A New Year is upon us.

Stop making things so complicated. It doesn't have to be.

Final draft - regular price $249  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Final Draft I now OWN!  = $110
YES I DID

I was going to wait...but then they offered 15% off expiring tonight.
plus I got the educator discount

I promise these things just fall unto me like rain.
Screenwriting 101 - always write.
keep writing
and writing
if you can sell the first, you can sell the second.
and the third and the fourth

my fingers are numb as shit
but I learned a song...for the moon
Simple Man in next.


This is not day 27 yet. Still day 26...it's 8:46 and the new year is just around the corner.
Shall I tell you stories of the future?
Of the way the sun cascades upon the land and the stars shower down their glory.
Of the immense moments arising in the coming months.
Doorways are opening. Portals, from where our helpers bring forth the good news.
Abundance and a life that none would expect to find in this age.
But I see the light where the gate has fallen away from it's threshhold
I see the light from the other side.
It is warm and brilliant.
I know this light.
It is the one He carries. That our true selves carry.
No one will be able to close this doorway.
They are awakening....and you won't be able to put them back to sleep.
We will rise up. We will never hear your pleas.
We will never give attention to your fears...
We walk in that light...and the shadows are behind us.
The doorway is opening.
You won't be able to cover your eyes.



____________________________________________

"Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied"

"And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can"

"Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied"

Remember remember

day 26
it is the last day of 2017

Wise man says, only fools rush in....
but I can't help, falling in love, ....with you
Guitar practice 101

Today's tasks.
Putty ceiling
put away trees
Shower
headshot photo
scan and upload all of that paperwork, it's like 30 pages plus id stuff
read book
dinner
watch a movie
pick up the kid

Will I get all that done.....lol, maybe

_______________________________________________________

I have more to say in the evenings, go figure
Nothing really right now.
Maybe if I wait a bit, something will appear.

There's things that may benefit from a more present awareness of them, however I'm having a huge blank show up when I address them. I don't know the answer or solution. Totally okay.
I will need to ask for assistance. Be right back....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
ok...so I have a 'sort of' answer from my assistants. This will require me to be more conscious of my actions and choices. I can do that. Remembering that I would benefit from doing that is another thing.

Want to know the secret to remembering something?
Sure you do.
It's telling yourself that you will remember. You can't do it in your head.
You HAVE to say it out loud.
As in....--  "I will remember to     insert what you need to remember here   ."
You HAVE to say it out loud or your brain will not remember it, or if it does it will be totally at the wrong time. Just command yourself to remember. Out Loud! If you have a time to remember it say you will remember it at __________ so and so time. Out Loud.
It has to do with resonance and reverberation if you want scientific proof. I will not explain today.
You command your brain to do the things you need it to do. It's like using Siri or Cortana, or Alexis.
Tell it, but you actually have to use your voice. It is the command code. Like a captain's...on a starship, but you don't have to call out your numbers. You just have to use your voice.
Saying it out loud 3 times brings it more to the forefront of your consciousness too btw. So if it's really important, say it more than once. 3 times the charm.
Try it out, tell me if it works for you.

p.s - you can also do this same tactic to manifest something into your life.
Not as in asking for something to be brought to you, but saying you already have it. 3 times, everyday. Throw some powerful emotion into it if you want results quickly. Be careful what you are manifesting. The universe will take the quickest route and sometimes its not the best if you throw will into the mix. It is not your job to find the path/answer/solution/object or figure out how you are going to get/do it. Your only job is to command that it be. And then stay out of the way, you will get ran over by the universal train if you stay on the tracks.

So....Final Draft is expensive.
Its a screenwriting program.... birthday is in 3 months.....
oh wait.....income tax assuming I get any is in Feb. Assuming the gov doesn't make online filers wait.
oh wait.... I'm getting a side job. ...oy!
oh wait.... I don't need to do anything, it'll just be.  DUH!
  Anyway, Fox Prince is ready to go into screenwriting format. I might play with some of those cheap programs to test it out, but I know they are not what I need for the 'real' script.
In the meantime, since I don't like being on the computer all day....I will outline and card Victory.
Probably not today.

Gonna go, coffee is waiting and trees need put away.
Later hobbits of Gnometown with the little tiki torches and whiskers of foam.

Rich, fertile, and on sacred ground

I need to silicone the tub today
Christmas needs to be put away as well.
I have to fill out all these papers too.....there's a lot. And then scan them and upload them back to the inspector people along with other info stuff.
I should read up on some of those scripts too. I read through part of The Lion King....there's stuff in there I didn't even know was in there. But they are following more of a sequence structure than beats.
Confusing....maybe a bit.
Need to find a guitar song, look for paint, practice piano, and do the 7 day challenge.
Finish filling out the kids insurance paperwork.
I need a headshot too.

Can all that be done in a day? Probably...will it? ........ lololololol
Dinner, finish cleaning the sewing room that is no longer a sewing room, my other screenwriting book should be in today, so I'll probably read some of that. And besides filling out a photography
form for residential photography jobs....I found a nice wide angle lens I would buy if I actually got that job.
First up, this blog, day 25
then I'm going to silicone the tub
at least that will get done today because I want to take a shower

______________________________________________________________________

Do you realize how rich you feel when you sink down down down into your roots?
How when you kick unenjoying things out of your life, other things pop up miraculously.
Cool things. Better things.
When you burn your ideas of limits.....and then expand past them.
Claim your ticket to ride this ship, we are setting out to 'see'
_______________________________________________________________

We read the wind and the sky
When the sun is high
We sail the length of sea
On the ocean breeze
At night we name every star
We know where we are
We know who we are, who we are

 Aue, aue,

We set a course to find
A brand new island everywhere we row

Aue, aue,
We keep our island in our mind
And when it’s time to find home
We know the way

 

Aue, aue, we are explorers reading every sign
We tell the stories of our elders
In the never ending chain 

 

Aue, aue
Te fenua, te mālie
Nā heko hakilia
We know the way

ever think maybe we are explorers taking residence in human bodies until it's time to go home
 maybe for some of us....  the ones who have tamed the primal urges of their human hosts.
Kind alike that book Host, but people are just like animals until a spirit enters and carries the being. Sometimes the animal fights back with violence, sometimes....maybe it surrenders to our will.
Ever think that maybe we are the aliens? These bodies made for us?
Just giving you some things to think about. :)

Ever think maybe our ancestors energy flows down to us through our dna?
That's why we know things without being told. Reach for something outside of the norm.
Can you carry that energy? Channel it? Recognize it?
Who are the magicians in my family? Where are you?
Does viking blood course through our veins? Perhaps gypsy's? Who are you?
I should probably go find out. Want to join me?
 ____________________________________________________________________

Financial Feng-Shui
  We are working on the money areas of our baguas today....sometime or another.
Clearing them out and decluttering. Then cleaning and making them 'happy'
Happy money flows freely in and out, in and out, in and out.
Do I even have time to clean?..... totally.
But I have to get off the computer for now.
Later jumping peanuts of lavender and citrus.

drop it like it's hot

Day 24 -

They want to add me to their team of inspectors. But I have to fill out stuff....ok then.
Pan's labyrinth on piano, working on that.
Katyusha is fine until the second part....hands will not work together just yet.
I see the light - from Tangled, looks easy enough. Its next on my list.
and Loch Lomond - its kinda not easy
Guitar - .... I need to research some easier stuff than electric guitar solos.... O _ O

There's stuff I need to do and I don't wanna.

