Fine tuning....

Tunnel vision.
but not seeing
feeling

and there are many things that pass through the tunnel
many feelings

the tunnel is you
and at each end of the tunnel is the points of entry and exit and back...
yes, it's a two way tunnel.
One end is here on this physical plane.
this world. this life. these people....

the other end points out to the universal source
and where it points is....
up to you.

the universe.... it's rather big...
perhaps directing your tunnel from good energy to this plane would be better than
the less good energy to this plane... and vice versa
perhaps allowing joy and abundance and all those happy feelings to pass
might be better serving you than letting judgement, anger, or worry travel through.

You don't have to give them access to your tunnel, yo.
You do not have to honor their tickets...
yes, you can make your tunnel a toll road if you want.
but I advise to monitor all the gates...

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________________

I discovered something
something I totally already knew... but maybe did not utilize it
at least not in the sense of 'very often'.
now I know better...
so I will do better.
you know...
doing it "MY WAY"
like the song
but with drums and Imagine Dragons playing it.

page 28 of screenplay....
I can truthfully say that I have no clue what's going to happen!
I only have a vague sense of maybe something that might work...
but it's so vague that I'm not sure it will end up that way.
...at all.
Writing is like watching a tv show...
and the next episode is tonight...
and one can try to guess what might happen, but sometimes you're way wrong
yeah, like that.
like my bad guy is like Thanos...
but played by Ron Perlman and not purple.
and there are no magic stones.
(and unfortunately no Loki either :( ... )
my MC is like... ??? a mix between Princess Mononoke and Nausicaa? idk
she keeps falling out of character and it's driving me crazy having to go back to edit her dialogue
Not quite ripe yet... I don't want her character growth to be so much up front...
but I don't want her before version to be such a wuss.
She'll figure it out. Give her a break, she's only 12... she doesn't know who she is yet.

Got to go! the next episode is coming on!

and I'm conflicted after watching Avengers Endgame.
I'm only in it for 4 characters... but still..
<3 

A vessel that carries...

It wasn't how I expected...not that I was expecting it a certain way at all.
Different.
They were different.
this is all different.

If explaining were even possible...
understanding isn't something words can define.
so leaving it laid out as what it is..
is the simplest form of communication I can offer.

but there are few words... I will set nearby.
words like...

Anchor

Cohesion

Vessel, ....one that carries, not one that holds.

among others that are close, but do not fit as intended.
words are primitive when spirit speaks...
Could you describe the experience of ecstasy without using allegories?
without parables?
no matter how simple you tell a story.... the full meaning... the essence...
can never be attained unless one has been doused in the reverie of majesty
and you wonder why Mary couldn't speak of the conception of Christ...
...lest she die.
Killing of oneself by not being capable enough of granting such experience a justified expression.
So silence is the highest form of speech when words must fall short.
Silence.
And it's always there for us to hear...
if you would just listen....
...
...

...
...
these big words.... words I know the meaning of but can't give you the definition...
like symbols that surround our lives.... they all mean the same thing...
your viewpoint can decide if you defend one way...or protect it...
but sometimes you are in another dimension.... and it is all for naught
"Nothing is True. Everything is permitted." - Lest is would not exist.


Welcome to the New Age.


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Screenplay going well....
although I'm a bit disturbed by what happens on pages 9 and 10.
I really do not have a say in what shows up.
But I suddenly love my main character a whole hell of a lot more.
AND my villain.
this story might be one for the legacy.
even if someone's childhood ends up being completely shaken...
...leaving their adulthood completely magnificent.
...
You're welcome.


 I don't have anything else to write here...
going elsewhere... just after this song ends...
  (Imagine Dragons! <3 )


ponder the theories embellished under the blanket of whispering stars
where the herds of form gather together and tell stories of the misty rivers
and of the heroine of the skies. May she cradle her lover's face in a kiss.

In sync, but not the band....

ok, wow!
so I haven't had that council meeting yet...but holy shit
I'm in this mindset coaching group... and I wrote this...

~ I often try doing new things that feel at least interesting or aligned, but after the initial learning phase, they end up throwing my energy all out of whack and I get bored and annoyed with them ~

the human design structure that lists me as a generator...
which is totally true. I can make anything happen or appear...
I generate magic shit... like anything I want.
and so I was chatting with my coach and wrote this...

