Can you tell this is a bit disgruntled?

It's late, as usual, and not much time to throw out some words your way. Much time consuming feats have been the jist of the month/year/day/hour. Not much of relaxation or getting to live life, more than just living through it. We will have to work on that.
Feeling disgruntled today. Disgruntled at the human population who are worthless and those who never want to better themselves. Namely people whom seem to find their way to rent from us. Idiots. I do hope they discover the living wholesome life sometime before rotting into the depths of filth from being idiots. Not sure how we end up with these type of people, but good gosh it really needs to stop.
Disgruntled at issues involving cash flow. Not that money is all that great....but it is so much better than not having it. Disgruntled at the 'system' of society and all it's wily ways, all its tricks and deceptions, all its filth.
Disgruntled that the one, maybe 2 people I'm looking for are not being very cooperative. Disgruntled that even talking to one of them seems to be an ongoing challenge, and it shouldn't be. Disgruntled that this leap off the cliff is proving to be a tedious venture to which the ending is hidden. As are things like, the path, the signs, the sunlight...oh just about everything.
I guess this is where that stuff they call faith should kick in....but that word is lame. Poor letters trying to hold up a great deed. Let's change it to something more appealing. Because the eyes are the only thing that can still see at the moment....how about resolve. Maybe, idk. One of those, I chose this so now I have to follow through kind of things. Yeah, close enough even if the word still sounds lame.

Had some messed up dreams lately. There were two I can remember that might be worthwhile.....
One was with Obama...(ugh) he was sitting across from me in a chair (like an interview of some sort) talking talking talking....about something or another, none of it was actually answering the questions he was given. And I remember just giving up trying to get answers from him and I leaned over (like little old ladies do) and patted his knee. I said "Don't you worry, everything will be just fine." ..... I knew whatever plans he had were going to fail in the long run. I knew he would fall no matter what grand schemes he had set up. He's a loser, we already know who wins.

The other one was weird, but I liked it because Vin Diesel was in it and he's my adopted brother :) --, anyway we all (the fam) were in a large grocery store without a roof (I think), but many of the items on the shelves were gone. We were checking every aisle to try and find things we needed. Vin was in the same store and I was happy to meet him. We said hi then went on our way shopping. After awhile, for some reason it ended up with me and the boy on the other side of the store (there was a small lake here, and trees, but the aisles were on the other side of the lake.) and it was night all of a sudden....I looked and there was a solar eclipse happening (in the dream I thought it was a lunar eclipse, since it was dark out) and I remember sitting down so we both could see the eclipse from behind the trees. It had a black center with a golden ring all the way around it perfectly. I was pointing at it so the boy could see too. I remember thinking it looking like a wedding ring. Then Vin came by and sat next to us as we watched the eclipse....but it never moved? Woke up not long after that.
Now the thing is lunar eclipses don't leave a ring around it, only solar eclipses do that. Not sure where the rest of my fam went either. But it was nice to meet Vin, haha.


Ok...um...what else. Sewing work as usual, photoshoot stuff, ideas that never seem to get attention :( , renter pains, employment pains, health pains, though I'm feeling betterish lately. This odd sense of "............" it weird....like an impending 'thing' or time or something. What is it!? It's like manna. Maybe if the boss man would help me out in deciphering some things, this 'thing' thing wouldn't be so annoyingly impending.... I feel like its some catastrophe waiting to happen, but no idea what it has to do with anything. :/ disgruntled...and waiting for some signs.
And I'm not talking about harbingers of doom signs. No, not like the oarfish found near Los Angeles, although last time they found those suckers dead was just before the huge quake in Japan.... and two already within the area around california...whatever.....my dream said it was going to happen in Oregon, but my dreams don't know anything really.
Oh, and the tidal wave, tsunami, missile thing that hits NY...whatever....I don't live there, nor want to. I was there in my dream when it got hit with a tsunami....don't want to do that again.
No sudden wake up dreams though which is a good sign, because those happen like the same day. Whew!
Comet Ison coming in a few weeks! Who's excited!? Me! I like cool cosmic art. And the fact when it passes by (assuming it doesn't burn up around the sun) is when we are doing family photos, so I hope to capture it in the background :) or at least I can photoshop it into the pics anyway, lol. Of course the possible debris field we pass through should be a fun show as well.
This is all relying on the fact this comet is a comet and not some space UFO thing....considering youtube people like to photoshop pics and/or they are telling a different side of the story and that thing is not a comet after all...who knows. I'll still take pictures....unless it is a UFO...well then, I'm out man...not touching that crap.

I had a thought today.....what if we are the demons that possess humans....instead of the other way around?

Bye bye birdie.....

