Philosophy of writing

As above, so below.
As within, so without.
As the universe, so your soul.
_______________________________________

Ever get overdosed with something?
Absorbing so much that it makes you want to puke.
Like eating too much of something and then you regret it later on.
Then you realize you don't actually like what you ate in the first place.
And you wonder why you gorged yourself.
Or why you had to have just one more serving...
Just why...
there's the good and the bad and you still find your attention drawn in.
but you don't get the reward.
other than the knowledge and acknowledgement that you wasted your time.
that you abused your time, actually.
you abused your mind.
you abused your body, in the case that you ate too much.

so we sit here and reassess those actions
and take your attention and set it to intention
and make better choices for our time
for our mind
for our body, in the case of food.
and you don't waste time absorbing that which you can no longer absorb.
and you don't waste your mind rereading and relearning that which you already know.
and you don't abuse your body by eating more than enough, I'm mean really, the dog will eat the extra taco, yo. It's not going to waste.



and so everything 8 and below...
will have to go...
---
that includes facebook
.... I have all these cool groups...
but alas... the time has come for me to walk forward again
and I can't stay with them.
Time to venture into the dark.... I'll see you on the other side...
whenever you make it there.

---
that also includes farm heros saga...
dude, level 756 someodd...still hasn't gotten me anywhere...
but I do like the bulls that crash into the poppy things that look like little people.
---
and cooking.
I hate cooking. Why is this even a thing? Can't we all be plants or some shit.
---
I'm on the fence about stuff.
like objects.
I don't care for them, but I don't like empty shelves.
or empty walls.
... I do like empty countertops.... but do I ever have that...ugh NO!
---
probably other stuff I haven't yet realized needs to be listed here...


Chapter 29... just got there... but I haven't written anything for it yet, lol.
I'm struggling, because there's a lot of dialogue...and screenplays don't needs that much dialogue...and I keep telling myself this is a novel and they can talk all they want to.... but my brain is like, ok, that's enough talking, more action!
so now I'm like what can I add to make more action...lol. Fuck. I have a threesome going on, but it's not that kind of book with all the personal and private details...and you want more action, LOL!!!  Use your fucking imagination, yo!
So yeah... I need to probably add in some fighting scenes... but I currently do not have an antagonist...
(that's a bad guy)
I have some set up for the the next book... but not currently...
and I don't want to make anyone out to be the bad guy with everyone who's available...
hmmmm.
and I can't weaken any particular relationship between who I do have...
I in fact need to strengthen them... and that's hard to do without a bad guy...

no wonder we have bad people in the world.... it makes things work better...
I would be a villain, if I could choose my role. That sounds fun.

Okay...so shower... store... meeting at the math place... other store...
maybe something else...
meditate.
....until I find a solution, cook
movie.
write.
sleep.
work orders tomorrow.
and sometime this week I need to go to that horrible place I call Joann's.
cause it's October, yo! Halloween is here!....and I need to tweak my costume.
and Hobby Lobby has failed me with a matching grey fabric color.

who do you have to become...?

...
...
...
I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God.
...
...
...
Hey bible quotes 101.
Always make a good impression. 
_____________________________________

Where are the shadows?
Those that set definition between this or that?
Here or there?
Mine or yours?
Is or isn't?
When you become the light, the shadows retreat.
And everything that was apart from you becomes you.
The lines are no more. 
Only those set between your own radiance....

and there are times when you watch the others struggle...
like the light in the craft room, that likes to blink on and off...
there's probably a short in it... 
old wiring...
Just like the old chandelier in the living room...
You have to upgrade yourself, yo.
Replace those worn out mechanisms...
Replace those worn out thoughts...
those worn out actions...
those worn out dreams...
____________________________________


Chapter 28.
Half way through it... 
maybe only a few chapters left... ? ? ?
really depends if the characters are ready to stop going...
I'm afraid to say that I've already received glimpses of future stuff.
like... awesome shit... with more killing and bloody fight scenes...
It's good... So book 6 will be fucking badass.
Luckily I have the set ups for it already formed within the last book and this one...
so... yeah... good times, good times....
 Once I'm finished with book 5 however... going to finish Killian.
He is currently still being a lazy ass and enjoying Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.
He's even wearing a sweater... wtf...??!
I will just have to make up a story for him at this point...

Other stuff...other stuff...
that too.
_________________________________________

there's more on the way....
but the book is calling, it's past 9...so I gotta go.
maybe write more here tomorrow.
   