Financial Feng-shui. This would work better if I didn't have to wait for the bills to actually be in.
Or weekends didn't mean people were closed. Stupid society.
Financial Feng-Shui evidently implies that I won't actually be working on outside things as much as inside things....both, but inside stuff that makes the outside stuff respond. I'm not joking.
So last night, I was speaking with Theightious. (he's an earth god).... and well,.... let's just say that lava is a great way to rid yourself of thoughts/beliefs/limitations/ideas that are not to your benefit.
You hold out your hands and place a thought in them that doesn't feel good.
You observe it and describe it....out loud, but not loud loud. Just say what it is.
Then break up with it. As in.... Disagree with it. Void the contract. Call bullshit on it. Whatever works for you. Then open your hands like your dropping that thought or whathaveyou. Helps if you are picturing a flowing river of lava below your hands. Or the sun. Or something burning. FIRE
and say goodbye to it. Yes, say goodbye out loud to it.
Try it, you'll like it.
It's like taking a drug...I guess...?? I don't do drugs. I do weird.
So we were talking about finance, money, stuff like that....cause I need stuff to write about here.
I dropped a lot of stuff. It was fantastic.
More fantastic if you have a visual imagination like me and you go a bit on the outside of sanity and feel the burning of that thought inside your head....cause you are the actual volcano.
You can reprogram yourself.

The moon wants me to sing her a song.... O_O I'm kinda scared....I can sing, but I have a feeling she wants me to play the guitar too.....argh. I don't think I can do both. We'll see.

___________________________________________________________________

I'm on this EOL group on facebook and I'm chatting with someone....so if this takes forever to write...that's why.

New Year's..... resolutions..... no we don't do resolutions.... we set things on FIRE!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
If a certain thought crosses my mind one more damn time.......I will freaking do it.
There's your warning.

7 day challenge. change your life in 7 days - this is for you.

7 days of magick - for yourself, for others, for anything, for nothing.
             do something bold, brave, exciting, something you usually wouldn't do
7 days of release - releasing something for 7 days you want to try living without.
             like sugar, coffee, facebook, television, whatever is heavy on your soul
7 days of honoring - yourself, your family, whatever, whoever.
             pamper yourself, buy flowers, give flowers, take someone out for dinner
7 days of presence - awareness of each and every thought, action, deed, word.
             be vigilant and all these things need watched before letting energy pass through them.
7 days of patience - love all the snails. love all the slugs. even yourself.
             slow drivers, things you aren't ready to carry, build foundations first
7 days of movement - stretch, dance, sing, breathe deeply, m o v e
             get rid of 'stuck' energy, burn it, unclog it, flooooow
7 days of promise - make a promise to yourself and keep it
             promise to be kind to yourself, to love yourself, to listen to yourself.

it's only for 7 days.... you can do this.

I need a cabin in the forest.

One thing that bursts my bubble...

dreams about aliens.
dreams about ufos......

guess what I did last night.

It wasn't the point of the huge ass alien mothership coming into the earth's atmosphere....
or the point that everyone with a cell phone was recording and taking pictures of it.
It wasn't the fact that I watched it and though to myself....that 'oh, look, they're here early.'
Like my other self already knew about them coming.
I thought it strange they were making such a dramatic entrance. I found it odd that they
were arriving just the way those alien movies portray it. Weird.
Then.... they were shutting down the place where it landed. Like evacuating the town.
Which of course in my dream it was my town. We weren't allowed to get back into our houses.
So the idea that food prepping or ammo stocking will 'help you' is false.
The army reserves kindly removed our pets and any people left at our houses and we had to pick them up before leaving town. No food for you. Everything in your house now belongs to us. Enjoy the greenbeans then, jerks.
So we were having to leave town. couldn't find food anywhere. Although the outer towns weren't aware of what was happening yet and food was still available in some of the stores. We were buying stuff we needed and someone asked if they could get some expensive thing and I was like, get anything you want that you can carry, money didn't matter.
We were trying to meet back up together at someones house, there were tons of road accidents and fearful people running around.
Woke up shortly after that.....

No aliens....but it was the afteraffects of living in a society that only cares about its primal needs after they are threatened.  I really dislike alien/ufo dreams, but I always learn something when they occur.
______________________________________________________________

So...once upon a time I was told that there would be 2 waves.
When asked what I was supposed to do...
'You will stand'

Ever heard of D-wave?
It's quantum physics stuff. Lots of tech mumbo jumbo...but in simplicity terms.... It operates in the same energy flow structure as your brain. So it can harness certain brainwave patterns and resonate with an entity. It opens a door way between this dimension and another on the other side of the veil.
Aliens are inter-dimensional entities. Some people call them demons. It's allowing a entity from the other side of the veil to move through the gate and enter into this physical dimension.
Ever heard of Kindred?
This is the actual AI body that will contain this 'entity'. But we can totally control it, right? lol.
Ever heard of a Halo Wave?
not the game. .... its energy flow too. Cern knows all about it.

Did you know that if the magnetosphere of the earth dropped voltage you would lose your memory.
Ever wonder why we don't know crap about the past. So people guess on most of it.
It's like having to reboot a computer after a power outage. When you do, you lose whatever programs you were running.
It's happened before. It could happen again.

_______________________________________________________________________

I'm not sure what is happening today. It's still early.
All I can say is that people need to step up and take responsibility for those things which they are responsible for. Or relinquish the responsibility to someone who is responsible. Make sense?

I ordered another screenwriting book.
I'm going to paint my sewing room that is no longer my sewing room soon. I have to see what paints I have.
Moon moves through Taurus for the next few days. That supposed to mean a money boost.
I applied for a field inspector job. They take pics of property and send it in. Did it once before, it was easy and I got $75 for it. That equates to $75 per hour. Commission only. for the win..
I need to read a script today. Probably Zootopia or the beginnings of Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away. ( I am writing a Studio Ghibli film afterall.)
Still working on Katyusha. Got the beginning of it.... but the second part is hard since my hand doesn't want to comply with working together with the other.
and guitar. My fingers still need toughening up.
I still haven't painted anything even though its on my list.I watched something last night, but I can't remember what it was now, lol.
I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat sumtin'

Volcano!!!!!

They are speaking to me.....but not with words.

Wind - hands outstretched with an orb of some sort floating above.
What is that for??
Thoughts. Mastering thoughts. For thoughts are the wind.
Wind hasn't moved before, but I like this new thing.

Fire...they've been near me for a while, not as long as Wind.
Wasn't really sure what Fire was for....quiet for so long.
But now I feel the heat. Radiant powerful heat.
This is spectacular. I can feel it. And it moves. It's alive.
Power. Fearlessness. A word beyond just courage.
This is new. I like this new thing.

I know there are two more I haven't met yet.
But I can feel another approaching.
Not as in walking/flying towards me...
But its thoughts are on me. I can feel this enough to feel them.
This is fantastic. I like this new thing.
______________________________________________________

Katyusha - that's the Russian song I'm learning on piano.

I'm going to paint a wall in my sewing room soon.
I should probably not call it that anymore. Needs a new name.
Financial Feng-shui. Needs a new name too. As I'm not going to be using Feng-shui per se.
Or chakras.
I'm using laser vision - like superman. Laser focus.
Intent.
No fucking around.
Laser heat like fire, it will burn up with just my presence.
That's right. Whatever I focus on won't be able to stand in my presence without being changed.
We can still relate this to chakras.
Root chakra is for presence....solar plexus is for intent. But it takes longer to make sense of something and put it into understanding words than it is to just go with it. I tend to go with it quite often. Doesn't matter how...just that it does.
Throat chakra is for expression. Also for speaking things into this existence. Careful of your words, for they are powerful.    .....and by this, I mean be really careful.
Watch your thoughts as well. They are the wind, but the wind you gather is your energy.
It's more simple than what you think....probably overly simple you completely overlook the obvious.
I do quite often. Luckily I have guides to point the obvious out to me. ....eventually. I usually have to ask first, which makes it harder if you aren't sure what you need to be asking.
Let the little kid inside you ask, probably easier than asking with your current ego mind.

