He doesn't really look like that...

                                                         

Have you ever met Thoth?
He's not the easiest to contact via astral travel or channeling....
and I think he's doing some gig out on Sirius, ... AND in the Pleiadians....
therefore, I'm making the assumption his time/awareness is split dramatically.....
so when I call for him...
he's usually quick to hop in and out again....
that, and he didn't want to get caught by the council...
the council didn't like that he talked to me, LOL
because he told me things I wasn't supposed to know...at the time anyway...
but he doesn't care, because he doesn't follow their rules...
and I don't either....
and I think that once I figured out who I was, they knew that their time with me had been severed
hence I was soon disembarking to whereever I went and I had to agree to the newer terms...
like a promotion or something...
...
of course Thoth is still busy... and still doesn't linger long...but he's got two dimensions going...
and can you even imagine being able to hold two consciousnesses at the same time in different
parts of the universe.... and then you have your little sister asking for advice in the aether world, HAHAHAHA!
He was with us when we were in Atlantis. So much more present than us younger kids....much more so. I'm glad he still entertains our primitive queries while we do this earth shit skit.

____
what was I saying....?
 the new guy... of gold and light and clarity... with those circular lines around his head....
knows his shit...
and learning it is one thing... but remembering it and training the behaviors of such matters...
really does take focus and attention...
but there's a golden key in my fucking hand....
and even as I stare at it, knowing the door to which it belongs....
my feet have yet to move towards it....
and Mind wants to write this down...Mind and Ego are in cahoots to prove all this energy stuff and all this aether stuff, all these vibes, and all this magic... leave a trail of crumbs...as proof of it's existence.
but Soul knows it won't.... it can't... the crumbs will be invisible, just like magic...
and Soul knows no one will ever ever ever ever believe in this magic.... unless they too are magic.
Mind thinks writing it down would be viable...
but oooohhh.... how often did we write of the 4runner in my driveway?
maybe 3 months?
and *poof = 4runner in MY driveway! <3
but do they see? do they believe? do they think it came without any action from me?
focus and attention, yo.
and 15 minutes of imagination, with a cup of emotion poured into it
15 minutes....every day, or at least most days.... and I can probably say sometimes it wasn't even 15 whole minutes...
and you think magic isn't real..?

thing is...
I know what's behind the door...the door this key opens...
because I put stuff in there myself...
and all those glorious things will pile out...
and everyone will say it's lucky....or surprising....or how did you manage to find this stuff?!
...but I will say...
I stored this here so when I got here, I'd have new toys to play with....
because no one wants a boring life.
...this is all my stuff, already... all of it... I just haven't taken it out of storage...
but the key is in my hand.... and the door is right there...
and that shit belongs in my life at this upcoming time....
because fate....lol...no ... because I know what I want, yo.
and I get to have it.

there's lots of cool stuff in this one.... I'll update you as I sift through all my treasures....

but remember.....
just because you open one of your storage units...
doesn't mean your whole life changes...
sometimes parts of it does...
sometimes parts of yourself does...
but you always get exactly what you need...
because Soul is the one who packed all these things....
and Soul knows more about you than Mind or Ego

focus and attention....
is
the
key...
15 minutes of imagination and a cup of emotion
is
the
action...
TURN THE KEY
Open your fucking treasure.

__________________
__________________________
___________________________________

I found a little happy fat Buddha today! (for my windowsill)
and I found a stainless steel wok today!!! (yay for stir-fry!)
and musical instruments!!! (accordion from Italy, mini tambourine, and a Japanese finger harp thing)
AND The KEY, yo!  (ok, I didn't 'find' it.... gold angel guy revealed it to me)

all this amazingness!

_________________________________________
_______________________________
___________________


paintings coming up soon
new line releases tomorrow
book 6 parts are filling in nicely, I need to start taking notes....
fish tank is still being a bitch, but there's nothing wrong with the water quality...
other stuff on list I haven't even touched...
sanding the hallway will get done this week...

tired...gonna go...
do that meditation thing and open the door or something

The bird, the bird, the bird is the....

Words.
All the words...

I met someone new the other day.
He's quite handsome, younger than the norm?
He's a shining light, radiating gold.
....and he said... to 'silence the words'.
not meaning all the things you think it may mean
...something new, something new...

_________

I call them guides...
but this one...
this one is not like the others.
...I'm intrigued...
and oh, how I've missed the new things

and they are abundant
all the new things
and swiftly provided to me
I need only ask

I shall ask for all the things.
but not in words... not in words...

Secrets (in etymology speak) = to set apart
and secrets aren't meant to be spoken....
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

I'm sure you'll hear all about this in book 6...
which has thrown me some really deep scenes today....
I am still awaiting the first sentence... ...
but you see....
I'm 100% positive it will be silent...

still have the idea to rewrite book 1....but no willingness to do it...
there's a fresh canvas downstairs ready to be cast with color
it's way way too big....
but it's mainly for the art show in October
and if it doesn't sell, that's fine, I already have a place for it....
(so, yeah, I'm kinda gonna make it for me)
mind you...it's themed around Lion King Jr....
and although i won't be doing actual lion king art....
it will be a lion... but it's gonna be laced in gold....
cause gold, yo. <3 I need more of that in my life

New line for ShadowDragon Dreams will be shared on the 1st....
need to hunt down emails for studios and such....
still need to finish sanding the hallway.... argh...
stapled a canvas today and baked cookies....
finished watching an anime....and there's no more episodes :(

__________________________________


I was hoping to have something magical to share...
but my lips are sealed...
energies feel like they are moving forward again, albeit slowly...
like a train... slow to start... but once it gets going....
...
...






                                                       
I would call it an awakening....
but how awake can one actually get... so bored of that word....
an embodiment perhaps?
not even the word, but the presence... the beingness
essence of Soul

Soul.... just wants sleep lately...
happily satisfied in the meandering throughout the day
happily sauntering toward all the things already on the way
...
Mind is trying to keep herself busy... but still also agreeing that meandering is a necessity.
sauntering too, she says... cause she knows she's not making anything happen...
and if anything, getting in the way
...
Ego is chilling. All happy, with feet kicked up and a gentle sigh of relaxed-ness
...
Body... body is unconditional and is good with anything, but "please for the love of god, get a new mattress, so I can sleep better"....
...
Heart. Heart is eager to meet with the new guide again even though we all agree we have nothing to ask him.
Heart also thinks we should work on book scenes before we go to sleep...
and we all agree with her.
...and truthfully, I don't think anyone gets a real say in the matter most times...
...