~ Would you say that actually using my own energy to attain what I want as being something sustainable? 
I guess I often assume that doing that all the time will make the idea of equivalent exchange obsolete... and maybe my mind is in resistance to that?? ~

which says in simple terms...

that I get bored and annoyed with having to 'do' something to get something because...
I can generate everything I want.... by just generating it.

why the fuck do I think I have to 'do' anything physically?!
What has the world done to me!? argh!

So coach wrote... 
~~  Well Of course- using energy to get what you want is sustainable! 
That’s what manifesting is  
But you’re questioning it is raising a red flag for me 
The resistance is to the possibility ~ 

then I responded with part of this... 
~ ..... because I know I can do it MY way so much simpler! ~


WTF was I just saying in that last blog post!
about the patterns! It is WRONG and you're making it harder than it has to be!
WASTEFUL on fabric, time, and effort!

EXACTOFUCKALUTELY
who wants to chat on correspondence again
correspondence = respond together
so taking it a bit deep...
everything in the last few hours has correlated in sync with universal flow
equivalent exchange is NOT about paying your dues or putting forth this for that...
fuck no!
It's working in unison for a unified response! 

Shit just got deep and shit just got more real.
This is beyond super saiyan jedi... O_O

I have got to go and I will not be posting this.
Time to call a council meeting!

and I totally made it to page 7 on my screenplay! 
only 100 or so more to go.
Feature length film, yo!

Correspondence of equivalent exchange

So ex-spirit guides do seem to tire of getting called on...again.
Mighty angel with the trident and wings... who's patience is indelible.
I know I can do this without you, but you are kinda cool, yo.
And trust isn't something I find very abundant within myself.
not sure why.
like I recognize it, but I think I've deemed it as not me,
but something that moves through me...
and there's that disconnect...
but we all know there is no such thing as one and the other.. this or that..
it's all one...
but division is a tricky thing... this split mind that often forgets the lack of contrast.
I remember...

this is peace
and the polarity embraces that chaos
this is love
and the correspondence reckons it with rhythm...
but there is no distance when you are the fucking pendulum.
I see. I remember.

Time to level up.
And this time I will summon forth the council.
And I will allow their ramifications and judgements.
Yes. All of this. All of it. Give me all of it.
My requests will be made known.
And delivered promptly.

____

I'm using big words. LOL
I'm writing a screenplay today.
and within the next 15 days.
'Sky Thunder' is marked for first draft completion by May 11th.
Which means within 5 days of that, I will have a debt paid off.
Because that is my chosen compensation.
Yes, you get to choose your rewards when you serve the Spirit.

try it... you might like it.

___
___

So I had another weird ass dream.
This lady got mad and mutated, kinda like a werewolf...
but still a person and the angrier she got the more hair she would grow. She looked like an ogre with lots of chest, arm, back, man hair.
Me and a group of others needed to stop her... she was after one of the guys
in our group. His name was Tristan, and he was wearing a blue tux??. Anyway, she was mad and chased us and part of the group when one way and ran off, me and the others when the other way
but she was chasing dude, and then cornered him and I threw some of those frozen ice packs that you store in your freezer for lunch boxes at her head. One hit her and then she came after me.
Luckily I could run really fast and was outrunning her and was yelling at Tristan to do something while I had her attention. Well, anyway, she chased me, I don't know what happened to the other group members at this point, but I was hiding behind some tall grass where she couldn't see me...
but it was getting dark and there was a snort behind me and there was a warthog that spotted me... and he started to run at me.
a fucking warthog...
I woke up.

so yeah, I didn't get pummeled by a hairy ogre werewolf lady at least

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 it's sad that this blog doesn't have gif options in the toolbar :(
gifs are great when you can find the right one for a given sentiment

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Sewing patterns...
whoever made these and wrote the instructions needs to be deleted from the universe
the absolutely most inane structure of assembly ever.
Wasteful on fabric, wasteful on time, wasteful on simplicity
Ridiculous!
I get 0% entertainment from them and they are by far the worst things on earth
worse than warthogs and ogres and even aliens and eating live chicken
...even writer's block... whatever that is, I hear it sucks. *shrugs

__________
I'm going to go fight with this santa coat and 'fix' it my way.
Then I'm going to call council and move the universe
and then write a screenplay
I'll probably have to put the birds to bed somewhere in there too.
I might have some ice cream too
and I will refrain from posting any more funny passive-aggressive comments on the news' channel's facebook posts only to rile up the commoners (and get a bunch of likes and laughs)... for the rest of the day... :D   (my latest pastime to practice my social skills, LOL!)