Whatever.... Day 22?
Skylar got ears pieced today. Pretty cool.

Game play.

Today day 21.
played guitar
played piano, learning a Russian song!
doing stuff on script -- playing with logline -- really could do dialogue...- not sure where I'll go with it today.
maybe paint?
i have no freaking idea. and I love that.

_________________________________________________
I'm unsure what on earth or in the heavens I'm supposed to be doing, lol
I'm unsure of what 'new year resolutions' I should be aiming for.
Where do I want to go exactly?
Yeah, pay off debt is always on the list, so fuck that. I decided I don't want to pay
anything and just have it gone and be debt-free.
Do you know what the word 'pay' really means.....
here's some education....
it means to pacify, to appease, to bring peace, to sooth....
like coddling a baby.... to pay is only temporary until it's crying again.
No more paying!!!
No more obligations to commit my current-cy to a cause other than of my own choosing.
We will play a game....We will play with bills this time.
So instead of feng-shui-ing the house and stuff in it....we are going to feng-shui the bills.
Sounds fun, no?
Of course it does!!
I'll tell you how it goes once I get it set up and ready to play and we can keep track of everything that occurs as a result. This will be educational both in feng-shui antidotes and chakra balancing.
(maybe I can write a book on it later) We can call it Financial Feng-Shui


holy crap.... I just realized that the leak in the ceiling downstairs may have something to do with our financial leakage......wtf - WHY DON"T I EVER NOTICE THIS SHIT BEFORE I WRITE ABOUT IT  > --- <
That shit is getting fixed tomorrow. Along with a bunch of other things soon after. I'll make a list.

Anyway....my fingers kinda hurt. I'm going to go do .....eh....be.. something for awhile.
See  you tomorrow.

keeping all the exciting stuff to myself

Day 20

what do you want to hear today?
what do you want to see?
what do you want to feel?
what do you want to know?
careful with your words...they are powerful.


So....outline is done. f i n a l l y !!
need to do break down of scenes and diagnose conflict and charge for each.
I'm really hoping that won't take as long as the outline. What was that? a week and a half...ick
Then go through the dialogue, which I did not include in the outline unless I added something new.
Then do visuals on the scenes like a camera would if you were watching the movie. (this I'm supposing will take forever since I'm overly visual) ((( I did a kylego today and transported myself somewhere else....way too visual, I was gone for about 10 minutes. )))
I also need to read some scripts so I can get a feel for what they actually write versus what is actually seen.
Then go find me a script writing program, which I have a list, but haven't actually been on them to see if I like them. I hope I like them, or hopefully I love the free ones.
Then ...and hopefully then....I can actually write this stuff out without using a pen. Much quicker.
If I run into any snags, I'll just ask for advice from my helper and we'll get it worked out smoothly.

I have Butter duty today, so me and him are going to work on a script, haha.
If I get struck with ADD, I have a picture I want to paint ready and waiting for my attention.
Not sure if anything is on the telly tonight, but I have a radio.
Pick Skylar up at 8.
oh....dinner in there somewhere too.

_________________________________________________________________

So I'm thinking of something to do for a challenge list and I'm not sure how to fill it out.
Most of what I want to do, I do anyway. And some things I'm going to do are slotted for a different time than this week, because Christmas, yo.
I finished the videos I was watching. So now I have all this free time, lol. (ok, yeah, so all the time is my free time unless I'm playing chauffeur) and I LOVE that.
Level 24 or 25 on my 'list' I still need a name for. I get to paint something. Which will be that picture in my head. Canvas, paint, and brushes are already out and ready to go. No excuses. Then on to the next level. I've really got to add something outrageously exciting on it next time.....just so I can scare the shit out of myself if I actually roll the number. FuN!!
______________________________________________________________

Tomorrow is Christmas ! ! ! !
Yay!
I'm bored of writing, gonna go, more tomorrow.

The moon tells the future of yourself.

Day 19 - I really am trying not to lose count, although I admit I don't actually check.

If it doesn't matter...then it really doesn't matter. (that's literal)

A l m o s t....done with the outline. Taking way longer than I thought it would. H O U R S !!!!!
....and I love that

I'm writing a letter. want to read it.... sure you do!
Oh no, its not for you.... :(  -- But if you want me to write you one, write me one to let me know you want me to write you one. .... .... .... ... lol

So nothing happening today. I've got one video left of The Limitation Game videos, which I will watch tomorrow.
I vacuumed. Cooked dinner. Researched timber pricing. Looked up what 'bhavana' was (because I do remember the future...well... parts of it.) Still find it unamusing that I have to deal with all this outdated crap. I wonder if I will remember this life in my next? I wonder if in my next life, I will finally be rid of these 'push buttons' and cat litter. And hoses. Better things are out there...or should I say up there? But alas....I'm currently present in 2017 with push buttons. No slidey light things, no 3d screenless game systems, no transport ships to the space stations and Mars, no hoseless handheld watering systems...and cat litter still exists.

_______________________________________________

I haven't spoken to her in many months.
But hidden myself away from her.
She rises and falls, showing her many faces.
Singing her song. Dancing her dance.
Why have we not spoken of late?
Has it been too cold? Has the weather parted us?
Do I have nothing to say?
You have plenty to say, yet I have not listened.
I have not been open to your voice.
Where have I gone?
You always show up, on time, every time.
Yet I linger behind doors, behind windows, merely glimpsing at your throne.
I admire your beauty, yet I dare not approach.
Perhaps the next time you shine in your fullness...
I will aspire to listen to your calls. Listen to your song.
It doesn't take much for you to call my name.
Remind me, remind me to steal myself away to the throneroom and enter.
Shall I stand in your presence?
Shall I sit to hear your stories?
Will we dance beneath your gentle lights?
Call out to me, I will come. I will honor you.
For the moon is more than just a moon.
She is a goddess.

I don't even like poetry

Are you ready?

for the fireworks....for the fireworks.

_________________________________________________

moving blindly
feeling
feeling
seeing further
knowing
knowing
walking forward
upward
outward
being
releasing
centering
eyes can look all day...
but only the heart can see
________________________________________________

I'm smiling. This is new in a way, but familiar.
Not like waiting for something to show up.
But seeing it form before your eyes.
It was always here...just now you can see it.


Day 17 - although I'll be posting this on day 18 since I forgot to post it yesterday...I did write, lol.
And another great idea at a time I didn't have paper in hand. boo

This girl is on fiiiiirrrre!!!!

What is the heartbeat of a volcano?
That Thunder...that power.
It moves within. Beating. Pounding
The echoes.
It moves within...rising.
Eventually it will pour out, tearing through the skin.
Rip it open.
River of Fire....river of fire.
Love in my veins ,too much to contain, too much to keep to myself.
This fire...this thunder.
It's rising - these liquid gold flames.
Pour out of me.
My heart bleeds.
Thunder thunder thunder thunder.
Stampeding in my dreams. Thunder thunder thunder
Set the world on fire. Light it up. Burn.
 __________________________________________________

I found a new favorite person today.
I'm in joyous awe of being able to be connected with them.
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like shifting!

I not so much like feeling when I'm not, but glad I can tell so that I can straighten.
Yeah, no sense right there, but I understand. I am writing this for myself afterall.

Watched Star Wars : The Last Jedi
...and now I'm feeling all jedi-y and stuff.

I keep having to recenter. It wants to revert back to the other place I was.
So I'm keeping tabs on it. Watching it. Feeling it. Moving it back on the correct channel I want to be on. Holding it. Holding it.
This is new. This different mind space, but not the mind, more like the gut. The soul.
Prana center.  (Hey my jacket's brand is Prana, lol.
Recenter. Switching channels and the remote keeps hitting the return button.
No.
We are going to a new channel my friend. We are going to watch a new movie.
A new movie that includes the story I want to hear. I want to see. I want to live.
Recenter.
It wants to be in control....the remote. But no, my friend.
We are surfing on a new channel. I'm in control of the remote.
Recenter....what do you want to say?