I'm pretty sure I mentioned an iciee in this somewhere...

Slam poetry.
Where someone stands up high and belts out truths.
Truths that bleed through all the masks.
Truths that leave you feeling tattered and raped.
And it's a voice.
Louder than the whispers you tried to tell it the thousand times before.
The same stories, told to all those around you...
Yet none of them able to grasp the meanings.
The deaf ones surrounding you nodding and turning away...
Because what would someone like you ever have to say?
And that word, yes that word... Poetry.
The word you were bred to despise simply because of a day in second grade.
Where a writing assignment died on Valentine's Day.
And the teacher that reviewed the child's poem....
simply decorating it in red ink and smothering any pride once held in the eyes of the young.
And the child, moments before satisfied and awed by this thing called poetry...
Where she could write in rhyme about all the things...
All the things and tell them how they were, using magic words.
But the paper was now bleeding.
Blood dripping off the page from the scars of correction.
Unseen, unheard, unknown.
And once again love was beheaded and the name of the poet cursed.
All because of your syllables, parables, and typos.
Miscounted steps releasing far too fast and much too slow.
There'll never be a place for you here.
And in the eyes of a second grader... one with fire and ice.
One that relished in a higher world, yet savored destruction.
She couldn't have agreed more.
There'll never be a place for her here.
No place among the commoners, no place among the heathens.
No place with the kings, and none with the servants.
Behold, she was a universe on her own.


______________________________
_______________________________

so yeah, that ^^ came to me this morning, way too early...
and I'm sure it is not the same as it was then...
cause I didn't write it down, but hey, I remembered some of it

____________________________________

I spoke with a girl named Riah yesterday.
I know who she was, but I'm not sure she knew who she was.
I told her all the things to help her find her way.
I don't know if she'll remember, or be able to use them.
But it was what it was.

Also had a visit from someone, but I'm not sure why.
The contrast isn't as clear with him as it used to be.
And although the purpose was simple and short....
the means to go about it were not as conflicting as expected.
I'm not sure I know who he is anymore, or his purpose.
But perhaps my original meetings with him were from a different perspective.
and now I can see him better.
perhaps

there's moments throughout the day where the ego wants to take hold of the reins.
take hold and steer us into some crash course
I think ego has forgotten that she doesn't know the way...
and that we don't have to do anything or fix anything or anything at all...
oh, but ego....  sit down and calm yourself... I've got this.

Ego hated everyone today.
Especially Target.  (they had NOTHING I went there for. NOTHING. They didn't even have dog food for fucks sake, or chocolate ice cream!)
Especially the pet store. (I don't want to buy a ten year supply of fish tank stuff, I just need a little bit)
Especially everyone and every place. (grumble)
Ego wanted the Thanos glove with the infinity stones...and again the whole world would have been wiped out in a single snap. Not half, ALL of it! No fucks given.

Soul is just crying, because she understands Ego's annoyance and disdain.
Soul is okay with everything snapping out of existence too, .... but
Soul, also enjoys this contrast and urge for war.
The push and pull between destruction and construction.
between evolving and devolving
between higher and lower and all the inbetween players who think they are in charge.
this game....
Loving them fiercely, yet able to watch them dissolve into nothingness.
Both sides of the wall.... watching from the tower box.... sipping on an iciee....
because it doesn't matter who wins or loses....
you fools...
it's just a game

_____________
___________________

I really have nothing to write about that makes any sense.
There are intentions I mean to take action on.
There are ideas I mean to humor.
There are plans I want to take action on.... as soon as the pieces arrive.
There are moments.... when courage pours in... and then is snuffed out by a second grade teacher.
Times when an exciting miracle is planted and someone else rips it from the ground...
Times when fear tries to inch it's way in through the gates.... but the guards set it afire with their torches.
Ego still wanting to take the reins and be reliant on it's manic energy....
Mind just sitting back and relaxing, not caring what Ego does.
Oh, but... dear dear magnificent Soul....
Soul replants the magic forest, singing to each sapling as it's placed in the earth.
Soul writes things with words, but doesn't label it as anything other than her ramblings.
Soul still waves hello at fear when it tries to enter the kingdom... happily and welcoming.
Soul humors Ego and gives her some rope and some colors and a horse on a stick.
Soul tells Mind of her truths and effortless beingness.
and Soul.... carries us all.

___________
_______________
ack!
that was all LAME!
(not really, I bet it will sound really cool when I read it again in a few months)

I don't know what I'll be doing tomorrow, but I'm up for something worthwhile.
I 'should' do like 3 things, but will I? pssh.

Super Saiyan's don't carry shields.

Times throughout the day I think of compelling blog posts, lol...
but I don't write them down...and by the time I make it here...
they are gone..
who knew, right?

today and yesterday have been the shit
like wonderful shit...
like the type that leaves you feeling so much better when you get finished.
oh, to be finished though...
*sigh
energy just kinda stuck and heavy
but Mind can't grasp the what or why of the matter...
just allowing...
waiting...
that's all you really can do, now isn't it..
unless you have some sort of spiritual enema I haven't heard of
...
some people use shopping sprees....
or ice cream and doughnuts...
others choose alcohol or drugs...
some binge watch netflix or keep themselves busy with tasks....
some make elaborate plans or remodels or overcompensated actions...
*sigh
I sit and listen and watch and wait and feel....
because I'm not desperate to wring the life out of whatever it is...
or shield my eyes from it, or close off my ears and heart...
it's part of me, for the moment...
and I am able to hold space for it...
whatever it may be.

this empath doesn't do the bubble shields of 'cowardness'
(in case you don't know.... there's a whole world of bullshit telling people who
are empaths, or sensitive, to put a protective shield around themselves...
so they can feel better....)
but no...
that is how cowards learn to feel better without actually 'feeling' better.
if there shall be a sacrifice worthy of transmutating energy from lower to higher...
I offer myself as tribute.
I can hold space for it.

___________________________
________________________________

so while pent up energy has been dragging me down...
some sewing things got made.
dinner got cooked.
desires are getting the directions and gps route download!
because I SEE it.
once you see it, you can't unsee it
even if everyone else denies it's existence....
like a ufo....
like Christ...
like certain other things...
like a 4runner...
like a pool....
*just sayin'

lol......
just saiyan  ;)

...
ooooohhhh... there's something I was gonna do and i just remembered...
later peeps

...just some cats and little birdies...

