Shopping trips on the way to goodness

Treadmill with a brand name and a screen that's not the small one... plus shipping and taxes and ifit...
$1900 something... I may have to get a set of dumbells too $200
Linen bedsheet sets that are the most gorgeous colors in all the lands...
$750 something
Ikea storage cabinets and bookcase...
$1200 I don't know how much taxes and shipping are cause I haven't clicked 'check out'
Carpet and linoleum for the big room...
$800 ish or so. This is a guess
A cordless saw because we use the fuck outta these things...
$120 we already have batteries, huzzah!

everything else I can get off Amazon is free, I have $300 of Amazon points/cash to use.
Here's to using my card over the year *cheers!

welcome to $5000 not even Christmas can catch me

So...

Tile up
Tile down and cut
Tile glued
Tile grout and sealed/pick up linoleum/order carpet
Linoleum down
Wall and stuff out
Carpet down
Treadmill, cabinets, tv up.
Cabinets filled/get rid of excess

and I have sewing orders showing up sometime or another

Let's fucking DO THIS!

Also....
AZ card paid off
God bless you Paypal for buying shit for me and me paying you later and you don't cost me anything extra to use and I can throw my cash in crypto.... and make money!

____________________

It's been two handfuls of hours and change of plans....
linoleum first, then carpet... then cabinets...

It ended up being a treadmill AND weights
...a circular saw AND an automatic staple gun... cause hands <3

the sheets are in my cart and I'm waiting for the coupon that hits tomorrow

scratch that... Australia is already tomorrow... ha!
I just have to wait to get them in.
all good


_____
hmmm...
'none of it is my energy'

I was looking to get the cabinets... but was feeling shaky energy...
but I found the coupon code for black friday and was gonna order them...
but found out they won't ship to me...
and they are out of stock at the closest store...
and they won't ship to store...

It wasn't me and my energy that was causing anything...
it was me receiving and picking up on the energy of 'it'...
I'm the vessel
I'm the receiver... the space, the holder, the receiver, the decipherer of what the 'other thing' is channeling.
WOW!

______

.


I swear I don't usually just spend money like it grows on trees...  (I can do what I want)
anyway.... hitting up the home depot and key's carpet place Friday
laying that linoleum Saturday

I don't know when my sewing order material will get here, but that is gonna pay for this project...
and that needs sewn up by Dec 12th... I think it's like 8 dresses...


ok, getting off of here... laters!

Advice 101 - Meditation and thought clearing.

 Heya!
Always feel free to take what resonates and discard the rest, or tweak it til you can feel it move something for you. Nothing is ever set in stone, not even stone itself.

I find it good to first clear, then organize, then make changes and rewrite/invite the new in.

While you can go as far as erasing all your past, your past thoughts, your past experiences to have a clear slate, sometimes it's not for everyone. I offer to start clearing where you are feeling the most struggle for now.
Look inwardly to refocus on the patterns and beliefs and behaviors you find yourself reliving day by day. Those that don't bring you any peace or joy, but have become habits, things you fall back to fill your time, or do to avoid other things, or emotions you find repeating that you no longer want to experience.
This can be simple things like turning on the tv or scrolling social media just so you don't look at yourself or your emotions or your situation in general. (Not saying vegging out on a series or game or tik tok is a bad thing, but it has to be a conscious choice to engage with it, not just a unconscious habit).
It can also come up as not being able to sit still, not being able to handle silence for very long, or constantly looking for external things or tasks to cover up just 'being'.
Some can do meditation and get past these types of issues, some do arts/music/etc... Everyone is different and different things work better for some than others. Meditation is easier to quiet your thoughts and enter a space of just being as you are going to be aware of it more so than if you are painting a picture or playing a song. Some don't like that or claim they can't and then always have to have the stimuli from elsewhere.
With clearing, it's about recognizing what thoughts or behaviors you do not want to see yourself doing again. Emotions you don't want to fall right back into because of A, B, or C.
When you begin to recognize those patterns, that is when you can change them. No one can do it before they see them, but once you do...that's an open door to clear them our and change them to what you do want.
This is easier once you can 'just be' for at least 15 minutes per day. Morning, afternoon, evening...it doesn't really matter. Do the 15 minutes to just sit and be with yourself. Watch your thoughts do that thought thing, feel what comes up, recognize things you no longer want.
When you catch one. Call it out. Speak it out.  (When we give it physicality, we can change it faster)

"Those thoughts are not beneficial to who I want to be."
"I am open to receiving support and abundance."
"I I know what is for me will come to me, no matter if I do something or not."
"I am allowed to feel safe, secure, and joyful."
"I am worthy of having, receiving, creating, and spending money."
"I am a safe space for all my needs and desires to come."