I got an email for sewing......eh.........argh.
This is a test.
THIS is ONLY a test. and I freaking KNOW that.
I even know the answer because I have the answer KEY.
FUCK!!!!!

Let us try something ...real time. I'll let you watch my analytical data analysis of following my heart or my head.....can you keep up?
So...I recentered an sifted through the feeling of sewing. This is centered in the gut, not the head/mind. It just felt...blah...like ok, whatever, we don't like it that much, but its better than other stuff. Then I sifted through the feeling of doing the stuff I'm working on now (screenwriting, book5, not sewing) and something happened. It went from gut....outward to around. Like literately growing aura shit.  Then I felt the sewing thing again and it went back to where I was centering it on. Little heavy....in the gut. Feeling of eh....blah. then back again, because you have to make sure you're not imagining stuff up...and opened up.  So continuing on my NEW channel is expansive, not contractive. Reverting back is known territory.
Let's ask the mind/head....
well....shit. It says the same thing. Where the heck is my remote?
It knows that if I did the thing I don't want to do...I will get the same results...which isn't what I want.
If I did the thing I do want to do....I will get ??? what I DO want.
Don't want to do = Don't want to get
Do want to do = Do want to get.
well....fuck. That just solves the non-problem.
I told you I had the answer.
I'm a fucking JEDI!!!! 

omg!!! ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!! I'm so freaking excited!

I did it.
I replied.
want to read it..... heck yeah you do!

----- Hey! I'm not able to take on any orders as my priorities are elsewhere from sewing. Not sure when/if I'll be back to sewing or not for a while, possibly not for another few months. So for now, I need to decline. Thank you though Nothing bad, just some amazing opportunities have come my way and need my attention! -----

is that not some professional word talk or what!?! I am AWESOME!!!!!
and so are YOU@! Yeah, let's rock this world together!

__________________________________
Pour out from me my love....my burning burning love.
Elvis' song in my head now....great..

List making is FUN

If you have to justify why you are doing something.....
then its not what you really want. Toss it.


Day 16 - and fixing to start on level 24 (i think?) of my list thingy I explained many days ago.
I guess I should come up with a name for it, so when I refer to it again you'll kinda know what I'm talking about.
I just completed the last task, so time to make a new list of 6 things. As of right now, I have no idea what to put on that list.
I could be brave and write 'Go to the BEACH'
I could be sensible and write 'Clean the bathroom'   - gack hahahahah
no.....don't do that unless it will feel good to be done with it. Which today, I do not care.
Maybe something artistic.....which is usually included on almost every list I've written so far.
Something brave.... that one is fun and terrifying at the same time. Because if your dice matches the number of that brave thing....you HAVE TO DO IT.... If you break the chain EVER...you must repay the dishonoring fee.... only weather (as in build a snowman, but its summer....stop putting dumbass stuff on your list), sickness (you are dying), and death (you died) are 'skip' allowances.
The dishonoring fee relates to something of equal value to make up for the dishonoring...and a 7 day commitment. Don't dishonor yourself.
Anyway, I get to make a new list tonight. Sweet.

Survivor ends tonight too....thank god.
I worked on my book this morning....and made a few parts better....hahah....I was fixing to write 'scenes' but the book is not a movie.... (it could be a series though....hmmm)
I'm hungry....I want to go eat. So cutting short today.

1/6th is a fraction....this is a bunch of them

Day 15
Act I outline is made up...and took way longer than I thought.
That's why only Act I is done and not all of them.
Got some question marks answered too. Little details that are actually important to the story.

Every single little bit of everything.
Love that.

Saturn moves into Capricorn tomorrow.

And I watched the Limitation Game videos - 2 of them today.  I'm totally not procrastinating.
I'm evolving.

I also found this nifty webpage on screenwriting that is rehashing all the stuff I already know.
Which is great, because it's wasting time too and funny thing is that when you read about it, your subconscious is reapplying and fact checking your screenplay...so it's like editing, but not physically.
I like it! All the work is being done for me in a sense.
Or when I'm stuck and I ask my helper for info and it's laid on me like 'oh yeah' good idea.'
*high five!

And I totally had a realization today. Something my mind knows already, but somewhere in there I got lost or I forgot. So I have re-realized it, I'm pretty sure.
I forgot that I didn't need to change my outside circumstances. That my inside didn't need to make the outside comply.
duh. I KNOW this already.
I simply just comply with the inside.
Then the outside will comply automatically.
felt this today and it was like 'oh...welcome home traveler'
Where do I go?

Yeah, I know this blog post is a bit scattered. You'll live.
Day 15 of 90.   that's 1/6th of the way through.
Now if I would apply this to my script we'd be rollin' .... we'll I technically work on it...just not physically. Kinda like Book 5...It's there alright, just not materialized into matter just yet. And I'm not sure where I want to start it. Probably where Brynn is trying to smash Kren's face in......idk yet.

________________________________________________________________

The trees whisper when I pass.
They're watching. Peacefully reminding me of my work.
I know they are resting, but they still seem eager to speak.
Perhaps it doesn't matter that we are on winter's edge.
They want to be heard. These dear be-ings.
I must honor them.
I will hear they're stories.
I will record their words.
And the voices that have been covered by the winds will howl. They will sing. They will rejoice.
My teachers. My friends. I will come to you.
I know your patience is grand.
I know you wait for me.
I'm coming, honored ones.

Holidays and Horoscopes.

Day 14
I keep thinking time should be moving faster than it appears to be doing at the moment.
It feels like 20 minutes, but it's been like 5
Fascinating.

So... I just found out that my Ascendant (Rising Sign) is Scorpio.
Like, why wasn't I told about this when I was actually doing astrology crap 20 years ago.
Why didn't I know what this was. Or how kinda important it is to know.
All this time I was thinking I'm supposed to be some mushy overly-sensitive Pisces. And I always wondered why I never really felt that way. Yeah, I'm a bit dreamy and ebb/flow kinda person, but somehow there were things that didn't quite add up in that analysis.
Anyway, I'm relearning astrology with some more up to date, good ol' fashion google, which wasn't so great 20 years ago, and I was way too broke to be buying books back then.
This is my new side-quest while I procrastinate with The Fox Prince script.

Christmas is one week away.
I like Christmas, but I'm not sure why.
I like seeing the kids open stuff, but they are emotional trap doors and you can only catch glimpses of there inner joy occasionally. Like at Pandora (not the jewelry store or motorcyle store) Pandora at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Or when a new gaming computer FINALLY gets delivered.
Or when you buy your eldest a sweater they 'love so much', because they spent all their own money buying other people gifts.
I like opening stuff too. Yeah. Sometimes I think my super duper intuition ruins it though. All this psychic shit telling me what I'm getting before Christmas even gets here. I'm just like 'shut up!!' I want to be surprised!!
I like the horrible songs and tacky decorations too. And classical decor. And Santa.
I like the shopping frenzy and people losing their minds and money over it too. It really is quite entertaining. I love watching people negotiate their societal training. It's beautiful.
I like the awful traffic. It's so freaking funny, because people choose to be out here, yet they still get angry about some slow/fast bad driver. People in a hurry are the absolute best. I indulge in analyzing them every chance I get.

