Love will find a way....just give it time.

It's been darker lately.
Even the light of the tiny windows I pass doesn't give this dark tower any joy.
He's been here with me...every step.
"Do you want to go on?" He asks.
"Yes." ....because there's something at the top I want to see...I want to feel...I want to be.

I struggle. Like an old record...I take step after step...and each one is hard. Each one bring more pain.
"Do you want to stop and rest?" He asks.
 I pause, wondering if I want to rest in this place....
"No."  ..... because I'd rather at least rest by a window...any sort of light is better than none.
Sometimes I hate these steps...and these steps burn.

"Is it the step you hate?" He asks. "Or is it the pain it causes you when you take it?"

So it can't be the step.....now can it.
My weak burning muscles....my inability to climb without feeling the burn.
It's something in me that I hate...not the step. This step is only telling me to look to the inside...for it is in the inside that suffers.
And this presses me deeper...farther...higher. I can't form words to tell of the broken parts of myself. But these steps have chosen to reveal them. These steps I love.
"Is he your Lord?" He asks me as I'm caught up in a series of memories.
"No." I shake my head. "You are."
"Then let me be." He kneels down to me with more unspoken words that race through my thoughts like sunbeams. I understand.

"Do you want to continue?" He asks.
"Yes." I nod.....knowing it's darker ahead. Knowing...and loving it still.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

So ....my other life...
this one...a small part perhaps...but most people think of it as my only one.
There's a crack on my mini laptop's screen..... I know who used it last....it still works, thankfully....
Sewing work.... I hate sewing. This job is not very satisfying lately. I'm unenthused and rather bored with it. I need a long vacation. Too bad there's this reliance on some sort of income from it.
The Hobo Patch......waiting on everyone else to do their jobs.... I'm ready when I get certain things from certain institutions.....bummer.
Photography.... I have a job next weekend.
Bills.....hahahahahahaha! I'm really trying hard to find excuses not to pay them. I have failed successfully. I currently own $15 and haven't made a sale in a long time.... please buy something from me.
Kids..... I work too much to plan decent projects/outings/educational activities......however...one has found a liking to an after school program although I guess it will be over in a few weeks....and the other is going to a robotics class this summer....
Weather....rain...nothing but rain. Boooooooo!!!
Garden.... wet and muddy at the moment.
House....the places I use most are clean....does that count.
Me....I'm fine. yeah. whatever. No, I'm dying inside. But I'm happy too....that make sense?
Pets....the cat will not shut up! and the dogs are shedding....the bird is so cute, but likes to pick my zits....the other birds are fine. The ferret is good too.
Dreams....nothing good....
Hubby....let's just say he's that #!$%@# step I love. :)


what else do I do..... lots of stuff....but I find that most of it is not something I would choose.
....... perhaps at another time I'll find something more exciting to write about! :)

My very good friend.... he said that ."....even if we are on different paths, it doesn't mean we won't end up at the same destination...."

The Architect built the lighthouse.
But alas... why do we even need them anymore.
Many are abandoned and forgotten. Left to become a symbol of neglect.
They are cute, perhaps a mirage of design from the past. Towering spires with a flame atop its head.
But nonetheless neglected. Cracking....fading....
Did the Architect think of how it'd be left to face the world alone.

I can't remember when I wrote this.....it was awhile ago....and ..it was a window.