Well hello.
What was that again about me jumping off that cliff....? This has been quite an extraordinary experience thus far, and things of unique perspective are compressing rather quickly into this feeble mind of mine. I should write WOW! because that is what it is...but also GRRR! or OMG! or ......! or WTF? or holy crap! among other things. Very interesting and involving and I have learned many new ways of looking at things.
Now there's this problem of being lost that is at times overwhelming, if not underwhelming. Times of considering doing a mind dump, times of frustration, times of doubt and uncertainty...as if we could ever be certain. Times of knowing that knowing is never going to come to completion. Times of nothing having meaning, to everything having meaning. This unending turmoil of having 2 eyes. Damn having 2 eyes, when being a cyclops would be what we should be aiming for.....assuming we aim for the eye that looks within.
So what does this mean....this means I have had more to write than I have time to write. More to say without more to listen. There's been this annoying gnawing dilemma of knowledge that I think I've lost a friend. Maybe intuition on part, as I try to overlook things, but I'm feeling that feeling to where it just isn't all that great in the matter. If I just could add to this....I've lost many things since this deliberate lunge into the sky. The boss man.....my boss man. He's watching....that silent look. The one where I can feel the stare, but I can't see the face....there is no longer a face and this is enough to drive me mad, in both ways....crazy, angry....whatever. We've had a discussion....and since these new bits of incredible wisdoms have come my way, I know this insane separation won't be forever....but better....always better. My very good friend is ever present though...hooray!
So, besides this crazy whirlwind which I have a love/hate relationship with, and besides the losing of a friend (I guess), I've gained one, and this is an awesome turn of events. I hope when the whirlwind ride is over, I can keep the friend.
Ok, other news besides ramblings in my brain to which you really have no clue to what I'm saying....
I'm out of money and this is no fun. Sometimes I complain I'm broke, but that really just meant that I didn't have money to spend on something extra....and now I'm thinking I was being to egocentric and selfish. I apologize and am currently working on this aspect of myself. This lesson is indeed a main point to this leg of the journey of falling into the sky as stated above. Hard, yes. Difficult, annoying, harsh, painful....oh yes. Necessary....definitely. I shall accept this challenge.
Of course, now I'm really really broke....and it's at the point of being achingly terrible and pleasantly peaceful at the same time. ...what was I saying about 2 eyes again?.... another love/hate relationship. Fixing to close one eye, because I know this is just part of the experience.
Let's see.....I have sewing work to do...of course, and successfully killed my sewing machine the other day. (This one lasted the longest so far! I'm proud of it!) And now have utilized the new one. We are getting to know each other still and right now we stand at a 'I like when you work correctly' relationship, otherwise...I can't really get mad since it's been sitting in my closet for a year.
Luckily my order list isn't as oppressive as it once was, yet, I still feel swamped mentally. I haven't gotten any new orders yet in a while either, which always puts me in fret mode, but then again, I haven't had a sale or listed new things or told everyone I was open for orders....because really I would like to one day get finished with current orders so I can do absolutely nothing for 3 days. As we all know, that on the 4th day...I will want to sew...and what I sew will be amazing. Yes, yes it will be.
My laptop is still somewhere trying to get fixed...and book 3 is eating at me.....I don't like writing on this computer because I can't relax in bed :/ someone needs to hurry up.....though I don't really know who has it, lol.
Anyway....I don't have much to share besides more otherworldly ideologies. Nothing about god or Jesus or death or very good friends or aliens or end of the world stuff or dreams....
Cyclops? did I really write that, hahaha....I like Wolverine better.
Vacation next week! Not looking forward to the drive, but I get to sees me family, and drag everyone out for a photoshoot!!! I hope it doesn't rain... O__O !!! And yes, I'm still obsessed with photo taking fun. Things have picked up about 10% from last year...so we shall see where this leads....but no, I'm not ready to jump off any more cliffs for awhile...I'm still falling from the last time....have to get my feet back on the ground first. Regain that sense of purpose and assured-ness.
So, well, it's 4:23am....I've got to go to sleep peeps. Later, maybe I can be more in depth and detailed for you next time....not going to hold your hand to walk you through my storm until you understand...I don't care if you understand....but maybe I can share insight....with that 1 eye instead of 2. ;)
Don't suffer your host, have pity that she gave herself up for you.
Cover thine eyes and let thy sights be set upon the winds of thine heart. Time folds upon the lives and light ripples through the cosmos, still we shall hear the sounds and dance within the memories of thy kingdom.