I don't like the charity people or getting asked to donate. (the answer is always no)
I don't like to be asked if I need help.  (if I needed help, I would ask you!)
I don't like being asked how my day is or if I found everything ok.  (please STFU! Your slow death is trying to pour out onto me, poor poor checkout person.)  (this does not include the guy with an accent who slices the sandwich meat I get at Whole Foods. He is allowed to talk all day. )
I don't like the cold.  (brrrr)
I don't like actually shopping and spending money on stuff.  (I kinda don't really want it, but I need it)
I don't like cooking.  (not one bit)
I don't like shopping for food to cook.   (omg, please make life more affordable)
I don't like that no one likes to have pictures taken.   (why not? please smile already!)
I don't like that no one wants to do anything.  (boring)
I don't like that Santa never actually comes.   (wtf)

I do like getting to put the tree away!!!
and having pretty paper all over the floor.
and glitter.....hell yes. Glitter for weeks!! - yes I buy glitter wrapping paper. Better believe it

___________________________________________________
I need to go.... ho ho ho.

ok, that was supposed to be 30 minutes gone, but it's been 15 or so....time is waiting for me today I guess.

bing.... bing.... bing.... = headache sounds

Headaches try to be cool and all...but they fall short.
Not really appreciating the presence of one.

I sold some of those books I listed, still have a handful left though. I would advise people to read more, but the books I'm selling aren't really that good. (hence the reason I'm selling them)
I keep all my good books.

Um...well...I have nothing to say today.
Day 13 - seems longer than that somehow.
I was a different person 13 days ago. weren't you?
You could be a different person in two weeks if you started today.
Hoping something decent is on tv tonight, but I don't really care.
I just need to go a few more hours till I can go to bed.

Probably not going to work on much tonight.
A name for a kingdom, lol.
that doesn't seem too difficult.
*yawn
 ......I'm bored. nothing to say.
gonna go then.

__________________________________________


don't let the dark see what the light is doing
the light is not meant to be....
Chaos....chaos in me.

Way too long.

I have a bird on me. He's pulling out my hairband.

So my checklist is done for the screenplay.
Have to work on some concept visuals. Not necessarily concept art, I kinda need to write down what people, places, things look like so I don't go and alter it later, because I forgot, lol
I did that a lot writing my books, I bet you never noticed though. I did, enough for me to laugh about it.
So visuals tonight. Then making diagram of scenes.
Then double-checking everything to make sure everything works and it can't get overwritten.
SOLID.
Then .... estimate of scenes and page numbers for the actual script. Because I do have a limit/quota that must be maintained.
Then rough draft of the actual screenplay formatting. oh yay....
Then another double-checking for everything.
Then actual screenplay written out. That may take a while.
Then another check through. Then again. Then check through of formatting/spelling/etc.
Then a check through again.
Then sit on it for a bit and start board on Victory.
Re read whole thing and check through again, find someone else to check it too. (Skylar)
and someone else. (___?___)
Find an agent. Or not and take a huge risk and mail it out to Studio Ghibli. ...sure thing.
It'll be fun.

So I'm not intending to start sewing again.
back in the days where I posted retarded facebook posts about dumb shit...
like 'almost done with orders' or 'just 3 orders to go' or 'this sewing is making me insane'
made me realize how I could have been doing other stuff.
More important stuff.
I don't care about little dresses. Or princesses. (unless they are holding a fucking sword)
(no...not wonder woman)
I don't care about it at all. I especially do not care for sewing appliques.
I can literately feel the writing turmoil inside of me just thinking about it.
The answer...if it is not a hell yes....it is a fuck no. Even a maybe isn't working for me at this point.
Even $150 isn't appealing if it costs me freedom/joy/time/etc.
- He who controls your time, controls your mind. -
I do however care about stories. and magic. and self awareness.
Dresses may be magical....but I can't find myself in them anymore.
The test is sure to come though. When someone on Jan 2nd asks to place an order.
Too bad I threw out all my applique papers..... awwww.
I'll either fold and do it for the money, or I'll stand.
God help me. I feel myself being weak. Am I a people pleaser?!.....cause that shit needs to stop right now.
I have a notebook next to my bed, where I write shit down I know I will forget.
I have a page on there that says 'FUCK NICE'
If someone was to describe me. 'Nice' should not be on the list. Not naughty either btw.
But nice....is almost an insult.
Phenomenal - Mysterious - Creative - Intentional - Strange - Other worldly - even insane, crazy, weird, odd, rude....is just fine....but nice implies I'm nice.
News flash: I'm not.
I can be cordial, polite, ...I can even refrain from saying what I'm really thinking. But deep down inside....nice does not compute. Nice does not work with my programming.
Oh you're so nice..... makes me want to wretch.
How nice of you..... no bitch, I did this because someone talked me into it. (fucking people pleasing!)
That was nice....no....it was fucking fantastic. 100% or nothing. I'm over the good enough stage.
If I bother (of my own free will) it's because I wanted to.....
of course, that often gets overlooked, okay always get overlooked. Dude, I dedicated an hour or whatever to you, and what do I get... 'that's nice.' hack ack cough. I'm choking. I don't even want anything, but I can 'feel' the  response no matter what you actually say.  And yeah, I still get a kick out of the response of 'this is totally weird...uh...thank you?' response, lol. I like messing with people.

Ahhh...I've talked too much.

But I have a memory.... my first dose of 'these people are bullshitters' and 'oh fuck why did I come here to deal with this shit'... memory.
I was 3. I know because I have the actual picture that says 1983 on the back.
Aunt Betty's house. Someone begged/convinced/ MANIPULATED me into putting on a dress.
(I hated them then, I hate them now...unless it's for a 'cool' photoshoot.)
They wanted pictures of me and those two other boys (don't know who they were)
Red dress. Sun dress. pretty color, but I was defiant.
So they coerced/MANIPULATED me into putting it on for 'just a little while' for pictures and they would give me this goodie basket that had one of those stupid paddle ball toys in it. I got to play with the paddle ball thing. My tiny mind 3yo self complied. (I wanted the paddle ball thing)
So we took pictures....yeah yeah smile for the dumb grown-ups. Can I go now?
Take this thing off of me....
Just a little longer they would say. I felt the deliberate refusal of acknowledgment of my individuality.
I eventually got the dress off after way too long of a timeframe.
BUT when we were leaving....guess what... I didn't get to keep the paddle ball thing or the basket stuff. W..T..F..
It was mine. It was payment. I was MANIPULATED, belittled, lied to, and dishonored.

So now you know where my rebellion of everyone/everything else comes from.
That's not a bad thing....for me...
but the emotion of a 3 year old can make big waves in the future...

Screenplays are still my friend.

The ticking lingers, ever so slightly, like a whisper.
Small bells jingle from behind.
The coolness of the air resonates with angst.
The door is shut and cannot speak.
The gates remain open, uncaring if they stay that way.
Why do we linger here?
Idly biding time.
Are we waiting for something?
Is there somewhere else to be?
It's like sitting in the waiting room.
The room prior to being in the one where you can choose a prize door.
You know you can, that you will, but it's not your turn yet.
Deciding whether to choose door number 3...or 1....or 8...is baseless.
You'll have to wait until you see what's in them.
And it's whatever you want to be in them.
What we choose is only factored by how we feel at the time of choosing.

_____________________________________________________

Outline is done.
Checklist tonight for structure, elements, and quality control.
Organize visuals, scan dialogue, sleek it out a bit. I still have way too many cards up on the board.
They said 40....but um....I'm a tad bit over that. (how many cards come in a pack? minus 20 or so)
I'm aiming for 40 tacks. That seems easier since I wrote the whole entire scene out on multiple cards...it won't fit all on one dude.
Should be fun. And totally have the villain issue solved. At the moment I'm unaware of any other issues besides it looks like a mess.

I may have this thing done by Christmas. Not done done....
but ready to go into screenplay format done. That'll be fun, cause I so know exactly what I'm doing....ha...ha...ha...