O_O
have you read my shit I write on this blog????!!!!
I swear...
there's some really good inspiring stuff on here...
some wasted space too.... but damn...
I CAN actually write ... sometimes.

I was reading some older blog posts...
and holy shit...
I am still in awe at times...
not even remembering half of it...
and then pleasurably reminded of certain moments....
I CAN use words correctly ....
so long as I'm free to use analogies and incomplete sentences
Verse? Maybe prose? all day every day
who fucking cares what it's called!!!!
I can do what I want!









   

                                                                                                                                                                                                    

I already wrote a blog post....like 30 minutes ago...
and I was going to go meditate... (and I still will)
but I just thought I'd love on myself a bit more
because



                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
... yeah, I like that. It makes me happy... and it's a cat.... so double happy!!
And he's flippin' his little birdies!!! triple happy!!!
too cute!

there's soooo much weird energy, I have no idea what to think of it
like weird.... undefinable
but you know what.... I'm an alchemist...
and I can make it into whatever I want it to be...
and I choose deeply satisfying....
preferably in the form of cash, but I'm not limiting it to only that

I was going to clean the pool this morning.... but then I remembered I didn't have it yet
but I'm glad I'm practicing how great it will be to throw the pool robot thingy in and walk away

- - - - - - - -  -


I want to share some deep insights I'm unfolding
about bills and debt and money and such
....
I had this thought of just manifesting money....
but I KNOW that doing that doesn't really solve anything
been there, done that
even though I was going to up it to $300k this time.... (still feels good to think about)
but then after a chat with the master guru...
and after a browsing session on some conversations I've had with some spirit guides...
damn...
I don't have to 'do' anything!
and why I keep forgetting that is fucking beyond me!
All I have to be is open to receive all the things...
not even the money itself... all the things...

like the pool.... I have it already... and believe me I keep forgetting I'm still in 3d land, LOL
I SEE it.
like the 4runner.... I had it before it appeared in my driveway...
I SAW it.
The hubs, the kids, the house, the (other things)
I KNEW all of it!
and so....
from past experience and the fact, there is no past or future... but all NOW
I have everything already. I have all my things.
All the feelings, all the joys, all the wins, all the experiences, all the satisfaction.
What do I choose to look at?

What are you choosing to look at?
You too, have all your things... all your desires... all your whatevers...
OWN that shit!


 


the kitteh has returned...
he's soooo cute!
wit his wittle whiskerys and his wittle pink nose!
and the way his eye skin hangs halfway between his eyeball and eyelid :P
wittle kitteh catah
me wuvs him so so so much!

awww...he's stretching ad his claws are protruding into my ARM!!!
I wuvs him.... he does no wrong

we be like kitteh....
no wrong...
because only cats are allowed to judge
and he's sleepin'
so we good
all good
like kittehs

_______________________________________
really, I'm going now... it's 12:55am....
and I might meditate 30min to an hour...
and then I'll be tired...
and it's harder to hold the door open when you're tired...

I'm producing magic... everything else is 'meh'

is it day 28 or 29???
ummm...
counting is no fun, let's stop.

soooo... 4 weeks in
-- and we are reprogramming the subconscious

-- we are finished with the new line... although small...it's done...
and it's all soooo cute!
of course my following is all high-end disney peeps....
so they may not be in the market for the new stuff...
but then I remembered that I don't care
going to throw together a few 'rts' items and list everything on the 1st.

-- haven't written squat besides a few facebook comments and on here

-- haven't even worked on book 6 in my mind O_O !!! what the what?!
 (but seriously, attention is flowing to that doorway as new shit gets recorded)

-- have art kinda waiting in line, will get to those after rts items are done

-- sanded a wall and a half... have 2 more to go... it's dusty...

-- laying low

____________________________
_________________________________
______________________________________

let's talk about something exciting and amazing and high vibe!!
...
...
I have a cat on my arms... and I'm typing as best I can
and he's soooo cute!
there's nothing I need to do
nowhere I need to be
no obligations
freedom
...
there's a kung fu master chatting with me a lot lately...
especially when I'm standing in the doorway between conscious and subconscious...
he talks a lot...
lots of good stuff too....but I feel pulled ot write much of it down...
and that means I have to come back in to write it down... and then go back out...
madness, it is
especially when I'm rewriting things and he's like 'and this too, try this one' that's a good one'
it's like lucid dreaming on purpose with the intention of restructuring your core programming.
but you got someone throwing questions and commentary at you (good commentary)
that enhances what you're doing...
like an editor.... (oh, if I had an editor to make my life more divine)
like a manager.... keeps you on track and in-line.

anyway.... not posting this....
lots of things in the vortex almost ready to birth
and I can't tell you yet!!!
I won't tell you yet!  ;)

off to meditate....then to sleep
later peeps

Different channels, different programs

There's a layer between being fully conscious...
and where your subconscious begins to open.
If you hang in the midst long enough...
you get to stand in the doorway, with your foot holding the door wide open.
And you get to tell all your subconscious how it's gonna be.

reprogramming your subconscious....
or in science speak... hypnotism while in theta state...
but you are the hypnotist....
and your subconscious is getting an upgrade

....

and then in the waking hours... while you drift into auto-pilot...
all those things you spoke into it... become true.
and whatever resistance you may have had.... is no more...

it's like past-hacking....
but now it's mind-hacking....?
___________________________________



and even having a master by my side as we discussed said upgrades...
I trusted Soul to rewrite the recordings...
even certain aspects that were present 24 hours ago....
never stepped foot in this realm since....

and what makes it even more relevant...
is the synchronocities that accompany the upgrades

PROVISION

one of the things spoken...
and lo and behold someone on the call tonight reiterated such
I won't even mention the comment on Atlantis.
and all the stuff about the depths of the ocean...

_________________
 _________________
anyway.....

there's a layer... between conscious and subconscious...
I assumed between Alpha and Theta brainwaves....
where you see nothing....but hear the mind speak...
and then... when you go deep enough... deep enough
you see clearly on new plane.... like visuals with the eyes, but way cooler
and here you still are conscious yourself, but can see shit...
and it flows effortlessly and with ease...
and you can speak any new thing into your existence...
any new thought.
any new possibility.
and new truth.
anything.
anything.
sometimes it starts to close again...but just allow and go deep again...
go too deep, you'll totally fall asleep, but while in that sweet spot, you are invincible.

