Do you know those times when you really really want to believe in something and you are to the point that it sounds great and fantastic and way too good to be true? Times when you let yourself fall into this illusion of amazement or amusement and you let yourself get carried by the tides and you feel your so close....but yet you still stand outside yourself and watch how you are being deceived and just have to wait for yourself to wake up from the delusion, no matter how grand a delusion it may be.
And then when you finally manage to remember the only thing that really has proven to bring truth and you use that method...you wake up...and you sometimes are sad that you can no longer revel in a dazed bliss of ignorance like everyone else seems to still enjoy, but you have to go on and continue with a better plan....the better plan that was there from the beginning....and you're still happy, but you know you failed to distinguish things in the first place and you wonder if it will happen again...because of this amnesia of forgetting truth....forgetting it over and over...
We forget our teacher...and we start listening to ourselves, and it's when we rely on that...that we fail.
I haven't heard that Voice in many a long time....I could say it has been months, but maybe a week or two....it all feels like eternity either way, and every now and then there's something...but perhaps not the something we hope for...like that radiant joy or unveiling life altering event, sometimes it's just the quiet peacefullness of it, and it's like a calm stream, and we bask in the light of the sun after the rapids, and before what is to come.
We have this way of seeing what our minds cannot see...this stepping outside of ourselves. Here we can see where we've been, where we are, and even what is to come. In this place we can see Him...hear Him. The knowing of the truth and the trial and the thanks. Only when our minds remember this place do we realize we are never alone or forgotten....or ever left in the dark....
It's this world that casts a shadow over our memories and realizations and makes us forget where we came from and where we are going. ...... ...... do not fall asleep in this darkness.... we are not of this world. Stay awake and shine the light. Shine the light. Shine the light.
I've been lazy. I asked the boss man to handle everything for me. If it's complicated, I ask Him to handle it. If it's hard, I ask Him to take care of it. If I just don't want to do it, I ask Him to do it for me.
This seems to be working.... amen.
Oh...and if we love something....even if it's insane and irrational and totally impossible.... love it anyway. God is Love.
Not going to share regular everyday stuff with you this day....not that I don't want to or care at all....but I guess there's just too much to update on and I'm tired. It's now 2:53am and it's bed time and I kinda like sleeping, lol.
ya know.....I think there's something going all wacky lately.... I hope that weird sickness thing I had didn't go and change my dna for the worse.....hrmmm,...... I feel different somehow.... ... oh wow....look, no one to talk to about that....how nice....well....except for my very good friend....so...maybe....
g'night. Love you all. <3
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
maybe one day
Wow. Gotta love this country and it's president. God save us all.
So that's a a huge chunk we no longer get.....and it looks like there might be ample reason to head on over to the human resource department and get some of those handouts they seem to give away all the time over there. Paying for it all anyway, so whats the difference.
Times like this when I really want the world to go to hell and burn in hellfire flames and take our departure into somewhere where there isn't any bullshit crossing the road. You will know exactly what I'm talking about when you receive your paycheck.
Anyway.... other than that predicament.... hubby is broken, I'm brokenish....and now financially broke as well. But, on the good side....I'm very thrilled to announce that this can only get better :)
And I say that with a bullshit smile on my face, haha.
Cause we all know....if this chest issue doesn't go away soon, I'll need to go see a doctor...and then I'll have heart failure or something radical which I can't pay for and then I'll die and then what will you have to read, lol.
Of course, there's ample supply of Judge Judy youtube videos and conspiracy theorists, and rapture people to watch...which I admit that I do watch them, lol. Unfortunately the rapture thing keeps getting pushed back further and further...I'm not sure we'll ever make it to that day ;). The conspiracy people are right on the mark for the most part though. It's like reading a book and already knowing how it ends....and then you turn the page because something just happened to confirm it....hmmm.....but then again, I can say the same thing about some of those end of the world rapture videos too. Judge Judy is just for fun...that and those stupid funny cat videos.