Kiddo is feeling better at least. Still has irritated throat and sinus, but it's getting better.
I might paint a picture.
I might play video games.
I might take a nap.
I might go do this thing that's been on my list for 3 weeks JUST so I can mark it off my list!
Yep...that's the one. That I will feel pleased to have accomplished.
I still haven't went to Whole Foods. (too much traffic today!) Maybe tomorrow???
Better go do that thing.....before I forget or talk myself out of it....I'm a very good distraction to myself.
Later, mayberry punch with lime sauce. Add some bourbon to that and come over.

You've got a one-way ticket

Day 10
 pic...

doing screenplay work.
coming together well

nothing new.
Butter is howling... like a wolf
my neck is crunching....at least it's not hurting
I bet there's nothing on tv tonight.
not sure what else to say...
my wrist is hurting too, no idea why
I still haven't gone to Whole foods. lol
 ______________________________________

Something comes this way....
like you can feel the energies diverging as if something huge is pressing against the cloak
but what is it?
I'm gonna wait here and see. Brave brave me.

.....then maybe I'll have something to write about.

all the stories in my head, yet I can tell another is trying to push its way through.
they aren't ever going to quit, these relentless stories that strive to be told
these stories, that everyone closes the gate on.
They strive to come alive into this plane, yet you shut them out and silence their words.
They see me, willing, and all jump in line, some cutting to the forefront.
This gate is open, this gate is willing. this gate can hear us.
Oh....but do they have the key? Do they have a ticket?

Radiant astrological anomalies.

Day 9
The little guys are done. Pic is on camera still and I don't feel like going to get it.

I don't feel like going out to Wholefoods either. argh. Why they are the only ones who carry our bread is beyond me. wtf.
My mind feels stuck.
Like I shot out this radiant ray of focus and I'm spent. haha.... I guess equivalent exchange might be a thing sometimes. I'm cool with that.
I have tasks to do....and haven't done them. I'm cool with that too.

dude...I have to go do stuff tomorrow....argh. Not even my stuff. But I think there's a whole foods out there.....somewhere? Nope, no it's not. perfect. I'm cool with that too.
I don't feel like putting the bird to bed either....hrmmm...

what do I feel like today??
unfocused on anything in particular.
feel like dusk.
where the sun never came up and now it's setting.
like there's too much noise and I can't hear myself think.
Saturn is moving out of Sagittarius...probably.
Mercury retrograde too, I'm sure. Darn static!!!
He's gonna have my head if I whine about it though, lol.
So...I'm cool with that.

well...Survivor comes on tonight, hoping it won't be as dumb as the whole season has been so far.
I really just want to see the people I don't like get voted off.
And working on screenplay.
I'm working with someone on it. I think we fixed it. I'll definitely let you know.

____________


I stood there, even though it felt cold. It's wings raising higher than it's head.
The other standing silent. They weren't watching me at this moment, but I suspect their view was never going to be obstructed. Why was I here standing among them?
There are two of them now, although I know two more will come. One is of the Air, the other is Fire.
I feel them. I feel them. I feel them. How could you not, being in their presence?
Even standing before Jupiter wasn't this strong. Wasn't this powerful.
I know he still watches me. Like I'm some sort of anomaly drifting out in space.
He's amused. But why? But why? Why me?
The ones behind the glass have departed, as if their job was complete. I don't know if they will return, but I'm guessing that because I watch for them from time to time that they can't really do the job required of them anymore. Or no longer need to. I see you. I know why you were here.
I'm the fire. Born of stars. River of flame. Pour out of me. I feel you. I feel you.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...

If I asked you to name all the things you love....
how long would it take you to name yourself?

_______________________________________________________

After all.....if you loved yourself, you wouldn't put yourself through soul crushing stress.
if you loved yourself....you would never agree to put anything other than satisfactory food into your body.
if you loved yourself....you wouldn't slave away at something you didn't really want to do
if you loved yourself....you would never comply with acts, words, or thoughts that brought yourself pain.
yet people do it every single day. And then again the day after that.
because if they loved themselves....they would need to take responsibility...full responsibility.
for every act
for every word
for every thought
they would be afraid to be wrong
they would be afraid of being right too
they would be afraid of people walking out of their life
because they need someone to cling to and tell them what they could never tell themselves.
I love you.
I will take care of you.
I will never leave you.

The universe....will only give you what you give yourself.
That's how it works.
That's one of it's many secrets.

So take care. Be responsible.
Give yourself limitless love. Feed it love. Shower yourself with true joy.
Tell yourself those things you want to hear.
Those things you need to hear.
Those things you want to believe. You want to believe them for a reason, so indulge yourself.
Stop subscribing to Bullshit.
Stop agreeing to contracts with other people's beliefs. They are fucking idiots.
You do not have to agree to their contracts about life.
You do not have to believe that life is hard.
Life is not hard.
You do not have to believe that you have to work (or work hard) for money
Money can come to you easily...it is 'currency' after all.
You do not have to comply with the idea that people are awful and the world is ending.
People are wonderful. The world is wonderful too.
You do not have to believe in anything that's insults your soul.
You are a God(dess) and I will not have your light be stifled by the nonsense that the world tries to dim you with. It really is making you dim.

Manifestation is easy. It is simple. And let no one tell you that you are not worthy of it or that you are not capable of it.
My soul is fire made of stars. Where magic dances upon the threshold of heaven.
I can show you the way. Everything is free.
__________________________________________________________________

They have hands.....

I'm not too sure why I keep putting them in Tai Chi poses....it just feels right I guess.
the last two get some boots tonight of some sort...idk.
Hoping to come up with some major inspiration for the screenplay too....
if not, I'll just start working on the other one.

Not sure what else to say....?
....
....
....
....
....
Merry Christmas.
Click on this ---->   EVOLVE

Dance of worlds....

Argh.... how hard is it to develop a backstory for a villain?
Lol....and I think I might rehash the beginning of my screenplay.
Boss Man is helping me write it and recommended a technique that requires me to change
it up a bit. Still the same, just different perspective.

In other worlds... I just added on a whole additional part for book 5, lol.
This is the trouble with rampant daydreaming, while at night, trying to sleep.
But...ooooh.... I love my characters so damn much.

This reality....I'm still in need of hands for my creatures...
and boots. I haven't worked on them.

I have researched cabins though.....and am highly disappointed in what they charge.
even prefab building kits... holy crap.
$12k for a 16x24...that you still have to build yourself....
or if you go to lowe's and buy the shit yourself... $6k -- I did the math.
can't find log prices though...
yeah, I know, getting ahead of myself....as I still need to get the owners of the
neighbor property to sell me those 10 acres where the magical fairies live.
Which, it may be wise to finish paying off the last bit of our debt first....
but no one gives a fuck about doing things in order.

I have stuff to do and now since my youngest has his computer and I finally have mine back...
I need to not be on here all day! Have to go.... day .....7 I think? 

__ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _  ___ _ _ _  __ _ _ _  _ _ _ _- - -_

And we danced. Even as they watched.
His hand around my waist, probably holding me too close.
His eyes unwilling to drift off of me. Mine unwilling to drift off of his.
We danced.... and I didn't care that they were watching and our secret was at risk of being revealed.
The music slowed and we matched the tempo.
We matched each other.
His body pulled closed to mine.
The warmth of his breath near my ear. The smell of his clothes.
I closed my eyes, thinking I shouldn't smile...or they would know.
I smiled, tucking my face inward, even closer to him.
He whispered in my ear.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _  - _ - _ _ _ _  _-  - - ____

Get that out of your mouth!

Droplets of fire erupt.
They look like rubies, showering rubies.
Red beads of raw energy.
They streak upward and curve their way to the earth.
They fan out as they make contact with the ground.
Tiny pools of savageness.
The river flows. This river of fire.