Provision.
from my first human life to my last, and in all the inbetween....
all it did was confirm itself repeatedly...
and then again on the call...so it must be real, lol.

___
___
___
___
___

which this just adds to something the master guru said the other day...
~"You don't have to use your money."~
he says...

because there is ample supply
and whatever you want to call it...
(Source, Universe, God, aether, vortex, etc...(parents))
will provide everything you need.
because....

"Everything is taken care of."

(and I completely realize wholeheartedly he uses MY money to provide for his needs/wants!!!)
(you try raising a 'some dimension way the fuck higher than mine', kid!)

___
___
___
___
___

I think there might have been a dimensional shift...
or we are close to one...
or maybe I am.
or already had one...
things are weird! (but awesome!)
I can feel the change, but I can't 'see' it yet...
at least not the physical change yet.
so maybe I'm early, or late, or spot on, or wrong altogether...
just a thought...
something is weird and I can't define it yet.
all good
I have some possibilities that aren't clear as of yet....
and no, it doesn't have to do with any hacking I just did! lol

eek!
it's later than I hoped...
sooo....
I'm gonna go do some theta programming again
if I don't come back, it looks like I might have dimension jumped...
or got thrown out of the matrix altogether....
we'll see

mediation....meditation....and medium rare

Again...a bright idea to come and throw up all over this blank page...
gets lost into the void of...'something I totally can't recall at the moment, but certainly will after I click publish.'

I talked with a great master yesterday...was it yesterday?
but all those words of wisdom have yet to be downloaded into the memory banks
it was good, I promise
he re-aligned my already knowing into actually 'knowing and remembering!'
took care of that today, at least what I could...next steps arriving any day now
he also said I could come back any time, with any questions...
I'm wondering if he realizes how much I might take up that offer...
he must not have chatted with my very good friend, lol

________________________

updates on this slow reality world...

-- fixed sander....will do walls maybe tomorrow
-- made some stuff....will make more maybe tomorrow
-- finished reading book 5... and book 6 needs to happen!
    Hello, first sentence...call me, yo!
-- background for the aquarium is sketched, will do that maybe later in the week
-- aquarium is filled and flowing.... now we wait
-- and stuff

_________________________

soooo....day 26...
and called to work deeper into meditation
no, not the 'ohm', sit under the tree stuff...
although that could be fun if the trees didn't talk so loud
but Soul is expanding and embodiment is the name of the game recently
Where the barzahk that separates the aether from the world.... is null and void...
when Soul moves into both even more so...
and stays seated on her throne...in her temple.
and the ALL surrounds her
the aether obeys and pours out into the world...
manifestation at it's finest...
and Soul, creating endlessly, like the God she is.

Embodiment

I dare you. to. become. who. you. truly. are.
Surrender to your inner god.
________________________________________________


___________________________________________


____________________________________


____________________________



...
blah...
words fail me...
later maybe

no distractions...

day 24...
did you know...
aquarium rocks cost a crazy amount
so do the little plastic plants
like...since you are creating a fake biodome and all...
we are guessing you'll need these things...
even if they are fake...
and since someone gave you a 55 gallon tank... for free...
we have to make our cut somehow...
and we'll do it by charging you five times more than necessary
for the colored rocks you want... yes black is a color...
and for the plants you need... cause no fish likes an empty tank
and the fish have to be happy

_______________

-- cut out the background canvas for that same aquarium...
unsure yet if I might need a backing on it or not...probably...
-- started sanding the walls a bit...
but the sander's disc pad thingy broke off....
so that needs fixed before I continue...
-- the tees are almost finished...
but I'm out of royal blue thread...
amazingly that was the only color so far I didn't have
-- awaiting a check in the mail
-- will fill aquarium tomorrow...get the piece for the sander...and get some thread
-- other things of which I won't tell you

_____________________

 I'm pretty sure there was something specific I was going to share today...
but I didn't write it down and now it's not making itself present...
another insightful view into the aether world probably...

well.... other notions are calling me, so i'm outta here

Pools of possibilities!

Day 23...
and what the fuck...
like in perfect amazing what the fuck kinda way...

Why is it that it is effortless to get something huge,
even though it's not anywhere on the priority list.
But when it comes to something on actually on that so-called list...
nada...or very slowAF manifestation.

let's see... I was going to go take a dip in the pool this morning...
because visualization is the name of the game...
but it hasn't arrived yet, lol
and I can feel how simple it will be to have it....
it took me what, 3 months to get a 4runner.... maybe less...
and I could easily snap my fingers to have this pool inserted into my reality....
but you see... it's almost fall...and that would be silly...
I can wait till spring, yes I can.
...
but for some reason....
...
...
...
holy fuck...
I was gonna write something about certain other things being SLOW....
but I think I just figured out why they are slow...
...and I need to start listening to myself more...
the fucking feeling is the compass and the channel...
and the pool on these hot ass days feels exceptionally amazing...
so of course it can just poof into reality... like magic....
but the other things...those things on the priority list....
don't feel as awesome...

for instance... cash in hand! ...to pay off a debt
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ROTFLMAO!!!!
what does that feel like?.... BORING!
no fucking wonder!
is it amazing to pay off a debt? .... ummm it feels better than having the debt...
however the short answer is a firm... no.
it's a 'meh' at best
....
look at this mess I've been doing to myself.
LOL
I'm actually so very excited about this revelation!
 ...
geezus! I'm having a great time here tonight!
.... all the things, all the things!

I didn't even come here to write about all that... as it just formed....
I came here to write about.... this

The Barzahk
The inbetween.... the space between two dimensional realities
the aether... and this material world
In the aether... all the things... all the thing you planted in your vortex of desire
     all the things, all the love, the power, the possibilities, the endless supplies...
In the world... all this stuff made of matter that was wrought because of what
    you had already formed in the aether.
It's all vibration.
In the aether... all things are vibrations... all the good ones
In the world are the vibrations made manifest into this dimension.
There's no separation.
...  today I found myself standing in the aether... looking onto this world
all my things are there... and all my wonderful things yet to be born into form
...and selecting those from there to put forth here and make them real....
is a very easy task... choosing the vibrations that are ready to birth...
that are a match for the world... a match to the vibration of the me...
but this human mind in this physical body.... she likes to resist...
always wanting to select things based on some outdated and old program that
is, frankly, irrelevant and often flawed...
my Soul standing in the aether waits for an opening...
but this girl... resisting.... resisting
stop it.
stop it.
just don't do it.
stop the resistance...
I will give you everything
it's already stored up endlessly....
so much I can choose to hand directly to you....
yet you resist.
stop it.
stop it.
just stop.