 

AtlantianAF

Shiny rocks.
MagicAF rocks.
Let me tell you how hyped up on energy I am at current.
...
like BraveAF BoldAF and EcstaticAF all wrapped into one.
and this energy took awhile to download..like an hour and a half...
'cause traffic, yo...
but holy fuck... I now realize there were manifestations and anomalies hounding me for a good hour while we perused shiny and expensive rocks.
Like the singing bowls....
Like the celestial quartz... oh my pretties, I will take one of you home...
like the world...

and like the raw uncut rose quartz I searched for, only to find it at the very last stand, which also happened to be the first...

oh...and then there was something strange...that came across to me like a seafarer that adored lighthouses....
"You're from water..." he said...
"You're from Atlantis. You're Atlantian." he added...
"Like a mermaid. With the crown and the bodice and the wavy part at the bottom, but not like a fish, but with legs." he tried to explain.
"You have that strength about you... And..." he says kindly...
"That's why you keep going looking for things to bring you home."
O_O

wtf is my life...
and I revisit this miniature chance conversation... either frustrated at myself for being
too introverted to converse more openly... or trying to figure out how in the world this whole conversation even began... ??
what the heck just happened....


sooo... besides the traffic, my day was pretty cool.
how was yours?

InsightfulAF

Where is the strength of a tree?
Is it in the trunk? Where most of it's matter lies compacted and squeezed
tightly into a pillar.
The roots? Holding fast to the earth and extricating nutrients from it.
The branches? Expanding outward into a marvelous beauty pageant.
The leaves? Where nourishment flows and comes and goes.
The seed? Where the entire tree exists in one small packet of molecular dna.
Oh no, dear one.
The strength of a tree lies in it's whole being.
Not the matter, the substance that it is wrought into being...
No.
The strength of a tree is its fortitude to allow the energy to move through it.
Allowing the energy to move the substance into its greatness.

And you. Where is your strength?
 ___________________________________________________

I spoke with a mighty guru today.
And I feel I've been gifted something from our meeting.
And this guru knows all the things.
All the things.
About the ether and the All.
About silence. Stillness. Calmness.
And I wonder what moves inside this guru to allow them such awareness.
I'm fascinated.
And yet still swallowing this water, trying to swim...
...and the guru...telling me to relax and float, and you will be carried...
the mind knows, but often forgets...
and the guru...tells the mind to stop and it does...
and this reminds me of the sea and the waves...
and being still and knowing.

the mind knows... but the mind cannot become.
only you can do that.
only you...can do it.
just do
just do.

I've been gifted to be in this presence. And my soul feels all this awareness.
And she stands in awe at how we came to be here.
And the ether worlds becomes realer then this one once again.
And we're home.
____________________________________________________________


--- (380,000 words...give or take)...Chapter 27...at least I will be there tonight. I have like a few more paragraphs to add, but I couldn't do it last night cause I was so freaking tired and didn't want to mess it up, cause it's a really good part and there's a lot to say. My characters are going through some awesome changes and becoming awesomeAF.
--- 4runner is washed and cleaned ..... needs waxed...
--- table is sanded. I'll do art on it when I figure out what I want. ...hmmm.... mandala?dragons?idk...
--- work orders were a lot this week, but finished them all... send me more for next week, yo!
--- house is clean... for the most part...like the parts I go in...
--- Free day at the zoo tomorrow and going to a gem show this weekend sometime... crystals, yay!
--- weather supposed to chill out next week, so maybe I can do something with yard.... like move trees around...and azalea bushes, and irises.
--- other stuff
other stuff
other stuff
or not cause nothing is better than being flexibleAF, and doing nothing is great with me.
--- script... Killian does not know what he wants to do with the rest of his story....so may just turn it into a short, got others waiting in line and once the book is done, I'll need something to write!
speaking of...I just added a whole other character to one possible screenplay that just makes it AmazingAF! Amazing what one little leaf in the middle of the road can accomplish! Thanks to that little guy there now exists a Queen of the Wild who cares for the creatures that dance around the firelight in the night. ... you'll see... it involves a violin and a fox... live action. Think Pan's Labyrinth meets The Dancing Tiger and they got thrown into Narnia.... yeah, something like that. Totally low budget but magicAF.
--- really need to go and revise my other screenplays...gotta finish this book first, yo..
Excited to read/watch my own screenplay... oy vey, I miss the characters in Laser Racers.

The wilderness is calling...