______--_______--__--__---_
This reminds me of a rather strange occurance.
When my eldest was about 3 or 4 years old.
She was on the front porch, doing kid stuff.
***EDIT**** it wasn't a crying thing on this one...
She came through the open door and asked, plain as day.
What's the lake of fire?' She asked.'What?!' I asked.
'What's the lake of fire?' She repeated.
Me, thinking somebody's been messing with my child....
'Who told you that?' I asked.
'Nobody.' She shook her head.
'Where did you hear that?' Cause momma is gonna smack a Christian.
'My head told me.' Or something to the effect.
'You heard it in your head?' I needed to confirm. 'Noone told you a story or anything?'
'In my head.' She nodded. 'I heard it in my head.'
so we discussed the lake of fire version of what the bible says and a few other possibilities.

yeah.... so that wasn't the only time weird shit came from that kids mouth.
once, when she was 2...maybe early 3.... she was sitting at a little table eating
ramen noodles. It was lunch. No big deal, eating, playing....whathaveyou.
Then she started crying and ran over to me.
Me thinking, okay, she bit her tongue or cheek or something...
'What's wrong?'
'I don't want daddy to shoot the fireworks!' She cried.
'What fireworks, honey?'
'Daddy shot the fireworks and they hit me in the head and hurt real bad!.' Crying.
...ok then.
We didn't shoot fireworks for years after that. Even now if we do, we remind her about
this story. idk, man. weird shit.
Another time we were at Sam's Club eating at the food place in front. We made a rocket plane thing with the foil hot dog wrapping and she was playing with it and saying it was going to fall down and burn. Everyone would die. Simply, no emotion, no thought of anything.
We tried to get the name of this rocket thing, but to no avail. She tried to say something, couldn't make it out. Might be Russian, maybe?

So yeah...
Fire is cleansing....purifying.
It takes the muck out of gold when they smelt it. So it's pure.....
Like we are pure.... once we cleanse ourselves of the muck.
Cut that shit out...... literately!!!

Leaving you hungry for more.

Look....they have clothes....but now they need hands and shoes and ...props...?

I forgot to get felt at Hobby Lobby today so...hmmm. I'll figure something out.

I'm wondering why there aren't more options for food. Like real edible food. Not crap they sell at the store or restaurants.
What's for dinner.....argh.

I don't have much else to write about today.
I'm still working on a villain solution for my screenplay.
I working on my little dudes.
I've a feeling I'm forgetting something I need to do....but it's not coming to me.
I have a list of stuff I might do, but that's a big 'might'
I'm disappointed how much people charge for small buildings. I know how much supplies cost....and it's only 20% of your price buddy.... labor isn't hard when you have enough people doing the job....
...
yeah so... I need food... going to find something other than boring same stuff.... hopefully.
laters.

What's your Focal point?

So I'm experiencing some pain in my neck....
literately, lol.
on and off a few years actually...
but anyway...I ask one of my other worldly friends what's up with that.
They told me some obvious shit that should have been more obvious...
I could have prepared better.... or shall I say more intentionally had I realized...
Whatever...I'm over it. Time to recoup the lost time and deal with it now.
Intentionally!

Working on clothes for my creature things.
Learning some new songs.
Aiming.
and just so you know it works.... I'm on level 22
let me tell you about that.
I used to have this issue about not being able to decide on something that I needed or wanted to do.
Should I ...A) go to the beach or...B) paint a picture...or C) finish these damn dresses...
My focus was all over the damn place and didn't really make any progress towards doing any of those things... even if I should (ha! 'should' fuck that word) or could...(haha! fuck that word too) or needed/wanted to.
So in an effort to direct focus I made a list of 6 things I felt excited about doing (and sometimes chores that must be done, like sewing orders, but I was excited to have them be done).
After I made the list (write it out! no do-overs! with a number beside each...)
I rolled a dice. One dice..which is called a die....but that''s a stupid name...I like dice, so we are going to use it here.
Whatever number it rolled on is the choice....of your focus.
Doesn't matter if the dice rolled into the notebook or onto the floor. re-rolls are only allowed if you can't see the number maybe cause it rolled under something unmovable, or it's tilted askew after stopping (no askew choices allowed, that's bad feng shui)
So if it rolled a 3 and number 3 on your list says go to the beach..... you fucking go to the beach.
Plan it, book it, mark the date and fucking go. (after marking the date, you can make a new list)
You should have realized the dangers I was placing myself in when I first started this.
My first list of 6 included a Nintendo Switch, trip to the beach, a bill paid off, a new water bottle, an SUV, and mulch for my trees....  I ended up getting to pay off a bill.
I didn't have to, but I also got a new water bottle and Teir a Nintendo Switch. Fuck yeah. This was when we were without normal income too, btw. Maybe, I might have had that crap job...
Then I made a new list (Level 2) ....--- now I have a 90% chance of completing whatever the hell I rolled in less than a week. only...maybe 3 took longer. and only 1 I had to redo altogether because it was way too fucking hot to do anything outside and I was tired of waiting.
I now also write in the date I make the list and roll, so I can keep track of how long it takes me.
I have 2 levels where I completed the task in 1 day. (quit job and clean downstairs, lol)
So...now on Level 22 and even though my list has gotten not so brave (like no SUV on my list recently)
I still manage to list scary things like finishing a tree book I'm writing and starting book 5 of Angel of MidKnight.
Try it out sometime. It's fun and I recommend listing things that 'feel' good, not stupid shit. Even if it's a trip to the beach, or Switzerland. DO IT.

Honoring weirdness

So this morning.... I entered into a lucid dream.
Ya know, those kind where you realize you are in the inbetween areas of asleep and awake.
Where you realize that you weren't actually in your body...cause well,
you didn't get out of bed, it would have been much harder than this, feeling.
And I saw a dragon... ok, not a dragon, a banshee.
Anyway.... so I take this opportunity to go find my very good friend.
I go down the hallway...start off walking kinda, then floating...
and I'm like, ok, that's just fine, I'll float then...
go outside... floating, but floating higher and I run into the area above
the garage door...No passing through walls this time buddy.
so I lower down and go outside...
Hubby is there and I ask him where so and so is. He points to the back yard.
I go that way and see who I think is my friend, but ...
more like a doppleganger.
I try to see their face, but they keep looking away.
I ask what's wrong.
They say I dishonored them....
I realize then that this is not my friend and I ask how so.
They say something, but it's in hubby's voice, so I know it's a farce.
I look away thinking okay... subconcious doesn't want to comply today....
there's that dragon... banshee again and it lands just out of view. Damn it.
So I sigh and instead of doing something amazing with my time in the inbetween....
I let this doppleganger who now looks like hubby start kissing on me, haha.
We didn't get far, as I lost it and woke up.

Anyway.... so I realize after the fact that I can't go looking for people in my lucid dream stage
I asked my very good friend and they said that all I had to do was call their name directly....
not ask where so and so was....
ARGH! These short and rare instances and I go and blow it.
How's that for a morning blog post. Day 3
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This is what happens when I have conversations with inter-dimensional beings and
we discuss "honor".
This of course began when Lyriel and I had that week long....class??
I was honoring him by committing to 7 days worth of my time.
really though ...it was to make up for dishonoring him (or my throat chakra if you may)
and make things right.
So....yeah. I learned a lot. And I'm on a resolve to honor them all.
All of them who have the patience to work with me. (or don't....ahem...you know who you are)
This includes father....God energy, spirit, soul, other side world stuff....
(hello, from the other side, right.)
mother.... earth, matter...all atoms in creation. This side if you may. All things brought forth from that side to this side, all creative acts, words, ...thoughts.
the angels. the ....planets?...they might be angels too....but I feel led to call them gods, they are not higher than angels, but certainly on a different plane.... (different to understand, speak differently too)
myself.... which is all of them anyway.
my body.... which is the same thing.
and Jesus.... who said that I already have. And it's His place to honor me.... o..k..
the seraphim.... Right now there's only two that have shown up (there's 4 that I know of)... holy fuck are they intimidating.
Oh...and Theightious. - He's....an underworld....being... I don't know what he is. He is awesome though.
Nichiel too.
and my very good friend....who just said 'shut up' and shook their head in annoyance.