________________________________
_______________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________
________________________________

-- Art stuff, all done.
-- Lion King Jr. art stuff, I'll plan some pieces...
but this weekend...
-- appliques! they are half prepped already!
-- I even planned some ideas for new design stuff
-- tomorrow the dog goes home!!! (hallelujah!)
-- will sand test the walls in stairwell tomorrow
-- need to edit screenplay, argh! I keep forgetting!
-- ok.... heaven forbid... book 1 gets rewritten...
I keep fondling this fucking idea over and over....and I'm done getting hot and bothered...
I want to get it off... my possibility list!  LOL --  not implying anything sexual
-- have someone dropping off a shirt for me to sew/fix and pick-up later
-- sketch backdrop design for the aquarium...art I forgot about, lol


anyway.... gonna go watch anime for an episode...
read a bit... (I'm reading my own book...book 5)
then meditate and get involved with all the feelings! all the things!


...
...




I'm just gonna put this right here....

 that looks nice, doesn't it
it will look very nice in my backyard

I may not drool over this when winter comes....
but right now it feels like 89 degrees at 11:58pm....
so this is very legit

I am... trust.

Connections.

Those things...
those things that everyone and their brother think exist...
and they only seem to exist if you share a reality.
if you share in the thought of the task at hand.
if you share in the problem, or the solution..
if you share enough to make a connection...
...
but what if you don't...
where you see problems, I see nothing broken.
where you see ignorance or worthlessness...I see possibilities and value
where you see one thing, I see another...
far apart are our worlds
how will you ever meet me?
and if not how...why?
all this magic here can not be seen by your eyes...
all these words are foreign and difficult for you to understand...
but are they really??
or are you not wanting to see? to hear?

what are connections?
...

__________________________________
I wrote a short blurb for the art gig...
and it was funny and truthful to me...
but I see how strange and different it might appear to others...
my mind wants to 'should' on myself... and fall in line...
but Soul... Soul trusts.
Soul is moving forward regardless of how inane writing may be
I'm stuck watching them both... and Mind fears repercussions and judgement
Mind fears those things... even if they aren't real (at least not yet)
even if they never come... even while being only vibration... Mind fears...
but Soul... Soul heals the vibration immediately as it flows... instantaneously
Soul knows trust. Soul knows where she sits. Soul knows all the real.
Ego is leaning back in the chair with feet up... "no biggie, I'll take care of it if it goes awry"
because Ego knows how to handle Mind's fears and judgement, like a pro.
But Soul silences Ego...and Mind... and tells them "It's all perfect, as is, in all ways."
"You can't teach the blind to see." She says. "Only their shifting can help them see."
and I smile... she's right.

the shaking up of their perceptions...their common and programmed reactions...
how will they handle this 'different thing'...
and if they are open, just enough... they will move slightly...and see from a whole new place...
and see more.. and hear more.. and above all FEEL more...
and it's all for them.... and for you... and for them... and for you... and for them... and for you
the vibrations that bounce to and fro... like a ping pong ball...
shaking...waking us all up to a higher perspective over and over again
all perfect
all the things

_____________________________________
_____________________________________

car pic done, just needs clear coated
coating on others done, but I may add another coat or two.
fabrics in!!! and I picked up some items to go with them..
got tees ready, will prep those tomorrow.
I bought a soft dark green sweater today... that I didn't need, but I loved it so much...
  (and I feel amazing and so happy I got it <3 )
feeling resistance revolving around a certain subject... and conflicted as to whether I'm putting my head in the sand and ignoring things that 'shouldn't' be ignored...or if I'm able to view it from a different perspective and those lower vibe things do not need my 'fixing' but simply need my patience and allowance and space....
   hmmm.... I guess I just answered that...
based on the feeling I have surrounding said subject matter...  
there's fear and slight anger and fear and anxiety and fear.... all the fuck over the whole thing...
but Soul. .. .. .. Soul trusts.
Soul trusts.
Mind and Ego want to 'fix' and straighten in out and make it appear better so as to feel better...
but Soul... she knows..."It's not a problem, it's only the perspective I sit at that sees it as a problem."
O_O
"Trust."

....
anyway... rule #14 --- NEVER 'should' on yourself.  NEVER 'shouldn't' on yourself. ---


did you know: the root etymology word of should, or shall... is "owe".
You don't owe anyone any fucking thing! Remember that.


___________________________
it's day 22
and I didn't get to meditate yet...
so I'll go and do that...

Read between the liiiiiiioooonnnnnssss.....

Day 21...that's three weeks
...
and I probably do not have to tell you what opened for me...
Lion King Jr.
Looks like I will have some art showcasing during said theater production...
which is good for the artwork...
and what did I tell you about the lions...
I'm not li-on! ...
and if I get even luckier...
I'll get hit up for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe too...
   (that's the one I would have chosen... but who says I can't have both?)
...
so lion king-ish type artwork coming up from moi
like rainbow giraffes... that sounds amazing...
and all the lions...
but because it's 'jr'... that means kid friendly...
like mosaic stuff... not sure yet...
it'll figure itself out


I was headed to go edit Laser Racers...
but stopping by here was also an option
my projects... of which I have 2 too many...
include...
clear coating the dragon and flower I have in the kitchen...
but I'm out of polycrylic... so now I have to go to Lowe's...
and if I go there, I might as well pick up the paint for the stairwell...
but then again, why.. I need to test sand it first to see if I can get the
texture crap off...
so I may or may not buy paint tomorrow.
Half way done with the last car pic commission painting...
hope to have it finished tomorrow...
So if I can get that and the other pics coated... all the art pieces will be done...
which in turn...
...
makes room for the Lion King Jr. stuff ...
and the fabrics that will be arriving sometime tomorrow
...
I have someone who placed an order, but they haven't paid yet...
so I have that on the roster...3 t-shirts... easy peasy
...
editing screenplay...because I'm posting it ASAP
I discovered what Hollywood's problem is...btw...
and by Hollywood's problem, I mean the reader who reviewed my script...
and it's not a problem...it's just not relevant to my reality...
anyway... they want to see action and hoopla... and ll the fast moving inane crap...
things that mean NOTHING...
and I'm not that type of screenwriter...
It reminds me of Mr. Rogers... and I'd rather fight for story and depth and moved
characters, than all the unending hubbub and noise...
I'd rather be special and unique...
which I totally am, duh!
soooo..... a brief edit and posting it up for grabs
Victory and Killian too....
(The Fox Prince and Sky Thunder are not ready yet)
...
Book 6... as soon as I get the opening scene/sentence...
we will be on our way...
...
...
but those are just projects...
and none of that stuff trumps what I've got going on...
like deep vortex manifesting magic...
of which I spend hours every day on... more if I can help it
what else is going to get me a pool for next summer?! duh!