Get out of the way...

Spirit moves.
Through.
You.

Like the same energy that grows the trees.
the flowers.
the electrical current that causes the atoms of matter to expand from earth to sky.
the mist of aether
the aura of soul
life

Everything is electrical.
Everything.
That current is what today we will call spirit.

Spirit, etymology speaking comes from the word 'breath'

 Latin anima (“a current of air, wind, air, breath, the vital principle, life, soul”), sometimes equivalent to animus (“mind”)

A thought of mind that moves, that animates.... into life.
an imagination
nation of the images.
welcome to earth.
----

Can you feel that spirit?
Whilst caught in the whirlwind of earth...
the spirit that moves through you
the same energy that is abundant, radiant, prosperous, etc.
Mind is allowed to silence it's flow.
Body is allowed to ignore it's current.
But the longer you can stay in it...
with it...
the more it moves through you
and the more you come alive.

So come alive.

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maybe I just like to make lines for fun
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dreams... those nighttime subconscious things.
not the lofty goals you hold so dear...
oy vey... weird stuff lately... like people dying and pedophiles
but at least none about suffering in agony over a flying lion named Judah again
... and no aliens. Whoosh!

so I totally feel like writing...
but what?
lol
something.... preferably not a book
but my luck and all....
but I think I will take the beat cards with me and hope something comes out first
screenwriting wise...
and if not...
maybe the first line will instead...

it's actually kind of boring writing about nothing

want a movie scene?
 (totally in an effort to get my ass working on that screenplay)

asking is pointless....
and not correct formatting cause I'm not on Final Draft.
(which does all that nonsense work for me)


~~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~~

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Loud engines roar. Multiple mechanical vehicles drive by. They are primitive, with visual electrical currents blazing on them. Dust kicks up from the ground from around them.

A tribal man, TORRENT (40's), stands on a distant hill overlooking the desert below. He watches the strange vehicles pass by as the wind gusts hard. His niece, __K?__ (12), runs up beside him. She hands him a flask of water which he takes and drinks.

    TORRENT (disgusted)
     Look at them. The savages.

    K? (she doesn't have a name yet)
    Who are they?

    TORRENT
     Demons. (beat) Yet, it seems everyone calls them heroes around here.

Torrent steps away harshly. K glances back out to the desert and then quickly rushes to follow her uncle.

EXT. TRIBE VILLAGE - DAY

Torrent and K carry supplies into the primitive village. The winds gust hard. Other tribesmen are tying down their goods and gathering their horses into the stalls. A brute man, __O?__ (40's) approaches Torrent as he grips his cloak tight.

   O? (no name yet)
    The Oma has foretold of a visit tonight! Be wary!

Torrent nods and rushes K ahead of him into their hut (am I going with huts, really? idk for sure yet).

INT. TORRENT'S HUT - DAY

Primitive hut with clay bowls, a wooden spear, some furs. K throws down the supplies and turns to Torrent excited.

   K
    Tonight! Can we go watch?!

 Torrent sets his supplies down and avoids looking at K. K moves around him, trying to catch his eyes.

   K
    Please Uncle! We can wait til it's dark. They will never know.

Torrent glances at her. K's eyes are wide in anticipation. She smiles as he lets out a small grin. She jumps excitedly, seeing the very tiny nod Torrent makes.

   TORRENT
     Best not to show so much excitement, K. The chief will grow suspect, if you are not more cautious.

K nods and takes a deep breath. She changes her face so it appears as if she's worrisome and afraid. Torrent smiles and nods.