Times when there is nothing for me to write about...
I had this page open for days....days.
filling the page with blankness.
where to go, what to write, what to see....
Being an observer lately hasn't propelled the words forward.
only silence is obliged to take the stage.
transpiring in awe at the audience.
without words. without anything but its own breath.
and in this place it thrives happily to do just that.
just be.


Chapter 26 in book.
0 plans
we are waiting
waiting
letting the muck from the last wave settle
oh, how clear the water will be then...
the things uncovered and the clearness of what's before you.
(what is to be for you...)
crystal and serene
the clarity of the next move
this is what we are waiting for.

work orders tomorrow
glad more have been sent my way
balancing between being still and silent and taking bold action
waiting... for the time is near, but not yet
breathe...
let the roots form...
stay...

_________________________________________________________

 had a dream... last night
and my very good friend was there
... and the absence is felt in these waking hours...
it is, but it is not. not, but is...
what ground do we stand on if parts of you are across the veil.
where is your heart, afterall...
scattered across galaxies and handed out to strangers
halfway between what's inside you and what's outside you
knowing it's all you in the end
but not you.
you are what you love, not what loves you
...when you walk with the Christ through the garden and wake to be stripped of such presence...
and you can't understand why... and this child cries in the darkness, in the silence, because no one knows but those who were present. And everything is set against that moment...and everything must fall short of it.. and it does. And you carry it like a momento, but you can't display it, you can't tell it's story, you can't relive it, and you can't bare anything but the highest of all and the lowest of all... and stand in the twilight between them both.... and only we stand here. I.
____________________________________________________________

Let me tell you a story...
... where the wild things grow.
where they take root and flourish
they feed off the energies that you placed there
the time, the effort, the sweat, the love, the pieces of you that you left behind.
the wildness...it grabs hold and certainly holds tight.
it too loves what you have built, what you have provided.
and we try... we try to keep the wildness at bay...
we try to tame it.
we try to hide it, cut it away, trim it, suffocate it, rip it out, dig it up....kill it

---
"Oh but child... this wildness is you.
your boxes and your walls... your efforts and sweat and attempts to train it...
that thing you call discipline...
let me tell you how discipline works...
you follow orders, and you do as your told... and you stay within the walls that were built...
you play along and obey.... disciple of mine...
but behold...
chaos....

look at this glorious thriving life I've built for you...
Discipline...Disciple.... oh no dear one...
You are the Master now.
Grow wild, wherever and however you choose.
I did not tame you, or train you, or contain you.
I've created you to live fully and abundantly."
---

And these things ripple through your spirit...
when your life is a reflection of what you've built.
and you can try to behave and belong and look like you are with them...
but.... when you still feed the wild creatures...
they will come to eat, and make their homes, and flourish.
And you will be a haven for the lions and the lambs alike.
You will be home.


_______________________________________________________

fuck yes to all of that.
all of this.

Never know what you'll find buried....

I met another part of myself today. 
This person that I am, but sometimes lose or forget...and she disappears somewhere and I often do not recognize that she belongs to me. Parts of myself get in the way and bury her beneath layers of crud, control, judgements, doubts, fears, you name it. 
Sometimes I jump into the muck and discover her and am surprised each and every time. 
Why do I forget? She has more power than I. More bravery. More words that speak deeper truths than I can even comprehend. Yet I take my eyes away towards some fancy distraction and she vanishes. 
I recently chose to make myself my own best friend, like two days ago... and I discovered her once again. So I'm standing in awe that she still chooses me. 
Just today I found her and it revealed something she carries with her... an inner story I didn't know was my own... this opened a doorway before me that I realize I am capable of walking through. And I had it the whole time, but just couldn't see it. 
I couldn't see it... and it's beautiful. She's beautiful. 
 --- so I implore you... dig beneath your crud... down to the dark roots of those inner struggles and doubts and fears and whathaveyou. You might find something you've lost...or forgotten. 