You can learn a lot from a little bird.
This post has been a while in coming...and I really had to think about how to go about an instance like this. So I gave it a few days from said incident. And yeah...things are proceeding once again in some form of direction toward the better. If you know what I mean. not forward exactly, more upward I would say. Or is it inward?? Outward? It is really hard to put a definition on such a deep level. Another dumping of the comfortable safety net. Another shedding of this false grasp of truth. Another plunge of the cliff and into the depths....or solo flight....but not so solo... I'm really bad at describing on a linear level, bare with me in my terminologies.


So a busy day on Gunbarrel road...just like any other, but more so, as it was a weekday and closer to rush hour (yeah, 'what the heck, let's go shopping in the late afternoon' bad idea). Leaving the Wal-Mart parking lot (we went to Joann's....even though I HATE Joann's!!) and so while making a left hand turn....there was this little birdy. Baby bird perhaps? That's what I assumed. Smack dab in the middle of my lane near the middle of this packed full of cars 4-way red light. Yes, I saw it. Yes, it was still alive.
So I stopped....kinda....I slowed stopped-ish.
"Should I stop? there's freaking cars everywhere!" Is there anyone behind me? Hell if I know!" "There's at least 10 cars to my right making the same left turn much faster than I" ....thoughts running through my head... "I know I wouldn't hit it if I kept going forward." "If I get out will I get smacked from a car behind me? "Will I get run over by my own truck?" "Shit, what do I do!!?"

So judging by the fact I was more concerned with safety...I kept going...missing the bird, and even after going super slow so I could pull to the right into a parking lot to go save the bird....I couldn't get over...hence the other 10 or so vehicles speeding on that same left turn out of wal-mart.......so I went forward to turn left to turn around to go back and save the bird....couldn't really get left either due to freaking five hundred cars. Eventually I got back into the wal mart parking lot, made a u-turn and went back out and turned right to get to where the bird was.....little bird is dead. Son of a bitch.
Now this pisses me off. Not only because I could have simply saved it had I pushed the idea that getting hit in the first place out of my head...but because out of the five hundred other drivers literately parked at the red light....that no one else did anything either. What about the drivers in the lane not even 10 feet from this bird...at least 6 had a clear view. What about the drivers going straight? What about the others turning right? Did everyone fail? We all effing suck. And I hate that we suck and evidently can't rely on anyone else to pull us through our challenges or fears.

And this is what I told the boss man. Yeah, the same boss man waiting with me on the hillside. That same one that sometimes doesn't say a word and it drives me crazy.
thanks for helping out, eh?
"What did the little bird teach you?" so He asks..... Him and His questions....always questions....
That life is messy...and fragile...and chaotic...and heartless...heartfull...and full of fear...and love....just a little bit.
"Where was I?" He asks....
Here on this hilltop....I wanted to blurt out....but no...that would be the wrong answer. We all know where He was. There on the inside....always with us. But I didn't get that awesome memory of Him and His "Take hold" lesson. I didn't remember that "Stand up." order. No, none of that nice happy talk that gets you through the night, but can never get you through the day. Never even thought of Him while this helpless creature paraded with giant metal toys.... what were we thinking of....oh, um, obviously the bird...and getting run over...and frustration that everyone was in my way....and disgust that there was no hope outside of oneself.
So ...here's the lesson... because of this blessed little bird.
Whatever verse you cling to....whatever memory you have, no matter how wonderful...whatever thought, idea, prayer, notion, wish, hope, or dream.....none of that really matters at crunch time. It matters, yes, but not in the moment of challenge.
Do you know what does matter?
Imminent self reliance and self awareness. Being fully there. ... not in your head thinking about getting hit or ran over by your own truck...not thinking about attempting to do something a safer, possibly better way. But only being present.
You know the boss man can't ever be present without us. Well, duh.

So did I say hilltop? Let's move over to that cliff again. Yeah..that one, where we leave this sweet comfortable place of communion and give ourselves over to our own wreckless abandon.
Because where we are, He is too.

So begins a new day, and one day we have to get this right, and one day we will make it to that finish line. ... and I'm far from close to it. I suck. But sometimes little birdies lead us forward..well, up..out..in...whatever...lead us on to new horizons.... and we say farewell to the hilltop set below the stars. Where the boss man speaks with His questions, and fills us with answers, and now we are moving....almost running. Let us begin.