...

I don't think I'll make it to editing tonight...
so off to meditate some vortex magic
and book 6 visualization stuff, of course!

...

ummm. I found an ad blocker for facebook sponsored ads!!! YAY!
no more crap!
later peeps, my day is complete... and it was awesome!

*hits replay

All these words...

and there's many of them...
and only a select few actually can hit the mark
day 20...
and a bucket of  'contrast'  gets poured before me...

in other words...
things in opposition to where/who/what.. I AM
things in perfect alignment to where/who/what I AM
things not in my vortex...shall we say...
and things totally in my vortex for sure!
all these words...

I have this fearless side...
one that burns bridges on autopilot...
because we can always build a better one...
and the effort is mutual...
and you know, a project built together means something
so burning/building bridges is actually kinda a love story...
I forgot where I was going with this and the point I was going to make

all these words...
waiting for #10's....

______________________________________
__________________________________________

ALL the good things
ALL the joy
ALL the things...

rest with me

___________________________
________________

there's a scene in book 6 my Mind will not stop hitting replay on....
I'm glad she's enjoying it.... *insert eye roll
yes...I know he's hotAF...but do you hav--
*Mind presses me away to scoot closer to the viewing screen....hits replay again

well, wait a sec... I want to watch!!

_______________________________________
_______________________________________


house full of teenagers tomorrow...
full of pets already...

and I'm certain there will be a pool in my yard next summer
global warming is a great marketing scheme for the pool place...

ALL of the glorious views

My inner being... the All of me...
is laughing, hard enough to hold her stomach...
all the things I sprinkled with effort...
all those glorious things I 'figured' I would 'do'...
oh, how I was so misaligned!

"Everything is taken care of."

that doesn't mean I have to take care of it
or I have to 'do' anything for that matter, lol
it's already handled
by the universe...or something that likes to concern itself with those things...

I'm literately free to not 'do'
not like I wasn't all this time anyway...
but it's funny when you move to a different perspective...
and you see something the other you couldn't
ALL the things
from above the wall
far far above the wall

like both sides of yourself...
no, not the left and right sides...
the inner and the outer ;)

ah! GLORIOUS!
day 19...and I'm feeling ALL the things and love love love love it ALL!

GASP! There's stuff going on around here!
And ALL of it makes me so happy!

_________________________________________________

I don't even have to edit
so many other options... like just not doing it
or hiring someone else to do it
or bargaining with someone else to do it
or just not doing it
...
not the books, not the scripts...
I can toss out anything...do a few breif edits...
and send the little children out into the world
because they aren't mine anyway...
they just came through me...
and if they wanted someone who could edit...
they would have known better
they certainly would have known better, LOL!
and I don't see anyone waiting around for feedback

__________________________________________________

Did you know...
there's polarity in the aether too.
Like letting go... and then gathering up
like moving on... and taking with you
because ...power...empowerment
and ...the new words of the day...
unlike the past voyages into the underworlds...
instead of "I accept"...
it's "I consent."
and I feel like I'm signing up for government intrusion or something, lol
but you know what...
I completely trust the ALL of the Universe
ALL of it.
ALL of myself..and ALL parts of myself...
____________________________________________

____________________________________________

There was a moment in meditation today...
where I saw pieces of the old vibration...
and I said "Not one more day."
for day 19.... that one statement...felt like some kind of massive leap
____________________________________________

___
___
___

also today...I ran out of ink...
so I couldn't print out the base outline for my last art commission
and I didn't have any urge to create anything else...
but I found myself here...
and I'm getting pulled away already...
where will I find myself in a few short moments...
I don't know..
and that in itself is absolutely perfect

I didn't hear back from the theater yet... totally cool
and today I was instantly reminded that there is NO WRONG ANSWER
No wrong choice, no wrong way,
nothing is wrong
so stop trying to figure it all out...
I promise you it's perfect... yes, that way, that choice, that answer...
or neither...nor...

__________________________
I might outline book 6 a bit...
maybe it'll give me the first line... the first sentence...
that's all I need to start...
same goes for the screenplays... if it would throw me the first scene...
I'd start it and finish it... but nooooo
it wants to throw middle of the movie scenes at me...
....

my oldest turns 18 on Wednesday!!! O_O



Go forth...
LIVE long...
and PROSPER

One-way ticket

day 18...

"You have to be odd to be number one."
That is a Dr. Seuss quote... maybe not exact, but close enough...
get this...
it also just so happens there's a theater production of The Cat in the Hat
coming this winter, along with a few other productions that seem up my alley...
not that I'm going to see them and all...
but...
there's something that might be aligning for me...
I'll possibly find out tomorrow!