~~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~~

so that's like a page and a half of a screenplay... give or take... 

like I said, if I just start...it writes itself... none of that was planned except the mechanical cars at the beginning... and that's really only there because there's this song that goes with it... and it really makes the whole movie. Just sayin'  (Barns Courtney - Glitter and Gold, if you must know.)
 This would technically be the opening scenes of Sky Thunder.
I'm guessing you can figure out what it's about....but maybe not.

Originally planning to be animation.... but not really for little kids...
people are going to die.
there is revenge thrown in.
anger. death. blood. people hunting down a young girl to kill her....
dragons... magic... huge battle
ya know...the cool stuff.
see... and I literately just thought of what the inciting incident is going to be.
WAH - fucking - LA
Like I said... magic writes itself...
and what was that I wrote earlier about ...
energy moving through you...?

Rise like lions... and devour the keepers.

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_


JUDAH! JUDAH!

That is the name I cried out while tears poured out from my eyes.
I was leaning over the rail, looking down into the pit.
What were they doing to you? Why?!
I was in agony over their forced changes to you.
JUDAH! I would cry out. JUDAH!

Judah was a lion.
He had the wings of an eagle and and a full mane
he was my friend.
He had a consciousness just like you or I.
We were captured, the small band of us.
But they did something to him.
And his words were silenced.
"What are you doing?!" I would yell as I saw my friends body become immobile.
They would smile and say "We're making him a real lion."
  and the word 'real' stung like a thorn as my heart stopped.
....but Judah was real already....
there was nothing wrong with him...
he was already perfect...
he is my friend.

____
____

That was the dream I had last night.
A dream on the eve of Easter.
and the feeling is still with me... of the soul weeping...
the screaming.
the torture.

and with eyes a bit clearer....
and with the help of google...
looks like...
Jesus was called the Lion of Judah.
(from the tribe of Judah) ...

and I wonder if they silence him still
I wonder if they still change him...trying to 'make' him 'real'.
and this is delivered as both pain and sorrow...
just like the dream...
He IS real already.
Already perfect.
He is my friend.

and there's a heaviness that will be carried today
Could I rescue my friend?
Help him escape from the zoo, the pit where the lions are held.
How long will they keep him on display?
How long will they feed him meat scraps and make him out to be...
...just a lion.
There is no such thing as 'just' anything.
Cowards fear lions.
Keepers think they are above them...
    even elevating the land above the pit to make it appear true.
but you see.... the lion is perfect already.

and you can't house a lion that can fly....
He will rise above you.


__
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__

of course there's a band called Judah and the Lion.... they have a cool song
called 'Take it All Back'

the last 2 books I read weren't that great...
doubt I will ever take on anyone else's recommendations again.
.....we just aren't on the same channel, yo.
or the same tv... or same receiver system...

or maybe reading isn't my thing.
There is little to zero tolerance to read fantasy novels...
...or any novels for that matter...
yet writing them comes easy.
Looks like self-help and metaphysical books are ousted too now...
Seems the authors are just repeating the same things...
and are stuck at level 4. Boring and no meat.
 ...or so overcooked it tastes like dusty goo. Nothing to chew on.

Not sure where this life is leading.
I have a few more places that need cleaned.
Like the storage room and the garage.
The hallway needs attention when I get more remodel cash....
and I figure out what the heck I'm going to do with the floor.
There's a Santa suit that needs sewn.
The dogs need a bath.
The garden will need saved.
The beach.
The forest.
Loud music.
And Silence.
All those. Yep.
And a bunch of inspiring on the spur of the moment stuff..
you know... surprises!


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“And when they seek
to oppress you
And when they try
to destroy you,
Rise and rise again
and again
Like the Phoenix
from the ashes
Until the lambs
have become lions
and the rule of Darkness
is no more”

Breathe....

I did not anticipate that writing about getting high would coincide with 4/20
but hey, that's how the universe works when you are in flow with it.

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Loud music.
The base hits deep.
Thumping heart with the sounds of the subwoofer.
What are the words?

the words are you...
....

The trees are not careful with their words...
they are their words.

and you...
you are the song.
the orchestra plays for you
the drums keep the beat
everything set perfectly for your benefit.
you even get to do the bridge
and sometimes a solo
sometimes all out Capella

this theater was built for you
performer of the world
so the universe can see itself in all it's perfection

you are beautiful
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_

Bathroom remodel project is finished!
...(and all that crap in the hallway is cleaned up too)
what's next?
Easter, duh!

don't PANIC!