Use whatever words resonate with you. Lean more toward the issues you are wanting to change.
If it's about health, focus on words that feel uplifting in that area. Same with money, support, abundance, connection, etc.
You'll know when you hit the right spot, you'll feel your emotions wring around something.
When that happens, sit with that and allow those emotions to be seen as you keep soothing it with the words that support that opening.

It's like having your inner child hiding in a dark corner. And that inner child is the one struggling with the big things. And you merely need to be the awareness that can allow that child to have a safe space to be seen, heard, felt, and acknowledged....then allowed...then loved.
Often an emotion is stuck in a certain spot in our body, and we can talk to it and coax it out of it's hiding spot with allowing, understanding, and shining a light on that shadow. It too will emerge when we give it enough space and patience...and then once you can see and hear it...give it love. IT WILL TRANSMUTE and leave.

So clear out whatever is coming up as soon as you see it, or when you have a moment to 'just be' with whatever thoughts you are no longer wanting to carry.
When you say, "I'm broke. I can't pay that."
Catch it. Correct it.
"Actually, I'm open to all sorts of money. I'm secure in knowing that everything works out."

When you catch a thought that says "My boss never gives me a break."
Catch it, correct it.
"My boss does his thing, and I am not defined by anything he says. I do my job well. I will have plenty time to rest."

Even one step better is better than no step at all.
You may not want to say "I am the richest dude in town!" cause your beliefs behind that will not let you skip 500 steps in one jump. But you can move one step or a few steps at a time.
"I'm pretty good at making my money go far. I'm getting better every day."
"I love having extra money in my wallet. And in my car....and in my bank. Where else could I put extra money?!"

Your energy creates your reality. So make sure you aren't repeating sluggish, limiting patterns, thoughts, emotions, or behaviors.

___________________________

Once you get pretty clear on clearing....
Move to organizing the thoughts that do support you into which ones feel better and which ones are just 'meh'. Give the best ones the most of your time. Do another 15 minutes. Feel the good ones, over and over. Repeat and choose which ones feel as uplifting as you can go. Make an effort to know what you like and what you don't.   (There are soooo many who don't know themselves! And unless you know yourself, at least a little about what you DO like, you can't move forward toward something if you don't even know what that even is!)

Then change and tweak and add in some things that are the next steps for you.
"My past is not going to tell me my future. I have decided that I will _____."
"I will love myself through the hard times and forgive them all....and I will step forward toward _____."
"Money used to be a struggle, but I choose to have this kind of relationship with it now _______."
"I may remember when I felt defeated, but I also remember that I can choose to _______."

Whatever words and sentences and such that confirm your new choices for you.
Ones that feel uplifting, supportive, and are just a few steps away (not a huge jump into millionaire kingdom, even though sometimes that's fun to revel in.)


I also want to invite you to check out some of Kyle Cease's work. He has some youtube video's out there. (newer ones)....
He has a thing where you write out your future as if you already lived it.... like "I remember how in December of 2021 _______________all this great stuff happened... etc etc....   "
It really feels weird to do, but it opens up your walls around beliefs a bit and you can project yourself forward past whatever issues you are struggling with today....and clarify a bit about where you do want to go and what you do want to experience. I don't always do this, but when I did, many of the things I had written happened....so it's like a vision board in the future/past... lol.
It's called 'kylego' so maybe you can do a vid search for it to explain better than I did.


Don't let one more shit thought pass by you without being called out.
Don't let one more repeated unconscious behavior or pattern play out without you being the director of it with intention.
Don't let one more emotion go unfelt or covered up for very long. (I know we can't always deal with it in the moment, but we can revisit it soon to fully let it be seen and moved up and out.)
I use the chakra system to move stuck energies through meditation, so if you are able to feel emotions stuck in certain areas of your body, I have a few meditations I can send you if you'd like.
Take serious time (even if it's just that 15 minutes) to do the work. There are thousands of layers and while we don't all have to go through them all, it's great when you find one that works and clears for you. Sometimes one step is actually 100, and sometimes one step is just 1....but it's all worth it.