____________________________________________

So that was fun. Feel free to walk away now. I know I'm not suited for this world you live on.
The future is better. Don't worry. Been there too. Still waiting for the cool stuff they are supposed to have already....ugh.
So I worked on these things last night......

They have bodies now...kinda. They aren't done yet obviously. Yay for hair!
This is one part of my otherworldly ideas that are so freaking weird, but insane, that
I have a hard time deciding not to do it. It'll take a lot of time and attention...and
may not ever make money and I'll end up with weird ass shit in my basement...
Fuck yes. I'm oddly okay with that.
This is why I'm not intending to sew custom dresses anymore. I have better things to do.
Like write a script!!! Me and The Boss Man are working on a new story direction with my villain.

Ok, so I have to take the kid to band practice today. Need to go get ready.

 

Not sure where I was headed with this....

Know what I did yesterday?
I threw out all the old applique paper things.
.... those things I use for designs on the dresses I sew.
I threw them away.
  I did keep maybe 10...because they were already made and can be sewn onto something and sold within a short amount of time....maybe. But..... here in deep down....
I don't really care.
I'll probably throw those away this evening too.

I must've slept wrong too, because my spine is feeling defunct.

So...I started working on a screenplay, but have found a black hole of void regarding
my villain. You think this wouldn't be so perplexing... I LIKE villains.
However, I realize that I don't like my current version of him...so...
time to rehash him/them and their story.
This in turns places my hero in a predicament where I like both him and the villain....
how am I supposed to decide who wins then?
..... oh yeah......choose the cute one.....  nevermind.

want to see the board?  Fuck yes you do!! here ya go.

the board is where you can 'see' your outline and make sure your story structure is sound.
You can actually try shaking it and if anything falls loose...well, that's your problem...., lol
no not really.
Anyway, this is first stage...still adding/subtracting.... and trying to form a love relationship with my villain. This is so you don't have to screw things up after you've already started writing the actual script.

Know what else I did....

Painted these things.... (they are clay heads)
Going to make some weird doll things while I watch Survivor.
I have twelve other plans in the misty land of headspace..... none of which I'm going to tell.

It's almost the two year mark on the people (now renting) the other house. Guess what happens on the two year mark.  Yeah....
Last update. One has moved out and the other is still there. Not sure if they are staying or going.
I really don't care. The contract is moot at this point.
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So.... I'm on a mission. 90 days. today is day 2 (aren't I great) I'm here. I wrote.
For a deeper insight....I'll need to come back later or tomorrow.... my brain is going numb at the moment. 

Lave beats snow.

You think you know....
You think you could recognize a mountain in the sky.
A mountain. Tall. Majestic. Unstoppable. Undefiable.
You think one would be aware of such a great creation.

.....until you try to conquer it. To get to know it. To become it.
You try to scale it's towering heights.
You try to taste the cold hard rigidness.
You try to understand it's strength. It's power.
You try to see into it's caverns, crevices, and cracks.
You try....only to fail and find you are more confused.

.....silly child.
Young child, who thinks that because they can't find what they thought
they were looking for, that you were wrong, or in the wrong place.
He didn't laugh, but I noticed the corner of his mouth raise enough into a grin.
This isn't the cold, rocky, snow-covered mountain you were expecting.
Oh no. This is you. And you are not a cold, rocky, snow-laddened hill.
This.....This....is a volcano.
A volcano.
A mountain of fire. Of heat. Of flame. Of power. Of creation.
A mountain that is ALIVE.
A mountain that thunders and shakes.
A mountain that fluctuates and changes.
One that spews forth earth and stars. Crystals and diamonds.
One seen for miles, and affecting miles more.
One seen for it's boding power and strength, but also known to be even stronger.
You could be giving, adding to the land. You could be destructive, devastating all.
You are indeed a mountain.
With a heartbeat of energy. Living earth flowing through your veins.
How is your journey now?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It's December 2017. Water is falling from the sky outside, a rare sight.
The angels and I have conversed frequently, and I've concluded that seven days with Lyriel
has forever changed my life. I'm honored to have committed my time with him.
All have gifted me with broad insight. I'm eager to meet with them again.
I'm still on the lookout for the coming waves. Both of them. However it is unknown what they
are or what they represent. I am only aware that I will stand.
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Sewing is locked. I shut it away in a box and am discovering that I do not need an excuse
to discontinue it's use. I do like money, but .....I like writing and art more.
My first screenplay is up on 'the board' and I'm working on character development and backstory right now.
I have some clay faces I made and am excited to get those to come alive.
I'm making room for possible plans in the future. I'm not sure anyone will help me, but I'm
not asking.
I want to get rid of things. I want to trade them. Trade them for another piece of joy. You'll see what I mean when I show you.


Oh, have to go a package was just delivered. BTW I really like Amazon.

Space Mountain isn't for the skittish.

The planets are pulling...pulling me from that which is known and taking me beyond the darkness into space.
The sun still rises and falls, but the perspective is askew and I no longer am sure of the places I've been, nor have the awareness of the place in which I'm heading.
But....this place I am now....
it's vaguely familiar....like I've met it once before, but at a time in which we had yet to exchange names or shake hands....before we said hello...
familiar.... like family, long forgotten and yet sitting right beside me.... this place.

It's like being focused on a path that I've traveled for awhile now....knowing all her twists, turns, dead ends, valleys, mountains....knowing her thoroughly, yet recently finding that with every turn I remain un-amazed. Like she no longer can fulfill that which my heart desires.
Then something flashes, like a comet in the distance. Something rings out silently, waving from afar, beckoning me to follow it.... but what it is, I can not yet see. Hello there, little thing far far away.....what are you, who are you..... I never saw you coming.
I turn back to look upon my path, but she and I sigh, like a breath of tiredness, of ordinary.... even though we have worked magic in our time.... this star has faded... the warmth in which we began has cooled, we hug, but we must let go....we must find a stronger embrace for ourselves.
It echoes again and I bring my eyes out to meet that foreign object that I can't make out in the dark skies of space. It laughs and smiles and I can hear how it's jumping gleefully trying to get me to reply.
I lift my hand and shake it in a half hesitantly, half welcoming wave. I feel it burst with joy, knowing that I have acknowledged it.
It pulls me....
My current path pushes me and my feet lift away from her. She smiles, wishing me well.
I float as the planets and stars surround me and lift me higher into the night.
The little shining light in the distance dances..... my eyes lock on and I slowly drift its way.

I don't know what's out there.....what will I find....
but I know who it is....
It's a mountain. A mountain with a light atop it glowing.... I know you, because I know myself....
what those definitions and details will be will only be told when we meet up close.
My mountain. One made of  solid steadfastness. of sureness. of unwavering rock.
My winds will not make you flutter, nor will my fire scorch you. My waves will not bring you to your knees and my sorrows will not defeat you. My mountain....
I'm coming. I see you.


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What's happening? ^^^ that up there ^^^

I have a place I work....hahaha! Yeah, I know, weird, right?!
I closed the Hobo Patch.
I still sew....but...um yeah....I'm having trouble keeping my feet on the ground...if you kwim...
I've looking in all the secret places with that....and I'm not finding what I need....so now I'm going to find out what this new thing is over here....
Disney.... we have a date later this year.
Beach..... we totally need to spend some time together.
Sleep..... I appreciate you, btw.

I'm cooking I have to go...more later.