Day 100 of 100 of WTFIW....F

How do you become who you already are?
How do you receive what you already have?
.....
by being yourself....
BE who you are.
GET what you have.
....just be it.
....just go get it.

stop making it harder than it has to be....
even these words were too complicated...
___

The sky is falling.
YES!
Let the Heavens drown us.
 Welcome in the glorious waves!!!
Catch them...and ride them...higher higher...
There's plenty of room at the top.

I hope you can feel what's coming.
Stay high.

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"You know the answers, but do you feel them?
That's where understanding comes from."

_
_
_
_
_

Stay up on that rise
Stay up on that rise and never come down
Stay up on that rise
Stay up on that rise and never come down

 

Mama said don't give up, it's a little complicated
All tied up, no more love and I'd hate to see you waiting

High Hopes

Day 98 of 100 of WTFIW....F

....
Did Ego perhaps get her way?
Or did she take on more than she needs to?
There's a guess that it was both
Add to that, that she's also paying for it...in cash.
What happened?

Soul succeeded in giving the Ego an opportunity to get something it wanted.
oh...but oh... Soul is chuckling in the corner...
Ego is a sucker.
And now Ego gets to do something and pay to do it.
Soul will watch, until Ego decides to flounder in frustration.
Then Soul will finish the task.
And again rescue Ego from despair.

Don't ask Ego what she did...what she agreed to.
She will not say.
As society will look on in horror with jaws falling down.
Eyes will be stricken with unbelief.
Hands will slide down faces while heads move side to side.
"What have you done?" They will say.
"Why would you do that?!" They will cry.
"The future has been ruined!" They will anguish.
...
Ego rolls her eyes. 


Kartoffel kinder haben wasser.


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So there's a huge huge huge thing coming.
I don't know what or when, but soon.
I feel this in ten thousand ways.
and I must go.

and I finished reading (half skipping through a book that kinda sucked)
and frankly really really skipped the last few chapters..) it was that lame.
And a new one is coming in the mail.

Bathroom needs painting and caulking and cleaning.
All walls are up. Just have to put light and mirror back in.
Picking up paint tomorrow.
Throwing ideas around to take a vacation.
There are too many options at this point.

Many ideas around.
Seeing what the universe wants to hand me. 
Kinda over grabbing. Surrendering here.

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Nothing huge to share.
Had some deep insights, but they aren't able to translate into words.
there's something present.... and it's with me.
Like the force or something. Really kinda ominous.
And totally awesomeAF.

__
__
__

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes 

Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn't know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes

Be like water, my friend

Day 94 of 100 of WTFIW....F

hmmm...
this melting
has revealed something that was perhaps forgotten

looks like a hiatus has arrived
beckoning like a maneki-neko
"This way. Come see."
and I love cats... sooooo
I will heed the universal dweller that guards the dimensional gates
and go.

There's a part of a wave that looks calm and motionless.
A part that isn't churned up with white oxygenated molecules...
but you know... it's only there for a very short time...
until the wave lifts...rises...surging with energy...
with the electrical energy flow of the earth...
and then...
crystals atop the waters as it breaks
scattering into a glorious enigma of ever expanding energy that couldn't be held by the sea.

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Day 95 of 100 of WTFIW....F

~ I looked, and behold, a white horse, and she who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to her, and she went out conquering and to conquer ~

that's all for today
I might be back tomorrow... or on the 100 day mark...or sometimes inbetween
at this moment there is nothing
but you see...
I have this doorway... and the knob... and the means to enter...
and so I will.
and I may not be available...
big things
are
right there...
just on the other side
and what they are I do not know
but I can feel they are what used to feel larger than me.
used to
now I'm used to them... and I can have them...
and these things never need sought
these things never need prior struggle to attain
these things are always mine
but sometimes we forget who we are
and what we have
and what limitless energies we hold




and the bathroom panels are up, except one.
see I was using the jig saw to cut the panels... but right now...
the jigsaw is being used as a weight prop and I can't move it until the glue dries
so the last panel will be for tomorrow
electric is on in there too (yay it didn't blow up!)
so panel... then putty for a slight texture on walls... then paint or trim
then cleaning.
then...nothingness besides sewing a santa suit
and next big project is either yard, garage, or hallway
but most likely whatever I feel like, yo. 
Could get interesting.
New energy is on the other side of that door.

