P.S. just an insight to keep in sight

 You know something... I had a post about not picking up the shovel...yet what did I do, two or so weeks after that..
I shoveled 45 loads of mulch dirt...

and I get it, that the analogy was about not picking up tasks to make money or get something from...

but the wreckage of coincidence sure is something, eh?

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that's all I came to say really.

of course, I didn't earn money shoveling mulch...
I offset the cost of mulch next spring for years though.
and this is stupid... this whole idea of costs and earnings and money in general.
I quit.

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There's this choice of leaving behind stupid shit.
not like stop acting like a kid or giving up donuts...
but of the whole assembly of how we perceive and receive all the pieces of this matrix system.
It is over. We don't half-ass choices here anymore...
and my consistency game is god level... something I can sit beside with trust in that

Really non stupid chaos coming soon.... it'll be lit.

just practicing writing so I can write a book soon

 45 truck loads of mulch by the way. a few bruises, some strained arms, maybe some more defined muscles... and the conundrum that I'm so unfamiliar with how to celebrate such an achievement...
Dinner out is meh... we don't need a reason to buy something either... a party and drinks out is for those normal people... food is meh... although I would love some steaks in bulk...if only I didn't have to buy them..*sigh...what is money again? What is celebrating anyway...being happy?? I'm happy anyways... weird that this is a strange anomaly...


I'm sad....cause I'm reading book 7 ...and it's going too fast...and I hate it, cause instead of reading book 8 next, I'll need to write it first  :(...
not that I don't enjoy writing and being surprised at what happens...but because it'll be slow... but maybe that's what I like anyway...and argh..
Maybe I'll make it 1000 pages and slow down the story a whole bunch so I can linger in it when I read it...

I'm still waiting for the first sentence to show up. Or the first scene perhaps... but while I kinda have a very very rough and half assed outline, we all know it'll be moot after so long...
How does it start, idk... I'm thinking it'll go deeper rather than more trauma for my characters...cause I love them and they be needing some well earned rest from trauma...
oh wait...

Also still writing the other book...which I'm not sure where it's headed right now, things have shifted tremendously the last few months. It's not long enough... I want longer. Way way longer so when I ever read it again, it'll be a long long long time before I'm finished...
cause who doesn't want to spend extra time with The Alchemist?

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So...look...this meditation thing, I've been fairly consistent with, but while I'm *winning... it's way different and my mind and body want me to do it awake...which is a whole different thing than sitting with my headphones and eye cover... but fulfilling and while I haven't predicted too much of the future in front of people for kicks... I have a strong inkling that I could manifest easily anything I want.
(not that I couldn't anyway), however, I'd usually have to really really want it.
I'm pretty sure that's no longer a requirement anymore... it's pretty cool.

And art... I think I'll do that without hating on it and being a complete judgemental ass with myself about it. ( I think, don't hold me to it...) - I started to sketch something out, but I was totally like, I don't want to sketch it at all...so I erased whatever I started and now that my commissions are finished, I can begin on it... it's one of my dice game rolls anyway...which I am also *winning.

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I call dibs next life on my hubs.
You can't have him.


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I still look at you with eyes that want you.
When you move you make my oceans move too.
When I hear my name, I will run your way.
Can we say that we love each other?
Can we play like there ain't no other?
When I hear my name, I will run your way.


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Working the soil is not the same as working the soul

 It's been day 5 of shoveling mulch dirt.
About 33 truck loads so far, filled and emptied... and why does it seem emptying it is harder, even if it's a tad bit faster...
Still have another 2 days to go... and maybe arms will forget what they've done today and be refreshed to do it again tomorrow.

I'll need to pull out me master gardener card for next spring and actually know what to do.
Which also means I will not be consulting google or the back of the seed packets...or anything of the sort.
Intuitive stuff works better...
and there's times and often all the times...when your own inner guidance and knowledge will show up when it's needed...and you can actually stop relying on shit information on the internet, books, or people.
You can totally ask those who play Jeopardy with me, how well guessing works out for me.

All this mulch was free.
Another one of those recent waterfalls of abundance that happened to end up my way.
And maybe we are growing a garden here.
Not necessarily the plants next spring, but a garden of abundance.
These things that have been given.
These blessings of hidden and surprising instances.
The forethoughts and preparations for things handed out like candy on Halloween.
But there's all treats and the trick isn't really a trick.

Yeah, we have to move this dirt from the front to the back..
but even in that, we are earning a billion and one exercise points, warm weather to grace us this week, and a few bruises and scratches and blisters.
And we got to spend time together (?) at least that's what I'm calling it.
Dirt that makes us grow strong and resilient.
A garden full of appreciation, love, consideration, connection.
Embodiment of our discipline and character.
Richness and health of the earth we live upon, live in, within our bodies.

and maybe I just want to say how much I love the hubs for all that he does
supporting this chaos and nonsense and surprise avalanches of gifts

and maybe a pre rescue from the up and coming apocalypse we are all waiting for...why not, eh

dirt does a body good.
and grows a soul too.

____and while we are on that subject... it's like growing that forest of yourself...
but it's grown and rich and luscious and soon the rain will come and we can rest in that dense canopy and undergrowth and fell complete and safe and carried and loved and honored and provided for...
Of which we always are.

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Book 8 is about gonna drown me if it doesn't come out soon...and I'm literately waiting for a sentence to hit my conscious...you know, the first sentence...that's all I need.
and I'm reading book 7 to remember what all I started and ended at, lol.
Soon! Cause it's drilling my mind and replaying scenes and I need to bleed it out.