So...what else goes on in my life? Obviously this type of stuff takes up 50% of my day. All this thinking and evolutionizing illumination spiritual growth stuff. The rest is divided between family and work, a little bit of conspiracy theory entertainment, along with analyzing the human condition, pets, housework, and unfortunate issues regarding health and wellness.
Possible new employees, check. Funds in the bank again, check. Sewing orders not death sentences of doom until Tuesday, check. A rather late coming convo with the stressed out hubby, check. A jump from the cliff cause we are going to have to get this self reliance thing mastered, check. Kids are happy, check. Pets are still alive, check. House is full of food, check. Bills are paid, check....except for a check to one of my employees who forgot to remind me to pay her before she went home. :P Sewing prep for the week done, check.

What else... plans for month include work, stuff, this, that, Halloween!, photoshoot!, picking up my chicken (Zaycon foods, real all natural chicken for only $1.39lb...Publix has the same stuff for 7.39lb..I know, because I have to buy it because the regular store kind has lactic acid (milk product juice) on it.) Looking for a refrigerator and a small short deep freezer if anyone knows of a lead. Probably have lots to do tomorrow and this coming week, but for tonight we aren't going to worry about it. Talk to you all later. it is late and I have to help with the girl's costume and then I'm going to bed.
And by the way. The boss man is awesome, even if He sends you little birds which you fail to rescue. :(

Oh...and the new 100 dollar bills show another nuclear missile, and tidal wave/tsunami in a big city.... and I heard somewhere something about a ship in New York Harbor.... hmmm. No one wants to comment on these whacked conspiracy theories?? Lol, dang I wish more people would share thoughts about those.... You all are no fun. :/ Some of you can talk about the Living Dead or Breaking Bad all day, but not anything closer to possible truth. I watch a few dumb reality shows occasionally, and late night talk shows....but these funny people on youtube are more entertaining to me, lol.

yeesh.... it's sooo late.

Guess what? ...... nope, never mind.

hoping for a break

ARGH!!!! So the last $200 cash we had stowed away is gone...well, except for about $1, lol. I hate being broke.
Just sitting here waiting and hoping that hubby gets to go to work tomorrow...as well as like every work day through the rest of the month too. And hoping I sell some easy simple quick sets, cause being broke is no fun. Other than that, having eggs and bananas again is quite nice. Really hoping the renters pay up closer to due date and not after I have to call them...grrr.
While we are at it, I also hope I get 5 orders completed by Monday. I hope unexpected money of substantial amount appears in my mailbox too (yes, that is always awesome!). I hope hubby's paycheck isn't as low as it probably is due to no work half of last week. I hope my fingers get better....(yeah, I sliced one cutting a potato and at least 3 others are nicked from stupid pins from all those appliqued tees I did the other day!). I hope no one orders an appliqued tee for awhile. I hope they won't (or will) get scared away when I raise the prices of those yet again. I hope I can get things prepped and organized for some new possible employees....and I hope they are really good.....but I also hope I have money to pay them, lol. My other 2 employees are awesome, but dang it if I ain't already broke, hahaha. Here's to hoping this is not long lasting. I hope I won't follow in the footsteps of the government, lol. I hope.
But we all know hope is this word that doesn't really do anything for us. We know it is there to fill in a space in a sentence. Its there to appear as if it has something to do with enabling good things to come our way. But does it....well, no, not really. It's more like some term we use to show how powerless we are to the forces surround and controlling our circumstances. Hope is nothing but a word. One void of action. One without cause or complaint. One without value. Hope is in fact not useful.
Hubby's check was not great as expected. And next weeks will now be just as bad. The renters will most likely be late again, and we won't hear from them until after numerous calls....again as expected. As far as sales....I can't rightly post new items until I have a cleared up order list, and etsy is slow to say the least. My fingers will grow back, no big deal. The check in the mail....well, it happens more often than you think. And for employees...I'll see what I can do with that tomorrow.
So hope couldn't affect any of these things. Nope.
So let's move on to better things....what does affect them....what can change them to make them not so irritating?
Simple. Don't let them irritate you.
After all.....it's just money. And everything will be taken care of in time. No worries here, even if they are a pain in the ass. Things will settle and times of better fortune will arrive eventually. When at least one things sells for me, it has been almost like clockwork that I suddenly sell 10 more just after....this always happens....like ALWAYS. Now with employees.....psh...sometimes you get the 'this is totally not going to work out' people....ok much of the time...and then sometimes, you find someone willing to learn and work hard at it and get better. Finding these is worth putting up with the painful experiences of 'searching' for good help. Of course there's still the issue of money to pay them...hmmm...
Now all we have to do is hope that this up and coming comet Ison is going to wreck havoc on the world...or not....and makes a spectacular photograph at least. Sweet. Of course after watching all my crazy people on youtube (whom think that it is the end of the world, lol) I've got to say that people are insane.....and I like it that way. I hope you don't take that the wrong way.