Surrender to the light

Day 93 of 100 of WTFIW....F

that leaves me with finishing out 1 more week
1 more week of What Ever The Fuck I Want....Feel
which is perfectly fine,
I'm kinda over starting all my blog posts with it, haha.
and even more so is that I've been shifted past this.
not in a linear sense...from here to there... or further along... no
but into something else.
something different
...
which is into surrender.
etymology speaking....
this means to --turn over, give back...
-- like flipping your grilled cheese sandwich over...
so both sides can get grilled...
and you're not left with a soft side that sticks in your teeth
... and a crunchy savory side..
the whole thing gets to be savory
-- like tanning in the sun... and then flipping over
ya know... giving back ;)

returning only meant to move more in the focus of Source
returning... giving back... to Source
and turning over... to Source

 that's where this world drifts.
what it all means or where it all leads is up to Source
perhaps what is found will be shared
perhaps....

____
hmmm.... I just had an epiphany.
with that grilled cheese analogy...

the divided mind sees both this and that, good and bad, cooked and uncooked
... both is okay...
but ...
it wouldn't be a grilled cheese sandwich without completeness
...
ahhh.
that's us.
that's us
we are Source... and only the mind wants to divvy shit up into categories
but surrendering to the complete-ness of everything....
will take you to Source

in simple terms.... stop thinking, it gets in the way
but much more complicated than that if you try to understand. ;)
_______


So, the bird room side of the bathroom door is done except for a possible paint job

handle made it in YAY! now it's a 'complete' door, haha
tomorrow paneling goes up and electrical gets done
   (yes, I am an electrician too...when I need to be)
oh...and there now a beautiful cut in the linoleum that I was not intending to replace.
   (it was my fault. Completely.)
found out the table in the bird room has a broken leg...
  (luckily it did not give out while I was standing on it)
butter substitutes for baking are not kosher.
  (really, you should just go to the store. Honor your fucking cookies.)
speaking of... honor everything. Give it dignity and triumph.
  (you just need a little umph after the try)

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Soul still dances. She's wearing the sunglasses with the built on visors.
She looks like she's from the 80's
but isn't she?
I love her hair... when will my hair be like hers?
Music plays loudly, but there's no source as much as it surrounds the room
It's dark, but colored lights spin and cast a rainbow on the walls, on the floor
the ceiling glitters like there was an actual disco ball in the room
but that's what Soul is...
Soul reflects all the light and casts it about the dark...
like wildness
like fire
like chaos

no one knows about her and her dance
no one can hear the music
but I do
I do.

got to honor that energy, yo

Day 89 of 100 of WTFIW....F

but it's almost tomorrow
as the night is what beckons words...
whether they form correctly or not
pour out... all of this day
for a new one will come with the rising sun

and now....
is trying to wrestle me away
whilst also offering a blank page...
which I am not even obligated to write or to finish
but perhaps something will come...

----
---
so there's a new door in the bathroom downstairs.
it still needs a door handle...
why my mind didn't even consider getting a door handle when
I picked up the door is beyond me.
paneling on one side will go back up tomorrow,
electrical stuff will be finished..
then pick up the panels and trim for bathroom, not tomorrow, but on a rainless day...
bathroom redo is set to be complete by...
um... idk
I guess all of it by the 25th
because any sooner will not allow room for procrastination
in the case that it wants to arrive.
and even though this week it could get done...
I like keeping to a degree of ZERO percent 'have to'


--
--
awareness has lit up an energy anomaly that I need to tend to
because keeping your energy sacred and in alignment to the universe
is what provides a safe space for the universe to dwell in you...
and for you to dwell within it....

stay sacred
stay awake
stay in love




----
and as soon as I find my outline....
starting a screenplay just after the bathroom project
and it gets a 15 day window
and no procrastination will be involved.
assuming it will be a feature....
Intentions lie on doing 1 screenplay a month for 3 months...
that's April, May, and June.
And then we will see how we feel about it after that.