You got this.
You've got support everyfuckingwhere!
I know you are a thriver, and you get to enjoy life, not just live it.
You should move somewhere warm, lol. Alaska is too cold and grumpy....but you can be the happiest mthfckr there when you decide that's who you are. <3


_______________________________________________
___________________________________________________


just wrote this out for someone this morning I didn't get too deep into it, but it's a quick general guide. Enjoy! -----
If you're new to meditating, no worries, just take 15 minutes or so to be with yourself. Somewhere quiet and undisturbed/undistracted. Sit comfortably, in a chair is perfectly fine. Close your eyes and give a few moments to just relax your body. Sink into the chair releasing bodily tension.
If you have thoughts racing through your mind, just let them, don't grasp into them and try to stop them, just let them race through, like you're watching and not controlling their flow.
The more allowing you can be for them, the more they will fade out. Sometimes it takes a few meditations if you have lots of racing thoughts, all good.
When working with inner emotions and blockages, we are merely just falling into allowing.
Give your attention to parts of your body.
If you are familiar with chakras, those will be the main areas to bring attention to one at a time. (Root, lower abdomen, upper abdomen, heart, throat, center of your head, and slightly above your head)
When you slowly bring your awareness to one of these areas, we are just going to feel what's moving here.
Like focusing on your heart area. How does the energy here feel? Is it heavy or light? Is it tense or relaxed? Is there a big emotion coming up as you focus here? If it is light/relaxed/at ease, we simply give an appreciation for this area and move to the next.
If something feels heavy here, like tense or emotionally shaky, this is an area we want to give more attention.
We are witnessing the flow of energy through us. So give attention to the area and then allow it. We aren't trying to control it or make it stop or angry it feels crappy. Just witnessing, allowing it to be seen, to be felt, to be heard, to have space. We are opening ourselves up to allow this energy to move.
The more we give our attention here with just love, the more that energy will shift and move. This could be a specific thought of 'not being worthy', or 'guilt', or 'sorrow'.
We are just opening a space up for it to be allowed within us. No judgement, no blame, no trying to cover it or bury it beneath other things. Give it your full loving attention and let it do whatever it wants to do.
Your consciousness on this lower vibrational energy will cause it's energy vibration to raise.
You have to allow it space, love, allowing. Similar to a scared child hiding in the corner, you have to give love and assurance that it is seen, heard, allowed, loved. Once you begin to feel this stuck energy shifting, you can add more love and open space for it to move upwards.
Once you bring it high enough, you can carry it through your heart center with full unconditional love and it will heal/leave/change for the better.
I often use words to coax some stuck areas out.
"I see you, I feel you, I hear you."
"You are welcome here."
"This is a safe space for you."
"You are allowed here."
"There is great love for you here."
"You are safe with me, within me."
"This is a big enough space for all of you."
"I allow you, I love you."
Whatever words of soothing that gets it to move. You'll know when you strike a cord and it shifts by something you say. This process can be used for past traumas, old beliefs, fears, racing thoughts, stuck emotions, situations that have happened, worries, almost anything!
You're just being the space they move through and not the one who has to 'deal' with them.
When something comes up where you are angry or frustrated about something, this process can be used there too. It's giving your awareness and time and attention to the energy you received and working with it to raise it's vibration, move it through you fully, and then completely heal it by loving it, allowing it, and it's energy becoming transformed through your heart center.
There are layers, so if you do it once and you feel relief, it's normal to have a deeper layer come up later, so just work with the process again each time.
Give this 15-30 minutes a day. You will often feel results within a few days, if not immediately.
As a practice, it will strengthen your focus overall and allow you to shift all sorts of chaos in your life into a state of relaxed, calm bliss.

Love Like This

 I just met Christ.
But this time...
it was me.

And as far as epiphanies go...
the world dissolved into a perfect union of clarity
and to know, if only for a moment....
the meanings, the workings, the desires of all truths...
It was this moment.

Something akin to that first meeting...
and the second...
and the third...

and there is only familiar embodiment of essence...

and
it was me.

The Universe... the all that is...
Christ if you must give such a name...

She was me...
and we are...
these both parts of us.

and
hallelujah

________________________________

The Alchemist sits behind me, watching.
Having been remaining silent these past days, perhaps weeks...
his tears did not go unnoticed or excluded from my observations,
my heart.
This Alchemist.

And there are not words to give meanings or explanations of this ... encapsulation... of something that I won't even dare to toss far failing words at...

there is only her
me

______________________________

twixt
the only word trying to come through right now...

it means the in between....
Old English betweox "between, in the space that separates, among, amidst, meanwhile," from bi- "by" (see by) + tweox "for two," from Proto-Germanic *twa "two" (from PIE root.

like the barzahk

like the riddle long left to dwindle without a solution....
but it races to the front of my mind...
when asking what was I supposed to do...
"Whatever it is that divides the world between you."

and I hold strongly when Christ speaks in my dreams, or visions, or whatever they define as...

and this ...
the hero, the villain, the journey...
this mmmm...
word failings for something beyond...

______________________________



The sun was rising.
This sacred morning of meeting god.

and it's dark here, beyond the window of these physical eyes...
yet, illuminated...through and through...


___________
Remember when in the Matrix first movie when Tank was talking to Neo about being the One....
and he was like "Mmmph! Very exciting time!..or something to the effect...
His expression... but more so....x100
that's all I got for close as we are able to get...

...
...
...

I love you.