Book editing... not going so well...
I started and then just kinda fell off the bandwagon...
....big ideas about submitting to a real publisher...
and my inner being just wants to write book 6...
and not rehash book 1-5 so it 'gets more in line with normalcy'
fuck that
do you know what will happen in book 6?! I do...mostly! It's exciting!
     (and actually kinda awful... gonna put my MC through shit she doesn't want to go through... sorry)
what happened in book 1 is like a long time ago!
my MC didn't even know dragons were real, yo!
now look at her <3


I'm reeling over in laughter...
my ice cream smiled at me today
literately
I was making an ice cream cone and when I went to put the lid back on the ice cream...
the lid had a little smile (two eyes and a smiley face) on it made of ice cream drops.
I was impressed and felt so loved
You make me smile too, little guy. Thanks

"Everything is taken care of."
...
you got that right...
and today... (lots of movement today energy wise!)
things switched into gear...
things I didn't even have on my radar yesterday...
and already they are moving with momentum...
I'm not sure how I got on this train...
but it looks like I'm on it...and there's no stops ahead
so...
surrendering and taking my seat
going to order my meal and drink
going to watch the scenery while enjoying this voyage

____________________



___________________



__________________



There's something... a depth...
and i will answer the call

You have to be odd, to be number 1

There's a post on facebook somewhere about an estate sale...
and they have pics of all this stuff in this person's house...
like amazing stuff.
crazy stuff.
creepy stuff.
I wonder what type of person would have all this...
and then my inner being raises their hand, loud and proud.
Of course.
I would totally have a house full of crazy, creepy, amazing stuff
costumes...accordions......maybe not all those dolls...
little tiny figurines... japanese stuff, a red rotary phone!!!
there's even a red hummer for sale...
 puppets on strings...a thing with faces...copper pots...
my heart melts...another accordion!!
So whenever the date/time is set for that sale...
I will be there, bright and early with a pocket full of cash
...cause accordions and creepy, crazy shit, yo.



day 16, the awesome day 16
~ Don't bring something into your life...bring your life into it. ~

it's all vibration...
and I'm keenly aware that I've inadvertently erased the previous reality
erased my previous reality
and there's a part of me that is uber excited to see the new one
there will be no survivors....not even me
sweet obliteration


apparently things have gotten accomplished...
and apparently it was me who has done such tasks
not sure how that works...but I'll take the credit.
painting a car...zoom zoom! it's rather good... half finished.
Word program is currently working...  thank you to the comment section
on Pirate Bay...and to Anthony for directing me to the site.
aquarium stand is sprayed and ready...
stairwell colors set... not sure when this will get started
a couple of other odd and end ideas...
and screenplay I keep thinking of outlining, but forget about it once I get downstairs
been eating up Abraham Hicks stuff lately... oy vey... I don't know why...
and stuff...
and I'm sauntering in happiness

sooooooo.... anywayzzzz....
I guess book editing as soon as possible
adventures
amazingness


____________________________________________

____________________________________________

My higher being... inner being... Soul...
she has all our stuff... and I want to play with it all too.
All the things...
All the money...
All the courage...
All the miracles...
All the insights...
All the truths...

how can she live here, if I hold on to all the normal things?
how can she move in, if other things take up the room?
Everything 9 and under must be discarded, left behind, removed.
Then all the 10's... all our awesome stuff... can fill the room.
I'm absolutely sure all my things are fantastic, or else I wouldn't have asked for them.
Amazing stuff...maybe even an accordian, and puppets, and costumes.

It's all in A LION MENT!!!

I was handed a gift today...
like I am every day... but this one was wrapped in a bow

Day 14.
The day the lion turned himself into gold.

I have a gold lion atop the mantel.
He's actually brass, but Brasso makes him look gold.
With enough rubbing, he's clear as crystal...with gold tinges...

The lion is the sentient guardian and king of the fire sign Leo.
 and Leo... also meaning lion... is the lord of action.
The hunt...the prey...the chase...the kill... and the feast.

and today...
the hunt was laid out
the prey standing unawares
and these energies that are breathed in spur the instincts forward
the lion, with muscle and strength, and all that it is...
becomes more of a lion
as it pounces, it's mouth salivating, it's claws already feeling the thrills of the catch
it's teeth....screaming in joy...

nothing escapes this lion
not a thing, especially one it chooses as the main course

______________________________________
_______________________________________
________________________________________


two weeks...
and a lifetime of this moment
the keys to the universe...
yet it was never locked... just on a higher channel
two weeks...
of preparing and aligning...then the next step bringing you away from the last
you have to remove your foot from the lower....
in order to fully move to the higher...
climb
rise
ascend

_____________

there could be a thousand things I could write...
tell you of all my journey's the past two weeks...
tell you of the possibilities...
but possibilities are endless
and mine are on the way on a train full of amazing gifts...
all ready and wrapped for me.
bows included

...
did I ever tell you of Bowriel
he carries a bow...and even though I picture him as the color blue...
he's fire
with red and orange and yellow
and an unlimited amount of power flows within and around him
he's like the sun
and he dwells in the solar plexus
and him and the bow and the fire and the lion and the sun are aligning...
is the lions gate... and we are entering into this new world
 ...
(and I just had to look it up...
and the sun entered Leo exactly two weeks ago.... !!!!)
!!!
and ...
it all started a while ago...
the dream about Judah... my lion friend with wings
the brass lion I wanted and the seller actually held onto it for ME for two weeks until he had a chance to make it out to my side of town!! Even when multiple people asked about it!!
the painting of Timothy
this doesn't even include the two winged lions I put on the piano months ago!!
all the things...
all the things... 

I get to have all the things

"Everything is taken care of."

Too long to read.... (day 12)

Day 12
Wonderful day 12
although, every day is wonderful

so much perception growth happening this day
all in a good way
(well, of course it's all in a good way! everything is awesome)

nothing to share with you!
but just so you know. I love you.

lionsgate... let's go already! (day 11)

Interesting...
this day 11, soaked in the sunlight
covered in a blanket of heat

A chat buddy decided to part ways today.
...oh... the story of my life.
farewell ???
I'm not sure. A hint of confusion...
but not surprised.
 never surprised...
always picking up on it days before...
but never knowing what it is really...
it's a conundrum...
and I wouldn't trade it for anything...
this dance of energies...
serving us both...
until the dance is over.
All good. Always.

not the first, not the last...

a setting free

and freedom is not without the severing of tethers...
even strangers, even friends, even family

....
is it me?
my brashness?
my truthfulness?
openess?
...
like the time someone responded rudely to me...completely confusing...
but their own body language was horrifically askew...
so the response I suppose they wanted couldn't even have happened...
maybe because you were facing the other way.
do you want me to say hello to your ass?
wtf.
but no... I was the one in the wrong...
sure... I'll take the blame.
it's all my fault.
I'll own all of it, even if it wasn't.
reading energy and body language is common..
so if you are talking to someone else facing away from me...
I don't think there's much of an opening for anyone.
...
like the time someone stopped hanging out...
I'm not sure why... but perhaps I was in fact bored of the same topic...
perhaps I was tired of hearing about the same issues each time...
and maybe because my views weren't as exciting to you either...
and maybe because I wouldn't let my kid visit you...
cause it felt weird...
but no big deal...
...
or every time I try to be normal and it backfires...
a sting of ...'you're still not seen'.
...I'd rather be chased down than overlooked

you want any of me, you better get yourself ready to hunt...

