
No they don't run wild...no they are not disrespectful, yes they clean up their messes...eventually. Yes they learn, yes they are awesome. Unschooling works, if you are willing to step out of the way.

Business is better than it was last month. Still too busy though. This issue needs fixed. I foresee another year too full of work unless something changes.
Renting out property sucks. Waiting to get other house rented or sold here soon....have to go up Saturday...may find a taker...but alas...this is tinged with a hint of dread....as first and foremost it is cold up there....

What else....we have a kitten that needs a home! We haven't really been able to find a name for him...nothing is sticking..ugh. Today is it Koda. He needs someone to love him and be patient with him, since he's a tad skittish, affectionate, aggressive...at different times of the day. He does like to be held...until he hates to be held. He uses the litterbox, but doesn't understand that he needs to bury his poop. He has gas sometimes, which stinks really bad....maybe he needs a special diet or type of food. Pretty blue eyes though, soft fur, and just had another flea treatment. Ready to go except for not being neutered yet (waiting on one of the boys to drop)

Income tax will be coming soon too, which is great, cause I would love to get this blasted truck paid off.
Camera may go in the shop soon too to get a free cleaning before my warranty expires. I'm going to be sad...and it better not take too long.
Need to go grocery shopping....but I guess I would need to sell something first! Come on people, pay for your order please.
Working on the last dress of a big order today....omg, no more discounts for multiple orders....maybe that needs to be part of my business 'change'
Other things in the mix still need resolutions...and praying this is the year they get found.
Taking the coming weekend off of sewing work....besides going up to the other house, going to do other things, like plan my new garden boxes, and start Book 3!!! and play some piano. :)
Might do that photoshoot I've been planning too....assuming I still have my camera.
oh...I gave hubby my birthday list...lol.... Fish eye lens, macro lens, infrared filter, wide angle lens, and a new camera bag. !!! Yay! So long as I get the fish eye and infrared I'll be happy! :) I'm going to go hunt for UFO's! YES they do exist! might not be actual aliens, but the anti-gravity crafts exist...because I've seen them...up close and personal...not cool...not cool. But yeah, I'm gonna look for them anyway...so when there's a bunch hovering over the city, we can plan a last minute camping trip :)

let's see....I had so much to say in the last week or so, but I'm not in a introspective mood.... :/ dang it...Bruce Lee was gonna be in it. and it was about going into management........oh oh oh...and I have an idea....but I need like $50k and a building to use. sigh.

anyway...blah blah blah....goodbye goldfish fritters, talk more later maybe....or something...