Well....I'm not quite sure what happened with that job....haven't heard back from them....and I'm not going to do anything about it. No longer care. I'm suffering at the moment right now anyway.
In other worldly news...the boss man is on hiatus. Can't seem to locate Him.... :( ... but maybe it;s just me and my amnesia or something.... I luckily have a very good friend though who keeps me in check.
...do you realize that its a bit strange that I sometimes talk about things on here or especially my deviant art page and then they end up happening....weird.
Need to start talking about departing, so we can get on our way already.
I'm about to go crazy dealing with people....and I do not think I will ever do anything for anyone ever again. I'm so frustrated! Why do people do what they do and just not give an ounce of consideration to anyone else?! Really!? I can try and try and try to be a selfish ass all damn day, but that isn't going to make my moral consideration disintegrate. I can talk shit all day on here, but I'm not going to purposely cause a disservice to anyone else. Damn people....what is wrong with you?!
It would be like someone reading all this horseshit and trying to figure out who I am, lol. I'm multipolar....like a star....and truthfully, I'm an outcast of many sorts and there's probably something wrong with me socially and lately physically, and even though I would like to be someone else or act differently, I'm pretty happy being me anyway....(except for this current issue) and once I start feeling better I can share more....but tonight, I'm just out of it. And now I'm tired and sad and I need to finish my list so I can get what I need tomorrow.....
So that's a a huge chunk we no longer get.....and it looks like there might be ample reason to head on over to the human resource department and get some of those handouts they seem to give away all the time over there. Paying for it all anyway, so whats the difference.
Times like this when I really want the world to go to hell and burn in hellfire flames and take our departure into somewhere where there isn't any bullshit crossing the road. You will know exactly what I'm talking about when you receive your paycheck.
Anyway.... other than that predicament.... hubby is broken, I'm brokenish....and now financially broke as well. But, on the good side....I'm very thrilled to announce that this can only get better :)
And I say that with a bullshit smile on my face, haha.
Cause we all know....if this chest issue doesn't go away soon, I'll need to go see a doctor...and then I'll have heart failure or something radical which I can't pay for and then I'll die and then what will you have to read, lol.
Of course, there's ample supply of Judge Judy youtube videos and conspiracy theorists, and rapture people to watch...which I admit that I do watch them, lol. Unfortunately the rapture thing keeps getting pushed back further and further...I'm not sure we'll ever make it to that day ;). The conspiracy people are right on the mark for the most part though. It's like reading a book and already knowing how it ends....and then you turn the page because something just happened to confirm it....hmmm.....but then again, I can say the same thing about some of those end of the world rapture videos too. Judge Judy is just for fun...that and those stupid funny cat videos.
Well....I'm not quite sure what happened with that job....haven't heard back from them....and I'm not going to do anything about it. No longer care. I'm suffering at the moment right now anyway.
In other worldly news...the boss man is on hiatus. Can't seem to locate Him.... :( ... but maybe it;s just me and my amnesia or something.... I luckily have a very good friend though who keeps me in check.
...do you realize that its a bit strange that I sometimes talk about things on here or especially my deviant art page and then they end up happening....weird.
Need to start talking about departing, so we can get on our way already.
I'm about to go crazy dealing with people....and I do not think I will ever do anything for anyone ever again. I'm so frustrated! Why do people do what they do and just not give an ounce of consideration to anyone else?! Really!? I can try and try and try to be a selfish ass all damn day, but that isn't going to make my moral consideration disintegrate. I can talk shit all day on here, but I'm not going to purposely cause a disservice to anyone else. Damn people....what is wrong with you?!
It would be like someone reading all this horseshit and trying to figure out who I am, lol. I'm multipolar....like a star....and truthfully, I'm an outcast of many sorts and there's probably something wrong with me socially and lately physically, and even though I would like to be someone else or act differently, I'm pretty happy being me anyway....(except for this current issue) and once I start feeling better I can share more....but tonight, I'm just out of it. And now I'm tired and sad and I need to finish my list so I can get what I need tomorrow.....
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