88 ways to change your life

Day 85 and 86 of 100 of WTFIW....F

Loud music.

a mix of weird alternative songs
some plaid
long hair
and the forest
or the beach at night
with a bonfire
....one maybe a bit out of control
and boots that are actually comfortable
and the gypsy looking dude who plays the guitar
and my hand in yours
and trying to run in the sand
but we just laugh...
cause no one can really run in sand
and we frolic like toddlers with stars in our eyes
as we hold each other
and the unkempt children want our attention
because we are the cool kids
and we give it to them
and heaven spins around us even as we dance through the world

I haven't forgotten you.

_________________________________
_________________________________


Saturation:
and the world bleeds so much we can't even see the wound
certainly can't find the cure...
how can you find me underneath this pile of noise?
being the ocean, not hard to find...
oh.. but wait...
I'm the depths...
and not many can see this far....
like the ones who still dare to gaze up at the stars...
from the very few left that can even see them...
out of the ones who even recall that they exist.
lovely isolation.
a beautiful thing it all is...

_____________________________
________________________
_________________
__________


next day.... because yesterday's wasn't that long....
and I didn't feel like posting.

tuned the piano today
will need tweaked a bit more, as the tuning app I used wasn't the greatest
it's not hard like people say it is
*insert eye roll  - amateurs.

a part of me is dying
perhaps quicker than I'm willing to admit
it's scary
and the other part of me just wants to bury it already
dead or not
it's a helping hand, and I have time

didn't do nearly anything on my list that I intended to do
and tuning the piano wasn't even on it...
dinner got made, so that's a win
blueberry muffins sound great...
might go make some after I leave here...
I'm really just trying to meander around here, hoping something will pour out...
but alas... that doesn't seem to be the case.
there are random intentions I've agreed with...
but truthfully I'll probably forget them before they come to fruition
hence the part of me dying...
drying up as we speak... and soon to fall away
it's unknown what changes this will bring

it's weird lately, as no guides have appeared in the aether
which was foretold and expected...
but it's been strange since I've been allowed to wander freely
at times I still call upon a few to explain something, which they do, but...
free reign is pretty cool, even if it's met with it's own lessons.
talked to someone new today....
and fuck me if this shit isn't capable of changing the entire universe
I'm swallowed up in complete mind shift
among other things...


breathe
______________
______________
______________
______________


don't you hate those moments when your soul wants you to do something...
but your mind is like 'NO! Absolutely not! You don't need it.'
and soul is like, 'YES! No explanations needed! I've got this! TRUST ME!'
and I trust soul...
but mind is screaming... 'Do you realize how much that costs?'
...I glance at soul... she's dancing in the dark, with lights... with music..sunglasses
mind stares at me with arms crossed... shaking head..
soul still dances..
mind stares at me, not breaking away..
soul dances... in the dark...stars all around her

let me tell you a secret... about the back door...
about the rescue boat
the ship that carries you to the heavens...
let me tell you ... about the ark...
that travels the dark...
through the door...
D- ark.

and I know... to follow the feeling..
feeling is the compass... and the channel
mind feels scared.  soul feels free.
mind feels confused.  soul feels alive.
mind feels terrified.  soul feels expansive.
mind can't grasp what the universe wants to say
mind can never fully hold all what the universe is
never never never... until the mind let's go...
and trusts... and watches... and waits...
and then..
behold... the glory, that doesn't come until the harvest...
until the rains cease, and the water recedes

soul spins as the stars dance around her
music echoes, the dark holds them all
mind watches... mind wants what she has...
everything
everything
let go
let go
trust
_____

that may have been too deep...
this perfect paradise...




