There's no more offering myself up.
I'm not going that way.

There's no more sharing this or that to help you get to know me.
I'm not going that way.

I'm doing it all for me.
All for my selfish beautiful egoic fantastic incredulous magical disastrous self.
Fuck all of you.
I will not sacrifice myself for you.
I'll only do it for myself.

______________

I suppose that was harsh.
I would actually guess that everything I write on this blog is harsh.
I'm a harsh person I suppose.
Harsh like the wind, scouring your skin and blinding you.
Harsh like fire, searing your flesh, and turning your insides.
Harsh like water, thrusting you in the waves, and drowning you.
Like earth, sanding your face with jagged rocks.
Yet, I find this beautiful. This harshness...
all this harshness, bathing in a bliss of goddess superiority...
but masking the fact I love everyone and think you all are beautiful too
that you are more than me, that you can do anything, all that amazingness
...so am I harsh, or am I kind...?
Kind like wind, a gentle breeze, barely noticeable, but sometimes appreciated when it counts
Kind like fire, giving warmth on a cold night, and light, and cooking your meals
Kind like water, cleansing, refreshing, life...
Kind like earth, soft sands, secure, growing the riches of your fruits...
all this beautiful kindness...bathing in a bliss of hidden inferiority...
but masking the fact that I hate everyone and think you all are horrible too.
this paradox
this mix of duality
this gorgeous dance...
but
the
truth
is
......
I'm neither of these things.
if you erased all the words, all the colors, all the meaning, all the worlds...
that would be a piece of me and a piece of you

I know the realness...
and that can't be put into words.

_______________
____________________

A door has opened

time to step through

The gift of foresight...

A fascinating day 10
Like... the red carpet laid out before you...
rose petals upon the ground...
to sweeten your steps...
but they knew you were on your way...
and it was all prepared for your arrival.
...
(or maybe it was blood soaked carpet...
and pieces of flesh...
from the bodies of mine enemies...)

either way...
"Everything is taken care of."

indeed, it is

thank you

...now...
let's continue this journey...

__ __ __ __ __ __ __
and what have I done to be assured of said rewards?
... trust...that everything is taken care of...  duh
 I swept the floor... made supper... cleaned the craft room...
and even when the energies felt heavy today... I let them be.
what are you saying, friends? I've got you....
for I too, am held.
...
unexpected things handed to me...
effortless events that worked out far better than once thought they would
opportunity of higher perspective and opening for more rewards
Provision

PROVISION
etymology speak =  late Middle English (also in the sense ‘foresight’): via Old French from Latin provisio(n- ), from providere ‘foresee, attend to’ Provide
~ To foresee and provide for ~

but this isn't seeing the future... but feeling it. Knowing it. Being assured of your vision...
 
come... join me
______________________________



All that I've written already is...
and unless something else wants to lay out into words...
I leave you with that...
you have all this available to you....
all the things...
I'm only showing you it's possible...
but you'll need to find your own way...


hug a tree and kiss a bunny, take your hands and grip tightly to the fur of the mighty beast that you ride upon. Sing to the moon and dance with the ocean... watch the blazing star cast it's rays across the horizon of a new life... and this night... howl.

Stop holding your breath. (day 9)

Double-dosed subscription to the Water Tribe.
is no joke.
Sign in Pisces, with ascendant and moon in Scorpio...
and by god, I'm actually more relatable to Scorpio than Pisces...
cause I can see the future.... and then stab you for being stuck in the past
I can interact with spirits and angels and god himself....
and then watch you flail in your hell unmoved.
I've stood beneath the seraphim... and survived their scourge...
and although I wouldn't wish it on anyone... I'll lead you to them if you need cleansed...
and I'll love you till you drown in it... drag you if you ask...even against the brimstone...
I'll give you everything you need to make the journey... but I will not carry you.
if you cling in fear, I shall hurl you off the edge.
I'll be the first to call you a hero .. and the first to call you a coward.
double edged sword...
all this magnificent life you're a part of...
and you are fucking it away...
all this glorious amazing potential and possibility within you...
and you can't see yourself for shit... blind motherfuckers.
I want to see your soul...
and you pour out your programmed accepted limitations
I want to hear your dreams and your joys...
and you tell me of your worries and your fears...
I want to see the god in you.
but you don't believe he/she is there...
I want your truth...
I want your passion...
I want all of you...

but...
you are fucking cowards.
skirting around the big things because you are afraid of what's real.
flitting from this to that to distract from the real issues.
stalling.... for fear that you'll be found out...
I knew you before you spoke.
but I can't tell you that... I can't tell you everything about yourself...
if I did... you wouldn't be able to hold that truth... it's too big for even you...
I don't care what you 'do' with your time...
or all these things you think you are...
or what you've accomplished...
all that is clothing... skin... dna... thoughts...
I care about you. The part you can't show to the world...
the treasure...
the gold...


*maybe I'm a soul pirate... hmm

_________________
__
_________________
__
_________________

this is day 9.... and nothing new showed up today...
nothing new... but reminded of surrender...

that you can't hold your desires hostage...

how difficult do you think it is to surrender your desires?
to completely let them go and hand them over to the universe?
to unburden yourself from your desires?
to untether yourself from those things that weigh you down...even if they are pretty?
even if they are amazing? even if they are chuck full of cash?
I dare you to give them up.
Release them fully and completely

or are you a coward?

...
you can't follow me...
'cause I'm not afraid of becoming empty
I'm not afraid of freedom
I'm not afraid of losing all of myself...
because I know where I AM ....

____
____
____

pillows and blankets... and a ukelele
some glow bracelets, all the paint colors...
sunshine... or a thunderstorm... and at least one cat
books... all sorts of books...
a few live plants, music, a piano
and a fire burning in the soul


______________________________________________

Yeah, some of us surviving
Some of us just roaming
Some of us just hoping the world will move more slowly
Some of us alive
We're all gonna die one day

Cause everybody I know, everybody I know
Is growing old, is growing old too quickly
And I don't wanna go
So how am I supposed to slow it down so I can figure out who I am?