^^ just a few things I actually share on facebook, but not with you.
Only because I start out everything with some sort of idea...and when prompted nothing is planned.
It just flows out....
and I was reminded of a few things today that were also forgotten, 
and that automatic writing shit kicked in for a short paragraph... that was interesting to know it still works when it wants to...when someone wants to speak or tell me something...
I'm honored they still think of me... even though I know they are gathering...
It may have been mentioned that it was a conference meeting...
And they are gathering...a lot of them. I don't think I know any of them, however I recognize a few that come to the council meetings... they are filling all the seats... all the seats... some are standing...they are all talking loudly. Anticipation floods the room.
they are here to learn something... something involving me, or one of my guides... it literately looks like a college class room that is over-filled. I'm down in front with my very good friend. Occasionally Athena will stroll by and answer my questions about what's going on.
She said they are excited. Would she elaborate on what exactly?.... of course not... 
None of them are talking to me, so I'm stuck believing I'm the guinea pig...like some sort of test subject...or anomaly. I can't say that I find this disturbing, I'm fascinated myself truthfully.
I suppose this meeting will occur shortly and if I'm not put to sleep, I might just share.
I find it interesting to read about other people's other-worldly adventures....if only they would share.. :/  

I'm near the end of Chapter 22
I have no idea where this is leading anymore... besides wrapping up a few B stories... I'm sure some whopping dramatic thing might happen eventually... but as of right now, I'm not sure... they are writing their own story at the moment.. I did think up a great funny part, but I keep laughing when I play it out in my head....sooo...  yeah...

Killian outline is still stuck, but I admit that I haven't focused on it. 
A few work orders tomorrow. A whole 1.5 hours! Wowsa! 
And money will find it's way to me tomorrow. 
and just so it's out there and the Universe knows, $200 more would also compliment the original $800 request....so me and my new best friend can go see Imagine Dragons. Support us, yo.
hey....
U n I verse
U and I verse
You and I verse
You and I turn....
One verse
One turn.
You and I ....dance?
playing with spells...that's all.

oh shit, it's past nine.... got to go, it's writing time!
not that this isn't writing......
book time!
yay!
 
 



 

I couldn't find you today...

So fill to me the parting glass...
and drink a health whate'er befalls.
and gently rise and softly call...
goodnight and joy be to you all...
__________________________________________


I made a goal list...
but not a 'goal' list...
fuck that.
I made a 'this shit will be handled asap' list.
with a pretty = sign next to it...
and on the other side of the equal sign is the word
VACATION

not that I'm not always on vacation...
but it means that I can choose to go somewhere on a whim..
not that I don't do that anyway... ..hmm..
this may be confusing, lol.
wait... maybe it's more of a list to get those things handled asap...
and then go on an adventure, just after those things are handled.
maybe? hmmm.... actually I'll do whatever whenever... experiences can't tell time...
either way...
when that $800 gets here completely (half way here already!) that will be 1/4 of that 'goal' list.
so I'm totally rocking it.

I'm also getting other things handled.
art (painting, yo!)
people (alchemizing the shit out of this, yo!)
work orders (Tuesday stuff, maybe 2 whole hours, yo!)
writing (chapter 21, yo!)
exercise regimen (for reals, yo!)
landscaping (planned, not actually done, too hot, yo!)
and clarity (where are we going and why, yo!)
and free animation software (ain't nobody got time for others, yo!)
other stuff... (not sharing, yo!)

ok, going to go outside and do nothing
then go write!
nothing tomorrow except whatever I decide on then
later
________________________________________________________



But since it falls unto my lot
that I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
goodnight and joy be to you all

Intertwined....

When a lesser vibration is exposed to a higher...
the lesser is transformed.
When there's a depth inside of you, where the roots grow deep....
and the lesser seeds grow within it... and weeds shoot out and tangle the garden...
you must dig deep to find the source.
you must go within and fin the seed.
you must find where the roots tangle themselves in your thoughts.
in you soul
and cut them out.
gently.

for those roots...the chafe...
it brings up savagery on the earth...
in your life...
it reflects off the waters and reveals itself tangled throughout your vision.

and there's one angel that can reveal the deepest parts of your darkness..
only one that can go that far in.
one that can carry the light deep enough
deep enough to find the root.
deep enough into the pit.

and..
I've found you.
and I will untangle you.
and I will burn you.
and after a time....
the reflections you were casting...
the energy that pulled the earth downward...
will be no more...
and the flourishing parts will thrive.
and the higher vibrations will echo.
and you will not be able to touch me.
___________________________________________________

I will not decode.
I am not your decryption key.
Shit just got real.
And this Earth, belongs to me.
Step aside.
______________________________________________________

Chapter 20 in book.
on a roll and ready to get back at it, though it's only 8 right now
I am just not feeling it for you tonight.
I opened up this space and it's eager to be filled.
This is a sign that at least $800 will be here within a few days.
It has been designated to pay off a credit card.
I agree to this. Let us dance.

the vibrations are changing... god this feels weird.
I like it though...
give me more.

in 5 days Saturn goes direct.
I am ready.

why do I feel like a vampire?
 O_o