She sat beside me, knowing me more than I know myself.
'What should I do?'... I would ask her...
because she's a warrior, closer to the goddess than the I, I sit as
'All you ever can do.' She replies.
Wind blows... we are at the sea's edge... braids in her hair...
'Guidance, when sought. A safe place, always. And unconditional love, continuously.'
'All we can do for another... is be who we are, and exactly what they need.'
'No one is ever in need of reprimanding, or controlling, or coercion. Not them, not you, not anyone.'
'If you can't trust yourself, how can you ever trust them?'

heart bleeds and wants to be her
strong, courage, unmovable, steady, sure, a space for all of me
but...
I already am...
she's channel eigthy-fucking-eight!
   (this reference is about changing channels to a higher level, no explaining today)

mind is stumped and can't comprehend what just happened...
soul smiles and does that stupid wink and point of finger... (what a dork)
she knew all along this would tie together in this beautiful art
and mind is trying to figure out how...why...how!!
and I'm laughing, because this is my whole life...
this insanity and this miracle...
this heaven and hell... I'm the universe and I love it all.

stop writing book scenes...

Day 84 of 100 of WTFIW....F

....
but there isn't a place for that anymore
the wants.
the feels.
there is only a being-ness

all are welcomed here
even the dislikes
the unwants
the numbings

take all of me
_____________________________
_____________________________


sometimes we search for a safe place
somewhere where we can stretch out
relax
sleep out in the open....
oh, how I admire those of you who can close your eyes while others surround you
what do you see... where have you gone
how can you trust so boldly

and this place only granted me with minimal sanctuaries
many which have fallen away
many which have been lost
or forgotten
it's only in the small hours where the soul can exhale
when all other eyes are shut
when the constant yelling of other souls cease
fade away to dreamland, so I can sleep.
let me sleep
let me crawl into the arms of safety
where nothing can intrude upon this silence
leave me be
the only place I'm safe, is here...
for even time and pain and sorrow can not pass the gatekeeper
and I can dwell in these realms in peace.

but this is me...
and I wander back to this world far too often
embracing this glorious disaster
it kills me
suffering deeply at every soul that approaches
god, if you even had an inkling of the magnitude and torture of this existence...
sometimes covering the obtrusive noises goes unnoticed
very often unknown
other times misunderstood and redefined wrongly
very often in error
the body moves and even as I struggle to stay within it....
you can't imagine the heavens that the soul would surrender the world for.
the place of rest.
the place called home.
the place where everyone to whom it belongs, waits.
....with the exception of the few who are in body.
the very few.

ah, I belong to you, only so much as you can catch me....
only so much as you know me...
how much do you know the stars? their names, their hearts?
the ocean? it's depths? it's keepers?
the forest? it's dance, it's secrets?
the light? it's sound? it's comfort?
the feel of a song... the color of a dream...?

and my very good friend...
reminds me of the wholeness of us all...
and this soul would show herself to you...
if you could stand with her...
and you can only do that by standing yourself...
so rise...
all rise...
show me who you really are.

_____________________________________
_____________________________________

productivity is on hiatus
I haven't done shit since the speed paintings
(but there happened to be a huge 'let's throw ten tons of knowledge on her!' event that night)

what do you feel like ....
writing?
ok

ummmm....
book scene?
that's always fun... even if it's totally different by the time I actually write the book
let's see... hmmmm....
before or after that last one I posted?
after...?
...ok...


* ~ ~
   I step backwards toward the shadows, keeping my gaze locked on __?__ (dude doesn't have a name yet). He tenses as his eyes shift just behind me where Kren appears from the darkness. I see his jaw tense as Kren takes my hand silently.
"Did you really think I would come here alone after what you've done?" I growl. "And now... you've sealed yourself once again."
   __?__'s breath quickens as realization swallows him. He glances back to the stone door as footsteps echo faintly from the hallway outside.
"I've underestimated you. Perhaps we can come to an arrangement." He offers, his eyes breaking away as he tries to rescue himself from his inevitable demise.
"Underestimated me?" I shake my head slightly. "You've underestimated all of us. Tristan, my clan, and especially my son."
   Kren and I vanish. __?__ turns abruptly as the stone door slowly opens, gently scraping the ground beneath it. Sweat coats his skin as ....................
 ~ ~ *


I totally can't give out that many hints.... who walks through the door?? You know them, but who are they? HAHA! Who's this dude?! What does Roo have to do with this?!

*swoon
so, Kren is still hot. <3
but this other dude is an asshole... he's had a rough life, but it's his own fault.
I'm not sure what his future holds
it's really not up to me... but the ones in charge...who walk into the room....
I'll let them decide.